I Do Not Want To Give You This Bike

07.25.2006 | 6:31 am

First off, welcome to those of you who found me via MSN’s “What’s Your Story?” page. It’s nice to have you here.

Now, whether you’re here for the first time or are one of the people who regularly contribute to what everyone knows is the best part my blog—the comments—you’ve picked a good day to come to this site. Because today I’m announcing the Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah / Fat Cyclist Cervélo Soloist Giveaway.

Yes, that’s right. The Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah has given me a dream bike (pictured below) to give away on my blog.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate into a bag for a few minutes.

OK, I’m better now.


Why Am I So Excited About Giving Away This Bike?

Those of you who are bike geeks already know what a big deal it is for me to be giving away a Soloist. It’s a dream bike. For the rest of you, let me do my best to explain, while hopefully not sounding like some hoity-toity elitist bike snob.

It all comes down to this: most people in the world never find out how great riding a bike can be. That’s because most bikes in the world are heavy, steer poorly, shift erratically, and brake unconvincingly.

It’s like everyone’s basing their impression of what driving a car is like based on having ridden in a Yugo, even though if they stretched just a little, they could be driving a brand new Lexus.

What I’m getting at is this: If you’ve never had a great road ride, the bike I’m giving away will change the way you see bicycles. It is light, fast, and sexy as all get-out.

Check me out: I’m Mr. Hyperbole today.


So How Do You Win The Bike?

Just click here and fill out the form. At the end of the Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah (August 12), we’ll pick an entry at random. That’s all there is to it. Specifically:

  • You don’t have to give up the names and addresses of your friends for us to spam.
  • You don’t have to embark on a pyramid scheme where you must get your friends to buy bushel after bushel of concentrated detergent, and you must also buy lots of that same detergent, and I get very rich from everyone having more soap than they can use in three lifetimes.
  • You don’t have to buy anything. In fact, there’s nothing to buy even if you want. Although if you really want to buy something, let me know and I’ll sell you an open container of Apple-Flavored Cytomax I don’t think I’ll ever make my way through. That stuff’s gross.

And What Will the Tour of Utah Guys Do With Your Name and Contact Info?

They’ll probably email you next year about the Tour of Utah. Pretty nefarious, eh? Go enter, already.



PS: I’m just kidding about selling the Cytomax. I don’t have any to sell. I wasn’t kidding about it being gross, though.


  1. Comment by Elizabeth Larene | 07.25.2006 | 8:08 am

    Just dropping in to say congratulations on being featured this week on "What’s Your Story"

  2. Comment by Andrew | 07.25.2006 | 10:23 am

    I was a little surprised there wasn’t a "who sent you here?" box on the registration form, but I guess they can figure it out. I could really use that bike. In two minutes I got to get off my ever-enlarging butt and bike six grueling miles of flat pavement into work, on a mountain bike with slicks. Brutal.

  3. Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 07.25.2006 | 10:26 am

    If I won this bike what would I do with mongrel hybrid fixie and its ensemble of Sugino, Cinelli, Suntour, Galli, Look, Mavic, 3ttt, Dia-compe, Columbus and Selle Italia?

  4. Comment by Cassie | 07.25.2006 | 10:40 am

    Wow, that is really nice of you to give away a bike on your blog! I just LOVE getting anything free, but I guess I will pass and maybe a real bike enthusiast will win it. I would like to have a girly bike with a basket. hehe I just moved to Germany and everyone rides around town on bikes. I’m holding out for one that calls to me. Haven’t found it yet.
    Enjoyed your site!

  5. Comment by Unknown | 07.25.2006 | 1:36 pm

    I hope Botched wins the bike – or me.

  6. Comment by regina | 07.25.2006 | 1:42 pm

    ok so they told you they will not spam people but in the contest rules it clearly states they will retain the entrants information and the entrant authorizes future contacts for promotions, spam. that sounds like you name comes off the do not call list for them.  I want that bike but i like my name on the do not call list, it only half works now, I would not want to make it any worse, mostly I am mad they lied to you. your so nice, they are bad to lie to you.

  7. Comment by Ariane | 07.25.2006 | 2:21 pm

    So here’s the deal. I don’t care if they DO spam me. If they gave me that bike, I’d leave my front door unlocked so that they could sneak in and wake me up every morning at five-thirty with a bull horn three feet from my face blasting their adverts.

  8. Comment by Random Reviewer | 07.25.2006 | 3:04 pm

    I tried to enter, but I couldn’t find anything like a Submit button. I feel stupid. I hate you, Fat Cyclist.

  9. Comment by uncadan8 | 07.25.2006 | 3:18 pm

    I hope my entry went in. I entered my information, clicked on Read the Rules, hit the submit button, and it pretty much did nothing. So anyway, like Boz said, I hope Botched wins the bike. If I win it, I will send it to you, buddy. What size do you need? Seriously.

  10. Comment by Rozee | 07.25.2006 | 3:59 pm

    Again, the Canadians get screwed!  Why can’t we play???

  11. Comment by Tyler | 07.25.2006 | 4:26 pm

    Gee, I sure would like to win a Soloist.
    I sure wish I could register to win it without simply getting a barage of frontpage errors.

  12. Comment by Unknown | 07.25.2006 | 4:33 pm

    I’ll go one better and make sure everyone with a chance of winning this bike is missing a front door – what’s more, I’ll provide the bullhorn and the ad copy. Already a team of elite locksmiths is compiling a list of addresses. The Soloist must be … what’s the appropriate sexist metaphor … the Monica Bellucci of road bikes. (Although Monica’s never actually been tested in a wind tunnel; most Canadian actresses have been, of course) The Soloist is the Catherine O’Hara of road bikes. Without a doubt.

  13. Comment by Unknown | 07.25.2006 | 4:33 pm

    geez man , you try and do something nice and holy cow-patty a barrage of… well, my sympathies bro.
    maybe this means that the one person who truly deserves this bike will win it.    or not.

  14. Comment by Unknown | 07.25.2006 | 5:22 pm

    Bob, you the man.
    Boz, if I win the bike, you can ride it any time. Same for you uncadan.
    Fatty, if I win the bike, you can’t ride it at all. You’re too hard on bikes.

  15. Comment by Unknown | 07.25.2006 | 5:33 pm

    Fatty, nice job on offering such a cool prize.  Also, cool Fat Cyclist logo.  Is there a jersey in the works? For a Cervelo bike, I think in order to enter the contest, the requirement should be to ride (and finish) the course for stage 6 of the Tour of Utah. 

  16. Comment by Jill | 07.25.2006 | 5:53 pm

    I was a little bummed when I found out the Tour of Utah giveaway was only open to those in the lower 48, not us castaways in the "outer 2." I would have loved to see a great road race in my home state.

    But I love you’re new logo. I’m increasingly envious of whoever thought it up – they definitely deserve that sweet bike. Maybe one of these days you and the folks at Tour of Utah can sponsor a logo contest.

  17. Comment by Susie | 07.25.2006 | 7:14 pm

    How many times can we enter?  Will this play a factor in deciding for or against us??
    I have entered.  I have a 2 wonderful bikes that I love riding and meet my immediate purposes but as I have learned here, you can’t have to many bikes.  I would give one of my bikes away to a needy young girl that is trying to save enough money to buy herself a bike, if I won this new bike.  Having written that down, I just realized how hard that would be to actually do.  Give away one of my bikes.  Maybe she won’t read this and won’t know I intended to do it.
    Anyway, I hope I am randomly picked.

  18. Comment by Jacy | 07.25.2006 | 7:21 pm

    Awesome space you have! Wish I was a good cyclist…I think I might need to just stick with running though! However, I love reading about your biking ventures!

  19. Comment by mhywan | 07.25.2006 | 7:59 pm

    :-( shut out in Canada…

  20. Comment by Unknown | 07.25.2006 | 10:06 pm

    ahhhh….   <drool coming out of mouth>  If I had that
    bike I KNOW my climbing ability would improve – It’s getting a bit
    embarassing to be passed on the way up and then to catch up and pass
    everyone on the way down – it must be the heavy steel contraption I
    pedal all over the place (couldn’t be that I’m out of shape… 

  21. Comment by Shawn | 07.25.2006 | 10:59 pm

    Dude!  This thing doesn’t even have pedals! No wonder you’re giving it away….B-)….

  22. Comment by Shawn | 07.25.2006 | 11:00 pm

    dude!  this thing doesn’t even have pedals!  No wonder you’re giving it away…B-)…

  23. Comment by Paul | 07.25.2006 | 11:56 pm

    Well… due to the pot holes here in Minnesota I’d prefer the R3… but I guess I’ll sign up for the lowly soloist. :-P

    Thanks for posting the contest!

  24. Comment by Katie | 07.25.2006 | 11:59 pm

    Poor Australians. We always miss out on competitions. No-one loves us. :(
    Now I’m actually going to have to BUY a bike…

  25. Comment by david | 07.26.2006 | 1:28 am

    I’m in, even though the bike won’t fit me, and I want a granny cog, and a mirror, and a flashing tail light, and a back rack so I can carry a bunch of stuff, and I’m going to switch out the head set, and the seat.

  26. Comment by Andrew | 07.26.2006 | 1:34 am

    Instead of a random giveaway perhaps you should have had a ‘queen for a day’ (for those of you old enough to remember that wretched show) style begfest. The one with the most compelling but least nauseating excuse gets the bike.
    Me, I’m just a Fat Old Guy, but I have a lovely daughter who does minimarathons and swam for her high school team. She is a triathelete and doesn’t even realize it. I don’t want the bike for myself, but oh my how I would love to get this bike and give it to my daughter. I can’t afford it (chemotherapy expenses, you know) and it would make her so happy.
    All the above is true except the chemotherapy part. Just replace it with "Cialis" and "Nexium" though and it becomes pretty accurate.

  27. Comment by Elizabeth | 07.26.2006 | 1:57 am

    Congrats on the nod! And as a biking neophyte who is learning the pain, er, I mean JOY of bike riding I’m sure I can appreciate good equipment right about now.  So I’m off to enter my name into the bag… :")

  28. Comment by Unknown | 07.26.2006 | 8:07 am

    What a great story.  This is my first time on Space and it was enjoyable to read such a positive post these days.  I know a little about mountain biking and the state Utah.  I have visited Utah three times a year for work over the past 5 years and loved it!  My husband came with me once as he is a hugh fan of mountain biking and went up into the mountains for a ride.  He too loved it!  The atmosphere was excellent.  Today he rides a Gary Fischer although he has had problems with it since he purchased it.  The frame has already busted into twos and he had to have it replaced.  The bike shop told him he bikes a lot and that’s the wear and tear.  Although he does bike at least 4 times a week I was surprised that it broke in such a way.  He now has a new frame and has replaced/upgraded other parts.  You would almost wonder if he purchased this brand new and he did.  I would love for him to win this bike so he can ride it in his next race.  He races in Canada and in MI. and has even raced in the 24 hours of Adrenaline race twice.  Both times coming in 2nd. place for the three man team.  He highly enjoys mountain biking and loves searching the web on bike parts.  I know that if he won this bike he would cherish it.

  29. Comment by Unknown | 07.26.2006 | 1:37 pm

    It is biles like this that have kept most people away from biking.  Seat 5" higher than the handlebars; sitting on your private parts instead of your rear end; those hard-to-steer handlebars; sore shoulders because your weight is on your hands.   No way.  I like my back without muscle spasms and my girl parts un-bruised thank you very much. 
    It is those silly racing bikes of the 1970’s that ruined biking for the rest of us.  The mountain bikes aren’t much better since you are still riding with your a$$ in the air and your nose to the ground.  And what is with those seats!?  They put a man’s saddle on a woman’s bike  knowing full well that women have wider hips and the seat will fall between the seat bones. 

  30. Comment by Ingrid | 07.26.2006 | 4:03 pm

    um, are you aware that the registration form for this contest does not
    work? sorta lame to hype a big contest when you can’t even register for


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