12.22.2011 | 10:17 am
A Comedian Mastermind-Related Note from Fatty: My new book — Comedian Mastermind: The Best of FatCyclist.com, 2005-2007 — is now available from Amazon.com, both in paperback and Kindle versions. This is actually pretty darned cool for both me and you, for a few reasons.
- Cheap, easy last-minute e-gifting: If you know someone who reads Kindle-format books (whether that be on an actual Kindle, or with Kindle software — like a phone, computer, or iPad), you can give them the Kindle version of my book pretty much instantly. No shipping, no tax. And since the Kindle version costs just $9.95, it’s not a gift that will break the bank. Just go to my book’s Kindle page and click the “Give as Gift” button.
- Fast (and maybe free) shipping: If you subscribe to the Amazon Prime service, you can now buy the paperback version of my book and get free two-day shipping. And even if you don’t use Amazon Prime, shipping’s not bad, and they’re pretty fast.
- Borrow it for FREE: If you have a Kindle device and an Amazon Prime subscription, you can borrow Comedian Mastermind for free. On your Kindle device, go to the Kindle Store, then search for “Comedian Mastermind” to get to my book, and choose “Borrow for Free.” And the good thing is, Amazon.com pays me, even though you borrowed the book for free. So that’s nice for both of us (and maybe a good reason for you Kindle owners to go borrow it right now, hint, hint).
By the way, if you want an autographed version of the book with a note, I can still do that, too. Click here for details. (That’s the easiest way to get the book internationally, actually.)
A “Please Do Me a Favor” Note from Fatty: If you’ve read my book — whether the paperback or Kindle version — please go to Amazon.com and post a review of it. Thanks!
The Super Elves!
by Carrie Nelson
Once upon a time, Santa Claus did all the toy-making and wrapping and everything.
Then, one year, the population grew, and grew, and GREW until he couldn’t do it alone anymore!
So he tried to hire gnomes, but they just said, “Look, pal, we’re too busy protecting gardens!”
Then he tried Sprites. “I don’t think so!” they said.
So he tried giants. “We wouldn’t fit in your shop,” said the giants.
But then Santa tried Elves…they said yes! so the elves made the presents, and then stacked the presents in the sled in two months.
So on the night before Christmas, Santa delivered to all the nice kids in the world! Christmas was saved…
By those super hero-like ELVES!
The End
PS: Thanks to everyone who has been leaving nice comments for the twins’ stories. They’ve been loving the comments as much as much as seeing their work published.
Comments (37)
12.21.2011 | 11:54 am
You know how The Hammer and I once did an Ironman? And then we said (or at least, I said) that one Ironman per lifetime was plenty — that we no longer needed to ever do another triathlon again?
Well, then my friend Dustin had to go and be all heroic and inspirational at the Kona Ironman.
Which got me to thinking: maybe we should do one more Ironman. Just — you know — to see if I could actually do an Ironman where instead of lamely walking for 70% of the final leg of the race, I actually raced it.
And maybe — just maybe — instead of flailing around in the swim leg, I actually kinda swam it.
So I was talking with Dustin and told him The Hammer, The Swimmer (i.e., The Hammer’s daughter — I’ve mentioned her recently) are thinking about doing the New Zealand Ironman in 2013.
“Oh, I’ll come do it with you,” said Dustin. Which moved the possibility of doing the New Zealand Ironman from the “awesome-but-painful” category to the “really-awesome-but-still-remarkably-painful” category.
“So,” I asked, wondering about the most difficult part of the race, “What are you going to do about the swim?”
“I’ve got that covered,” Dustin said. “I have an Endless Pool.”
That made me curious.
We Try an Endless Pool
Now, I’ve seen Endless Pools demonstrated before, but I had never been in one. So when I went to their site and saw the “Try a Pool” link, I thought, “Well, OK.” I figured that this would mean they’d call me and set up an appointment at a store or something. Instead, though, they sent me over to try one at someone’s house.
So I went over, bringing The Hammer and The Swimmer. And my camera, to catch a video of what it would be like to swim in place.
Here’s what it was like:
What I Thought
All three of us were kind of nervous of this thing at first. Which, as it turns out was silly. Swimming in an Endless Pool felt pretty much the same as swimming in a regular pool. Just no kick-turns, and no fighting for a swim lane.
And — and this was huge — there was hardly any chlorine smell at all.
The bad thing (which would eventually be a good thing if I did something about it) was — as you’ll see in the video — this totally made it super obvious to The Hammer, The Swimmer, and now to you what an abysmally bad swimmer I am.
I find myself painful to watch. You, on the other hand, may find me hilarious.
I talked with the home / pool owners after our pool party, wondering whether they still use their Endless Pool. They said that the man uses it three or four times per week; the woman uses it a couple times per week. Which is pretty impressive, considering they’ve had this setup since they built the house about six years ago.
In that time, the pool has never broken. Of course, they seemed like the kind of people who would actually follow the recommended maintenance schedule, whereas I would let a thick green moss grow on the surface of the water.
By the way, I lost a bet — fortunately for me, there were no stakes — I made with The Hammer and The Swimmer before we went that the man would absolutely positively be a hardcore triathlete. As it turns out, he just likes swimming. Doesn’t compete at all. So evidently, there are athletes out there who just like to exercise without thumping their chests and stuff.
Frankly, I can’t fathom it.
Of course, after having used this, my most pressing question is: Since he’s got the equipment, what do we have to do to get Dustin to do an Ironman of Nowhere this year?
Comments (44)
12.20.2011 | 11:03 am
A Kindle-Related Note from Fatty: For those of you who were wondering when my new book, Comedian Mastermind: The Best of FatCyclist, 2005 – 2007, would be available on Kindle, the answer is: It’s available on Kindle now. Click here for more details about the book, or click here to order.
A Note from Fatty About Today’s Guest Post: Today’s story is the second in the Christmas story series written and illustrated by my ten-year-old twins. Today’s is by Katie, and if you take a look at yesterday’s story, you can tell there was a little bit of twin-power collaboration going on behind the scenes.
Did You Know Santa Claus Is Really a Goat?
by Katie Nelson
Now all you people who read this, young and old, there is one story I know you’ve all been told. Yes, the story of Santa Claus and his flying reindeer, but there’s one part of the story you probably thought you wouldn’t hear, the part about Santa really being a Goat!
Do you also believe that Santa flies with magic reindeer? Well, really he flies with the sheep that you count to fall asleep! That is why it’s so hard to sleep every Christmas Eve night, Santa has borrowed all your sleep sheep!
As for his little bitty elves, well, they really are bitty, and they really are elves, but instead of little, tiny magic humans, they are little, tiny, magic penguins. In fact they’re so small (only 22 inches tall!) the only way to reach a table is to sit on a beach ball!
And since penguins have no thumbs (they’re only good for making toys and drums) Santa Claus has polar bears wrap the presents for the good girls and boys!
Merry, merry Christmas!
[Note from Fatty: In the print version of this book, this spread opens up to have a pop-out flying sheep. I'm not a great photographer and so didn't capture the awesome effect as well as I'd have liked. Still, you get the idea.]
Comments (31)
12.19.2011 | 10:30 am
A Note from Fatty: I’m very pleased to announce that I’ve lined up a couple of top-notch guest posters for (most of) the days leading up to Christmas: my ten-year-old twin daughters. They have written and illustrated some great stories; I think you’ll enjoy them. I know I did.
The first story is If Santa Was a T-Rex, and was written and illustrated by Carrie. (By the way, you can see larger versions of any of the photos by clicking on them.)
Watch out for the twist ending.
If Santa Was a T-Rex
by Carrie Nelson
If Santa was a T-Rex…nobody would sit on his lap!
If Santa was a T-Rex…he wouldn’t fit through the chimney or the door!
If Santa was a T-Rex…he wouldn’t be able to fly with his reindeer!
If Santa was a T-Rex…Mrs. Claus would have to do a lot of cooking!
Wait, if Santa was a T-Rex…what would Mrs. Claus be?
If Santa was a T-Rex…what would his elves be?
And if Santa was a T-Rex…what would he give to the kids?…Still toys! …. Just not always the right ones!
How strange it would’ve been if Santa was a T-Rex! … Good thing he’s really a GOAT!
Comments (33)
12.16.2011 | 10:20 am
Have you already finished all your Christmas shopping? Awesome! Me too!
Oh, yeah. I know. I was just kidding too. I haven’t even started, really.
But!
If you’ve got a cyclist in your life and would like to get that person a copy of my book — Comedian Mastermind: The Best of Fat Cyclist, 2005 – 2007 — for Christmas, well, there’s still (probably) time.
Order today (Friday) or, at the very worst, early Saturday morning, and I’ll promise to do a post office run Saturday. As in, tomorrow.
Based on how fast Media Mail is traveling, you (continental U.S. folk, I mean) really should get your copy before the end of next week. Which is, if I understand my calendar right (and I am right in my calendar reading at least 80% of the time, a good solid B-), still before Christmas.
Now, I don’t know if it really means anything, but quite a few people have emailed and tweeted me after they’ve received and read the book, and everyone seems to be enjoying it.
As in, so far nobody’s sent me an email or tweet saying they’re disappointed in the book and want their money back.
Although, come to think of it, I’ve started a few thousand books in my lifetime, and have probably disliked maybe 10% of those books, and hated maybe an additional 5%. And I’ve never — even once — sent the author an email saying I disliked their book.
But I’ve also — with one exception — never sent an author a note saying I loved her or his book, either.
(That exception, by the way, is Straight Man, by Richard Russo. Anytime anyone ever asks me to recommend a book, I recommend Straight Man.)
Wait a second. How did I wind up plugging someone else’s book? I need to get back on track here.
For more details on Comedian Mastermind, click here.
PS: If you already have purchased and have started reading Comedian Mastermind, I’d be genuinely interested in your leaving a comment here on what you think. Good, bad, or indifferent. I’m thin-skinned, but you won’t see me cry, so it’s OK to be honest.
Comments (53)
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