The ol’ Ibis Ti Road just hasn’t been doing it for me anymore. I’ve been riding it all through the winter and have been bothered by how heavy and slow it feels. So I’ve been thinking about a new road bike. Something fast. Something nimble. Something light.

There’s just the small issue of paying for it. And the surprisingly-less-small issue of justifying it. After all, my bike stable has grown a lot lately; I now have two mountain bikes, a road bike, and the fixie.

So, hoping to eek one more season out of my nine-year-old road bike, last night I de-winterized it, meaning I took off the fenders (hey, I’m moving to Utah anyway), removed the lights, and swapped out the Armadillos for some nice svelte road tires. The bike probably lost two pounds in zip tie weight alone. Probably.

Here Comes the Sun

I had to get up extra early this morning to take out a bunch of furniture for the Salvation Army to come pick up (I’m sure you’re interested, so the furniture included two couches, two toddler beds and mattresses, two desks, a bunkbed, a chest of drawers, a bookcase, a nightstand, a coffee table, and two barstools). By the time I finished putting all this in front of my house at 6:30am, I noticed something wonderful: the day was already sunny and warm.

Warm enough for shorts and short sleeves.

Time to go for a ride.

How to Fall in Love with Your Bike All Over Again

Today’s ride was a perfect storm of nice changes. I’ve lost a bunch of weight in two days using the Stunt Diet™ (and due to Pasta Day the day before, I was carbo-loaded to the gills), I wasn’t bundled up with tights and a long-sleeved jersey, and my bike was about four pounds lighter than it’s been in several months.

I flew.

Suddenly, I love the Ibis again. When not saddled with the winter/rain gear, it’s a smooth, fast, light bike (I know eighteen pounds may sound like a heavy road bike nowadays, but it still seems light to me). It’s nimble; it’s comfortable all day. My right arm doesn’t go to sleep when I’m riding the Ibis, which is a good clue that I need to do some fit adjusting on my fixie and mountain bikes.

My advice to you if you’re considering a new road bike? Before you do, try this:

1. Weigh it down with a bunch of stuff: fenders, a burly light setup, and bombproof tires.
2. Ride the bike around for long enough that you forget that it didn’t used to be that heavy and awkward. Three months, at least.
3. Go back to your old setup.
4. Ta-Da! Your old bike feels new! Look at all the money you’ve saved! Send some of it to me!

Stunt Diet™: Day 1 Winner

So, how’d the first two days of the Stunt Diet™ go, you ask? They went exquisitely well, thank you for asking. Yesterday, I weighed in at 166.6 pounds, a one-day loss of 3.8 pounds. Frankly, that’s a little bit unexpected, so I’m not at all surprised that most of you didn’t even come close. One person, though, nailed it, exactly:

You omitted one key fact that is necessary to generate an accurate answer.  Therefore my weight estimate comes with some maths involved.  I’l give you 2.8 pounds plus an extra 0.4 pounds for each hour of riding.

—Big Mike in Oz

Well, on Monday, I rode 2.5 hours, so Mike’s math brought him to an exact match. Which means I get to send a 64Mb USB Flash Memory Drive to Australia. I’d complain about postage if it were anyone else, but Mike once spent a fair chunk of his own change to send me a package of peanut butter Oreos. Email me your address, Mike, OK?

Stunt Diet™: Day 2 Results, Day 3 Progress

Yesterday was Pasta Day in the Stunt Diet™. There was considerable speculation that I would gain back everything I had lost in the first day.

But I didn’t.

I lost another 1.2 pounds—I weighed in at 165.4 pounds this morning. I didn’t cheat the whole day, because there are few things in the world I’d rather eat than penne pasta with a spicy tomato sauce and lots of onions. I could do another Pasta Day tomorrow.

Today is Nothing but Fruit Day in the Stunt Diet™. My wife has been incredibly nice about helping me on this day by cutting up a couple cantaloupe and dozens of strawberries. Between that and several bananas and four grapefruit (so far) today, this episode of the Stunt Diet has been downright delicious.

But I am still so hungry.

The Incredible Shrinking Man Lends a Hand to UltraRob

I don’t know if he found out about Rob’s need for crew by reading my blog, but Tom Stormcrowe (The Incredible Shrinking Man) is going to crew for Rob Lucas as he races the RAAM. What a great adventure.

Tom’s already got a pretty sweet deal going with the Banjo Brothers, so I don’t know if he’d want a messenger bag, but I definitely want to send him a USB Flash Drive. Email me your address, Tom.

Why Do I Suddenly Have a Bunch of Flash Memory Drives to Give Away?

Yesterday, I went over and visited in person with some of the MSN Spaces people. They’re always interested in learning about the people who read and write these things, so they gave me several 64Mb USB Flash Memory Drives to give away, along with an MSN-branded polo shirt and three copies of the book Share Your Story: Blogging with MSN Spaces. All you’ve got to do to win something is have an interesting answer to one of the questions I’ll be asking tomorrow.

I’m in an excellent mood today. Why? Well, I have a couple of reasons. First off, the Stunt Diet™ is off to an excellent start. Here are observations and highlights from Yogurt Day:

• I am less likely to cheat when the diet is totally binary: With just about any other diet, I am able to rationalize whatever I’m eating. With the Stunt Diet™, that’s not possible. You’re either eating the one thing you’re allowed to eat, or you’re cheating.
• I am less likely to take a step forward when I’m standing next to a cliff. As the day went on, I desperately wanted something with a different texture and taste than yogurt. I knew, though, that once I started cheating, I wouldn’t stop until I had made a spectacle of myself.
• I did not get an upset stomach. I thought that this much yogurt would make me ill, but it didn’t.
• I have my limits: I had targeted 30 yogurts for the day, but I just couldn’t do it. Fifteen was all I could manage, which comes out to about 900 calories. After that, the thought of more yogurt simply repelled me.
• I experienced a new sensation. For the first time in my life, I was extremely hungry, but unwilling to eat.
• The cravings one gets when eating yogurt all day make for a healthy “cheat.” Around 8:00pm I knew I could not eat another yogurt, no matter what. What sounded really, really good was a sandwich. So I mashed up four hardboiled eggs (only one yolk, though) with (fat free) mayo, mustard, and relish, and served it on a couple pieces of wheat bread. It was the most delicious sandwich I have ever eaten.
• I do not know whether I will be able to do another Yogurt Day in the near future. I no longer get the heebie-jeebies when I think about yogurt, but it’s not like I’m craving it.
• I am startled by how much weight I lost. Yesterday, I weighed in at 170.4. Guess how much (to the tenth of a pound) I weighed this morning? The closest guess gets a MSN 64Mb USB Flash Memory Drive. I’ll explain why I have this to give away tomorrow-ish. For now, Leave your guess by email or comment.

Day 2: Too Easy, So Far

Stunt Diet™, Day 2 was supposed to be Clif Bar day, but I only have three Clif Bars. So I’m doing Pasta Day today. This morning I made a big batch of penne marinara, with lots and lots and lots of onions. I could eat this all day for a week straight.

And you know, maybe next week I will.

Help Out Rob

UltraRob is less than a month from doing the Race Across America, and some of his crew has bailed. Sheesh. Rob needs help. Here’s what he says:

Basically the setup will be 2 crews of 3. If I manage to get more than 6 people we’ll be able to have a couple people run errands or have a chance to take turns getting extra rest. The problem right now is I’m basically down to 5 with one more pretty sure that he’s not going to be allowed to take off work. My goal will be to ride about 20 hours a day, so the crew needs to be getting more sleep than me so they can function as my brain and also not run over me when directly following.

During a shift there’s 3 main responsibilities: the driver, the navigator, and the food, supplement, and medication person. There will be other tasks such as changing music, getting jackets, spraying water to cool me off, fixing mechanical issues, etc.

I have a couple people driving a van to the start from Colorado and the rest I’m flying. I’m having the crew arrive in Oceanside on June 9th.

I’m flying pretty much everyone home on June 24th. During the race I’m paying for food and lodging so the crew really shouldn’t have to pay for much of anything.

I’ll tell you what. If you can somehow find the time to volunteer and help UltraRob out, I’ll beg the Banjo Brothers to outfit you with one of their messenger bags. And I’ll give you one of these handy MSN USB Flash Memory Drives I’ve got. ‘Cuz if someone’s going to do the RAAM, he shouldn’t have to do it with a skeleton crew.

Over the weekend, while resting between taking loads of stuff to the hazardous waste transfer station (about 25-years-worth of paint and pesticides have accumulated in the garage; I’ve decided to be the guy that leaves the next owner with a clean garage) I found some time to catch up on friends’ blogs. One of them was Al Maviva’s recap of the weight loss competition he and Rocky did (Congrats to both, by the way, and especially to Al).

It got me thinking.

I’ve had a tough time sticking to a diet lately. While I have motivation a-plenty (two major races and the likelihood of giving up a bike if I don’t get started), I’m not losing weight. And it’s not like I don’t know how to lose weight. I know exactly what to do to get results. I’m just not doing it.

Dieting has become too…ordinary. Too dull. Reduce the fat, keep the calories down, eat a lot of fruits, vegetables and whole grains, drink lots of water, blah blah blah blah blah.

Even my main schtick—the threat of public exposure and personal penalty—has become old. Yeah yeah, I have to tell everyone how much I weigh. Yeah yeah, I have to give someone something.

Pfff.

I need something different to motivate me. Something exciting. Something different. Something dramatic.

Something, if it comes down to it, completely harebrained and ridiculous.

I need a stunt diet.

My New Diet

As I was reading blogs and thinking about my dietary funk, I was eating a Dannon Light ‘n Fit yogurt (which I have mentioned before). I took a look at the nutritional information: 60 calories. I did some quick math (which I did not need a calculator for): I’d have to eat 30 of these things in a day to get even 1800 calories. Idly, I wondered if that would even be possible.

And then my wonder turned into something not-so-idle.

Two minutes later, I had figured out my new diet.

• Monday (today): Nothing but Light ‘n Fit yogurt. As many as I want / can stand. There are currently twenty in the fridge—my wife is not happy about this—but I’ll go out for more later if I need to.
• Tuesday: Nothing but Clif Bars. Limit of 2400 calories. I give myself this limit because I can easily imagine eating eighteen Clif Bars in a day.
• Wednesday: Nothing but raw fruit. Emphasis on bananas and grapefruit.
• Thursday: Nothing but pasta with marinara sauce.
• Friday: Nothing but chicken.
• Weekends: Eat like a normal person.

Caveats

Of course, the stunt diet has several caveats:

• Breakfast: I still get to start the morning with a bowl of Fiber One. Hey, I’m turning forty in a month, and besides, I’m not exactly doing my stomach a favor here.
• Diet Coke with Lime: I plan to drink it endlessly.
• Water: I will drink a half gallon of water each day, in addition to any water I drink while on the bike.
• On-Bike Food: I get to pack and eat a Clif Bar on any ride longer than 35 miles.

My Expectation

I think I’m going to lose four pounds this week, and will be so excited I’ll do it again next week. This diet is going to work so well for me, in fact, that I’ll hit my goal of 155 well before the Leadville 100. Soon, you’ll all be secretly considering this diet yourselves, based on the unbelievable results I have achieved. Eventually, it will become a craze, I’ll write a popular diet book, and will become fabulously wealthy. I will still write this blog, but will charge $19.99 / month for a subscription.

The Stunt Diet™—for I now choose to capitalize it and put a trademark symbol after it—is going to be huge. Just you wait and see.

Today’s Weight: 170.4

I’ve had a tough time sticking to a diet lately. While I have motivation a-plenty (two major races and the likelihood of giving up a bike if I don’t get started), I’m not losing weight. And it’s not like I don’t know how to lose weight. I know exactly what to do to get results. I’m just not doing it.

Dieting has become too…ordinary. Too dull. Reduce the fat, keep the calories down, eat a lot of fruits, vegetables and whole grains, drink lots of water, blah blah blah blah blah.

Even my main schtick—the threat of public exposure and personal penalty—has become old. Yeah yeah, I have to tell everyone how much I weigh. Yeah yeah, I have to give someone something.

Pfff.

I need something different to motivate me. Something exciting. Something different. Something dramatic.

Something, if it comes down to it, completely harebrained and ridiculous.

I need a stunt diet.

My New Diet
As I was reading blogs and thinking about my dietary funk, I was eating a Dannon Light ‘n Fit yogurt (which I have mentioned before). I took a look at the nutritional information: 60 calories. I did some quick math (which I did not need a calculator for): I’d have to eat 30 of these things in a day to get even 1800 calories. Idly, I wondered if that would even be possible.

And then my wonder turned into something not-so-idle.

Two minutes later, I had figured out my new diet.

• Monday (today): Nothing but Light ‘n Fit yogurt. As many as I want / can stand. There are currently twenty in the fridge—my wife is not happy about this—but I’ll go out for more later if I need to.
• Tuesday: Nothing but Clif Bars. Limit of 2400 calories. I give myself this limit because I can easily imagine eating eighteen Clif Bars in a day.
• Wednesday: Nothing but raw fruit. Emphasis on bananas and grapefruit.
• Thursday: Nothing but pasta with marinara sauce.
• Friday: Nothing but chicken.
• Weekends: Eat like a normal person.

Caveats
Of course, the stunt diet has several caveats:

• Breakfast: I still get to start the morning with a bowl of Fiber One. Hey, I’m turning forty in a month, and besides, I’m not exactly doing my stomach a favor here.
• Diet Coke with Lime: I plan to drink it endlessly.
• Water: I will drink a half gallon of water each day, in addition to any water I drink while on the bike.
• On-Bike Food: I get to pack and eat a Clif Bar on any ride longer than 35 miles.

My Expectation
I think I’m going to lose four pounds this week, and will be so excited I’ll do it again next week. This diet is going to work so well for me, in fact, that I’ll hit my goal of 155 well before the Leadville 100. Soon, you’ll all be secretly considering this diet yourselves, based on the unbelievable results I have achieved. Eventually, it will become a craze, I’ll write a popular diet book, and will become fabulously wealthy. I will still write this blog, but will charge $19.99 / month for a subscription.

The Stunt Diet™—for I now choose to capitalize it and put a trademark symbol after it—is going to be huge. Just you wait and see.

Technically, I should never have ridden with Bob (no, not this Bob). I wasn’t even going in the same direction as he. We should have never crossed paths, much less ridden together.

Here’s what happened.

I was riding along 202 on my fixie—oh, how I love the Pista—planning to ride up to Snoqualmie Falls, then maybe continue on. Just see where the road takes me.

Then, as I went by Ames Lake Road, I looked to my left and saw another cyclist heading away.

“I know,” I thought to myself as I went by, “I’ll use him as a rabbit. It’ll be fun to catch someone while on my fixie.”

So I turned turned around, turned on to Ames Lake Road, and started cranking hard. It’s a twisty road, so I could no longer see him. I pushed hard, though, and before long could catch glimpses on the straightaway.

There was just one problem. Even though I was close to redline, I still wasn’t catching him. He was successfully holding me off, without even knowing I was there.

And then, fortune smiled on me. He pulled over to the side of the road.

“A flat,” I thought, and figured I’d offer him a tube or whatever he needed to get rolling again.

But no. As I got closer, I could see: he was just taking a call. So I nodded as I went by, trying to look casual. Then, as soon as I got past, I cranked it up again. Now I was the rabbit. I figured, though, that just as he had held me off, I should be able to hold him off.

I was not able to hold him off.

Conversational Tactics

“Is that a fixed gear bike?” Bob asked.

“Yes,” I said, proudly.

“You doing that for any reason?” Bob asked. This, of course, was a trick question. If I replied that I was doing it because I wanted to become a stronger rider with a smoother cadence, Bob would know that I was a serious rider, which would make his victory over me that much sweeter (for him, not for me).

“Nah, no reason,” I said. “I bought it because I wanted to try track racing, but it turns out that I just really love riding a fixed-gear bike. So I’m just cruising along.”

“Cool,” said Bob. “I’m doing a recovery ride today after a big sufferfest I did last weekend. Some friends and I did a 300-mile ride. Mind if I tool along with you?”

“Sounds great,” I said, backing my effort off ever-so-slightly, to prevent my heart from exploding.

We were on an empty country road, so we rode side-by-side. This meant conversation, and a chance for me to gain an oxygen advantage, by doing the following:

• Ask short questions that require long answers. “So, tell me about this big ride you did last weekend. Don’t leave out any details.”
• Parry questions back to the questioner. “Sure, I’m following the Giro whenever I get a moment, but I haven’t been able to track it for a few days. What’s been happening?”
• Play deaf. “You know, cars keep passing. Could you repeat everything you’ve said in the past 90 seconds?”

Riding Strategy

Since we had both identified that we were not going hard today, you would think that we wouldn’t have to go hard. However, the statement, “I’m taking it easy today” is really nothing more than a thinly-veiled offer to race. Here’s how I managed to stay with Bob:

• Half-wheel him. Drop behind just a little bit and catch a little draft, even though I’m technically riding beside him.
• Take advantage of quick dips. The nice thing about the ride we were on is that it rolls. Lots of quick ups and downs. A fixed gear bike is perfect for converting a quick downhill into a short blast of uphill power.
• When you’re about to blow, bow out. After about forty minutes of riding at what I would call a brutal pace and what he called a recover ride, I knew I was going to crack. I preferred this to be a private moment. So when we crossed highway 202 and he looked like he was going to go straight up to Issaquah-Fall City road, I turned right. “Good riding with you,” I said, and then really turned the cranks hard for 30 seconds as I went down highway 202.

And then, once I was sure he was out of sight, I felt free to softpedal the whole way home.

PS: Clearly, I’m not writing as often as usual right now. With a new job keeping me very busy and a move coming up two weeks from today, my choice is often to ride or write—but not both. Sometimes (OK, pretty often), I’m going to choose riding. I’m sure you understand, because you are a good, understanding, kind person. You’re like Jimmy Stewart. And because you are so kind, I want to assure you: I’m not letting this blog die a slow death; I’m not quitting. I’m just stretched a little thin right now. Metaphorically, alas.

PPS: With a move, a new job, a big project in that job, working at home, a conference coming up for my job, a lot of travel in my job and whatnot, I know that there’s no humanly possible way I’m going to lose ten pounds by June 25 (the day of the Cascade Cream Puff). I’m going to concentrate on not gaining a bunch of weight and on being in good enough shape to complete it, and once I’ve settled into my new house, work on losing the fifteen pounds I need to get that sub-9 at Leadville. And here’s my pledge: If I don’t get to 155 pounds by August 12, I will give away my beloved Bianchi Pista.

PPPS: Next week, I’m going to have some cool stuff to announce, which will likely mean cool stuff to give away. Unless it falls through, in which case I will pretend I never hinted at anything here.

PPPPS: I just now signed up to ride the LOTOJA with Dug and Rick S. That was dumb.