I’m Surprised My Week in New York Adversely Affected My Weight and Fitness

08.28.2006 | 9:58 pm

I just got back from a week in New York City, which–strangely–is located in New York State. During the week I spent in this unimaginatively-named city, I did not ride a bike at all.

I also did not exercise, except for walking around the city.

I did, however, eat an enormous quantity of food, at a variety of restaurants, bakeries, and streetside vendors.

See, what a lot of people don’t understand is, it’s impolite to turn down food when offered it by coworkers, business associates or airline stewards/esses. So when my coworker and I sailed through the surprisingly short security line at the beginning of the trip and found ourselves with an hour and a half to kill and he suggested we go get ourselves a "real breakfast," what was I to do?

Have a breakfast burrito, that’s what. But I only ate half of the piece of ham that came with it, because it wasn’t really all that good anyway.

And you know how you always get hungry while riding on a plane? Well, I do, anyway. So when the airline stewardess offered me a complimentary snackbox, of course I took it. Oh, and the Sunchips, too. I also took those.

And when my Brooklyn-based sister recommended we go to a famous bakery to get the best cupcakes in the world (they actually were), what was I to do? I mean, she’s skinnier than I am by a mile, and she was eating the cupcakes, so they can’t be that fattening, right?


And then there’s this Greek food street vendor by my hotel; it always had a line a half block long. I asked someone in the line why they were all lined up when there was another identical vendor just around the corner and she said that this vendor was known for making the best giros in the whole world. Everyone around her nodded, yes, this is true. Best in the world. So of course I got in line. How often do you get a chance to have the best of anything in the world?

Yes, it was the best giro in the world.

I could go on. And in fact, I did go on. I repeatedly demonstrated one of my three disturbing talents–the ability to eat much more than you’d think I could–the whole trip. For your information, my other two disturbing talents are:

  • I can make my face turn bright purple at will, although this gives me a headache.
  • I can pull out ten eyelashes at once.

And now, for some reason, I weigh six pounds more today than I did last Monday. I’m sure that’s all water weight from the salty food, right? Because I can’t have possibly gained six pounds in a week, right?


And That’s Not the Only Strange Thing
So last Friday, Rick Sunderlage (not his real name) invited me to join him and a few friends for a Saturday AM ride. Since I’ve been able to beat Rick every time we’ve ridden together this year, of course I agreed.

Rick, along with most of the other guys who came on the ride, rode away from me as soon as the ride turned upward. He clobbered me by several minutes.

I don’t know if he was even really trying. I hope he was.

All because I was off the bike for one measly week?


PS: Please take a moment to give Dug words of encouragement and advice. Dug crashed today. He was sprinting against Rick Sunderlage (not his real name) when his chain snapped. Dug fell forward into his handlebars, which turned, so his bike bodyslammed him right into the pavement, hard enough to break Dug’s helmet and a couple ribs, as well as turn his right knee and elbow into hamburger.

Please take a few moments to leave a comment telling Dug how he could have avoided this accident by maintaining his bike better, how he could have prevented injury by remembering to tuck and roll, or any other valuable advice you may care to leave.

If you must, you may also leave words of sympathy. I think this sort of kindness will be wasted on Dug, however.


  1. Comment by William | 08.28.2006 | 10:40 pm

    I have only one thing to say to Dug…Milk it for all it is worth. You now have an excuse for everything you don’t want to do. An excuse to get anything you want from your significant other (if I only had __________ the crash would not have happened). An excuse for getting your butt kicked up the hill, etc. Hope you get better soon!

  2. Comment by Random Reviewer | 08.28.2006 | 10:58 pm

    Dug, when you have broken ribs, the one thing you want to do is avoid laughing. It hurts enough to make you want to cry. So here’s a test:
    Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."

  3. Comment by Unknown | 08.28.2006 | 11:03 pm

    You know dug, if you had done proper preventitive maintenace to your bike the chain would not have snapped. You would have noticed the weakness in the metal and corrected it before trying to use that bike again. 
    At least you’ll be able to pretend that you’re a kid again as you pick at the scabs.

  4. Comment by Born4Lycra | 08.28.2006 | 11:37 pm

    As long as you were in front when it happened then it is all worthwhile - You were in front weren’t you?

  5. Comment by Unknown | 08.28.2006 | 11:50 pm

    And the taint?  What about the taint?

  6. Comment by Unknown | 08.29.2006 | 12:04 am

    First, Dug, my sympathies on your little mishap.  I hope you are on the mend and back on the bike soon.  I’ll not add insult to injury by saying Fatty told you so.
    FC-  Yes, it is totally possible to gain six pound in NYC in one week.  I’ve done it in three days.  I bested that this year on a cruise to Bermuda.  No bike for eight days=7.5 pounds.  Funny thing, I did do other forms of exercise  Yeah, okay, I was practicing for the Olympic Eating Pentathalon.  That’s exercise, isn’t it?

  7. Comment by Jsun | 08.29.2006 | 1:02 am

    ha ha, I am taking delight in the misfortunes of others, ha ha ha——
    Dug-that must have taken some work to get that chain to snap,  way to make your Lotoja excuse look legit;
    and FC you don’t have new york for an excuse to eat like pig, mmm, giros from a street vendor~~~

  8. Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 08.29.2006 | 1:42 am

    Nice work fatty on becoming a fatty.  It’s holidays like yours that make me happy I can’t afford to travel to the end of my driveway.
    dug – You should be so happy you smashed your arm, leg, ribs and helmet.  With that kind of mechanical failure, you could very easily have lost that loving feeling.  So you saved your family jewels in the crash and you’ve also saved your family jewels from the Lotoja torture test.  You are wise beyond your years.

  9. Comment by Unknown | 08.29.2006 | 2:23 am

    Here’s the thing.  When you ride w/ Elden, there are two possible outcomes.  Neither of which are good.  If you beat him on the climb, it’s not that impressive to brag about beating the Fat Cyclist to the top.  If he beats you, you can pretty much bet that he will tell a million people about it the next day. 
    The last words I heard before Dug went down were…."It’s on".  Once on the ground, Dug had the wind knocked out of him (not to mention the broken ribs) and managed to make the most disturbing sounds I’ve ever heard.  I was less concerned about Dug’s well being and more concerned that the mountain lions would start to close in on us.  
    Get better.  We need you for Lotoja in 2 weeks.
    Rick Sunderlage (not my real name)

  10. Comment by Sue | 08.29.2006 | 4:29 am

    A pound of fat is 3,000 calories. Were people near you afraid? 
    P.S. dug, I’ve heard that the ribs actually restrict airflow by acting as a physical barrier to lung expantion. By breaking a bunch of them, you should have opened up your lung capacity. Whaddya think.
    P.P.S. dug, can I pretend to be you and start Lotoja in your place? My wife is due to have a baby that day, so I’ll need you to stick around in case you need to "coach" her while she squeezes one out.

  11. Comment by Tom Stormcrowe | 08.29.2006 | 10:21 am

    Snapped a chain, huh? OUCH! Your poor bike! Did it get banged up?

  12. Comment by Unknown | 08.29.2006 | 2:21 pm

    You can tell it’s a cyclist when they spell gyro with an (i) or was the street vendor making helmets for everyone?…

  13. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 08.29.2006 | 3:33 pm

    You know, I’m a little bit disappointed that nobody has remarked on my talent of turning purple-faced. I expected someone to demand to see a photographic progression of this talent, and was prepared to provide it.

  14. Comment by STACEY | 08.29.2006 | 4:33 pm


  15. Comment by STACEY | 08.29.2006 | 4:35 pm

    wow.  Comments is all screwed up.
    Anyway, as I was about to say/type, I’m sorry to hear about Dug’s crash.  But seriously, if he was that worried about the lovin’ feeling, I think I know of someone who would have ridden Lotoja in his stead…

  16. Comment by uncadan8 | 08.30.2006 | 1:57 am

    Okay, I’ll bite. Can we see proof of said purple-face? Maybe it should get reviewed over at RR.
    Jeez, dug, the things people will do to avoid several thousand feet of climbing in a scary long climb. Yeah, I am going to sign up for 2007. I think it ought to be enough motivation to lose the remaining 80 or so pounds I’ve been dragging around. Get better soon, dude.

  17. Comment by Tyler | 08.30.2006 | 4:29 pm

    WTF, is this crashweek?  Everybody’s crashing, and I’m desperately searching for some wood that isn’t laminate and particle board to knock on, because I don’t think that counts.
    Heal up, duggy!  And maintain your g-d bike! 


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