Bad Ideas

07.8.2005 | 7:15 pm

It’s a little-known fact that I generally decide what I’m going to write in my blog for the day during my bike ride in to work.
Today, it was raining. Hard. And it was cold. I had to revert to the tights and rain jacket for my commute in, which put me in a black mood. And that, I like to think, is why I had to reject idea after idea for what I would write here today. Specifically:
  • Roadkill-Blogging Fridays: I know — though I don’t understand why — that a number of bloggers feature pictures of their dogs and/or cats on their Friday posts. As I passed a dead deer today, its legs pointing straight up into the air, I thought, "I should take a picture of this and start posting the most interesting roadkill I’ve seen during the week each Friday." But then I’d have to change the name of my blog to "Fat, Sicko Cyclist." And that just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
  • Al Trautwig Interviews Eddy Merckx. I’ve been enjoying writing my "Fat Cyclist News Service" stuff, and was thinking this might be the next one. Basically, Al Trautwig would be interviewing Eddy Merckx, but he would only ask questions about Lance, completely ignoring — or more likely, completely unaware of — Eddy’s accomplishments. There are a couple problems with this one, though. First, I’ve hammered on OLN and Al Trautwig enough for one week. Second, it’s a one-joke story. Maybe Bob, owner of Bob’s Top 5, could do something with this. Bob is 1.3 times as funny as I.
  • Lance Armstrong Drinking Game: Interesting thing about yesterday’s entry  (Lance Armstrong Drinking Game = Certain Death), where I talked about how I counted 162 references to Lance Armstrong in a single TdF stage: I didn’t figure out the correct angle for it until I had almost finished it. I was at the paragraph where I wrote that nobody would survive a Lance Armstrong Drinking Game. Suddenly, I saw two great possibilities. Either 1) Rules for a Lance Armstrong Drinking Game, or 2) Fat Cyclist News Service story about how 5 people were tragically found dead after playing the Lance Armstrong Drinking Game. This second one was one of those "writes itself" things. But I had already written my entry for the day and was unwilling to start over. Maybe I should change my blog name to "Fat, Lazy Cyclist." While riding in this morning, I thought about writing that story for today’s entry, but once again, I’ve kind of made my point/joke (OLN talks about Lance to the exclusion of everything else in the Tour) to excess now.
  • I’ve Been Plagiarized! A blog or two has posted my "Phil Liggett Fired by OLN" entry, without attribution or a link, changing (Fat Cyclist News Service) to (Reuters). I considered making my post today an indignant, self-righteous flame, but the truth is I’m overjoyed. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I think plagiarism is even more sincere. Imitation says "I want to be like you." Plagiarism says, "I want to be like you so much I’m going to pretend I am you." In my heart of hearts, I really hope this version gets passed around the web more and more until it winds up getting legit news coverage and OLN has to make a statement saying that, no, they haven’t fired Phil, and then eventually it becomes big enough that Snopes has to debunk it. OK, I’m hyperventilating now.
  • Give Away Some Money, Just for the Heck of It. I (barely) made my weight goal today, but I briefly considered pretending I hadn’t, just to see how many people would post comments. But then I thought, "no, that’ll happen for real soon enough." By the way, the Fat Cyclist Sweepstakes jackpot goes up to $75 for next week.
  • Talk About My Writing Style Crutches: I don’t seem to be able to write anything without using bullet lists, absurd quantities of em-dashes, and more semicolons in a page than most people use in a lifetime. It’s the mark of a writer who uses gimmicks in lieu of talent. I thought that I could write a post describing my resolution to use fewer stylistic crutches, but in the process use them even more than usual. And while that might have entertained me, I doubt it would have entertained a single other person in the whole world.

So, instead, today I wrote about what I didn’t write about. How recursive! How clever! 


Today’s Weight: 169.8. I had to go to extreme measures to hit this weight, so I’m once again in the "rob Peter to pay Paul" situation. A Fat Cyclist Sweepstakes payout next week is a good bet.


Up Next: An updated Fat Cyclist photo is long overdue. I’ll post one over the weekend, when nobody’s watching. Tee hee.


  1. Comment by kris | 07.8.2005 | 9:30 pm

    "Good job on hitting weight again" I say as I sit here eating a large cookie dough DQ Blizzard. You’ve mentioned your weekday riding routine, but what kind of rides have you been doing on the weekends? I’m just curious as this will be my 2nd LT100 (10:37 last year, waaaay better than I thought I’d do), and I’m wondering what the veterans of the race do to prepare. I could post this on the LT100 message board, but I’m too lazy, and you’d probably answer there anyway. later

  2. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 07.8.2005 | 9:41 pm

    KJ, you beat me last year, so I don’t know what kind of advice I could give that wouldn’t slow you down. That won’t stop me, though. Once per weekend, I do a 4-5 hr ride, depending on how much time I can get for myself. A few times per season, I do full-length (8-10 hr) efforts. Different folks are going to have different recommendations.

  3. Comment by Jodi | 07.8.2005 | 9:58 pm

    Bah. On my morning run today I was thinking about what clever comment I could make to win your sweepstakes. C’mon….you were eating the 7-layer. I *know* the 7-layer. It makes me feel both happy and horrible, and there’s no way you should have lost weight this week. Anyway, the things I came up with will have to be saved, I suppose. Until you fail…..I’ll be seeing you soon, so don’t make me sabotage you. I’ll do it. I know where and when you’re weak. Love always, and best wishes………your sister.

  4. Comment by Unknown | 07.8.2005 | 10:11 pm

    writing about writing, or, in this case, writing about not writing. i’m disappointed. you’ve provided me with high comedy, you’ve made me laugh, cry, eat, even do a little two step periodically. but this. i guess the pressure of producing every day is too much. maybe you should scale back a tich, 3 days a week or something.

  5. Comment by Unknown | 07.10.2005 | 12:22 pm

    Hey Fat Cyclist!I’ve been following your blog since it’s inception. As a fellow LT100 wacko, I can relate to alot of what you write about. Keep it up! I just wanted to make you aware of my blog that you might want to include in your cycling blog list. You might find it interesting. Here’s the Let me know if you have any questions. I won’t be doing the LT100 this year, but I got the thumbs-up from the CFO to be there in 2006. Time to start training!Thanks! John

  6. Comment by Unknown | 07.13.2005 | 12:49 am

    Well as for bad things, I would figure these would be bad things for others but I feel are dead on goods.1. An interview with Tyler’s Chimira (sp?) Twin2. An offical WTF is Sherryl doing at the tour Poll. And as Lance is retiring will he also follow Sherryl around on Tour (concerts) and assume to know all about music and actually start playing eventhough he sucks at it?I come up with these all the time, riding or on the can, I feel no place should limit your thinking.


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