Comments on: How to Trash Talk

By: Douglas

Douglas — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 21:15:47 +0000

Fatty, Hey, just one, though it is a pretty specific case.Gear Ratios: this form of trash talk generally occurs between single speed riders, but has also been known to occur between track riders, time trialists, triathletes (are we noticing a trend here?) and people who ride Brooks saddles.In particular, gear ratios indicate how much of a hardcore rider you are. So, the harder the ratio, the harder the person. It is a fine line between hard and stupid, often crossed. Don’t be confused by people who ride in the flats, you can’t compare the ratios of riders in Minnesota with that of riders in the mountains. Or maybe you can.My personal example goes something like this (and the names have not been changed to protect anyone; there are no innocents): as someone who is new to singlespeeding, I was telling my friend John what my gear ratio was, in the context of wondering what other people rode out here in Park City (it is 34:21, just to be clear). John looked at me, thought for a second, and then responded with: "Well, I thought about riding something along those lines once, but my coach tolk me: ‘women ride those gears.’"Brutal. Cold. Even used another’s words to cloak his biting criticism of my manhood. The worst part is that he isn’t even entirely accurate, the women who ride single speeds out here ride harder than a 34:21. I guess that the weak sauce I have been putting on my pasta isn’t condusive to being that cool.

By: Christina

Christina — Sun, 23 Oct 2005 06:15:53 +0000

Two more techniques: 1. "Ride Before the Ride" strategy–that person who makes sure everyone knows they rode like 900 miles TO a group ride’s starting point, crossing an international border on the way, but heck, they’re up for at least 500 more if everyone else is…2. "Senior Citizen Mystique"–those older cyclists in the NW who ride like 585 times a week, on some ancient, two-ton bicycle, and can turn the cranks non-stop from one end of the state to the other, with no labored breathing and no high tech beverages or foil-wrapped energy products. It’s their silence and minimalism that intimidates. No rustling noises of Clif Bars being packed into jackets. No talking really. No nothing. Just a pleasant smile and a once over of your ridiculously overpriced riding gear, and then back to their own simple set up, unchanged from 1972. And of course, the sound of endless spinning as they ride up hills as easily as Julie Andrews twirls down them.

By: Unknown

Unknown — Sun, 23 Oct 2005 06:06:08 +0000

Dang, boy! You’re going to put me into cardiac arrest! Or clean undies. I got about as far as "Get Personal" before I was shouting at the screen, "Stoppppppp! I’m about to dampen my Depends!" I am still cracking up. You just get better and better. And I am beginning to understand men, too… LOLOL!!!Ahghanistantastic is, well, afghanistantastic! She does a great blog and brings it right home to Reality City. There is definitely no TV, but there sure is a lot of reality.You-know-whats,MuMo

By: Amber

Amber — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 22:24:56 +0000

I’m new to the blogging world and have seeing your link on umpteen sites, I decided to check it out. Great writing and inspirational cause! As a former travel writer from Utah who practically lived in Moab, you’ll have the time of your life! Keep at it….

By: Tom Stormcrowe

Tom Stormcrowe — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 19:38:09 +0000

My favorite is after I smoked some lightweight on an uphill then shot downhill like a bullet, consoling him later that I did have to stand up in the pedals last time I pulled the uphill, but today I felt pretty good! I might also offer to help him with strength training for his legs and if he shows at the gym, do reps at 1000lbs+ on the leg machine. There ARE some advantages to dropping 272 pounds in 7 months, not the least of which, carrying all that fat, you develop ENORMOUSLY strong legs!

By: BIg Mike In Oz

BIg Mike In Oz — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 16:13:28 +0000

Go on fatty, she’s only a girl. You’re not AFRAID of a girl, or are you?I’d pay to watch, and I promise not to laugh.

By: Ariane

Ariane — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 15:58:20 +0000

BIG Mike– Shh! There’s no covert operatives here… None whatever… /whistles, side steps awayBy the way, thanks for clearing up the Coollabong/Coolibah tree… I wish I could say that now that the rest of the song makes complete sense to me, and yet… fatty– I think you can probably jump higher than your sis. Maybe you can vault yourself somewhere out of reach on the cage walls and wait for the timer to run out.Erroista– If he jumps up onto the cage, rattle it. I saw some dude do that on TV once…

By: Jodi

Jodi — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 15:40:52 +0000

I’m soooooooooooo in! I’ll even duct tape one hand behind my back to make the cage-fight death-match fair…..c’mon faatttttyyyyyy…….A.Toad – you’re far too clever to be on my brother’s side. If it weren’t for your warning, he likely would have fallen for my diabolical plan….damn you!

By: pete

pete — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 11:26:51 +0000

Toad, I absolutely love the idea of a Fat Cyclist vs Errorista cage-fight death-match. I think we could make a tidy profit on Pay-per-View.Today I should be out on a fund-raising ride with Sean Kelly, but it’s a littel bit rainy. And I’m far too lazy.

By: vanessa

vanessa — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 09:01:14 +0000

Hey FatCyclist…I read your journal on a regular basis… well, kind of. Definately on my favorites :D Not sure if you’ll respond to this, but I’m about to buy a new bike. I live in San Francisco and the rainy season is about to hit and I don’t want to quit riding ~ (Right now I’m on a 1970s Bianchi roadbike I scored from a yardsale) I’ve decided that I want to lay down some $$ on a rather light "rain bike" but I have no idea where to start… Have any suggestions? -vecrews@gmail.com