12.29.2005 | 8:30 pm

It is known far and wide that I make the best mashed potatoes in the entire world, as well as the best banana cream pie. My chili is perhaps the best in the world, too, especially when matched with the fry bread I make. When I choose to, I am fully capable of demonstrating an unmatched ability to grill and dress a burger.

And now it’s winter, when I traditionally let my guard down and make all this food. It’s when I demonstrate that I could quite probably run a comfort-food restaurant. People love me this time of year.

And I have grown fat again. I am amazed how little time it took. No, just kidding. This happens each year. I’m just pretending to be amazed.

It stops now, though. It has to.


The Fat Cyclist 2006 Event Itinerary

2006 is going to be my biggest, best cycling season ever. I need to be in shape for it. No, “in shape” doesn’t cover it. I need to be in the best shape of my life. Here’s why.

  • Kokopelli Trail Ride (May 13): My first big event of the year is also the biggest thing I’ve ever planned. An unsupported, 142-mile ride means I need to be light and strong, much earlier in the season than I’ve ever been. My target weight for this ride is 158. I will do almost all my training for this ride on the road, since it is not an especially technical ride. My primary goal is to finish this race at all. My stretch goal is to finish it before midnight (21 hours).
  • Cascade Creampuff (June 26): Three laps, each about 33 miles long. Each lap, you climb for around 6000 feet. Then, just as your legs are about to give out from the climb, you get to go down 15 miles of twisty, technical singletrack. I’ve done this race once before; after one lap, I was completely cooked. It’s the only race I’ve ever given serious consideration to quitting. In fact, I did quit this race, several times. I just never said it at a place where it would be official. My target weight for this ride is 155. I will train for this ride both on the road and on trail. You can lose lots of time on this one by being a poor technician. My primary goal is to finish this in under 13 hours. My stretch goal is to finish it in under 12.
  • Leadville Trail 100 (August 12): This is the big one. This will be the tenth time I’ve done this race. I will be 40 years old. I would really, really, really like to finish in less than nine hours and get that big ol’ coveted belt buckle. My target weight for this ride is 150. I will train mostly on the road for this ride, focusing on sustained climbs.
  • Track (Weekly races throughout the season): My goal here is just to compete and get to a point where I don’t embarrass myself. Since I’ve never done this before, I have no idea what else I should shoot for.

How I Will Get There

Getting down to the weight — and getting the strength — I need to be competitive isn’t at all mysterious. I know how to do it. It’s just a matter of commitment.

  • Diet: I know what works for me. I go with a high-carb diet, but keep most of the carbs in the form of fruits and vegetables as possible. Apples, bananas, carrots, brown rice. And don’t eat after dinner.
  • Exercise: For now, I will just do base miles — keep up the bike commute, but go the long way (18 miles each way) instead of the short way (11 miles each way). Once there’s more light, I’ll be swapping in early-morning long efforts and hilly rides.

The Contest Will Be Back

I stopped doing the daily weigh-in and the weekly weight goal contest a few months ago. I believe I started putting weight on at exactly that moment. So that will be coming back, beginning February 1. I am giving myself until then to lose as much weight as possible in private, without the humiliation of the public daily weigh-in.

It is my fondest hope that I will be able to lose enough weight between now and then that nobody will be able to guess how much I actually have gained in the past few months.


The Banjo Brothers Bike Bag Giveaway Question

OK, so now you know what my biking goals are for 2006. An extremely cool Banjo Brothers biking duffel bag — it’s got special pockets for your helmet, your shoes, everything — goes to the commenter with the most intriguing / entertaining / honest / otherwise compelling 2006 goals and plan.

This contest will, by the way, go through Monday, January 1 — so you’ve got plenty of time to think about it.


PS: Happy new year!


  1. Comment by Zed | 12.29.2005 | 8:57 pm

    The following is subject to change without notice:The Teton Pass Hillclimb is on the schedge. You’d think 40 minutes of riding uphill would be easy, but this hillclimb will require me to be at my best shape. 140 pounds maximum. VO2 max (which I will check monthly in the spring) needs to be in the 60s. Bodyfat needs to be below 8 percent … How? You ask. Well, one of my training days each week needs to include either a hillclimb of 5 miles or more, or a time trial in excess of 20 miles (meaning about an hour). This one’s also probably going to require some weight training. I may also participate in the Pocatello time trial/criterium series on Saturdays (the serious race), but that will just serve as a gauge in preparation for this race.I plan on either the Burley or Rexburg Triathlons (Rexburg Rush) at sprint distance. I’m saving Olympic distance until I know how to swim. In preparation for that, I intend to swim with my wife (who just happens to be pregnant–there I just told the blogoverse) twice a week. I’ll also need to run and keep a running pace of a sub six-minute mile for at least two miles every week. So I’m thinking I can do a workout at 6 am–swim for a half hour, run for a half hour. I’m hoping this will also contribute to the aforementioned VO2 max goal.I’ve already committed to do a leg of the Lotoja race on a relay team. I’ve requested to do the 50 miles with the most climbing, so if I’m to accomplish my intended goal (less than 2 hours and a half hours) I need to have maintained my shape since the Pass climb. I intend to put in a half-century (or longer, depending on time availability, but a minimum half century) each Saturday. The hillclimb is at the end of July, the triathlon either at the beginning or end of August and Lotoja early in September. The real concern will be getting enough rest/recovery time in between races. Funny, I think our baby’s going to be due that time of year, too. Hence the subject to change clause.Let me summarize: twice a week running and swimming with a time trial or hillclimb in there somewhere, once a week half to full century. Sounds pretty simple to me.

  2. Comment by Zed | 12.29.2005 | 9:45 pm

    Oh, I neglected to mention that I’ll probably do the local Tuesday night ride which will add about 35-50 miles to my weekly mileage. You probably weren’t looking for that long a comment, but at least I’m thorough.

  3. Comment by Unknown | 12.29.2005 | 10:03 pm

    Some goals, in no particular order and not particularly well-thought out or related to biking or tri-ing, but all will somehow impact my training schedule one way or the other -1) Lose the holiday 5. Pronto. Begin the idea of eating right for better workouts.2) Race Lavaman, my first Olympic tri.3) Race Wildflower. My second Olympic tri.4) Prepare for 1/2 Ironman. See if I’m in any form for September races. If not, eat through another holiday and prepare for ‘07 races.5) Adopt our first child. Many, many paperwork subpoints under this one. Suffice is to say, work through mountain of paperwork and not let it detract me from preparing for other, bigger races.6) Have a "Bling Series" photogallery showing (see my site’s links for a lookie) or check out my flickr page- (take a look around, there’s many a more shot of blingage)7) Reestablish hope in Yoga (<a href="">here’s why I lost faith)</a> as part and parcel of a well-rounded triathlon training schedule.8) Oh, before the Olympics, I need to get a few Sprint tri’s under my belt. So add that. Somewhere closer to the top.9) Raise the rest of the $5k for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and funding for a cure for cancer.10) Pepper in a lot of 10ks and half-marathons for training. Which ones, undecided.11) Take my mountain bike down some crazy Santa Monica Mountain path to overcome my fear of downhills.That’s what most immediately comes to mind. I’ll come back if I can be any more specific.

  4. Comment by Loes | 12.29.2005 | 10:04 pm

    Well, I’m going to start riding competitions this season, I’ve got a license now. But I don’t have any goals.This year, I want to climb. As much as possible. I’ve only climbed once in my life (since I live in the Netherlands, and it’s nearly entirely flat here, going somewhere with hills takes over an hour by car), and I would like to climb some mountains. But I’m going to Spain in February (8 days training camp with my cycling club), so I’m going to climb for sure. I envy you for having mountains nearby.

  5. Comment by Unknown | 12.29.2005 | 10:28 pm

    two goals.The first is to do every race in the Minnesota mountain bike series. Including doing the citizen and sport races on the same day whenever my son is racing so I can ride with him and then ride at my own pace. The second is to bike over Loveland pass in Colorado when I head out there on vacation. This will be tough as I live in Minnesota where the high points are 1200 feet, not 12,000.I figure training with a plastic bag over my head is my only way I’ll make it to the top without passing out.

  6. Comment by Unknown | 12.29.2005 | 10:33 pm

    This year I am going to train to my strengths. In years past I have trained like others have suggested. Actually, I have never really trained. I hate intervals, I hate climbing, and I hate, well, effort. My inner voice tells me that it’s okay to hate those things. So here is the grand plan for 2006.I am going focus my training on bonking. I am so good at it naturally (check with Fatty on that as he seems to get some kind of odd satisfaction out of exploiting my misfortune in front of his blogging public) that I am thinking that I should actually work at honing my one true skill on the bike. I have some ideas. Bob Of "Bob’s Top Five" fame, and Fatty, were kind enough to share a tip or two with me in Moab this year. They told me to, "add panache to the moves. Throw your shoulders back and do it with flare." I followed their advice and it turns out that I liked it. And I have applied it to everything that I do now (my wife looks at me like I seven heads when I though, when I . Why not apply it to bonking? See, most guys when they bonk (me included, currently) get all pasty white, they babble incoherently, they stagger around and sometimes they vomit. I think changing the bonk into an artform–actually training to bonk with panache, with style, with dandy flare, will deepen my skill set, will heighten my confidence, and will really play to my strengths. This is gonna be the BEST year ever.

  7. Comment by STACEY | 12.29.2005 | 11:24 pm

    Lotoja.I am dumb. This is the only possibile way to explain my decision. Other than Lotoja, I have another goal. Pass the Utah Bar. Hopefully, I’ll be able to do both without forcing my wife to go crazy and/or divorce me. I guess that’s a third goal.I honestly have no idea how I will accomplish all of these things, as I hope/plan to continue to work as well. I suppose I’ll ride some. I’ll run some (as long as ny knees hold up). Maybe I’ll even spend some time in the gym across the street. Whatever I do, I have decided that finishing Lotoja will be my graduation present for myself.

  8. Comment by david | 12.30.2005 | 2:38 am

    Weight loss is a tough deal, I’m at 180 right now, would love to be 165.I’m 52, and 180 which is low for me. I was 216 when I was 40. I’d have to give up beer and bread.I ride, run, and walk, (by walk I mean 5 hilly road miles in 1 hour 3 minutes,) and spin, 5 or 6 times a week. Iv’e done 15,000 plus logged miles since 1996, and this doesn’t count spining classes, miles on the trainer and treadmill.It’s just a tough deal, but I plug away.DD

  9. Comment by Unknown | 12.30.2005 | 2:59 am

    In 2005, I finally managed to ride my bike to work. 15.5 miles each way with a relatively long climb up to the office. I had talked and thought about this for years, at least since I was 35 years old. This year, at age 50, I finally got up early, got on my bike and did it. In 2006, I intend to do it again. Occasionally. In 2005, I wore bike shorts for the first time. In 2006, I will wear them again.In 2006, I will take jazz guitar lessons. I have been saying this for years. I will even practice. In 2006, I will go to more concerts. Over the past couple of years, I passed on the chance to hear Julian Priester, Paul Rutherford and Walter Wierbos, none of whom anyone reading Fatty’s blog has ever heard. I will not let these opportunities slip by this year. I will lose weight and gain some back.I will get my sons on their bikes and together we will ride the 9 miles along the dyke to the burger joint up by the highway. And I will have a milkshake, maybe one all to myself. Chocolate.I will do the Sun Run 10 k run again. This will be my 5th or 6th time. I will undoubtedly have to stop and stand in line in order to pee and therefore will finish in less than 80 minutes. I will once again resolve not to hit Starbucks prior to the run.I will want to buy a road bike. And will not.I will talk about going on a long bike trip utilizing the BC and Washington State ferry systems to get to the San Juan Islands which are as close to paradise as anyone is likely to get without a religious conversion. And will go on holidays with my family, instead.I will turn 51.This year, I hope no one in our extended family dies or goes into hospital. This will be a massive improvement over 2005.

  10. Comment by Unknown | 12.30.2005 | 3:48 am

    My goals are: 1) Losing about 45 more pounds (30 gone since last July, so it could happen) and taking up Cat V roadracing; including the local mid-week Crit series; finding a velo club to race with that doesn’t have a totally foul attitude; and not totally embarassing myself for the entire season. (The RR’s shouldn’t be bad, the crits will be very tough… just as dogs loooove trucks, big guys haaaate crits).2) Since Rocky was too gutless to mention it, I plan on beating him in our B5 Competition, the Big Bulky Biker Bodyfat Biathlon, which combines a weight loss challenge, with a time trial challenge. It’s an assymetric challenge since he is much skinnier to start with and doesn’t like to train, I do like to train but I’m a moron, and Venus is on the Cusp of Uranus – so we worked out a formula involving percentage of weight loss goal reached plus percentage improvement in a short time trial. Rocky has promised to buy me some new bib shorts and Assos Chamois Butt’r after I get done kicking his butt. If he can get to the bike shop without bonking. Which may have something to do with his hatred of winter training. Just saying. 3) Completing a 200k brevet, and maybe the 300k and 400k brevet rides, each longer ride contingent on how the first goes. The rules for a brevet ride are (a) self supported; (b) a time limit; and (c) 5,000 feet climbing per 100 miles ridden. I’ve been told that Randoneur means "super tourist" in French, but after looking at the routes and the mileage and time limits, I’m convinced it actually means "idiot on a bicycle," so I’m clearly qualified and will go for it. The local Randoneering club has weekly training rides… of 100 miles. With optional loops if that ain’t enough for you. Nice. That should help take some weight off. If I don’t die.4) Getting out with my wife on a couple gentle group rides per month with the bike club I ride with. Infecting her, if possible, with the manic drive to go faster, or at least to make her motivated to make me go faster. Getting her into the riding social circle, at which point she’ll be hooked. Figuring out what to do with the toddler for three hours a couple times a month. Does Banjo Bros make a Baby Bandolier?5) Completing the epic hill climbing Ellicott City, MD, spoke ride – a 35 mile training ride I do encompassing about a dozen nasty hills, including some 20%+ grades, a couple miles at 18% *average* grade, and other acts of senseless brutality, in under 2.5 hours. Right now, it’s a three hour grind, I save the effort for the climbs, some of which are nasty enough that the rear wheel spins if the roads are even slightly wet. The goal is to hammer on the relatively flat parts between the hill climbs and on the rollers between the hills, cutting the usual time by a half hour and getting me to Ellicott City’s superb coffee & pastry shops, or alternately the nice brewpub, much faster. 6) Cheering Fatty’s very funny story about how Rocky bonked so badly on Kokopeli, that it left a nuke testing crater-like hole; how Fatty came in just after midnight and vowed never to ride the event ever again, at least not until 2007; and how food-hunting bears killed a guy just to get at one of Fatty’s Patented Best Cakes in The World, which the guy foolishly stored in his Banjo Bros panniers. The panniers of course, being both rugged and attractive (I can attest to this) survived the bear attack, allowing Fatty to loot the bags and eat the cake, which in turn caused his disqualification on the finish line, to score an official "DNF". Writing from his jail cell, Fatty then hilariously explains how he unthinkingly repeated Coppi’s famous request, "somebody hand me a gun so I can shoot this man!," and why this is a bad thing to do while in a state that has lax gun laws, but strict sherrifs.

  11. Comment by Andrew | 12.30.2005 | 2:21 pm

    I have two biking goals: 1) successfully complete a MTB race. 2) pull a century.Both will involve subjecting myself to abject humiliation. My speed is somewhere between glacial and catatonic, which will place me dead last in any race I get myself into.I can’t afford a road bike, so I will pull the century on my Gary Fisher Wahoo with slick tires on them. I will have to listen to roadies call my bike a "hybrid". It will get ugly. But I will prevail.

  12. Comment by Tom Stormcrowe | 12.30.2005 | 3:22 pm

    My three major goals this upcoming year……Shakedown ride over spring break, staying here in Indiana for this one, Lafayette to Lake Wawasee and back. 256 miles round trip.Over Summer Break:Lafayette, IN to Key West, FL by bike, I’ll ship the bike home then and FLY back or take the train!Fall:Huntington County 140 as well as fall NORBA events like the DINO series races2007: BIG PLANS! Continental Divide trail! as well as a noncompetition run on Kokopelli, unless I’m feeling really good and then I just might try to race it! Hell, I have 18 mos to train, right? Almost, that is!Elden, I DQ myself from the bag giveaway as Eric at Banjo is sending me something to field test! Look for a product review as soon as I get what he’s sending me and try it out!

  13. Comment by Unknown | 12.30.2005 | 3:59 pm

    I will be doing Harlech Triathlon in May. 400m swim 38K bike 6k run. Bath Tri in July 750m swim, 20k bike 5k run. Then something in August and September, possibly Chester Olympic Tri and or Helvelyn.My actual goal for the year is to not die of heart attack in any of these races. Given my previous ability to stick to a training regime, a heart attack is a distinct possibility.Tim

  14. Comment by Kelly | 12.30.2005 | 4:22 pm

    While my 2006 goals are a carryover from the 2005 ones, I will simply push myself further this year. Last year my goal was to GET a bike (and drop some weight, of which 25 pounds are gone) since I totaled the first one. Since the first one included me looking like a circus freak flipping ass-over-end in front of my daughter (whom I was racing at the time) I endeavor adding more scars to my body with my new bike. The first crash gave me an awesome shark-bite look on my right elbow. The problem with that is that when I want to look ‘cool’ I have to roll up my sleeves to show it off. THIS year I’m going to ride a 100-mile trail with my trainer/friend and try my damndest to let people know that I AM A CYCLIST with some scars readily visible to people at work. I’m thinking a little chin scar or anything were fibrous connective tissue has developed on a prominent place on my body. I do want to keep my teeth, though. Gotta have all my teeth.Kelly

  15. Comment by Kelly | 12.30.2005 | 4:23 pm

    Oh, hey Fatty? I need the bike to carry all my band-aids and Neosporin. Does that put me over the top?

  16. Comment by uncadan8 | 12.30.2005 | 4:24 pm

    Ah, goals! That evil necessity born out of a desire to actually accomplish something with one’s life. Well, I have a few desires and, therefore, must make some goals. I just turned thirty this year and am exceedingly disgusted with my excuses for getting profoundly fat. I have decided to get into body-builder-esque condition by the end of spring (whatever that date may be — May something, I think). I estimate a goal weight of 200 to 210 pounds. I am currently 285 at 5′11”. At the beginning of November I was 305 or more. No pictures need to be attached at this point since I am sure the mental image will suffice. I will accomplish this goal while continuing a degree in political science, working two jobs, and training for my first road race or century(Goal #2), which I have not picked out yet. Goal #2 will help me prepare for Goal #3 which is to ride both days of the MS 150 in September without crying. I also want to average at least 17 miles an hour for that ride. I averaged 15 this year, but only did one day. I knew that I would be crying if I did day two.

  17. Comment by Unknown | 12.30.2005 | 4:34 pm

    My 2006 riding goals are centered entirely around a single ride – The 2006 Pan Mass Challenge which will take place in August. I will be riding the two day ride which totals 192 miles from Sturbridge to Provincetown. The reason for targeting this ride is two-fold. First, it is superbly organized and significantly difficult for a rider of my limited experience (1 year cycling, 62 mile max ride thus far). Second, the Pan Mass Challenge is one of the most successful charitable event in the world, with fundraising going to the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Greater than 90% of the funds raised go to the charity and to date, the ride has raised over $145 million dollars for cancer research. My connection to cancer is a lot like most peoples’, I imagine. My mother has successfully battled colon cancer for the past two years. I lost my Grandfather to colon cancer 13 years ago at the age of 12, and have also lost uncles, aunts, and friends to the disease.The ride is going to be the greatest physical commitment of my life. As if that wasn’t enough, it will also carry a great financial commitment. From the moment I register on January 17th, I will be on the hook for fundraising of at least $3,300. If I come up short, my credit card is charged.Yeah, I’ve got my work cut out for me.

  18. Comment by Unknown | 12.30.2005 | 4:40 pm

    I am going to:0. Eliminate the "I coulda been a contenda" mentality from my mindset, ’cause I couldn’ta.1. Ride one of my bikes everyday.2. Have fun riding one of my bikes everyday.3. Smile whilst having fun riding one of my bikes everyday.4. Ride as much as I can as I am having fun riding one of my bikes everyday. 5. Climb a lot, smiling.6. Not gnash my teeth and obsess over not getting enough riding time in as I have done in years past–relax (see 0.).7. Gladly relieve Al Maviva of $110 worth of riding gear as I abuse him in our little B5 wager.8. Smile while I take his money, because that is fun.9. Remember that riding bikes is for fun.10. This until someone starts paying me to ride one of THEIR bikes everyday (sponsorship).10. As stated before, bonk with dandy panache.Seriously.

  19. Comment by Zed | 12.30.2005 | 5:48 pm

    Don’t listen to them, Rock. You coulda been a contenda’

  20. Comment by Sue | 12.30.2005 | 6:27 pm

    A quick review on the Banjo Brothers "Duffel" bag.Since the 6th grade, I have been anti-duffel bag. I am now a believer. Banjo Bro’s have converted me.In the past I have carried all my riding gear in a big green top loading Army surplus bag. The problem with that system is that it is inconvenient to get out specific items. Unless the desired item is in the very top, one has to basically dump out the whole bag to get to one’s shoes, for example. This is especially a problem when going on a trip, where you need several changes of bike clothes.The Banjo Brothers "Don’t Call It a Duffel" Bag has tons of pockets and room, in fact, there are pockets on all foru sides of the bag. On one end of the rectangular bag there’s what I’m calling a shoe pocket, with a grommet in the bottom that allows dirt/sand/water to drain out of the bag. On the other end there is another pocket and inside this is another pocket that is like a sleeve that goes into the main compartment of the bag. This is brilliant stuff.There is a zippered key/wallet/etc. pocket on the third side, and on the fourth side, a pocket with a little velcro.Anyway, call me a born-again "Duffel Like Bag" user. I can fit everything in the bag I need for several days of riding, AND I can find specific items at will!Thanks Fatty, Dug, and Banjo Brothers.BotchedP.S. Don’t call it a duffel.

  21. Comment by Nick | 12.30.2005 | 6:34 pm

    Fatty, i am disappointed. Surely you want to fly up those hills in Ramrod, although perhaps it is just part of your training regimen for Leadville. STP? – 10 hrs i think.I am shooting for 9hrs for RAMROD.I want to learn to ride technical single track.I am planning to finish Leadville (my first MTB effort)I am selling my car so i have to ride to work.I will do a 1/2 ironmanI may ride track.I will lose 10kg (get down to 175 lbs)I will use the selling of the car to justify (a) Track bike (b) New sexy road bike.I will keep my commitment to a lunchtime ride every Thursday.See you on the road.

  22. Comment by Sue | 12.30.2005 | 6:39 pm

    I forgot to mention the one negative about the bag. Although the bag is well made, the material (cordoura ?) it is made out of is a little thin. However, I was assuming this bag must cost around 100 bucks. Looking at Banjo Bro’s web-site I was suprised to see that all their bags are quite inexpensive. So in that light, I’d say the construction of the bag is right on.Botched

  23. Comment by Unknown | 12.30.2005 | 7:01 pm

    crimson comet’s 2006 goals…1 – Remember not to use my thumb as a chain tensioner on my fixie. it hurts like hell….2 – Race a few road, crit, track, off-road, and cyclo-cross races. no less than 60…. 3 – Compete in the 24 hour national championships…. single speed…. solo….4 – Earn Category 2 upgrades on track and road….5 – Official Mechanic for junior national team rider Matt Brandt. Helps a lil bit that he’s my . brother, and doesnt know how to work on a bike… So those are my 2006 goals. They should keep me busy from first races in February, all the way to the last race in December.pce,crimson comet

  24. Comment by Jill | 12.30.2005 | 9:00 pm

    Every time I set out on two wheels, I will ride with the same raw amazement I felt the first time I crawled on a borrowed 1980’s Cannondale and bounced down the Gem Trail in St. George … gulping for air, terrified by speed, and left with an unflagging desire at the end of the loop to turn around and do it again.

  25. Comment by Unknown | 12.30.2005 | 9:32 pm

    Fatty, You confuse me, as you know you so easily do. Your list means that you are either out of RAWROD or are taking back to back mega bike weekends. Also, I read your list and then re-read it and cant seem to find any reference to an already committed race. The 24 hours of Moab solo with ME.

  26. Comment by Adam | 12.30.2005 | 9:48 pm

    Well this year sucked — too much stress about the kid, the job, etc. I didn’t ride as much as i had the previous six months when biking was new and i let it become a bit of a chore.This year I’m going to start commuting again on a regular basis. I’m going to seek out enough hills that i’ll stop being intimidated by them. I’m going to ride the bike i’m comfortable with on the terrain and surface of my choosing. I will learn to ride in an arbitrary direction rather than repeating the same dull routes again and again. I will learn to explore by bike rather than visit places i’ve already been. I will do a few organized rides for the *SCENERY*.I will try to leave the stresses of the kid and job on the roads and trails between them.

  27. Comment by Unknown | 12.30.2005 | 9:54 pm

    I raced on the road quite a lot until mentally burning out 20 years ago. My goal is to race again with a top 3 finish in at least one of the Mt. Tabor series in Portland (Cat 4/5). Of course, I am sure I will have to race much more than one race of the series to place in the top 3. This would be easier if I didn’t have a 2 year old and a 3 month old son. By the way, Fatty, you have competition in the cycling satire business. Check out Velonews’ answer to the Fat Cyclist: You are much funnier.Have a safe and happy new year,Chris

  28. Comment by UltraRob | 12.30.2005 | 11:56 pm

    My goal is to lose 20 pounds by June 11th. Why June 11th? That’s the day that solo Race Across America starts and I’ve already signed up. Of course that means I need to do a bit of training between now and then. The beginning of February, I’ll do a 4 day hut trip which is an annual thing for me and often the only time I’m on skiis and some of the guys I go with ski 100 days a year. March I’m planning to go to Texas Hellweek and ride the longest ride each day as long as my coach agrees that alright. That should give me a little over 1,000 miles in 8 days. I’ll also try to do a couple of the Rocky Mountain Cycling Clubs brevets. I’ll at least try getting in the 200k and 300k rides.If I finish RAAM, I will be satisfied with my cycling accomplishments for the year. If I’m not totally dead after RAAM, I may do the Durango 100 again or some other epic Colorado rides.

  29. Comment by Unknown | 12.31.2005 | 5:21 am

    I am committed to do the Death Ride this year. am also committed to finding a way to attach my daughters buggy to my Pinarello with little to no long term damage to the carbon…It is going to be a long year.

  30. Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 12.31.2005 | 2:44 pm

    I started composing my response to this post/competition and it got out of hand. When the word count topped 1000 I decided it was no longer a comment, but rather an indepenent blog entry. And new years resolution. And mission statement. All rolled into one.I would happily have you judge my "New Years Revolution" entry against your commenters for this entry. If not, I am glad of the inspiration and focus your contest has given me.Happy New Year.

  31. Comment by tayfuryagci | 12.31.2005 | 4:35 pm

    My goals for this year… Well I have quite a few. But the most important one is to race the only MTB marathon in my country. It’s at one of the Aegean Islands, at a wonderful place on a very scenic 17 km course. The U-23 category I’ll race next year goes around the course for 4 laps. Well that’s what I want to be able to do. To finish that race without being lapped I must: Lose 30 pounds, train thrice as much as I’m training right now and compete at at least half of all the XC races.

  32. Comment by Kenny | 12.31.2005 | 7:15 pm

    Fatty,I will be joining you at all three events that you’ve mentioned, but like brad k said, you’ve seemed to have left off some key rides.(rawrod2006 and 24hoursdeMoab)

  33. Comment by Unknown | 12.31.2005 | 7:44 pm

    As a cyclist who is waaaay fatter than you I can definitely empathize with your stories on how to diet and remain fat and the others. My main goals for 2006 are:1. Ride a century for the first time before August.2. Learn to ride my rollers without crashing.3. Lose enough weight to be taken seriously as a cyclist.The last one is important to me because I’m tired of being treated like the outcast on group rides(even though I’m a stronger rider than most of them) or whispered about by other cyclists. I actually had someone ask me if I was along on Bicyle Idaho to "support my husband". This was after over 80 miles on the bike, and I sure didn’t get that sweaty and tired by following after him in my air conditioned RV!Happy New Year!

  34. Comment by Nanget | 12.31.2005 | 10:24 pm

    My 2006 goals all lead to one race. The Grafton to Inverell, 220km of racing goodness. To do this i 1)need to train2)not get sick3)do some long lead up races 4)not crash. I set out to do 130km today and a labrador ran on the road on a descent. Alas i didnt see the dog until i had already hit it and was lying on the road with bike on top of me.Now i am at home getting patched up, nothing broken i think.It only took 7 hours to break one of the 2006 objectives. I should give up now.

  35. Comment by Bryn | 01.1.2006 | 5:07 am

    Long time no speak fatty, sorry about that. I know how much of a dick i must have seemed when 2 days after i state to make it my mission to comment on all of your posts, i mover house and fail dismally to accomplish what i set out to achieve. The reason im still not writing anything is simply because the great tradesmen that put in my security system and phone lines at my new house screwed up BAD! Therefore for the month or so ive lived in my house i haven’t been able to use the internet in any way simply because we cant get it yet. So today on New Years Day i sit at my girlfriends computer typing this here comment. Now after reading your BIG AIR! post, full well knowing the banjo brothers comp is over, i thought of an idea. Last night as it was New Years Eve, i had a go at firetwirling, u know the sticks they light the ends on fire and spin around. Well, what would happen if on one ride, u were forced to stop for some reason or another and found yourself extremely bored, i know it wouldn’t happen but just imagine it could. U pull out a can of Big Air! and a firestick wierdly strapped somehow onto your frame and in an effort to entertain your friends u light the Propane gas on the stick and start firtwirling. Now fatty, thats one way to get yourself invited on the next ride. Well, i must say i have missed reading your hilarious posts and thoughts Fatty and do look forward to returning to commenting as much as possible when someone sorts out my internet. Happy New Year Fatty and all his devoted readers! BiKnBrYn – est 1989

  36. Comment by Unknown | 01.1.2006 | 5:37 am

    hey fatty, thought I would de-lurk and wish you a happy healthy new yearmy goal for next year is to actually get back on a bike.anticipated path:1. start running2. get one or more of the wonderful overuse injuries I always get while running3. get frustrated, run more4. get more injured, to the point where I can barely walk5. throw sneakers in closet while cursing6. excavate bike from underneath whatever has been piled onto it7. go for a

  37. Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 01.1.2006 | 6:58 am

    Nanget – it’s a shame that you would put in all that hard work and then quit the Grafton-Inverell 8km from the finish. That sucker is a full 228km. All uphill. And most years all into a headwind. I’ll be thinkin’ of ya while I’m spinning around my nice smooth, dry, sheltered velodrome.

  38. Comment by Nanget | 01.1.2006 | 9:22 pm

    BIG Mike – Thanks for reminding me. I think about halfway up the big climb i am sure i will be thinking why i am not spinning around a nice, dry, sheltered velodrome.

  39. Comment by Unknown | 01.1.2006 | 10:17 pm

    1) Finish the Endurance 100.To make goal 1 easier there are other optional goals, such as, completely change the way I eat, sleep, work, and train.I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty certain I’m going to meet and beat those goals and 2006 is going to be the BEST YEAR EVER!Botched

  40. Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 01.1.2006 | 10:47 pm

    Botched – You’re talking like you’re still drunk from last night.

  41. Comment by Chris | 01.2.2006 | 1:54 am

    I have some goals:1) Generally ride my bike whenever possible, keep improving the shape that I am in. 2) Flying wheels 100 mile ride3) Last year I did STP for the first time. This year I want to ride STP in 1 day. However, my wife will be riding STP for the first time this year so I will do it again in 2 days and my goal is to have a blast riding with her. STP in 1 day will have to wait until 20074) I am still fairly new to cycling so I don’t think I am ready to ride RAMROD this year, so I have a two part goal. a) give back to the sport by supporting RAMROD this year as a volunteer. b) Ride RAMROD and complete it (no time pressures) in 20075) Beat Elden to the top of the Zoo ride this year. (I know last fall’s Zoo Ride was the first in an annual event now.)6) One or two more 100 to 200 mile one or two day rides in this area (Northern California to Washington). Anyone know of any good rides out there. Chris

  42. Comment by Big Guy on a Bicycle | 01.2.2006 | 3:43 am

    My goals:1. Ride at least 2,500 miles this year. I got just over 2,100 this year, and that was missing out on October and November due to injury. 2,500 should be easily achievable.2. No injuries. OK, this is a little harder to control, but I know I just need to reel it in a little. I am 40 now after all, and I don’t bounce as well as I used to.3. Ride at least one unsupported long-weekend tour. I did my first one this year with a buddy of mine. We rode over 200 miles in three days, staying in hotels overnight.4. Ride at least one unsupported tour without the hotel stays. This means including camping gear, but I still think it’s very do-able.5. Race in all four local cyclocross races. I rode one in 2004 and got the taste for it. Last year there were five local races, but I only did every other one (sick for one, out of town for the other).6. Ride in at least three century events. I typically do two each year, so adding a third shouldn’t be too much of a problem.7. Raise a bunch of charity money by riding. I have averaged $4,000 each year for the last four. I’ll shoot for that again.8. Ride at least 250 miles with my wife on the tandem. Last year we didn’t even get 100 miles, but our rides averaged only 12 miles each (she’s not used to the saddle time yet). This will be harder, but I will certainly try.9. Race in my first mountain bike race. I was supposed to do that this last October, but injury knocked me out of it. I’ll try to do the local NORBA race in June, but if not, there’s still the 12-hour race in October.10. Get more involved with the local Cycling Advocacy group. I’ve been to a few meetings in the past, but I really haven’t stepped off of the sidelines yet. It’s time I did.Prime Goal Overriding All Others: Lose weight.

  43. Comment by Unknown | 01.2.2006 | 4:25 am

    Woo hoo, another contest! Ok, you asked for "entertaining, honest or otherwise compelling goals" – so here we go:1. Between Jan 1-April 8 = lose 7 lbs (according to Tanita) (this is my sorta boring goal).2. Complete Ironman Arizona on April 9 – within the 17 hour cutoff time. 3. Complete IM AZ on April 9 – WITHOUT CRAWLING any part of the way.3. Complete IM AZ on April 9 – WITHOUT the need of any outside medical assistance – before the finish line. (med assist after the finish line is all good!)4. Complete IM AZ on April 9 – WITHOUT PUKING – on myself. Puking on others could be fine with me (but probably not with them).5. Convince all the stars in the universe to align so that I DO NOT NOT NOT HAVE MY MENSTRUAL CYCLE on April 9.6. Convince my work managers that between Jan 2- April 8, my work schedule should be COMPLETELY FLEXIBLE around my Ironman training.7. Figure out all the features of my CompuTrainer that I currently don’t know how to use.8. Fall in love.9. And finally, convince the Fat Cyclist that we triathletes deserve equal respect as "regular" cyclists…

  44. Comment by Unknown | 01.2.2006 | 4:25 am

    Woo hoo, another contest! Ok, you asked for "entertaining, honest or otherwise compelling goals" – so here we go:1. Between Jan 1-April 8 = lose 7 lbs (according to Tanita) (this is my sorta boring goal).2. Complete Ironman Arizona on April 9 – within the 17 hour cutoff time. 3. Complete IM AZ on April 9 – WITHOUT CRAWLING any part of the way.3. Complete IM AZ on April 9 – WITHOUT the need of any outside medical assistance – before the finish line. (med assist after the finish line is all good!)4. Complete IM AZ on April 9 – WITHOUT PUKING – on myself. Puking on others could be fine with me (but probably not with them).5. Convince all the stars in the universe to align so that I DO NOT NOT NOT HAVE MY MENSTRUAL CYCLE on April 9.6. Convince my work managers that between Jan 2- April 8, my work schedule should be COMPLETELY FLEXIBLE around my Ironman training.7. Figure out all the features of my CompuTrainer that I currently don’t know how to use.8. Fall in love.9. And finally, convince the Fat Cyclist that we triathletes deserve equal respect as "regular" cyclists…

  45. Comment by Lindsey | 01.2.2006 | 7:00 am

    My daughter Amelia was born 8 weeks ago, which at first blush makes any biking-related resolutions fade into obscurity. But then I think about the kind of role model I want to be for my daughter as she grows up, and being a dad who can find time to go out and ride a bicycle around doesn’t seem so bad.So no big races this year; I’m still unsure what travel’s gonna be like. But I’m gonna race every Wednesday and Friday at the track, and every Thursday at Seward Park, and Lindsey and Amelia will be there (via bike & trailer) to watch. Bike racing puts me in a better mood than almost anything else, and I can’t wait to be tired and sweaty and elated and go home with my beautiful daughter and beautiful wife.

  46. Comment by tayfuryagci | 01.2.2006 | 10:32 am

    tri-athletes are a bunch of REALLY over-trained people who just couldn’t decide which sport they want to do. swimming? running? cycling? and they said: "hell, we’ll do all of them and usually better than people doing just one of them" :)

  47. Comment by Kelly | 01.2.2006 | 5:14 pm

    I hereby withdraw my entry for the duffel bag. While I would like it and give it a good home, I must say that my New Year has all the yummy goodness of … ummm… things that are yummy and good because you commented on my site. Is blogasm the correct word here? I shall check with MuMo.I’ve had all the boob comments I can handle and they keep getting funnier, but I’m glad you joined in anyway. Thanks. Made my day, Fatty. Truly.Happy New Year!Kellyp.s. You really are ok with us calling you ‘Fatty’? I feel weird when I do it. That reminds me of my cousin Boochie. Sounds funny when I say it, then I remember his real name: Grover. After the president. Middle name is Cleveland. Boochie sounds pretty good now, huh?

  48. Comment by Unknown | 01.2.2006 | 6:22 pm

    Tayfur, as someone who has completed 8 sprint distance triathlons, I can confidently say that I am the exception that proves your rule.

  49. Comment by Yokota Fritz | 01.2.2006 | 6:30 pm

    We need to have a mashed potato cook-off, because I’m also known to make the best mashed potatoes on the planet. People rave about my burgers, too. I’m not a dessert man — that’s girly stuff — so I’ll leave the cream pies to you.Happy New Year Fatty. Thanks for the enjoyable reading over this past year.

  50. Comment by TIMOTHY | 01.2.2006 | 11:00 pm

    My wife and I just found out the week before Christmas that she is pregnant with our first child. She is also in the Air Force and we are scheduled to move a mere couple months before she is due in August. This knowlege, as you can imagine, seriously changed my goals for 2006…Goal #1: Upgrade the fork and rear shock on my mountain bike. Chances are I won’t be in the market to purchase a new bike for quite a while (do you think that in 20 years my 2002 Enduro will be considered "classic" or "retro-cool"?). I figure I better do this while I can. Christmas and my birthday are only a few weeks apart, I will ask for cash…Goal #2: Find a place to live and a job in a new city. Luckily much of this can be done on the internet, while working at my current job. And I mean literally "while working at my current job."Goal #3: Prepare for having a pregnant wife in the summer and a new baby. My plan here is to randomly bang my head against a wall or other hard object – during the night I will sleep no more than 2 hours at time, in between which I will attempt to negotiate obstacle courses and do long division. Any other advice in this area from those with experience?Goal #4: Try to find times to ride my bike and race without seeming selfish. Before my wife was pregnant this was easy – she’s a competitive runner and understood when I needed to train or had a race. While she’s still running, she won’t be doing as much so this is going to be more challenging. I’m going to train as hard as I can, whenever I can. We have a local road race in May that I would like to do well at, and I hope to do the 24 Hours of Rapelje here in Montana again before we move. Other than that my racing plans are extremely flexible since I don’t know when we’re moving, what my work schedule will be, etc., etc.

  51. Comment by Unknown | 01.3.2006 | 1:48 am

    My GoalsTo get there a bit faster, particularly if there is up a hillTo convince one daily communter to buy panniers and regularly go grociery or other shopping To convince one recreational rider to commuteTo stop laughing at well appointed, recreational cyclistsTo either learn how to true a wheel or stop tryingUltimately, to continue to insist that while no one can ride everywhere, everyone can ride somewhereyrs in the holiday spiritalas

  52. Comment by david | 01.4.2006 | 3:32 am

    Sometime back about 9 or 10 years ago, I was feeling rotten, so I went to see a physician. I had a real appointment, something I’d never done before. I was 212, cholesterol over 300, triglycerides like 200, LDL high, HDL low, B/P 190/96, resting pulse 87, 1 + protein in my urine. I was smoking and a big fat mess. I’m 52 now so I must have been 40 something.The physician raised hell, threatened to put me in the hospital, and scared the shit out of me. I gave him my smokes, and I’ve never had another. I started compulsively walking, and walking when I was wanting a smoke. Then I walked some more, pretty soon I was up to 5 miles a day, sometimes 8 or 10 on weekends. I was getting further and further from the house, out walking the country roads, out walking in the strip pits, out road walking in the State Parks.Sometime in ‘97 or ‘98, while out walking on a dirt road in the strip pits with a friend, I had a moment of clarity, "You know what? I think a guy could ride one of them fancy mountain bikes out here!" So I went and bought one, and it was true! I could ride one of them fancy mountain bikes out there, and on roads, and everywhere else.The day I stopped smoking, I also changed my diet; no meat, no cheese, very low fat, I drank skim milk, ate egg whites, beans, fruit and veggy’s, high carb, low fat vegetarian, light beer, lots of exercise.Well, it worked, my weight dropped to 176. The Dr. started me on statins, and B/P medicine, now my cholesterol is like 130, triglycerides are under 100, ratios are good. B/P 118/72, resting pulse 61.I now weigh 183, which seems to be where I stay if I’m not careful. I went vegetarian for a couple of years, but I fell down one day and broke a couple of ribs. I couldn’t get them healed up, and I was miserable for weeks, then when I finally got then half healed up, I took a big header on my bike, and re-broke them. I started eating some meat, and they healed right up.I also tried to give up the statins, I quit them for 3 months, and didn’t eat a bite of cholesterol containing food, but my numbers jumped right back up to 210, so I’m back on the statins (Lipitor and Zetia.)I’ve maintaind a detailed training log since November of 1998, and have logged over 15,000 miles walking, hiking, and biking. This does not include hours and hours spent on trainers, treadmills, and Spinning bikes.Now I’m 183, I went out and rode 34 hilly road miles yesterday in the cold and the wind all by myself in 2.5 hours, after having not been on the bike outside since 11/04/05, I only unclipped once, at the high point of the ride, to put on a rain jacket, I was kinda gassed the last 2 miles, but that was uphill and into the wind, and I was cold and hungry.I eat whatever I please, (although I’m pleased to not eat fast food except for Subway,) and drink regular beer. Now here’s the deal, I want to drop off about 20 or 30 more pounds. I got the beer belly. I don’t need it, and it’s slowing me down on the bike. I’m only like 5′7”, and all my extra weight is in my belly, I got no butt, (according to Carol and the girls,) my waist is 34," so all my fat is a spare tire.I am addicted to potato chips. If there was no such thing as chips, I’d weight about 100 pounds. I don’t eat real potato chips, and still have a problem.I went to the library Friday, and got The Zone diet book, and The South Beach diet book. I know I need to make changes relative to carbs and bread and beer.But’s heres the thing, when I go on vacation, I lose weight. Me and my buddy went to Quebec in August for a week of riding. I ate like a pig, whatever I wanted, stuff I usually don’t eat, bacon, eggs, pizza, (or what they call pizza in Quebec,) hot dogs, (the staple food in Quebec campgrounds,) potaine (greasy French fries with cheese curds and gravy,) bread, and we swilled beer. I lost 4 pounds. Now it’s true we were riding, but my buddy is not exactly in the best shape, and I train everyday harder than we rode there. But we camped, and I didn’t snack, and didn’t eat at night.So here is my plan;1. Go on the two week, South Beach, Phase 1, carb clear-out/sugar withdrawal/cold turkey. I’m sure that’s good for 10 pounds, I’ll probably burn off that much having seizures and running around pulling my hair out.2. I know I can’t give up bread forever, I don’t want to, and I won’t, but I can restrict it, (I’ll eat only good real whole wheat bread,) I can give up potatoes and rice, if I have to have some pasta I can eat whole wheat pasta. I can have 5 bread servings a week.3. Snacking is banned, that include the very problematic tasting the food on the tray line at the facility.4. No food after 6pm. By this I mean, no food after 6pm. This means I will not eat after 6 pm, food, I’m giving up eating after 6pm, so if I want to eat something, it better be before 6pm, or I’m SOL.5. Beer, I don’t think I want to live without beer, but I can restrict it to week-ends. I will switch to red wine, 2 glass limit during the week, after the two week plan.6. I’m going to go back to a limited weight lifting program, but no more than 1/2 hour a day, if I put too much time into weight training, I slack on my aerobics, which is more important to me.Sorry for this long blog post, but I got no blog. I wanted to get it down to make it real.


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