This Blog Ain’t Going to Write Itself

03.11.2011 | 1:56 pm

A Mysteriously Exciting Note from Fatty: I very nearly have something very exciting to announce. I cannot (or at least am unwilling) to tell you what it is quite yet because I have not nailed down the exact date and time, but here are some hints:

  • It has to do with this blog.
  • It will happen soon.
  • You will be able to participate, and it won’t cost you anything.
  • Johan Bruyneel will also be participating.

More details soon. As in, early next week.

This Blog Ain’t Going to Write Itself

As you probably know, writing this blog has made me fantastically wealthy. So wealthy, indeed, that I really have no need to have a day job. Like most extremely wealthy (and handsome) people, I continue to work a 9 – 5 job strictly because I find it fulfilling at a personal level.

As part of my day job (the one I do even though I have no need whatsoever of money), I have weeklong meetings, twice per quarter. During these very intense weeks, I have pretty much no mental energy or creativity for anything but my job itself.

For the past year or so, I’ve mostly just not posted during these very intense weeks, or have posted very short things. Or have dipped into my (small) reserve of things I’ve written but have not yet posted. Or have re-posted stuff from long ago.

But here’s the thing: these twice-per-quarter weeklong meetings aren’t going away anytime soon. And I don’t like to just let my blog sit here, languishing, during those weeks.

And last night, a solution came to me: ask you to write guest posts about a certain theme while I’m doing these weeklong meetings. I mean, you’ve got stories to tell, and I’ve got a place to tell them. We should work together.

So, if you’d like to write a post for my blog, here’s what you’ve got to do:

  • Keep your story to under 1000 words. And don’t write a 2000-word story with a suggestion that I use it as a two-parter. Because I won’t. On the other hand, if your post is way under 1000 words, that won’t count against you. Like, if you have an awesome photograph and a one-paragraph story, that may just work. As long as it sticks to the theme.
  • Stick to the theme. If your story isn’t about the theme for this week of guest posts, or if it’s only tangentially related and I have to squint real hard to see how it fits in the theme, I won’t use it. The theme for this week is, “My proudest moment on my bike.
  • I want original content. Don’t send me a link to something you’ve written for your blog a couple years ago. Write something new.
  • Send it in on time. I need your posts by Monday, March 14. Send it to with the subject line “Guest Post.” I know I haven’t given you a lot of time to write your story, but bear in mind that I never give myself a lot of time to write anything, either.
  • Send the story as an email message. You can write your story in whatever you want, but copy and paste it directly into the email message, so I don’t have to open up whatever program you use to write in order to read your story.
  • Send images as JPG or PNG attachments, 495 pixels (or more) wide. If you send any images in a format that requires me to do as much work as if I would have just written the story myself, I’m not going to use your story.
  • Make sure you give me a bio you want me to use. I’ll be happy to link back to your blog or website in your bio, and I’ll use either the name or the handle you include in your bio. Your choice.
  • Watch my site next week. That’s how you’ll know whether I decided to use your story. If I use your story, it’d be cool if you monitor the site a lot during the day to respond to comments readers have.
  • If I don’t use your story, don’t be mad. I doubt I’ll be able to use all the stories that come in, and just because I don’t use yours doesn’t mean it was no good. It just means that I got had already picked the stories I wanted to use before I read yours.

Finally, please be patient. This is kinda new, so I don’t know how well it’s going to work out. But I’m excited to read — and post — your stories.


  1. Comment by Erik | 03.11.2011 | 2:11 pm

    Does this mean you are REALLY REALLY and TRULY finally going to start reading your email?

  2. Comment by zach in a cubicle | 03.11.2011 | 2:44 pm

    What if it was next to my bike in a field with flowers and I was proud afterwards? Cause picnics are my kinda thing.

  3. Comment by stuckinmypedals | 03.11.2011 | 6:17 pm

    Very cool, Fatty. Can’t wait to read the guest posts!

  4. Comment by Miles Archer | 03.11.2011 | 7:28 pm

    You could always ask Dug to write up some more bathroom stories.

  5. Comment by bikemike | 03.12.2011 | 3:07 am

    it was a dark and stormy night for the dancing queen…yeah, i could do this blog thing.

  6. Comment by Merry | 03.12.2011 | 11:49 pm

    This might be a good time to announce that I have now created a self-writing blog application that will not only effortlessly deduce what you want to write but will actually write the whole blog for you while you lounge back in your hammock being hand-fed specially imported grapes that are personally hand-peeled by special minions who also ensure that you are gently fanned by exclusively imported palm fans… all while your blog post is being sweated over, posted, and monitored by ignominiously nameless minions.
    And yes, this app can now be yours for a mere $35.99… plus $2,415,000 for shipping/handling/exclusive sneering.

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  8. Comment by awpolscemamymocneseo | 03.16.2011 | 6:13 am

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