I Am (Mrs.) IronFatty, Part IV: The Runner’s Tale

05.9.2010 | 10:19 pm

A Note from Fatty: A huge thanks to everyone who has sent me their stories from the 100 Miles of Nowhere. I’m going to be spending time today compiling my favorites, and posting them tomorrow. I’ll be putting a new story up every hour or three, so each one I post will have at least a little while as the lead story. In other words, tomorrow will be a good day to check back often.

Another Note from Fatty: As I was posting Parts One, Two and Three of my Ironman story, a lot of you — along with me — were asking for The Runner’s take on the day.

So here’s her story; it’s a good one. Enjoy!

The Backstory

Back in the spring of 2000, I was vacationing on the beautiful big island of Hawaii when the Ironman seed was planted. I had never done a triathlon and the furthest I had run was 22 miles, in a failed attempt to train for the St. George marathon. As I walked the beaches of Kona, looking out at the ocean where the IM competetors would swim and drove down the the Queen Ka’ahumanu highway and saw the occasional cyclist on the lone stretch of windy road, something clicked.

I wanted to experience this for myself.

Shortly after returning from Hawaii, my life took a turn. My husband was sick and unemployed. I had to find employment and try and keep my family life in some type of order. Ironman triathlon training was not in my realm of thinking. It was all I could do to just keep me and my family above water.

At this time my good friend and training partner Lynette started competing in Ironman Races. She would travel all over the world doing IM races in exotic foreign countries. When I wasn’t working, I would train on the bike and run with her. I would do “brick” workouts with her. I felt like I was training for my own Ironman.

My Ironman at this time in my life were the trials that I was enduring. As the years passed, my life returned to “normal.” Exercise had saved me. It was my escape from the realities of my world.

In April of 2009, I received a phone call from Lynette, informing me that Ironman was coming to St George. Here was my chance! I would never have the money to go somewhere exotic to compete in an Ironman. How could I pass up the opportunity to do an Ironman in my own backyard?

I somehow managed to scrape up the $550 and clicked YES on the internet registration form! I was in and committed. I had 13months to train.

Not a problem, right? I had successfully completed the Leadville Trail 100 mountain bike race four times, completed the 200+-mile LOTOJA cycling race, ran in a dozen or so half marathons and one full marathon. Along the way, I had also completed several sprint and Olympic distance triathlons. I had little doubt that I could finish the bike and run.

But the swim? That was a different matter.

Like many runners, I started swimming when I was recovering from a running injury. This was quite the feat when you consider that I didn’t know how to swim at all.

In the beginning, it was a chore to even swim one length of the pool. Thanks goes out to my friends Bry Christensen and Jilene Mecham for their patience with me in the pool in those early years. Needless to say, I never became much of a swimmer. I could swim forever, but I could never go very fast–I was the energizer bunny of the swimming world.

I knew my swimming needed some serious work. So in October of 2009, I joined Golds Gym and began swimming 3 times a week at 0500. I would have to be to work by 0700. Now that shows dedication… Getting up at that awful hour to do something you hate! Sadly to say, I never really got any better at swimming. My swim time only got slightly better after 7 months of training! In retrospect, I probably should have hired a swim coach.

After Fatty and I got engaged, I ramped up my Ironman training. One weekend in January, we had gone to St. George to try out the bike and run course. It was on the run course that Fatty made that ominous statement–the statement that would change the course of his training over the next several months: “pfff….this ironman training isn’t very tough. What’s all the fuss about? Anyone could do an Ironman!”

Within days of that post, the Timex rep contacted Fatty, offering him a slot in Ironman-challenging Fatty to practice what he was preaching! Being an awesome fiancé, Fatty wanted to know what I thought: would I rather have him cheering me on the sidelines or competing along side me? What a sweetheart.

I, without a doubt, wanted him by my side (relatively speaking), suffering with me!

St. George Ironman

Now for the story that you had asked for…

Saturday, May 1, 2010 started early…0315 to be exact. I awoke from the best pre- race night of sleep I’ve ever had. One quarter Ambien was the bomb! The reason why Fatty couldn’t do his “business” in the bathroom prior to leaving the motel was quite possibly because I was in the bathroom all morning; I have no problems with pre race pooping. Just say the words, “Swim…Bike… or Run” and my overactive bowels kick in.

The Swim

As we boarded the buses, my thoughts and fears were centered on the swim. Actually those fears had permeated every fiber of my being for the past 13 months and had now had come to a head. I was a wreck and had been for days. In fact, the last thing I said to my coworkers as I left work on Wednesday, was that I hoped I wouldn’t drown. It sounds overly dramatic, but I was serious.

And if I didn’t drown, would I make it out of the water before the cutoff? 2:20 to swim 2.4 miles…could I do it? After all, the last time I swam 2.4 miles in the pool, It had taken me 1:50.

I know from past experience in open water swims that I tend to panic and hyperventilate; during one of my previous triathlons, a man on a kayak came up to me and asked me if I was okay. Of course I was okay, I had said. What might have given him the idea that something was wrong–the gasping for air and the frantic doggy paddling I was doing?

Would I panic today when the cold water hit me? Should I add 20 minutes on to my 110 minute projected swim time for a panic attack? That would put my time at 2hrs and 10 minutes.

And what about swimming in a straight line? The lane lines on the bottom of the pool are monotonous and boring….but they keep me swimming straight. During another swim portion of a previous triathlon, a man on a kayak had to chase me down; tapping me on the shoulder with his oar, he told me I needed to turn around…I was swimming in the wrong direction! After redirecting myself, he chased me down again and told me I was still off course! Uuggh!

How much time would I need to add for swimming in the wrong direction? Would I even make it to the bike and run portions? Do you understand the fear and anxiety that I was experiencing?

Fatty tried to sympathize with me, but since he has little experience in triathlon swimming he hardly understood. All he would tell me was I would be fine; The Aqua Sphere wet suit would carry me through the swim.

Through the entire training process, I have always been a little jealous of Fatty’s swimming ability. The first time he got in the pool, he was able to swim a mile! He kept up with me and wasn’t even breathless! I knew Fatty would do fine! I also knew he loved the idea of the wetsuit and how it made him so sleek and fast–like a super hero, I think he said.

But the wetsuit didn’t make me feel like a super hero; it made me feel like a sausage in sausage casing!

As we pushed our way through the crowd of triathletes dressed in wetsuits, I struggled to put my neoprene swim cap on. My friend Angie looked over and laughed at me….she said I had put in on wrong. I thanked her, took it off and put it on again. Fatty then informed me that I still had it on wrong.

Boy, was I thankful I had that funny-looking neoprene hat that I didn’t know how to put on, though. The water was 58 degrees, after all.

When we finally got to the water’s edge, no one was getting in. What the heck? Didn’t they know it’s better to get in and get acclimated?

I dragged Fatty into the water and we swam out to the start line. We positioned ourselves in the back and hung on to a kayak. It was an incredible experience to see almost 2000 people, most of them running down the boat ramp, entering the water and starting to swim. After a few minutes, I looked over at Fatty, gave him a quick kiss, told him I loved him, wished him luck and started swimming

After taking several strokes, I looked up to see Fatty’s purple cap way out in front of me. That was the last time in many, many hours that I would see him. I knew he was off to a terrific start!

My swim was actually uneventful, which is good. I never panicked. My breathing stayed nice and calm. I only got kicked and hit a few times, nothing scary or catastrophic.

As for swimming straight, that was a different story. I would zig-zag from the buoys to the boats. Nothing too dramatic–the man on the kayak never had to chase me down.

I was swimming with a pack of people. It was a bigger pack at first and quickly dwindled as the faster swimmers pulled away. I didn’t feel like I was the last person in the water, because there was always a person swimming near me. My fear of not making the cutoff faded.

Then, as I was making the final turn of the swim leg and I could see the boat ramp ahead of me, the leg cramps set in. My calves and my feet were very unhappy. I tried to flex my feet and legs and push against the cramps, but then my kicking became erratic. As I was coming into the boat ramp, my left foot curled up into a claw-like position.


I was glad it was over. I don’t know how much more I could have taken. The cramps were definitely becoming worse!   

As I stumbled up the boat ramp, I was confused. Where was I supposed to go? What was I supposed to do? I walked up to a man with a helpful look on his face and just stood there. I had forgotten how to speak. He was kind enough to help unzip me. He was a little leary of pulling down my wet suit. In retrospect, I think he was scared he might pull off everything I had on.

Thank heavens the wetsuit came off and the bikini stayed on. I hate to say it, but I don’t think I would have cared or noticed at that moment if it had come off.

As I exited the water, I did notice the gigantic clock on the boat ramp with my time on it. I don’t know how Fatty could have missed it. He must have been a little delirious too. My time was 1:36. Awesome! I was way ahead of my projected swim time, and I was alive!

My brother and son were there, yelling encouragement. They informed me that Fatty was only about 20 minutes ahead of me! Twenty minutes?! He must be having a fantastic day!

As I was handed my T1 bag by a very helpful volunteer, I realized how cold I was. My hands had no dexterity. I was still slightly confused as I dumped out my bag of stuff.

I immediately grabbed my Fat Cyclist bib shorts and DZ nuts and headed for an outhouse. Once inside that stinky, dirty, and very small building I realized I was sopping wet and very cold! I was quite the sight, I’m sure, balanced over that stinky hole in the toilet, trying to put DZ Nuts on my chamois in my lycra shorts and then pull them up over my very wet butt with my very numb hands!

I eventually succeeded, exited that small building, put on my Fat Cyclist jersey and attempted to put on my arm warmers. I might add that was very hard to do too with numb hands and wet arms. I didn’t even try to put on my cycling gloves over my clawlike hands.

As I was finishing my ordeal of dressing, another swimmer came and sat down by me. A volunteer was wrapping a blanket around her. Her lips were blue and she was shaking uncontrollably. That’s when I realized that some people were really suffering from the cold water swim. I sang a quick praise to the people of Aqua Sphere for their awesome wetsuits, and another to Lynette for suggesting we buy neoprene swim caps.

I would later find out I was the 1500th person out of the water. Nineteen hundred swimmers had started. That meant there were only 400 people left in the water.

Which meant I had the potential to pass a lot of people on the bike.

The Bike

As I hopped on my bike I had a huge smile on my face. I had survived the swim and was now on my bike, and I felt fantastic.

The first 40 miles felt great. I was constantly in the “fast” lane, passing people. I must have hurt a lot of egos that day with my age — 42 — tattooed on my calf and a “Fat Cyclist” jersey on my back as I passed men of all ages and sizes.   

At mile 52 I pulled into the “special needs” station. I had been looking forward to sitting down, eating my subway sandwich and drinking my Mountain Dew.

As I pulled up to the lady holding out my bag, I stopped and tried to unclip from my bike. Thank heavens my right foot unclipped or that poor lady would have been doing more volunteering then she had expected in the form of being a cushion for my fall. My left foot wouldn’t unclip. I looked down at my foot and realized my cleat was still clipped into the pedal, but my shoe was coming off my clip!

Oh no.

I was worried I might break the cleat completely off the shoe. Then I would have been in a real pickle! So I remained clipped in, while standing on one leg and trying to open my bag and extract my sandwich.

Needless to say I was a little shaky.

The volunteer was nice and tried to hold me up right while I negotiated my sandwich. After taking a bite, I realized how stupid I must look…dah…take off your shoe, Lisa, and sit down. So that is what I did.

A nice man helped me remove my foot from the shoe and I sat on the road and ate my sandwich. As I looked around, I realized I was the only one sitting and eating. Those crazy people…didn’t they realize they have 50+ miles to go on the bike and then a marathon to run? Why don’t they stop and rest a minute? Are they trying to win, or finish?

The sandwich was a little dry, but the Mountain Dew tasted fantastic, and so did the Cheetos. As I was preparing to leave, I realized my water bottles were just about empty. I thought this “special needs area” would be an aid station with Gatorade and water.


So I decided to feel my water bottle with Mountain Dew (bad idea?), then I had the nice volunteers help me get my shoe on and my butt back on the seat, and I was off!!

The descent into St George and into the second loop of the course was fast and fantastic. The wind was at my back. I got into a nice tuck and was flying. My speeds were often in excess of 45mph. But for some reason, those TT bikes would still go sailing past me like I was standing still. As I was descending and resting my legs, I wondered if I should have taken that break after all. I had plenty of time to rest my legs before the 2nd loop started.

The start of the 2nd loop was good. I could tell I was a little more tired and a little slower. As I went through the park in Ivins the wind started to pick up. I thought to myself, “This could be real bad. Oh well, at least I got one loop done without much wind.”

On the other hand, I was still passing people. The people that could catch me were nice and we chatted briefly. (?)

Then, at mile 80, I felt a funny twinge in my stomach that quickly turned into pain. Every time I took a breath, it felt like a knife was being jabbed into my rib cage. Oh crap. How will I ever be able to run with two knives jabbing into my belly?

Over the next few miles, the pain intensified. I tried to take slow deep inhales with long exhales. The pain felt like a double side ache. I actually felt like I was blowing up like a huge balloon.

Where was all this gas coming from? The Mountain Dew? The Shot Bloks? The Pro Bars? The Subway? The fruit snacks? I had to get rid of this gas or I was going to explode!

Then I remembered I had GAS-X in my jersey pocket. I had read an article on Wednesday before the race that said GAS-X is a must for triathletes to help aid in stomach discomfort that they can experience during the event. I actually laughed. I’ve never suffered from stomach problems in any of my training runs or events. My friends and I actually have a tradition of running 8 miles to our favorite bakery, eating hot, greasy apple fritters and drinking mountain dew before running back the 8 miles home. I’ve never gotten sick from that; I actually am faster on the way home.

But while I was packing I found some GAS-X in my medicine cabinet and because of the article, I threw it in my bag. Lucky I did.

As I pulled up to the aid station in Gunlock, I pulled out the GAS-X and took the two that I had with me, as well as 800mg of Ibuprofen. The gas subsided a little as I proceeded up the two big climbs on the ride.

As I made the final descent into St George, the gas had eased off significantly. When I took a deep breath, I know longer felt like I was being stabbed with daggers. The pain was still there, but tolerable. My problem was that I was scared to eat or drink anything! I was scared that it might bring the gas back with a vengeance.

But it’s not a good idea to not fuel before the last leg of an Ironman, either.

As I made the last turn off of Bluff Street onto Diagonal Street, I saw Fatty. He had a big smile on his face and he looked great. I still had a few miles left on the bike and I still needed to transition, and Fatty was 2.5 miles into the marathon! I would never catch him!


The Run

The T2 transition went smoothly. A nice volunteer helped me take my shoe — the one still stuck in the pedal — off and took my bike. I took my time changing. The gas pains were returning , so I took a few more GAS-X that I had in my transition bag. I also had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my bag, so I took that with me for the road.


When I left the changing tent and started running, I saw my brother and son. I ran over to them and hugged them. It was so nice to see them, and their hugs energized me!

While I was running to the first aid station I attempted to eat my PBJ sandwich. I had the same problem Fatty did: the peanut butter got stuck in my mouth. Needless to say, the PBJ sandwich ended up in the first garbage can I came to!


The first few miles were slow. I felt like I was running with lead legs. My goal was to run a mile and walk a minute. I quickly changed my aspirations to “run when I can, walk when I can’t.”

The aid stations were phenomenal! There was a rock band at one, loud 80s music being blasted from another. All the volunteers were fantastic!

As I started to climb the hill at Red Hills Pkwy, Lynette’s daughter Mckenzie was there cheering me on. She was fantastic. She ran part way up the hill with me, encouraging me every step! I asked if she had any Tums she could spare; I was a quickly expanding balloon. She didn’t have any, but said she thought her dad, Cory, did. I started searching for Cory in the returning runners. My stomach was beginning to balloon out again.

Then, when I reached the top of this particular hill, a funny thing happened: I farted.

I was embarrassed at first, hoping no one had heard it, but the relief I got was amazing. I have never been so happy to fart in my life. I apologized to anyone I passed and passed gas by!

As I descended down to mile five, I ran by my son and brother again. This time they were holding up signs and cheering me on! I love you Guys; you rock!

Right after I passed them, I saw Fatty coming the other way. He was still looking strong and still about 3 miles ahead of me! We gave each other a quick peck on the cheek and professed our undying love for each other and kept running! I also explained quickly to him why his wife looked liked the Goodyear Blimp, but that I thought I had found a solution and that I prayed the condition was only temporary! He looked relieved.

Right after seeing Fatty, I passed Cory. He didn’t have any Tums with him, but he had some in his special needs bag. I asked him to grab me a couple. At this time he was only about a mile ahead of me.

As I ran/walked past my brother and son for the second time, they decided to join me on the trek up the next hill. It was so nice. I explained my gut problem and how the GAS-X was helping, but I didn’t have any more. They said they would run to the store and buy me some for the next time around. What guardian angels they are.

As I descended into St George to start my second lap, I could hear the announcer calling out finishers’ names! How sick and wrong to do that to us poor slow people! It was demoralizing to a degree, but at the same time, I knew the end was in sight…only 2+ hours of running left.

As I came to the turn-around point to start the last thirteen miles of the run, I was able to get a few more GAS-X from my special needs bag. I quickly downed them. I then caught Cory who also gave me a few Tums! Within a mile, I felt better. I actually picked up the pace and started passing people again.

As I came upon my brother and son, I was running strong. I told them I didn’t need the GAS-X at the moment; I was feeling good. They informed me that Fatty was only a few minutes ahead of me! wow…could I actually catch him?

At the turn around point at mile 20, Fatty was leaving it and I was entering it. I yelled for him to slow down so I could catch him. It didn’t really look like it was going to be a problem since he was walking.

The Final Six Miles

Fatty and I had spent months speculating on how we wanted the Ironman to end. In our dreams we would meet up around the half way point on the marathon and finish together. And here we were at mile 20 and together. It sounds like a sappy love story with a happy ending and that is exactly what happened.

The last 6 miles could have been horrible, the demons might have showed their ugly faces, but it didn’t happen. We walked when we had to, we ran when we could. When we came upon my brother and son, they accompanied us on our trek up the hill.

We laughed, I farted, we had almost made it. What a fantastic Ironman experience.

As we crossed the finish line together, I couldn’t fight back a gigantic smile! Elden and I had accomplished what we had set out to do. We had trained hard and we exceeded all our expectations.

We fought this battle and had won!

I’m sure Elden and I will have more mountains to climb, but together we can do anything! I love you Elden and I’m so proud of you!



  1. Comment by Stephanie | 05.9.2010 | 10:59 pm

    Excellent report, IronLisa! Congratulations on a job, very well done!

  2. Comment by Justin | 05.9.2010 | 11:01 pm

    Fun story Lisa. Fatty you are one lucky man…

  3. Comment by Denise Brooks | 05.9.2010 | 11:06 pm

    You rock.

  4. Comment by Gunther (from Germany) | 05.9.2010 | 11:07 pm

    WOW, great story, thank you very much for that! What a lucky IronCouple you are…

  5. Comment by BikeCopVT | 05.9.2010 | 11:40 pm

    Love the picture at the end. Great race report. Amazing job.

  6. Comment by chrisfit2009 | 05.9.2010 | 11:47 pm

    What an awesome series of posts. The ending from The Runner makes me think that a telemovie might be in order!

  7. Comment by Metric Jason | 05.10.2010 | 12:00 am

    Way to go Lisa (and Elden)! Your side of the IronFatty story was a great finish to Mother’s Day weekend.

    Looking forward to all the 100 Miles of Nowhere stories tomorrow.

  8. Comment by Mo | 05.10.2010 | 12:17 am

    awesome story. congrats to you both!

  9. Comment by ~Kristi | 05.10.2010 | 12:52 am

    So happy that you both have found each other~

  10. Comment by Jenn | 05.10.2010 | 12:57 am

    Great report, IronRunner! I’m inspired! But maybe only for the bakery run…Ironman, not so much. Have to comment (again) on what a great smile you have, so genuinely happy!

  11. Comment by a chris | 05.10.2010 | 1:45 am

    You make me feel all sappy. An awesome husband is an awesome thing in life, ain’t it? Presumably an awesome wife is, too, but I don’t have one of those.

  12. Comment by Russ | 05.10.2010 | 2:21 am

    Great accomplishment! Fatty failed to mention the mid-run kiss.

  13. Comment by Pattie | 05.10.2010 | 3:32 am

    Awesome story and great job on the IronWOman. U should consider sending the story to gas X. Can’t u see the commerical now:

    “Gas X
    We can help put the wind behind u.”


  14. Comment by Jeannette | 05.10.2010 | 4:13 am

    Great story. I SOOOOOOOO understands your worries about the swim, I am also the Energiser Bunny of swimming. My sprints look like my long slow distance…I just puff more. Out of 5000 swimmers in the Nossa Triathlon (Australia) I came in at 4998. What an achievement! Awesome finish Lisa and Elden.

  15. Comment by Eva | 05.10.2010 | 4:40 am

    Awesome story!

    Lisa and Elden, you are true heroes and great models for your children…

  16. Comment by Mike Roadie | 05.10.2010 | 4:56 am

    Great finish, great story, great writing.

    Proud of you both!

  17. Comment by Leah | 05.10.2010 | 5:08 am

    Thanks for sharing your story. Very inspiring post. Major kudos for having such a successful swim. I struggle with a lot of the same swim issues as you, so I know what a fantastic accomplishment that is. Congrats!

  18. Comment by George Not Hincapie | 05.10.2010 | 6:28 am

    Great accomplishment! I hope you realize, talking farts is just the beginning, you’ve been Eldenized…

  19. Comment by Arizona Guy | 05.10.2010 | 6:32 am

    Lisa -

    congrats and great job.

    You ladies need to ‘loosen up’ when it comes to relieving gas pressure… I’m sure I farted 100 times on the run, I would absolutely not finish if I had not trained my learned to let them fly while I ran.


  20. Comment by dawn from Houston | 05.10.2010 | 6:41 am

    It was good to read the “little woman’s” version of the race. The farting – well, I always figure I’m moving fast enough that no one will be able to trace it back to me. You could always belt out a tune when you feel like one is coming on, either that or a big cheer to the bystanders to mask the noise.

  21. Comment by roan | 05.10.2010 | 6:52 am

    Monday morning, getting ready for work. Checked fatcyclist…ahh new posting !
    This one from IronLisa, work or read, I have my priorities. Thanks Lisa a great way to start a Monday.
    The bike is huffing and puffing waiting for me…opps that is the dog wanting her morning quick walk.
    Luv you guys !

  22. Comment by Elisabethvi | 05.10.2010 | 7:02 am

    Loved it! Thanks for sharing your version. Great job on the race!

  23. Comment by Megan (Best of Fates) | 05.10.2010 | 7:17 am

    So great to hear the other side of the story – thanks for sharing!

  24. Comment by kalli@fitandfortysomething | 05.10.2010 | 7:27 am

    fun story-thanks for sharing!

  25. Comment by nobodaddy | 05.10.2010 | 7:36 am

    So glad you worked in something about the intestinal processes. Everything else is secondary.

  26. Comment by Doug | 05.10.2010 | 8:29 am

    Cool recap! BTW the woman behind you int he picture at the beginning of the run is Sarah Wilson from my Tri team. Its like meeting you once removed!

  27. Comment by Jennifer | 05.10.2010 | 8:29 am

    What a wonderful telling; Lisa should write more often. The ending brought actual tears to my eyes!

  28. Comment by whitney | 05.10.2010 | 8:36 am

    Wow! Great report, Runner. Clearly Fatty is not the only gifted writer in the family. Any woman who is comfortable enough to crack public jokes about gas and complete an Ironman is a fine one in my book! Congrats to you both. You are an adorable couple.

  29. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 05.10.2010 | 8:38 am

    Awesome story! And I can see that you and Fatty both have monster quads. What a match!

  30. Comment by Weaky6 | 05.10.2010 | 9:03 am

    Ladies don’t fart. We all know that. Fatty, you’re fired. Runner, you fill in for a while. Nice story Runner and thanks for the insight. Gosh, it is like a story book with you two. Really is a nice job by both. Thanks for sharing with the world.

  31. Comment by Clancy | 05.10.2010 | 9:16 am

    a funny thing happened: I farted.

    Somehow, I can’t help but think that Fatty married the perfect woman. :)

  32. Comment by dr. brett | 05.10.2010 | 9:18 am

    Congratulations to both of you–what an excellent thing to experience together. Reading his blog, I have gotten the impression that Fatty has something unnaturally uber about him. Congrats to a fellow mortal!

  33. Comment by Lisa | 05.10.2010 | 9:23 am

    What a great story! Exercise saved me too. Too many ways to count. Congratulations on completing Ironman! :)

  34. Comment by Betsy | 05.10.2010 | 9:57 am

    Thanks for sharing IronRunner. Loved the story. You both are so awesome. Fatty should be thanking his lucky stars to be married to such an amazing woman.
    Congrats to you both.

  35. Comment by Heidi | 05.10.2010 | 10:00 am

    “We laughed, I farted…” HAHAHAHA! Way to go, Lisa! What an amazing accomplishment.

  36. Comment by briebecca | 05.10.2010 | 10:33 am

    I’ve gotten those knife daggers in the past – even on my bike commute home. Good to know that Gas-X and Tums can do the trick. I will have to stock up on that. And I can totally relate to the hyperventilating and panicking during open-water swims. It is the loneliest feeling. Glad you didn’t succumb to that. Way to kick some serious a$$ on the bike portion!! Dang, now I want to do an Ironman! I’ve only done sprints. You two are truly inspirational!

  37. Comment by Alyson | 05.10.2010 | 10:35 am

    You ROCK IronLisa!!! Such an inspiration!:-)

  38. Comment by Philly Jen | 05.10.2010 | 10:36 am

    Hey, wait a minute…

    The first rule of Fart Club is you don’t talk about Fart Club!

    But seriously, congratulations on making your big dreams come true.

  39. Comment by KanyonKris | 05.10.2010 | 11:07 am

    Congratulations, Lisa! And thanks for telling your story.

  40. Comment by Rhonda | 05.10.2010 | 11:13 am

    I can’t decide what is more inspirational – how exercise and dedication got you through a tough period in your life or how your love for Fatty is so real???

  41. Comment by melicious | 05.10.2010 | 11:46 am

    Lisa: thanks soooo much for your version of this fantastic, awesome adventure and accomplishment! And like some other readers said, your line “Exercise had saved me. It was my escape from the realities of my world.” ring so very true. Excellent job again on all 3 parts of the race and for finishing with Fatty. You are an Ironwoman! Very touching and sweet, and it says a lot (of good things)about your relationship.

  42. Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 05.10.2010 | 12:07 pm

    Very cool! Thanks for telling your tale and congratulations on finishing!

  43. Comment by Kevin | 05.10.2010 | 12:20 pm

    You both should be proud: what a terrific team you two make.

  44. Comment by Lisa (sideoats + scribbles) | 05.10.2010 | 12:25 pm

    Hi Lisa! I loved reading this! (Even more than reading Fatty’s. Shhhhh, don’t tell him). Maybe it’s because my name is Lisa too, and I can’t swim either. Ha ha ha! In fact, I don’t even own a bathing suit. I had ankle surgery a few months back and it’s not completely healed yet — my doc suggested swimming a few weeks ago to keep in shape. I laughed at her at first, but now I’m thinking I should see this as an opportunity! So, thanks a ton. AND! The surgery makes it where I can’t clip my left foot out — so I have to take my foot off my shoe and then clip it out — boy do I know what that’s like.

    Major kudos to both of you!!!! :)

  45. Comment by Clydesteve | 05.10.2010 | 12:52 pm

    Nice writeup, IronLisa. I can’t think of anything so clever as Philly Jens’ comment, so reread that, ‘kay?

  46. Comment by christine | 05.10.2010 | 12:57 pm

    Congratulations, IronRunner! That was a wonderfully witty post – and like many others on the forum, I agree that you and Fatty make the perfect team!

    PS – reading both your IronMan accounts inspired me to go out and volunteer for the NYC Nautica Triathlon this July, even if I’m nowhere near triathlete quality at least I can see what folks like you like to do!

  47. Comment by Accident Prone | 05.10.2010 | 1:06 pm

    Great job on the Ironman and all that, but I’m still stuck on the 16 mile run punctuated by apple fritters and mountain dew. I’ve never run that far but I’m thinking the apple fritter might be a good incentive to try.

  48. Comment by Ken | 05.10.2010 | 1:23 pm

    FANTASTIC! Hope you’ll be a guest blogger often. If you start your own blog, Fatty’s gonna have tough competition.
    Hope to see you in Seattle for the LIVESTRONG CHallenge this summer.

  49. Comment by VA Biker | 05.10.2010 | 2:26 pm

    I truly love reading race accounts, and that one was awesome! Thanks for sharing!

  50. Comment by Gomez | 05.10.2010 | 2:29 pm

    Darn it; holding back tears, and I’m a DUDE…maybe it’s my cold. Yep, that’s it.
    Great report, IronRunner (IronRunner McIronFatty, of the Utah McIronFattys?).

  51. Comment by Scott in MN | 05.10.2010 | 2:44 pm

    Great stories, thank you both!!!!

  52. Comment by MattC | 05.10.2010 | 3:44 pm

    Ahhhhh…interesting writup Iron Runner…an obvious total work of fiction…a fabrication, hoax, or even fake story! We ALL know that women don’t fart. Who are you trying to kid here?? (sorry…didn’t mean to take all the, ahem…”wind”, out of your sails!)

    I like that you tell it like it is (was)…didn’t pull any punches. EXCELLENT report…now don’t do it again (an IM I mean)! The old saying “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me” should certainly apply here. Thankfully it sounds like you both are on the same page with that. Whew!

    And so….on to the NEXT crazy adventure! What will it be? Mountaineering? Flying around the world in a, ahem…HOT AIR balloon (ha ha!)? I’ll be anxious to hear what you do come up with.

    And hey Fatty…are you guys still coming out to the Tour of Calif for a stage ‘ride in the team-car’?? Maybe the Palmdale to Big Bear stage?

  53. Comment by Clericeric | 05.10.2010 | 3:45 pm

    Farty and Fatty. hehehe…

  54. Comment by Paul | 05.10.2010 | 4:01 pm

    Great story. All this time Fatty made you out to be this semi-pro demi-god training him to death, but you come across as “one of us” and down to earth.

    I had the same problem with my stomach on my little 40 mile bike ride two days ago. I learned something – take tums and/or gas-x on the ride.

    They should add a privacy zig-zag transition zone between the swim and bike for each sex so you don’t have to change in an awful smelly outhouse.

  55. Comment by Yukirin Boy | 05.10.2010 | 4:20 pm


  56. Comment by Paulscarlett | 05.10.2010 | 4:31 pm

    Hey Iron Runner, great job, I am still laughing at “it made me feel like a sausage in sausage casing!” great work
    Iron Fatty, I think you married your female clone. You guys are inspiring

    @Philly Jen and @Clericeric, nice posts! :-)

  57. Comment by Yukon19 | 05.10.2010 | 6:01 pm

    Fatty and Lisa
    Thank you both for the great write up on your IM experince and sharing parts of your lives. You are both very inspiring to us.

  58. Comment by Ian Thomson | 05.10.2010 | 7:06 pm

    Fatty and Lisa,
    you guys are great story tellers. Thank you for sharing! It takes a lot of courage for a woman to fart in public!! LMAO!!!

    I love this blog, every time I leave it, I feel inspired!! Well Done!!


  59. Comment by Sara | 05.10.2010 | 7:39 pm

    thanks for the gas-x and tums tip! i’ll make sure i have those on hand for my next tri! :-)

  60. Comment by Sophia | 05.10.2010 | 8:57 pm

    Thanks for your story; it’s very inspiring. I can completely relate to your trepidation and difficulties with swimming. I am like you were when you started but worse–and probably more afraid of the water. I don’t even like sharing a lane in a swimming pool, so the idea of a mob in open water sounds pretty terrifying. But you guys made it! Congratulations!!!!

  61. Comment by Gordon In Melb, Australia | 05.10.2010 | 9:04 pm

    I vote a name change to “Fart Cyclist”

    All in favour say aye

  62. Comment by AK Chick | 05.10.2010 | 9:05 pm

    So awesome! Thank you, Lisa aka Mrs. IronFatty, The Runner, The Biker, and The Swimmer. :) You rock. I’m so excited that you took the time to write about your adventure. Thank you! I laughed with you reading about your gas misadventure. I have a delicate tummy and digestive system so I can completely relate, though I havven’t had any problems with gas (yet – knock on wood). I have had other not so fun digestive issues. I hope you guest blog more often. Or start your own blog. I love reading about women athlete’s point of view. You are awesome! :) Elden is truly blessed to have such a wonderful woman in his life.

  63. Comment by LesleyG | 05.10.2010 | 9:43 pm

    In all the IM race reports I’ve ever read, all the people I know who’ve done them, this is the first I’ve heard of needed GasX. THANK YOU! Because I would be someone who needed that, no doubt.
    Congratulations on your race! Thanks so much for sharing!

  64. Comment by RyanP | 05.10.2010 | 9:55 pm

    Love it Mrs. Ironfatty!

    Fatty, still waiting to hear about the 100 miles to nowhere! Love this blog, keep it up Fatty!

  65. Comment by bruski | 05.11.2010 | 3:45 am

    Awesome to follow you guys into the Ironman, great reading and motivational material. I have always (only a little bit) thought of an Ironman but have always shaken my head thought it to be an impossible target.

    Your experience almost confirms that it is impossible but perhaps it could be attainable.


  66. Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 05.11.2010 | 7:07 am

    Clericeric you beat me and by quite a few hours too. Was dying to use the Farty and Fatty well done.

    Thanks Runner for taking the time to tell us your story as well. Cheers

  67. Comment by Kathleen Lisson | 05.11.2010 | 7:37 am

    Thank you so much for posting this story, fellow Runner. Sometimes life is like your Ironman experience. Two good people each run their own race, each experiencing their highs and lows, and meet at mile 20 to finish the journey together.

  68. Comment by Kiki | 05.12.2010 | 10:42 am

    Way to go IronLisa! As someone who sounded like the entire horn section of a big band going down the crowd lined main street of Coeur D’Alene, this is a post I can relate to. Only time in my life guys cheered for my farts! Having done more Ironmans than I care to admit, I am way more scared of Leadville. Thanks for inspiring me:)

  69. Comment by Allison- S. Florida | 05.12.2010 | 8:26 pm

    Thank you for sharing, Lisa. I really enjoyed seeing the race through your eyes. My husband and I also share a love of endurance events and have done many side by side. It’s so nice to be able experience the highs and lows of racing and training together.
    Also, congratulations on your marriage. You are both lucky to have found each other.
    Best wishes,

  70. Comment by Spleen | 05.21.2010 | 9:46 am

    Great report, but why was Stanley Tucci doing the race with you?


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