Lose Weight Today…The Fat Cyclist Way!

07.15.2005 | 10:02 pm

Riding in to work today, it occurred to me that what I really ought to do is parlay my own modest success at losing weight into a multibillion dollar weight loss conglomerate. I would call it the "You Bet Your Weight" diet plan, and would do it in partnership with GNC Nutrition and Golden Casino Online Betting. Here’s how it would work:

  1. Set your goals. You make an overall weight loss goal and a weekly weight loss goal and enter them into the website.
  2. Place your bet. Set the amount that you will contribute to the jackpot each week. The more you contribute, the greater your portion when you win.
  3. Lose weight. Each week, you go to a GNC, where they weigh you (hey, they already have the scales). If you didn’t meet your goal, you lose everything you’ve bet to that point. If you did meet your goal, you collect your portion of the jackpot from the people who didn’t meet their goal.

Betting + Public Humiliation = Success!

The real genius behind this diet is that it’s public. This is where Golden Palace would come in. Once a month, you’re forced to post a new picture, which the public can browse, looking at how you’re progressing — or failing to progress. They can also see how long your winning/losing streak has gone, and place bets on whether you’ll make your goal the following week. You’ll be able to see how many people are betting for you / against you, and then convert that knowledge either into newfound confidence or indignant outrage, whichever seems more appropriate.

I tell you, the combination of feeding on people’s gambling addictions and weight obsession is pure genius. Who wants to give me a million dollars in investment capital to get started?

I accept PayPal.


Speaking of Online Betting and Public Humiliation…

I’ve posted a new Fat Cyclist photo today, in honor of my having lost 20 pounds. And since I reached my weight goal this week, the Fat Cyclist Sweepstakes jackpot goes up to $100. Because here at Fat Cyclist Enterprises, we firmly believe that Our Shame Should be Your Gain(tm).


Today’s Weight: 167.4


  1. Comment by Kenny | 07.18.2005 | 6:19 pm

    This is the best idea I’ve ever heard. I think you should hire me as the hard ass bald personal trainer who shames your clients into making thier goals.

  2. Comment by Unknown | 08.20.2005 | 9:10 am

    Really fantastic idea. I need to lose around 14lbs. You’ve got me thinking whether l could do something similar. Not bike riding though – sorry. Keep up the good work!

  3. Comment by Tiffany | 08.20.2005 | 1:53 pm

    Hey this was really interesting! My mom and I got a pretty good kick out of your jokes. :-) Anyways, I just wanted to enter the jackpot. Good luck with your weight loss! You’re funny.

  4. Comment by Anne | 08.20.2005 | 3:35 pm

    I am married to a randonneur who does brevets so I really found your little "dialog" with the seasoned randonneur to be hilarious. Good luck to you!

  5. Comment by Unknown | 08.20.2005 | 4:07 pm

    Dude,You are the best. Just to help you with your perspective, I wiegh in at a monstrous 230 pounds, I am 6′4". I have been riding for twenty five years. If I could get back to 190 I would be deliriously happy, and probably delirious too. So, don’t feel bad if you are wavering around 170 or so, it could be much worse.

  6. Comment by stephen | 08.20.2005 | 4:10 pm

    I just looked at your picture. No offense my man, but your problem isn’t just fat – it’s an absence of muscle. You’ve let your upper body go to hell. And, you probably have the metabolism of a sloth when you’re not on your bike. Cycling will only get you so far (pun intended) – you’ll need to hit the weights if you want to drop your body fat below 10%.

  7. Comment by Unknown | 08.20.2005 | 5:33 pm

    there’s a book that I just read that your blog reminds me of. It’s called "In Memory of Running" by Ron McLarty. It’s about a guy on a bike who loses weight. It doesn’t go in depth about biking or weight; its more about his personal journey on a bike.

  8. Comment by Laurie | 08.20.2005 | 6:40 pm

    Came across your site, makes for entertaining reading, keep on riding, and good luck.

  9. Comment by Unknown | 08.20.2005 | 8:55 pm

    Is it that you enjoy riding? Or is it that you enjoy the bingeing? Or both? Obviously, studies have shown over and over again that exercise is good for you, and even better if you enjoy it. But, what I’m trying to figure out and I think this may be beneficial to you and your eating disorder ways is, if you feel so good after riding, why do you do something that sabotages your performance after? Wanting to flea your bathroom scale like it was going to eat you alive is obviously not good for you or your mental health. Showing pictures of yourself on the internet is not helping your situation either because people are likely to comment. If those comments are positive or negative you are probably going to analyze them either way. I think you really need to understand why you binge and obsess about your weight and maybe that will take some pressure off the bike and you will enjoy riding even more. I wish you well on your journey.


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