How to Ride the Correct Speed

03.13.2016 | 3:49 pm

A Take This Survey Note from Fatty: Late this week or early next week, I’ll be launching a crowdfunding project, to help me make ends meet while I work on the book I’ve been wanting to complete for several years: Fight Like Susan. (Check last Friday’s post for details.) 

Between now and then, do me a favor and (if you haven’t already): click here and take this survey to help me understand which of my incentive ideas are good, and which I should forget about. I’ll let you know the results soon. 

How to Ride the Correct Speed

From time to time, I get email from my readers. I treasure each and every one of these letters, and take care to read each message, consider it carefully, then to answer fully and thoughtfully. In the order received.

Unfortunately, I receive email at a rate that exceeds my ability to respond, which means I am desperately behind in my email responses; I am currently answering email I received in May of 2005 (i.e., the month after I started this blog).

As you may expect, some people are quite perplexed to be receiving responses to questions they no longer even remember asking.

This, however, does not mean the questions are not worth answering. It just means that, frequently, my responses are returned because — more often than not — the person I’m writing to no longer has their AOL or Compuserve email address. 

Which means I need to reply to the question in this public forum, in the hope that my response will reach its intended audience.

Such is the case in the letter I am replying to today.

Dear Mr. Cyclist,

I like riding with other cyclists, but I worry that I’m holding my faster friends up. How can I let them know that it’s OK with me for them to ride on ahead, that I don’t mind if they drop me and then rendezvous later?

Thanks,

Rick Sunderlage 
(not my real name)

Dear Rick,

Your heart is in the right place, but you have weak mind. If you were capable of thinking clearly, you would realize that you are not asking the right question. In which case instead of wondering how to properly communicate that you are OK with other people going faster than you are, you would be asking this much more important question:

What is the correct speed to ride my bicycle?

This is the question I choose to answer, with the intention of ignoring the question you actually asked.

You’re welcome.

The Wrong Speeds

When it comes down to it, there are really only three speeds a cyclist can ride: too slow, too fast, and just right. As you may have just realized, the correct speed to ride your bicycle is at the just right speed. 

But how can you tell if you’re riding at just the right speed? Well, that’s not as difficult to figure out as you might think.

All you have to do is go on a ride with me.

If, as we ride together, I start half-wheeling you, that’s a pretty good indicator that you are riding too slowly.

If I push the pace up by a mile per hour each time I start my pull, that means you are probably going too slow.

If I say, “Hey, how come you’re going so slow?” you are almost certainly going too slow. 

The remedy for this problem is for you to go faster. 

But be careful when you do this. Because if you start half-wheeling me, you are obviously going too fast. And that’s not cool. Not cool at all. 

Or suppose, as we ride together, you start slowly pulling away, and I jump to catch your wheel, but then find I can’t quite do it and you build a gap I just can’t bridge, and you drop me.

When that happens, you’re going too fast, and that’s a character flaw you may want to address, because it means you’re being selfish and not taking my needs into account. As if this ride is all about you, when in fact I think we can both agree it is actually about me. 

Try to remember that in the future. You think you can do that? Thanks.

The Correct Speed

Allow me, then, to make a recommendation. Instead of riding faster than I do, or slower than I do, ride at precisely the same speed I’m riding at the moment. By doing this, you’ll avoid the twin problems of making me wait for you, and of making me go faster than I want to (or am capable of, I suppose).

For example, I have noticed many times that practically everyone goes too fast on technical mountain bike descents. I am so disappointed in these people; they should have the courtesy and common sense to go the correct speed (mine).

Then these same people will go an entirely other wrong kind of speed during climbs, forcing me to drop them. It’s not that I’m trying to put the hurt on them or anything; I’m just going the correct speed for the climb. 

Please bear in mind that this, the correct speed, is subject to change without notice, and may in fact change multiple times during a given ride. For example, if I’m feeling good that day, the right speed for the ride can be surprisingly rapid.

If, on the other hand, it turns out a little later in that ride that maybe I’m not feeling as great as I originally thought, the correct speed may drop precipitously.

How is it possible that no matter the speed I am going, it is the right speed for the occasion? I’m as mystified by this as you no doubt are.

And yet, it’s manifestly true. No matter what speed I ride, it always feels like I’m going the right speed, and that any other speed would be either recklessly aggressive, or dilly-dallying.

All you need to do, then, is just imagine we’re riding together, and just go the speed I would go if I were really there with you. 

Just don’t half-wheel the imaginary me you’re riding with. Even my imaginary self thinks that is not cool. 

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Help Fatty, Get a Killer Deal on FatCyclist Gear

03.8.2016 | 2:27 pm

A Note for People Who Tried Ordering After We Overloaded the Server: We’re back; please try again!

A Note from Fatty for People Who Want to Get Right to the Point: If you’d like to skip straight to the bottom line, here it is: FatCyclist gear is all 50% off, with free shipping and a free t-shirt or cycling cap for all orders over $100. While supplies last, natch. Click here to shop now.

Yesterday, I mentioned that I’m at a personal crossroads right now, and that I would be telling you more about what’s going on this week.

And I will. I’ll tell you everything, as soon as I know everything. Because things are changing fast, and what I think I know keeps changing. I have a lot to figure out. Some of it’s exciting; most of it’s scary.

However, I do know a few things already, and I’m going to ask you to help me out. So here’s what I know so far:

1. My financial situation is in crisis. 
2. I have a full range of 2015 FatCyclist gear in inventory.  It is the best-made, most comfortable cycling gear I have ever sold. By a lot.
3. I think there’s a way for me to do a couple of very exciting things — I want to write Fight Like Susan, and I have a super-secret charity project I’ve been putting a lot of time into — but right now I need to take care of some near-term issues. 
4. By “near-term issues,” I mean, “Before I can go forward, I need to dig out of a hole.”

I have an idea that will help me take some next steps: sell the FatCyclist gear inventory. And sell it fast. 

And that made me think: what if I didn’t worry about making a profit on this gear, even though it’s pretty much Rapha-quality? What if I knocked 50% off the price?

And what if I shipped it for free (at least in the US)?

And then, I reasoned, what if I got fully stupid and gave a free FatCyclist t-shirt or FatCyclist cycling caps (until I ran out) to anyone who buys at least $100 worth of gear?

I know, that’s insane. But it’s fully true. Click here and see.

The Basics

I wrote a description of all the gear back when it was up for pre-order, so you can of course check that out. But here are a few updates I have to give after having ridden using DNA gear for a season:

• Relaxed-Fit Short Sleeve Jersey: fits looser than the Twin Six jerseys and is not as long, which means it doesn’t bunch up around the zipper when you’re hunched over and riding. Now $42.99
• Race-Fit Short Sleeve Jersey: This fits close and is of very light material. It’s my very favorite summer jersey. If you don’t have one, you should order one (but maybe size up). Now $49.99
• Thermal Long Sleeve Jersey: This is the best cool-weather jersey I have ever owned. It is so comfortable, and it looks so good. It was a good deal at $120, and it’s a ridiculous steal at $59.99.
• Race Bib Shorts: I went out of my way to select these shorts in combination with this chamois, because they’re both ridiculously good. Until I had DNA bib shorts, I always just wore Rapha shorts. These…well, I promise you’ll be so much more comfortable than in cheap shorts. Except now these are cheap, at $62.50.
• Ladies Race Shorts: I have never tried these on, but The Hammer — who ordinarily sticks with bibs — likes these enough that she insisted I make them available. $47.50. 
• Vest: It weighs practically nothing, looks great, and does exactly what a vest should. Now $49.99
• Arm Warmers: You can never have too many of these, especially because of how versatile they are, and the way they’ll go with practically any kit. I recommend sizing up. Now $17.50.
• Hoodie: I love hoodies in general, and this one in particular. I wear it about three days out of seven. I’m wearing it right now. Honestly I can’t believe I’m clearing them out at $24.99.

If you do the math, this means you can put together a super-high-quality bibs+jersey kit for right around $100. Total, including shipping (which is free in the US, just in case you forgot). And if you do spend more than $100, I’m going to throw in a Fat Cyclist t-shirt, just for the heck of it.

And once I run out of t-shirts (or if I don’t have a t-shirt in the size of the jersey or hoodie you’re ordering), I’ll throw in a Fat Cyclist cycling cap instead. An once I run out of those, they’re gone. And that’s what I’m shooting for.

How it Looks

At this point, I’m pretty sure I’ve just made the most compelling case possible for ordering FatCyclist gear. Except I haven’t shown off photos of how great this gear looks. Checkitout:

My niece and nephew-in-law, staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Why? Because Fat Cyclist gear makes you beautiful and thin and loveable, that’s why.

Dave Thompson runs happily up the Leadville 100 Powerline trail. Why? Because FatCyclist gear makes you happy and thin and fast. 

The Hammer and me at Levi’s GranFondo. Why? Because FatCyclist gear makes every ride a day at the beach.

What’s Next

I am very busy right now. Just so you know, I am finalizing the design for next year’s Fat Cyclist gear, and I hope you will buy it, too. It will make it  possible for me to pay bills and keep my kids in school.

I am also working on my outline for Fight Like Susan, and putting together a pre-order of this book. You’ll see it soon. If you’re all willing to help me with these things, I’ll have enough money that I can spend two or three months writing, instead of scrambling for a job.

And if things go well on these fronts, well…I’ll hopefully have enough momentum that I can launch a charity project I’ve wanted to do for years.

But first things first.

If you were holding off on a Fat Cyclist kit for price reasons, now’s your chance. If you got one and liked it, maybe get another, because then you won’t have to wash clothes as often. 

I’ll have more to talk about soon. Thank you for your help.

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Kathryn Bertine on The FattyCast, Me on the Paceline

03.3.2016 | 11:20 am

I’m such a fan of the amazing things that are happening in women’s cycling right now. Which, just in case you didn’t know it, automatically means I’m a huge fan of Kathryn Bertine: pro cyclist, author, filmmaker and activist.

Kathryn Bertine’s one of the strongest voices in women’s cycling. Her documentary, Half the Road, has opened eyes and doors about this neglected half of our sport.

But her achievements have come at a cost.

In the latest episode of The FattyCast, Kathryn and I talk about risk, reward, politics in the peloton, advocacy, her new team and her role in it, her next book, and how hard it can be for pro cyclists to keep a roof over their heads.                 

It’s an inspirational, honest, and very open conversation with a strong cyclist who’s making a difference. You won’t want to miss this episode of The FattyCast. 

So: check it out on iTunes, or Google Play Music, or get the RSS Feed (http://fattycast.com/rss). Or just listen / download it here:

And while you’re at it, be sure to read the book that made me a fan of Kathryn’s writing before I ever admired her work in women’s cycling: As Good As Gold. It’s a fun, funny, and eye-opening read…especially in a Summer Olympics year.

Fatty and Red Kite Prayer, on The PaceLine #7 

I have really been enjoying working Patrick Brady and Michael Hotten of Red Kite Prayer on a second weekly podcast: The Paceline (subscribe on iTunes here).

The latest episode is especially good, because I talk a bunch on it. Specifically, we talk about: 

• Cycling words we could do with out — and I go off the rails and start talking why I think we should eliminate the word “doping” from our vocabulary.
• Tipping the Mechanic: Yes, we actually talk about one of my blog posts and whether bike mechanics should be tipped, and more specifically to what degree (and with what substance) they should be tipped. It’s like this weird alternate universe where I’m a serious, thoughtful person who somehow believes he has something to say.
• Bike Wheel Sizes: In which I suddenly have a genuinely brilliant flash of inspiration. Seriously. 

Comments (7)

Six Years

02.29.2016 | 11:19 am

Six years ago (on March 3, 2010, to be exact), The Hammer and I got married.

On our honeymoon, we went to Zions National Park, where we spent a long weekend hiking, mountain biking, and road biking.

And it’s been our tradition to do the same thing every year on our anniversary (or as close to it as is possible with our work constraints).

So while I won’t be posting for the next few days (’til Thursday), here are a few pictures of what’s been going on.

Day 1: True Grit Recon

In order for me to get over the bugaboo I developed regarding the True Grit Course, on the first day of our vacation, The Hammer and I pre-rode the True Grit course.

Through a strange (but completely welcome) turn of events, orchestrated mostly by The Swimmer’s Other Mom (AKA The IT Guy), The Swimmer crashed our pre-ride of the course.

And I do mean “crashed” quite literally.

On the very fast descent from the top of Stucki Springs, The Swimmer flew ahead. She was doing great ’til she came into a whoop-de-do a little hot, landed just a little off the trail nose first, and went down on her right side. 

The bad news: she slid on her face, got pretty cut up, and chipped a tooth.

The good news: the place she landed was remarkably soft and rock-free, and she didn’t break anything (having seen the crash, I would have bet cash money on a broken clavicle).

Se did finish the ride, and is still planning on doing the True Grit in a couple weeks. Tough girl.

Day 2: Angel’s Landing and a Secret Spot Scramble

Yesterday, The Hammer and I climbed up to Angel’s Landing, hustling to the summit in under an hour.

In the afternoon, we met up with Kenny, Heather, Kathleen and Lucas to do a hike unlike anything I’ve ever done before: Island in the Sky, in Snow Canyon. 

More of a climb (scramble?) than a hike, really:

It was an amazing day. Definitely outside my comfort zone, but I saw things and tried things I never would have ever expected to try / do in my life.

Today 

And now, today, We’re going on a long road ride. Probably 100 miles, starting from Zions and heading out toward Hurricane and St. George. We’ll bring money, and stop and eat numerous times along the way.

Tomorrow? More mountain biking and hiking, probably. We’re not fancy people; we didn’t buy physical presents for each other. But on this, our sixth anniversary, we’re spending time together doing what we love doing, in a place we love, and — as a bonus — getting together with some friends and family we love to do things with.

Our life, right now, is darned near perfect.

PS: Thanks to Heather, who took most of the really awesome pictures from yesterday’s hike/climb/scramble. 

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Bike Mechanic Tipping Etiquette for Dummies

02.25.2016 | 7:09 pm

It’s a well-known fact that bike shops are flush with cash, and the people who work in these bike shops have a very similar problem: so much money and time on their hands that they are frequently left at a loss: vacation in France, Italy, Spain, Mallorca, or all of them in turn?

Thus, it is entirely unnecessary to tip people who work at bike shops. They’re doing just fine. Pretty much like servers and other restaurant workers: hey, they’re getting paid.

The New Basic Rule

I should probably make it clear at this point that I don’t work at a bike shop. I’ve never worked at a bike shop. I’ve never even worked at any job where I get tips (though now that I think about it, I should totally have a tip jar in this blog).

So I’m probably about the worst person in the world to be writing this post. But that’s been true of pretty much everything I’ve ever written about bicycles, and it’s never stopped me before.

Weirdly, if you go to the Internet, people seem to think the idea of tipping your bike mechanic is odd at best, usually unneccessary, and definitely not expected. Something you do maybe when a mechanic goes above and beyond. 

This is, quite simply, both horrible and stupid.

The accepted common wisdom, it seems to me, is that if your mechanic does a good job, they get nothing. If they do an amazing job, a miraculous job, you give them some beer.

The common wisdom notes that bike shop mechanics are happy to receive the beer. I would assert that the mechanics are simply being polite, in the same way that anytime anyone gives you anything, you act happy to receive it.

Here’s an interesting fact you may not have considered, however: rent, groceries, and utilities cannot be bartered for beer. 

As it turns out, beer is not as much of a fungible as some of us think.

You may be even more interested to discover this surprising fact: if a mechanic would like a beer, they can obtain a beer…with money.

Thus — and I’m just throwing this out here — unless you have a specific understanding of your mechanic’s wants and needs (for example, if you know for a fact that a mechanic loves burritos from Mountain West Burritos and is going to be working through lunch on your bike, and has furthermore asked you to buy her a burrito), how about tipping your mechanic using this clever sing-a-long algorithm I’ve developed (and also use for tipping food servers):

Round it, double it, drop a digit.

For example, if you’re getting a $53 tune-up, round it to the nearest ten to $50, double it to $100, and then drop the final digit. Ta-da: $10, and easy to do in your head.

And yes, for those of you who like to do real math, I’m simply advocating a twenty-ish percent tip. That extra five percent (more than 15% I mean) makes the number easier to figure out, won’t hurt you financially, and will help the person who’s working for you.

Naturally, you’re going to need to apply some intelligence here. Like, suppose you’re buying a $5000 bike and are having it built up. Am I really suggesting you tip $1000 here?

No, I am not.

What I’m suggesting is that you find out how much the bike shop charges for a bike build (in Utah, that’s around $150-$250), and tip 20% on that. $30-$50. Tip 20% on the labor. That’s not so much, and it feels fair to both you and the mechanic, since the work the mechanic is doing doesn’t vary hugely based on the selling price of the bike.

Repeat after me: Round it, double it, drop a digit.

Special Cases

So, that’s that. Tip 20%. Simple. I’m not sure how I stretched that into so many words, but that can be said of about 88% of my posts.

But there are times when 20% is not enough. When you need to step up and tip exorbitantly. For example:

The Tire of 1000 Thorns: If you rode your bike through a field of goatheads, then bring your bike to the bike shop to fix the flat, you should tip $0.25 per thorn removed. If you do the math and it makes more sense to just buy a new tire…buy a new tire. I’m guessing your mechanic will be grateful.

Build Salvaging: So you just built a wheel. Awesome. Except the tension on the spokes won’t balance out. And for some stupid reason, it just won’t true.

You know what you should do? You should take it to your mechanic. And then pay a 30% tip over the charge of a complete wheel build, because there is no way it isn’t going to take longer to fix your build than it would to build it in the first place. 

And if you stand around and ask questions and try to justify how you messed this wheel up so badly, you need to up that tip to 50%.

Divining Rod Diagnosis: If you provide only a vague idea of what’s wrong when you leave your bike with the mechanic (“There’s a weird scratchy clunky sound coming from from the crankset, but it might be the seatpost, or the headset,”) you put your mechanic in the position of needing to figure out not only how to fix your bike, but also what needs fixing, and probably under what circumstances the problem even occurs.

The proper tip for this kind of detective work is one dollar for every minute spent trying to make sense of the strange sounds you made. And if it turns out that the problem was in an area of the bike other than where you said it would be, tack on an additional $5.00. A “misguided guidance” penalty, if you will.

Beyond the Call of Duty Repair: If your mechanic discovers a serious problem with your bike and corrects it before things go all pear-shaped on you, thereby preventing a walk of shame or death, add $20 to the tip. Which is a ridiculously cheap price to pay for avoiding a walk of shame or faceplant, when you think about it.

Emergency Stand-Swap Repair: If you arrive in a bike shop with need for emergency repairs, managing to get the mechanic to take another bike out of the stand and replace it with yours, it’s your responsibility to pay the tip for both your work and the work being done on the bike you just supplanted. Because you know the other person’s going to be mad and not leave a tip when they get to the shop in twenty minutes and find their bike isn’t done.

“One More Thing” Repair: When you get to the shop to pick up your completed bike and then remember something else you need done, tip triple. That will help your memory improve next time.

Naturally, none of this is necessary, because bike mechanics are already ridiculously well-paid for their experience and ability. Still, I guess you could use it as a guide to tipping bike shop mechanics.

You know, if you feel like making these one-percenters even more ridiculously rich. 

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