Comments on: How I Am http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/ It's like reality TV. Except it's real. And there's no TV. Fri, 04 Mar 2022 03:21:11 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Ross L http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-4/#comment-462719 Ross L Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:26:34 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-462719 I'm praying for you and your family each and every day. -Ross I’m praying for you and your family each and every day.

-Ross

]]> By: Holy http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-4/#comment-461528 Holy Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:54:37 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-461528 I thought of you and Susan and your incredible journey together, as I just finished reading and weeping through Ken Wilber's memoir, Grace & Grit about his wife, Treya, and her cancer battle. She didn't cheat death, but nor did she allow it to defeat her. Her living example was as inspirational as Susan's - similar brave, artistic and spiritual women....I suspect they've hooked up in the hereafter and are co-create beatiful cloud formations for the rest of us to look gaze up, dream and aspire to such greatness. I thought of you and Susan and your incredible journey together, as I just finished reading and weeping through Ken Wilber’s memoir, Grace & Grit about his wife, Treya, and her cancer battle. She didn’t cheat death, but nor did she allow it to defeat her. Her living example was as inspirational as Susan’s – similar brave, artistic and spiritual women….I suspect they’ve hooked up in the hereafter and are co-create beatiful cloud formations for the rest of us to look gaze up, dream and aspire to such greatness.

]]> By: Beth http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-4/#comment-458816 Beth Tue, 08 Sep 2009 22:38:29 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-458816 Elden, Thanks for the note on how you are doing. I could see in your writing some weeks ago that you were really hurting for yourself and for Susan. I think you are a fantastic person and Susan was very lucky to have you and your children have a super dad who cares very much for them. Hang in there. God bless and keep you, your children and Susan. Elden,

Thanks for the note on how you are doing. I could see in your writing some weeks ago that you were really hurting for yourself and for Susan.

I think you are a fantastic person and Susan was very lucky to have you and your children have a super dad who cares very much for them.

Hang in there. God bless and keep you, your children and Susan.

]]> By: Beth H http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-4/#comment-457688 Beth H Tue, 01 Sep 2009 04:43:24 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-457688 I suspect that with a progressive illness, a lot of the grieving process does begin before the moment of death, and that in a lot of ways, that moment is a relief (from pain for the one passing on, for the family hanging in there, from the stress of maintenance in the latter stages of illness.) I'm glad that you're having good days, and that the kids have tied in tight to the family. I'll keep praying for you all. I suspect that with a progressive illness, a lot of the grieving process does begin before the moment of death, and that in a lot of ways, that moment is a relief (from pain for the one passing on, for the family hanging in there, from the stress of maintenance in the latter stages of illness.) I’m glad that you’re having good days, and that the kids have tied in tight to the family. I’ll keep praying for you all.

]]> By: Eloise http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-4/#comment-457627 Eloise Mon, 31 Aug 2009 21:54:58 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-457627 What a lovely post. Your love for Susan and commitment to the things that were important to her really shine through. You are a remarkable man. What a lovely post. Your love for Susan and commitment to the things that were important to her really shine through. You are a remarkable man.

]]> By: Aweesan http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-4/#comment-457584 Aweesan Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:12:56 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-457584 For most people, it's hard to understand what happens when you've had your family member pass after a long illness. You're doing your routine and taking on more to help them but in the same breath still mourning them. It was the same with dad. I know that he is infinitely better now without pain or meds to take to control it. Sure, I think about things that I'd normally go talk to him about or laugh because he's still wearing his khakis in the front yard to do yard work after not having been in the navy for over 20 years. With family or friends with long illnesses, you kinda mourn as you go and it takes it's toll on you as well. I think it took over 2 months for the "excitement" to fade when mom started to really notice-- or actually have the time to take notice. For me, not being in the midst of daily life for dad, it comes in strange waves when I least expect it; and it's been over 3 yrs this last March. It's comforting though that you have such an extended and strong support system to help you through. As you said, the fight's not over so all you can do is pull on your jersey and keep pushing one foot in front of the other :) For most people, it’s hard to understand what happens when you’ve had your family member pass after a long illness. You’re doing your routine and taking on more to help them but in the same breath still mourning them. It was the same with dad. I know that he is infinitely better now without pain or meds to take to control it. Sure, I think about things that I’d normally go talk to him about or laugh because he’s still wearing his khakis in the front yard to do yard work after not having been in the navy for over 20 years. With family or friends with long illnesses, you kinda mourn as you go and it takes it’s toll on you as well. I think it took over 2 months for the “excitement” to fade when mom started to really notice– or actually have the time to take notice. For me, not being in the midst of daily life for dad, it comes in strange waves when I least expect it; and it’s been over 3 yrs this last March.

It’s comforting though that you have such an extended and strong support system to help you through. As you said, the fight’s not over so all you can do is pull on your jersey and keep pushing one foot in front of the other :)

]]> By: Matt H. http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-4/#comment-457578 Matt H. Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:44:40 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-457578 You brought tears to my eyes with that entry. Susan's fight continues for others, stay strong and keep doing what you do! You brought tears to my eyes with that entry. Susan’s fight continues for others, stay strong and keep doing what you do!

]]> By: Petrea Kelly http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-3/#comment-457564 Petrea Kelly Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:42:37 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-457564 Dear Elden, I continue to think of you and Susan and your family and hope and pray for you all. You have such wonderful ways of saying things--your comparisons and little thoughts--It's been years, but I still long to pick up the phone to call and tell my Mom about something. I guess that never goes away. Best wishes for each day! Dear Elden,

I continue to think of you and Susan and your family and hope and pray for you all. You have such wonderful ways of saying things–your comparisons and little thoughts–It’s been years, but I still long to pick up the phone to call and tell my Mom about something. I guess that never goes away. Best wishes for each day!

]]> By: nono http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-3/#comment-457554 nono Mon, 31 Aug 2009 16:14:52 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-457554 Not sure if you'll read down this far, but I wanted to say that when my husband died (it was sudden of a massive heart attack when we were both 38) I was so lost...and it was mainly that I felt I was suddenly standing alone and all our future plans just vanished (we had a beautiful home, 6 acres of land, had just built a barn for our 2 horses and 2 donkeys, were both successful in our careers, had not yet had children but had been trying...etc.) I had completely lost my bearings, had no direction, nothing to "look forward" to, all future plans had vaporized, short term and long term. The thought of being 38 and losing my chance to have children and a family, and all those traditions that go along with it. It was one of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome...the fear of that loss. And one that I could only vocalize to a few of my closest friends. I also experienced the normal need to share things with him, and the sudden, regular and re-occurring realization that he was no longer there to hear it. I have to say that "loss" probably healed itself the quickest out of all the others, simply because I began to feel he was "with me" at certain times, so I talked to him (sometimes aloud, sometimes in my head.) I forced myself to keep moving forward, but that first year was the hardest. Trying to get through all the "firsts" without him, doing it by yourself, not sharing the preparation, laughter, sentimental traditions that you naturally do with your partner. My first Halloween (he died Sept 26), first Thanksgiving, first snow, first Christmas, first NYE, first Valentine's, spring gardening, summer vacations, etc. After the first year, the second year is a bit easier because you know you can make it through on your own. It's still not easy, but it's not as raw and empty as the first time. It's now almost 9 years later...and I was blessed to have gotten a second chance at having another loving relationship. I have also been blessed to have been able to become a mom at this late age to two sons. So I continue on my journey, never sure what is awaiting me (my dad died two years after my late husband did, finally succumbing to nonhodgkins lymphoma after an 8 year fight)...always scared deep down inside, because I don't want to experience the loss again, but I'm know it will always be a part of my path. It's a part of all of our paths sooner or later. Sending you thoughts of strength, warmth and love to help you on your journey. So sorry for the length of this...I got caught up in my thoughts. Allez Fatty, Allez. Not sure if you’ll read down this far, but I wanted to say that when my husband died (it was sudden of a massive heart attack when we were both 38) I was so lost…and it was mainly that I felt I was suddenly standing alone and all our future plans just vanished (we had a beautiful home, 6 acres of land, had just built a barn for our 2 horses and 2 donkeys, were both successful in our careers, had not yet had children but had been trying…etc.)

I had completely lost my bearings, had no direction, nothing to “look forward” to, all future plans had vaporized, short term and long term. The thought of being 38 and losing my chance to have children and a family, and all those traditions that go along with it. It was one of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome…the fear of that loss. And one that I could only vocalize to a few of my closest friends.

I also experienced the normal need to share things with him, and the sudden, regular and re-occurring realization that he was no longer there to hear it. I have to say that “loss” probably healed itself the quickest out of all the others, simply because I began to feel he was “with me” at certain times, so I talked to him (sometimes aloud, sometimes in my head.)

I forced myself to keep moving forward, but that first year was the hardest. Trying to get through all the “firsts” without him, doing it by yourself, not sharing the preparation, laughter, sentimental traditions that you naturally do with your partner. My first Halloween (he died Sept 26), first Thanksgiving, first snow, first Christmas, first NYE, first Valentine’s, spring gardening, summer vacations, etc.

After the first year, the second year is a bit easier because you know you can make it through on your own. It’s still not easy, but it’s not as raw and empty as the first time.

It’s now almost 9 years later…and I was blessed to have gotten a second chance at having another loving relationship. I have also been blessed to have been able to become a mom at this late age to two sons.

So I continue on my journey, never sure what is awaiting me (my dad died two years after my late husband did, finally succumbing to nonhodgkins lymphoma after an 8 year fight)…always scared deep down inside, because I don’t want to experience the loss again, but I’m know it will always be a part of my path.

It’s a part of all of our paths sooner or later.

Sending you thoughts of strength, warmth and love to help you on your journey. So sorry for the length of this…I got caught up in my thoughts.

Allez Fatty, Allez.

]]> By: Polly http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/comment-page-3/#comment-457444 Polly Mon, 31 Aug 2009 05:34:29 +0000 http://www.fatcyclist.com/2009/08/27/how-i-am/#comment-457444 My husband has been sharing your website with me. We are trying to get into biking. Scheduling is the most difficult challenge. I think about your family frequently and pray for you. Time makes things easier and the gospel gives us an eternal perspective that is such a blessing. Kids can be the greatest strength...they are the reason to get up some mornings, the reason we smile on days we don't feel like it and the joy that seeps into all corners of our life. Enjoy your reading with them. Polly My husband has been sharing your website with me. We are trying to get into biking. Scheduling is the most difficult challenge.

I think about your family frequently and pray for you. Time makes things easier and the gospel gives us an eternal perspective that is such a blessing. Kids can be the greatest strength…they are the reason to get up some mornings, the reason we smile on days we don’t feel like it and the joy that seeps into all corners of our life. Enjoy your reading with them.

Polly

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