8 Halloween Costumes for Cyclists

10.23.2007 | 5:30 am

A Note from Fatty: Congratulations to KatieA978, who had a story truly worthy enough of the Laser Beams of Death:

I might have used it on the idiot young man who once reached out of his car (passenger) and grabbed my seat whilst I was going up a hill out of the saddle. Luckily I had figured the car was going to do SOMETHING stupid, cause you could hear them coming a mile off. I don’t like gravel rash, and I’ve managed to avoid it most times, but I got it that day, and almost went under the wheel of their car.

Do the Laser Beams of Death come with turbo boosters so I could have caught up to them?? And who is that stupid / drunk at 10am in the morning??!!

Ignorance is irritating, and stupidity is sad, but ignorance + stupidity + evilness of this calibre doesn’t simply justify the Laser Beams of Death, it requires them.

Katie, email me your address and t-shirt size, and I’ll get you your very own Fat Cyclist T-Shirt (yes, even though I’ll have to cough up the postage to send it to Australia).

Another Note from Fatty: Halloween’s coming, which is the chocolatiest holiday of all. In my BikeRadar story today, I give you eight very handy costume ideas. You can read on for a preview of the story, or you can click here to read the whole thing.  By the way, BikeRadar’s comments section is working properly now, so feel free to post your own cycling Halloween costume idea.

8 Halloween Costume Ideas for Cyclists
As a cyclist, you are much, much better equipped for Halloween than the average person. Why? Because you already wear outrageous costumes on a daily basis.

Think about it. Even though you are a (presumably) sane adult, you wear a shirt that would look much more at home on a superhero. You wear shorts that are much, much too tight, as if you were on your way to lead a jazzercize class. You wear a hat that belongs on an alien.

And, to top the whole look off, you wear what sound and look like tap-dancing shoes.

It’s no wonder, then, that cyclists tend to be pretty lazy about dressing up for Halloween parties. Instead of putting time and money into it, you just show up in the outfit you rode to the party in. Hey, why not? A little sweat completes the effect, right?

What you don’t realize, though, is that all your friends, family and co-workers are rolling their eyes at your lack of imagination. “There goes Tim,” they say, “pretending again that his cycling outfit is a Halloween costume.”

It doesn’t have to be that way, my friend.

By spending just a few extra minutes, you can alter your cycling outfit for the evening, making it so you’re not just “a cyclist” at the party, but a very particular sort of cyclist. Simply follow these easy instructions.

Doping Cyclist: Dress up in full pro kit. Use a marker to draw needle tracks up and down one arm. Tie a length of surgical tubing above one elbow and leave a syringe sticking out of your vein. Wheel around an IV tower for the duration of the party. Stuff your jersey pockets with bottles of drugs. When anyone asks what / who you are, respond that you are a professional cyclist. When they ask what all the needles and drugs are for, say you have no idea what they’re talking about. No matter what, do not admit you have any drug-related items on hand.

Click here to continue reading 8 Halloween Costumes for Cyclists at BikeRadar.


  1. Comment by jdannettel | 10.23.2007 | 6:02 am

    So everyday I check this blog what feels like a hundred times to see where you are going to take things for the day. Sometimes I laugh so hard that I don’t think that it is possible to laugh more and other times I hope that Susan is doing okay. Thank you for posting this blog because it rocks.

  2. Comment by leroy | 10.23.2007 | 6:16 am

    FC — Brilliant!

    For roadies, isn’t every day Halloween, but without the candy?

  3. Comment by fletcher_the_dog | 10.23.2007 | 6:34 am

    The Doping Cyclist is awesome! I think I will actually do that for Halloween.

  4. Comment by ohmypolarbear | 10.23.2007 | 6:34 am

    shot blocks aren’t candy?

    maybe someone should tell those two pathletes I passed this morning on my commute…

  5. Comment by DanKMTB | 10.23.2007 | 6:48 am

    Man, I’m going to have to buy my first actual cycling jersey (except for the MTB Patrol jersey, which I probably shouldn’t associate with doping) just for the doping cyclist costume now. I’m doing a Halloween patrol ride this weekend, where the costume would be perfect, but again i don’t think my fellow patrollers would approve, what with all the impressionable younguns. Drats!

    I’d use “the mountain biker” costume but nobody that knows me would notice anything out of the norm.

  6. Comment by Marrock | 10.23.2007 | 7:06 am

    I’ll be wearing my favorite costume, a black t-shirt with orange lettering that reads ‘Halloween Costume”

  7. Comment by chtrich | 10.23.2007 | 7:26 am

    good ideas. :-)

  8. Comment by mark | 10.23.2007 | 7:33 am

    Good ideas, but I would still lose the costume contest to my friend Lisa. She’s undefeated when sporting the French maid costume (if you saw her, you’d know why).

  9. Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 10.23.2007 | 7:41 am

    Nice, very nice! I especially love the stereo-types! I would have to say I think the doping cyclist might be funniest, but I have to admit the Roadie and Mountain are spot on! nice job, Fatty… nice job
    As far as Katie: seriously don’t even know what the heck to say. I think you said it best
    ” ignorance + stupidity + EVILNESS “

  10. Comment by lnh | 10.23.2007 | 7:54 am

    Great ideas–only one small detail to add to the recumbant cyclist costume. You’ve got to have a beard to be a Recumbant cyclist. (Seriously, pay attention next time on your local trails.)

  11. Comment by bikemike | 10.23.2007 | 8:16 am

    ok, i’ll post here instead.

    i just passed an entire baby carrot through my nose. of course, it was chewed up when it came out but still. daggum fatty, that was some kinda funny.

    no wonder it hurts when i ride, i’ve got a stick up my rear.

  12. Comment by Flying Penguin | 10.23.2007 | 8:24 am

    Congratulations Katie…I would have given you my LBOD just for good measure as I, like cyclingphun, am at a loss for words. It would have been nice to have a light sabre(if they really existed) at that point also to go ahead and just cut that hand off of that idiot.

    Great stuff on the coostumes Fatty!! You could always go as a Burning Man participant with a Speedo, work boots and goggles.

  13. Comment by swiss | 10.23.2007 | 10:32 am

    doping cyclist! funniest thing i’ve seen today.

    and i want some of them mad skillz

  14. Comment by swiss | 10.23.2007 | 10:38 am

    and i’ve got #13 on a halloween thread. great…..

  15. Comment by Mike Roadie | 10.23.2007 | 11:33 am

    I thought that Easter was “Chocolatiest”.

    Mark: no I’m not sure why your friend Lisa would win the costume contest…..PICTURES PLEASE!!!!!!!!

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  17. Comment by Mrs. Coach | 10.23.2007 | 12:50 pm

    i liked the comment about the cross cyclist. that was my favorite. Besides the doper.

  18. Comment by LtCol Tim | 10.23.2007 | 1:58 pm

    FC… freakin’ funny!

    As doping cyclist it will help to say:

    1. “I have never tested positive.”
    2. “It is unfortunate that a few bad characters ruin the sport for all cyclists.”
    3. “I’m having good sensations”. Somehow this does not translate well.

  19. Comment by Mike from Melbourne | 10.23.2007 | 3:35 pm

    I could have used the LBOD on myself this morning !
    I was riding to work and overtook a slower cyclist. Unfortunately I didn’t see that there was a large lip between the bike lane and the actual road. When my front wheel hit it I went down straight on my head. Luckily I always wear a helmet and walked away relatively unscathed, just lost a bit of skin.
    Also, the cyclist I overtook was a nurse so I was looked after straight away. I continued on and road to work but I’m get a bit stiff and sore now, should be an interesting ride home !

  20. Comment by anon | 10.23.2007 | 3:42 pm

    Surreptitious surfing at meeting resulted in a laugh out loud moment in a very boring section.

    Ahh for wifi and laptops.

  21. Comment by David | 10.23.2007 | 5:41 pm

    For whatever reason, and it may be Mac related, I’ve been unable to access that site for two weeks.


  22. Comment by Uncle Bob | 10.24.2007 | 1:50 am

    KatieA978: Definitely a case of idiocy activated by malice :(

    DD: It’s not Mac related. Works fine for me.

    FC: The Doping Cyclist cracked me up. It might get uncomfortable though, since you’d have to refuse to urinate all evening.

  23. Comment by KT | 10.24.2007 | 7:53 am

    KatieA978: You can also have my LBoD…. I would have gladly used it on those bozos for you.

    Uncle Bob, the Doping Cyclist can urinate, he just has to make sure no one else is around to witness it.

    FC, great article!

  24. Comment by Likey, but Not So Bikey | 10.24.2007 | 9:03 am

    Finally! Now I know the differences between these cyclists. What a relief. I was starting to feel very ignorant of All Things Cycling, and waited to deLurk with impunity. Love the site for the hilarity and keep coming back to see what’s new. Glad to have the education, even if it were unintended.

    Best to Susan.

  25. Comment by KatieA | 10.24.2007 | 11:14 am

    KT – there’s an idea – can you share your LBOD?? Do non-cyclists have them, and if so, can they give them to us instead??!!

  26. Comment by JM | 10.26.2007 | 10:48 am

    >>>>>Great ideas–only one small detail to add to the recumbant cyclist costume. You’ve got to have a beard to be a Recumbant cyclist. (Seriously, pay attention next time on your local trails.)

    Also, be sure to mount not one but TWO mirrors on your glasses.

    A recumbent rider can never have enough mirrors.

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  29. Comment by Halloween Costumes | 02.10.2009 | 11:52 pm

    Absolutely great ideas. Halloween is definitely the best day of the year.Gennerally for cyclist this Halloween costumes always be helpful in their cycling. If you’re going to be stumbling from party to party, keep your hands off the car keys. Riding is the best mode of transportation, might as well make it part of your whole get-up. Thanks for sharing!

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