In addition to being a beloved, award-winning Internet cycling celebrity blogger, I am quite humble. This, I believe, is (part of) why I am so vastly popular with — quite frankly — everyone.
I am even more hesitant to note that I am the first person to ever win the Sports category three times, and don’t even get me started on whether anyone else has won it three consecutive years.
“Consecutive” is a fancy word for “in a row,” by the way. I’m happy to share this information, first because I have an awesome vocabulary, but also because I am a sharing person. Really, if there were a word that would best describe me, I’d say “unselfish and sharing” would be that word.
I think that when one wins a category three times, that blog — and really, the person who writes the blog — is given “Hall of Fame” status. But I haven’t really checked. Things like that aren’t important to me.
For the record — because I am scrupulously honest, as well as good-hearted and self-effacing — I took what I assume to be second place in the “Best Writing” and “Blog of the Year” categories, both behind Ree of The Pioneer Woman.
I let her win. She needs the traffic.
Everyone’s Acting All Weird
What I find really surprising is that everyone around me seems to have changed, literally overnight. Consider each of the following incidents, many of which have actually happened in much the way I hereby describe:
- My children still expect me to make their lunch for school. This morning when I got up, I expected that — as a show of respect for my increased celebritihood — my children would have made their own school lunches, or perhaps one of my people would have taken care of it for me. Strangely, neither of these things have happened. Even more strangely, I haven’t heard from “my people” at all. Where are they? Why haven’t they introduced themselves?
- The Runner still calls me “Fatty,” instead of “Hall-of-Famer.” I think she’s doing this to keep me grounded, but I think it’s pretty evident that I’m the most grounded person who has ever lived.
- When I went to the DMV to get my registration renewal today, the guy at the window totally acted like he didn’t recognize me. I of course knew better. He’s one of those people who likes to pretend that famous people are like everyone else. Whatever helps you sleep at night, buster.
- A complete stranger got all angry at me when I went straight to the front of the line at Wendy’s. Some people are so jealous of the perqs of fame. I’d ask other Sports Blog Hall of Famers for advice on how to handle this kind of situation…if there were any.
- People keep telling me I’ve changed. “Just two weeks ago, you were the most wonderful human being who has ever lived,” a number of people who read my blog have told me. “But now it is clear to me — by reading three minutes worth of text four days per week — that your personality has undergone a vast and fundamental change for the worse. You have become mean, egomaniacal, and very, very judgmental.” Which may in fact be true, but the truth is I’m a busy and important person, and people like me adhere to different standards. I’d apologize, but I feel I’m too important and busy to do so.
Perhaps weirdest of all, however, is the strange fact that in spite of my almost absurd number of accolades, I continue to make 3/4 minimum wage with this blog. Which is a shame, because — apart from the adoration from my public — I’m totally doing this for the money.
PS: Seriously, thanks to everyone who voted for me. That’s really really really nice of you.