Comments on: Relationships

By: Unknown

Unknown — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 21:16:18 +0000

Lov/Hate My buddy loves his bike, a brand new Santa Cruz Heckler. He buys it all sorts of shiny new bits. Meticulously keeps it clean, tuned and lubed. He would probably sleep with it if his wife would let him.
Unfortunately, the bike doesn’t seem to love him back. He’s crashed dramatically numerous times doing mundane moves on switchbacks, small jumps, and washing out on sandy/gravely turns. We teased him about starring in "Brokebike Mountain".The funny thing is this never happened on his Specialized FSR.

So there you have it, the love/hate relationship.

By: Unknown

Unknown — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 13:38:37 +0000

I thought about this at some length as I took my road bike out for a spin beside the ocean on Saturday, and as we got caught in a downpour right at the far end of our out-and-back route.
I was distressed at the clarity with which the conclusion settled upon me. This bike is my trophy wife.
Those carbon curves, that titanium jewellery, the sheer newness of it all – such a machine would never be seen with a schlub like me unless I could find a way (within the confines of a rather ordinary salary) to pay, and pay a lot. But the analogy runs closer than that.
I like the envious glances I get at races, and on group rides. But they also worry me. My rivals know that I don’t have the legs to merit quite that much of a Record gruppo, or wheels so svelete and stiff. The contrast is too obvious.
I don’t want to disappoint my bike, so I train maniacally, like a menopausal man with a new love interest and a gym membership. I’ve changed my dress style too – Assos is to obvious for us, but I scour the shops for other imported brands (Santini, DeMarchi) and head out the door detailed from head to toe: mutton dressed as lamb. It embarrasses my friends, but my bike makes me do it.
Even so, nothing I do can quite keep my bike from reminding me that I am letting it down – this machine is built for speeds I can’t attain. But I do my best. And even though that’s far from enough, the bike gives it all back converting every watt of my puny output into a pace I almost certainly don’t deserve.
And kicking around a steep bend, on a chilly autumn day, I know I’d pony up the cash all over again.
The obvious question, of course, is whether I’ll ditch her for a newer model in a few years time, just because I can. And the answer, I am sorry to say, is yes.

By: A Dawn Tinsley

A Dawn Tinsley — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 15:37:38 +0000

My bike and I have a Sensei and Grasshopper relationship. My bike is the Sensei. I am just the grasshopper…

Me: Sensei, your magical powers saved us from busting ass in the middle of that intersection when we hit that crack in the pavement. I truly have so much to learn

Bike: Yes grasshopper, your terrible balance is a weakness you must fight against. I have spared you this time, but next time I might not be able to

Me: Sensei, you warned me to change gears before I got too much pressure on the chain. I did not listen to you and now I am jammed and its raining!

Bike: Grasshopper, you still have much to learn about shifting, I will help you get unjammed quickly this time, but next time you may not be so lucky

Me: Sensei, how did we ever make it up that hill! You are so powerful and strong, I would have failed without you!

Bike: Grasshopper, your mind is willing, but your flesh is weak. I have given you 21 gears to assist you up these hills, but use them wisely or your flesh will be weak forever.

Me: Sensei, which trail is less frought with peril? The road has a nice sidewalk, but I have to cross many intersections. The trail is nice through the forest, but there are toddlers and puppies who may block my way!

Bike: Grasshopper, the time has come for you to choose your own trail…Everyone must choose their path on their own!

By: Unknown

Unknown — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 13:56:07 +0000

Shorter Tim: Brokebike Mountain.

By: Unknown

Unknown — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 13:13:33 +0000

My bike and I are fishing buddies, for two reasons: the other day, it
started making noises. I tried to fix it and failed. The
bike responded, "If you can’t fix it, you have to live with it."
If that wasn’t strange enough, I found myself uttering this gem last
night on my ride home "I wish I knew how to quit you!"
Tim.

By: Gregory

Gregory — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 03:38:03 +0000

-First Weekend Together Couple-
You first met in the bike store or on some website; you’re immediately attracted to each other so you decide to get together. In the parking lot of the store (or your driveway, depending if the bike was shipped) you guys get along great. Why not take the relationship to the next level? How about a trail ride with technical moves? Sure it’s a great idea, but the longer your on the trial the more you start to hate each other stop cooperating. "You cost 1500 bucks! This should be easy" you say, "Well you’re the technical rider!" the bike says. I guess it was just a bad match up.

By: Sue

Sue — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 22:28:14 +0000

Tim D, HA! I like your interpretation better, but I was thinking swinging. Like as if he were mounting his bike. . .

Botched (again and always)

By: Unknown

Unknown — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 22:04:23 +0000

Analyst and patient? Sadist and masochist? LOL!

You have the most fertile mind I have ever run across and I never stop being impressed by your ability to observe and write such entertaining stories.

I just re-read a Dave Barry book, specifically to observe a correlation but you outshine him so brightly it hurts my eyes.

Hugs,

MuMo

By: Unknown

Unknown — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 21:23:50 +0000

Dick Pound, eh? I can’t top that one. Well, except to note that I hope someday to attend a TDF stage that passes through this town.

By: Tim D

Tim D — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 21:12:52 +0000

Botched,I see Mokies! Is "swining" a reference to his porkyness?