Not All Blog Posts Are Epic

05.18.2011 | 11:03 am

Yesterday, I posted a very long blog post. It was so long, in fact, that it was very nearly 60% as long as a blog post Bike Snob NYC might post five times per week.

I confess to being quite proud of that post, and the fact that I was able to go on for seemingly ever about a mundane topic, without including a single legitimate fact.

That post, I am sad to say, garnered a whopping 26 comments. And since I regard my comments as a sort of metaphorical tip jar, I couldn’t help but wonder what the problem is.

These are my theories:

  • It was so long that by the time people finished reading it, they did not have time to comment
  • It was so long that people didn’t have time to finish reading it
  • It was so weird that people didn’t have any idea of what to say after reading it
  • It was so weird that people didn’t finish reading it
  • It just wasn’t that funny to a lot of people

Seriously, I want to know: what did you think of yesterday’s post? Good? Bad? Stupid? The fact is, I write this blog because I want it to be read (I’m not one of those writers who is compelled to write and doesn’t care whether he ever finds an audience). If you didn’t like something, I want to know why.

Six years into this blog and I’m still learning. So that’s good.

Weighty Matters

Today, I weigh 163 pounds (that’s rounding up, not down, by the way). Which means I’m five pounds away from the 158 pounds I need to be at by June 3 in order to keep my Superfly 100. At this point, I have confidence I can do it.

How am I doing it? Well, in two words: egg whites.

In slightly more than two words: around 20 egg whites per day. That’s a lot of protein.

And I’m basically off carbs except for right before and during long rides.

Weird, but it’s working. Good thing I like egg whites.

LiveStrong Davis

I haven’t talked much about Team Fatty and our plans for this year’s inaugural Davis LiveStrong Challenge.

That’s about to change.

If I were you, I’d join Team Fatty and make plans to be in Davis, if possible. And if not possible, you’ll still be glad you joined, because you will have been a part of the team that is going to raise a ton of money in the fight against cancer, not to mention kick every other team’s butt (sorry, other teams!).

More on this soon.


  1. Comment by yannb | 05.18.2011 | 11:12 am

    Fatty, did read your post yesterday. I thought it was pretty funny. Looking forward to hearing more about Davis Livestrong challenge. Raised $1200 so far. About to step up fundraising efforts.

  2. Comment by Charlie | 05.18.2011 | 11:14 am

    It was a long post. I had to break it up into 3 readable chunks to finish it.

  3. Comment by Eric T. | 05.18.2011 | 11:26 am

    For me who reads your posts while I am at the office, yesterday was too long for me to finish without being indiscrete. So my guess is that what lead to the lack of comments – a little to long for internet folks who have the attention span of a … what was I saying? hat I did read made me chuckle though.

  4. Comment by Kirby | 05.18.2011 | 11:28 am

    I read it via RSS at the office and just couldn’t get to the end.

    that said, regarding the new eating method – I tried drastically reducing my carb intake earlier this season and had pretty awful results – I struggled to complete 30 mile road rides, DNF’d one race, and declined to compete in 2 more. After I started back up with Carbs, though still monitoring their levels, I lost a few pounds in short order and am back to my old self.

  5. Comment by Jason | 05.18.2011 | 11:30 am

    I didn’t actually read it.

    However I want more info on your egg white eating.. Now that is a post I’ll read. How Fatty keeps the egg industry in business all by himself.

    Please post

  6. Comment by Dan | 05.18.2011 | 11:32 am

    I did read yesterday’s post and was worn out by the time I finished! It was funny and enjoyable to read, but wore me out. I am really looking forward to more how to and why posts. Keep up the good work and congrats on the weigh lose.

  7. Comment by Mike P CT | 05.18.2011 | 11:32 am

    Funny enough conceit but each section was probably twice as long as it needed to be. Bit like the Lord of the Rings movies – good idea and execution but you end up wishing it would just get on with it and finish already.

  8. Comment by CLB | 05.18.2011 | 11:33 am

    I didn’t read it because it was long and I didn’t get really hooked after the first few paragraphs.

  9. Comment by Jenni | 05.18.2011 | 11:35 am

    I love the long posts, they just change when I read them. Long posts are more for a nice cup of coffee. Short ones are for reading on the fly.

    I didn’t comment because I haven’t fully finished savoring it yet. Content notwithstanding, it’s the same for me with BikeSnob, but I never comment there. Ever.

    Write write write.

  10. Comment by Angie | 05.18.2011 | 11:41 am

    I read the parts that had your language. Like where you discuss how amazing it is that so many different types of bottles work with different types of cages. I started skimming when I got to the historical sounding stuff. It reminded me of being back in school…

    Congrats on your progress toward your goal! Hint: Add some spinach and a little bit of garlic to your egg whites. Make it into an ommlette!

  11. Comment by Kevin | 05.18.2011 | 11:42 am

    Read it yesterday @ work on my phone’s RSS reader. Actually enjoyed it & laughed, even thought about showing it to others but none of my co-workers are cyclists so I’d probably just look weird(er).

  12. Comment by Jacob | 05.18.2011 | 11:46 am

    I read it. It actually was pretty funny, and it wasn’t until just after the puffing out their cheeks to hold water that I realized you were b-sing your way through. Ever read John Hodgman or watched his segments on The Daily Show? Very much in the lines of his entirely fake almanac style books.

    I didn’t comment because I just didn’t feel like commenting. I almost commented about where I picked up the gag, but then I realized that made me sound stupid.

    Also, on the weight. I hate weighing myself daily. I seriously have gained 6 pounds in two days and then lost that weight in a single day. I’ve even checked different scales. I’m weighing myself every morning before eating or drinking so it’s not the time of day. I have no idea exactly how it works.

  13. Comment by SR | 05.18.2011 | 11:46 am

    Read it, chuckled, and sighed for the nuances and jokes I must have missed out on (bein’ a non-cyclist and all). Your ‘tip jar’ image made me decide to comment and reassure you that I – SR – your non-cycling San Francisco FiDi reader – read your long post yesterday. Carry on.

  14. Comment by Jacob | 05.18.2011 | 11:48 am

    Also, if I were to join Team Fatty, what exactly does that mean? I’ve already donated through your Livestrong challenge, but the waiver sounds like it’s signing up to compete in some event, which I’m unlikely to be able to do.

  15. Comment by briebecca | 05.18.2011 | 11:48 am

    I’m with Eric T. Once I saw the subject matter and how long it was I just skimmed it. Too long for me to read and be indiscreet at work. Breaking it up might work.

    Good job on the weight loss. I just started my own twisted diet (low carb as well) and am only on the 2nd day. Am doing this for 30 days. The pounds have crept up and I’ve been having way too much fun eating and drinking. But clothes are getting tight and I’m too vain to buy bigger clothes. :D

  16. Comment by Arizona Guy | 05.18.2011 | 11:48 am

    Evolution of the bottle – not a bad idea but too long.

    You remain in my good graces, most recently because of the ‘grilled oatmeal’ comment on your Ride around White rim.

  17. Comment by Roses | 05.18.2011 | 11:50 am

    It was like something Douglas Adams or Tom Holt would write. I love the twists and the irony. But, it was long for a blog post and I had to skim a bit. Still, you shouldn’t let the lack of comments keep you from writing more stuff. I’m actually not a cyclist, I’m a runner, so I’m just here because you consistently deliver good stuff to read.
    Now that I’m done inflating your ego, I’ll go kiss up to Dug.

  18. Comment by Jim Tolar | 05.18.2011 | 11:51 am

    I read yesterday’s post. I read all your posts. Truthfully I think it went about 30% too long. The premise and execution were good, but could have been improved by editing down. I also read every BSNYC post, which means I wasn’t all that productive at work yesterday.
    Keep up the good work, and good posting.


  19. Comment by kate C. | 05.18.2011 | 11:52 am

    I read all of it, but don’t usually comment anyway. I thought it was funny, but it did seem to go on just a little too long. Like when someone keeps expounding on something funny so much that it becomes not really as funny anymore… Something like that.

  20. Comment by Brooke | 05.18.2011 | 11:52 am

    I read the set up, but once I got to the historical fiction, I lost interest. A funny concept if it’s short, but I didn’t want to use my limited brainpower to process fiction dressed up as fact. What can I say, I’m simpleminded!

  21. Comment by JAT in Seattle | 05.18.2011 | 11:54 am

    Argh, my outdated browser ate my post.

    (or – I apologize for the double posting)
    First of all “metaphorical tip jar’ is really funny – particularly since this blog engages in so many literal fundraising activities.

    For me the bottle/cage post pushed the absurdity factor a bit too far. We’ve all seen the recently in vogue retro posters of Td’F riders from between the wars with their cork-topped metal bidons. To spin a tale of post-war open topped tin cups required too much suspension of disbelief. I’ll totally buy the tin cup or the turning of a bike upside down to get to the contents of a fixed bottle, but (Unduly pedantically, I know) it has to be historically “accurate”

    What cracked my up? The photos of all the different types of bottles and cages in your (purportedly) personal collection. How many pairs of Keens do you have? – a perfectly hilarious number.

  22. Comment by RandoBoy | 05.18.2011 | 11:56 am

    I read it. All of it, too. I thought maybe Tom Clancy had written it for you.

    Key lime pie. It’s short. It’s sweet. I like it.

  23. Comment by rtinsea | 05.18.2011 | 11:58 am

    Like most of your posts, I read yesterday’s in an RSS feed in Outlook at work so I got out of the habit of commenting quite a while ago. Yesterday’s post started out funny but you lost me with all the UBI regulation talk so I gave up. I personally have very little interest in UBI. In comparison to BSNYC, I actually usually only get through half of his posts while I almost always read your entire post. He jumps around subjects a lot and I appreciate most your posts tell a story end to end.

  24. Comment by axel in texas | 05.18.2011 | 12:00 pm

    it was a funny read that captured the essence of the UCI. But there are giro stages to keep up with, the tour of california is happening, not enough time for commenting…

  25. Comment by rtinsea | 05.18.2011 | 12:05 pm

    whoops – I meant “I have very little interest in UCI”

  26. Comment by Dan O | 05.18.2011 | 12:09 pm

    Read it yesterday, I also check it everyday during the week to see what is going on, but don’t comment very often, be it funny or otherwise.

    I won’t make Davis, but am hoping there might be a small Fatty Showing in Austin again this year.
    Let me know.
    Life is good

  27. Comment by RedNBlondies | 05.18.2011 | 12:12 pm

    I thought it was funny. I didn’t comment because I hardly ever do. Besides, I’m traveling half way around the world right now, and have an iffy internet connection at best.

    The part about the little brown jug section made me laugh out loud. I got a lot of strange looks from my co-workers but I didn’t bother to explain. Cycling to them involves a Harley.

  28. Comment by Jesse | 05.18.2011 | 12:14 pm

    Started reading it at work but didn’t have time…I came back now to finish it!

    Oh, and I can’t even think about eating 20 egg whites a day. I enjoy eggs in limited quantities, but if someone repeats the word “eggs” while I’m nauseous it is a sure-fire way to make me lose my lunch. Picturing 20 egg whites might have a similar affect.

  29. Comment by KK | 05.18.2011 | 12:16 pm

    BSNYC’s posts are typically composed of several shorter items related to recent events, with a liberal sprinkling of references to prior posts and memes and themes he repeats for a few weeks. They may have a relatively high word count, but they’re punchy, like the style section of the newspaper, and reward daily reading so the reader keeps up with the references.

    Your post yesterday was more like a stand-alone magazine article, and outside the realm of personal news, ride reports, fundraising, etc. that you typically cover with shorter posts (which are punchy, too, and have elements of continuity from day to day.) It was about water bottles, not Fatty, and it was longer than your usual post. It was just different enough, maybe, that it didn’t inspire the same level of feedback that you usually get.

  30. Comment by Brady Price | 05.18.2011 | 12:23 pm

    I rarely ever comment, but I am a follower and since you are requesting feedback I will oblige. I do typically read start to finish on each of your post, but I honestly couldn’t spend that much time reading a post about bottle cages. Like you, we have jobs and other obligations.

    I have bottles, I have cages, they work together, so I thought “what myth could you possibly bust here?”

  31. Comment by Class Cycling/Clydesdale on a Road Bike | 05.18.2011 | 12:24 pm

    yeah, it was a long post. But for those of us who can “spin a yarn,” especially one as a creative and fact-less as the yarn you just spun – I was impressed. I don’t normally comment, because well, while it is an ego boost for you…I never know if you actually read what us newbie peons actually say…oh yeah – perhaps you could share some of those ‘egg white recipes’ that you are eating. I know a Clydesdale cyclist (such as myself) would appreciate some help with nutrion too…

  32. Comment by Hautacam | 05.18.2011 | 12:25 pm

    20 egg whites a day?! Egads. The mere thought is definitely an appetite-killer for me. I really hope you make the magic 158-pound number. You will certainly have earned it.

    Just be sure to say thanks to your chickens, and give them a few days off when it’s over.

    PS What do you do with all those yolks?

    PPS Yesterday’s post was amusing but the funny/length ratio was a little off. Maybe edit the middle part and go more directly from the historical development to the UBI diktat. Just my $0.02 and worth about as much.

  33. Comment by blinddrew | 05.18.2011 | 12:26 pm

    I liked it. Not quite as good as one of your open letters but I still enjoy the Fatty Explains series

  34. Comment by bikemike | 05.18.2011 | 12:27 pm

    i tend to lean more towards your elmore leonard style postings and not so much with the tolstoy epics.

    while i’m on elmore leonard, please make sure you’re aware of the FX show “Justified” with timothy olyphant for your roller/trainer entertainment. it’s a mix of deadwood and the shield.

  35. Comment by Jenn | 05.18.2011 | 12:27 pm

    Fatty, it sucked. I thought to myself, as scrolling through on Google Reader, “If I wasn’t a loyal Fatty reader, I’d probably never read his blog again.” Harsh, I know, but it stunk. AND IT WAS TOO LONG. Sorry, but true.

    And 20 egg whites a day is just gross.

  36. Comment by chad | 05.18.2011 | 12:28 pm

    I loved yesterdays post. I especially liked the crack about the 29er bottle and the jab at UCI. Love me some satire. I usually just don’t comment. I am glad to know that I have some level of control over your ego. I promise to use my new found power for (mostly) good.

  37. Comment by Rick | 05.18.2011 | 12:31 pm

    I read it. All the way. I thought it was VERY funny, but a little too long. I’m pretty clued in to the news about the annoying UCI, which helped with a lot of the jokes. I read velonews and watch the tours, so I think I was the right target for this.

    I just don’t comment often on anyone’s blog.

  38. Comment by Andy | 05.18.2011 | 12:32 pm

    Re yesterdays post:
    I usually love your stuff, but yesterdays post missed for some reason. The length probably didn’t help matters much either…
    Maybe if you had boiled it down a bit more, less “history”? Not sure…
    I’m sure your next post will get a ton of comments*… :-)

    *If only because you asked for them… ;-)

  39. Comment by centurion | 05.18.2011 | 12:39 pm

    Sometimes it’s refreshing to read an airy, fun blog post. Yep it was long. Nope, it didn’t have much substance, but it was a fun read anyway. I really liked the slightly veiled jab at the UCI(although you really shouldn’t give them any ideas).
    20 eggs whites a day? That’s a lot of crunching.

  40. Comment by Tom | 05.18.2011 | 12:42 pm

    Great post yesterday. Those who thought it was too long should stay on Twitter. I didn’t comment because I think comments on blog posts are only one step above comments on online news articles, but rest assured I thought it was funny, clever, and effective in making your point about the U(B/C)I.

    I wouldn’t judge the success of a blog post (or your abilities as a writer) by the number of comments. For example, I thought today’s post was lame – but it has more comments (including my own) than yesterday’s which was awesome.

  41. Comment by bilhelm | 05.18.2011 | 12:44 pm

    I skimmed it at work, but had missed your other posts along the same line. While this one dragged a bit I THOROUGHLY enjoyed your take on carbon fiber. I had always wondered about that ;)

    Thanks for sharing the journey with us, and keep up the good work.

  42. Comment by Jeffy | 05.18.2011 | 12:45 pm

    Since you deserve 30% tips, here’s my take, although I liked the UBI concept, the post spun a good and funny idea too long and too much exposition of bottle/cage history. Keep entertaining/educating/ enlightening us and chapeau for the cancer-fighting! Jeffy

  43. Comment by Jeff | 05.18.2011 | 12:47 pm

    Yesterday’s post was too long. I like short posts. Save the long ones for Fridays when people really want to be distracted from work.

  44. Comment by Ben | 05.18.2011 | 12:49 pm

    I thought that yesterday’s post was one of your funniest in a long time. I almost died when I read the part about the glass orbs.

  45. Comment by Pat in Littleton | 05.18.2011 | 12:52 pm

    As I said on the last post. You have unresolved issues with UCI and you had to use UBI as a metaphor. I would keep a look out for a certain McQuaid to lambast you in the frog press.

  46. Comment by Sara | 05.18.2011 | 12:53 pm

    I read your whole post from yesterday and loved it. I was ready to comment, but then got intimidated. I feel like I’m not witty enough to comment.

    I was hoping to come up with something about how glad I was that you had the balls to write about the UBI’s balls, but then thought that might be too crude…

  47. Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 05.18.2011 | 12:53 pm

    I read the first third to half of yesterday’s post and then started skimming the rest. I liked the setup of Duane (you) writing the letter and the “Little Brown Jug Cage” paragraph.

    I also thought about how you were weaving together multiple topics from previous posts (logo program, UCI in general, Gary Fisher, race radios, etc.) and I thought that was very creative and impressive.

    I think it did go on too long and by the end I just didn’t know what to write for a comment.

  48. Comment by Elizabeth | 05.18.2011 | 12:55 pm

    Ask for comments, and everyone becomes an editor, lol. Your blog is 1 of 2 that I read religously at work because I can’t wait until I get home; I almost never comment. Usually, I don’t want your posts to end, but yesterday I checked to see how much more was left. You’ll always be on my must-read list, though!

  49. Comment by Jon B | 05.18.2011 | 1:10 pm

    I looked at its extremely long length with few interesting pictures and didn’t read it. BikeSnobNYC has lots of pictures so his very long posts go by quick.

  50. Comment by 3d brian | 05.18.2011 | 1:11 pm

    For me, this one: It was so weird that people didn’t have any idea of what to say after reading it

    I enjoyed reading it and found it amusing.

    At least for me it was so much about slamming UCI that I didn’t have anything to say – the metaphor was good, but there was nothing to add.

    I bet you could loose weight even faster if all you ate was eggshells.

  51. Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 05.18.2011 | 1:14 pm

    Speaking of Davis LiveStrong, will there be a Team Fatty for Philly LiveStrong?

  52. Comment by Jim B | 05.18.2011 | 1:17 pm

    I like the fatty explains series but you lost me with Thomas Edison….Everybody knows he died in 1931. OK, I had to look that up….

    Keep us laughing Fatty!!

  53. Comment by mateo | 05.18.2011 | 1:26 pm

    Someone important said something once long ago about not being able to please all the people all the time…I enjoy your site, your wit, your serious side. Thanks for making the time to share, its appreciated out here.

  54. Comment by It's Not what your Body Wants | 05.18.2011 | 1:26 pm

    How on earth do you eat 20 egg whites a day?

  55. Comment by ABQ Steve | 05.18.2011 | 1:29 pm

    I loved yesterday’s post!!! I read all of your posts. I just figured you’d get a big(ger?) head if I told you how much I enjoyed them all the time. :) Keep it up please!!!

  56. Comment by anna | 05.18.2011 | 1:33 pm

    I really enjoyed yesterday’s post, thought it was very funny. I was intimidated a bit by the length at first, but reading through it was definitely worth the effort!

  57. Comment by Kate | 05.18.2011 | 1:37 pm

    Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too long. Besides, much as I like cycling and like your humour even more, I just couldn’t get hooked on the topic of waterbottles.

  58. Comment by Dan in Sac | 05.18.2011 | 1:40 pm

    Here are my two cents (confession: I only read 1/2):

    1. Too long for office reading
    2. What I read was funny but could have been said more succintly. I used to read BSNYC and he is a good writer but I think does his best work with an editor. He can really drag out a topic.

    That said, I enjoy your posts and check in daily. Even FRIDAY!

  59. Comment by skippy | 05.18.2011 | 1:41 pm

    Funny , clever , inventive & interesting ! As i waded through i was thinking about the comment only to find that i came to the item i was going to raise .
    Luckily i don’t have to worry about someone wondering why i am collapsing in hysterics .
    Try reading my post on SIDI shoes i have just taken delivery of and you will see that your efforts are far funnier .
    Keep up the good work even one comment shows you deserve praise !

  60. Comment by Obstinate Roadie | 05.18.2011 | 1:47 pm

    Yesterday’s post was way too long for a silly diversion. There’s nothing wrong with silly diversions as long as they’re kept reasonably short. I’m disappointed that you’re losing weight. Oh well.

  61. Comment by Ferde | 05.18.2011 | 1:49 pm

    Started off like a history of the water bottle, probably was funny but the beginning wasn’t so I just didn’t feel like reading that much info.

  62. Comment by Grizzly Adam | 05.18.2011 | 1:52 pm


    26 comments is a really great day for 99.99% of the blogs on the internet.

  63. Comment by mtb w | 05.18.2011 | 1:57 pm

    Let me ’splain. No, there is too much. Let me summup. I thought it was frickin’ hilarious and witty. But I am too lazy to post.

  64. Comment by Superstantial | 05.18.2011 | 1:57 pm

    That was long? It makes me sad that people thought that was long.

    I thought it was really funny, but one of the early comments turned me off (I read all the comments before I post), so I just decided not to be part of the conversation.

  65. Comment by George | 05.18.2011 | 2:02 pm

    I did read you blog yesterday and I did comment as well. That was by far one of your wittiest blogs yet. I really appreciate your inventive use of words like “badassery” and “explainifacation.” Somehow I believe these are just some of your thought while alone on the bike or trainer. What did I think-Good?, Bad?, Stupid? I put that in the better than good category.

  66. Comment by David | 05.18.2011 | 2:11 pm

    I found your site from YesIamprecious cause she was a TeamFatty member. I read you, but have never commented. But since you asked. Post was funny, a bit long. Liked “Each canvas bag shall contain two orbs.
    The bags are to be affixed beneath the seat using a system of wire and straps” the best.

  67. Comment by old guy | 05.18.2011 | 2:19 pm

    I used my “Fatty-time” yesterday to go watch TOC riders tiptoe around cold, windy, wet, slippery corners after Folsom on stage 3. Fun, but not as impressive as a finish. See you in Davis.

  68. Comment by mark | 05.18.2011 | 2:19 pm

    You went from three pounds heavier than me to three pounds lighter than me in a frightening amount of time. I think I’m going to go buy some eggs.

    Oh, and I sort of skimmed but didn’t entirely read yesterday’s post. It was too long. Sorry. FWIW, I don’t read BSNYC anymore because it is also too long. Sunderlage has the brevity thing dialed–I never skip his.

  69. Comment by Clydesteve | 05.18.2011 | 2:24 pm

    Really? It was long? I figured not many posted because they didn’t want to yesterday.

  70. Comment by Clydesteve | 05.18.2011 | 2:28 pm

    It did not seem as long as today’s comment section, and was way more interesting. But, then, again, although you generally get some percentage of comments that seriously tell you how to fix a tongue-in-cheek problem (which is kind of funny in and of itself), today you asked for it.

    Please don’t ask us for serious comments (except for serious subjects) Fatty. We are apparently way to boring to comment in a serious AND entertaining manner!

  71. Comment by Kel | 05.18.2011 | 2:28 pm

    It was good. But more importantly – why do you hate chickens? Seriously…20 egg whites?

  72. Comment by Bill | 05.18.2011 | 2:41 pm

    I did read it. However, seeing as how it’s not a UCI approved article, I’m going to have to report you. You can expect an outcome sometime by 2507…shortly after they make a decision about Alberto Contador.

  73. Comment by Guyot | 05.18.2011 | 2:48 pm

    I was going to comment but then I saw there were already 71 comments, so I decided not to comment.

  74. Comment by chtrich | 05.18.2011 | 2:51 pm

    started it….got to the pictures, scrolled down to check your weight, noticied how long the post was and didn’t even bother finishing it. I figured if it was that long it probably wasn’t going to be very funny.

  75. Comment by Tim Joe Comstock | 05.18.2011 | 3:01 pm

    I don’t know about your tip jar Fatty, but at least you can mention Yourself and the Snob in the same sentence without seeming presumptuous. That’s doing pretty good in the ol’ Bicycle Blogular World. I saw yesterday’s post and took it as a stand-alone piece you might send over to Bicycling once the season is over. Now is that a compliment or a jab?

    As for myself, after reading your water bottle post yesterday I spent the next thirty minutes trying to figure out how to post a link to a picture. I gave up. Here it is in long-hand:

    If you want some gratuitous gratuities for that jar of yours, run a piece about helmets, then stand back.

    Tim Joe

  76. Comment by Nogocyclist | 05.18.2011 | 3:09 pm

    Fatty, I read your post yesterday and (since you asked) did not find it up to your usual high quality. When you normally write this kind of post your humor is great because it is so close to the actual truth of the matter. You deviated from the truth just too far this time. I really expected you to state at the end of the post that you let one of your kids make this post. It would have been a great parody if a 15 year older wrote it. Sorry, but there were just too many “Roll Your Eyes” statements in that one post.

    Now, I am very concerned about the basically no carbs statement today. I realize you have an above average knowledge of health issues so I hope you are exaggerating by saying this. When you severely limit carbs, you burn fats for energy. This can lead to ketoacidosis, which can be very dangerous. Limiting carbs is necessary for weight loss, but be careful, don’t overdo it. You may want to go buy a can of ketone strips (normally used by Type I diabetics) just to be safe.

  77. Comment by Laura Jane | 05.18.2011 | 3:20 pm

    Yeeeeow Fatty that’s a lot of egg whites!! Any recipes you’d care to share? Nom nom nom.

    First time reading your blog c/- @CycleBlogs twitter, “Not All Blog Posts Are Epic” drew me in. Will be an avid follower from now on.


  78. Comment by KT | 05.18.2011 | 3:21 pm

    20 egg whites? Wow, I like them, but even for me that would be a stretch. Btw, I’m already doing the Davis Livestrong event and I don’t think there is a way to join an existing stand alone entry to a team. Dang … missing out again ;)

  79. Comment by Heather S | 05.18.2011 | 3:22 pm

    Another lurker here… I enjoyed the bottle cage post very much; not something that had ever occurred to me, and I was glad you explained it. Fascinating. Thanks for entertaining me several times a week!

  80. Comment by Coyno | 05.18.2011 | 3:47 pm


    Yesterday’s post was the funniest since ” an open letter to assos” and the responses to Dr Michael Lemmler. Can’t give it any more praise than that!!!


  81. Comment by Joe | 05.18.2011 | 3:59 pm


    It was pretty funny, but with no real factual information to be garnered from it the post was a bit too long for me to read all of it. I did read the first and last couple paragraphs as well as skim the middle.

    I didn’t read your Dante’s Inferno story for similar reasons, though I’ve read all of your longer race reports and similar stories word for word.

  82. Comment by Zeeeter | 05.18.2011 | 4:11 pm

    Dang. I thought it was the yolks that were good for you – been eating 20 yolks a day. Wondered why my resting pulse is down in the low teens suddenly . . . . that would do it!

    Not really.

  83. Comment by MikeL | 05.18.2011 | 4:24 pm

    I read the post and liked it. I thought the development was a little Monty Pythonesqe. Long development to get you to a place and go “What the…”
    I have no doubt that you will reach your weight on the egg white diet. What would be interesting is if you would continue posting your weight for a couple of weeks so that we, your loyal readers, can see if you maintain it.

  84. Comment by Jane | 05.18.2011 | 4:28 pm

    I was wondering if you had any info about how much money Twin Six will be donating to after Monday’s special event? What a great thing for a company to do! Thanks for telling us about it Fatty.

  85. Comment by Non bicyclist lurker | 05.18.2011 | 4:35 pm

    Your secret name is Duane?

    The post was quite long and full of inside jokes. It had good flow, though. If you had been talking I don’t see any place you would have stopped to catch your breath.

  86. Comment by JodieA | 05.18.2011 | 4:43 pm

    I read the article at work, and by the time I was done I decided to wait to reply and you know how that goes. Out of sight out of mind. Although the truck nutz reference was stuck in my head the rest of the day. Thankfully I didn’t actually go to the website and get a black mark next to my name for looking at that at work! Always taking a chance reading your blog as well as Dug’s and KanyonKris’ blogs at work. Often I have had to explain myself when caught laughing and/or crying in my office after reading your articles. This one was a classic. Monty Python came to my mind, also. It wasn’t laugh out loud, but more a ridiculous visual of the guy inverting the bike to get a drink among others. Keep up the funny stuff!

  87. Comment by Preben Kohler | 05.18.2011 | 5:01 pm

    All the way from Australia, it was a very funny post i must say. I did read this and found the humor in it. i also like the dig to UCI, similar to your old post where you put up the UCI approved banner on your wall. Keep up the great blogs. Keeps me entertained and gets me through the day at work. Always read it before i start.

  88. Comment by oheckler | 05.18.2011 | 5:09 pm

    I love your blog. I read it every day, in fact I get a little iritated when you don’t post anything. Most of the time I even totally get your humor (60% of the time, you’re funny every time). That being said; I just couldn’t power through yesterdays post. Can’t really say why, I guess I just didn’t find it interesting enough.
    Hopefully feedback like this will make you a better man… or at least a better Fatty.

  89. Comment by Jim B | 05.18.2011 | 5:30 pm

    Why didn’t I comment on yesterdays post?

    I started reading it, got the joke quickly, kept reading hoping that there would be some unexpected development, and then skipped to the end hoping there was some interesting twist that made the slog worth it.

    Sorry, Fatty, but even Tiger Woods has problems with his golf once in a while … not that I’m implying your future as a blogger is over, that you will be reviled world over, and that all your deep-pocketed sponsors will leave for greener pastures.

  90. Comment by Limey | 05.18.2011 | 5:34 pm

    It was the Dogs Bollox mate, read it, loved it, but is was 11.55pm sorry i will post next time, and every time, just to feed the need..

  91. Comment by LIz | 05.18.2011 | 7:07 pm

    Yes, I read it, loved it and sorry I didn’t post. I usually don’t post if I can’t think of anything witty or informative to say, which means I hardly ever post. Having said that, I will always comment now when you are under a couple of dozen just so you know I haven’t fallen asleep.

    Don’t be fooled, BSNYC’s column just seems long because of all the photos and embedded videos.

    By the way, I got my 100 MON swag kit in the mail today. Squeee! I love it all. Thanks so much, Elden, for being so good at getting people to give stuff away, and thanks for your great blog which I look forward to reading every day.

  92. Comment by ecco | 05.18.2011 | 7:32 pm

    I just hardly ever comment, Fatty. But since you consider this your tip jar, I will start leaving more comments/tips. Bacon goes well with egg whites, for example. Seriously, though, I read it and enjoyed it. Thanks for all you write & do!

  93. Comment by Meredith | 05.18.2011 | 7:38 pm

    First, I have been a follower since Lance twittered a few months before Susan passed away and I am consistently touched, humored, and inspired by your blog. I wore my Fat Cyclist jersey in Moab all last weekend secretly hoping you would show up there a second weekend in a row… Now, about the post yesterday, while it had some comedic gems the bottom line is it was too long and hard to read. Long posts work well for trip reports or human interest stories, but I think you have to be careful to not pontificate on a humorous “niche” article. I think your “An Open Letter to Pro Bar” post is a perfect example of a humor done very well. I just appreciate having something to save me from mundane cube-land a few days a week, though, so thank you for providing that escape for me!

  94. Comment by Southern Fried Chicken | 05.18.2011 | 7:50 pm

    TL;DNR. and as others have said, the first few paras/topic wasn’t interesting enough for me.

  95. Comment by MattC | 05.18.2011 | 9:43 pm

    Hrmmmph….I checked in ALL DAY (at work) and it kept showing the bottle post as your last (and now at home I see this one has been up for TEN HOURS!) Stupid browser….big brother must be meddling. Either that, or my browser totally froze up while I was reading the long bottle-post (GRIN!) Just kidding Fatty…I read ALL your posts…and they are what they are. There are days when I don’t have time to read a long one, and days when I do. Actually I’m probably one of the sick few who go thru ALL the comments too (cuz you have some amazing commenters). When I have time I mean…so the length of your posts don’t matter to me. In fact, I’m always a bit sad when it’s a short one. But that’s just me…and as you (and everybody else can see) I seem to be long-winded too.

    I say the heck w/ the naysayers, HAVE A COOKIE my virtual friend! Or TWO! MMMM..cookies!

  96. Comment by Rick | 05.18.2011 | 9:48 pm

    Fatty, I enjoyed yesterdays post and thought it was pretty funny. I did have a little bit of a hard time keeping focused on it but that may have been due to the fact that I was reading it at work. I do like your posts like this and hope you do more in the future.

  97. Comment by Erin | 05.18.2011 | 9:57 pm

    I started reading it…the first couple paragraphs were interesting, but I stopped reading it when it got more obscure…especially when I realized it was really, really long. I would have continued to read it (regardless of how obscure it was) if it would have been shorter. I generally like your posts, but this seemed a bit off the beaten path for you!

  98. Comment by Erik | 05.18.2011 | 10:00 pm

    DT: 18 May 2011
    TO: Elden “Fat Cyclist” Nelson
    FR: Erik
    RE: yesterday’s blog post.

    Dear Fatty,

    I read yesterday’s blog post.

    It sucked.

    Yours most sincerely,


  99. Comment by NYCCarlos | 05.18.2011 | 10:17 pm

    yeah… TLDR.

    Work and ADD got in the way of me finishing it in its entirety. Plus, I could skim it and get all of the funny parts out. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the funny parts, but they could have been said in a shorter way…. or maybe a link to a fictional wikipedia post with all of that info or something.

    keep on keepin on. I don’t read this blog because it’s too long every once in a while… I read it because it’s funny 90% of the time, and the rest of the time, it is serious and completely in alignment with my beliefs and morals.

  100. Comment by Nick | 05.18.2011 | 11:18 pm


    I did finish yesterday’s post, but it was a bit of a chore. While funny and amusing, it gave me a picture of you sitting there typing it, thinking, “dammit I’m clever”. It was a bit long for a clearly BS post and it didn’t tackle a real question. Questions such as this one sometimes just have a boring answer: market forces. Yours was a noble try, but the subject was too mundane for any writer to make awesome.

    That being said, you continue to create a great blog and have done tremendous things for those suffering from cancer, both patients and their loved ones.

    Roll on,


  101. Comment by Dan N. | 05.18.2011 | 11:49 pm

    Your last post was great, but enjoying it entailed literacy. This is America…have you seen our international rankings. Seriously, every person who references length should be taken as a feather in your cap. Unless your principal demographic is the average idiot manning middle American management. Idiots.

  102. Comment by Saso | 05.18.2011 | 11:52 pm

    The post from yesterday was good for a weekend but not for a working day. Not enough time.

  103. Comment by Sally | 05.19.2011 | 12:55 am

    I think you have more time to write your blog now? It was better when you were pressed for time! I used to read every word but lately I haven’t bothered to read them at all because the postings are too long & not as funny.

  104. Comment by Maggie | 05.19.2011 | 1:36 am

    Fatty, hello from sunny Yorkshire. I read it, as I read all you posts (but not daily – usually once or twice a week, when I get a chance to catch up) & enjoyed it, but can see it wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

    I have noticed a few of your posts recently haven’t had many comments, but don’t really understand why. Maybe people are just pressed for time & unless it’s something they really feel an affinity to, they don’t comment? I have only comented a few times, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested.

    Anyway keep up the blog with your ususal varied assortment of posts as I can’t think of one post that I haven’t enjoyed reading.

  105. Comment by Patrick | 05.19.2011 | 2:56 am

    I started but didn’t finish Fatty, as you said on your tweet yesterday, it was rather niche, but at least you can say you’re probably the first person to write a 2500 word comedy piece about drinks bottles and cages. Look at that summary there, it better be really funny otherwise it’s just not worth it…

  106. Comment by Ricardo | 05.19.2011 | 4:16 am


    I read the post and thought it was perfect. Being a bit familiar with the topic helped a bit I think, and as I’m an engineer, fascinated by the development of the open market vs. standards bodies. Favorite posts of mine – your retirement from the peloton and the cycling hell!

    Greetings from Finland!

  107. Comment by ChrisL905 | 05.19.2011 | 5:30 am

    I read a little over half…finished my cup of coffee and started to skip the large paragraphs.

    It was still a good post though….and it prompted me to wonder whats happened to all my bottles.

  108. Comment by @terrysrunning | 05.19.2011 | 6:36 am

    I thought it was funny, I actually laughed out loud at one point. It was a bit niche, but lots(but not all) of your readers are in that niche. Not your funniest ever, but it would be hard to write your funniest ever blog every time! And if everyone had the same sense of humor, you’d have about 2 billion followers, so some people aren’t going to like everything.
    Most of your stories aren’t pure entertainment like that one, though. So, in stories that have personal stories, or cancer-fighting, you get lots of comments of encouragement, or thanking for the inspiration, etc..that wouldn’t have been applicable yesterday.
    I also never comment at BSNY, again, not so much reason to comment when it’s just simple entertainment.

  109. Comment by Weiland | 05.19.2011 | 6:58 am

    You lost me at the tandem, once the lad spilled both cups of water I started to scroll down, and down.

  110. Comment by Fuzz | 05.19.2011 | 7:54 am

    It was funny. I was going to comment, but my eyes were so tired that I decided to take a nap, instead. After a good night’s rest, I was ready to come back and comment on that post, but I think I aggravated the tendons in my scrolling finger (an old football injury) as I was trying to get to the bottom of the post. After a little ice, and some Advil, I might be able to get there.

  111. Comment by Jules | 05.19.2011 | 8:15 am

    When I click on your posts, I usually scroll through first to see how long it is before I begin reading. I don’t like starting an article/blog and not finishing. Yesterday when I clicked on the post, it just kept going on and on and on and on. So I decided it would be better for me to sit this one out. If I were waiting at a Dr’s office, at the DMV or stuck somewhere and needed reading material, then I would read it; but otherwise it will go unread. I do throughly enjoy reading your blog and supporting Fatty’s LiveStrong Challenge, but when it’s too long, I’m just going to pass on that particular post.

  112. Comment by Tambo731 (Mark Tamburello) | 05.19.2011 | 8:23 am

    About yesterday’s post, All I have to say is WOW! Yes, just WOW!.

  113. Comment by Tambo731 (Mark Tamburello) | 05.19.2011 | 8:24 am

    But really, it was very funny and well thought out.

  114. Comment by RL Julia | 05.19.2011 | 8:30 am

    Read your post yesterday but it was a busy day and I had to break it up into about five chunks and since I apparently have no short term memory anymore it didn’t really hang together when being read that way. The other thing about this particular post was that it sort of felt like you were trying too hard – that and that you were trying too hard for a long piece was kind of hard to read. Sort of like when I skit goes on too long.

  115. Comment by John Wright | 05.19.2011 | 8:32 am

    I didn’t find it entertaining enough to read the whole post. I think many people are like me in that they have quite a bit of free time, but it’s only a minute or two at a time spread out through the day. When I see a post this long I skim a bit to see if it’s worth spending ALL of that time slot reading it. If not I move on.

  116. Comment by Fiona | 05.19.2011 | 8:52 am

    I think the problem was that you said it all yesterday!!

    Keeping our fingers crossed here that you lose those elusive 5 pounds – it would be too cruel to wave goodbye to your Superfly 100 – we know this because the same day my significant other collected his new toy from the LBS, it was broken. Had an unhappy trip back to the LBS on Monday and he’s hoping that he’ll be reunited with it tomorrow (preferably with a working shifter …. please). I obviously blame you, Eldon, for his desire to own a Superfly (drat you – do you know how much they cost over here in Europe?)… but I have to blame the bike shop for shoddy assembly work. And it did look kinda cool before it got mud-splattered.

    Serious question here … why don’t mountain bikes just come in mud colour? They’re that way after about 20 seconds anyway. Wouldn’t it save a lot of trouble if they started off mud brown?

  117. Comment by daddystyle | 05.19.2011 | 8:55 am

    I discovered you, long before you were a well known celebrity blogger, writting about Seattle. I read 2 or more times a week always looking forward to my dose of Fat cyclist reality.That said I have only commented 4 or 5 times.

    It has been a great ride, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes serious but always worth the read.

    Your can’t hit it out of the park all the time, I enjoyed the post but it was a little on the long side for a quick pick me up.

    Keep up the great work, Bob in Halfmoon bay BC

  118. Comment by Deke | 05.19.2011 | 8:58 am

    Laptop battery died before I could finish reading it.
    Never saw it do that before…


  119. Comment by The Flyin' Ute | 05.19.2011 | 9:01 am

    I read all your posts.

    I throw away every water bottle that does not have interchangeable tops. I have no tolerance for them.

    Also, I too eat egg whites to drop weight. But I think I stop at 18 and I’m 230 lbs. So, you are really pounding some eggs at 160 lbs. Good work!

    Or, I guess if you stopped at less than 20 you might actually lose weight a bit faster.

  120. Comment by roan | 05.19.2011 | 9:35 am

    I check in everyday, did see the pic of water bottle and of said cages for. OH dear(I didn’t say that) an infomercial (or how ever that’s spelt). So today (at home still, not at work yet) I read the whole blog post. NO mention of the beer helmet, ya know a picture of you riding around White Rim with a beer helmet, outa beer and pushing a rock that looks to weight more than you do (ie a big old rock) towards the void. Then I probably would have read it the day posted.
    See ya in Davis, BTW bring my signed copy of your picture as posted about a year ago, I’ve been waiting. I’ve just about worn out my screen saver lookin at it. GEEZ these things could go for $ (sorry I just couldn’t hit that key several more times, ya know gas prices being…) But will be in Davis July 10th. Maybe even some pocket size too for my wallet. I’ll pay $100, a buck each for wallet size and pass them out to anyone “NOT” wearing a Team Fatty jersey.

  121. Comment by Mary | 05.19.2011 | 9:37 am

    starting reading it, got distracted by kids or laundry or something and never made it back. Sorry, it was a tad long but I did enjoy the beginning–complete with photos.

  122. Comment by Susanne | 05.19.2011 | 9:59 am

    Yesterday’s post was too long and didn’t hold my interest. Sorry, but you asked!
    Now, 20 egg whites a day, that’s interesting. Tell me more! Are you scrambling, hard boiling?? And what are you doing with all those yolks??

  123. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 05.19.2011 | 10:03 am

    What happens to the yolks?

  124. Comment by smrat | 05.19.2011 | 10:08 am

    I’ve been keeping up with your blog for about a year, but I typically read it while I should be working, and I don’t normally have enough time to formulate a comment. I actually thought yesterday’s blog was the funniest one I’ve read so far, and I shared it with my cycling buddies. Keep up the good work!

  125. Comment by smrat | 05.19.2011 | 10:12 am

    Oh, and I’m rooting for you to make your weight goal. I think you’re going to do it!

  126. Comment by The Cheat | 05.19.2011 | 10:21 am

    I really enjoyed the water bottle post. Had nothing to comment. That is all. :)

  127. Comment by The Cheat | 05.19.2011 | 10:25 am

    Oh no, bikesnob is on vacation until next week. May the 23rd, 0000 PR (Post Rapture). Can I have a longer post today?

  128. Comment by lynn e | 05.19.2011 | 10:37 am

    what they said.

  129. Comment by Dave T | 05.19.2011 | 11:22 am

    I loved it! Next topic rise and fall of the frame mounted bike pumb. You do know that a one pint batch of homemade icecream calls for 4 to 6 egg yolks. Something to think about with all those eggs you are going through.

  130. Comment by Barbara | 05.19.2011 | 12:37 pm

    Fatty, count me among those who just didn’t find yesterday’s post all that funny. As several people have said, I started reading it, found it mildly amusing at best, and then when it began to wander, so did my attention. Way too long for a spoof post. But it’s OK, I have full confidence that this was just one that didn’t work for me (I understand that some people would find it hilarious), and that there will be more and more posts that will be LOL-funny and I will keep coming here for them.

  131. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Moab to St. George: Rockwell Relay, Part II | 06.14.2011 | 7:08 am

    [...] I said this because it was true, and I was freaking out, and I wanted to share that freaked-out-ed-ness with you. (And also because a bunch of you recently told me I need to keep my posts down to a reasonable length.) [...]


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