Now That I Am A Hall-of-Fame Blogger, Everyone Around Me Seems to Have Changed
A Last-Day-to-Enter Note from Fatty: Tonight at midnight I’ll draw the winners for the “Help Me Help Kellene Help Dallas Get a Kidney” contest. So far, 1003 donations have been made, raising $27,672, which is remarkable. I’m hoping that we can bring that total to $30,000 tonight. For details on what you can win — a Trek Madone, a Diamondback Sortie Black, a Lemond Fillmore, or a Batch of Troll House Cookies – read here. Then click the button below to donate. Thanks!
In addition to being a beloved, award-winning Internet cycling celebrity blogger, I am quite humble. This, I believe, is (part of) why I am so vastly popular with — quite frankly — everyone.
And so I am — quite charmingly, I think you’ll agree — somewhat reticent to even point out that last night, for the third year in a row, I won the “Best Sports Blog” category in the 2010 Bloggies.
I am even more hesitant to note that I am the first person to ever win the Sports category three times, and don’t even get me started on whether anyone else has won it three consecutive years.
“Consecutive” is a fancy word for “in a row,” by the way. I’m happy to share this information, first because I have an awesome vocabulary, but also because I am a sharing person. Really, if there were a word that would best describe me, I’d say “unselfish and sharing” would be that word.
I think that when one wins a category three times, that blog — and really, the person who writes the blog — is given “Hall of Fame” status. But I haven’t really checked. Things like that aren’t important to me.
For the record — because I am scrupulously honest, as well as good-hearted and self-effacing — I took what I assume to be second place in the “Best Writing” and “Blog of the Year” categories, both behind Ree of The Pioneer Woman.
I let her win. She needs the traffic.
Everyone’s Acting All Weird
What I find really surprising is that everyone around me seems to have changed, literally overnight. Consider each of the following incidents, many of which have actually happened in much the way I hereby describe:
- My children still expect me to make their lunch for school. This morning when I got up, I expected that — as a show of respect for my increased celebritihood — my children would have made their own school lunches, or perhaps one of my people would have taken care of it for me. Strangely, neither of these things have happened. Even more strangely, I haven’t heard from “my people” at all. Where are they? Why haven’t they introduced themselves?
- The Runner still calls me “Fatty,” instead of “Hall-of-Famer.” I think she’s doing this to keep me grounded, but I think it’s pretty evident that I’m the most grounded person who has ever lived.
- When I went to the DMV to get my registration renewal today, the guy at the window totally acted like he didn’t recognize me. I of course knew better. He’s one of those people who likes to pretend that famous people are like everyone else. Whatever helps you sleep at night, buster.
- A complete stranger got all angry at me when I went straight to the front of the line at Wendy’s. Some people are so jealous of the perqs of fame. I’d ask other Sports Blog Hall of Famers for advice on how to handle this kind of situation…if there were any.
- People keep telling me I’ve changed. “Just two weeks ago, you were the most wonderful human being who has ever lived,” a number of people who read my blog have told me. “But now it is clear to me — by reading three minutes worth of text four days per week — that your personality has undergone a vast and fundamental change for the worse. You have become mean, egomaniacal, and very, very judgmental.” Which may in fact be true, but the truth is I’m a busy and important person, and people like me adhere to different standards. I’d apologize, but I feel I’m too important and busy to do so.
Perhaps weirdest of all, however, is the strange fact that in spite of my almost absurd number of accolades, I continue to make 3/4 minimum wage with this blog. Which is a shame, because — apart from the adoration from my public — I’m totally doing this for the money.
PS: Seriously, thanks to everyone who voted for me. That’s really really really nice of you.
Comment by dug | 03.1.2010 | 12:00 pm
wait, we could vote for you? i totally would have voted for you if i’d just had a heads up.
Comment by Samantha Lee | 03.1.2010 | 12:12 pm
And here I was feeling all big about myself because I figured my vote might just have been the one to put you over the edge for the win. I never factored in your greatness. Congratulations Fatty! You totally deserve it!
You’re too kind. But I agree with you. – FC
Comment by bikemike | 03.1.2010 | 12:12 pm
weird, i have all those exact arguments with myself every morning when i look in the bathroom mirror.
What arguments? I’m not making arguments. I’m simply stating facts. – FC
Comment by Eric Benjamin | 03.1.2010 | 12:17 pm
Nice job Fatty! Now what?
I am going to become an astronaut. It’s all that’s left, really. – FC
Comment by brian | 03.1.2010 | 12:18 pm
Your humility overwhelms and inspires.
You know, I was just reading over my post (I do that when I want to experience excellence) and was just thinking that exact same thing. – FC
Comment by Janneke | 03.1.2010 | 12:20 pm
‘Your people’ are busy planning your ‘low profile’ wedding with ‘extremely casual’ dresscoded party on the 19th. Duh!!
Congrats on al the good news Fatty and Runner, or better Elden and Lisa. Absolutely fabulous!!
Big hug from across the pond.
Janneke
Comment by Dave | 03.1.2010 | 12:26 pm
Does being a Hall of Famer also mean that you have to start using a ‘q’ instead of a ‘k’ at the end of words like us normal plebs? Or is that just of the perqs?
“Perk” and “perq” are both accepted spellings, and come from “perquisite.” I like to use the “q” version for two reasons. First, because “perquisite” shortens to “perq” more literally and logically. Second, because it’s a nice little slap in the face to Ms. Oaks, who always insisted that a “u” must always follow “q” in the English language. In your FACE, English teacher!
I share this information with you for the reasons already enumerated in the main posting. – FC
Comment by Brian | 03.1.2010 | 12:28 pm
There needs to be a T-shirt about your awesomeness. Just sayin.
And perhaps a flag, which I will insist be flown from every reader’s rooftop. – FC
Comment by The Chort | 03.1.2010 | 12:31 pm
Darn people, always planning parties 5 days late. I bet they’ll make today’s lunch this coming Saturday.
Comment by Brian | 03.1.2010 | 12:34 pm
“And perhaps a flag, which I will insist be flown from every reader’s rooftop. – FC”
Recumbent Penants?
I like the way you think. Perhaps you would like to be one of my people. – FC
Comment by Gillian | 03.1.2010 | 12:34 pm
You should rename this blog “The Fat-Headed Cyclist.”
;) Congratulations on all the good things that have started coming your way, Oh Great One.
I started taking offense when reading your comment, but was mollified by the ending. – FC
Comment by Brian | 03.1.2010 | 12:40 pm
“”“And perhaps a flag, which I will insist be flown from every reader’s rooftop. – FC”
Recumbent Penants?
I like the way you think. Perhaps you would like to be one of my people. – FC”"
I’m good people. Perhaps I should have started commenting before today, I’ve always felt I belong in an entourage of someone fabulous.
Comment by Zeke Yount | 03.1.2010 | 12:41 pm
It’s good to see that your other attributes (humility, sensitivity, incredibly large quads) are now going to be added to with recognition of your incredible and amazing talent for stringing random words together in structures that make sense!
Congratulations on the big win! This takes away all of the pain of the USA hockey loss to Canada! Thanks!
Comment by Dr. Lammler | 03.1.2010 | 12:47 pm
After Fatty becomes an astronaut, and I presume leaves the Fatty Flag on the moon, Fatty will train for the 2012 Summer Olympics. Triathlon, of course.
To Fatty’s people: You heard it here first.
Comment by Peg | 03.1.2010 | 12:50 pm
You are such a smart ass…and we like that about you!
Thanks for letting PW win….very gracious of you! Especially since SHE was the one who told me about YOU! Seriously though, a very deserved award and a great way to start a special week for you and your family! Congrats!
Comment by NoTrail | 03.1.2010 | 12:52 pm
Oops, I totally thought we were voting AGAINST someone to win. Looks like we all screwed that one up for the third time in a row! Bummer.
And now we have to listen to you ramble on and on about how everyone loves you, all because of a silly miscommunication at the voting booth.
Seriously though … congrats. You deserve it.
Comment by The Runner | 03.1.2010 | 1:08 pm
Quick, “Hall of Famer,” pass me a pan. I need to vomit!
Comment by Betsy | 03.1.2010 | 1:14 pm
Congrats Fatty! Maybe the flag should be some awesome Fatty Bibs……seeing that you like them so much!
I see them flapping in the breeze now, all over the world.
Comment by MattC | 03.1.2010 | 1:14 pm
Ahhh, Runner…I was thinking more along the lines of “Bed-pan”…as I think I need to do something a bit stinkier than vomit….
I’m just sayin.
LMAO Oh-Fat-one…Happy Monday!
Comment by ocary | 03.1.2010 | 1:23 pm
@ Fatty – I learned a new term today that I think accurately sums up today’s post – “Self-Aggrandizer”
@The Runner – you sure you know what you are getting yourself into? You have a couple days to get away. And you CAN get away because you are a runner and Fatty is not as fast on foot as you. Even if he were atop one of his mighty two wheeled steeds you could still get away by going up some stairs. Such gains in elevation might not be an issue for some pedalers, but I don’t think that Fatty is an accomplished cyclocross racer. Therefore your ascent would lead to your escape from the self-aggrandizing behavior.
Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 03.1.2010 | 1:41 pm
I’d be worried about all this fame inflating your head and causing you to float away. But heck, Fatty…it’s you we’re talking about. You’re immense quads will keep you firmly weighted to the ground, right?
Comment by Jeff | 03.1.2010 | 1:47 pm
If the guy at the DMV didn’t treat you like everything that came out of your mouth was the most idiotic thing he ever heard, then I would take that as a sign of him being in awe of your celebrity. (Or perhaps you have more civilized/less power-mad state employees in Utah?)
Also, going forward I will hereby be adopting your spelling of the word “perq”. Because “perk” with a “k” is so pedestian. “Perq” is upper-class. Blue-blooded. And also makes me think of Barq’s root beer.
Comment by Mike Roadie | 03.1.2010 | 1:49 pm
Cool….you are the Man! Oh, wait, you already told us that, didn’t you?
Forget about the accolades……what about the Chocolates?
Tell your people to tell you that I said congratulations on your achievement! Well done!
Comment by Dan | 03.1.2010 | 1:57 pm
Good work pays off, you know that!
And now you will ave to sign by HOFFC instead simply by FC ;)
Congrats, you totally deserved to win!
Comment by MTB W | 03.1.2010 | 1:59 pm
I told my people to tell your people to tell you congrats!
Comment by Nick | 03.1.2010 | 1:59 pm
I remember when Fatty was this happy-go-lucky guy. He was the Hugh Grant of cycling blogs without the hookers. And along the way, something happened. I don’t know what, but our Fatty turned into the Donald Trump of cycling bloggers. You used to be like “boo hoo I’m riding 20 miles and I hurt” to “watch me eat this road and go for a swim, puny humans!”
It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!
Comment by Clydesteve | 03.1.2010 | 2:04 pm
Listen can your people get together with my peole and share MikeRoadies’chocolates sometime?
Congrats!
Comment by kyroadie | 03.1.2010 | 2:06 pm
Well, I see that his “Royal Fatness” appears to have tired of commenting on the comments about his greatness. It appears that there are limits to his, what was it, “Self-Aggrandizer” abilities. He can apparently go on and on when it is him speaking about it. However, when we gang up on him with kindness, he becomes weak and can only hang for an hour. I say we keep doing it until he realizes how much we appreciate all he has done. I’d also like to see what kind of noise he makes when he pops.
Congrats on it all! Much happiness to you, and much pity for those around you that have to live with that happiness. :)
Comment by Steve | 03.1.2010 | 2:07 pm
Is it true that you have been named winner of “Best Sports Blog” in perpetuity and the award has been renamed “The Best Sports Blog Not Written by the Fat Cyclist”?
P.S. I think I also heard that BikeSnob has given up in defeat and ceased blogging.
Comment by Jenn | 03.1.2010 | 2:10 pm
All that, a bag o’ chips, AND a vocabulary lesson (‘perquisite’ – who knew?!). Congrats! Or, shall I say – felicitations!
Comment by Michelle | 03.1.2010 | 2:30 pm
Fatty! You crack me up! Congratulations! I did vote for you and PW – so I’m thrilled to know I voted for winners!
Comment by Turt99 | 03.1.2010 | 2:38 pm
I beleive just by reading this blog I have applied a multiplier of 1.25 to my own awesomeness. Thanks Fatty!
Comment by Dave | 03.1.2010 | 2:46 pm
HOF Fatty I stand corrected on ‘perqs’. Immediately upon hitting “Submit” the first time, I took the time to look the word up. As always you are 100% correct. I should never have doubted a man with your masterful command of the english language. Please accept my apology.
Comment by Joel P. | 03.1.2010 | 2:54 pm
To The Runner, I like your style. To the both of you congrats again on your impending nuptuals. To The Hall of Famer, thanks for the English lesson.
Joel P.
P.S. Fatty, I need to appologize to you. I posted your Lance Armstrong nerd picture on my Facebook wall today with out asking first. I did give you credit though and it got some more laughs.
Comment by justrun | 03.1.2010 | 3:06 pm
Congrats, Fatty! I hope your ego doesn’t get as big as your quads.
Comment by MattC | 03.1.2010 | 3:20 pm
And hey…another upside to the HOF award…your ego is now SO inflated that you should be able to swim sans-wetsuit with no problems whatsoever! In fact, there’ll probably be no room in the Olympic size pool for anybody else. Just one gigantic lane. And so be it…let the peasants swim in the pond.
Comment by GJ Jackie | 03.1.2010 | 3:26 pm
Congrats on the award, and nice to see it’s not affecting your head at all. Runner, I think you’re going to need a bucket and a tough stomach since you’re in it for the long haul.
Comment by Tom (hens) | 03.1.2010 | 3:30 pm
Thinking of changing your name to Joe (Walsh)??? Life has really been good to you so far… (as of late) and you deserve it.
Great Job..
hens
Comment by Philly Jen | 03.1.2010 | 3:54 pm
Bloggies 2011: Bike Snob NYC goes Lycra-to-Lycra with Steve in a Speedo. The mind boggles.
And now a brief anecdote:
While we were waiting for Fatty to leave his porcelain throne and join us to lead the team rideout for Livestrong Philly 2009, I reminded the assembled team members to take the time to fill out the backs of their bib numbers before the ride began. Glancing down at my Road ID bracelet, I started ticking off categories of information: “Emergency contact numbers, known medical conditions, medications, allergies, organ donor status…” Ooops. Brain fart.
“What?!?” someone exclaimed. “Is this ride a secret organ harvesting operation?” This became a running joke throughout the day. From time to time we would ask each other where the ice-filled bathtubs awaited.
Of course, none of us had any inkling then of what Fatty’s nephew would face now. But we were all there because we did know that with everybody pitching in together, we could do something special.
So enter the contest today — you might win cookies and a trophy, or a nifty bike. You certainly will be part of something special. And you will definitely get good karma!
= WIN DALLAS =
Comment by Philly Jen | 03.1.2010 | 4:16 pm
P.S. While we’re talking about word origins, “nepotism” is derived from the Latin nep?s, nep?t-, meaning “nephew.” Shame on you, Fatty — you give “nepotism” a good name.
Comment by Drdaven | 03.1.2010 | 4:23 pm
All Hail King Fatty
Funny post
Comment by bobbie | 03.1.2010 | 4:31 pm
Your worshipfulness ~
All Hail the King of the Sports Bloggers!!
Now will someone please give him some REAL clothes?!?!?!
:-))) congratulations on your win, Fatty!! I think all you need to do to beat P-Dub is to post some chaps shots…
Mmmmmm ~ on second thought, please don’t!!!
Comment by Bee | 03.1.2010 | 4:39 pm
All hail the Runner, who rocks. I kinda think she’s awesome.
I’m thankful that I was not drinking anything when I opened my blog reader, because this one cracked me up.
Comment by Susie | 03.1.2010 | 5:00 pm
and just think, when fatty is and even ‘bigger’ man on campus ten years from now, we’ll all be able to say, ‘we knew him when…’ :-)
Comment by Susie | 03.1.2010 | 5:01 pm
ummm…make that AN even ‘bigger’ man…
Comment by Arjan | 03.1.2010 | 5:23 pm
Sorry Fatty,
I used to read and hang on every word you wrote but all this “self-appreciation” is starting to get on my wick. There is a point were “self-appreciation” becomes a wank (excuse the language) and you are very fast aproaching it.
Your fan
Arjan
Comment by PedalGeek | 03.1.2010 | 5:55 pm
Hey Fatty…If you become an astronaut you could start the Copernicus marathon…Low G’s have to make it easier than Death Valley.
Comment by Global_explorer | 03.1.2010 | 6:42 pm
You poor “Hall-of-Fame”(er)! How do you cope? One can only wonder and pity your situation. I for one could not endure the “little” people of no consequence who would not fawn all over themselves in my presence. Fatty, er, pardon me, Mr. Future-Hall-Of-Fame-Recipient-As-Soon-As-They-Actually-Have-One, I do admire your fortitude and can only admire you more by taking this so well.
Sincerely, your devoted worshiper,
Cannonball Costanzo, FSDA
Comment by Susan | 03.1.2010 | 7:12 pm
FOL (Falling over Laughing).
Comment by Boz | 03.1.2010 | 7:32 pm
HoF’er – If you want a real ego boost, try going back to college. I have been named “The Smartest Man In The World” in several classes just because I remember stuff like the 6 Day War and know where Uruguay and Paraguay are. Young, college age girls like older, worldly men. But they’re not so sure about the gut….
Comment by bubba seadog | 03.1.2010 | 8:06 pm
no comment today but i guess ill have my people get in touch with yours…..
Comment by Lori | 03.1.2010 | 9:29 pm
You have a blog?
Comment by dug | 03.1.2010 | 10:19 pm
lori, you made the comment section chiasmic.
until i went and posted this comment, ruining the symmetry. damn my eyes.
Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 03.1.2010 | 11:42 pm
Congrats Fatty! Seriously good stuff and as funny as ever. Well played!
Comment by Sasha | 03.1.2010 | 11:45 pm
Oh! HILARIOUS!
“Quick, “Hall of Famer,” pass me a pan. I need to vomit!” ~The Runner
Oh my oh my! Laughing so hard if I had milk in my mouth it would be coming out my nose! That is SO funny! LOVE LOVE LOVE the Runner – even if she is a runner and she swims. :) I can overlook those things cause she is a darn good cyclist too. :)
Fatty, I think you are marrying over your head. Again. ;-)
Comment by BionicCyclist | 03.2.2010 | 12:04 am
Congrats Fatty, I mean…hall of famer man!
Comment by Brian Murphy | 03.2.2010 | 12:13 am
Fatty, Now that you are a member of the Hall Of Fame you can now add after your signature “HOF 10″ so people who see it will know that you are a Hall of Fame member and the year you were inducted. Along with that you can charge more for your autograph and increase your appearance fees when you go on tour. If baseball players in the HOF can do that then you should be able to do it also. Have fun and Congratulations!
Comment by eandjmum | 03.2.2010 | 2:43 am
My husband just asked me if I’m reading “The Fat Cyclist” again… he knows from the snorting (aka laughing)
So – so – so humble Fatty
And so – so- so- gracious in winning
Well -well- well done :-)
Comment by CampyD | 03.2.2010 | 5:39 am
A simple “Congratulations!” You’ve brought me a lot of laughs over the last few years. And a few sad moments.
Comment by Greg @ Greg Rides Trails | 03.2.2010 | 5:41 am
That’s awesome! Congrats on the accomplishments man!
Now if only you could make a living at it…
Comment by Andrew | 03.2.2010 | 8:18 am
If I could only be as great as you. My only claim to greatness is that my neighbor installed your water heater. #SixDegreesFail
Comment by Richard | 03.2.2010 | 8:20 am
When you get seven consecutive you’ll be able to hang with Lance.
Cool.
Comment by SactoDave | 03.2.2010 | 9:36 am
Fatty,
I know the “Hall of Fame” syndrome all too well. As a 3-time anti-doping chaperone at the Tour of California, I thought I had reached the pinnacle when I received my clipboard with the rider assigned to me.
The pinnacle collapsed when the 7 time Tour de France Champion mentioned to one of His “people” that we would get to the testing station a lot faster but this dude (me) is out of shape.
Once again, I am grounded. You will soon return to Earth yourself! It will be OK!
Comment by ChefJT | 03.2.2010 | 10:29 pm
In honor of your hall-of-fame-awesomeness I think I will sleep in my FC Jersey!
Well-deserved, my friend.
Lisa: What in God’s name are you thinking girl?????
(Merely joshing. The best to you both and your families)
Comment by HB | 03.2.2010 | 10:58 pm
Hey Kellene –
Raffle that Madone off again! I’ll throw another $20 or $30 in easily.
Comment by Gerry | 03.8.2010 | 8:07 am
On your comment on StinkMax jerseys The only thing I use now to rid the stink is a detergent called Win.