I read this cause my girlfriend told me she snotted on the computer screen while trying not to laugh at work and let on that she might be doing something other than her job. I took a read and very much enjoyed your story. I wanted to pass along something from my Dad. He grew up in Colombia and rode bikes in the mountains. They had a way to let the people watching bike races know who was the last to pass, they used something called “El Farolito”. It was a take off on a Christmas tradition and was simply a lantern that was lit and attached to the seat post of the last rider to signal announce the final rider. Thought it might work for you if the flower bails the way of the balloon. Depending on how much gas you were expelling near the open flame, it might provide extra motivation.

Cue the music, “Stand by your man….after all, he’s just a man.”

Thanks Fatty. Hope your next ride is as eventful, but for other reasons.

BTW, Surly already named one of their bike colors “Curry Squirt.” Perhaps you could persuade them to add a new shade, “Bratwurst-Case Scenario.”