Riding in to work today, it occurred to me that what I really ought to do is parlay my own modest success at losing weight into a multibillion dollar weight loss conglomerate. I would call it the "You Bet Your Weight" diet plan, and would do it in partnership with GNC Nutrition and Golden Casino Online Betting. Here’s how it would work:
- Set your goals. You make an overall weight loss goal and a weekly weight loss goal and enter them into the website.
- Place your bet. Set the amount that you will contribute to the jackpot each week. The more you contribute, the greater your portion when you win.
- Lose weight. Each week, you go to a GNC, where they weigh you (hey, they already have the scales). If you didn’t meet your goal, you lose everything you’ve bet to that point. If you did meet your goal, you collect your portion of the jackpot from the people who didn’t meet their goal.
Betting + Public Humiliation = Success!
The real genius behind this diet is that it’s public. This is where Golden Palace would come in. Once a month, you’re forced to post a new picture, which the public can browse, looking at how you’re progressing — or failing to progress. They can also see how long your winning/losing streak has gone, and place bets on whether you’ll make your goal the following week. You’ll be able to see how many people are betting for you / against you, and then convert that knowledge either into newfound confidence or indignant outrage, whichever seems more appropriate.
I tell you, the combination of feeding on people’s gambling addictions and weight obsession is pure genius. Who wants to give me a million dollars in investment capital to get started?
I accept PayPal.
Speaking of Online Betting and Public Humiliation…
I’ve posted a new Fat Cyclist photo today, in honor of my having lost 20 pounds. And since I reached my weight goal this week, the Fat Cyclist Sweepstakes jackpot goes up to $100. Because here at Fat Cyclist Enterprises, we firmly believe that Our Shame Should be Your Gain(tm).
Today’s Weight: 167.4