The Third Annual “Christmas Gifts Cyclists Will Actually Like and Use” List

12.4.2007 | 10:57 am

In addition to my many other excellent qualities (such as, um,  posting morose, self-pitying blog entries like yesterday’s), I am an excellent giver of gifts. Seriously, I really am. I’m known for giving people gifts they don’t expect, but quickly come to find useful. I am, for example, directly responsible for why most of my sisters now carry a Leatherman Micra on their keychains. And for why my Dad always has a GPS with him when he goes hunting. And for why my Mom uses a headset whenever she talks on the phone. And for why Susan now carries her iPhone with her everywhere she goes, even when she’s not expecting a call (I could write a very convincing article on why everyone who has to take a lot of pills and shots and spend a lot of time with IVs in them should have an iPhone).

My technique for giving great gifts is really very simple. I use the following patented three-step process, which means that if you use it, you must pay me a nickel in royalties. Yes, only a nickel. I am not greedy; I just want acknowledgement of my ingenuity.

  1. I identify interests the Gift Recipient (GR) and I have in common.
  2. I think about things that I either have or really wish I had in the vein of that interest.
  3. I buy one of those things for the GR.

Yes, it’s simple. Yes, you should have thought of it yourself. But you didn’t. And that’s why you must now send me a nickel.

Using this brilliant (and, I remind you, patented) technique, I have come up with my ingenious Third Annual “Christmas Gifts Cyclists Will Actually Like and Use” List.

The List
Before I get started, let’s take a moment to consider: This really is the third year I’ve done a Christmas Gift List for Cyclists. I recommend checking out the 2005 list and — especially — the 2006 list, which has a lot of great suggestions, many of which came from Friends of Fatty.

In fact, it was due to the 2006 list that I found out about Twin Six, and I daresay that’s worked out well.

That said, you may find that some of what I say this year contradicts what I’ve said other years. Which is not really very inconsistent of me, since I do that all the time. Hey, I’m not here to design unassailable logical constructs; I’m here to tell you what to buy for Christmas.

Note that I’m going out of my way to either leave off items that have been in previous lists, unless I’ve got a compelling new reason why you should consider this item as a gift.

  1. A bike. In 2005, I argued you should not buy a cyclist a bike. This was because really awesome bikes are too expensive to be gifts for most of us, plus most cyclists have a very specific idea of what bike they want, and the chances of you buying that bike are — let’s face it — poor. However, my line of reasoning assumed you wanted your gift to be a surprise. When you think about it, though, which do you think most cyclists would rather have: a surprise, or the bike they’ve been lusting after? So, do this: gather all the cyclist’s friends and family together and agree that instead of each of you buying individual presents, you’re going to band together and buy the one thing the GR really, truly wants (or some portion thereof, if the GR has expensive taste). Trust me, the surprise that you’ve organized everyone around buying the GR’s fondest desire will far outweigh any possible surprise of a lesser gift.
  2. A floor pump, even if the GR already has a floor pump. File this under “Things I’m listing specifically in the hopes that someone will pay attention to and buy for me.” Most cyclists have a good floor pump, but they’re constantly having to move it from the car to the garage and back again. I would love to have one floor pump to keep in the garage, and one that lives in my truck. That way, I have one fewer things to keep in mind when I’m loading up to go on a ride from a trailhead I have to drive to. And you know what? If I had a third floor pump, I’d still be happy, because then I’d have a pump I could keep by the rollers in the exercise room. And if I got a fourth floor pump, well, I can’t think of a good use for a fourth floor pump, but I haven’t really put my mind to it yet. To choose a good floor pump, just go to your local bike shop and tell them you want to see the floor pump they use in the shop. If it works, you know it can stand up to whatever your GR can dish out.
  3. A really, really good pair of bib shorts. Until this Summer, I had never owned a pair of expensive, top-quality bib shorts. Thanks to a nice bonus at work, I treated myself with a pair of DeMarchis. They are wonderful. But I think most cyclists hesitate to spend so much money on shorts. It seems self-indulgent, wasteful. So do it for them. Spend the $150 -  $200 a great pair of bib shorts costs on the GR. They’ll say, “You shouldn’t have,” but deep down, they’ll be incredibly excited to find out if there’s really a difference. And then they’ll be excited that there is in fact a difference. And you’ll get to be pleased by the fact that the shorts you bought are the ones the GR always picks for race day. Brands to consider: Castelli, Descente, DeMarchi. Those are quality brands that aren’t on the wrong side of the law of diminishing returns.
  4. A really nice helmet. Here’s a trick to surprise and delight your cycling GR. Find out what size and brand of helmet they wear, then buy a new helmet — same size, same brand — but top of the line. Most cyclists need a new helmet every couple years, so even if the GR doesn’t need one right now, s/he will soon enough, and then s/he’ll have a really sexy one, courtesy of you.
  5. A Microflate Nano and a bunch of CO2 cartridges. I’ve been a fan of the Genuine Innovations’ Microflate for a long time. It’s tiny, it’s cheap, and it has no moving parts, so it’s really unlikely to break. Buy one of these and a box of 16g threaded CO2 cartridges (a box of 30 cartridges costs only $40 at Gas Depot), for your GR, and s/he’ll have what she needs to take care of flats — whether on a mountain or road bike –  for years and years and years.
  6. A sexy jersey. I wish I could sell you a Fat Cyclist jersey for Christmas, but they’re all sold out (don’t worry, there’ll be a 2008 Fat Cyclist jersey). But Twin Six does have a buncha other great jerseys for sale. My favorite’s the Cross. I own one, and that black and red is very sexy. I need to lose weight so I can fit in it again (I’m not even close to size Medium right now).
  7. Fat Cyclist T-Shirts, Socks, and Water Bottles. Hey, you didn’t expect me to not plug my own gear, did you? I’ve now got orange water bottles, pink water bottles, t-shirts, and socks for sale. All at Twin Six. All priced to sell. Whatever that means.
  8. Coaching. You don’t need a huge amount of money or vast quantities of free time to get faster. Robert Lofgran coached me last year, and it made a huge difference.

Your Turn
This, I know, is not a big list. It’s a good list, but it’s not by any means a complete list.

What I’d like you to do is, in the Comments section, say what cycling-related item you’re hoping someone will give you for Christmas. Together, we’ll create a list you can confidently either use to purchase gifts, or to send others to when they want to buy something for you.

Either way, you each owe me a nickel.


  1. Comment by Jodi | 12.4.2007 | 11:03 am

    Do you accept PayPal? I gotcher nickle right here, buddy.

    Oh yeh, and it is true, Elden gave me the iPod Shuffle for my birthday, and it both rules and rocks my world. He’s a giver.

  2. Comment by Bluenoser | 12.4.2007 | 11:26 am

    I want a scale that only gives downward readings. Not as depressing as one that’s going up and down all the time. I want a buck for each of these sold. Fatty if I send you a CDN nickle then you won’t get a nickle.


  3. Comment by Paul | 12.4.2007 | 11:27 am

    Wish List:

    Garmin E-trex Vista hcx / Garmin Edge 705 (Vista preferably due to AA batteries but I like some of the cycle specific features of the 705).

    New bike – Parlee 55cm (will the Z1 hold up under 215lbs?), that would be nice.

    Craft Rain Jacket (large) –

    Shoes Sidi Genious 5(black size 11.5)-

    Saddle – Selle Italia Flite gel

    Ergomo power meter – Power training on the road

    Racermate (Velotron elite) – Power Training in the garage.

    Some new friends that are slower than me on climbs, (does anyone know how to fill someones tires/wheels with lead weights?)

    I could go on and on…

  4. Comment by Bluenoser | 12.4.2007 | 11:27 am

    Our nickles are different from your nickels.


  5. Comment by Kris | 12.4.2007 | 11:39 am

    Good topic and post.

    You’re right about the floor pump. I bought a second one that stays in my car and it has been one of those little things that makes you happy. Sure, I could live without it, but when I get to the trail head or ride start and need to add air to the tires, the floor pump makes it much easier. And floor pumps are pretty cheap so it’s good all around.

    I’m not a fan of the micro inflators. I like the kind that takes unthreaded cartridges (typically used for BB and pellet guns) which you can buy at a variety of stores for cheap (a box of them at Walmart costs around 50 cents each). I also like the inflators that have a housing for the cartridge because they get REALLY cold when dispensing air and that housing saves me from freezing my wet hand to the cartridge – but maybe most people are smart enough to keep their gloves on while using an inflator. Sure this type of inflator is more bulky and weighs more, but for me it’s worth it.

    I posted about a few odd gifts for cyclists on my blog (link above). I mostly made fun of them, but many of them would make good gifts to the right person. Fatty, I’ve got a pair of Hello Kitty tires for you! ;-)

  6. Comment by TIMK | 12.4.2007 | 11:44 am

    With your fourth pump you could carry it around with you to use with the other pumps. How many tires does your bike have? Right. One pump for each tire. Think of how much time you could save by pumping up both tires at the same time – time you could spend on the trail.

    Great list. I just know that my entire family will be buying me a Vanilla Cross bike for Christmas now.

  7. Comment by blinddrew | 12.4.2007 | 12:09 pm

    Actually i do want a floor pump! and a new saddle.
    Please Santa…

  8. Comment by Clydesdale | 12.4.2007 | 12:17 pm

    Well since we received 40 cm( 16 inches) of snow yesterday and another 5 (2-3 inches) or so today I want new X-Country ski’s for Christmas. Allows you to get outside during the winter, great cross training tool, not so many boring trainer rides and over all the best whole body workout you can get!

    You want to suffer? Try the “misery sticks”!! You’ll be flying come spring.

    Go Susan!

  9. Comment by Bob | 12.4.2007 | 12:27 pm

    No bibs. I’m afraid my wife is going to read this and buy me an expensive pair of shorts that I would only wear before I do my naked monkey dance. The only time you ever want bibs is on a long ride, and you have to pee a lot on long rides, which means that long rides are the only time you don’t want to wear bibs.

    The floor pump and CO2 cartridges are great gift idea. Ahem.

  10. Comment by buzz kill | 12.4.2007 | 12:28 pm

    Leave the 4th pump at your office. I do. When you unknowingly run over something on the morning commute and the air leaks out during the day — it’s nice to not have to use the 1 co2 cartridge you carry for emergencies — you need that for the ride home. Also, you can be the hero when one of your co-working/fellow bike commuters needs air.

    Gift ideas for the bike commuter in your life:

    Cheap/Stocking Stuffers:

    Reflective tape.
    Bunches of AAA bateries or rechargables (for basic flashers).

  11. Comment by dug | 12.4.2007 | 12:51 pm

    i recommend those orange and white reflective construction worker type vests. i never leave my driveway without mine.

  12. Comment by will | 12.4.2007 | 1:06 pm

    Well I owe you a dime as I am sending this list to my wife.

    With regards to the floor pump, I am in favor of pretty much multiple everything for house and car.

    You did forget sexy carbon water bottle holders. they have improved my riding immensely. For my birthday, one of my presents from my wife was the offer of being a “support car driver / photographer” for a couple of huge Alps rides.

    Great gift.


  13. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 12.4.2007 | 1:06 pm

    dug, i’d totally take off the vest before a job interview. you know, if i were you. and if i were going to job interviews.

    bob, i’m slightly disappointed that the naked monkey dance wasn’t discussed at Fall Moab ‘08, Gooseberry edition.

    elden, i wasn’t going to bring it up, but since you were persistant, i feel obligated. you cannot patent a mental process. i’ll be sending you a bill for that legal advice.

    jodi, elden didn’t get me anything for my birthday, even after I went on his ’super sado-masochistic single speed mountian bike ride around most of the wasach mountains birthday ride’. can you explain that?

    susan, when you’re better, can i have your iPhone? uhm, since you won’t need it any more?

    buzzkill, what would you do with TEN floor pumps? Eh? Eh?

    blinddrew, such christmas wishes are only valid when promulgated from the lap of a fat guy wearing red. Wait a couple more months and elden may fit the bill.

  14. Comment by S_H | 12.4.2007 | 1:07 pm

    Will the profits from next year’s FC jerseys still go to counter treatment costs and LAF?

  15. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 12.4.2007 | 1:07 pm

    Oh, as for gifts, there is no cyclist in the world that doesn’t covet a christ king hub. if you do not covet a chris king hub, you are not a cyclist. that or you’re immune to peer pressure.

  16. Comment by fatty | 12.4.2007 | 1:10 pm

    buzz kill – YES! a fourth floor pump to live at the office is a brilliant idea.

    clydesdale – or, if your GR doesn’t CX ski, snowshoes serve the same purpose and require no skill.

    bob – it takes no more effort to pee out of bib shorts than regular shorts. plus they hold your gut in.

    dug – thanks, man. now i know what to get you.

    bluenoser – nickle, nickel: i’m happy to have either. it all goes into my giant change jar (aka “retirement fund” anyway)

  17. Comment by fatty | 12.4.2007 | 1:17 pm

    s_h: yes, they will. that’s going to be a pretty much ongoing theme to fatcyclist wear.

    botched – i did in fact give you a gift, and in fact used the patented (yes, patented, so evidently it is possible to patent a thought process, or i wouldn’t have a patent for it, would i, smart guy?) 3-step gift giving process. if you can’t remember what it is, i’m hurt.

    will – carbon makes everything sexy. good call.

  18. Comment by flossy | 12.4.2007 | 1:25 pm

    We’re getting waterproof rain jackets from Ground Effect for Christmas this year because we rode in the rain for 4 days on a tour without decent waterproofs. Mind you that’s all the rain we’ll probably see for a long time as there is only a 25% chance the drought will break!

    I vote for the floor pump in the office, could have used it recently

  19. Comment by Big Boned | 12.4.2007 | 1:33 pm

    Well, I’d say that if you don’t want to ride with wet shorts, it DOES take more effort to pee out of bibs. Perhaps my technique is just faulty…
    You might want to publish your address again so you can collect your nickles (and any Christmas/Get well cards).
    My addition to the cyclist wish list is entry to a race. My wife has gotten that for me before, then came and did support for me – a most appreciated gift!

  20. Comment by Chris | 12.4.2007 | 1:37 pm

    My wife has told me I am the worse gift purchaser in the world. I think this just saved my marriage.

    Sorry, we don’t have nickels in South Africa, would you like an elephant?

  21. Comment by matt | 12.4.2007 | 2:02 pm

    Once you go bibs, you never want to go back to shorts. As his Fatness says, they hide your gut, and peeing (for us gents, anyway) isn’t that bad.

    I don’t know about the diminishing returns thing – spending more does make a difference with bibs. The pad quality improves a small amount, but I’ve found the overall build quality is the big winner – means they just last a lot longer, which amortizes the cost (always a good excuse for spending more!). I don’t think I’ll be getting any bibs for Xmas though – someone finds the look of them hillarious, and not in a good way …

    Similar to the coaching idea is skills courses – particularly an idea for guys who have a better half that is getting into mtb’ing. See if you can find a course specifically for women, because it really does make a difference.

  22. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 12.4.2007 | 2:03 pm

    Fatty, not as hurt as I was after going on that bike ride…

  23. Comment by bikemike | 12.4.2007 | 2:46 pm

    a really good bike repair stand ala Ultimate Support Stands.
    they have a number of good/great ones to fit all budgets.

    also, one of those generator bike lights (or lite if you’re on the other side of the pond) that mounts to your frame and has those neat set screws that dig into your carbon frame. you know, the ones that give you absolutely no light when you come to a stop. yeah, one of those. great for those 24 hour endurance suicide races. no more stupid rechargeable batteries.

    how about an automatic nose wiper for those especially cold mornings. i haven’t seen one yet but they would be cool.

  24. Comment by KT | 12.4.2007 | 3:16 pm

    Hmmm…. well, my recent experiment in chilly weather cycling gave me some ideas.

    A) a good cold-weather cycling jacket would be peachy.
    B) good chilly-windy-rainy (or any combo of those) cycling pants/tights (whatever makes you feel less of a pansy wearing; as a girl, it doesn’t matter to me, but it might to you boys).
    C) Shoe covers. Or better socks. You know, something so your feet don’t go numb with the cold and wet.

    That’s what I’d like, on the cycling-side of things.

  25. Comment by Pregnant-and-getting-fatter Cathy | 12.4.2007 | 3:30 pm

    For Christmas I’d like to have a belly I can still ride my bike with. That would just be peachy.

    Since that will be hard to come by – A new pair of cycling shoes would be great. Someone can take your helmet idea (a good one btw) and apply it to shoes. Find out the size and type (road or mtb) shoe your favorite cyclist wears and buy them the top o’ line shoe in the same or equivalent brand. Everybody wears out their cycling shoes eventually.

    Also a new pair of cleats in whatever type your cyclist uses. I need a new set desparately.

  26. Comment by Clydesteve | 12.4.2007 | 3:33 pm

    KT – I 2nd the notion of some shoe covers that actually would keep my feet kind of dry while riding in the rain. Neoprene booties = nada. Wetsuits are made of neoprene, and they are designed to be wet. Wet, I tell you. I want a pair of booties made out of DRYsuit material. I am asking for a pair from ShowersPass.

    For commuters sans DST. A Premium ($180 – $250 or more) see-to-ride headlight. The coolest new lights are LED with Lithium-Ion rechargeables. Prime quality LED = super bright / Li-Ion = Fast, smart recharges. And they last longer than Nickle-metal-Hydride. My personal FAVs? The NiteRider MiNewt.x2 – single, or double, and the TriNewt. Just got one. The MiNewt.x2 recharges in 1/2 the riding time it affords, comes with a smart charger, and the headlight itself, in all its’ titanium case glory is about the size of a fat male thumb., but shorter.

  27. Comment by Gordon in Melbourne | 12.4.2007 | 4:03 pm

    Are you able to get a cream/gel that “de-ages” you, another one that will make hair grow on my head….not everwhere else you dont want it.

    Another cream for stonger legs, loose weight, the ability to climb/sprint/corner better and something to stop the effects of alcohol……all in carbon.

    Better still buy the GR another alarm clock to put in another room so when it goes off you have to get out of bed and go for that ride otherwise your spouse will kill you if you ignore it….make it really loud…carbon is optional.

  28. Comment by pantaloonfan | 12.4.2007 | 5:12 pm

    On the less expensive, definitely useful side of things: sets of tires. Everyone wears them out, everyone needs them regularly. If it’s on the order of more of a secret santa thing, just go ahead and get them some tubes… also a good, consumable, clearly fitting and usable deal.

    For me personally, I have tools that are included in the fifty-headed multi-tool that are functional, but a proper set of tools, large or small(er) would definitely be well received… bigger handled allen keys, and generally more solid, easy to use items are not a bad thing to have handy.

    That won’t even cost you a Canadian nickel for the advice :)

  29. Comment by Born4Lycra | 12.4.2007 | 6:38 pm

    I want an ORANGE top of the range Orbea with Campy Record and Zonda (minimum) wheels and of course world peace. But I will settle for the promise of a couple of FC Drink Bottles when I order my 2008 FC top in whatever colour is finally agreed upon.
    So How much is a nickel in real money anyway.
    Hopefully Sue is still improving that’s a great Xmas pressie also.

  30. Comment by monkeywebb | 12.4.2007 | 6:43 pm

    I could take one or two of all of the above. For those days that you have to swap the bike and bibs for a job or jeans, don’t leave your two-wheeled friend behind completely. Visit and scroll halfway down to find the “Re-Cycle” belt.

    Special Bonus: There are no belt buckle holes, so you’ll never have to admit to loosening your belt a notch!

  31. Comment by | 12.4.2007 | 6:54 pm

    New camera. Seriously! Wasn’t that one of the coolest things you got this year?
    Who couldn’t use more water bottles. I must say I like the list!

  32. Comment by fatty | 12.4.2007 | 7:29 pm

    cyclingphun – you’re absolutely right. i actually meant to include a camera on the list. missed it = total brain fart.

  33. Comment by Dobovedo | 12.4.2007 | 7:37 pm

    4th floor pump goes in the spousal unit’s (aka “team”) car
    5th floor pump goes in the office at one’s place of business
    6th floor pump goes at the spousal unit’s place of business
    7th floor pump goes to that one friend who’s constantly borrowing one of your other 6 floor pumps because they can’t be bothered to get one of their own!

  34. Comment by El Animal | 12.4.2007 | 8:34 pm

    It’s so difficult to decide, I want it all, everything. I want:
    -Wheels for my road bike nice wheels Topolino CX2.0 (1360 grams sweet),
    -I need pedals, Speedplay Light Action Titanium or Look Keo Carbon Ti Road Pedal.
    -I need a new helmet too.
    -They are not available yet but I can’t wait to have one of those belt driven single speeds from Can you imagine riding without the noise of the chain or not having to lubricate it?

  35. Comment by El Animal | 12.4.2007 | 8:40 pm

    Here is another of those beauty

  36. Comment by Harp | 12.4.2007 | 9:10 pm

    Few things I’d like to get for christmas:

    *crankbrothers egg beater pedals
    *New Bib Shorts-Excellent Suggestion Fatty
    *Pearl Izumi Shoe Covers
    *New Fox Racing Shox
    To be honest I’d be pretty happy with any new ccyling gear

  37. Comment by Little1 | 12.4.2007 | 11:16 pm

    shew… so many yummy things everyone has mentioned already…

    My list would have all of the above and then maybe some few extra things:
    1. Cool new slip on type shoes for hanging around after racing.
    2. A years supply of deep heat bath tonic (deep heat is a muscle rub, they made a bath tonic, awesome for after a long days playing on the bike)
    3. A fully body massage booked and paid for, for after the toughest race of the year (which ever one your GR always complains is their toughest).
    4. An agreement to ride or at least support crew the big 5 races in SA (awesome series of MTB rides through game parks)
    5. A voucher for a full major service for my bike from my bike shop (for when I crash and my bike feels it should rather get professional help)

    i think i should stop now, i don’t want to get to greedy.

  38. Comment by Little1 | 12.4.2007 | 11:17 pm

    chris – where in sa are you? i’m in kzn

  39. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 12.4.2007 | 11:56 pm

    I’d love to send you a nickel but 5 cents U.S. at the current exchange rate is about 4 weeks wages in Australia.

    But while you’re on the topic of the convenience of a second floor pump do you know what else is really handy to have a double up of?

    Almost everything. Specifically, I carry a second helmet and bike shoes in the car at all times. It’s more of a “packing tragedy” insurance policy but it’s been necessary twice in the past 6 months.

    And man I wish I lived where you live… I just got THE BEST DEAL EVER on 16g CO2… $2.25 each. But I had to buy 200 direct from an importer to get that price. $16.95 for 3 is pretty standard at the LBSs here.


    Here’s my extra gift idea… If you’re a budget conscious individual (or a tight wad), cleats. It’s $20 that will go a long way.

  40. Comment by TheLurker | 12.5.2007 | 12:47 am

    In no particular order.

    Barbieri chain cleaner.
    If you do a lot of riding in the wet (hello fellow commuters) you _need_ a chain cleaner. FWIW I think this it’s the best chain cleaner I’ve used bar none. A link … (Sorry, but I think this is beaut. tool and I wish I had shares in the company that makes it.)

    Boring, not cool, but I wouldn’t want to be without a pair in the wet and/or cold.

    Skull cap.
    See overshoes, but it’s got to fit comfortably under a helmet. A boon to those of us with male pattern baldness.

    Workstand / bike clamp.
    Even if you get your bike serviced it makes it _so_ much easier to do the daily/weekly maintenance stuff like ermm cleaning chains (spot a theme here?).

    What’s a nickel? Is it anything like a dollar?

  41. Comment by Jake | 12.5.2007 | 1:24 am

    What’s the US Nickel/UK Penny exchange rate at present?

  42. Comment by Orbea Girl | 12.5.2007 | 3:07 am

    I have to provide my non cycling sisters with a number of Xmas gift suggestions otherwise they’ll buy me a load of things I neither want, nor will ever use.

    Here’s this year’s list:-

    Rouleur Annual or Magazine Subscription (see Rapha web page below for details).

    Cycling books and videos from

    DVD: 2006 Tour of Flanders
    Books: Fausto Coppi by Jacques Augendue
    Indurain: A Tempered Passion by Javier Garcia Sanchez
    Paris-Roubaix: A Journey Through Hell by Philippe Bouvet

  43. Comment by Al Maviva | 12.5.2007 | 4:11 am

    A nice toolkit from Park, Pedros, or even (gasp) Performance house brand Spin Doctor is always welcome. If the kit is too much, a toolbox to put bike tools in is always pretty handy. Some of the cyclist’s favorite sports drink is always welcome – for some reason, I and everybody I ride with *hate* dropping $40 on something you drink, other than Padron, or maybe Knob Creek. A framed Graham Watson poster ( would make somebody’s day too, then there’s always nifty wool jerseys from Vintage velos ( Their trainers and wool socks would be wonderful higher & lower end gifts too.

    BTW, Botched, you can patent something that is basically a mental process. It’s called a “Process Patent” or “Information Process Patent,” not surprisingly, and the granting of patent protections to such a thing, usually in the context of software innovation, is somewhat controversial. You can’t patent an abstract idea but if you have a method of dealing with something – say some unique formula for valuing publicly offered stocks to determine which stocks are the best value, or some algorithm to determine what new books a book buyer would like to buy based on past preferences – those formulae can potentially be patented.

  44. Comment by pantaloonfan | 12.5.2007 | 4:25 am


    0.025 Pounds will buy you a nickel, roughly. So that’s 2.5 pence per US nickel if you don’t want to do any decimal nudging.

  45. Comment by Uphill Battle | 12.5.2007 | 4:56 am

    Where is Al Maviva? Paging Al Maviva?

  46. Comment by nbrakes | 12.5.2007 | 5:39 am

    i dont own a pair of bibs ’cause i dont get it.
    whats the reason they’re so great ?
    i dont have a paunch, my regular shorts dont sag…
    help me understand

  47. Comment by Susan (another one) | 12.5.2007 | 6:04 am

    I just got one of those MountainSmith cubed cyclists’ bags. I love it. No running around trying to make sure you have all your stuff. I have at least one of everything in there.

    I need another of everything though. & a workstand.

  48. Comment by ChinookPass | 12.5.2007 | 6:26 am

    Fatty, couldn’t help noticing you left Assos out of your list of bib choices. Don’t they deserve a second chance? Don’t you want a luxery body?

  49. Comment by Weean | 12.5.2007 | 6:36 am

    A nickel is quite literally tuppence ha’penny (in new pence: it’s a shiny sixpence in old money at current exhange rates).

    I think we must all agree that Fatty’s ideas are worth at least tuppence ha’penny.

  50. Comment by Anonymous | 12.5.2007 | 6:47 am

    chinookpass – i’m sorry, but i just couldn’t wear assos, and it has nothing to do with their advertising. the prices they charge are simply exorbitant. there is no possible way they are twice as good as a pair of descentes, but they cost twice as much.

    nbrakes – if you don’t have a gut and your shorts don’t bind at the waist, bib shorts are still great because they make you look like a crazy, cycling mime.

  51. Comment by Boz | 12.5.2007 | 7:52 am

    Insulated bib tights are da bomb for here in Northern Mn. They really help in cold an wet, keepong your lower back warm. And they help us fat guys look a little more svelt. But, as they say, “lipstick on a pig is still a pig”.

  52. Comment by Not a cyclist..... | 12.5.2007 | 7:59 am


    I think you should include the item found at the included link on your own x-mas wish list, if only for the benefit of your readers. It is a helmet with a camera mounted to it so you can take awesome video while you are mountain biking, then we can all be awed by your amazing cycling skills, or better yet, we can all laugh and laugh at you falling down :)

  53. Comment by Grump | 12.5.2007 | 8:29 am

    Mr Fat
    All I want for Christmas is an 11-21 cassette, for those “special” days when I want my “friends” to think that I’m tougher than I really am. Those are the same days that I show up for a ride with a half bottle of water. There is always one lost soul on the ride that asks about the lack of water, which allows me to give my “Water is for sissies” throw down.

    Can I charge the nickel???? I’m short on cash

  54. Comment by Nick | 12.5.2007 | 9:07 am

    I am hoping for a Miche Supertype black seat post for my commuter fixie and a pair of portland nickers ;) I need commuting gear since I am starting to ride to work more and more.

  55. Comment by Nick | 12.5.2007 | 9:11 am

    Also, flashing tail lights like that super bright one from Planet Bike are a good idea and cheap (about $20) Its not a bad idea to have around durring the winter when the days are shorter.

  56. Comment by db | 12.5.2007 | 9:18 am

    Not everyone likes bibs. The last thing I need on a long ride is an extra layer of clothing over my stomach. Yeah, it holds a gut in, and then it makes it sweat like a roasting pig.

    Gift ideas:
    1. Work stand, as others have said.
    2. Neck gaiter/skull cap. I prefer this combo over a balaclava, which doesn’t work as well with glasses.
    3. Arm/leg warmers. Another commuter-centric choice, these beat the hell out of having to pack an extra jersey and pants. I use mine for running and XC skiing, as well. And they’re inexpensive.
    4. A wind vest with a mesh back. I use mine in temps ranging from 30s to 60.
    5. Batteries (especially rechargeables paired with a charger) for all those lights and blinkies.
    6. Hot tub. (I always sneak an expensive item in my list.)

  57. Comment by Clydesteve | 12.5.2007 | 9:43 am

    nbrakes – OK here’s the deal on bibs for those with a paunch. When a large-belly wears shorts, the belly hangs down and rolls the waistband down in front… followed by the sides and back of the shorts – looks really bad, especially if it get down low enough for plumbers crack to show, and the bunched waisband in not comfortable.

    Bibs, OTOH, have a smoothing appearance – the inner folds still bulge, but in a smoother, less contoured manner. If the back of the jersey hikes up a bit, all it reveals is more smooth black lycra – no bare midriff grossness.

    There, I have said it in all its’ ugly known-by-direct-experience yuckiness. Fat Cyclists prefer bibs because they are less gross.

    But, as someone else has pointed out, they also look better than shorts on the skinny people, otherwise the pros would not all use them.

  58. Comment by Badder | 12.5.2007 | 9:48 am

    As for Fatty’s ease with peeing in Bib shorts, I believe he is trying to set a new style by wearing his bib short straps over his jersey.

    Gift ideas (some of which I have already bought and given to my wife to give back to me at Christmas).

    1. New gloves.
    2. New helmet (already mentioned by Fatty)
    3. Bike stand
    4. Some more tools

  59. Comment by nbrakes | 12.5.2007 | 9:58 am

    ok, now i understand why bibs are so cool.
    my take on why the peloton wears bibs is that someone did it first,
    then the rest of the herd follows along.
    like the black socks, then the white socks (again), then the higher white socks;
    next some italian stud will wear tube socks with stripes on the top and then the herd will follow along …
    my .02

  60. Comment by AMG in Texas | 12.5.2007 | 10:21 am

    Uphill Battle – The last I heard was that Al Maviva was going on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney…

  61. Comment by AMG in Texas | 12.5.2007 | 10:23 am

    My greatest gift would be a riding partner that was on my training level.

  62. Comment by regina | 12.5.2007 | 10:30 am

    it is really nice to have a floor pump in your office, that is where my spare is currently living. Oddly I have made it all the way to work and then had a flat, the last part of the commute in is hwy, and its shoulder is a mine field. Good list Fatty, now that the loving and enabling spouse(buys me bikes) is riding a nice IF, I really needed some suggestions and yours are spot on. nickels in the mail.

  63. Comment by Jouni | 12.5.2007 | 10:51 am

    How about a case of Nair?

  64. Comment by ibisss | 12.5.2007 | 4:48 pm

    bibs only fault becomes apparent about 45 minutes after the bran muffin and wheat grass smoothie. Makes full zip jerseys a good accessory to bibs. Very comfy though.

  65. Comment by | 12.5.2007 | 8:52 pm

    Incase my wife links here… I Still want the MTB… just saying.

  66. Comment by Stephanie | 12.6.2007 | 9:54 am

    I’m totally participating in #1… as in, i told friends & family to give me cash so i can go out and buy the P3 Cervelo myself.

    I can’t WAIT for christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  67. Comment by jenni | 12.6.2007 | 4:17 pm

    Just bought myself some pink bottles. Christmas is coming early this year!!
    Actually I bought them and told my husband to wrap ‘em up and put ‘em in my stocking. I can’t wait!!

  68. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » White Elephant Gift | 12.7.2007 | 10:16 am

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  69. Comment by Matt | 12.7.2007 | 10:53 am

    All I want for Xmas? Anything from Rapha:

  70. Comment by Jared | 12.10.2007 | 12:10 pm

    Great List Fatty,
    I totally agree on the Floor Pump. I would love to have 2 or 3 rather than my measly 1, but how do you convince your non cycling spouse of this obvious logic?

    Also, I’m not picky on shorts quality. I’m always in need of a new pair of shorts since I wear them until pretty much everything is hanging out. Any type of cycling short would be appreciated by me as well as those I ride with.

    Gloves and shoes are also great gift ideas for any cyclist for essentially the same reason.

    Some of my other favorite cycling accessories that would make a good gift would be:
    Halo head bands, cycling socks, skull cap, and a wind vest. All cyclist should own at LEAST one of those items, if you know a cyclist without one of those, then you should show the true Christmas spirit and help them fulfill their NEED.

  71. Comment by Jay Rain | 12.7.2009 | 12:32 pm

    I just received a gift from a friend of mine. It is a new kind of rear light for bicyclists. It is called the FlashBak. It is so bright! I’m not sure, but I think my new Flashbak is brighter than my old PB Super Flash. I’ll check sometime soon, in a side-by-side test. Either way…I use both of them together. I googled it and found several reliable sources who have reviewed it, and had great things to say. Oh, well. Christmas is coming and the cyclist is getting fat. That’s my suggestion. Merry Christmas.

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