Ask a Cyclist

01.23.2008 | 11:49 pm

One of the nice things about the Bloggies contest is that, for a couple weeks, several non-cyclists will visit my site.

So: Welcome, non-cyclists.

As a non-cyclist, I am certain that you have many questions about the strange subculture that has grown up around riding bicycles. Likely, you have been so put off by the pungent smell and crazy eyes of cyclists that you have not dared ask those questions.

I don’t blame you. I, too, avoid cyclists whenever possible.

I have, however, been immersed in the world of cycling long enough that I think can both anticipate your questions and answer them to your satisfaction.

Why do cyclists shave their legs?
I give a detailed answer here, but there are in fact two answers. first, there’s the answer cyclists would have you believe: "We shave our legs in order to clean gravel out of our legs when we fall, and to make it easier for the masseuse to give us a good post-race massage."

Unfortunately, this answer is a lie.

The honest reason cyclists shave their legs is very simple: vanity. We’ve worked so hard to get the legs we’ve got; we want to show them off.

Here, I’ll show you what I mean. These are my legs, on the same day, before and after shaving. The photos are not Photoshopped or otherwise retouched.


A hint of quads, buried beneath a thick winters’ coat

…and after:

OK, I’m flexing so hard my knees are about to explode, but you still get my point.

Why do you wear those clothes?
Cyclists wear tight lycra shorts with a "chamois" — which is French for "diaper-like item that is supposed to keep your butt from being rubbed raw, but doesn’t" – sewn in. The lycra’s job is to keep the chamois in place. The lycra’s secondary job is to make your package fall asleep from being compressed into one place for hours on end.

Cyclists also wear a polyester zip-up "jersey," a shirt designed to quickly evaporate all the sweat from your upper body, while expertly retaining the stink the sweat creates. Modern jerseys are so well made that they will smell terrible after even one use, and will never release that smell.

Fun fact: The proper way to dispose of an old jersey is to call the local HazMat team, which will properly discard said jersey at the nearest nuclear waste facility.

What’s going on with your shoes?
Really dedicated cyclists never want to be separated from their bicycles, and so have invented special shoes that actually snap on to their pedals. Like ski boot bindings and skis, except for nobody wears ski boots attached to skis in rush hour traffic.

The idea behind these special shoe/pedal combinations is to let cyclists transfer as much power as possible from their legs to their bikes, pulling up on the cranks as well as pushing down on them.

The practical effect is that when cyclists come to a stoplight, there is a 70% chance they will not be able to detach their shoes from their pedals and will fall over sideways. If you ever witness this, be certain to take pictures or hopefully video; there’s nothing quite as memorable as a cyclist wrestling his bike as if it were a rabid badger. You and your family will treasure these images for generations to come.

Sometimes when I’m in my car and pass a cyclist, I get an urge to either shout at the cyclist, honk, or throw a beer bottle. Is that OK?
You bet it is. All we ask is that when you yell at us, you shout slowly and clearly. Even as often as it happens, I have not yet once understood the actual words automotive passengers yell at me as they go by.

I must confess: I feel I am a poorer man for missing these messages.

What’s the point of cycling? I mean, you’re just turning your feet around in a circle. How can you call that a sport? How can you even call that "fun?" 
Most cyclists wrestle with this question their entire lives, without ever coming close to the answer. The best I can offer is something a wise man once told me:

"Life is pain. And cycling hurts. A lot."

Why do you ride in groups? And why do you wear matching outfits?
We ride in groups because we like to imagine that our silly outfits don’t look as silly in a group as they do individually. We wear matching outfits to avoid the likelihood that we’ll otherwise look sillier than one another.

It’s a vicious cycle, and must be broken.

Lightning P38 (a short wheelbase recumbent) and rider rest during a long tour.I have met three recumbent cyclists in my lifetime. All three were angry and had beards. Why is this?
A recumbent bicycle is a bicycle that lets the rider sit in a reclining position, rather than in an upright position. "Bent" cyclists, as they like to call themselves, are angry because they are convinced their way of doing things is absolutely correct, but nobody cares or wants to join them.

Nobody wants to join recumbent cyclists, ironically, because recumbent cyclists are so angry.

Recumbent cyclists all have beards, by the way, because they are all also Marxists.

dropbar I’ve noticed that road bikes have "drop bars" that curve down so you can grip them much lower than you otherwise would. What What is that low position for?
Cyclists almost always put their hands on the topmost part of handlebars. The sole exception is when they are pretending they are Lance Armstrong. If you see a cyclist riding with his hands "in the drops," so to speak, you may be assured that he (or she) is conducting a narrative about how he (i.e., Lance Armstrong) is dropping the competition, putting them in a spot of bother, and otherwise forcing them to unpack their suitcase of courage.

I apologize for the weird metaphors. Your cycling friends got them, I promise.

I often hear about doping running rampant in cycling. Are there any clean cyclists out there?
Anything’s possible.

Is cycling all you think about?
No. I also think about eating. And I dedicate a fair amount of time to thinking about eating while cycling. And to what I will eat after I finish cycling. And to how long I have to wait after eating before I can ride.

One of my neighbors is seriously into bike riding and has asked me to join him for an easy ride. Should I go?
Under no circumstances. By "easy ride," he means that he intends to take you on a four hour tour across three mountain passes. He will ride just a little bit faster than you the entire time, using body language to urge you to keep up. Within two hours your lungs will be burning, your heart will explode and you will wish for death.

Worst of all, he will not realize the misery he has put you through and will tell his riding buddies that he thinks he’s got you "hooked."

I hear that bike saddles make you impotent. Is that true?
I don’t know. This numb sensation I’ve got down below won’t go away, so it’s difficult for me to find out.

I’m interested in getting into shape and think a bicycle might be a good way to do it. How much money do I need?
You’re in luck. Bikes are relatively inexpensive. You just need a few things to get started: a bicycle, a helmet, bike shorts, bike jerseys, bike socks, bike shoes, floor bike pump, extra tubes, seat bag, tire levers, CO2 cans, CO2 adapter, lube, water bottles, bike rack for the car, bike gloves, bike glasses, energy bars, energy drinks, bike computer, plus a few other accessories.

The great news is all of this together shouldn’t cost much more than a typical Lexus.

You weren’t serious about those other blogs in the Sports category being China-based, lead-infested sweatshops, were you?
No, of course I wasn’t. Except for Deadspin, which is a site. Gawker really is a blog sweatshop.

I have another question. May I leave it in the comments section?
Yes. Yes you may. I might even answer it. I’m that generous.

PS: A few weeks ago, I mentioned a strange blog, which I would have named "What if Eeyore were a Human?" but which is called by its writer,  So Very Alone. To my amazement and chagrin, it managed to capture a finalist spot in the Bloggies category I was gunning for: Best-Kept Secret. To tell the truth, I have no idea whether Harlan would like winning a Bloggie, but I think it’d be fun to find out. When you’re voting for me (or Jill), go vote for him, too.


  1. Comment by Badder | 01.24.2008 | 9:07 am

    Great post. Love the diaper reference

  2. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.24.2008 | 9:18 am

    All bent riders are Marxists. That explains a lot.

    Fatty, you do these new non-cyclist readers a dis-service – In your list of things they need, you have left out about 75% of the things they need to be popular. Like the gravy and the cyanide.

    And if you would show me how to sucessfully do an HREF in the comments section of this particular blog software, I would have given a link.

  3. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.24.2008 | 9:22 am

    And I might add, this was a very funny and informative post. I knew there was something awful about those other sports blogs, but the lead thing has slipped right by me.

    ..and the rabid badger reference has brought back some memories.. not pleasant for me, mind you, but entertaining, i am sure, for the concerned onlookers.

  4. Comment by chtrich | 01.24.2008 | 9:31 am

    Welcome newbies.

  5. Comment by freehub | 01.24.2008 | 9:32 am

    dangerously amusing post to be reading at work. one thing about the in-the-drops-narrative: what about “putting the hammer down”? i find that’s an ideal way to get those suitcases of courage unpacked.

  6. Comment by Boz | 01.24.2008 | 9:34 am

    I must clarify something about that recumbent picture – that guy standing next to the bent doesn’t have a beard, so he is not it’s rider. Upon closer examination, he is holding a book of matches with which to start that god-awful contraption on fire and melt it to the ground, never to be laid on top of again. It’s just not natural to ride like that, lying on your back with your feet in the air like an expiring bug, warning flag flapping in the breeze, florecant windbreaker glowing, a rolling eye-sore. The beard is often not real, but a disguise to hide behind, so as not bring shame to their families if they were seen riding a “bent”. At least you could smile and wave once in a while. Cycling should be joyful, not a ride to the gulag.

  7. Comment by Tyson | 01.24.2008 | 9:34 am

    My votes in!
    Hope you win!
    Losing would be a sin!
    Something that rhymes with in!

  8. Comment by Mbonkers | 01.24.2008 | 9:41 am

    And after taking the bicycle neophyte on an “easy ride” they groan in agony and you just state that “You would have totally kept up with me if you just had the right gear”. This is followed by a trip to the bike shop where they drop huge sums of money to join the cycling fraternity. It’s often the justification of the huge sums of money that keeps them riding until it becomes a painful habit.

  9. Comment by Brandy | 01.24.2008 | 9:42 am

    Fatty is the best!! I voted for you

  10. Comment by Mike Roadie | 01.24.2008 | 10:11 am

    Everything you tell the newbies is true, but bad advice about it being OK to toss stuff at riders. We know that you know that we know that you know…but some of those people Do feel like it’s OK…… know? I’m not sayin’……I’m just sayin’

  11. Comment by Steve Nordstrom | 01.24.2008 | 10:29 am

    “Ask a cyclist”: great post, or…greatest post?

    also, nice comment, Tyson! lol (for real, not just throwing internet abreviations around to look cool!)

  12. Comment by Pammap | 01.24.2008 | 10:43 am

    I have wrestled that badger! I hate that!

    My husband was a bent rider for a year until his friends humiliated him into getting back on his road bike like a “normal” person.

    Next time I feel the urge to get in the drops, I just know I’m going to laugh about it.

    As always, great post.

  13. Comment by KT | 01.24.2008 | 10:46 am

    Ah yes, the annual “ask a cyclist” post. I love it, because every year, the questions and answers are different.

    This year, I laughed so hard I almost choked on my Chili Lemon rounds– little rice crackers with diabolical spices on them. Those pictures of your legs… I think they might violate our employee handbook on internet usage.

    And your kneecaps look like they’re going to explode.

    I voted for you, Fatty! I hope you WIN!

  14. Comment by Don ( | 01.24.2008 | 10:50 am

    I seriously need to stop reading this at work. I burst out into fits of laughter far too often, and am sure I’ll get someone mad at me in the very near future. I do have one thing to say, you left out a very important item, ball spalm! Seriously, Everyone need to get them some Assos so they can spalm, right?

  15. Comment by Lifesgreat | 01.24.2008 | 11:13 am

    I wrestled a badger right in front of my daughter. Lesson learned: Do not go clipless when accompanying a child on one of her first bike rides. Kid worry makes remembering bike attachment impossible. Thus, one falls over in the road, in front of family and neighbors, leaving the newest cyclist standing over you saying “Are you OK Mommy?”

    Funny post. I had to keep the laughter subdued as to not disturb the piano tuner in the other room.

  16. Comment by scank | 01.24.2008 | 11:13 am

    Fatty has got my vote, hope you win!

  17. Comment by Lifesgreat | 01.24.2008 | 11:15 am

    PS: Eeyore is much more of an optimist than that dude on So Very Alone.

  18. Comment by Boz | 01.24.2008 | 11:17 am

    I wrestled that badger into a lawn chair when I first got them. My wife asked if that’s how they’re supposed to work, and if the pain was worth the gain.
    I did it one other time in front of a squad car. I have mad skills.

  19. Comment by cheapie | 01.24.2008 | 11:24 am

    i think i pulled a stomach hammy trying not to laugh out loud here at work. esp at boz’s comments. and was the photographer of your legs wearing a welders mask to shield them from kneecap shrapnel?

  20. Comment by Al Maviva | 01.24.2008 | 11:24 am

    Well, if it’s time for the Annual Ask A Cyclist entry, it’s time for the interminable Annual Al_ternative Answers comment:

    Leg Shaving: We actually do it because the more enthusiastic you are as a cyclist, the more often you crash. Elden is a case in point, the man lives to ride, but have you ever met a worse Crash Baboon? So if you crash a lot it pays to be clean shaven. Didja ever try to pull 1.5″ long leg hairs out of a scabbed, dirty, softball-sized hematoma on your leg? No fun, unless you’re into very unnecessary pain. Come to think of it, if you ride, you probably are. But still. That, and we’re all just as gay as can be. Just ask pretty much every car driver (and particularly every pickup truck driver) who passes you on your Saturday AM ride. Especially the unshaved guys in pickups, who seem to have an uncanny ability to identify gay guys – y’know, every male who rides a bike. At least we could ask them this question if we could hear what they were saying when they drove by, which I’m not willing to admit to.

    Recumbent riders are not all Marxists. In fact, some are Neo-Marxists, a few are nihilists, many are Maoists, some are believers in Juche, which is a combination of Marxism, Maoism, and North Korean Nationalism / Kim Il Sung-Kim Jong Il Worship, some are merely *extremely* liberal, and four of them are Electrical Engineering Professors at Purdue.

    The purpose of drop bars is to take core samples from your thighs whenever you crash. Perhaps you’ve noticed that cyclists are big into supporting anti-cancer causes. That’s because many of us get stricken, in our prime, with thigh cancer. The repetive motion is what causes it. Just look at Elden’s lumpy, tumorous legs. So we as cyclists are committed to looking for a cure, but in the meantime, we’re also committed to getting our pre-cancerous thighs – or perhaps the pre-cancerous thighs of the guys on the group ride we hit on the way down – subjected to a biopsy. And as it turns out, 26 and 31mm sizes are the most convenient sizes for thigh muscle biopsies.

    Doping isn’t rampant in cycling. Cycling, however, is rampant among dopers.

    Food and Chamoises – We do think about things other than food. There’s carbon fiber componentry, the lack of actually comfortable-yet-slim roadbike seats, why chamoises don’t work right, and how cool it would be to have sex if we could get our junk to work right after we have been riding. Maybe if we were to lie back and think of carbon fiber seatposts… Oh yeah, and we also think about how food fits into each one of those fields of endeavor. So we think about more than just food, a situation best expressed by (our thoughts) = (food) + (X).

    If your neighbor is seriously into cycling, I advise you not to go on a ride with him unless you are gay. After all, your neighbor is likely really gay and he just wants to hit on you. Just ask *any* pickup truck driver you meet on the road.

    Bikes and all the accessories aren’t expensive. You just hang around until Elden goes on vacation to Italy, then loot his garage.

    I wouldn’t touch the jersies though. I can smell Fatty’s jerseys from the East Coast. I think the reason his jerseys stink so bad is because of something he ate – everything.

    Thanks. You’ve been a great audience. Try the prime rib. Just make sure you get to the buffet before Elden does. Otherwise you’re eating what’s left of the steamed cauliflower.

  21. Comment by FWCPC | 01.24.2008 | 11:32 am

    Do you ever wonder why recumbent riders wear cycling shorts? I mean it not like they have anything between their legs. While riding that is. Ditto Mike Roadie on the tossing thing. See the following story about a nice lady that had her jail sentence lengthened because of laughing about running over a cyclist while drunk.

  22. Comment by mark | 01.24.2008 | 11:38 am

    Fatty, I am amazed that your quads can be so massive and yet your calves can be so, well, not massive. Just an observation.

    BTW, how’s the shoulder? If your kneecaps did explode, you’d truly have no reason not to get the shoulder surgery at the same time.

  23. Comment by The Onanist | 01.24.2008 | 11:58 am

    FWIW: I am even more freakish than you, Fatty…I ride my MTB on the ROAD and don’t shave my legs. I find that putting some slicks on my MTB for spins around the city (Minneapolis), I don’t have to be quite so attentive to the minute shards of glass that seem to live along the right side of the road and I can hop, ride right over the occasional pothole.

    So I guess when you are in that pack of “roadies” going by some stiff in Lycra and wearing a cycling shirt riding a MTB on the road, you’ll think of me and my MTB brothers/sisters…

  24. Comment by Judi | 01.24.2008 | 12:10 pm

    Great post! I loved it!

  25. Comment by Denver | 01.24.2008 | 12:22 pm

    Interesting that the same people who say that cyclists are gay, usually love Football.

    So it’s OK for football players to wear lycra pants, bend over in a line on national TV in front of million of mostly men, and slap each other on the rear after a great play. But that’s not gay.

    That makes sense.

  26. Comment by Less Fat Mike | 01.24.2008 | 12:58 pm

    Fatty’s post + Al’s post should be the manifesto for a college racing team somewhere. Pure Truth with a capital T the way the greek philosophers meant it. According to Al’s sexual preference theories, the greek philosophers probably all rode bikes too. Wonderful!

  27. Comment by JimB | 01.24.2008 | 12:59 pm

    Careful Denver, You are revealing national secrets and possibly violating the Patriot act and Dick Cheney and the goon squad will be knocking on your door

  28. Comment by Ethan | 01.24.2008 | 1:01 pm

    I’ve always (well, since I’ve been a cyclist) shaved my legs…primarily for vanity.

    But damn! That picture really sells it. I’m going to start shaving EVERYTHING in order to enhance the appearance. Use your imaginations.

  29. Comment by KanyonKris | 01.24.2008 | 1:03 pm

    I think the hairy legs look better. That’s a lie, but I’m a committed no-shaved-legs guy and I work real hard to convince myself that there’s nothing wrong with that. In the same vein as your last post about how we rationalize our diet and exercise procrastination. It’s easy to get carried away in cycling – I just ride.

  30. Comment by Dan K | 01.24.2008 | 1:11 pm


    A “worldly” female friend of mine informed me years ago that it really does make it look bigger. That and something about how most people don’t enjoy hair in their mouth. I’ll leave you to diagnose part two of that statement. Anyway, I have heeded her advice ever since. I can confirm the first part of her statement to be true, and I’ve had the second part confirmed by partners since. So, as they say in the Vault drink commercials, “Get To It!”

  31. Comment by Dan K | 01.24.2008 | 1:14 pm

    This being a family blog, allow me to clear up that when I typed “it” I meant “them”, and of course was referring to the quads. The second part of the statement refers to having the injured leg kissed better after falling over onto a rock. I know this was all reasonably plain to begin with, but didn’t want to confuse anyone.

  32. Comment by joel | 01.24.2008 | 1:15 pm

    Love the comment about riding in packs. I still remember some comic book I read as a kid where one of the non-spandex (and sarcastic) protagonists asked the same rhetorical about superheroes traveling in packs with the answer being that they can always say that all the people laughing as they walk by are laughing at one of the other guys.

  33. Comment by DOM | 01.24.2008 | 1:30 pm

    I always use the drops when I’m short on time. By rotating forward, I can induce the nether region numbness in a fraction of the time it takes riding on the hoods or bar top. Isn’t that why they’re called the “drops?”

  34. Comment by mocougfan | 01.24.2008 | 1:48 pm

    Your a funy man Brother. That’s why I voted for you. Funny, funny man.

  35. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 01.24.2008 | 1:58 pm

    :) I voted.

    For you of course. :P

  36. Comment by PeteDMeat | 01.24.2008 | 1:58 pm

    Wait. Deadspin and the Big Lead?

    Man, good luck with that.

  37. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 01.24.2008 | 1:58 pm

    Oh, and I think your legs are scary…

  38. Comment by Tommy | 01.24.2008 | 2:13 pm

    Hey! stop listening to my inner dialog! I swear I am going to need a tinfoil hat when I ride in the drops from now on.

  39. Comment by flossy | 01.24.2008 | 2:17 pm

    That was hilarious, has put me in a good mood for the start of my day. Love the Lance refernces.

    Votes in, hope you win

  40. Comment by Marrock | 01.24.2008 | 4:35 pm

    You shoulda ’shopped the knees in that second pic, they look angry enough to frighten small children and pets.

  41. Comment by Andy | 01.24.2008 | 4:58 pm

    My wife and I had a great laugh at the badger wrestling reference. I told her she went over as if the Badger had already killed her, Both times, on the same ride.

  42. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 01.24.2008 | 5:02 pm

    I would strongly advise you to shave your legs. It’ll save your marriage. My wife threatened to leave me if I stopped shaving. If your wife gets a nod and a wink from a “shaved” guy you’ll have your work cut out keeping her my man.

  43. Comment by Miles Archer | 01.24.2008 | 5:18 pm

    Recombent cyclists also all run Unix on their home servers.

  44. Comment by randomhigh | 01.24.2008 | 5:38 pm

    your knees follow me wherever I move my head, like washington on the dollar bill… please tell your knees it’s rude to glare…

    thanks for clearing that shaving leg issue… and here I was thinking that maybe it as more aerodynamic or something…

  45. Comment by randomhigh | 01.24.2008 | 6:04 pm

    oops, meant to say “maybe it was more aerodynamic or something…”

  46. Comment by Rio's Rider | 01.24.2008 | 8:21 pm

    Oh, nice legs, Fatty!

    Anyone else notice how much more relaxed Fatty seems in the second leg photo (besides his hyper-flexed knees)? In the hairy photo his hands are clenched with stress. In the shaved photo it’s as if he no longer has to worry about all that extra hair. Or maybe before he shaved he was just worried about nicking himself with the razor. Hmmm…

    I’m with Big Mike In Oz on this one, KanyonKris — time to shave. We need more hairless male legs around the valley.

  47. Comment by 29er | 01.24.2008 | 9:05 pm

    ok, I had to chime in. This is the wife of KanyonKris. It does not bug me that other cyclists shave their legs, but when Kris’ friends razz him about the fact that he doesn’t shave I tell him to blame it on me. His hairy legs are warm and I like them that way!

    Thanks for all the laughs Fatty! We both voted for you of course.

  48. Comment by KanyonKris | 01.24.2008 | 9:45 pm

    Is this a hairless conspiracy? I hear “dude, you’ve got to shave your legs” from my buddy Mark all the time. Did he put you guys up to this?

    As you can see from the above uncoerced comment (honest), my wife likes me the way God/genetics/whatever made me. So, sorry, Big Mike, that shoots holes in your argument (although you’ll probably point out that she doesn’t know what she’s missing).

    Sorry guys, I have to take a stand on my hairy legs (punny!). See, as men we have it pretty good. We (generally) resist prettiness and the associated maintenance that comes with it. We’ve got better things to do like climb mountains, hunt, surf, explore jungles, run rivers, and ride our bikes. Our message to the ladies is: “What you see is what you get”. OK, we may occasionally bathe, comb our hair, or wear clean clothes as a token gesture while dating, but we only extend ourselves so far. But this only works if we are united.

    I’m troubled by certain trends that threaten our idyllic, low-maintenance way of life. Metrosexuals are a dire threat (see These pretty boys are using the arsenal of beautification weapons employed historically by women. Many women like this pretty-boy look. If too many guys go metro, critical mass will be reached and we’ll all have to “pretty up” or never get a date.

    Sure, you’ll say leg-shaving is miles away from metrosexual, but it’s a step in that direction. You disagree? OK, would Dirty Harry shave his legs? John Wayne? The Crocodile Hunter (Steve Irwin, RIP)? Need I go on?

    So just like every raindrop adds to the flood, each shaved leg erodes manliness and moves us one step closer to the metrosexual apocalypse. You have been warned! Repent all ye shavers of legs!

  49. Comment by Dobovedo | 01.24.2008 | 9:45 pm

    Um… in: “How to talk to non-cyclists”, I read:

    “Rule 5. Don’t tell them the truth about how much your bike cost”.

    Unless a Lexus now goes for $499, you just broke Rule 5.

  50. Comment by bikesgonewild | 01.24.2008 | 11:08 pm

    …i felt so good voting for you, i think i’m writing you in for the primaries…

  51. Comment by Ángel Pasos | 01.24.2008 | 11:08 pm

    Great post!! I enjoy reading a lot.

    Regards from an Spanish ciclyst.

  52. Comment by Jill | 01.24.2008 | 11:21 pm

    This post is hilareously dead-on! I’m going to the Bloggies right now to vote for you.

    And thanks for the mention. I’m honored.

  53. Comment by Alex from ZA | 01.24.2008 | 11:30 pm

    Sexy legs Fatty!

  54. Comment by Kalgrm | 01.24.2008 | 11:44 pm


    Being a ‘bent rider, I can answer your question about why we wear bikes shorts. Normal shorts open like a parachute when you ride a ‘bent because the leg holes point forward. These open leg holes are great for catching bees, wasps and flying ants. We actually care a great deal about not gathering too many stinging bugs.

    Then again, maybe that’s why you see so many angry ‘bent riders ….. ;)


    (PS – many of us don’t wear chamoise in our lycra shorts. That really is redundant on a ‘bent.)

  55. Comment by buckythedonkey | 01.25.2008 | 2:48 am

    Isn’t a prize, won by popular vote, for Best Kept Secret somewhat self-defeating?

  56. Comment by yukirin boy | 01.25.2008 | 4:01 am

    I recently opened my briefcase of courage and shaved my legs. No-one mentioned how wierd it felt wearing regular suit pants afterwards.

    Fatty are you sure you didn’t photoshop your untanned shins?

    Voted on the Bloggies too.

  57. Comment by Little1 | 01.25.2008 | 4:32 am

    Brilliant… now when i get asked these questions I can just whip out a print out of this post! and maybe the Al_ternative comment as well.

    I spotted a link up as well…
    Q: why do you get up at 4/4:30am to go and ride?
    A: so that no-one can see us in our crazy fool outfits.

  58. Comment by cyclostu | 01.25.2008 | 5:07 am

    That’s no ordinary bagder! Look at the bones!

    Wait, was it a badger? or a rabbit? or an unlaiden swallow? It could be an African swallow! but then again, African swallows are non-migratory…

  59. Comment by Lee | 01.25.2008 | 5:46 am

    Y’know Fatty, it’s kind of funny……I ride a recumbent bike (as well as other bikes) and have grown a beard for this winter. Is this part of my my being absorbed into the recumbent “collective”? Yet I’m not angry, does that come later?

  60. Comment by Lowrydr | 01.25.2008 | 6:22 am

    Another great read as has become expected Fatty.

    Lee, you become angry later. It’s caused by all your friends refusing to acknowledge you on future road rides because of the funny bike your on. And maybe those bees in the shorts thing like Kalgrm mentions. And I’m a Druid not a Marxist so don’t make me turn the trees against you while riding that dirt trail.

    Peace, Love and Recumbents forever. But I will be on a DF bike once in awhile.

  61. Comment by pantaloonfan | 01.25.2008 | 9:01 am

    I sometimes think that maybe the bent haters are secretly just p.o.’ed that we on DF bikes have numb genitals, sore sitbones, and watch middle-aged dudes with beards sitting in recliners stroll on past us on downhills and flats.

    I’m a pretty big guy, and as such it’s not like I have fast climbing to unpack from my suitcase of courage, and I just can’t manage to ride like a man with three legs or anything of the kind… so I’m left thinking that recumbent riders may have something right.

    I, however, just can’t mentally adjust to the idea of being in that position, and frankly I have way too many traffic lights and don’t want to deal with learning how to stop and start on one. That, and I just don’t want to spend the kind of money they cost.

    And beards make my face itchy.

  62. Comment by joliver3 | 01.25.2008 | 10:13 am

    I’m confused about this one:

    Is cycling all you think about?
    No. I also think about eating. And I dedicate a fair amount of time to thinking about eating while cycling.

    So are you saying that while cycling, you think about eating? Or that at some unspecified time, you think about the act of eating while you are on the bike? Or, most likely, both?

    Me, I pretty much think about cycling all the time, except while I’m riding I tend to do math in my head, like figuring out how much time I have in which to ride the next x miles in order to maintain y average speed, etc. (Yes, I confess, I’m a geek.)

    Oh, and my wife told me early in our relationship that she liked the legs hairy, so hairy they stay.

  63. Comment by Fritz | 01.25.2008 | 11:19 pm

    Nice, Fattie. But I think you shoulda done your “before and after” leg shaving photo like I did:

  64. Comment by Susanna | 01.26.2008 | 9:58 am

    Sorry, I’m lol’ing hard enough that I have to leave a comment. I found your blog through Pioneer Woman (well, full confession, I sorta kinda saw it in the 2008 Bloggies Sports section, but my eyes glazed over and I skipped it because I have no interest in sports whatsoever. The End).

    Anyway, I kept reading because I find your writing informative and entertaining, but I wasn’t going to leave a comment. The thing that pushed me over the edge, both to lol’ing and posting a comment, was your remark about calling “So Very Alone”, “What if Eeyore Was a Human.” That, my friend, is hilarious. And I love it. It’s the best thing I’ve read all week. Maybe all year.

  65. Trackback by Gambling virtual casino games free. | 02.20.2008 | 10:13 pm

    Casino gambling in kentucky.

    Casino gambling in kentucky. Gambling legal age at florida casino. Gambling texas casino night legal. Gambling casino. What states have casino gambling.

  66. Comment by Tom | 04.16.2011 | 1:49 pm

    I am a recreational fat cyclist and a 6′2″ 265lb clyde and I live in Miami, Florida. Every weekend I see hundreds of cyclists most of them riding their carbon bikes. The main thing I don’t understand is the amount of money some of these guys spend on to save a few ounces of weight. I’m not talking about the guys that compete all the time and don’t have an ounce of fat to spare either. It seems the price of light weight components goes up exponentially in relation to the number of grams saved. I think you would agree that you can get a pretty good road bike for $1500. So does spending $3000 or $4000 on a carbon bike make 95% of the weekend warriors any faster? Probably not? I think it’s more of a “Look what I got” pride issue. Bragging rights. Loose that 30lbs and then come show me why you needed to spent three times as much for your bike than I did for mine. Just sayin ;)

    Anyway, I have also shaved my legs. Why? Because I wanted to see what it was all about. I actually liked it because it felt good and I did it for a few months. It became too much of a hassle and the stubble doesn’t feel too good.

  67. Comment by anti blemish solution | 04.29.2011 | 7:34 pm

    Howdy!, Very interesting angle, we have been speaking about the same thing at work and located your website very stimulating. So simply had to com-ment a huge thanks for all your effort. Please sustain the good work your doing!

  68. Pingback by Idiot bicyclists - Page 2 - The Warpath | 06.7.2011 | 8:15 am

    [...] Oh, and you yelling out of your window like a retarded inbred. Guess what? THEY CANT HEAR YOU!! Fat Cyclist ? Blog Archive ? Ask a Cyclist [...]


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.