No One Rides Alone

03.9.2010 | 6:46 am

I know some people who will not ride unless they have company. I am not one of those people. I like riding with another person or with a small group (or even, occasionally, a large group), but I’m also happy to go riding by myself.

And yet, I never ride alone. There’s always that stupid voice in my head, right there with me, providing a narrative, giving advice, and making remarks about my riding ability.

Frankly, I don’t care for him much.

Meet the Voice in My Head

Oh, he (yeah, he’s male) doesn’t talk all the time. In fact, sometimes he’ll go for long stretches without saying a word. And the times he chooses to talk actually says a lot about him. It’s always when I’m right at my limit. I could use some encouragement. And so that’s when he says things like,

  • “So. This is all you’ve got, is it?”
  • “Any time you’d like to step it up, feel free.”
  • “Come on. Go. Seriously, it’s time for you to stop holding back.”

And, sometimes, he doesn’t say anything at all. He just laughs. Man, I hate it when he does that.

No Comfort, No Help

As near as I can tell, the voice in my head lives to motivate me exclusively through the medium of sarcasm and derision. Why is this the case? I mean, this is just a voice in my head. It’s me, talking to me. Why can’t I say nice things to myself?

For example, I’d love to hear me say to myself:

  • “Hey, you’re headed for a personal best. Keep up the good work!”
  • “Don’t worry about fading. You’ve done your best.”
  • “You can do it! I have complete confidence in you!”

Come to think of it, never mind. That guy sounds like a motivational speaker. I think I prefer the sarcastic, snide guy.

Maybe It’s Just One Guy?

I did extensive research for today’s post, consisting of instant messaging with my friend Dug for a few minutes. First off, I should point out that it’s not easy to broach this topic. Asking a guy if he hears voices in his head is similar to accusing that guy of being insane.

Dug said that of course he heard a voice when he’s riding hard. As near as I could tell, it’s the same guy I hear. Condescending, disappointed, and curious as to why you’re even bothering if this is all you’ve got.

I developed the theory that perhaps everyone has the same voice. That there’s just one snarky, ethereal guy, wandering the earth and whispering mean-spirited remarks into our ears. A disappointed, snide, and sarcastically amused spirit guide for cyclists, if you will.

Or Maybe It’s Not

Then, because I am an extremely intrepid journalistic type who always wants to get my facts straight, I conducted even more research, this time in the form of an instant message conversation with my brother-in-law/friend Rocky.

It turns out that Rocky has got a voice, too. But it’s a way different voice. His voice tells him, in a matter-of-fact way, to cut it out. “This is stupid. You are not getting paid for this. And this in not fun,” it says to him.

And when Rocky really dials it up, a completely new voice barges in. This one doesn’t even talk. It just belts out a primal yell.

I’m pretty sure my inner voice has never yellled. Maybe that’s why Rocky makes all the technical moves, and I clip out at the first sign of danger.

Final Report

Based on my exhaustive research, I make the following assertions about cyclists and inner voices:

  • All cyclists hear voices when they ride hard.
  • The type of voice you hear corresponds to the type of rider you are.
  • None of the voices are friendly.
  • We are therefore all either equally sane, or equally insane.

I am of course, interested to know what kind of voice you hear, what it says, and under what conditions.

Also, I’d like to know if mine is the only one that speaks with an outrageous French accent.


  1. Comment by Bashzilla | 03.9.2010 | 7:10 am

    Lately the voice in my head keeps reminding me that I was a lot stronger only a couple months ago… and then calls me “Slacker”.

  2. Comment by Paul H | 03.9.2010 | 7:15 am

    The voice I hear is mostly evident in my detrained state, such as now. Especially when I ride in a group that’s faster than I am. Most of the time He is remimnding me of how many previous rides I have missed and what a sorry piece of riding material I am. Later in the season the voice will actually goad me to chase people down who are up the road. Sometimes it will ask me to slow down for someone in the group who has fallen off the pace to help them back up.

    I’ve never heard any accent, it may be that he grew up near my home town.

  3. Comment by Al | 03.9.2010 | 7:31 am

    My voice always says the same thing: “Go big, or go home”. It usually goads me into longer/harder rides.

  4. Comment by McBain_v1 | 03.9.2010 | 7:40 am

    My voice often reminds me that instead of blitzing down the descent and finally proving that road bikes will happily corner in wet conditions on smooth tarmac at 30mph plus, I should remember that I have a family who would quite like to see me come back in one piece, with all skin accounted for.

    The clamour for caution seems to be directly related to increasing age and family status. Previously my inner lycra-lout would urge me to lung-bursting efforts, stupid bend-apexing descents and over-geared climbs just to prove that my quads actually thrive on lactic acid.

    Accent – he’s always a Geordie … “Howay y’soft shandy swigging tart!”

  5. Comment by hombre | 03.9.2010 | 7:43 am

    Now you’re talking! er, listening.
    As a shrink, good to hear you are finally addressing the final frontier–the insanity of cyclists. We are a weird group of course, but also on a serious note, not many people have figured out or studied what happens inside the heads of cyclists when competing. Lance famously says…not much…literally. Levi has now turned toward sports psychology DVDs, or at least is getting paid for saying this.
    Swimming training dictates when you are at recovery cruising speed you can sing the National Anthem (or some other really over memorized song) in your head. When you approach a moderate endurance pace, you can get through a few lines. WHen you are at threshold you can barely count to ten. When going at max 200-400 meter pace, can only count to 4 or 8, stroke count, and when sprinting a 50 can only count 1-2-1-2-1-2, if that.
    Curious eh?

    Voices? Yes!!!!

  6. Comment by Mongo | 03.9.2010 | 7:47 am

    Mine, especially when on the road commuting to work, tells me to relax, slow down, even when it is obvious that I should be doing the opposite. My inner voice loves to sing. “Battle Hymn of the Republic” is frequently sung as I crest a certain hill. It is quite possible my inner voice is schizophrenic.

  7. Comment by Vito | 03.9.2010 | 7:51 am

    Hmmm! This is all very interesting to me because I do not have just one voice. Therefore I truly believe that I am insane or at least well on my way. My voices are generally not kind to me especially when I am on my road bike. You see, a roadie I am not. They also provide me with excuses to ride the mountain bike rather than the road bike. This I like :)

  8. Comment by jim k | 03.9.2010 | 7:53 am

    I have a soundtrack… even though I don’t ride with headphones. It’s cool when I’m in the zone and a suitable song that I like is going through my head to drive my cadence, but occassionally the pain breaks loose some bad top-40 hits of my youth. Have you ever had “Do it to me one more time” swirling through your head? Argh!

  9. Comment by M | 03.9.2010 | 8:15 am

    One of the inner resistance monsters that stays with me says “Oh, stop! Why are you bothering!” It can be drowned out by loud music and closed eyes..

  10. Comment by hmgf | 03.9.2010 | 8:19 am

    My voice chimes in only while climbing and is actually encouraging. Assuming that having a voice cursing violently at the hill in three languages is encouraging. Hmmm, up until now I was certain that the voice was cursing at the hill.

  11. Comment by Weiland | 03.9.2010 | 8:21 am

    During races my inner voice is Phil Liggett, he narrates the race for me down to letting me know I missed the winning breakaway. He puts into words a fantastic race report one that I can’t wait to get home to write up for my blog. However, later that night when I sit down to write my race report I got nothing. I can’t remember the nice one liners Phil has provided me during the race. I’m thinking of racing with a voice recorder just so I can capture the brilliant commentary that goes on in my head during races. So Texas CAT 4’s if you see the guy that appears to be talking to himself with a British accent pay no attention it’s just me letting my inner Phil Liggett out.

  12. Comment by Eric | 03.9.2010 | 8:23 am

    Yeah, I hear the voices too. It’s singing…

    It’s kinda disturbing.

  13. Comment by justrun | 03.9.2010 | 8:23 am

    I’m pretty sure I have two voices, maybe three. The first voice always says something like “your butt would be a lot more comfortable on the couch, you know.” And the second voice says something like “there are people twice your age going faster… what is wrong with you?!” And the third voice, if it can even be considered a voice, is a yeller. Not in a good way.

  14. Comment by Dan O | 03.9.2010 | 8:35 am

    Mine just says HTFU over and over and over. It’s either that, or it starts singing My Sharona.

    Life is good

  15. Comment by Dr. Randal Mandos | 03.9.2010 | 8:37 am

    Everyone’s voice boils down to one message: “Enjoy or die.” Brood on it.

  16. Comment by sunnyhello | 03.9.2010 | 8:39 am

    Huh. Mine sounds a lot like Linda Hamilton. And says things like: “Well, if you think this hill is sooooo hard, feel free to sit down there on the curb. Go ahead, WEENIE.” And I hear a lot of, “Move your fat ass, c’mon! Wheeeeeeee!!!!!” The voice in my head is wildly enthusiastic about cycling. This seems to go hand in glove with sardonic commentary.

  17. Comment by Pastor Kathy | 03.9.2010 | 9:13 am

    Jay Smooth of the Illdoctrine blog calls his “the little hater” and I believe that it speaks to him in hip-hop.

  18. Comment by Sarah | 03.9.2010 | 9:17 am

    My inner voice generally sings Irish drinking songs and pays no attention whatsoever to the pain I’m in.

  19. Comment by skippy | 03.9.2010 | 9:31 am

    Thought i was the only one with a problem as many people over the years tell me they have heard “Waltzing Matilda” as i have passed through the KOM banners on the tours!Even had it relayed back to me that i was singing “Advance Australia Fair”, which as some will know is the Aussie National Anthem.
    I am not sure if it is the Gremlin who shouts at me in German when i do something slightly foolhardy or the other that hums “AUSI,AUSI,AUSI” in tune with the “Marsellaise(french Nat Anthem)” but it keeps me going on the long etappes during the summer.
    I freely admit to shouting “Ausi,Ausi,Ausi” at the racers as they pass me on the race route when i am at the exit of a tunnel so many of them shout at me if they find me walking on the verge of the tour race route when pulled over. Now that i find others with the same condition i will take it as normal and stop looking around to see who it was that was calling me when like on the Val Aosta i thought i heard my name called.
    Relieved to find i am normal afterall!

    Bonnet wins P-N 2nd stage today but nasty pileup at 500m involving 201 & 41 amongst others, also good to see Raymond Poulidor on the Podium in good health.

  20. Comment by BrokeMBA | 03.9.2010 | 9:47 am

    My voice is like an insane drill sargent. The best he does is say nothing, but when the pressure is on, he never believes that I am anything but being a lazy worthless f*ck, and he lets me know right in my ear with veins popping and spittle flying. As I push harder to get him to shut up, he screams louder how much of a p***y I’m being and how I could never succeed because I’m too obviously to lazy to really dig deep and make an effort. This continues until I’m too exhausted to continue and then he clams up until I have recovered enough energy to go again. The only time he has ever been remotely supportive is when I have had hammered over a minute’s lead on the rest of the guys in the crit. Sheesh…maybe I really am crazy. The sargent is quite unpleasant and I wish he would stop, but without him, I am not as driven as I need to be sometimes.

  21. Comment by jobob | 03.9.2010 | 10:01 am

    Mine likes to say “Who are you kidding?” :p

  22. Comment by Spencer | 03.9.2010 | 10:04 am

    I here William Wallace screaming Freedom, and other catchy quotes.

  23. Comment by MattC | 03.9.2010 | 10:05 am

    Hmmm…my inner voice seems to be quite fond of the last song that I heard on the radio before a Mt bike ride (because I don’t have any Mt biking trails w/in riding distance I have to drive there)…and then repeats it incessantly during the climbs. This can be very good or very bad. I’ve taken to keeping a cheap MP3 player in the car so I can choose the ‘last song’ before I park. As to what my I.V. chooses for a road ride, I’ve solved that by taking Fattys advice (many months ago). I got an IPOD shuffle (2nd gen) and a set of the Arriva headphones. The 1GB shuffle is chock full of GOOD climbing songs…thus the inner voice is pacified. But I don’t care to use headphones while Mt biking. Sometimes you just have to let the inner voice speak.

    @ Weiland…I can relate. I have noticed that my inner voice seems to have some AMAZING thoughts and ideas, and always when I’m FAR away from home. When I finally get back I can’t seem remember any of them. I believe I’ve solved some of the worlds most pressing problems many times over, but it’s all been lost back into the void of the I.V.

  24. Comment by bikemike | 03.9.2010 | 10:10 am

    With me it’s like riding with the Spanish Inquisition inside my head, i don’t expect it and it’s not fun…funny,yes…fun, not so much.

  25. Comment by brian | 03.9.2010 | 10:13 am

    Yes my voice also has an outrageous French accent:

    You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person! Ah blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur Keeeng”! You and all your silly English Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!!

    Ah don’ wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! Ah fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

    Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

  26. Comment by Wirehead | 03.9.2010 | 10:16 am

    The voice in my head usually tells me that I’m crazy. For some reason this drives me to ride even farther.

    The rest of the time, it sounds a little bit like Bike Snob NYC. Which, I might add, is a little depressing because it doesn’t come with the benefits of being Bike Snob NYC like the magazine column, private pow-wows with Fatty, and heavy discounts from Performance.

  27. Comment by KanyonKris | 03.9.2010 | 10:28 am

    My voice is more like Rocky’s, except for the primal scream.

    My favorite line he uses: “You don’t have it today so just back off and enjoy the ride.” And often that’s good advice.

    In dealing with people the old adage is, you get more bees with honey than vinegar. But the inner voice is all vinegar – my theory is it gets the best results. True, no?

  28. Comment by Patchy | 03.9.2010 | 10:35 am

    Bill Hicks

    Saying ‘it’s just a ride’


  29. Comment by Tina Z | 03.9.2010 | 10:39 am

    hombre, very interesting… I couldn’t count laps when racing long distances in the pool, never thought about why. Now I sing the meatball song to calm me down when I’m nervous about my speed and need to let go. Works every time.

  30. Comment by MikeL | 03.9.2010 | 11:04 am

    I think too many people have been listening to ” Dark Side of the Moon ” before riding.

    Remember no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

  31. Comment by Dep820 | 03.9.2010 | 11:10 am

    Sounds like a great idea for a Fatcyclist Jersey.

    on the back, “My inner cycling voice is Phil Liggett, how about you?”

  32. Comment by Flo | 03.9.2010 | 11:23 am

    My inner voice generally sings to me in perfect rhythm with my breathing. So when I go hard it’s mostly Megadeth and early Metallica…

  33. Comment by Banger | 03.9.2010 | 11:36 am

    My voice speaks entirely in Gibberish with occasional animal noises. At first I thought it might be some foreign language I needed to learn. I was comforted greatly when I realized this was not the case, because I really don’t have the time to learn an additional language (English has been had enough).

    As for the animal noises, well that may actually be me. I know that I make angry chimpanzee noises whenever a rider in front of me dumps a treeload of snow on me. What else am I going to do?

  34. Comment by John | 03.9.2010 | 12:06 pm

    My voice keeps telling me that chips and beer are tastier than a bicycle

  35. Comment by sally | 03.9.2010 | 12:50 pm

    hmm. Totally schizophrenic. One tells me how hum drum this whole nonsense is and asks why i ever thought that at my age i could get back on a bike and do anything, and so on. One very logically responds that it doesn’t matter how old i am, cycling is good for my heart and my health and i don’t have to be first or the best to do that, and sometimes breaks out into some sappy song lyrics. The third repetitively screams “I am the greatest” desparately trying to drown out the other 2.

  36. Comment by Aaron | 03.9.2010 | 12:56 pm

    Mine tells me I look like “a monkey humping a football” and I either need to step it up or just stop and ride easy. He is very similar to your voice, condescending, snide, sarcastic and sometimes just downright evil.

  37. Comment by Kojak | 03.9.2010 | 1:23 pm

    I am convinced that it is my cycling voice persona who is insane, not I. He is mostly condescending but vacillates between encouragement (you can do it. Push harder), sheer disgust (no wonder you are so fat), and contempt (you suck!). Mostly the latter. Overall I would say that it is my dad, but that would be revealing too much about my family.
    My tool to battling this demonic wacko is to invoke the image of my five year old son with his plastic light saber. Then they do battle and I end up laughing and falling off my bike.
    And this is why I love cycling so much.

  38. Comment by BShow | 03.9.2010 | 1:30 pm

    During rides, I only have the voice when I’m riding hard and alone. Never with other people – unless I don’t know them – at which point, it’s a race. I always have a voice in my head when I race.

    Typically, it sounds a lot like yours Fatty, only without the French accent. He’ll tell me to Suck it up. Push harder. Quit being a pussy. Quit spinning such a high cadence (when I’m riding gears(which is rare)) and shift into a gear that actually gets you somewhere. Go get that Eff’n guy up there. Oddly, he gets more vocal the closer I get to the edge. Once I pop though, he stops barking orders… now he asks questions, questions that are specifically designed to mock me. The questions suck. Why are you such a pussy? What the hell are you doing out here, anyway? You’re not even breathing hard anymore, why the hell are you still going sooo sloooow? And they go on and on.

  39. Comment by josh | 03.9.2010 | 1:30 pm

    My voice is constantly telling me that if I were 2 pounds lighter I would be going up this climb faster. Another voice is yelling spin, spin, spin the whole ride… actually i think that might be my father-in-law.

  40. Comment by Haven (KT) | 03.9.2010 | 1:39 pm

    See, your research was flawed, and so are your conclusions– for one thing, not all cyclists are male, and you only asked male cyclists. So there.

    To broaden your research, here’s the female POV:

    Yes. There are voices in my head. One of them keeps encouraging me on, another one counts, a third keeps singing the chorus to “Birdhouse In Your Soul” over and over, a fourth wonders if there is any beer in the fridge at home, a fifth is muttering about work-related matters…

    But then again, I’m a Gemini. We’re supposed to be like that.

  41. Comment by BShow | 03.9.2010 | 1:50 pm

    Uh oh. I’m looking through the comments here and its a little disturbing. Most of the comments are people trying to be funny – some of which, are very funny. What’s disturbing is that I’m dead serious about my comments. That’s what he says. Does that mean that I really am crazy?

  42. Comment by Den | 03.9.2010 | 2:41 pm

    Is that an African outrageous French accent, or a European one?

  43. Comment by Richard | 03.9.2010 | 3:20 pm

    Mine swears.

    A lot.

  44. Comment by Rob | 03.9.2010 | 3:27 pm

    “Also, I’d like to know if mine is the only one that speaks with an outrageous French accent.”

    Sounds like you’re possessed by Bernard Hinault.

  45. Comment by Marla Gnarla | 03.9.2010 | 3:37 pm

    For some reason my inner voice has been Phil Anderson for the last twenty years!

  46. Comment by Rachelle | 03.9.2010 | 3:51 pm

    I once heard the voice referred to as the Gremlin, which I thought was very fitting!

  47. Comment by Atomic | 03.9.2010 | 3:56 pm

    Ha. Mine likes to remind me of the last song I heard on the radio. Until I’m done with the ride. I guess it’s a good reason to ride fast?

  48. Comment by Jill2 | 03.9.2010 | 4:26 pm

    Mine has a vocubulary of about 10 words: what, a, an, you, are, loser, idiot, and a couple of variations of the f-word. Her accent is General American English. She drags me down, man.

  49. Comment by Asher | 03.9.2010 | 4:29 pm

    Until you said your voice speaks with an outrageous French accent, I was going to agree that there is only One True Voice.

    Though, actually, I have two. I have the snarky, critical voice, and the “WOOHOOOOOOOO!” voice, which is reserved for going down hill very fast, and similarly exhilarating phenomena.

  50. Comment by Jill2 | 03.9.2010 | 4:35 pm

    And “such” too.

  51. Comment by Debamundo | 03.9.2010 | 6:42 pm

    The voice in my head is that of Jens Voigt, so it is obviously male, even though I am female, and the accent is (again, obviously) German. It says things like, “You are soft, ya?” and, “Do as I say!” It is Jens as an evil SS officer, not the funny jovial Jens.

  52. Comment by Triflefat | 03.9.2010 | 7:46 pm

    Inner voices are disembodied entities that exist in a different world from the one we occupy.

    That must be why my voice screams a single mantra “No pain, no pain, no pain” during climbing intervals when to me there is nothing but pain.

    I usually hate my inner voice. But not always.

  53. Comment by roan | 03.9.2010 | 7:59 pm

    So its just a voice in my head…AND I thought I was going wacko ! Usually I hear something when it is dark, cold and raining…”you should have left work earlier”, “what you are tired ?”, “hit the wall, heh ?”, “Hope you don’t get a flat now…sucker” Then I focus on listening for the telltale…THERE it is..
    PSSSSpssssPSSSSpssssPSSSSpssss. “Well ya gona get a break now, congrats, fool”.
    Then in a cheerful voice, “Tomorrow’s goin to be better”.

  54. Comment by Drdave | 03.9.2010 | 8:36 pm

    The voice in my head is always busting my chops. I only wish it was a girly voice, that way I might at least enjoy it. In some weird way. I blame it on my 1st grade teacher. Its easier that way.

  55. Comment by Greg @ Greg Rides Trails | 03.9.2010 | 8:45 pm

    No french over here, but it is not friendly by any means.

  56. Comment by Boots | 03.9.2010 | 10:18 pm

    In reading the above, I have come to the conclusion that
    y’all are smoking something different. That’s not necessarily bad, but it does make one wonder. You see, I don’t hear anything at all – except for my panting. Maybe the voice got tired of waiting for me to catch up and split. If he/she returns, I will send him/her your way with glowing representations of fertile souls to be had!

    On the other hand since it is only me who is thus afflicted, maybe y’all are in the know and I have missed the boat.

  57. Comment by Colorado Yooper | 03.9.2010 | 10:26 pm

    Mine tells me he’s in charge, that I am only a puppet, and he is pulling the strings.

  58. Pingback by Daily News Roundup March 9th – Texas Bicycling « | 03.10.2010 | 12:13 am

    [...] Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » No One Rides Alone by fatty I can’t remember the nice one liners Phil has provided me during the race. I’m thinking of racing with a voice recorder just so I can capture the brilliant commentary that goes on in my head during races. So Texas CAT 4’s if you see the … [...]

  59. Comment by TrekJocky | 03.10.2010 | 1:52 am

    Always thought my inner voice was odd….. until Thomas Magnum talked about his inner voice…… in his inner voice. Then had to figure if Magnum had one too, all was good. (work the lock, don’t pay attention to the dogs, work the lock….)

  60. Comment by bikernks | 03.10.2010 | 4:04 am

    Mine has a really high pitched laugh, and keeps saying “Gizmo Caca.” And his name is Stripe…

  61. Comment by cometmom | 03.10.2010 | 9:37 am

    my voice used to say, “don’t be a dork don’t be a dork don’t be a dork.” recently i made him stop saying that. now he says, “go jungle girl go.” i go faster as jungle girl.

  62. Comment by Clydesteve | 03.10.2010 | 10:04 am

    Yours speaks in an outrageous French accent? Mine too! Only mine speaks in French. I do not know he is saying, but it sounds condecending & snarky.

  63. Comment by Sasha | 03.10.2010 | 2:28 pm

    My voice must be a slacker, for the most part, it says to me, why ride up this really long hill when you can walk? Actually, let’s just avoid this hill. Or A LOT of expletives about riding up a hill. It usually only talks to me when I’m approaching or riding uphill. It’s never sarcastic. I sometimes hear it when I’m approaching people or someone is trying to catch me and then it’s like, WTF, that person is HUGE and they are kicking our butt! What’s up with that? We need to follow them and find out their secret. Or, let’s throw a rope around their saddle and have them haul us up this hill. I think I’m just a pain wussy. I’m a fair weather rider and fussy about conditions. I’ll still ride in crappy weather, but me and my voice will complain all the way (in my head, of course). I don’t actually verbalize complaints too often. Don’t want people to think I’m a wussy.

    Also, no accent. And I think mine is gender neutral. Weird, huh?

  64. Comment by Roser | 03.10.2010 | 4:23 pm

    Recently my inner voice has been joined by a co-figmentofmyimagination. Bob Roll has been discussing his recovery from his recent down skiing accident. Why? Much like the coverage of Paris-Nice on vrs, it makes no sense, and does not contribute in any way to the cycling experience.

  65. Comment by dan | 03.10.2010 | 4:49 pm

    “This is stupid. You are not getting paid for this. And this in not fun,” That about sums up my inner voice when going uphill. I get it to stop by looking about 3 feet in front of me and turning my brain off.

    Going downhill it just says “Must go FASTER!”. I cant find a way to get that one to go away yet

  66. Comment by Jo | 03.10.2010 | 6:22 pm

    My voice reminds me I should be doing the dishes or other housework then it complains about being too cold or too hot. But my favorite is the way it hears every little noise when I am riding alone and convinces me that some hungry animal is sneaking up on me and about to pounce.

  67. Comment by Chris | 03.11.2010 | 7:40 am

    I hear my guy in my head too. I think he has Terrets. Often when riding in a group and someone half wheels me I hear him getting vulger with the person. “Hey ******* give us a little ******* room here.” Or it gives me advice, “move left 6 inches and see how far you can send this ********** into the tree line.” I think he has some anger issues and is closterfobic. When riding alone, he only likes to scare me more since I think this is his joy in life. For instance was riding last month with snow on spots of the trail. He is quiet untill I ride through those spots and that is when he tries to scare me more (as if riding through snow on 700×23c tires is not enough). I hear “hey ******* you should get off and walk through this,” or “sure ride through the snow you ****** idiot, yes there is pavement under it but you will find that out soon enough on your own.” I have also realized he is not a fan of wildlife. I was riding the same trail and a deer actually come out of the woods and jumped for a few strides next to me while I was crusing along just under 20mph. I was shocked and did all I could to not hit the deer and stay on the trail. Was this good enough for him nooooo. I cant even start to describe the expletives he used during this few seconds of terror. I think he did scare the deer away though and saved my life.

  68. Comment by Debora | 03.11.2010 | 11:06 am

    Mine; like many of you, is not nice at all. And as of late has been talking to me even when I am not even on the bike. Hhhhmmm?

  69. Comment by tibiker | 03.12.2010 | 10:48 pm

    I hear Phil Ligget when I’m riding and occasionally he is commentating on how I’m “dancing on the pedals”, but most of the time he’s commenting on how I’m “suffering like a dog”.
    And it seems the dog comments are getting much more frequent the last couple of years.

  70. Comment by tk3 | 03.16.2010 | 12:19 pm

    Mine always says “why aren’t you going faster?” And then I go faster. Then he says “why aren’t you going faster?” So I go faster. And so on.

    I’m usually pretty hungry when I finish a ride, so my voice asks “why are you eating so much?”


  71. Comment by WMdeR. | 03.17.2010 | 12:00 pm

    Well, I don’t have a disembodied voice in my head on uphills, unless I’m wearing a HRM or watching my cyclocomputer. Then its all about the numbers and what my breathing says about their relation to my actual work load.

    That’s why I don’t carry a heart-rate strap anymore, and my cyclocomputer has a piece of tape over the speed readout most of the time.

    On downhills, I think, entirely reasonably, “You don’t need your brakes on this one. The road will be clean. It’ll be dry. It’s only signed 20mph for 1950’s era automobiles. Remember last year at this time?” as I approach and enter any blind turn, whether I’ve been there before or not.

    At the same time some Voice is screaming “HANDS OFF OF THE BRAKES GET YOUR FINGER OFF OF THE LEVER COUNTERSTEER F*** OFF THE BRAKES OFF THE BRAKES G*dD***** M**,” and so on through the apex of the turn and I’ve scrubbed speed down to under 45mph or so and blown the exit wide anyway because I didn’t look through the rest of the turn.

    Sometimes the Voice comes out of my mouth when descending switchbacks.

    Thank you for the fun rerun!



    William M. deRosset
    Fort Collins, CO USA

  72. Comment by Marni | 04.14.2011 | 3:43 am

    wc0dQE Good point. I hadn’t thoghut about it quite that way. :)


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