Tragedy and Victory

11.18.2009 | 8:34 am

Please allow me to gross you out for a moment:


Pretty nasty, eh? Of course, you’re not getting the full effect without the odor, which is…pungent.

What is the substance in this photo? Well, it’s a symbol of both a tragedy, and a victory.

The tragedy is that I made ten avocados-worth of guacamole for a cul de sac party I had last Friday night, the agenda of which was:

  • Eat bratwurst, cabbage salad, and chips with guacamole
  • Play Rock Band

Now the party wasn’t tragic. The party was fun. Though I’m a little bit confused as to why everyone goes out of their way to not let me do vocals. I sound great.

The tragedy is that after the party, there was still a lot of guacamole left over. And now it’s Wednesday, and that guacamole has gone bad. Not just a little off. Bad. As in I’m pretty sure it’s started robbing convenience stores and has tattooed “HATE” on the knuckles of its left hand. On its right hand, it’s tattooed “HATE” again, to emphasize the point.

That’s bad.

In short, any time guacamole goes uneaten and is eventually discarded, the world has become a slightly sadder place. That’s the tragedy.

The victory, on the other hand, lies in the fact that I am the only one in my family who loves avocados and guacamole, so if this guacamole had been consumed, it would have been all by me.

But I didn’t. I didn’t sit on a couch with a bag of blue corn tortilla chips (my current favorite) and demonstrate my superpower to that enormous bowl of guacamole. Even though it’s November, the month I traditionally reserve for doing nothing but eating and sleeping.

That’s a victory. A big one.

PS: Today’s weight: 158, up only four pounds since my lightest in September. (And down three pounds since I bumped into the 160s, which I’m doing my best to avoid this winter.)


  1. Comment by Daniel | 11.18.2009 | 8:38 am

    You could have at least tasted it. Or maybe scrape the top off. Maybe it’s like expensive cheese or something…

    Oh, I tasted it. I’m not so rash about discarding valuable guacamole as that. The fact is, it’s fermenting, and not in a good way. – FC

  2. Comment by MattC | 11.18.2009 | 8:56 am

    You should have aaid something! I could have taken care of all that guac for you no prob! & blue corn chips…MMMMMMMMMMM..corn chips! I know we all have our ‘crosses to bear’ and that sort of thing…my weight prob is just a bit diff than yours…I fight to NOT lose weight. If I am hitting aywhere between 100-150mi a week on the bikes, I have to use the weight gainer powder w/ regular meals just to stay AT the malnourished look status. Sorry for all those out there that don’t have my metabolism…(I guess it’s MY superpower). But it does cost a lot to feed me. That is a downside.

  3. Comment by Jeff | 11.18.2009 | 8:57 am

    Nothing is sadder than brown guacamole.

    Did you lose yesterday’s post? I wanted to take another look at your singlespeed and it’s gone…

  4. Comment by DC | 11.18.2009 | 9:09 am

    I don’t know what to say or think other than I’m definitely not having soup for lunch.

  5. Comment by Rantwick | 11.18.2009 | 9:13 am

    Thank god that was guacamole. When you started by listing what you ate, I got very concerned very quickly.

    The only thing that kept me reading was the very unlikely act of you putting the material I was afraid of in a bowl.

  6. Comment by Tim | 11.18.2009 | 9:14 am

    LOL….. the brown guacamole problem. The key to this is according to my Costa Rican friend (he is the specialist on the topic), is to leave the seed from the centre of the avocado in the guac. For some reason the “turning brown” process is slowed down quite a bit…. Works like a charm for me.

  7. Comment by Erik | 11.18.2009 | 9:26 am

    Where did your Ibisss single speed 13 pound featherweight bike post go?

    Accidentally changed its status to “unpublished” last night when I was correcting a typo in the post. It’s fixed now; thanks for the heads-up! – FC

  8. Comment by jj | 11.18.2009 | 9:42 am

    where did yesterdays post go about the Ibis…i saw it, but never had the chance to read it???

  9. Comment by Turt99 | 11.18.2009 | 9:49 am

    I was doing so well with my weight for the longest time (over a year) I had dropped from 275 to 215 and held it pretty consistant for the year.

    I keep thinking about trying for the 200 mark but its going to take a lot of work.

    I just had to do a scan to make sure I’m still cancer free (Thyroid Cancer) so I had to go off my Thyroid meds. Makes you super tired and slows you metabolism. Gained 15 pounds in like a month, but I’m still cancer free. WOOT!

    Now to get the weight back off!

  10. Comment by chtrich | 11.18.2009 | 9:52 am

    I wish guacamole kept better. But usually that’s a moot point anyway since there’s hardly any guacamole leftover.

  11. Comment by Grayduncs | 11.18.2009 | 10:00 am

    I am not saying this for certain but seems to me that you may, may have over-catered a tad there. Or you make lousy guacamole. Or your neighbours are strict carnivores. Or they were so busy keeping you away from Rock Band that they went home hungry.

    No worries though, just pop the leftovers in some glass jars, tie ribbon around the top, call it a facial pack/scrub.moisturiser and you have sorted some of the Christmas presents.

  12. Comment by cheapie | 11.18.2009 | 10:02 am

    for a second i thought i was looking at one of dug’s bathroom posts.

  13. Comment by Vanilla | 11.18.2009 | 10:14 am

    I don’t think you really understand the word tragedy. 9/11 was a tragedy, Fort Hood was a tragedy, Miley Cyrus releasing an album was a tragedy. Your wasted guacamole falls more under the category of cataclysmic catastrophe. (+5 commenter points for alliteration!)


  14. Comment by stu | 11.18.2009 | 10:23 am

    Perhaps you should start recording an all-in weight of rider plus bike. That way with the super-light Ibiss you can afford to eat much more guacomole and tortillas without an overall gain in poundage?

    PS – wasted homeade guacomole really is a tragedy.

  15. Comment by Marrock | 11.18.2009 | 10:24 am

    I have some crab salad in the fridge that makes that guac look cordon bleu by comparison… wanna trade?

  16. Comment by Anonymous | 11.18.2009 | 10:26 am

    If you put a few of the pits in there with it, it helps to keep it fresh longer…

  17. Comment by El_Animal | 11.18.2009 | 10:29 am

    Next time leave the avocado seed inside the bowl that will make the gaucamole last longer.

  18. Comment by mtb w | 11.18.2009 | 10:32 am

    A tragedy of immense (pro)portions has occurred! Letting excellent avacado and guac dip just sit and go to waste in Fatty’s household? Truly a sign the world is going to end. I implore you, Fatty, do not let such injustice occur in the future. Sacrifice yourself and save the dip!

  19. Comment by Jenny-Jenny | 11.18.2009 | 10:37 am

    Love guacamole and I can’t wait to see how much better it lasts when leaving the pits in. It never would have gone bad if you had Juanitas chips. I think they make them in Heaven.

  20. Comment by Roo | 11.18.2009 | 10:37 am

    I will never, ever again read your blog while eating breakfast.

    That crap about putting the pit in there doesn’t work. Put saran wrap right over the guac instead of over the top of the bowl. I know it’s messy, but something about not letting any air touch the guac seems to help it stay green.

  21. Comment by JeffF | 11.18.2009 | 10:39 am

    I am reminded of The Simpson’s episode where Homer takes home the leftover giant sandwich from the company picnic – he keeps eating it even after trips to the hospital:

    Homer : Marge, I’d like to be alone with the sandwich, for a moment.
    Marge : Are you going to eat it?
    Homer : Yes.

  22. Comment by KanyonKris | 11.18.2009 | 10:47 am

    Elden, you’ve just stumbled upon the next big thing: the rotten food diet. If your fridge is filled with gone-bad food, you will lose weight – either by not eating, or eating the spoiled food and losing even more weight from food poisoning. THAT’s what your next book should be. You’ll make millions.

  23. Comment by Lisa | 11.18.2009 | 10:50 am

    I thought lemon was what helped it last longer, plus the saran wrap. I think it’s the acid. Why don’t you ask You could get a blog to blog dialogue going. (+5 points for commenter alliteration!)

    Glad I was just having tea for breakfast.

  24. Comment by Heidi | 11.18.2009 | 11:08 am

    An unfortunate loss, yes, but for gawd’s sake, LOSE THE GUAC before it attacks whilst you sleep!

  25. Comment by UphillBattle | 11.18.2009 | 11:15 am

    Welp, so much for lunch! I was hungry before I saw that picture. Please post similar each day…it will greatly help my weight loss efforts.

  26. Comment by Erin | 11.18.2009 | 11:31 am

    Dude, nobody needed to see that.

  27. Comment by Todd | 11.18.2009 | 11:41 am – for visual effect

  28. Comment by Nancy | 11.18.2009 | 12:01 pm

    I suddenly don’t feel well anymore…

  29. Comment by Clydesteve | 11.18.2009 | 12:06 pm

    Same some of this for Halloween next year. I understand your friend Dug like Halloween gifts left on his front porch.

  30. Comment by GenghisKhan | 11.18.2009 | 12:41 pm

    Guacamole? What’s guacamole?

  31. Comment by Joel | 11.18.2009 | 1:09 pm

    “Oh, I tasted it. I’m not so rash about discarding valuable guacamole as that. The fact is, it’s fermenting, and not in a good way. – FC”

    Maybe you just haven’t waited long enough. After all, wine ain’t so hot after only a few days. Honestly though, left-over guac is something I’ve never had to deal with, but that may be a contributor to my permanent clyde status.

  32. Comment by justrun | 11.18.2009 | 1:11 pm

    AND! Bonus: You may have just given me the best diet ever with that picture alone.

  33. Comment by MattC | 11.18.2009 | 1:32 pm

    Hey…just did the gear calculation for your Silk…64.9 gear inches. I guess I’m a total wuss, becasue thats a slightly TALLER gear than my 34×14…which I don’t EVER see myself climbing anything in. You SS guys…don’t you like your knees or something? Good gravy…I’d be pushing a cadence of about 30 on any climb over 6%…thats IF I could even keep the bike moving for more than the first couple hundred yards. You know that if you shave ALL your hair, carry no water, tools or food (and only wear a speedo…YIKES!), you’ll cut another few lbs…and if you take the engine out of your truck and install pedals, it will weigh HUNDREDS of lbs less, never use a drop of gas, and you will just be that much stronger…and that 42×17 gear will feel like a granny gear. HOWEVER…there are some things that shouldn’t be done. If we were meant to ride SS’s, then gears would never have been invented. Maybe you can see a hypnotist about your phobia of those little toothed demons. Don’t be afraid of them! USE them! Gears are your friend!

  34. Comment by FNEditor | 11.18.2009 | 1:44 pm

    Did you check out Up in Alaska yet today? What’s that? She likes snowshoeing. Told you so.

  35. Comment by Kathy McElhaney | 11.18.2009 | 2:01 pm

    I’ve never had guacamole go bad, it doesn’t last that long at our house, so I don’t know about putting in the pit or lemon juice or saran wrap. Never let this happen again, it’s a travesty to let good guac go to waste!! Although 10 avocados worth would probably go to your waist…

  36. Comment by Jessica | 11.18.2009 | 2:02 pm

    Sorry for the loss of your delicious guac. I always shed a tear when it turns brown faster than I can eat it, regardless of how much lime juice I put in it or how well I seal it for fridge storage. If avocados didn’t head south so fast, I’d keep tons more of them around here because I like to eat it on just about anything… alas, I am also a lone avocado eater in my household.

  37. Comment by Kyle | 11.18.2009 | 2:24 pm

    That puddle of guacamole water(“guater”?) is what’s gagging me.

  38. Comment by Philly Jen | 11.18.2009 | 2:53 pm

    As a guac lover, that pic really hurts me on so many levels…

    So you are returning to your blogging roots and posting your weight again? Well, if the people at have any idea what’s good for them, they will offer you one of their wifi-enabled scales that tweets your weight out to the world.

  39. Comment by JB | 11.18.2009 | 3:48 pm

    I was going to post a weight loss story but Turt99 already topped me.
    A big congrats and happiness to Turt99 about cancer free status and good thoughts for you to getting to that 200 goal!!!

  40. Comment by Yukirin Boy | 11.18.2009 | 4:29 pm

    Dug, where are you? where is our expert on gross leftovers , preferably found in the bottom of refrigerators. I expected you to be all over this like … brown guacamole.

  41. Comment by Haven (KT) | 11.18.2009 | 4:43 pm

    Ew. That’s just NASTY.

    Poor guac. It never stood a chance.

  42. Comment by CC | 11.18.2009 | 4:50 pm

    One tip for all – you can freeze guacamole (it says so on those already made packages you can buy at the grocery store.) Put it in Ziplocs or some other containter, cover it w/plastic wrap and there you go. That is if you remember to freeze it before it goes bad…I get lazy sometimes.

  43. Comment by bikemike | 11.18.2009 | 5:58 pm

    thank God i saw this picture. i had just ordered a new digital camera with the new Smell-photo option….i was able to cancel my order, just in time.

    thanks, Elden.

  44. Comment by Powerful Pete | 11.18.2009 | 7:58 pm

    Yuck. I don’t even like normal guacamole that much…

  45. Comment by Tommy F | 11.18.2009 | 9:14 pm

    I lost a pound just looking at the photo. Bleh!

  46. Comment by leroy | 11.18.2009 | 11:14 pm

    Honestly FC, Bike Snob lets his readers know if a picture he posts is NSFW.

    The least you can do is let us know if a picture you post is NSFL. (Not Safe For Lunch.)

  47. Comment by 96hookooekoo | 11.18.2009 | 11:43 pm

    guac normally looks like baby poop anyway, this just looks like the grown up version. Being a nurse and a parent of a 7 month old I deal w/poop on a regular basis but this pic almost made me vomit, thanks Eldon.

  48. Comment by Dobovedo | 11.19.2009 | 12:36 am

    I’ve seen things on “Dirty Jobs” that made me want to hurl less. Thanks so much.

  49. Comment by Simbelmynë | 11.19.2009 | 5:58 am

    Thanks, I just finished a delicious bowl of chocolate ice cream that didn’t look so much different.

    Glad you didn’t taste it, there’s something especially ick about old guacamole, even if it’s been in the fridge and looks green still.

    But you have new guilt fodder for your guests in the future.

  50. Comment by Ingriddeke | 11.19.2009 | 8:33 am

    Helle Fatty,

    The Fatty-gear has made it to the Netherlands and I love it. Unfortunately it is winter, so the shirt and all have to wait till april to be used, can’t wait. I’ll probably wear it next summer on holiday, mtb’ing The Alps somewhere in Germany, Austria or Italy. I’ll sent you a picture. I’m proud to be part of the Fatty-gear community!!!

  51. Comment by Jessica | 11.19.2009 | 2:22 pm

    It is true that leaving the seed in it will keep it from turning brown. (or rather putting it in there after it’s all mixed up)

  52. Comment by crazy commuting cyclist | 11.21.2009 | 8:37 am

    Oh Man that looks like something I cleaned up out of the cat box. Don’t sweat the 4 pounds it is just water.

  53. Comment by Eddie | 11.26.2009 | 12:12 am

    Add extra lime and keep a couple avocado pits in the guacamole…you can usually squeeze out an extra 3 days with that!

  54. Pingback by How Not To Make Guacamole (or: Guacamoleurrgh) | The Nacho Times | 04.21.2011 | 6:21 am

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