3 AM

05.13.2009 | 11:05 am

I don’t have anything clever to say about bicycles today.

Wait. That was far too specific. I should have said, “I don’t have anything clever to say today.” No need to narrow it down to bikes.

But I have my reasons. And I’m going to subject you to that set of reasons right now.

I apologize in advance.


It is a scientific fact that no battery on any smoke alarm ever runs out of juice except between the hours of 3:00 and 4:30 AM. Say, for example, it’s a battery’s time to go, and it’s only 11:00 PM. All of the other batteries in the world will get together and concentrate very hard, lending good vibes and energy and willpower to that on-last-legs smoke alarm battery, giving it the strength it needs to hold on ’til 3:00 AM.

And so, at 3:00 AM — on the nose — this morning, I was wakened by a chirp.

Then, at 3:00:30 AM, I was awakened by another chirp.

At 3:01 AM, I was awakened by another chirp. This time, I was sufficiently awakened that I recognized the chirp for what it was. “Well, it’s 3:00 AM,” I thought. “This seems like the perfect time for me to go on a scavenger hunt for a 9-volt battery, followed by a game of chirping-smoke-alarm Marco Polo.”

I trudged petulantly to the fridge. And I’m dead serious about the petulance of my trudging. If you had seen me trudge, you would have been astonished at how effectively I can communicate petulance with mere footsteps.

The reason I went to the fridge, of course, was to see if there were any 9-volt batteries in it.

There were. Ten of them, still in their original packaging.

[Quick Aside: I'm pretty sure it's fairly common practice for people to keep new batteries in the fridge. Am I correct in that? Also, is there any basis to the conventional wisdom that batteries keep longer if refrigerated? Has there been a Mythbusters episode on that? It almost doesn't matter to me, because I have kept new batteries refrigerated ever since I've owned a fridge and like the fact that I always know where the batteries are, regardless of whether this is actually helpful (or maybe it's actually even harmful?) to the useful life of the battery.]

I spent four minutes grappling with cellophane, then started listening to the chirp in earnest.

Where could it be?

First Attempt

From the relative softness of the chirp and from the fact that I don’t like to go into the basement at night because it’s really cold down there, I decided the chirp was coming from upstairs. I trudged (petulantly, still) to the top of the stairs, then waited for the chirp.

And so the fire alarm decided it should start taking four times as long between chirps, to make the game of Dead Smoke Alarm Battery Marco-Polo more challenging.

Eventually, the chirp came, from the left. I went and stood under the smoke alarm at the end of the hall, gazing up at it, expectantly, thinking to myself, “I cannot think of a single thing I would rather be doing right now.”

The chirp came again. Right from up there. I had guessed right the first time.


I dragged a chair from what I lovingly call “The Roller Room.” I have named the room thusly because that’s where my rollers are. It’s also where Susan’s jewelry and craft equipment is kept, and the rest of the family calls it “the craft room,” but I’ll be damned if I’m going to tell anyone that “I’m headed up to the craft room for a couple hours.”


In a moment I had pulled out the old battery and put in the new one. I then dragged the chair back into The Roller Room, and started walking back down the stairs.

And then I heard the chirp again.

Second Attempt

I pivoted, halfway down the stairs, and walked back up, upgrading my emotive level of trudginess to “put upon.” I then stood under the hallway alarm ’til I heard the chirp again.

No, that chirp was definitely not coming from the hallway smoke alarm.

I trudged — perfecting my put-upon trudge technique — downstairs, opened the fridge, got another 9-volt battery (taking a moment to be glad that I had started with more than one 9-volt in the fridge), and went back upstairs.

This time, using my powers of deduction — it couldn’t be the hall alarm and it shouldn’t be the twins’ alarm because I remember changing it fairly recently — I deduced it ought to be The Roller Room alarm.

Plus, I liked the fact that I would only have to drag the chair about eighteen inches to be in the right spot for changing the battery.

I made the swap, did not bother moving the chair back into its correct place, and started heading back downstairs.

And then I heard the chirp again.

Third Attempt

I pivoted and went back upstairs. By now I was pretty well awake and had upgraded my trudge to a peevish march. I stood in the doorway between the hallway and Roller Room alarms, trying to tell which could possibly be the offender.

The chirp told me it was neither.

And that’s when I had a flash of brilliance: we also have a guest room.

You may think it strange that I had until this point completely neglected the possibility that the chirping could be coming from the guest room, but the door to that room is always closed. Nobody goes in except when guests are here, and then only guests go in. Sure, it’s part of the house, but we don’t think about it much.

The guest room door is also very nearly at the end of the hall.

I opened the door just in time to hear a — much louder now, thanks — chirp.

Downstairs I went, to fetch the third battery of the night.

Opening the fridge door, I considered how fortunate it was that we had a whole big-box-store-sized box of 9-volts on hand, since I evidently was in the process of doing stair intervals and changing every smoke alarm battery in the house. At 3:00 AM. Or rather, 3:15, now.

I replaced the battery, this time certain I had changed the right one. I shut the door and started doing my “grateful to be going back to bed at last” walk down the stairs.

And then I heard the chirp again.

Fourth Attempt

I pivoted and went back upstairs. I really was absolutely positive that the smoke alarm in the guest room was the one making the noise, but stood under it until it chirped again to make certain.

Yes, no question about it.

I considered: could the chirp mean not that the battery was dead, but that the alarm was defective? Maybe. Could it mean that there’s a very small fire nearby, one that merited occasional chirping instead of full-on blaring? Maybe. Could it mean that I put the battery in wrong?

Yes. It could definitely mean that.

I got the chair back out of The Roller Room, opened the battery door and looked. No way to tell if it was in wrong from there. I took out the battery and checked.

Yes, that was it. I had put the battery in wrong.

I put the battery back in — this time really thinking it through — and started heading back downstairs.

This time I was almost certain I would hear the chirp again.

But I did not. I had — finally — triumphed.


I laid back down, grateful to finally be back in bed.

And then, for the next hour and a half, I contemplated the fact that once one has climbed the stairs half a dozen times (or so) and done no small amount of sleuthing, battery changing, more sleuthing, more battery changing, and then troubleshooting and battery changing, one might arrive at two very important truths. Specifically:

  1. If one were to use my hallway’s smoke alarm as the center of a six-foot circle, one would find four smoke alarms in that circle (the hallway, the guest room, the Roller Room, and the twins’ room).
  2. I was now thoroughly awake.


  1. Comment by Jenny-Jenny | 05.13.2009 | 11:16 am

    Aargh. Sleep interruptus. Why is it those things always happen in the middle of the night? Thanks for the descriptions of the trudge succession, I could feel your pain.

  2. Comment by Clydesteve | 05.13.2009 | 11:19 am

    Had you consulted me earlier, Fatty I could have solved both promlems. With one answer. Since you didn’t consult me, this becomes more of a taunt.


    1. Store the batteries in the freezer. If some cold is good…

    2. Put all smoke alarms into the distant and well insulated freezer until morning.

  3. Comment by cheapie | 05.13.2009 | 11:19 am

    i’m just amazed you had that many 9 volt batteries! and how did you put the battery in wrong? don’t they have a male and female side that can’t be mixed up?

  4. Comment by Clydesteve | 05.13.2009 | 11:20 am

    Though, had I consulted you, you could probably help my spelling troubles…

  5. Comment by Lissee (formerly known as Bitter) | 05.13.2009 | 11:21 am

    So did you really have three dead batteries? Or did you just keep missing the one in the guest room?

  6. Comment by Weiland | 05.13.2009 | 11:23 am

    The smoke alarm batteries are the first to go. Now go change the battery in your cycle-computer because these things seem to coincide with the fire alarm battery being the indicator that the computer battery will go out on an important ride where you would want proof that you went 62.29 mph.

  7. Comment by b | 05.13.2009 | 11:28 am

    If it makes you feel any better, I had the EXACT same problem three months ago except my alarm chose 2:30am. After the second attempt on the wrong alarm I was too darn tired so I took all the alarms down and put them in the garage for the next morning.

  8. Comment by MikeonhisBike | 05.13.2009 | 11:28 am

    I have had that happen before but I was too lazy to hunt for a battery so I just disconnected the whole smoke alarm which was still chirping, covered it with a pillow and put it in the garage until morning. Laziness is the mother of invention. This was at 3am by the way.

  9. Comment by Kt | 05.13.2009 | 11:31 am

    Sounds like you were channeling Marvin the Paranoid Android this morning.

    Did you hate everything?

    “Here I am, brain the size of…”

    i’m always channeling one Hitchiker’s character or another. I feel more like Arthur Dent right now, but can see where you might get the Marvin vibe. – FC

  10. Comment by BurkeInTheOzarks | 05.13.2009 | 11:33 am

    Okay, I have a couple of questions.

    Did you throw out the probably-not-really-dead batteries from the 3 smoke detectors you changed out before finding the right one?

    Is it actually possible to install a 9-volt battery backwards? One side is begger than the other. Then again, I guess it was the middle of the night and you were sleep-changing…

    That said, it was still an amusing story. Thanks for sharing.

    I did throw out the not-really-dead batteries, but I have since retrieved the one that had been in the hallway and put it back in the fridge, because it was actually pretty recently installed. The other battery was the cheap-o battery that originally came with the smoke alarm and so was overdue (by about three years) to be replaced anyway.

    It is possible to install a 9-volt battery backwards if the appliance has the right kind of contact points — flat plates instead of the special male/female contacts you usually see on 9-volt-battery-using things. Which of course, is the case for my smoke alarms. – FC

  11. Comment by jenjen | 05.13.2009 | 11:41 am

    I’ve had that happen too when Jeff was out of town. I put a pillow over my head.

    Hugs to your family.


    And don’t think for a moment the battery didn’t know jeff was out of town. – FC

  12. Comment by Mike Roadie | 05.13.2009 | 11:52 am

    Yeah, but your workout is already done for the day!!!

    Team Fatty AUSTIN rocks!

  13. Comment by KanyonKris | 05.13.2009 | 11:56 am

    Ah, the joyful early morning smoke detector dance. It makes me resent our supposed technological advancements when I’m reduced to a battery changer. Just who’s serving what here?

  14. Comment by Di | 05.13.2009 | 12:02 pm

    Batteries in THE FRIDGE? And so continues my Internet surfing education…

  15. Comment by Corey | 05.13.2009 | 12:04 pm

    So I guess that whole thing about changing the batteries automatically on daylight savings time is probably a good idea after all…unless you live in AZ…

  16. Comment by Big Boned | 05.13.2009 | 12:09 pm

    My fire alarm gives more of a “bleet” than a “chirp” when the battery is low. I’ve found a well placed .45 round quiets mine ’til morning – and my wife never stirs…

  17. Comment by WheelDancer | 05.13.2009 | 12:13 pm

    I built a house about 25 years ago and they put in hard-wired smoke detectors. About a week after we moved in they chirped, yes it was at 3:00 am. It wasn’t just one though, every single one in the house went off each about a quarter second after the one before so it sounded like a phaser penetrating the entire house. But it only did it once until about 20 minutes later when it did the exact same thing and then 20 minutes later still for the last time that night. We had no clue what caused it but it stopped and we forgot about it until six days later when it did it again. Much hunting around for a cause netted no result and like the prior week, it only happened three times.

    Another six days, another round of phaser shots and I am ready to pop a vein in my neck. This time I just sit and listen for it and discover it coincides with the water softener cycle which trips the sump pump that happens to be on the same circuit as all the smoke detectors. When the sump kicks in, it drops the current below the smoke detector’s power out threshold and they let out a warning but since it’s just the result of the initial power draw of the sump they return to silent when the power returns to full strength. The next day the builder sent the electrician over to put the smoke detectors on their own circuit and sleep returned.

  18. Comment by nickc | 05.13.2009 | 12:17 pm

    You are over-alarmed, my sleep deprived friend…

    One. In the Hall way. Mine will detect when I “cook” sausages downstairs in the Kitchen.

  19. Comment by Steve | 05.13.2009 | 12:17 pm

    I’m convinced that keeping new batteries in the refrigerator makes them last longer.

    I’m also equally convinced that I should bring in the batteries from my bike headlight because our garage isn’t heated and the batteries will lose their charge quicker in the cold.

  20. Comment by Marrock | 05.13.2009 | 12:19 pm

    If the battery just slides in instead of using that fitted terminal end whatsit, they yes, it is rather easy to put the bloody thing in the wrong way when sleep-befuddled and grumpy.

  21. Comment by HowardBollixter | 05.13.2009 | 12:25 pm

    Considering the fact that any single smoke alarm alarming, can be heard by my neighbors, and in Belgrade, it is baffling why code requires so many in the house. I disconnected the 110volt and use a battery in only one now. And indeed it conspires with itself to unfailingly fail at 3:00 a.m.

  22. Comment by gargoyle | 05.13.2009 | 12:30 pm

    I have the same problem that nickc has. When I cook food (and it doesn’t even have to be something like bacon or sausages that smoke, etc., it can just be boiling pasta) the smoke alarm goes off. The wife and I (when we are in a good mood) laugh and say, “Well, dinner must be done, the smoke alarm is going off”. When in a bad mood, I beat the alarms to death with a hockey stick.

    My favorite was when the alarm went off because I got out of a steaming hot shower. Opened the bathroom door, and two minutes later, the smoke alarm is going off. W… T… F…?

    Sorry you lost the sleep.

  23. Comment by bikemike | 05.13.2009 | 12:41 pm

    smoke alarms are like check out lines in the grocery store. everybody waits till the last minute and then they all head to checkout at one time. i hate that.

  24. Comment by Linda | 05.13.2009 | 12:47 pm

    Yes, the batteries in my house are stored in the fridge. Yes, the smoke detector goes off at 3 AM when the batteries die. And yes, for hours after that, my 6 birds all chirp, sing and talk (one is a parrot who repeatedly asks “What are you doing?” ad infinitum) joyously and loudly in unison for 3 hours after hearing the beep from the smoke alarm.

  25. Comment by Robert | 05.13.2009 | 12:48 pm


    Sorry. I set the alarm a little early. Guess I forgot about the time zone change from the east coast. Won’t happen again….promise…

  26. Comment by MOCougFan | 05.13.2009 | 12:51 pm

    I’m way to lazy. I’d figure out the offender. Rip it off the ceiling and put it somewhere in the garage. My wife would remind me to change it the next day. When I was awake.

  27. Comment by MattC | 05.13.2009 | 12:54 pm

    I’ve always been convinced that sometime back when the concept of smoke detectors had just been invented, ALL the interested manufacturers got together and hashed out the production details. FIRST and foremost was they all had to mimic the elusive chirping cricket sound for low battery…able to totally make you believe the sound is coming from somewhere else. Then there also HAS TO BE some sort of optical sensor circuit that can tell when it’s dark, along with a timer that allows it to go a few hours past that to start chirping. THEN there must be some sort of motion-detecting circuit to get it to STOP chirping when you get near it….sort of a frustrating audio HOT and COLD game… they are really quite amazing devices!

  28. Comment by hp | 05.13.2009 | 1:03 pm

    The last time the battery died at 3 am, I took it out. Haven’t replaced it yet. Detector cover open, no battery, probably at least two years running now. Oops.

  29. Comment by Rick S. | 05.13.2009 | 1:13 pm

    my ceiling has 3 wires hanging out of it where a smoke alarm once was. I was so mad, I ripped it out of the ceiling.

  30. Comment by the Road Doc | 05.13.2009 | 1:21 pm

    As a firefighter, I feel I must implore you all to replace those batteries every six months. They keep you safe, and you can avoid 3 AM hunting trips.



  31. Comment by Bandit | 05.13.2009 | 1:47 pm

    Regarding keeping them in the fridge… http://ask.yahoo.com/20011219.html

    It may actually cause them not to work initially when installing them at 3am into your clever alarms.

  32. Comment by Dobovedo | 05.13.2009 | 1:54 pm

    And here I would have assumed that the most logical reason to put batteries in the fridge is because that’s where the Jell-O cups are! Can’t very well go on a 3 AM Smoke Alarm Chirping Reduction Spree without being first having the requisite 3AM snacks!

  33. Comment by Dobovedo | 05.13.2009 | 1:54 pm

    [delete] “being”

  34. Comment by Jot | 05.13.2009 | 2:15 pm

    I have a simple process. At 0330 when one of those starts beeping I find it and replace it. And then I replace every other battery at the exact same time, so that I don’t have to try to hunt down those damn beeps.


  35. Comment by Annie | 05.13.2009 | 3:13 pm

    If I had undertaken this myself, I would have awakened my husband after all that, just to share my anger. How awful.

  36. Comment by Rob M. | 05.13.2009 | 3:37 pm

    I don’t keep the batteries in the refrigerator. I keep the batteries by the heater. They last exactly one hour longer, so the smoke detector will fail at 4AM.

    Or, perhaps, the warmth shortens battery life by 23 hours. I don’t know.

    I hope this helps.

  37. Comment by dug | 05.13.2009 | 4:25 pm

    “I don’t like to go into the basement at night because it’s really cold down there”

    whatever. scared of the dark.

  38. Comment by dug | 05.13.2009 | 4:27 pm

    i’m confused by the freezer/fridge battery thing. for example, when i use my camera in the winter, the battery dies in like 10 minutes. does the cold only help batteries that have never been used?

  39. Comment by sansauto | 05.13.2009 | 4:31 pm

    Haven’t you ever heard of a hammer? They turn off smoke detectors AND cell phones with annoying ring tones.

    The hammer is convenient, easy to operate, and leaves you with a sense of satisfaction when the job is done.

  40. Comment by Clydesteve | 05.13.2009 | 4:40 pm

    and, don’t forget – Anything can be a hammer! – Red Green

  41. Comment by KanyonKris | 05.13.2009 | 5:02 pm

    I’ll be Mr. Science Guy and answer the cold battery questions.

    Storing alkaline batteries (most one-use batteries these days are alkaline) at a lower temperature does reduce the self-discharge rate. But that rate is less than 2% per year at room temperature so it doesn’t make that much difference to store them cold. Another source indicated that storing alkaline batteries in the fridge for a long time (more than a year) dries out the liquid needed for the chemical reaction that produces electricity inside the battery so it may actually reduce their life, if the batteries aren’t stored in an air-tight container.

    Many battery types perform poorly when cold because the cold slows down the chemical reaction that produces electricity, thus less electricity. Alkalines do OK, but at 32 F they can only supply 65% of normal power and are almost useless below 0. Rechargeable batteries are even worse. The one-use lithium (non-rechargeable) batteries do much better in the cold and I’ve used them in the teens and single-digits in my digital camera.

  42. Comment by Miles Archer | 05.13.2009 | 5:50 pm


  43. Comment by An with Divvy | 05.13.2009 | 6:16 pm

    Just discovered your blog and enjoying your storytelling :)

  44. Comment by Kathleen | 05.13.2009 | 7:05 pm

    I’m hear to corroborate the whole 3am thing…ours starting chirping the other night too…I made myself go back to sleep :-)

  45. Comment by Kathleen | 05.13.2009 | 7:05 pm

    Oops, I mean here. Not hear. Oh, you know what I mean. Tired.

  46. Comment by DougG | 05.13.2009 | 7:14 pm

    If you install a battery backward its the same as if there’s no battery in it. The smoke detector would not get any power at all so it shouldn’t of even chirped.
    About the only thing I can think of is that the battery was still cold when you installed it so it wouldn’t of been at full power. By the time you reinstalled it, it had warmed up enough to power the smoke detector.
    Being a firefighter I also urge everyone to check their detectors and batteries. There’s nothing like getting a call at 3 A.M because someone didn’t know the difference between a low battery alarm and a actual alarm.
    Fatty, your local fire department would thank you for not phoning them because of this!

    I decided to test your assertions by intentionally flopping a (fresh, warm) battery so it’s in wrong in a smoke alarm. Here’s what I found:

    1. The LED for my smoke alarms never went off, even when there was no battery in at all. This is probably because my smoke alarm — like most modern smoke alarm systems I think — normally draws power from house current, only using the battery for backup.

    2. Without a 9-volt battery in at all, the sliding door mechanism for my smoke alarm’s battery holder won’t close. When the sliding door isn’t closed, no chirp. That is interesting and useful information for the next time I have the chirping problem. If I don’t have any 9-volts (has never happened so far), I can temporarily solve the chirping problem for the night by pulling out the bad battery and letting that one smoke detector sit with the battery door open for the night.

    3. As soon as I put the battery in backwards, the chirping began, and of course ceased when I put it in correctly.

    So my original story stands. I may be a doofus, but I’m a precise and accurate doofus. – FC

  47. Comment by Laura | 05.13.2009 | 7:47 pm

    Hilarious. I am laughing out loud. I can’t just picture that happening in my house and, by the way, we keep all batteries in the meat drawer of the refrigerator and I have no idea why.

  48. Comment by Mary | 05.13.2009 | 8:38 pm

    1. Film. Film goes in the refrigerator, but of course we all have digital cameras now, so that’s a moot point.

    2. I have about 20 AA and about a dozen AAA batteries. 9 volt? Not a one. Who has 10 9-volt batteries? What is up with that?

    3. Have you done a demographic study of your blog readers? This entry shows at least 2 firefighters. Again, what is up with that? Is this the preferred blog of cycling firefighters?

  49. Comment by graisseux | 05.13.2009 | 8:40 pm

    When I think of cycling of cycling firefighters, I can’t help but remember the Louis Baker feud of ‘08.

  50. Comment by Clay | 05.13.2009 | 8:53 pm

    We must have the same smoke alarm gremlins as you do – they only crap out in the wee hours. Ours are connected by the house wiring, so when one goes bad, they all chime-in creating an alarming false alarm chorus.

    My wife and I thank you for the hearty laugh we shared, however, we know in the back of our minds that the chirp is coming back soon …

  51. Comment by rocks | 05.13.2009 | 9:11 pm

    About the “Craft Room”, I could not agree with you more. I few years ago we were building our house and the architect labeled the room right off the garage, the one where I planned to store and tune up my bikes (complete with a sink and a fridge for beer) a “Craft Room”. I asked him to change the name and he said he would be more than happy make the change but it would be $150 to accommodate my childish request. My wife and the architect where the only two in the room that agreed it was not a necessary change. So, right there on the spot, I pulled out two $100 dollar bills and demanded the room be titled “Gear Room” immediately and I wanted to witness the change being made! To this day, my wife still pesters me with questions like “Honey, where have you been? In your craft room?”

  52. Comment by Scoty in Salida | 05.13.2009 | 11:18 pm

    For the last 18 months our friends house has has detectors chirping infrequently; not in a time pattern. There were 2 detectors in the ceiling and pulled them out. They are hard wired to the 110v house and both batteries were not good so I installed new batteries. There still was intermittent chirping was happening.
    Found out the wife of home owner had taken 3 other units down and stashed them into a cubby in close proximity. All 3 had bad batteries……..

  53. Comment by Wes | 05.14.2009 | 8:09 am

    This is why God invented baseball bats…

  54. Comment by Kerri | 05.14.2009 | 8:56 am

    I can’t believe no one commented with the easiest way to remember to change the batteries in your smoke detectors: do it when you change your clocks in the spring and fall. Of course, this only works if you observe Daylight Savings Time, but since that’s most of us…

  55. Comment by Rob | 05.14.2009 | 9:03 am

    That’s OK – 90% of fires start in the middle of a hallway anyway (at least 90%.)

  56. Comment by dougg | 05.14.2009 | 9:15 am

    Fatty… Your right in that case. I didn’t know they were hard wired. When you had the battery in backwards and the door closed the alarm is expecting power from the battery. Since it wasn’t getting any… “chirp!”
    I’ll have to remember that the next time we get a call in the middle of the night for one of these units!
    Thanks for the training lesson!

  57. Comment by BikeCopVT | 05.14.2009 | 10:39 am

    Fatty, you’re lucky. Here is why. When the battery goes in the detector I have in my living room not only do I have to get up at 3:00 am (b/c that happens at my house too), but I have to go out to the garage and get a ladder. Yep it’s approximately 15 feet up. Way beyond dragging a chair over.

    Thanks for the laugh.

    Win Susan!

  58. Comment by Jay Peitzer | 05.14.2009 | 3:57 pm

    I have a sure fire way to deal with a smoke detector with a dead battery. I start with the first smoke detector I find and remove it completely then go to the next one and remove it completely I do this for every smoke detector in the house. I then take them to a safe quiet place and ,not caring which one is chirping, whack them with a hammer until no noise is coming from any of them. I then take the smashed to smithereens pieces and deposit them in a trash container. I only needed to do this once and I’ve never been awakened again. Plus I had the added fun of smashing the stupid things to bits. Frankly I’d rather die in a fire then deal with them. They are near the top of my list of inventions in search of a problem right along with the SHAMWOW. The only time the things go off at all is when the battery goes dead. Now you tell me what good is something that only tells you when it’s not working. Or goes off when you’re cooking. I know when I’m cooking…..I don’t need to be told.

  59. Comment by FlatsMan | 05.14.2009 | 7:58 pm

    You are such a wimp.

    Try waking up every other night as your chocolate lab hurls the contents of his stomach on the bedroom carpet. Having eaten sundry wood chips, plants, grass, socks, toilet rolls, soap, etc. in the 22 seconds you were distracted from “lab watch”. Friends tell us he’ll grow out of it in about 2 – 3 years. BTW we tried a crate, guess what, he ate most of it and yes, hurled.

  60. Comment by Dudley | 05.14.2009 | 9:50 pm


    Dogs belong outside.

  61. Comment by Kevin | 05.14.2009 | 10:22 pm

    So TRUE. I hate them!!!!!!!!!1

  62. Comment by Kevin | 05.14.2009 | 10:25 pm

    p.s. I like…NO I LOVE Jay’s answer. Take a hammer get rid of them all!! Dying in a fire is much preferred to this torture!



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