A couple of years ago, I traveled a lot. And more often than not, I traveled to New York. Now, I understand that a lot of people love living there — including two of my sisters. But the truth is, I don’t like traveling anywhere on my own, and I especially don’t like to be in a big city on my own.
So I was standing outside my hotel, waiting in a long line of people for a cab, thinking about how when I’m at home I don’t ever have to wait for a cab. And I was thinking about how when I’m at home, I know people. And I was thinking about how when I’m at home, I’d have a bunch of bikes at hand would have been able to go riding outside that morning, instead of riding on that cruel mockery of a bicycle: the exercycle.
And then, behind all the taxis, I saw the answer to all my problems: a bike taxi.
Yeah, I know some people call them “pedi cabs,” but that term sounds both alarming and creepy. I’m sticking with “bike taxi.”
Anyways.
I walk over to the guy with the bike taxi (Do I call him the “driver” or the “rider?” Neither seems right). I’m thinking about how awesome it is that I’m no longer waiting in a line. I’m thinking that while I’m not pedaling, I’m at least getting in a ride. And mostly, I’m thinking about how it’ll be fun to at least talk to another cyclist for a while.
Naturally, he doesn’t speak any English, and my Polish isn’t so hot, either.
That’s OK, though. I give him my destination — about eight blocks away, though I have no idea in which direction, what with my state of being perpetually lost — and he takes off.
I am caught between trying to enjoy the ride and feeling very silly. On one hand, it’s nice to be getting around this way instead of in a taxi. On the other hand, it feels wrong for me to be going somewhere on a bike, without being the one pedaling.
I seriously consider asking — via hand gestures, I suppose — whether the guy wanted to trade me places, so I could pedal for a bit. Of course, this has the largish problem that I already mentioned before: the major reason I’m taking a taxi in the first place is I have no idea how to get anywhere.
So I ride. And I think about what a fine story this will make, and how I’ll have to make a habit of riding in bike taxis more often, because they’re more in line with what I like, and they’re environmentally friendly, and how I can hardly wait to tell my sister that I just rode a bike taxi instead of a regular taxi, and why doesn’t she start doing that to get around when she needs to travel in the city?
We arrive at my destination, eight blocks away from where we started
The driver / rider / pilot says his first English words since picking me up and nodding his understanding of my destination:
“Forty dollars.”
My ideas of transnational biking camaraderie and sharing a story about how everyone should ride bike taxis vanish. Instead, I had just been on a taxi ride that cost roughly five dollars per minute. Which is almost twice as expensive as phone sex. From what I hear.
This, it turns out, is not a story about how cool bikes are. It’s a story of a small-town rube getting suckered because he thinks everyone who rides a bike is cool, and therefore didn’t ask about fare rate before the ride began.
This, it turns out, would be a story that would leave me so deeply embarrassed about my naivete that I would not tell this story to anyone for more than two years.
A Note from Fatty:Tomorrow is the last day you can register for the100 Miles of Nowhere. Remember, in addition to all the cool stuff you get, you’re also helping Team Fatty help the Lance Armstrong Foundation (LAF) fight cancer: $50 of your $75 registration goes to the LAF. Men, sign up here.Women, sign up here.
And also, you’ll be able to tell people you participated in the most ridiculous, far-ranging race that has ever existed. I’m also pretty sure we’ll also be able to claim it simultaneously covered more ground and less ground than any other race in history (i.e., it will occur in hundreds of places, but go literally nowhere).
By the way, so far 168 men and 58 women (226 people altogether) have signed up, which means that so far the 100 Miles of Nowhere has raised $11,300 for the LAF. Thanks to everyone who has signed up!
Another Note from Fatty: Some of you were wondering if you can buy extra t-shirts for your crews. First of all, I think it’s awesomely bizarre that some of you are planning to have crews. Second of all, once registration is over, Twin Six is going to make the t-shirt available as a separate item to order. I’ll post a link as soon as there is one!
Yet Another Note from Fatty:At long last, we can declare a winner of the Meet Bike Snob NYC contest! Brad W of Virginia called from Alcatraz (yes, really) to accept the prize. Congratulations, Brad!
Mr. Grumpy Legs
Thanks to a hectic work and life schedule, I haven’t been able to ride my bike at all this week, and I won’t be able to today, either.
This has brought on a peculiar sensation, and I’m curious if anyone else has noticed the same thing happening to them when they go cold turkey off the bike for a few days.
Specifically, my legs have become grumpy. Irritable. Restless.
This is not just a mental thing. I swear. It’s physical. Last night, I was sitting with one of the twins during her 1:1 reading time and my legs — specifically, my quads — were driving me nuts. They literally ached for me to get off the couch and stretch them (I made do by doing constant leg lifts and flexes while sitting on the couch).
Really, the symptoms are pretty similar to how they describe Restless Legs Syndrome, except I already know my cure: go get out on a ride. And as a bonus, this cure doesn’t turn me into a compulsive gambler.
Which is something, I suppose.
Still, I am going to be in an all-day meeting today, where doing constant leg lifts would surely go noticed. Which means that the only way I’m going to be able to stave off my Grumpy Legs Syndrome will be to stand up on a frequent basis and run around the conference table to the whiteboard (I’ll take the long way around) and then make an emphatic and energetic point.
Preferably, one that requires me to jump up and down and perhaps do some squat-thrusts.
So, my question: when you have to go cold turkey off the bike for more than a couple days, do you get the same effect?
Because if I’m the first one to identify an actual, verifiable syndrome here, I totally want it named after me.
Last weekend, I put on my helmetcam and taped hours and hours and hours of video as 70 or so of my close personal friends and I rode around in the desert.
Tomorrow, I’ll tell the story in words.
Today, though, I’d like to present one of the hardest days of riding I’ve ever had, in the form of a 9:24 video.
A Note from Fatty:The “Meet BSNYC” winners have all been sent email, and all the people who won a t-shirt have responded. The person who won the grand prize, however, has not. So. If you donated some money for this contest and haven’t checked your email in a while, well, maybe you should.
Another Note from Fatty:The response for the 100 Miles of Nowhere has been huge. I am getting really excited for this strange event. And you still have time to register. Go to yesterday’s post for details.
Also, I have added a section at the Fat Cyclist Forum for discussion about the 100 Miles of Nowhere. If you are looking for someone in your area to do the race with, post a message there.
I have been coping with a cold for about a week, now. I’ve been through the sore throat stage, the watery eye stage, and the stuffy nose stage.
Through it all, I have been taking daily advantage of one of cycling’s great little secrets: when you’re on the bike, you feel fine. Your head clears up. You can breathe. Your throat stops hurting, and your body stops aching.
Well, maybe your body continues to ache, but it’s a different kind of ache.
A couple days ago, for example, even though I had been feeling miserable the whole day, Brad and I went riding on Corner Canyon, to see if the warm weather we’ve had for the past few days has opened up Jacob’s Ladder: the highest trail in Corner Canyon, and a crazy, rocky, rollercoaster of a descent with sharp embedded rock everywhere and exposure on both sides.
The whole time I was riding, I felt great. In fact, I felt like I was descending better than I ever have in my life. Even Brad noted in his blog that I had a banner day, descent-wise.
So — even though I still felt awful — we went and did it again the next day, this time taking the helmetcam. Here’s the video:
Obviously, I’m still learning to use this camera. Lessons learned from this ride include that I need to adjust the mount on the helmet so it doesn’t point down so far, and to try to tilt the mount up for rear-facing mounts, so I get more of the rider instead of just the trail.
Still, you wouldn’t have thought, looking at this video, that I had been feeling sick as a dog the whole day.
Off to RAWROD
The thing is, I’m about to rely verrrry heavily on the “I feel fine when I’m on the bike” effect. Because today I head out for the Ride Around White Rim in One Day (RAWROD) 2009. Even though I have a near-constant hacking cough that is sometimes so fierce it doubles me over, I am not missing this.
After all, I’m sure that the “I feel fine when riding” effect will hold over the course of a 100 miles of mountain biking.
A Note from Fatty: Winners of the “Meet BSNYC” contest are being notified by email today. Once I’ve got their OK, I will announce their names.
Finally. Spring is here. The weather is great, and I just can’t think of anything I’d rather do than get outside and ride my bike.
Except, that is, ride my rollers in the dead of night for 100 miles.
So, uh, why don’t you join me?
What The 100 Miles of Nowhere Is
The basic idea of the 100 Miles of Nowhere is that no matter where you are, on May 23 you’re going to either ride your rollers, trainer, or a very small outside course for 100 miles. Or if that sounds like too much, you can do 50 miles. Or 25.
But, ideally, 100.
And since you will be the only one racing in your age group, gender, category, and region, you are clearly going to win your age/gender/region/category group.
Yeah, that’s right. I’m guaranteeing you are going to win. How often do you get that kind of assurance in a race?
Oh sure, as you ride, you will certainly have qualms, and may find yourself saying things like, “I can’t believe I’m riding my trainer for 100 miles,” or “I can’t believe I’m paying to ride my trainer for 100 miles,” but then you’ll remind yourself, “But I’m doing this for a really, really good cause.”
And that cause, of course, is helping Team Fatty raise money to fight cancer. Out of the $75 registration you pay, $50 will go straight to the Lance Armstrong Foundation (the other $25 pays for boxing and shipping and stuff like that — trust me, nobody’s making a profit here).
And best of all, if you wear a GPS during your ride, you’ll get to upload an awesome ride track. One that looks like this:
Your friends will be so jealous.
What You Get
As I believe I have mentioned before, one of my most practical superpowers is the ability to ask people to give me stuff without feeling ashamed.
And for the 100 Miles of Nowhere, I have used this power on your behalf.
Here’s the valuable schwag you’re going to get when you do this race.
An event t-shirt, designed and produced by Twin Six . Twin Six designs all my jerseys and t-shirts, and they’ve never ever ever disappointed. This will be one shirt that definitely does not become a rag used to wipe the grease off your chain. Not for several years, anyway. Value: $22.00
A tube of DZ-Nuts. Yes, really. If you use chamois cream, it’s high time you try DZ-Nuts. If you have never tried chamois cream, I cannot think of a more perfect time to begin. As I have noted in my review, this is good stuff. Value: $22.00
A Banjo Brothers Seat Bag: These bags open wide and perfectly hold exactly what you need for a roadside tube change: tube, tire levers, mini tool, CO2 can and adapter. And a couple of rolled-up bills in case you need to buy a Slurpie. Every road bike should have one of these. Value: $10.99
TWOGarmin / Slipstream Camelbak Podium Bottles: I recently got one of these bottles for myself…and I liked it so much that I ordered a six-pack of them. They’re the only bottle I use now. Somehow, CamelBak has made the bike water bottle better. Alotbetter. And the Garmin / Slipstream graphics lookgreat. And how cool is Team Garmin / Slipstream for helping raise money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation? Value: $20.00
CarboRocket Single-Serve packs: How weird is it that one of my very best friends invented what I consider to be the very best sports drink in existence? You’ll get four single-serve packs (perfect for making one bottle’s-worth), letting you try each of the flavors: Kiwi-Lime, Raspberry Lemonade, and maybe some exciting new surprise flavors Brad’s cooking up in his kitchen right now. And, I daresay this is a good opportunity for you to try them out. Value: $6.00
Clif Shot Bloks: The fact that I will, if left to my own devices, eat Shot Bloks recreationally, tells you everything you need to know about them. They taste like jam, and look terrifying when microwaved. Value: $2.00
ProBar : These things taste far too delicious to be organic, and yet they are. And they’re far too delicious, I might add, to be an energy bar. And yet they are. Value: $3.29
All told, your 100 Miles of Nowhere schwag box has right around $84.29 worth of product, and it’s all stuff you’ll actually use, as opposed to the cheesy bag, limp shirt, lame hat, and coupons you won’t use that you get with a lot of your races.
But That’s Not All
Your entry into the 100 Miles of Nowhere also qualifies you for some frankly awesome random “door prizes.”
You might win, for example, the use of — for up to five nights — a beautiful condo in Moab, UT:
Maximum of 5 nights, no pets, use it or lose it — but seriously, if you’ve ever considered coming to Moab for an MTB vacation, this could turn your trip into a seriously styling vacation.
And finally, you could win one of two subscriptions to Cyclocross Magazine. Nice!
Register Today
Registration for the 100 Miles of Nowhere is open now, and will run for one week — ’til 5:00PM CDT April 30. After that, it’s closed, so don’t wait ’til it’s too late!
Then, on May 23rd (or on a day close to the 23rd that’s more convenient to you), do the ride. Make sure you take pictures and send them in; I’ll post ‘em here.
Got questions? Comments? Ideas? Post them in the comments section and I’ll answer the best I can.
A couple of years ago, I traveled a lot. And more often than not, I traveled to New York. Now, I understand that a lot of people love living there — including two of my sisters. But the truth is, I don’t like traveling anywhere on my own, and I especially don’t like to be in a big city on my own.
