I Oughta Fire My Personal Trainer

08.1.2005 | 6:17 pm

I’m a nice guy, so it’s hard for me to say this, but I think I’m going to have to fire my personal trainer. He’s just not getting the job done for me. Consider the stupid training mistakes he’s made for me this year:
  • Haphazard diet that came too late: My trainer has known since this time last year that I wanted to be back into racing condition by now. So what did he do? He did nothing until May, by which time I should have already been light and fit and ready to race. And then he gave me only vague parameters for my diet: "Eat lots of fruit and vegetables, and don’t pig out on chips when you watch the news at night." No wonder I’m still 17 pounds overweight.
  • No organized schedule: My trainer would often wait until I was actually on my bike before deciding what kind of training I would do that day, and even then he was incredibly vague about what my objectives were: "You rode hard yesterday, so take it easy today," he’d say. Or, "Why don’t you go out and see where that forested road out by Snoqualmie Falls leads to? It looks pretty."  I swear, I don’t think he had me do a day of intervals or a recovery ride the whole season. He just sent me out on one medium-effort ride after another.
  • Reactive, not proactive: After my trainer heard that I had a tough time in the hills at the RAMROD last week, he started having me do ride nothing but hills for the past couple of rides, and it looks like he plans to keep that up for who-knows-how-long. And the thing is, we both know that it’s too late for me to be a good climber at the Leadville 100, since it’s only two weeks away.
In fact, it seems as if my personal trainer has gained his knowledge of proper training techniques primarily through anecdotes, random advice, and often-contradictory magazine articles. Clearly, he’s ill-informed and incompetent. I can’t believe I ever listened to the guy.
I’ve learned my lesson, though. A year from now I’ll be doing my tenth consecutive Leadville 100 — something only a small handful of people have done. I’ll be 40 years old. Wouldn’t it be great if — finally — I got that sub-9-hour award I’ve been dreaming of? Maybe with a decent trainer, I’ll have a chance.
Today’s weight: 166.8
Bonus giveaway explanation, just in case I haven’t hit you over the head hard enough with its obviousness: My "personal trainer" is me.


  1. Comment by Unknown | 08.1.2005 | 6:22 pm

    i like you better fat. stop trying to lose weight. pretty good is good enough. just stay under 170.

  2. Comment by kris | 08.1.2005 | 6:38 pm

    Instead of "No organized schedule", I prefer "Listening to your body" or "Flexible training regimen". You HAVE to get under nine hours next year, because reading your blog (and seeing you fly down Columbine while I’m pushing my bike up) is the closest I’ll ever get to sub-nine.

  3. Comment by Unknown | 08.1.2005 | 8:11 pm

    Right on! Drop that loser asap!

  4. Comment by JPSOCAL | 08.2.2005 | 10:49 pm

    I know how you feel….I’m about ready to fire mine too(yep it’s me). Sometimes it’s just way too hard to stay motivated and it gets harder as you get older. I guess we crave comfort more as we get older. I’m 56 and found out that because of my stupidity and carelessness I’ve got some blocked coronary arteries. So now I have to eat properly and excercise. I hate "having" to do anything. But at least i still love bike riding. Keep up the good work and just except that you can only do what you can do. We all reach stages where we just can’t do what we did when we were younger. I have found that i can do things I never could before as well. Some interesting tradeoffs. Incidently I really love your journal keep writing and I’ll keep reading. I’m sure you’ll get popular now that you’re on the cyclingnews site.Jay


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