New Thing

09.17.2007 | 8:18 pm

I think I mentioned — in passing, in the comments section — a couple of days ago that I have something new coming up.

Well, now I can say what it is without fear of jinxing myself: I’ve got a weekly column at Click here to go to my first installment. And, if you feel like leaving a comment at the bottom of the article — yep, has comments enabled — that would be very cool of you. I’d like the BikeRadar folks to know that they pick up a pretty engaged and interesting bunch of people by having me write for them.

I’m writing for BikeRadar because I think they’ve got themselves a good site, they’re interested in doing things a little bit new and different, and because they asked me to.

Plus, they pay me a huge amount of money. Your eyes would totally bulge out if you knew how rich I am now. I just paid off the house, after writing this one article. Next, I’m going to fill my swimming pool (which I need to have made) with Nutella.

How Will This Change the Blog?
Not at all, except for maybe I’ll start acting kind of snobby and dismissive of everyone now. I mean, more than I used to before.


  1. Comment by JC | 09.17.2007 | 8:23 pm

    Great work Fatty, good to see that more than your adoring fans think you’re a great writer :)

  2. Comment by dawn | 09.17.2007 | 8:29 pm

    Mmmmmm…..Nutella….chocolately hazelnutty goodness straight from the jar…wait, did you say something about a new job? Grats on the new writing gig Fatty!

  3. Comment by dawn | 09.17.2007 | 8:30 pm

    Mmmmmm…..Nutella….chocolatey hazelnutty goodness straight from the jar…wait, did you say something about a new job? Grats on the new writing gig Fatty!

  4. Comment by Chris | 09.17.2007 | 9:25 pm

    I hate to nit-pick, but… maybe ask the bikeradar folks to:
    1) create an RSS feed for your column :)
    2) add some margin to the left/right of the page (it sits right on the edge of the browser)
    3) buy you more nutella (and some bread to put it on)

    thanks, nice article as well.


  5. Comment by T1mm0 | 09.17.2007 | 10:39 pm

    I 2nd Chris… Where’s their RSS feed?

  6. Comment by Philthy in Oz | 09.17.2007 | 11:12 pm

    I’m pretty sure BikeRadar is a pommy (UK) website so:
    Only proper spelling i.e. no “zeds” in “…iSation” “Colour” is spelt with a “u” and “Aluminium” has two “i”s in it.

    Oh and also write with an English accent and in a condescending manner.
    And best if you avoid any references to Maggie Thatcher ;-)

  7. Comment by Logan | 09.17.2007 | 11:18 pm

    Funny stuff, congrats.

  8. Comment by In Oz during the Bush years | 09.17.2007 | 11:23 pm

    Nice work! Have you ever thought about riding internationally? With the big paycheck it maybe the next step.

  9. Comment by Ian Hopper | 09.18.2007 | 12:58 am

    I popped the comment cherry on BikeRadar… good stuff. I finally got to be first… YEAH! ;)

    Seriously though, are they really paying you in greenbacks? I think they’re really just paying you in Nutella… though I thought that was a Australian product… wait, aren’t you still on your diet? No Nutella for you!

    So here’s the real question: how the heck are you going to come up with new material every week (in addition to what you write here?)… I guess you could cross post, though they probably want exclusive content….

  10. Comment by eliel | 09.18.2007 | 1:37 am

    First, a featured pink jersey cover in Bicycling, and now a writing job at Bikeradar. Congrats Fatty!

    I read this blog daily and I subscribe to only two magazines, Bicycling and BikeRadar’s “Procycling”. Is that a pleasant coincidence?

  11. Comment by mocougfan | 09.18.2007 | 3:21 am


    Can I borrow 10 bucks?

  12. Comment by joe | 09.18.2007 | 4:12 am

    hmmm, no RSS feed at bikeradar?
    sorry, won’t read it. unless you link to every column you do on this blog

  13. Comment by cheapie | 09.18.2007 | 4:34 am

    i think i found an error.

    “Naturally, then, the bike your opponent – that is, the person you’re passing – is a crucial factor in your score:”

    is there something missing in this sentence? as in, “naturally, then, the bike your opponent – that…passing IS RIDING is a crucial factor in your score.”


  14. Comment by TG | 09.18.2007 | 4:40 am

    Wow, this is great, Fatty! I can say I knew you when!

  15. Comment by Boz | 09.18.2007 | 4:51 am

    I agree, get them to put in a margin. My only complaint. Thanks for your consideration in this matter. Keep up the good work and all that other stuff you do.

  16. Comment by Big Boned | 09.18.2007 | 5:36 am

    Nice work fatty, when do you start spreading some of the loot out to your fans and supporters? Even politicians know they got to “give a little back”…

  17. Comment by pipebaum | 09.18.2007 | 5:51 am

    You’re new British friends need a little help figuring out how to make the next button go to the second page of comments. I guess this means that none of their previous articles had more than five comments. Way to go, finding bugs through popularity.

  18. Comment by Philly Jen | 09.18.2007 | 5:59 am

    Go, Fatty!

    The way the almighty dollar is tanking, I sure hope they’re paying you in Pound Sterling. Or Pounds of Nutella. (European Nutella, that is, not the partially hydrogenated pretender that is American Nutella.)

    P.S. Ian, it’s Vegemite that’s from Oz, Marmite from the UK. Nutella’s from the land of gelato, prosecco, and the Maglia Rosa. Yum!

  19. Comment by AMG in Texas | 09.18.2007 | 6:00 am

    Great stuff on the new website Fatty!!! You failed to include the Robbie McEwen salute each time you pass somebody. Does your cadence/odometer have buttons for the scoring??? Perhaps they should consult with you for the Fat Cyclist odometer version.

    But there is a typo…
    “No-Pass: If it turns out that the other guy really was just spinning along and is now happy to ride at your pace and chat, and seems capable of riding at your pace and chatting even though you are at your absolute upper limit, and continues doing so until you explode and collapse in a quivering mass on the road, set your score back to -25, for you have just been totally pwned.”

    Did you notice pwned???

    Is that some sort of richochet sound from a Wille E. Coyote cartoon???

    One thing about those guys at the new site…. they require you to register before you can comment over there. Just another revenue generating thing by them to sell our email address to spammers. I will give them my email address on the site so they can overload your email system ;-)

    Best wishes for Susan (we still haven’t forgotten you:-)

  20. Comment by Bitter (Lissee) | 09.18.2007 | 6:20 am

    Awesome, I’m going to go read right now. :)

  21. Comment by chtrich | 09.18.2007 | 6:52 am


    Can I have the $15 bucks you owe me?

  22. Comment by mocougfan | 09.18.2007 | 7:00 am



  23. Comment by MAJ Mike | 09.18.2007 | 7:09 am

    I don’t care about the column or the money. I just want to swim in the nutella. I don’t even go for nutella that much – mean, it’s good and all, it just isn’t the first thing I ask for. I just want to be able to go to parties and say things like “oh yeah, well I once swam in a pool filled with nutella.”

  24. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 09.18.2007 | 7:13 am

    I can’t access the second page of comments on bike radar. . .

  25. Comment by AMG in Texas | 09.18.2007 | 7:36 am

    The Chupacabra exists!!! Here is the link to one found in south texas:

  26. Comment by Mike Roadie | 09.18.2007 | 7:47 am

    Well done….make us proud!

    Totally have to echo what Chris said at the top…..some fine tuning needs for BikeRadar…….helpful.


  27. Comment by Mike Roadie | 09.18.2007 | 7:53 am

    Any update on Susan’s results????

    We’re all pulling!!!!!

  28. Comment by Al Maviva | 09.18.2007 | 8:25 am

    A Major once bragged, a capella,
    That he swam in pool of Nutella.
    He disliked the taste,
    And it went to his waste,
    But it impressed this bartender fellah.

    There once was a biker so fat,
    His head didn’t fit in his hat.
    Like the great prophet Amos,
    He wrote, and was famous,
    But it still didn’t fix the problem he had with his great swollen head not fitting into his helmets and crushing his pillows and all.

    Congrats Fatty. As for you, Major, seek professional help.

  29. Comment by KT | 09.18.2007 | 8:30 am

    Oo! Here’s an idea: let us edit your column, so those pesky errors people are pointing out get fixed before the rest of the world sees it. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

    Pwned: Owned, in “leet speak”. Yes, I’m a geek, or at least am related to two or three geeks. Educated geeks, though.

    Fatty: great job on the new gig! Looking forward to having more things to take me away from doing actual work!

  30. Comment by MAJ Mike | 09.18.2007 | 8:31 am

    What if this was the result of professional help? Hmmmmmm?

  31. Comment by cheapie | 09.18.2007 | 8:35 am

    oh dear AMG in Texas, you have just shown your age.

    pwned is correct:

  32. Comment by mocougfan | 09.18.2007 | 8:49 am

    Al. You are a genius. Short and sweet. Just the way I like it. Truly Hellarious.

  33. Comment by Orbea Girl | 09.18.2007 | 8:56 am

    Fatty, your article is the best thing on the Bike Radar site – very amusing. However. using your scoring system I’m never, ever going to have a positive score. Can’t I just count the few I manage to overtake and ignore the hundreds and thousands that overtake me?

  34. Comment by bikemike | 09.18.2007 | 9:07 am

    let me hold a case of quarters.

  35. Comment by El Animal | 09.18.2007 | 9:13 am

    The comments are not working properly, you need to refer them to a “good” comments website,

  36. Comment by | 09.18.2007 | 9:27 am

    Congratulations, yet again, FC! Throwing love at you from the Northeast!

    Fat Cyclist gets deal to write for well known cycling website

  37. Comment by Marrock | 09.18.2007 | 9:42 am

    Many congrats on the new gig.

    And if you can figure out a way to keep the nutella from clogging the pool filter, please let us know, I once had a problem with a hot tub and some chocolate pudding that I wont go into detail about here.

    By the way, one for the brainbucket fans:

  38. Comment by Al Maviva | 09.18.2007 | 10:04 am

    OrbeaGirl, you definitely need to work on your saddlebags if guys are passing you without slowing down to check out the swoopy curves.

    I’m talking about the bike, not you. Orbeas have the most amazing hindquarters of any bike I’ve ever seen, rivalled only by Pinarellos. I can only assume you have them covered up with saddlebags, if people are shooting past you. As for your own seatstays… well, I have no opinion at this point. If you can email me some pictures, maybe I could offer some advice. Thanks in advance.


  39. Comment by fatty | 09.18.2007 | 10:38 am

    everyone having trouble with the comments – yeah, i noticed the problem too and notified bikeradar of it. basically, it’s putting an extra slash in front of the question mark toward the end of the URL. if you manually delete that extra slash, the next comments page loads properly.

  40. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.18.2007 | 10:44 am

    Nice, Fatty!

    Sheesh, KT – leet? My kids write that, but I do not want to understand it for fear I will find out what they are up to. I thought pwned was a term from used car classifieds.

  41. Comment by Orbea Girl | 09.18.2007 | 10:47 am

    Al Maviva: No saddle bags and you’re right the bike (Orbea Diva) does have great lines. In truth Frenchmen rarely shoot straight past. They generally slow down, offer me a few words of encouragement, smile and flirt outrageously before zooming on past me up the incline.

    Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures I can email to you. So I’ll have to take a rain check on the advice.

  42. Comment by cheapie | 09.18.2007 | 11:31 am

    actually, it’s l33t.


  43. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.18.2007 | 11:46 am

    yes, of course it’s l33t. I am embarassed to say my home wireless network seems to have that as a password.

  44. Comment by KP | 09.18.2007 | 1:01 pm

    FC, my post on bikeradar disappeared, will continue investigating. In the mean time, have you contacted Garmin and Polar about incorporating your scorecard into their bike computers? What could be better than showing up to the next core group ride with a printout of uploaded and graphed info detailing exactly where and when you passed one of the riders from your group? I’m just thinkin’ outloud here…

  45. Comment by Weean | 09.18.2007 | 1:01 pm

    Wait a minute, isn’t Nutella a Nestle product? That would make it from the land of the cuckoo clock & Nazi gold.

  46. Comment by Weean | 09.18.2007 | 1:02 pm

    And luxury bodies!

  47. Pingback by » Links Of The Day: 18 September 2007 | 09.18.2007 | 1:45 pm

    [...] New Thing [...]

  48. Comment by axel | 09.18.2007 | 2:32 pm

    nutella is a ferrero product. From Italy, the land of the giro, passo stelvio, espresso, chianti, spaghetti, mozzarella, prosciutto, campagnolo, colnago…

    Nutella®, in its original form, was first created in the
    1940s by Mr. Pietro Ferrero, a pastry maker and
    founder of the Ferrero company. At the time, cocoa
    was in short supply because of rationing due to
    World War II, so chocolate was very limited.

    So Mr. Ferrero used hazelnuts, which are plentiful
    in the Piedmont region of Italy (northwest), to extend the
    chocolate supply. …


  49. Comment by Walter | 09.18.2007 | 2:42 pm

    Congrats on the new gig (and endless supply of nutella). Sending good vibes, thoughts & prayers your way for tomorrow…

  50. Comment by Anonymous | 09.18.2007 | 3:57 pm

    Congrats! You deserve it. We all knew we were on to something good when we kept coming back for more.

  51. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 09.18.2007 | 3:58 pm

    That’s a fantastic article. When the first royalty cheque arrives you’ll be able to put a down payment on that new set of cleats you’ve been eyeing off.

  52. Comment by | 09.18.2007 | 4:37 pm

    Sweet… everyone to Clydesteve’s place to steal internet!!
    *is it just me or has this gone sadly off subject?!

  53. Comment by joliver3 | 09.18.2007 | 4:40 pm

    Great, another site I’ll have to start reading on a regular basis. Congrats on the new gig! But most importantly — finally I have a good excuse for not shaving my legs!

    Best wishes to all of the FC family while you wait for Susan’s latest results. Hope you all enjoyed her birthday!

  54. Comment by Brie | 09.18.2007 | 6:40 pm

    Nice article Fatty – well done.
    For the others (in case a post was up earlier) yes Vegemite is from Oz…and no I don’t eat it anymore, despite there being photographic evidence as a child….ugh brewers yeast. Marmite is the UK version – and the only decent Cadbury chocolate is from down under too! We don’t serve Fosters in pubs here either!

  55. Comment by eliel | 09.18.2007 | 7:17 pm

    My guess is that Fatty thinks that a nutella pool can improve his swimming. And since the big bucks are coming, he won’t just stop there. We will soon find him with a nutella-gel-flow selle italia bike saddle to improve his biking and a nutella gel shoes to improve his running.

    Then we shall find that the almighty dollar/pound has corrupted his soul, by turning him into *gasp* a triathlete! :-)

  56. Comment by Rachel | 09.18.2007 | 8:39 pm

    I love that Wikipedia notes “pwned”, a term Fatty is clearly comfortable with, ” was one of 16 to appear on the 2006 ‘List of Words and Phrases Banished from the Queen’s English for Misuse, Overuse and General Uselessness.’”

    So much for uselessness, since it landed you a new gig.

  57. Comment by cheapie | 09.19.2007 | 4:56 am

    isn’t it time for Susan’s results yet? we’re all pulling for some good news!!!!

  58. Comment by Harp | 09.19.2007 | 5:22 am

    Nice article. Love the point system.

  59. Comment by Lowrydr | 09.19.2007 | 6:51 am

    Nice write up Fatty, I’ll throw Nutella at you as you pass my Recumbent. And it has everything to do with the extra 40# in my panniers. The passing that is, not the Nutella, although throwing it will lighten my load.

    Best wishes and thoughts to Susan.

  60. Comment by dpcowboy | 09.19.2007 | 9:44 am

    Sent the Hinault picture today. So quit running to your mailbox every hour or so…
    “….start acting kind of snobby and dismissive of everyone now. I mean, more than I used to before.”
    …sooner or later you will get “it”…I am holding out in hope for you!
    Give Susan our best…
    DPCowboy and MyGalSal

  61. Comment by Ian Hopper | 09.22.2007 | 9:51 pm

    Someone (Philly Jen I believe) had a nested link to REAL Nutella (not the american crap) available here in the U.S: has the 750g jars on sale, and it’s the real shite. I’m buying some and doing a taste test.


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