- Roadkill-Blogging Fridays: I know — though I don’t understand why — that a number of bloggers feature pictures of their dogs and/or cats on their Friday posts. As I passed a dead deer today, its legs pointing straight up into the air, I thought, "I should take a picture of this and start posting the most interesting roadkill I’ve seen during the week each Friday." But then I’d have to change the name of my blog to "Fat, Sicko Cyclist." And that just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
- Al Trautwig Interviews Eddy Merckx. I’ve been enjoying writing my "Fat Cyclist News Service" stuff, and was thinking this might be the next one. Basically, Al Trautwig would be interviewing Eddy Merckx, but he would only ask questions about Lance, completely ignoring — or more likely, completely unaware of — Eddy’s accomplishments. There are a couple problems with this one, though. First, I’ve hammered on OLN and Al Trautwig enough for one week. Second, it’s a one-joke story. Maybe Bob, owner of Bob’s Top 5, could do something with this. Bob is 1.3 times as funny as I.
- Lance Armstrong Drinking Game: Interesting thing about yesterday’s entry (Lance Armstrong Drinking Game = Certain Death), where I talked about how I counted 162 references to Lance Armstrong in a single TdF stage: I didn’t figure out the correct angle for it until I had almost finished it. I was at the paragraph where I wrote that nobody would survive a Lance Armstrong Drinking Game. Suddenly, I saw two great possibilities. Either 1) Rules for a Lance Armstrong Drinking Game, or 2) Fat Cyclist News Service story about how 5 people were tragically found dead after playing the Lance Armstrong Drinking Game. This second one was one of those "writes itself" things. But I had already written my entry for the day and was unwilling to start over. Maybe I should change my blog name to "Fat, Lazy Cyclist." While riding in this morning, I thought about writing that story for today’s entry, but once again, I’ve kind of made my point/joke (OLN talks about Lance to the exclusion of everything else in the Tour) to excess now.
- I’ve Been Plagiarized! A blog or two has posted my "Phil Liggett Fired by OLN" entry, without attribution or a link, changing (Fat Cyclist News Service) to (Reuters). I considered making my post today an indignant, self-righteous flame, but the truth is I’m overjoyed. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I think plagiarism is even more sincere. Imitation says "I want to be like you." Plagiarism says, "I want to be like you so much I’m going to pretend I am you." In my heart of hearts, I really hope this version gets passed around the web more and more until it winds up getting legit news coverage and OLN has to make a statement saying that, no, they haven’t fired Phil, and then eventually it becomes big enough that Snopes has to debunk it. OK, I’m hyperventilating now.
- Give Away Some Money, Just for the Heck of It. I (barely) made my weight goal today, but I briefly considered pretending I hadn’t, just to see how many people would post comments. But then I thought, "no, that’ll happen for real soon enough." By the way, the Fat Cyclist Sweepstakes jackpot goes up to $75 for next week.
- Talk About My Writing Style Crutches: I don’t seem to be able to write anything without using bullet lists, absurd quantities of em-dashes, and more semicolons in a page than most people use in a lifetime. It’s the mark of a writer who uses gimmicks in lieu of talent. I thought that I could write a post describing my resolution to use fewer stylistic crutches, but in the process use them even more than usual. And while that might have entertained me, I doubt it would have entertained a single other person in the whole world.
So, instead, today I wrote about what I didn’t write about. How recursive! How clever!
Today’s Weight: 169.8. I had to go to extreme measures to hit this weight, so I’m once again in the "rob Peter to pay Paul" situation. A Fat Cyclist Sweepstakes payout next week is a good bet.
Up Next: An updated Fat Cyclist photo is long overdue. I’ll post one over the weekend, when nobody’s watching. Tee hee.