Register Now for the 100 Miles of Nowhere

04.23.2009 | 11:39 am

A Note from Fatty: Winners of the “Meet BSNYC” contest are being notified by email today. Once I’ve got their OK, I will announce their names.

Finally. Spring is here. The weather is great, and I just can’t think of anything I’d rather do than get outside and ride my bike.

Except, that is, ride my rollers in the dead of night for 100 miles.

So, uh, why don’t you join me?

What The 100 Miles of Nowhere Is

The basic idea of the 100 Miles of Nowhere is that no matter where you are, on May 23 you’re going to either ride your rollers, trainer, or a very small outside course for 100 miles. Or if that sounds like too much, you can do 50 miles. Or 25.

But, ideally, 100.

And since you will be the only one racing in your age group, gender, category, and region, you are clearly going to win your age/gender/region/category group.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m guaranteeing you are going to win. How often do you get that kind of assurance in a race?

Oh sure, as you ride, you will certainly have qualms, and may find yourself saying things like, “I can’t believe I’m riding my trainer for 100 miles,” or “I can’t believe I’m paying to ride my trainer for 100 miles,” but then you’ll remind yourself, “But I’m doing this for a really, really good cause.”

And that cause, of course, is helping Team Fatty raise money to fight cancer. Out of the $75 registration you pay, $50 will go straight to the Lance Armstrong Foundation (the other $25 pays for boxing and shipping and stuff like that — trust me, nobody’s making a profit here).  

And best of all, if you wear a GPS during your ride, you’ll get to upload an awesome ride track. One that looks like this:


Your friends will be so jealous.

What You Get

As I believe I have mentioned before, one of my most practical superpowers is the ability to ask people to give me stuff without feeling ashamed.

And for the 100 Miles of Nowhere, I have used this power on your behalf.

Here’s the valuable schwag you’re going to get when you do this race.


An event t-shirt, designed and produced by Twin Six . Twin Six designs all my jerseys and t-shirts, and they’ve never ever ever disappointed. This will be one shirt that definitely does not become a rag used to wipe the grease off your chain. Not for several years, anyway. Value: $22.00


A tube of DZ-Nuts. Yes, really. If you use chamois cream, it’s high time you try DZ-Nuts. If you have never tried chamois cream, I cannot think of a more perfect time to begin. As I have noted in my review, this is good stuff. Value: $22.00


A Banjo Brothers Seat Bag: These bags open wide and perfectly hold exactly what you need for a roadside tube change: tube, tire levers, mini tool, CO2 can and adapter. And a couple of rolled-up bills in case you need to buy a Slurpie. Every road bike should have one of these. Value: $10.99


TWO Garmin / Slipstream Camelbak Podium Bottles: I recently got one of these bottles for myself…and I liked it so much that I ordered a six-pack of them. They’re the only bottle I use now. Somehow, CamelBak has made the bike water bottle better. A lot better. And the Garmin / Slipstream graphics look great. And how cool is Team Garmin / Slipstream for helping raise money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation? Value: $20.00


CarboRocket Single-Serve packs: How weird is it that one of my very best friends invented what I consider to be the very best sports drink in existence? You’ll get four single-serve packs (perfect for making one bottle’s-worth), letting you try each of the flavors: Kiwi-Lime, Raspberry Lemonade, and maybe some exciting new surprise flavors Brad’s cooking up in his kitchen right now. And, I daresay this is a good opportunity for you to try them out. Value: $6.00


Clif Shot Bloks: The fact that I will, if left to my own devices, eat Shot Bloks recreationally, tells you everything you need to know about them. They taste like jam, and look terrifying when microwaved. Value: $2.00


ProBar : These things taste far too delicious to be organic, and yet they are. And they’re far too delicious, I might add, to be an energy bar. And yet they are. Value: $3.29

All told, your 100 Miles of Nowhere schwag box has right around $84.29 worth of product, and it’s all stuff you’ll actually use, as opposed to the cheesy bag, limp shirt, lame hat, and coupons you won’t use that you get with a lot of your races.

But That’s Not All

Your entry into the 100 Miles of Nowhere also qualifies you for some frankly awesome random “door prizes.”

You might win, for example, the use of — for up to five nights — a beautiful condo in Moab, UT:


Maximum of 5 nights, no pets, use it or lose it — but seriously, if you’ve ever considered coming to Moab for an MTB vacation, this could turn your trip into a seriously styling vacation.

Or you might win a $75 gift certificate good toward a wide variety of gear at UltraRob’s Cycling and Outdoor Gear store.

And finally, you could win one of two subscriptions to Cyclocross Magazine. Nice!

Register Today

Registration for the 100 Miles of Nowhere is open now, and will run for one week — ’til 5:00PM CDT April 30. After that, it’s closed, so don’t wait ’til it’s too late!

Men: Click here to register. Women, click here to register. Then choose your shirt size and you’re all set. Twin Six will send you your swag box in plenty of time for the event.

Then, on May 23rd (or on a day close to the 23rd that’s more convenient to you), do the ride. Make sure you take pictures and send them in; I’ll post ‘em here.

Got questions? Comments? Ideas? Post them in the comments section and I’ll answer the best I can.

This is going to be fun. In a very weird way.


  1. Comment by DOM | 04.23.2009 | 11:44 am

    I’m finally going to win my age group!!!

    I think you’re going to do more than win. I think you are going to CRUSH your age group. – FC

  2. Comment by Erik | 04.23.2009 | 11:46 am

    Is riding around one of the local high school tracks while pimping my wifes Garmin 305 sufficiently “nowhere” or should I think smaller?

    The judges agree that a high school track is a good course size, but express concern that you will become dizzy. For this reason, they recommend that at the 50 mile mark you turn around and ride the opposite direction. – FC

  3. Comment by Koz | 04.23.2009 | 11:53 am

    Nothing I’d rather do on Memorial Day weekend. I’m in.

    Seriously, that’s Memorial Day weekend? I’m so clueless. I mean, I meant for it to work out like that! – FC

  4. Comment by mike h | 04.23.2009 | 11:53 am

    Is this an international event? I didn’t get a place on the sportif I wanted so this would be an excellent stand-in from here in the UK!

    I don’t see why not. If nobody else in the UK registers, you get to declare yourself National Champion! – FC

  5. Comment by Erik | 04.23.2009 | 11:59 am

    Registered.(can’t figure out how to edit comments)

  6. Comment by fattyfan | 04.23.2009 | 12:04 pm

    My team from Atlanta is in – we’ll be doing laps around a racetrack. Just tell me where to send the GPS track!

  7. Comment by Tina | 04.23.2009 | 12:11 pm

    WHY have you included chamois cream in the women’s swag? That just seems like a bad idea.

    DZ-Nuts is non-gender-specific. I think. – FC

  8. Comment by MikeonhisBike | 04.23.2009 | 12:16 pm

    I’m in. Finally a ride where I’m not concerned about getting lost.

  9. Comment by Lizzylou | 04.23.2009 | 12:18 pm

    Is my local 5 mile bike path loop too long to be considered no-where? My idea is to ride the loop 20 times and have my father crew for me in the parking lot… just because I think it would be really fun to chuck empty water bottles at him as I go by.

    The judges find your course acceptable and your intention to chuck water bottles at your father photograph-worthy. – FC

  10. Comment by Aaron | 04.23.2009 | 12:18 pm

    Tina – are you telling me that women NEVER get a saddle sore? If that is true, that is almost enough to offset having to sit down to pee. Almost.

    This is the most ridiculous idea ever. I’m totally in.

  11. Comment by ant1 | 04.23.2009 | 12:22 pm

    Fattyfan: what track are you racing around, if you dont mind my asking? I’ll probably be out of town, but there’s a chance I might do it, and a trainer doesn’t sound that fun. Atlantic Station parking deck is an option.

    Fun? Hmmm. Nope, the contest rulebook doesn’t seem to mention fun anywhere.

    Just to make me feel special, next time you post, would you do that Ant1st thing? – FC

  12. Comment by yeagermeister | 04.23.2009 | 12:22 pm

    We haven’t figured out whether it’ll be a trainer ride or at the local speedway (1/3 mile for 300 laps), or maybe our .8m training race loop, or whether it’ll be daytime or night (the speedway has lights we’d have to get “donated”). But we’re doing it. At least 3 of us.

  13. Comment by Bobby | 04.23.2009 | 12:23 pm

    I’m curious as to how you moved at least 40 feet in every direction while on your rollers. Maybe if I had those rollers I wouldn’t burn so many holes in my carpet.

  14. Comment by fattyfan | 04.23.2009 | 12:28 pm

    ant1 – we’re thinking about the Atlanta Motor Speedway. I’ll post again when we confirm it

    I will DEFINITELY want photos of that. – FC

  15. Comment by ant1 | 04.23.2009 | 12:29 pm

    fattyfan – damn, that sounds like a blast. Please do post when you confirm, I’d love to take part in that.

  16. Comment by Jen | 04.23.2009 | 12:30 pm

    I’m in. It’ll help my training for the ride from Pittsburgh to DC this summer. And I’ll win my age group, which goes up just the week before to 40! Go ME! WIN SUSAN!

  17. Comment by Nick | 04.23.2009 | 12:47 pm

    I don’t have trainers or rollers but I would gladly do this outdoors if that works for Fatty. Basically I’m being a cheap bastard. I’m going to be in England on the 23rd, so I’ll have to do it when I get back or before. :(

    Sure, lots of people are doing this outdoors. The outdoor rule is, you have to create a very small course (one that goes as close to nowhere as possible), measure it, and then do it enough times to make 100 miles. – FC

  18. Comment by Weiland | 04.23.2009 | 12:49 pm

    Can extra shirts be purchased? I’m thinking of a way to get my kids involved might be to solicit donations to LAF on how many laps they do. So gramma might sponsor my 4 year old by giving him 5 dollars for every 1 mile lap he does. She might sponsor the oldest with 1 dollar for each lap. When it was all over they would “invoice” Gramma for the number of laps they did and how much she pledged for each lap. She would then go to my Team Fatty page and make her donation there. I just had too many kids to drop down $75 at this time for 5 of us. However, if I was able to get 4 extra shirts at a reasonable price they would feel involved.

    email or and ask; my guess is they’ll figure a way to accommodate you. – FC

  19. Comment by Stephen | 04.23.2009 | 12:50 pm

    Hmmm. The 23rd is my wife’s due date. I wonder if the hospital will let me bring a trainer and my bike.

    I could be the first guy ever to be biking on a trainer within arms reach of the birth of his child.

  20. Comment by Kt | 04.23.2009 | 1:12 pm

    I didn’t think women were supposed to use DZNuts because it’s not.. um… formulated for a woman’s.. um… you know.

    Can we get some other product instead of that one?

  21. Comment by Lizzylou | 04.23.2009 | 1:17 pm

    @Stephen – forget about the hospital… do you think your wife will mind?

  22. Comment by drKim | 04.23.2009 | 1:25 pm

    I’m in! This sounds so funny. And come on, some of us women DO want to try DZNutz. Coming from one woman who does a lot of TT’s which are rather hard on the hoo-haw….Chamois creme is a must. :-)

  23. Comment by Jamieson | 04.23.2009 | 1:35 pm

    Registered. If I do 100 miles on my lawn, I’m going to spend weeks getting the grass to come back.

    Creative minds say to ride 100 miles in the local McBurger drive through and use the window people for support.

    I’m thinking the trainer on the lawn with a good view of the river and boats passing by, and a grill for brats near at hand.

  24. Comment by cheapie | 04.23.2009 | 1:40 pm

    hey Kt….it’s for the non…ummm…gender-specific parts as well.

    i am SO in. my non-cycling friends already think i’m nutz. this will make them think i’ve gone completely over the edge! heh.

    And that, my friend, is one of the main points of this race. – FC

  25. Comment by Clay | 04.23.2009 | 1:42 pm

    I don’t know why I’m so excited. I’ve never ridden more than 20 miles and I don’t yet own a trainer.

    Details, details…I’m in.

  26. Comment by Julia | 04.23.2009 | 1:59 pm

    What do you do if you don’t own one of those Gamin things? I am going to ride my bike around the block so it wouldn’t be a very interesting pattern but I’m game to send in the GPS of it. Any suggestions?

    I’d say take a screenshot of the Googlemap of the general area and then use MS Paint to fake the GPS track. – FC

  27. Comment by Tina | 04.23.2009 | 2:26 pm

    Thanks cheapie, that clears up a lot :)

  28. Comment by Stephen | 04.23.2009 | 2:30 pm

    @Lizzylou: My wife says that if I am biking while she is in labor, I am going to be hurting worse than she was afterward.

    But if it goes like it did last time, I’ve got 6 hours between the oxytocin injection and the beginning of labor, so I should be okay. (:

    Would there be interest in a site where you enter your city, name, and contact info to facilitate getting together with people in your area and everybody “riding” together in a park or something?

    Good idea. I just set up an area in the Fat Cyclist Forum for that purpose. – FC

  29. Comment by jwbikes | 04.23.2009 | 2:32 pm

    I’m thinking first in my weight class (mega-clyde), age group, team, and city. I might need a trophy made up for this one. Not everyday you can WIN four different categories. The psychosomatic pain has already started.

    By all means, make yourself — and then award yourself in an appropriately pomp-filled ceremony — that trophy. Send photos. – FC

  30. Comment by itmustbeken | 04.23.2009 | 2:41 pm

    My event will include a scenic route of my garage (all good things start there), family room (big screen TV!!), kitchen (closer to snacks), living room (better WiFi reception) and my driveway (for the finish and cheers from confused neighbors).

    I am so going to win this thing. Yeah, I’m awesome.

    That is going to be freaking EPIC. – FC

  31. Comment by slowguy | 04.23.2009 | 2:43 pm

    fattyfan – please do post about the speedway.. I’m an hour North of Atlanta. AMS sounds better than my deck on a trainer or endless one mile loops @ Blankets Creek

    I’m in.

  32. Comment by BuzzLiteBoy | 04.23.2009 | 2:47 pm

    MY wife thinks I’m insane. Wait until she’s getting me snacks from the ‘frig! And I hope I can sling water bottles at her as I empty each one, like LizzyLou! I’ve always wanted to do that on a ride!

  33. Comment by ms. excited | 04.23.2009 | 2:49 pm

    will there be, as previously discussed, certificates to announce our successful completion?

    Oh yes. Definitely. But you’ll probably have to print it yourself. – FC

  34. Pingback by 100 miles of nowhere. « Slow Guy | 04.23.2009 | 2:53 pm

    [...] I am in for 50 – maybe 100 miles.  Anybody else want in?  Read Here [...]

  35. Comment by zeph | 04.23.2009 | 3:09 pm

    it is a little longer course, but i would like to organize either a loop around the point and up north suncrest (6 times) or up and over suncrest back and forth until we reach 100 miles (13.5 times).

    I don’t think the up and over option is doable for many of us (if my math is right that would be 20K feet of climbing – i don’t think any of us would live past 6 – maybe Sam and Rick).

    The loop option would still include 8700 feet of climbing up 8-10% grades.

    it would be brutal, but worthy of the cause for sure.

    any locals willing to give it a go? we could have support at the school parking lot on westfield.

    fatty – it’d be right in your backyard.

    I like this idea, but I’m doing it on my rollers, as originally proclaimed. But I think sometime this Summer I would like to set up a 100 Miles of Suncrest — as many up-n-overs as it takes to do a century. Killeriest century ever. – FC

  36. Comment by Julie | 04.23.2009 | 3:11 pm

    I will sign up by this weekend! I’m really looking forward to this-never ridden 100, and never done more than 2 horus on a trainer.

    I’m in DC-anyone else nearby??

  37. Comment by Jeff | 04.23.2009 | 3:27 pm

    I think 200 laps around our block will do the trick, give or take. This is going to be my stupidest century ride ever.

    Stupidest by a factor of 200, by my math. You are AWESOME. – FC

  38. Comment by BikeCopVT | 04.23.2009 | 3:30 pm

    Already entered! My wife thinks I’m crazy and my kids are afraid I’m going to crash into everything in the house. They don’t quite get the concept of riding a trainer in the house, even though they have seen me do it.

    P.S. I am really excited to do a century during which I don’t have to worry about how far away the next rest stop is.

    Win Susan!

    Yeah, my twins look at me riding the rollers and ask, “Why are you doing THAT?” It’s a fair question, and not an easy one to answer. – FC

  39. Comment by b_banks | 04.23.2009 | 3:55 pm

    Zeph: I’m in.

  40. Comment by Jenny-Jenny | 04.23.2009 | 4:12 pm

    Are all of you women serious? Chamois cream makes the ride so much better. Friction happens, use chamois. Can’t wait for the ride although I’m dreading it a little too. That’s a long time in the saddle but Mike on his bike posted a Dan Henry picture today that I’m going to print so I don’t get lost…that should help.

  41. Comment by Dartanyon | 04.23.2009 | 4:20 pm

    I can’t wait to do this ride. Where do I download the cue sheets from again?

  42. Comment by Clydesteve | 04.23.2009 | 4:46 pm

    Dartanyon – I do not think cue sheets will be available. But perhaps we can come up with some clue sheets. The race can be a combination race and scavenger hunt.

    I am going to tune up my pit bike so I can stay on a bike when I go from the shop to the house for, er, a pit stop.

  43. Comment by jt | 04.23.2009 | 5:28 pm

    I’m going to organize a group ride to nowhere using our local 2-mile road as the course. We’ll have start-line pictures and a post-ride BratFest. The best news is that you’re never more than 2 miles from the next rest stop! May 23 will ROCK.

    Win Susan!

  44. Comment by Marc Ward | 04.23.2009 | 6:31 pm

    Ladies, Ladies, Ladies:

    I know we call it DZ Nuts but I assure you it is designed for women as much as it is for men. Please see quote from Dave Zabriskie:

    “Proper MAINTAINTANANCE of the perineal area is essential during high level training and racing. Nothing can ruin stage race success faster than an infected saddle sore.” Dave Zabriskie

    Ladies explain to the men what a perineum is, maybe use the word EPISIOTOMY in a sentence.

    DZnuts is actually designed for the perineum and sit bone areas, or a farmer or even less cultured bike racer might refer to it as the “taint.”

    At any rate both sexes have a perineum where pressure wounds manifest themselves as saddle sores.

    We have the entire team Columbia/Highroad women’s team using the product and raving about it.

    We have had women write in and want us to change the name….and that is a line even I will not cross.

    We are proud to sponsor this event and fight cancer. I hope the skeptics will try it and love it.

    Marc Ward -President/Scientist/fat cyclist – DZ Laboratories LLC.

  45. Comment by dawn from Houston | 04.23.2009 | 6:59 pm

    I can just see me going around and around my .7 mile suburb neighborhood lake. Oh yes, there will be funny looks, and the neighborhood children are sure to taunt and laugh at me too….

  46. Comment by USAFANARC | 04.23.2009 | 7:21 pm

    I think it is 3.5 miles around the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. So, just over 28 laps would do it. Anyone else in the LA area want to meet at the Rose Bowl and do circles?

  47. Comment by joliver3 | 04.23.2009 | 7:39 pm

    I’ve never ridden 100 miles (done a couple of 100 km rides), and I’ve never ridden my rollers for more than about 45 minutes, so I’m in! And by Memorial Day weekend, the weather here in Michigan ought to be tolerably decent, so what better way to spend it than riding nowhere in the basement? Perfect!

    Actually, I am likely to do this outdoors, weather permitting, but still, I’m in!

  48. Comment by Philly Jen | 04.23.2009 | 8:17 pm

    When I tried to recruit one of my friends to ride this on a pair of trainers with me, he wanted to know: “Is drafting allowed?” Heh.

  49. Comment by Stacie | 04.23.2009 | 8:17 pm

    Definitely want to know more about the Atlanta Motor Speedway, too! I’m only about a 10-15 minute drive from there…or I could bike on over, but that would be cheating on the ‘going nowhere’ dealie, huh?

  50. Comment by matt (ming) | 04.23.2009 | 8:28 pm

    IM in, registered, I have an email out to the Redmond Velodrome if I can do it there, if not a buddy lives on a lake, 3.5 miles around, it would be a brutal century, theres an 18% (for 40 feet) climb on that sucker.


  51. Comment by lindsay | 04.23.2009 | 8:31 pm

    As a female fatty who doesn’t fit into lady cut shirts, will I be throwing the whole thing off by ordering the men’s stuff?

    I need to figure out my route… I think the .2 miles around my block might be a little *too* short. 500 laps might be a bit much.

  52. Comment by Sylvie | 04.23.2009 | 8:44 pm

    So I saw the comment from the UK national… what about the canucks?

  53. Comment by BamaJim | 04.23.2009 | 8:44 pm

    OK, I’m officially in.
    I’ve never done more than 2 hours on the trainer, so I’ve started testing some outside courses. Local middle school track – pretty short, and I think they have soccer games on the infield on weekends. Someone would probably call the police to report a weirdo riding endless laps around the track. There is a slightly over 1 mile loop in the neighborhood that could work though.
    (My wife does think it is completely insane and is encouraging “cheating” with a longer course.)

  54. Comment by aussie kev | 04.23.2009 | 8:51 pm

    160km – cant wait, i will do it overlooking the ocean, should get to see the tide come in and go out.


  55. Comment by miss & stewOZ | 04.23.2009 | 9:15 pm

    Registered! :)

  56. Comment by Suzy | 04.23.2009 | 10:00 pm

    I’m in – I will either ride on my rollers in my non-television equipped home office (just to suck all the joy out of riding), or around my complex which is a measly 1/2 mile which has the added benefit of giving my neighbors something to wonder about. Maybe I can get a few of them to hold the tape at the finish line?

  57. Comment by Grant | 04.23.2009 | 11:20 pm

    Can I suggest people publish their routes on Bikely? I will either go with the trainer, or try this route around Sydney Olympic Park:

    But it has been suggested that it is too long a route!

  58. Comment by stewOZ & miss | 04.23.2009 | 11:37 pm

    miss thoughfully signed me up and then let me know :)

    Can’t wait, this is going to be a hoot.

  59. Pingback by Dobovedo’s Journal of Journeys » Blog Archive » The Road To Nowhere Is On The Road To Helen | 04.23.2009 | 11:41 pm

    [...] Saturday, May 2nd(8 days)TOSRV Saturday, May 9th(15 days)Colavita TT Saturday, May 16th(22 days)100 Miles of Nowhere Saturday, May 23rd(29 days)Colavita TT Saturday, June 13th(50 days)Muncie Endurathon Half Saturday, [...]

  60. Comment by Susan | 04.24.2009 | 12:15 am

    Would I die if I rode 100 miles and I haven’t ridden a bike in 15 years?? I want the shirt – I think I need Dznuts and I’d love to be on the team. And I don’t have a bike. What to do??

  61. Comment by Beej | 04.24.2009 | 1:34 am

    I live in the UK, can I play?

  62. Comment by buckythedonkey | 04.24.2009 | 1:43 am

    Beej, of course you can (see today’s 4th comment).

    Mike H, you are not alone! Come on you Brits!

    Fatty, please let me know if you want us to fork out a wee bit more for International shipping.

  63. Comment by Nick | 04.24.2009 | 2:16 am

    I’ve been bicycle-less since moving to the UK last fall, and it’s been soul crushing. This could be the kick in the pants I need to budget for a new machine.

  64. Comment by Spencer | 04.24.2009 | 5:41 am

    Just entered 3 people for this great event in Eastern Suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. Thinking blackburn velodrome atm or possibly rollers/trainer.
    If we use rollers/trainer what resistance setting should we use so as to make it fair??
    May end up doing this at night as have a 110km road race in the morning :) GPS, helmet cam, and power data will be supplied

  65. Comment by Ron | 04.24.2009 | 6:03 am

    Signed Up Yesterday

  66. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » I feel fine I feel fine I cough cough hack cough feel cough fine I feel cough fine | 04.24.2009 | 7:16 am

    [...] « Register Now for the 100 Miles of Nowhere [...]

  67. Comment by Sam MacCutchan | 04.24.2009 | 7:59 am

    Anyone else in Toronto thinking about doing this? We’d only have to ride around Queens Park 105 times.,-79.391949&spn=0.01068,0.01457&t=h&z=16&msid=112370907435341814504.0004684d0d5a8729db889

  68. Comment by MrsTeamPhillips | 04.24.2009 | 8:36 am

    The female component of Team Phillips (NJ) is in! The team is in negotiations right now as to the actual route to nowhere. The female component is leaning towards parking the trainer in front of the TV and catching up on the entire final season of ER, and/or moving onto the deck if the weather’s nice. The male component is lobbying for a short road loop (over and over and over…). In the name of marital peace, we may just keep our nowheres separate.

    Win Susan!

  69. Comment by Clericeric | 04.24.2009 | 11:03 am

    REGISTERED! But I’ve got to be honest and let you know that I’m planning on cheating. There is NO way my ADD brain could possibly ride 100 miles in one place. I’d fall asleep and have another bike crash. (Last crash I broke my elbow OFF, and had to have surgery.)

    The teasing from my friends was bad enough the first time. Can you imagine?

    (supposed) Friend: “Last time you fell off your bike you broke your arm. How’d you crash this time, Eric?”

    Me: “Oh, I fell asleep.”

    You: “Huh? You dingbat.”

    See what I mean? So I’m going to ride the 100 miles through Alabama’s lovely Lauderdale and Colbert counties. It’s a safety issue.

  70. Comment by MrTeamPhillips | 04.24.2009 | 11:59 am

    The above commented MrsTeamPhillips has guilted (not so much) me into sacrificing my body for a good cause. I am wondering how long it will take the local gendarmes to be notified of a cyclist stalking the neighborhood. (I’ll upload the GPS to count my laps.)

    I am thinking that 100 equivalent miles on the trainer might send me over the edge, I can only get about 100 minutes in. Again for the sake of marital bliss TeamPhillips may be riding separately.

    I have to say that I am very proud that my wife is stepping up to the plate for this ride as we really haven’t done any riding together yet this year.

    Great job as always Fatty.

    WIN Susan!

  71. Comment by KitC | 04.24.2009 | 12:58 pm

    Totally ready to go. Gonna set up the trainer in the driveway (assuming no May showers) and spin, spin, spin. I think I may try to get a sign to set up so all the people driving by understand what kind of craziness I’m engaged in.

    Ooh, oh. I’m going to print up a bib number!

  72. Comment by Clay | 04.24.2009 | 1:55 pm

    Love the Bib number idea KitC, hilarious!

  73. Comment by Redbird74 | 04.24.2009 | 2:19 pm

    I think I’ll be trying this and will win the Middle Eastern title. I’m in Qatar and will have to do it outside (don’t have a trainer since it’s always riding weather). That being said, a straight length of road to a round about and back to another round about in Qatar is about as boring as it can get. Seriously, that 3.5km stretch cannot be much better than a set of rollers. Plus, the temperature should be hitting near 100 by then which will add some misery. Never done a century before but what a way to start! If I survive this one I’ll come down to Philly from Toronto in August.

  74. Comment by cloud19th | 04.24.2009 | 3:18 pm

    I’m so excited! Now I can’t decide if I want to use a spin bike (I don’t have a trainer) and have booming music for 5 hours or do 100 1-mile loops between my house and a lake!
    Thanks, FC, for having us join in on the fun!

  75. Comment by Lisa C. | 04.24.2009 | 3:18 pm

    So I’ll be spending Memorial Day weekend in a hotel in Bowling Green, Kentucky, with various siblings, parents, nieces and nephews for what we call a “family reunion” — but translates to two days of “adults sit in the bar and get snockered while the kids terrorize everyone else in the hotel pool.”

    The notion of riding 100 miles on the hotel’s 20-year-old clanking travesty of an exercise bicycle leaves me … nonplussed at best. Especially since they don’t allow alcohol in there.

    I assume that changing “100 miles” to “100 seconds” totally defeats the spirit of the thing, even though I strongly feel that 100 seconds would be at the upper limit of my endurance (did I mention that the exercise room is the size of a broom closet and has no ventilation?).

    So instead, can I do it the weekend before?

  76. Comment by Kevin Vigor | 04.24.2009 | 3:39 pm

    My wife & I are *in*. Thinking of doing laps of Liberty Park, mowing down rollerbladers and babystrollers relentlessly, maybe a stop to ride the scary ancient ferris wheel.

  77. Comment by Todd in Chicago | 04.24.2009 | 4:47 pm

    Just got approval from the tower – I’m in. Even though it will be around two weeks after our second little one is due…. had to spend a bit of marriage capital for this. Excellent.

    My trainer is in long-term storage here in Chicago so I’m going outside. I’m planning on going around Northerly Island on Lake Michigan/Chicago that morning. For at lest 50 miles for sure. Just depends on how the wife and little one is doing that day. Anyone around is welcome to join me, but I’m not the fastet rider in the world (~15 avg is about my speed) Not sure of the start time yet, but it will be early I’m sure.


  78. Comment by skippy | 04.24.2009 | 6:11 pm

    I could ride 100 miles in any direction where I live and still be “nowhere”. Does this still count? For bonus points I could do it on my mountain bike in knee deep sand, hurricane force winds, and with only one bottle of water.

    Sounds epic, eh?

  79. Pingback by Great Gifts Review » Register Now for the 100 Miles of Nowhere | 04.26.2009 | 1:57 am

    [...] the rest here: Register Now for the 100 Miles of Nowhere Share and [...]

  80. Comment by Justin | 04.26.2009 | 9:34 am

    How long would it take a rather slow dude who’s never ridden longer than say 5 miles to ride 100 miles?

  81. Comment by Travis | 04.27.2009 | 2:24 am

    entered!!! Anyone else in Beijing want to ride with me?

  82. Comment by Rudi | 04.27.2009 | 11:24 am

    It’s all about the timing, isn’t it? Because the day after this is Mountains Of Misery, which while it is, more-or-less, nowhere, it does traverse a lot of terrain and features a lot of vertical.

    But I don’t think it’s the best idea to do a full-length, if flat-as-a-pancake, century the day before MoM. But I’ll be with y’all in spirit.

  83. Pingback by Athletes Giving » Blog Archive » A Case of the Mondays | 04.27.2009 | 11:34 am

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  84. Comment by Nick | 04.27.2009 | 4:31 pm

    I think 800 laps at the local velodrome would be about as small as humanly possible. Time to ask around…

  85. Comment by Keith | 04.27.2009 | 9:12 pm

    My wife Kasia and I are registered. She thinks we should do ~403 laps at the Marymoor Velodrome, but I’m not sure I can finish that with my sanity intact.

  86. Comment by Rickee | 04.28.2009 | 12:51 pm

    will be riding for our Laguna Loop training ride for Baguio ride, what a sufferfest it will be.

  87. Comment by Mary | 04.28.2009 | 7:26 pm

    Woo hoo – registered! Now I have this as a training goal, to be ready for a century that weekend.

    In my first century last year I was caught in a fast-moving thunderstorm that spawned a tornado, which blew down the tree next to where I was huddling for shelter, then got hailed on as I rode toward better shelter. I’m anticipating a less exciting, but possibly more fun, first century this year!

  88. Comment by David | 04.28.2009 | 8:14 pm

    Is it normal that Twinsix is charging $9 for shipping? I thought that’s what 25 of the 75 dollars was for.

  89. Comment by fattyfan | 04.29.2009 | 8:31 am

    Looks like some of us are doing the Atlanta Motor Speedway, parking near the giftshop (Never been, don’t ask me where that is) and starting between 9 and 9:30. Or whenever. Does it really matter?

  90. Comment by Bull | 04.29.2009 | 8:49 am

    I’m in. And I’m eschewing the rollers and the trainer to do the cul-de-sac. I don’t know how many laps, maybe like a thousand will do it. And yes, I will post GPS.

  91. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Mr. Grumpy Legs | 04.29.2009 | 11:00 am

    [...] Note from Fatty: Tomorrow is the last day you can register for the 100 Miles of Nowhere. Remember, in addition to all the cool stuff you get, you’re also helping Team Fatty help the [...]

  92. Comment by Tracy | 04.29.2009 | 11:28 am

    I was wondering the same thing as David – I thought shipping was part of the $75 but Twinsix is asking for another $9…

  93. Comment by Will | 04.29.2009 | 2:43 pm

    I’m in – lookin’ to ride at a local velodrome – have one buddy in with me, trying to rally the troops.

  94. Comment by Will | 04.29.2009 | 3:35 pm

    Oops – thought I’d mentioned this – the velodrome century would be 644 laps… 250m each…

  95. Comment by Jeff | 04.29.2009 | 6:29 pm

    I’m so tempted to, I need to convince my wife it’s worth it to spend 75$ on a ride to nowhere when I’m laid off and have no income.
    I’ll see what the last day has in store. I was going to buy some water bottles anyways, and these ones are FREE! That’s like, “I wasn’t going to buy shoes, but they were 50% off if I bought two pairs” but she hasn’t done that yet unfortunatly so I can’t hold it against her.

  96. Comment by Jeff | 04.29.2009 | 6:31 pm

    And she thinks 1100 laps around my daughters track at her school seems like a bit much. Dizzy would be a big factor- I so want to do this. I’ll see if I can dig up some personal donations :)

  97. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » I Am An Ardent Supporter of All Things Bike-Related, No Matter What | 04.30.2009 | 7:39 am

    [...] In fact, registration ends at 5pm CDT. If you’re going to register, you’d better read details here and then go register here (if you want a men’s t-shirt) or here (if you want a women’s [...]

  98. Comment by brett | 04.30.2009 | 5:55 pm

    This sounds like pure torture, but I’m a sucker for a race T-shirt. Plus, I need to catch up on all my TIVO’d Matlock episodes….

  99. Comment by bz | 04.30.2009 | 7:53 pm

    Trying to figure out the day. As a fallback is it okay if I turn this into a stage race?

  100. Pingback by that which rolls » Blog Archive » Crime Fighter: Evil Doers Beware | 05.2.2009 | 7:26 pm

    [...] I suppose this is kind of like my version of Fat Cyclists 100 miles of nowhere… except that I’ll be riding really slow so it’ll be more like 30 – 40 miles of [...]

  101. Comment by Bret Zimmerman | 05.6.2009 | 9:17 am

    Fat Cyclist!!!

    we are trying to plan a 100 miles of nowhere here in minneapolis and i just realized that i’m 6 days late on registering. we are planning a 100 miles of nowhere around Lack Calhoun which is a Lake within the city of minneapolis. i have a feeling there will be a decent group doing it as well, we’ve been trying to get this going for a couple years now and this seems like the perfect arena to do it!! also we are doing this within the city of TWINSIX!!! if at all possible could their be a window to open up registration for my fellow twin city lovers?? thanks so much. even if we dont get registered we will probobly do it!. thanks and good luck.


  102. Comment by Bret Zimmerman | 05.6.2009 | 9:18 am

    email is.

    thanks again.


  103. Comment by Natalie | 05.9.2009 | 9:24 pm

    Fat Cyclist,

    Dude! I just heard about this ride from a friend of mine TODAY!! I wish I would have known about it earlier. I understand that registration has been closed, but I too would like to ask if there is any way that I could register late for this event?. I would really like to do this & to be able to be a part of the official trainer ride. If there is any way that I could register, could you please let me know by emailing me at Thanks for your time.

  104. Comment by Kai | 05.11.2009 | 4:13 pm

    Bummer I just stumbled onto this. If you’ll accept a late registration I’ll ride across the Golden Gate Bridge 60 times. That’s 102 miles. If not, I’ll keep an eye out for next year.

  105. Comment by Shannon | 05.21.2009 | 3:20 pm

    For all those in Atlanta… the Sorella Cycling club will be at the Speedway on Sat 23rd at 9am for 100 miles of hilarity…. will you be there??

  106. Pingback by No Reason Why. » Blog Archive » 100 Miles of Nowhere. | 05.21.2009 | 5:56 pm

    [...] over at Fat Cyclist is hosting the second annual “100 Miles of Nowhere” this Saturday. “Hosting” is potentially an inadequate term, since we fortunately [...]

  107. Pingback by 39 Miles to Cheyenne. « SkiMoab | 05.28.2009 | 3:28 pm

    [...] pass up on the ride, but I also felt bad that I hadn’t registered in time for Fatty’s 100 Miles of Nowhere being ridden all around the [...]

  108. Pingback by The 2nd Annual 100 Miles of Nowhere Race | 06.4.2009 | 12:57 am

    [...] What is this? → O t h e r Race Reports [...]

  109. Pingback by Antirobot » Blog Archive » Race Report: 100 Mile of Nowhere | 08.17.2009 | 8:09 pm

    [...] participated in Fatty’s 100 Miles of Nowhere bicycle race this weekend. It’s basically the most ridiculous “race” ever, where you ride a [...]

  110. Pingback by Famine before the feast « Off the Gravel Road | 02.5.2010 | 1:46 pm

    [...] of indoor punishment and mind-numbing dullness at hand.  With any luck, Fatty will host another 100 Miles of Nowhere this year and I can participate and find out what true pain is all [...]

  111. Comment by Teresa | 08.28.2010 | 8:57 pm

    Hello, I was requiring about when is the next registration for fat cyclist.

  112. Pingback by Resurrected Post: I am a Fat Cyclist « The Race of Truth | 11.1.2010 | 9:08 am

    [...] both competed in the 100 Miles of Nowhere and won our [...]

  113. Comment by chengxiaoshi | 01.13.2011 | 10:21 pm

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  114. Comment by Steph | 03.25.2011 | 5:44 am

    I’m in – totally missed registration, so I’ll be BANDITING the 100 Miles to Nowhere around the 2.85 mile loop in my neighborhood in Roswell GA on May 23. Hee, I feel so rebellious now. : )

  115. Comment by kathy | 05.23.2011 | 10:27 am

    Just got started with the first 10 miles, never gone more than 35 miles, shooting for 50 miles. Reading Townies by Dubus and glad to be healthy enough to do the ride.


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