11.7.2010 | 6:03 am


Originally uploaded by Fat Cyclist.

We took the R to the ferry. The Ferry to Staten island. And now we’re on a shuttle bus to the starting corrals.

And all along the way, we have had no trouble getting seats. The Mo, my raised eyebrow stinkeye, and a black cap make me look like a very dangerous man indeed.


I Am About To Find Out What I Would Look Like With Giant Nostrils

11.3.2010 | 6:38 am

A Note from Fatty: I am in the middle of week two of an incredibly intense two weeks at work, so please do me a favor and forgive the infrequency and shortness and general phoned-it-in-ness of what I have been writing. My life will be back to normal next week, and I’ll be back to writing in great detail about things that haven’t actually happened again. Really.

Tomorrow — Thursday — is the premier of the Race Across the Sky documentary — the movie that details the 2010 Leadville 100 Mountain Bike Race.

I have previously mentioned that I was interviewed when this movie was filmed. At the time, I did not know how much of that interview was going to make it into the final cut.

Well, since then I’ve learned something amazing: my entire interview — all 90 minutes of it — is going to be in the movie. In its entirety. Uncut.

Okay, that may not be precisely true. However, I have learned that I will get more than the 2.2 seconds of film time I secretly (OK, not so secretly) expected I’d get.

Now, there’s a decent chance that this film will be playing at a theatre near you. So I hope you’ll go see the movie tomorrow (Click here to buy tickets). Because then if I’ve made a horrible fool of myself (a near certainty), I’ll at least be able to comfort myself with the knowledge that everyone who reads this blog will have had a good laugh at my expense.

Which is really one of the major reasons this blog exists, I guess, so I’m cool with that.

Of course, not everyone will be able to go see this movie. Fortunately for you, the people who made the movie sent me a photo — they called it a “production still,” but it looks like a photo to me — of me they took during my interview. Check me out:


The question you undoubtedly have — and I confess to having the selfsame question — is, “Can Fatty possibly hold his stomach in like that for a full 45-minutes-long interview?”

I guess we’ll find out.

Now, to get the full experience of what I was like during this interview, just imagine me standing there for forty five minutes, fidgeting and trying to answer questions, then starting to ramble and losing my train of thought, but continuing to talk anyway.

You know, pretty much the same experience you get with this blog anyway, but more multimedia-y.

My Anticipated Film Experience

I’ll be going to the 6:30PM showing of the movie at the Cinemark University Mall theatre in Orem, UT. I’ll have my Mom, her husband, The Runner, and six children in tow. So we’ll probably fill up half the house ourselves.

Still, if If you’re local, you should join me.

Once there, I expect to be unable to participate in any kind of conversation, since I’ll be trying my hardest to remember whether I insulted anyone in the audience, not to mention whether I used any bad language on camera.

Once the film begins, I will clench my jaw and sit rigidly until I come on screen. At which point I will stare in awe at huge I am when projected onto aforementioned screen, not to mention how effectively every imperfection I have is exquisitely magnified.

I will then marvel at how huge my nostrils are.

Once I have seen and heard myself, I hope to be able to stop worrying about it and just enjoy the movie. But honestly, I know that won’t happen. I’ll fret and mentally edit everything I say, and will probably smack myself mentally (maybe physically too) over how I forgot to include the most important thing in my response to any given question.

After the movie I will sit low in my chair until everyone leaves, and then I will go to my car and change into a non-soaked-with-sweat shirt.

PS: The trailer for the movie is good enough that I don’t mind embedding it here again.

I Will Be Intimidatingly Handsome As I Run the NYC Marathon This Weekend

11.1.2010 | 11:39 am

IMG_0588_2.jpgOh my. The year is almost over. With Halloween behind us (I went as a balding, paunchy middle-aged man), we suddenly find ourselves in . . . November Movember.

Yes, that’s right. Movember. The month where men all over the world grow a moustache (or “mo” as Australian youngsters call them, I guess), in the hopes that the following conversation will occur, several times over:

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Um, you seem to be growing a moustache.

You: Why, yes. Yes I am. Thank you for noticing.

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Honestly, I was trying my utmost to not notice, but I couldn’t help it. Honestly, it is the single most awful thing you could have done to your face.

You: I agree! I look both dangerous and ridiculous! My family has ceased acknowledging me, my friends will no longer ride with me, and my boss has changed my job so that I no longer meet with customers!

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Why are you growing a moustache, then?

You: Because it’s Movember — the month formerly known as November. During this month, I adorn my ordinarily handsome face with ridiculous facial hair, for the purpose of engaging curious-yet-wary acquaintances such as yourself in a conversation such as the one we are having! And now that I’ve drawn you in with my hideous appearance, I would now like to tell you that I — along with the rest of Team Fatty — am also trying to raise awareness and money for the Movember Foundation, which in turn is funding the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LiveStrong. These are all good foundations doing important work. And I am doing my part by neglecting to shave certain parts of my face for a month.

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Wouldn’t it be simpler to just wear a ribbon or a wristband or something?

You: Yes it would. But it would be so much less humiliating and hairy. And when’s the last time you asked someone about their ribbon or wristband?

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: 2004.

You: So, are you going to join Team Fatty and grow a moustache, thereby not only making yourself look like an out-of-work porn star?

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Yes I am, because your case is compelling. What do I do?

You: Well, go to http://us.movember.com/mospace/700960/ to join Team Fatty. Or to donate. Either way is just fine.

Curious, yet wary acquaintance: Thank you. I will do both at my earliest opportunity. And now please excuse me while I avoid looking at your face for the rest of the month.

201011011118.jpg Getting Ready to Run

To the right, you will see my current Mo status.

I confess that I started my Mo last Thursday — October 28 — which is a couple of days early. I did this for two very good reasons:

  1. I really want my Mo to be in full bloom when I — along with the rest of Team Fatty NYC — run the NYC marathon this weekend.
  2. Since I had been in an actual office with actual co-workers most of the week, and had therefore been shaving every day that week, I was sick of shaving and so by today had a pretty good scruff going on and it seemed like such a waste to not get my Tallahassee (yes, I’m doing the Tallahassee again this year) started.

I fully expect my Mo to give me that extra little something — the thing that helps me keep running when all I want to do is walk. I mean, think about it. With a moustache like this, I kinda need to keep moving, wouldn’t you think?

By the way, I am happy to announce that I have been working on my drawl, and it is coming along nicely. By this Saturday, it should sound every bit as authentically western as my Tallahassee-inspired Mo looks.

Team Fatty Will Look Very Very in NYC

In the coming days, I will detail my plans — and my fears — for the NYC Marathon, but for right now, I’d just like to point out that Team Fatty NYC has been incredibly well taken-care-of by our friends at Pearl Izumi.

For one thing, we’ve been given custom running shirts (front design on the left; back design on the right):

My Photo_49.jpg

Men’s colors are black and orange, Women’s colors are black and pink.

Here’s a closeup of the front:

My Photo_48.jpg

But Pearl Izumi didn’t just set us up with great running shirts. No indeed. We each — all 16 of us — also got two pair of Pearl Izumi running shorts, two pair of high-end Pearl Izumi running socks (I love the way the socks are left/right specific — never have socks been so comfortable), short- and long-sleeved tech running shirts, and Pearl Izumi running shoes.

My Photo_46.jpg

Swagtastic. Thanks tons, PI. You guys rock.

And — if I may — I’d like to say that I love these shoes. I have not been training the way I should (I’ll explain soon), but the right knee pain and left hip pain I’ve been suffering with have gone way down since I’ve switched to these shoes. I’m sticking with them from now on.

So. Everyone’s coming to cheer us on, right?

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