I Will Be Intimidatingly Handsome As I Run the NYC Marathon This Weekend

11.1.2010 | 11:39 am

IMG_0588_2.jpgOh my. The year is almost over. With Halloween behind us (I went as a balding, paunchy middle-aged man), we suddenly find ourselves in . . . November Movember.

Yes, that’s right. Movember. The month where men all over the world grow a moustache (or “mo” as Australian youngsters call them, I guess), in the hopes that the following conversation will occur, several times over:

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Um, you seem to be growing a moustache.

You: Why, yes. Yes I am. Thank you for noticing.

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Honestly, I was trying my utmost to not notice, but I couldn’t help it. Honestly, it is the single most awful thing you could have done to your face.

You: I agree! I look both dangerous and ridiculous! My family has ceased acknowledging me, my friends will no longer ride with me, and my boss has changed my job so that I no longer meet with customers!

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Why are you growing a moustache, then?

You: Because it’s Movember — the month formerly known as November. During this month, I adorn my ordinarily handsome face with ridiculous facial hair, for the purpose of engaging curious-yet-wary acquaintances such as yourself in a conversation such as the one we are having! And now that I’ve drawn you in with my hideous appearance, I would now like to tell you that I — along with the rest of Team Fatty — am also trying to raise awareness and money for the Movember Foundation, which in turn is funding the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LiveStrong. These are all good foundations doing important work. And I am doing my part by neglecting to shave certain parts of my face for a month.

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Wouldn’t it be simpler to just wear a ribbon or a wristband or something?

You: Yes it would. But it would be so much less humiliating and hairy. And when’s the last time you asked someone about their ribbon or wristband?

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: 2004.

You: So, are you going to join Team Fatty and grow a moustache, thereby not only making yourself look like an out-of-work porn star?

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Yes I am, because your case is compelling. What do I do?

You: Well, go to http://us.movember.com/mospace/700960/ to join Team Fatty. Or to donate. Either way is just fine.

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Thank you. I will do both at my earliest opportunity. And now please excuse me while I avoid looking at your face for the rest of the month.

201011011118.jpg Getting Ready to Run

To the right, you will see my current Mo status.

I confess that I started my Mo last Thursday — October 28 — which is a couple of days early. I did this for two very good reasons:

  1. I really want my Mo to be in full bloom when I — along with the rest of Team Fatty NYC — run the NYC marathon this weekend.
  2. Since I had been in an actual office with actual co-workers most of the week, and had therefore been shaving every day that week, I was sick of shaving and so by today had a pretty good scruff going on and it seemed like such a waste to not get my Tallahassee (yes, I’m doing the Tallahassee again this year) started.

I fully expect my Mo to give me that extra little something — the thing that helps me keep running when all I want to do is walk. I mean, think about it. With a moustache like this, I kinda need to keep moving, wouldn’t you think?

By the way, I am happy to announce that I have been working on my drawl, and it is coming along nicely. By this Saturday, it should sound every bit as authentically western as my Tallahassee-inspired Mo looks.

Team Fatty Will Look Very Very in NYC

In the coming days, I will detail my plans — and my fears — for the NYC Marathon, but for right now, I’d just like to point out that Team Fatty NYC has been incredibly well taken-care-of by our friends at Pearl Izumi.

For one thing, we’ve been given custom running shirts (front design on the left; back design on the right):

My Photo_49.jpg

Men’s colors are black and orange, Women’s colors are black and pink.

Here’s a closeup of the front:

My Photo_48.jpg

But Pearl Izumi didn’t just set us up with great running shirts. No indeed. We each — all 16 of us — also got two pair of Pearl Izumi running shorts, two pair of high-end Pearl Izumi running socks (I love the way the socks are left/right specific — never have socks been so comfortable), short- and long-sleeved tech running shirts, and Pearl Izumi running shoes.

My Photo_46.jpg

Swagtastic. Thanks tons, PI. You guys rock.

And — if I may — I’d like to say that I love these shoes. I have not been training the way I should (I’ll explain soon), but the right knee pain and left hip pain I’ve been suffering with have gone way down since I’ve switched to these shoes. I’m sticking with them from now on.

So. Everyone’s coming to cheer us on, right?


  1. Comment by Jeannette | 11.1.2010 | 11:55 am

    You guys will look so cool……and it’s not how fast you go, its how good you look!

  2. Comment by Barbara | 11.1.2010 | 11:59 am

    Fatty, your mo is indeed grotesque. But, on to more important questions – what IS that stuff growing out of your HEAD? Was it the Dockers that did it?

  3. Comment by Nooch | 11.1.2010 | 12:18 pm

    I think a small conglomorate of Team Fatty Philly (though really, I’m closer to NYC than anywhere else!) will be in tow to cheer you along… And by Sunday, my ‘Hulkster-Stach’ (yes, think Hulk Hogan) should be in semi-recognizable bloom.

  4. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 11.1.2010 | 12:25 pm

    Awesome! Go PI, and go Team Fatty in NYC!

  5. Comment by NYCCarlos | 11.1.2010 | 12:28 pm

    see you this weekend!

  6. Comment by Jim | 11.1.2010 | 12:31 pm

    Nice moustache Elden. It makes you look menacing – in a what’s-that-toddler-doing-with-my-pistol sort of way.

  7. Comment by Alison Wonderland | 11.1.2010 | 1:04 pm

    Interestingly, yet succinctly put. Nice Job.

    Good Luck.

  8. Comment by Christopher Stephens | 11.1.2010 | 1:15 pm

    While I won’t be running in NYC on Sunday, I will be handing out Gatorade, etc., at the mile 18 water stop. And why won’t I be running? Because I ran the Marine Corps Marathon yesterday. And whom did I spot at the start? PhillyJen, of course. I was easy to find in my Halloween-colored orange and black Team Fatty shirt. Got a few “Go Team Fatty!”s along the way. At the finish, queuing to get my picture taken, the man behind me said I wasn’t really qualified to be wearing the shirt (i.e., not fat), so I explained the usual story that starts “There’s this guy named Elden” and ends “…raised millions of dollars to fight cancer.” He thanked me, explaining that he has had a bunch of his lymph nodes removed and is dealing with lymphoma right now. Puts the whole thing in context.

    So, run, Fatty, you stylish devil, and I’ll see you, with Gatorade, at First Avenue and 96th Street.

  9. Comment by Squirrelhead | 11.1.2010 | 1:31 pm

    Run fatboy run! That is so awesome that so many Team Fattys will be at the NY Marathon. PI made it even more awesome with the sweet swag drop on the Team Fatty members. I wish that I could be up there to cheer everyone on.
    I am jealous of the head start that you have on Movember.

  10. Comment by Nurse Betsy | 11.1.2010 | 1:45 pm

    You Mo makes you look like the cartoon guy Snidely Whiplash from the Dudely Do Right show. All you need is a top hat. Sinister at best…..

    Have fun and run fast Fatty!!!!!

  11. Comment by Scott R | 11.1.2010 | 2:29 pm

    Love the shirts, and the other swag appears awesome. Hope everyone on the team has a great run.

  12. Comment by rokrider | 11.1.2010 | 2:42 pm

    What happens if you put the socks on the wrong feet?

    Do you run backwards?

  13. Comment by Haven (KT) | 11.1.2010 | 2:51 pm

    I think you should continue to shave your head. That would look wicked with the Tallahassee that’s occurring on your face.

    Good luck, Team Fatty, at the marathon!! Rock their world!

  14. Comment by pmiranda | 11.1.2010 | 3:22 pm

    So you liked visiting Austin last month, right?
    You like to support Livestrong, right?
    You can run a marathon, right?

    Come run the LIVESTRONG Austin Marathon in February!

  15. Comment by mtb w | 11.1.2010 | 3:57 pm

    Is is be a Pirate day already?

  16. Comment by mtb w | 11.1.2010 | 4:00 pm

    cough, sorry – “Is it Pirate Day already?” With a face like that, yell out “Avast ye mateys” and you’ve got it nailed.

  17. Comment by Class Cyclist | 11.1.2010 | 4:32 pm

    awww…I want to get cool free stuff too…

  18. Comment by Eric | 11.1.2010 | 4:38 pm

    Having not seen my upper lip in years, the hairs came off to start over, let me tell you it is scary! I can’t wait for my Mo to grow
    Go Team Fatty!

  19. Comment by Arizona Guy | 11.1.2010 | 4:48 pm

    MO-ving along.

    OK – I was experiencing a sugar hangover this morning and could not be troubled to shave. Little did I know I was psychically tuned into Movember and have a start on the scruff. I guess I’m on for it – although I am interviewing this month so don’t expect much creativity.

    Good luck in NYC – my brother is running his first marathon there. He is number 7686w297qt7t433 I think, if you see him day Hi!

  20. Comment by Paul G | 11.1.2010 | 5:24 pm

    We’ll be cheering at 83rd and First, Runner’s Left, in full Fatty regalia.

    Are there any plans for a Fatty-gathering?

  21. Comment by Cary | 11.1.2010 | 6:09 pm

    I will be riding a portion of the course during the early AM, and then cheering along the route. Any chance of a fatty meetup over the weekend?

  22. Comment by Jenni | 11.1.2010 | 7:16 pm

    We totally need Fat Cyclist running gear. Skinny folks wearing “fatty” clothes, and cyclists running. Up is down!!

    I will be part of the cheering squad- wouldn’t miss it for the world!! I think we’re going to work some details out with Philly Jen.

    I’m at jenlaurita at gmail if anyone wants to get in touch- we’ll work it out


  23. Comment by Megan Bunch | 11.1.2010 | 8:17 pm

    I AM RUNNING IN NYC on SUNDAY and AM THRILLED TO KNOW THERE are OTHERS from UTAH running as WELL! NOW I know what to look for as I race along…Good LUCK Fat Cyclist TEAM! I have followed you for years and am thrilled to know you will be THERE with ME on the COURSE!!!

  24. Comment by Anna | 11.1.2010 | 8:40 pm

    I wish I could grow facial hair so I could participate!

    Can’t wait to run with TEAM FATTY this weekend! The carbo/sodium load has begun! I am so excited to meet Fatty, the Runner, and our Team! Wohoo!

    P.S. The PI gear is pretty sweet!! :)

  25. Comment by Kel | 11.1.2010 | 8:47 pm

    Ahh.. You will be so awesome in that gear that nobody will even notice your Mo!

  26. Comment by Cyclegreek | 11.1.2010 | 10:45 pm

    Fatty, the stache is coming in quite marvelously. Though I am much distressed, sent you an email a week and a half or so ago, never got a reply. My project is awaiting your confirmation. Would mean the world if you could get back to me.


  27. Comment by Anne | 11.2.2010 | 2:07 am

    Have a great marathon in New York. I am glad that you got to wear good running gear and running socks always have right and left indications according to my knowledge and the ones I have from Nike and Falke.

  28. Comment by stuckinmypedals | 11.2.2010 | 2:50 am

    Wow, that mo makes you look like a serial killer, as opposed to your usual face that makes you look like a cereal killer. Have a great run and go, Team Fatty!

  29. Comment by Jantine | 11.2.2010 | 4:56 am

    Hi Fatty,

    Read you suffer from knee en hip pain (though less with the PI shoes). Have you ever looked into Chi running by Danny and Katherine Dreyer? I suffered from shin splints and their running method helped me to adjust my training practice. Now I am pain free. Anyway, good luck in the marathon and good luck this Movember (I’ll participate by means of not bleaching mine :-))

    Jantine (from Holland)

  30. Comment by Ed O | 11.2.2010 | 9:54 am


    My wife and I, and some friends, will be out on Sunday in Brooklyn(the best borough, by the way). I’ll be sure to look for you all and yell some encouragement. We will be on 4th ave between St. Marks and Bergen St. on the right side of the road. It is a little past mile 7 I believe.

    Thanks for all your efforts to help fight cancer. We lost my mother to cancer 2 years ago. You have inspired me to do more to help find a cure. I am not a runner, but I will be sure to ride my bike for the cause int he near future. Be well and have fun on Sunday.

  31. Comment by annette | 11.2.2010 | 10:03 am

    I want that shirt! Good Luck!

  32. Comment by eric | 11.2.2010 | 10:39 am


    e gads………….

  33. Comment by keighty | 11.2.2010 | 11:27 am

    I also want that shirt. Would Pearl do a special Fatty edition for those of us who are runners and want to support the cause? I have Pearl Izumi running tops and love their stuff (I avoid wearing my other stuff because I love my PI stuff that much). Any possibility of that happening?

  34. Comment by Scott R | 11.2.2010 | 12:02 pm

    Keighty – or non-runners who aspire to get better at it. I’d be all over buying those shirts, if they were available.

    As much as I love this year’s tech tee, I kinda wish they didn’t have the huge logo on the back. I’d wear it all the time, like my WIN tee.

  35. Comment by NYCCarlos | 11.2.2010 | 3:05 pm

    For those of you with iPhones, you can track Fatty’s progress on the “NYRR Presents the ING New York City Marathon” APP!

    I’ll be using it to find when my Girlfriend and Fatty are going to be near where I’m cheering. The app is free, but friend tracking is $3.99.


  36. Comment by Maggi | 11.2.2010 | 6:32 pm

    Lookin’ good, Elden!

    Another Team Fatty Philly member here, who will definitely be in NYC on Sunday to cheer. Folks, head on over to the Team Fatty Philly Facebook page (holy heck, I adore alliteration) and help us plan where we’ll meet and how we’ll space ourselves out on the course!


  37. Comment by Bisso | 11.2.2010 | 7:21 pm

    While i certainly wont be in NY this weekend, i will be doing a charity century here in Australia and will be stoked to be wearing my newly arrived team fatty gear. goosd thing to, the white jersey is fairly well worn and it may offend everyone else on the train to the start line.

    i will be resplendant in black and orange, dodgy partly-grown mo, and pride in flying the Team Fatty flag down under once again.

    Run well, y’all!

  38. Comment by Jenni | 11.2.2010 | 8:12 pm

    What wave will you be starting in?

  39. Comment by Elissa | 11.2.2010 | 9:45 pm

    i’ll be there to cheer you guys on – look for me around Mile 22, just past Marcus Garvey park!!!

  40. Comment by The Former 550Lbs + Cyclist | 11.2.2010 | 11:55 pm

    Good Luck Fatty

    Because of inspirational people like yourself, one day, in the now not too distance future I will be running marathons, Thanks Fatty


  41. Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 11.3.2010 | 5:09 am

    As you mentioned the Oz Mo I though I’d mention how the Oz girls have started to join in the Movember spirit particularly those that shave their legs. They leave a small patch of hair just below the knee in the shape of a triangle and don’t shave it for the month. IT is locally referred to as their other Map of Tassie (Tasmania) which is an Island state south of the mainland. I’m sure the other Aussies reading this will get the joke.

  42. Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 11.3.2010 | 5:57 am

    P.S. Bisso is that Amy’s Ride in Sth Oz. Named after Amy Gillette a member of the Oz Women’s Road Cycling Team killed on a team training ride in Germany by an inattentive inexperienced youndg car driver. What a waste. Fortunately the other girls seriously injured in the incident are all back on their bikes. Another very worthy cause.

  43. Comment by Erik | 11.3.2010 | 9:59 am

    You cheated, Fatty. That top picture is from LAST year’s Tallahassee grow.

    Still, the mad diabolical look in your eyes is enough to make my piss run cold.

  44. Comment by Wil | 11.3.2010 | 12:28 pm

    The Tallahassee is a bold choice my friend, rife with luxury.

    I, myself, am going with the Doc Holliday Imperial.

  45. Comment by jake | 11.3.2010 | 5:57 pm

    I’ll be out with my waving stick (better known as my skinny arm) at E96th. Go man go!

  46. Comment by CRSonic | 11.4.2010 | 1:21 pm

    I want a t-shirt that says ‘Run like an animal’!!!!

    good luck!

  47. Comment by MikeC | 11.5.2010 | 3:33 pm

    In the photo at the top of the page, you look like Ron Post, the more insane and psychopathic of the dimension shifting comic book characters, Those Annoying Post Bros. Really, it’s uncanny. Keep it up!

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