Advice for Sponsors of Professional Bike Teams

03.30.2006 | 6:17 pm

Professional road cycling teams owe their very existence to their sponsoring companies. Consider: what would Team Discovery Channel be without the Discovery Channel? What would Team T-Mobile be without T-Mobile? What would Team CSC be without CSC?

Broke and nameless, that’s what they’d be.

Sadly, however, most sponsoring companies take what is a golden marketing opportunity and squander it, doing only the most pedestrian things imaginable with their branding: put the company name on the jersey, name the team after the company, paint the bike in the company colors.

Ho hum.

As a highly respected, extremely authoritative expert on both biking and marketing, I hereby offer the following advice to the companies sponsoring professional cycling teams in order to get more bang for their buck.


Team Discovery Channel

Let’s go with the easy one first. One way in which Discovery Channel could profit from their sponsorship of Team Discovery Channel would be to show Team Discovery Channel on the Discovery Channel. For example, if Team Discovery Channel were to participate in a race, the Discovery Channel could televise that race. Furthermore, they could theoretically have a show demonstrating how a professional team trains together and builds a strategy for winning a race. I know this is a crazy idea, but think about it: it’d be like reality TV, except it would actually be about reality!

Or they could just keep showing Crocodile Hunter reruns five krazillion times per day. I know I never get sick of that show.


Team T-Mobile

Team T-Mobile should take advantage of their technology connection. You know how cyclists always have headsets they use to stay in touch with the team director? Team T-Mobile should ditch those wired, clunky pieces of junk in favor of Bluetooth headsets and mobile phones. And then T-Mobile should have auctions / raffles / contests wherein the winner gets to call Jan for two minutes during a Tour stage. I know exactly what I’d say: “Dude! I totally don’t speak German!”


Team CSC

CSC could better benefit from its sponsorship of Team CSC by making it possible to tell what they actually do. Seriously, until just this moment I really had no idea what CSC does. A quick Google search (I am now unemployed and so no longer feel guilt about using Google) reveals they are a Consulting, Services Integration, and Outsourcing company. Which helps a lot, because now I … really have no idea what they do.

Perhaps that’s what the cyclists on Team CSC could do: be plain-English ambassadors for CSC. The next time Ivan Basso wins a Tour stage, for example, he could say, “I’d like to thank my sponsor, CSC, which basically helps large companies solve their IT challenges, among other things.”

And then he could explain why they’re a Danish team, what with the company being based in El Segundo, California and all.



Liquigas-Bianchi should pour all their marketing dollars into one simple objective: paying Phil Liggett whatever it takes to get him to stop pronouncing “Liquigas” as “Leaky Gas.” In truth, I do not know whether that’s the correct pronunciation. If it is, they may want to spend a little extra money on changing their name.

Quick aside: Was I the only one who loved the Bianchi jerseys when they first picked up the Coast team? Simple, golden-era design, clean and bold, no clutter whatsoever. I wish I had one of those jerseys.


Illes Balears-Caisse d’Epargne

I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do for you until you shorten your name.


Other Ideas

This was just a small sample of how Pro Tour sponsors could leverage their team relationships. What a sponsoring company really needs, though, is to sponsor a blogger to follow a team around for the Tour de France, writing all about their team’s efforts and successes in an off-the-cuff, irreverent manner that doesn’t come across as more marketing hype.

Gee, I wonder where you could find a blogger like that.


PS: Yesterday Was Quite a Day

OK, now for a little what-happened-in-my-life stuff. Here are some of the things that happened yesterday. I am not making any of them up.

  • I became unemployed: Yesterday was my last day at Microsoft. I’m going to miss that place. Here’s the “going away” letter I sent to coworkers:


You’d better sit down for this.

You’re already sitting? Well, that’s to be expected, I suppose, since you’re reading email.

I’m leaving Microsoft. Today is my last day.

I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself.

Are you OK now? I’ll continue then.

Next week, I’m starting at Burton Group, based in Midvale, UT. It’s an interesting job and puts me closer to family. It also — and this is not trivial — puts me smack-dab-middle in some of the best mountain biking in the whole world.

And yet, I will miss Microsoft and Washington. I will miss working with the top-notch people at this company, many of which are nearly as smart as I am. I will miss the trees, each of which I have given a name. I will miss having my phone synchronize with Outlook seamlessly and elegantly. I will miss the company store. I will miss the salad bar in building 36. I will miss the soft-serve ice cream dispenser in building 36 even more.

Oh, great. Now I’m blubbering like a little kid.

If you’d like to stay in touch with me (and I suggest that you do), please contact me at 

I will miss you. Nearly, I imagine, as much as you will miss me.

Kind Regards,


  • I sold a house: We completed negotiations on the sale of our house in Washington.
  • I bought a house: Our offer on a house in Alpine, Utah was accepted.
  • I got homepaged on MSN: This resulted in about 80,000 page views in one day, and a massive number of comments. I guess I picked a wacky day to do the Triathlon post I’ve been thinking about for about six months.
  • I crossed the 1,000,000 page view mark: Sometime between 11am and 2pm, while I was packing my office up and wrapping things up for my job, the homepage thing happened and I picked up around 25,000 page views, which means I didn’t get to watch the counter pick up a digit. Oh well. The thing is, I was going to have a big giveaway where people guessed what day and time I hit 1,000,000. Now I’ll just have to come up with a different contest. Ideas, anyone?
  • I Made the If I Were King blogger very angry. I guess he didn’t realize that I do contests and give stuff away every week; tying the popularity contest MSN did to my weekly contest is in character with what I do in this blog, much as his making decrees about pet peeves is his thing. Maybe he’d forgive me if I sent him a Banjo Brothers Pocket Messenger Bag?
  • I exceeded my allocated bandwidth on When I did the Cannondale Ad critique earlier this month, I hosted the images on Oops. With all the people visiting yesterday, I shot right by my 5Gb/month allocation just by those images getting served, which means yesterday’s success is literally going to cost me.
  • Lots of people took me to task: Bev’s is my favorite:

Man, am I sorry I stumbled upon this!  The self-important ravings of an obvious narcissist, judgemental of people whom you claim to admire…  I don’t get it, but I seldom understand people of your ilk.

I do have one question, however.  A triathalon is three separate sports linked together in a single competition.  Why wouldn’t three sports which are combined into one competition be worthy of being called a sport?  I think your rant is reflective of a lack of ability on your part and your consequential feelings of inadequacy. 

And how lame do you have to be to try to bribe people to vote for your blog with stuff that you’ve admitted is junk you don’t want to pack when you move?  As tempting as the stuff you are giving away because you are obviously are too lazy to have a yard sale may be, I think I’ll refrain from voting.

  • I got threatened with vehicular homicide: Juels said:

Dear fatty cyclist,

From a swimmer (which by the way I find melts my stress away while Im getting fit & HAVING FUN) I sure hope I never come across you while im driving my HUGE SUV while having a fit of road rage & feeling like tony stewart because then you’d find out why swimming isnt nearly as dangerous as cycling.

I do find your list of possible sports quite interesting though but again, I would go for Dodge vehicle.  Meaning of course, Im on some sort of gas powered vehicle (ATC, Motorcross, 4 wheeler, etc…) and its your job to keep the hell outta my way before I run your fat cycling backside over.  We could also call it ROADKILL!!


  • I got the best new definition of “sport,” ever. Frontlinefaery said this:

Allow me to share my own interpretation of what is and isn’t a sport.  It’s quite simple, though somewhat unique.  If it can prepare you for a possible zombie attack (or some other type of invasion), it’s a sport.  This automatically disqualifies golf.

Swimming:  if you can outdistance the disgruntled merman, you win.

Running:  Always a wonderful backup plan for when all else fails.  Keep in good shape for best results.  Also handy for when the dogs take an unhealthy interest.

Cycling of all types:  Much faster than running, and more maneuverable than a car.

You get the idea.  If in doubt, just ask yourself:  "What if my opponent was a zombie?"  If the answer puts you at risk of getting eaten, you’ve got a sport on your hands.

All in all, not a bad day. Except the vehicular homicide threat. Especially since the insurance at my new company doesn’t kick in ’til Monday.


  1. Comment by craig | 03.30.2006 | 6:35 pm

    Re: If I were king guy.  Obviously he doesn’t know you or read your blog much. 
    He asks
    You defeat the purpose of voting.
    Both you and I have been "featured" in the past(8/05).

    Do you really need MORE recognition?
    Of course you do.
    People really take this stuff seriously I guess, just like the tri stuff.  Oh well I got other things to worry about. 
    Here hoping you get no more threats.

  2. Comment by Paul | 03.30.2006 | 6:41 pm

    Thanks to Frontlinefaery I will now be thinking about zombie hoards when I bike (and run, I shamefully admit to running also.)
    I’ve also taught my three year old daughter to say "Don’t eat my bains!" when being tickled. So she too will be ready for the zombie hoards. :-)

  3. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 6:43 pm

    i knew this would happen. someone asked fatty to defend or explain, and the result is this tolstoy-like post tody. i haven’t even finished reading it, i need to read it in installments. maybe that would make it more dickensian, but still, the point, and i think you’re following me, is that it’s long. loooonnnnngggggg.
    and yet, still way, way better than mr sour grapes "i’m the arbiter of all that’s true and fair on msn" king for a day, things that must go is so played it’s come and gone and come and gone again. dang it, now i have sour grapes.

  4. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 6:44 pm

    Hilarious entry today, as always.  The LeakyGas comment cracked me up! 
    As of 10:38am, you’re at 52.3% of the MSN voting!  Kick Ass!  Yeah, baby!  Too bad you pissed off the King dude.  Good thing he ain’t king, or it sounds like he would’ve ordered "Off with his head!"
    Enjoy your few days off before you start the new job…

  5. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 6:48 pm

    Master Fats,
    butt kissing aside, you are the man.
    hey after the toor day FRANCE coverage you
    give, maybe they’ll send you to Hawaii to cover
    the Ironman.
    i can hear your call now: the leader is in the water,
    and he’s in the red cap. oh, wait, he just got kicked
    in the face. nope, my bad, he was just attacked by
    a shark. it’s good, he’ll still probably take his age group.
    for sure he’ll set a new P.R.
    sorry, i just finished reading Patrick O’Grady, my
    rant is done.

  6. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 6:55 pm

    I agree something has to be done about the jerseys and I actually just wrote about that on my blog.  I’m totally with you about the Bianci jerseys after they picked up the Coast team.  Classic.  Alas, finding a team jersey to fit a female has always proved difficult for me.

  7. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 6:58 pm

    Wow, it always surprises me when people show so much hostility towards someone they don’t even know.  Are people really too stupid to take a joke?  Do people really take themselves that seriously?  Do they really care all that much that you bribe your readers?
    By the way Fatty, you can still get one of those Bianchi jerseys.  I believe that still sells them, but only in long sleeve (which is infinitely cooler anyways).  I have been lusting after one for months, but so far too cheap to buy one.

  8. Comment by barry1021 | 03.30.2006 | 7:11 pm

    Hmmm, ideas for a new contest. How about one for bloggers whose first name rhymes with "Harry" and ride a Serotta and a Lemond? Just a thought.
    so did you buy the house you pictured, or did you truly scare off the seller?
    Hey I actually thought Jeuls was trying to be funny and not take you to task!. FC you are taking yourself way too seriously, you have to lighten up like the rest of us.
    Bev is my sister’s name but she did not write that. She is actually funny and has a sense of humor.
    Finally, dude if you are leaving a job that has soft serve ice cream and going to a place that doesn’t, I don’t care, IT’S A BAD CAREER MOVE!!

  9. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 7:11 pm

    You sir, have sunk to a new low; sunk so low . . . far exceeding the Flo-Ho incident.
    Pandering to some company to pay for you to go to France to become a souless company hack.  I’m starting to think the TRI guys are right.
    P.S. If you need someone to carry your laptop while you’re in France, I’m available.  And no, I don’t mean "Lap-top" and no, I don’t mean "available".

  10. Comment by Zed | 03.30.2006 | 7:43 pm

    Hey, at least you know how to spell triathlon. Some of those triathletes and their defenders ought to be ashamed of themselves …

  11. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 8:01 pm

    Ahh, you cyclists with your utopian ideas. 
    Of course we don’t want the changes to the teams you suggest. 
    For instance, if the Discovery Channel was more involved in Team Discovery, we’d be treated to CGI animated specials like "If Dinosaurs Rode in the TDF."  And then we’d have the spectacle of the LongIsland motorcycle builders ambling about during the Tour.  Pauly Jr. misses his girlfriend.  Pauly Sr. gets angry at the stupid French people.  And the younger dumber brother wears shorts, except it being the TDF his shorts are roughly three times the size of the next biggest guy’s shorts.  (Though if they wanted to put those two hotties from Mythbusters in full Team Discovery kit and put them on the bikes, I’d watch, even if I had to go pay per view).  And that guy from Dirty Jobs would be just the guy for roving reporter coverage.  Can you imagine the play he’d get with Bob Roll in the studio?  It would be sweeeet. 
    Then there’s T-Mobile.  Sure, Lars, or Ludwig, or Lutz or whatever his name is could use the phone.  And he’d be swerving all over, bumping into people.  Purists like Basso would say things like "wassamatta you… bringa the phone onna the ride?"  Then Zabriskie would pull up to him on primetime, and say something like, "Dude, I don’t have a problem with you using the phone all the time, but couldn’t you and your mom exchange recipies later?  Total disaster for Ulrich, who’d lose those lucrative hair product endorsement contracts.
    And Illes-Ballears… you can’t change anything about that team, whose full name is something like Illes-Ballears-Infested-RosanaRosanaDiana-Lotto-Craps-Casino-Sparkasse-Zarathustra, or something like that.  Bob Roll simply can’t properly pronounce their name, yet he insists on trying.  In a five minute stretch a couple weeks ago, he pronounced it 1) Ill-ass Bear-real-is; 2) Eel-us Bare-real-ass; and 3) Ellis-Labia-lips.  OMG… it was the only reason to watch Cyclism Sundays until they moved onto the cobblestone races.  (Starting this sunday at 5:00, with the other TDF, Tour de Flandres).
    And CSC… I’ve worked with CSC consultants.  Best damn people there are.  Also boring to the point where watching paint dry seems dynamic.  Better that we don’t know anything about CSC.  The company is steady, and reliable, and efficient enough, that even Didi Senft would quit watching the tour if he had to hear about them. 
    One final point.  Golf is *totally* a sport.  Anybody who has ever watched a zombie movie knows that golf clubs are a most excellent weapon for bashing zombie brains out.  This was most recently illustrated in the excellent Shaun of the Dead.  If I recall correctly, Jessica Stevenson’s "Yvonne" character was using what looked like a 7 iron to do in zombies, proving that old #7 is not just a great all-around club on the course providing a variety of shotmaking options, but it is a top notch zombie whacker.  (/David Attenborough voice).  Yvonne, you’ll recall, lived.  

  12. Comment by Gelati Farms | 03.30.2006 | 8:06 pm

    Wow.  You had quite a day yesterday.  Some of us need to live almost a lifetime to have a list like that but not you.  Overachiever.
    Now, the other day I read an old post of yours where you were concerned  about showing off your gastrocs.  I treated a runner today and while I was stripping his calves (technique where I use my elbow to break down myofascial adhesions) I though of you.  Kind of odd really, but I won’t tell him if you don’t.  Here were my thoughts…
    1.  nothing but nothing sets off a lovely gastrocnemius like a beautifully developed soleus.  I hope you pay equal attention to that muscle.
    2.  you stretch right?  Otherwise, your gastrocs and soleus will look like a wadded up ball of twine.
    Just checking.

  13. Comment by barry1021 | 03.30.2006 | 8:22 pm

    Hey Alison
    Don’t take this the wrong way or anything cuz you are on Fatty’s blog now and you are fair game. Could you remove that wholesome picture of yourself with your incredibly wonderful family and maybe replace it with one of you in a speedo and then repeat that stuff about calves stripping and breaking down myofascial adhesions? Thanks. Fatty’s blog is great, but there is one aspect that has been sadly lacking. If this offends you, I want you to know Al maviva asked me to make this request, he is very shy.

  14. Comment by Sharon | 03.30.2006 | 8:24 pm

    HEYYYY SLIM  cyclist!
    167.2 is considered FAT??!!   Oh gosh..  I’m a female , 5′5" and 137.2 (I’ll give ya the point 2 just to be obliging)… on the road to ruin I guess..  LOL.  Great blog and always a treat to read.  Keep  on writing and entertaining us please. Your witty sarcasism is refreshing in a weird sort of way..  lol.  You have my vote (and YES, I’ve read the others FOR ALL THOSE WHO CARE! )             :-)

  15. Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 03.30.2006 | 8:26 pm

    On my 50 mile Saturday rides I go past Australia Zoo, where Steve Irwin keeps his wife, kids and spare crocodiles.
    My 2 minute call to Ullrich would be all about his cadence.  "Dude, you’ve worn out another knee.  Change gears occasionally, or hire an underling to change gears for you."

  16. Comment by K.T. | 03.30.2006 | 8:50 pm

    Hey FC, its me King Tom.  I knew eventually you would get around to saying something about me.  I have no problem with that.  OK, here is my thoughts on this whole voting thing.  Remember, its just my opinion.  I’ve been reading you since we were both featured in "Whats Your Story", way back in August.  99.9% of the time I like your blog,its informative, funny, clever, etc.   I just had an issue with your entry on Tuesday.  I bet you were as suprised as I was when we were going to be featured a 2nd time.  I even sent an email back to MSN, telling them of their mistake.  I didnt feel it was needed to feature me again, since there are so many blogs that have yet to be honored.  Gelati Farms seemed to be running away with the voting, until your entry.  I must admit, it was very creative.  I know you give away stuff in the past, but some people dont know that.  We dont know whats going thru your mind when you wrote that entry.  Are you so competitive that you have to win?  Do you need victory to stroke your ego or pound your chest.
    You’ve been featured once allready, do you really need another  victory under your belt?  This isnt a game of survivor, where we have to outthink our opponents.  I’m sure none of that is true, but some people have gotten that impression.   However, that said, I dont think thats what MSN had in mind when they created this voting thing.  It wasnt in the spirt of fair play.  Really, I’m not angry, maybe disappointed is a better word.  Gelati farms may have missed out on an opportunity to be featured.  We’ll never know.
    thats it……….Keep on bloggin……..K.T.

  17. Comment by Andrew | 03.30.2006 | 8:59 pm

    Dear Guru of Gargantuan Gluteals,
    The Discovery Channel actually once did a show Lance Armstrong and the TdF ("Chasing Lance"). They took the most exciting day of the event, one in which team members were stabbing each other in the back and reducing strategery to shambles, and focused on: the team’s cook’s reaction to it all. It was the most miserablest piece of crap coverage of a sports event I’ve ever see.
    I’d rather watch the Crocadile Hunter.

  18. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 9:23 pm

    Fatty, I just voted for you.  Again.

  19. Comment by Gelati Farms | 03.30.2006 | 9:39 pm

    It is sort of strange to be carrying on a conversation in somebody else’s blog, but as there is nowhere else to contact you, here goes…
    I am new to this blog but already I get that there is lots of sarcasm squatting in even the most innocent sounding comments here.  I can only assume that your comment re. the Speedo is one such comment.  Well, either that or you have never been by my place and flipped through my albums because if you had you would know that there is no way in hell I would don a Speedo if there was a camera anywhere in the vicinity.  Well, maybe if the Speedo covered me from neck to ankles.  And was made of something other than Lycra.
    Hold that thought though.  Summer is coming and I have full intentions of getting back into climbing.  This would mean that I would first have to get back into my harness.  First the harness, then the Speedo.  I do have my priorities and as with Fatty, swimming is not on my favourites list.
    p.s.  just so you know…the guy whose gastrocnemius I stripped with my elbow today?  He was in tears when he left.  Seriously.  But he is coming back next week. 

  20. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 9:39 pm

    So, King Tom, you understand that Gelati Farms is already being featured right?  I mean if you go to the farm is right there.  I’m fairly certain that once Fatty finishes creaming you guys, the minds of those that viewed the "loser’s" blogs aren’t going to be erased.  MSN isn’t going to un-feature your blog or gelati farms or greener pastures.

  21. Comment by craig | 03.30.2006 | 9:42 pm

    wow.  this is funny stuff

  22. Comment by Zed | 03.30.2006 | 10:08 pm

    Hmmm, gee, King Tut, I’d have to lean toward Botched’s comment there. Is there some other mega-prize that you win if you get the most votes that we don’t know about? Does MSN give you a cheeseburger if you win or something? If the answer to that question is ‘no’ then I’m also a little curious as to what exactly you’re getting all steamed up about.

  23. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 10:09 pm

    Hey King of Nothing -
    We cyclists are mostly competive people – I would stick a frame pump in my mother’s front spokes to win a prime. So what Fatty did is par for the course. Kinda like cheating in NASCAR – those involved in the sport don’t think much of it, just the media shows surprise. Also we have all of our teeth and don’t marry relatives.
    Allison – we do converse w/ each other thru various blogs – Rocky calls it bog squatting and those involved don’t seem to mind.

  24. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 10:16 pm

    You and Alison seem pretty cool, too bad Tom had to butt in and try to ruin everyones good time. 
    Should see if you and Bob Roll could get a feature show during Tour time, bet the teaming would be hilarious, but please make sure Bob keeps his clothes on this year.  Young cyclist can’t grow up to be great cyclist if they get blinded in their youth tryin’ to watch the Tour ;)
    But seriously, your blog was the highlight of the tour coverage last year, you seriously need network exposure.
    You rock, almost as much as me ;)

  25. Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 10:47 pm

    Hey man, love your blog.  I also just submitted you to mySpace best of.

  26. Comment by S | 03.30.2006 | 11:40 pm

    Wow, I had no idea there were people out there with absolutely NO sense of humor!  I just stumbled on your blog yesterday when it was profiled on myspace.  I’ve been training for a triathlon with my sister and got an absolute kick out of your commentary!  We missed our registration deadline so the wind has been knocked out of our sails – I think maybe I’ll just go back to my soccer teams – now that’s a sport!
    I’m going to vote for you just to rile up those lacking humor!

  27. Comment by Jose | 03.30.2006 | 11:50 pm

    Why don’t we just stop by the IIWK blog and leave a comment so he doesn’t feel bad? Let’s show him a little bit of cyclist cordiality! The same cordiality that the French show to American riders that win the TDF……you know what I mean….

  28. Comment by a | 03.31.2006 | 12:09 am

    i wonder how much more pissed queen tom would be if he realized this is actually fatty’s 3rd time being featured…
    or that two of fatty’s sisters were featured…
    or that dozens of fatty’s friends were featured…
    for a guy that claims to have read the blog since august he really doesn’t get it.  could he be the mysterious dr. lammler?

  29. Comment by barry1021 | 03.31.2006 | 12:38 am

    Ummm, not sarcasm Alison, that is a bit too self-righteous and mean, and, despite some newbie’s posts to the contrary, that is not what this blog is about. I would say Humor with an Edge, melted in with some self-deprecating Humor with an Edge. That comes right from the top, he is after the Fat Cyclist with his "before" pix out there for the world to see. If you read FC’s blogs and his crew of merry posters, it all starts with poking fun at oneself. And lookee here!! Right in your paragraph #2, you make a little funny at your own expense. You fit right in!! Welcome to Fatty’s World, clown noses in aisle two.
    And here’s another thing about Fatty (whom I have never met and know only through his, uh, body of work). If he really believed that you or King Tom would have been hurt by his giveaway game, he would not have done it. Yup that’s right Tomboy, Fatty is a really good guy having fun and maybe, just maybe bringing a little more interest to ALL the blogs. Could he inadvertantly do something bad to the other bloggers? Sure, just cuz he’s a nice guy doesn’t mean he cannot be dumb as a post sometimes, but c’mon, we ain’t creating world peace here (place world peace blog URL here).
    Now back to you Alison…that’s not to say that if you come around with that speedo pix, especially after you get your workouts done (dammit, climb girl, climb!!!), that we won’t appreciate it.
    Hell, you would probably win something.

  30. Comment by pete | 03.31.2006 | 1:13 am

    I’ve not been here for a while so maybe I’m missing something, but I didn’t realise there were more of these "space" things. I’ve no intention of reading the others, so I’m sure you’ll win.Re: CSC headquarters. I left my wallet in El Segundo.Toodle Pip.PS Can I win your old job now that you don’t want it?

  31. Comment by Donald | 03.31.2006 | 1:19 am

    Fatty must be getting realy famous with all the death threats and such. Hopefully he wont get any stalkers.
    Keep up the good work.

  32. Comment by joan | 03.31.2006 | 3:04 am

    KT needs to lighten up a little.  Judging by his site, perhaps he needs to find more "funny" photos of fat people sitting on their pets.  I voted for you, Fatty, and I would have voted even without the incentive progam you had going.  Congrats on all the new changes in your life, except the stalker thing. 

  33. Comment by Jason | 03.31.2006 | 3:25 am

    Congrats on the move to Utah.  I’m originally from Salt Lake and now living in Michigan.  When I moved out here I was really thinking my days on the bike was over.  Fortunately I’ve been able to find some pretty good rides.  Nothing of course like the single track in Park City or the great riding down south in Moab. 
    Anyways live the Utah dream for all of us out in the flatlands.

  34. Comment by Kelly | 03.31.2006 | 4:33 am

    Aaaaahhhh. Fatty. My man.

    I write several papers, take and flunk a midterm exam, live through a tornado and still I miss all the excitement.

    Let’s see….I’ve been reading your for nearly 8 months now. My
    comments, at first, were quite frequent and then time, family, and
    school tore me away (literally – I was kicking and screaming). There
    are too many times to count when I left holding my sides from laughter
    or just in complete awe of your brilliant writing. Plus,
    you have the coolest family members I know of with a disproportionate
    amount of talent. (Really. It’s just unfair.) Then, you put yourself
    out there constantly with the weight issue.

    But this, my friend, is the funniest and most touching post. You’ve got
    a lot on your plate (nope – not a pun, Fatty) and still deal gracefully
    with trolls. I like you more than ever.

    Loyally yours,
    p.s. The link just now was "Tips for Fixing Hair Loss". Can we expect
    another contest of some sort? I’d love to post a picture of my hair
    when it’s all blown out and not yet straightened with a flat iron. What
    would you offer me?

  35. Comment by Nanget | 03.31.2006 | 5:31 am

    You know you’ve made it when you’re threatened over nothing.

  36. Comment by cawddup | 03.31.2006 | 7:40 am

    You want my vote for a $5 bag?  Pah!

    Next time please present a bribe in line with my over-inflated sense of self-importance.

  37. Comment by allan | 03.31.2006 | 11:47 am

    OK big guy. I voted for you yet again. This time, however, it wasn’t for free stuff. Royal boy has annoyed me with the way he has taken this entirely too seriously. If this bothers him I really hope he never gets into politics.

  38. Comment by Road Warrior | 03.31.2006 | 2:24 pm

    I have to say, this blog is the most updated out of all featured on msn spaces and perhaps with the most original content. I like your point of view, or rather how you express it! Great space!

  39. Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 2:44 pm

    Heh,heh…Leaky gas.  As much as that makes me laugh, I am glad that I’m not the only one who noticed the poor pronunciation by Phil.

  40. Comment by barry1021 | 03.31.2006 | 3:10 pm

    Could we have a ruling on the Liquigas pronuciaton pls? Someone who knows the origin of the company–the French industrial gas company Air Liquide is pronounced Li-Keede, so "leaky" may not be wrong, just one of those unfortunate language things, somewhat exacerbated by the strange decision to put the name across the lower back on some of their kits……

  41. Comment by joan | 03.31.2006 | 5:00 pm

    Alas, Phil Liggett’s pronounciation of Liquigas is correct.  Though his obsessive repetition of it is concerning…

  42. Comment by Cassie | 03.31.2006 | 5:06 pm

    Re: Golf.  I’m not a fan – personally, I agree with Mark Twain -
    but, technically speaking, if zombies attacked and you were actually
    playing golf at the time, then you could bean ‘em with a club, killing
    them and protecting yourself.  So, I guess that sort of makes it a
    sport.  Or, if you have your own golf cart, you could get away
    from them as they usually don’t move to quickly.

  43. Comment by Laurel | 03.31.2006 | 5:46 pm

    I can’t believe the hate-mail.  I just sent your link to my cyclist friends (my hubby races…I did commit to "for better or worse") under the title This Guy is a Riot.  Where are peoples’ sense of humor???
    BTW – I’m a runner.  Want the reasons?
    It’s cheaper to buy a couple of pairs of shoes every year at $90 a piece than to buy and maintain 5-6 bikes (commuter, mountain, rain, training, track and racing) at $$$$ a crack.
    I don’t have to wear a diaper when I run.
    I don’t have to wonder if the dude in front of me in the pace line had chili last night.
    Lycra.  In strange team colors. Enough said.
    Ignorant sons of female dogs in cars.
    More time efficient so I can get back home to those weekend chores.
    No one expects you to commute to work as a runner.
    Don’t have to stock Boudreau’s Butt Paste.
    Keep doin’ what you do.  Many appreciate the humor and effort.

  44. Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 5:56 pm

    clearly none of you have seen the updated version of dawn of the dead. those zombies wouldn’t be deterred much by a five iron. maybe one of those new drivers, but only if vin diesel is wielding it. and only for a little while.

  45. Comment by Thom Allen | 03.31.2006 | 6:14 pm

    Nice blog. Great comments. You’re moving to my neck of the woods, and it just so happens that I’m a FatCyclist who loves riding in the Utah mountains (and the urban mountains too). Look me up some time when you get here, love to ride!

  46. Comment by bryan | 03.31.2006 | 7:59 pm

    Dear Fatman,
    This is a riot!  I love the blog and took particular interest as Im looking into buying a mountain bike to get back into shape. 
     "Get back into shape?"  Well, yes at one time in life I was in shape.  Back at Ft Bragg, NC in the US Army Special Forces Assesment and Selection course I was in very good shape.
     3 weeks of sleep depervation (avg 3 hours a day) and food depervation (1 MRE a day) we would do land navigation movements with 100 lbs ruck sacks of gear, food, and water not to mention carrying a mock m16 in hands at all times.  Our land navigation movements were 10-30 kilometers in length through good ole Ft Bragg back brush.  Along with land nav we would do obsticle courses and team solving problems like carrying a 250 lb duffle bag filled with sand in a stretcher with steel poles balanced on the back of our ruck sacks 10 kilometers.  Things that would widdle 400 strong bad ass soldiers down to about 70 or so.  Then graduation day just to celebrate we got to do 26.2 miles with our 100 lbs ruck sacks timed.  All on lack of sleep and lack of food and injuries. 
    Now im a 37 year old bartender going to school full time for IT and Im not quit in that good of shape (lol).  Your blog has given me some motivation to try to get back into shape and maybee not take it so serious and just have fun.
     Like when I ran the Berlin marathon and tanked so bad I walked the last km.  I actualy had an older German fellow approach me while I was walking in obvious pain and he handed me his mug of beer and yelled at me, "fur kraft!" (for power!)  So after taking a swig of his beer I asked him for a cigarete and finished the last km of the Berlin Marathon with a smoke :-) 
    Ill keep reading it If you keep posting it, Bryan

  47. Comment by joe | 03.31.2006 | 8:28 pm

    As a large man myself (6 foot, 220 and proud), I felt I should weigh in on a few points here.  Having been called fat some time ago by an in shape bike riding female who thought she could keep up I was hurt.  She was hurt more when we did a short mountain ride and she struggled to say in sight (of course like our leader said we are riding in a group so we slowed down to ride together).  We stil laugh about the day she called me fat and we still ride together a lot.  As for the definition of a sport…I say anything you can do for fun or competition that is not judged and therefore subjective.  Anything that you are either scoring point against someone else or another team.  Or racing against the clock or some one else should cover it.  I still cheering for Team Discovery, but Jan Ullrich will always be my mentor/leader/hero.  I’m not fat, I’m just high waisted.

  48. Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 8:34 pm

    Could you imagine how Juels’ road rage would be if she didn’t "melt away" the stress?? Keep swimming Juels!! For the love of God and all humankind Keep swimming!!!!

  49. Comment by Brooke | 03.31.2006 | 8:52 pm

    Welcome to Alpine!  And, may I say, you’ve made a great choice.  It’s a wonderful place to live and you really can’t get much better than American Fork Canyon.  Best wishes for happy cycling and happy everything else our fair city has to offer (check out the mountain bike race at Alpine Days every August–I think you’ll find it agreeable).
    PS.  I’m enjoying the blog–glad MSN featured you!

  50. Comment by Yokota Fritz | 03.31.2006 | 11:52 pm

    We must be like twins or something. Today was my last day at National
    Semiconductor. Monday I start at Sun Microsystems. I had to clear bike
    stuff from four different offices at my work place today — spare
    tires, spare tubes, even a spare bike. Lights, clothing, shoes,
    batteries — I brought home four boxes of nothing but bike stuff.

    I *still* don’t get the Gelati Farms thing. What’s the attraction there?

  51. Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 2:23 am

    I can’t think of an appropriate response to Juels that doesn’t involve finding her and taking very specific and 100% effective preemptive action.  Gee wiz.
    One of the first times I ever saw a Hummer live and in person was one pulling in to a Burger King; all black and shiny chrome.  The driver door opened and this tiny little guy with a moustache and periwinkle 1980’s track suit descended like Neil Armstrong feeling his way down to the surface of the moon.  I think Juels must be like that.
    If it helps, just think of the threat being said with her squeaky little voice squeezing out through the eighth inch crack she opens the window of her monster minivan  to project her power through.

  52. Comment by Jason | 04.1.2006 | 2:25 pm

    Hey just to let you know Even though Discovery is the sponsor of the team OLN still remains all broadcast rights.
    Keep on strategizing though…..we need more solid marketing ideas

  53. Comment by Unknown | 04.10.2006 | 5:59 pm

    re. Bev, and Vehicular Homocide:  It cracks me up that people take you seriously enough to actually get mad. 


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.