If Only…

08.8.2011 | 10:26 am

[UPDATED: The suite is now spoken for. Thanks for your interest!]A “Get a Room” Note From Fatty: If you are going to Leadville for the Leadville 100 this weekend and need a room, well, maybe we can help each other out. I have a suite — bought and paid for — at the Delaware Hotel, that I no longer need. Just in case you don’t know, the Delaware is the hardest hotel to get a room at for the Leadville 100, because it’s across the street from the starting line. So you don’t have to worry about parking, or using porta-potties, or fighting through a giant crowd to get to the race. And after the race, you’re just a few feet from your bed. Which is unbelievably wonderful.

This suite has one bathroom and two bedrooms: one with a King-sized bed, one with 2 Queen-sized beds. Check in this Thursday, check out Sunday. $650 total, for all three nights. If you’re want it, email me. Thanks!

201108080640.jpg The story I’m about to tell you has a lousy ending. There’s simply no other way to describe it. So if you don’t like stories with lousy endings, you should perhaps stop here and read something else. For example, you might want to look at Dug’s video of a recent ride he went on in American Fork Canyon. Sure, it’s nearly ten minutes long, but it’s a pleasure to watch (Dug is an exceptional road descender), and has a happy ending.

This story, on the other hand, has a lousy ending, even though you might be fooled — briefly — into thinking it has a happy ending.

OK, I think I’m done making disclaimers here. Here’s the story.

Two Minutes Too Soon

Every year, the tiny town I live in holds a mountain bike race as part of its summer festival: The Alpine Days Race. Until last year, I’d never done the race, because it falls on the same weekend as The Leadville 100. Last year, though, the Alpine Days Race was the weekend before the Leadville 100.

And this year — last weekend, in fact — the Alpine Days race was the weekend before The Leadville 100.

But The Hammer and I were unsure whether we wanted to do it.

“Remember how you crashed last year,” The Hammer reminded me. “You don’t want to mess yourself up like that — or worse — again.”

She was right. The fact is, I had already crashed while mountain biking once that week. It amounted to nothing more than a scabby shin (I’ll spare you the photo), but still.

Then, literally at the last moment — for no good reason I can remember — we decided to do the race. I wanted to do the Expert division, because I really like the fourteen-mile course.


I promised, however, that while I would hit the climbs hard, I would just relax and enjoy the descents at a recreational pace. No reliving the injury of last year for me!

The Hammer, on the other hand, wanted no part of the Expert course. She opted for the relatively less-technical Sport course. She texted The IT Guy and asked if he’d like to race. “Sure,” he texted back.

Unfortunately, we made this decision to race during an early dinner on Friday, which meant we needed to rush back to the city hall to sign up if we were going to do this race; no race-day registration for this event (and no online registration, either).

We knew the city hall closed at 7:00pm. We got there at 7:05, right as they were — literally — locking up.

“You here for rodeo tickets?” The man asked.

“No, for the mountain bike race,” I replied.

Without even rolling his eyes, the man re-opened the door to the city hall and let us in, then took care of our registrations.

I don’t even know how many times since then I’ve thought to myself, “If only we had gotten to the city hall two minutes later. That guy would have been gone.”

Big Climb

The race started with Expert class — all ten or twelve of us — facing toward Hog Hollow, and Sport class facing the other direction, toward Lambert Park. My friend Rick Maddox was at my side, also wearing the Fat Cyclist kit, making a total of four of us flying the Team Fatty flag.

We sniffed each other’s bikes (him on a tricked-out Superfly, me on an S-Works StumpJumper), and then I told Ricky my plan: I was going to go as hard as I possibly could and see if I could be first to the top of the big climb — the top of Puke Hill. Then, once the descending started, I was going to treat the ride as recreational and drift back as far as I, well, drifted.


The race director yelled “Go,” and the Sport class took off.

Those of us in Expert looked at each other. Did that “Go” apply to us, as well? Hard to say. So we assumed it didn’t.

The race director yelled “Go” again, and this time we went. Immediately, one guy attacked. putting an end to the “neutral rollout ’til we hit the dirt” idea some of the riders had. I jumped after him, further putting an end to any thoughts of going out easy ’til we hit dirt.

Ricky was right on my tail, along with two other riders in UtahMountainBiking.com (UMB) kit. The four of us quickly dropped the original attacker.

Then Ricky fell back, leaving me with the UMB guys.

Then I fell back, and the UMB guys got to the Hog Hollow climb first, and started gapping me. It looked like my idea of getting to the top first wasn’t going to happen.

Then, about a quarter of the way up, I reeled in the first of the UMB guys. “I thought you might catch me,” he said.

Chewing on my tongue and seeing red, I simply marveled that the guy I was passing was able to speak.

Then I saw the leader. Probably one minute ahead of me. I resolved not to step up my pace; to just see whether he would drop back, or drop me.

Then I changed my mind and went full-bore at him, hoping that a fast pass would discourage him from trying to follow.

Amazingly, it seemed to work.

For the rest of the way up Hog Hollow, I did not look back. I just rode my heart out, figuring that if he could pass me when I was going this hard, it didn’t matter because I had nothing more to give.

But he didn’t pass me. I was pretty sure I could hear him behind me, but he didn’t pass me.

I hit the saddle of Hog Hollow, took a drink during the short relatively flat section before Puke Hill, and then got into a low gear for what I knew would be the hardest climb of the race.

Still, I did not look back.

I got up what we ordinarily think of as Puke Hill without much of a problem — it’s amazing how much easier climbing can be when you have a low gear. Then I saw the nasty little surprise the race director had for us.

Instead of having us turn right on the jeep road as we normally do, the course had us continue straight up the mountain.

Nobody takes that route. Nobody. Ever.

Except we had to.

I rode as much of it as I could, then got off the bike and started pushing. Which seemed to be a good moment to look back and see how close the other racers were.

To my surprise, they were just coming up onto the saddle. I had earned at least two minutes during the Hog Hollow climb.

I pushed on, got to the high point of the course, and looked back. Nobody in sight.

I had done it. Achieved my goal for the day. From here on out, the race was going to simply be a pleasure cruise, and I’d take whatever finishing place came to me.

I Keep My Word

And for the first time ever, I actually stuck to my plan.

I rode the downhill at a casual pace — not too slowly, because that’s even more dangerous than too fast — and had fun. When I hit climbs, I went at them hard, and then backed off again when I got to descents.

From time to time, I’d look back, certain I’d see somebody.

But I never did.

I dropped into Lambert Park, where the Expert class was to do what amounts to a loop and a third of the Sport course. And still, I stuck to my plan. Climb hard, descend easy.

Amazingly, nobody passed me. Still.

As I passed the start of the loop, I looked around, expecting to see The Hammer, The IT Guy, and one of the twins (the other twin slept in) cheering me on, having finished their race.

There was nobody there. Oh well.

I did the loop, looking back more and more frequently. Surely, I’d hear “On your left” soon.

I never heard it.

I finished the loop and crossed the finish line. First place. My first first-place finish, ever. Finally.

I stopped, turned around, and looked for The Hammer, The IT Guy, and The Twin. I was excited to share a moment-by-moment account of my victory.

I couldn’t see them.

And this is a good place to stop reading, if you’d like to pretend this story has a good ending.

Now The Story Turns Bad

The race director walked up to me and said, “I’ve got something for you.”

I assumed it was a prize of some sort, which would have been surprising, since the Alpine Days Race doesn’t have prizes, or even publish results.

The Race Director handed me my phone.


I was baffled. I was sure I had not brought my phone on this race. So I couldn’t have dropped it. But there it was, obviously my phone.

“Your wife gave this to me. She said you should call her as soon as you can. She’s on her way to the hospital.”

He continued, “The IT Guy crashed and broke his collarbone.”


Oh no.

Not a week before Leadville. Not a week before the race he’s spent the past ten months training for. Not during a silly, goof-off nothing of a race!

As a rule I don’t swear. It’s not my way. But this time I did.

At The Hospital

I called The Hammer; they were just walking into the emergency room. I told them I’d be over as soon as I could.

By the time I got there, they were already in a room — early Saturday morning is a good time to have an accident, apparently.


Mike Young — one of the fastest cyclists around, an incredibly nice guy, and an ER doctor to boot — was looking him over.


The IT Guy had had an X-Ray, which made the obvious even more obvious:


The IT Guy won’t be racing Leadville — or riding a bike, sleeping on his back, or putting shirts on by himself — for quite a while.




Sure, as far as accidents go, this is not as serious as many. A broken collarbone will heal, and if there’s got to be a surgery (unlikely), it’s one they know how to do.

But still. The Hammer and I had been talking about — more than our own races, our own hopes for our finish times — is how we thought The IT Guy would do. Where we’d set up to watch him finish.

And now Leadville won’t be quite as much fun.

Next year, IT Guy. Next year for sure.

What Happened

The thing about crashes is, you usually never really learn how it happened or what they looked like. The person who actually has the crash mostly just remembers chaos and pain, and very likely has a confused recollection of what caused the wreck.

The best he could remember, The IT Guy was in second place for the Sport class, with a good likelihood of making a pass and finishing in first. Then he came to this little raised bridge going over a little creek:


Thanks to a lost contact lens early in the race and a badly-adjusted front brake, The IT Guy didn’t realize how much of a lift there was to get to the bridge, and then locked up the front brake once he was up on the bridge. He endoed down the other side, landing on his shoulder and then smacking his back into a rock embedded in the trail:


The Hammer, less than a minute behind The IT Guy, found him walking and immediately abandoned her race. They walked together for a minute, and then she took off to go home (less than a mile from the finish line) and get a car to bring him to the hospital.

Notice, though, that I say you usually don’t ever learn what happened in a crash. This time, though, we have a pretty good idea.

Thanks to the magic of the Internet.

Additional Details

While waiting in the hospital, I tweeted a photo of The IT Guy’s X-ray (this was, by the way, such a poorly-phrased tweet that everyone naturally thought it was my collarbone that had been broken).

Greg Schauerhamer, however, replied with this tweet:


Naturally, I replied, asking if he’d send me a description of the crash. Greg, however, did better than that. He wrote a complete story — and in fact, one of the most hilariously perfect race descriptions I’ve ever read.

Good enough, in fact, that I’m going to post the whole thing here.

201108081006.jpg The IT Guy Takes a Dive
by Greg Schauerhamer

I had the opportunity to be just a few feet behind the infamous IT Guy when he did a sweet endo over the handlebars and did substantial damage to his collarbone. But rather than go straight to the crash, I thought I would give a little background on what led up to said event.

Earlier that morning, just before the start of the small-town mountain bike race in Alpine, we were all standing around listening to our race official give us the rules, talk about the routes, etc. I had a hard time listening as I scanned what appeared to be a Fatty family reunion.

Daddy Fatty was there (straddling the Stumpjumper…poor sap still can’t make up his mind…although we all know he’s going to ride the Superfly), Mommy Fatty was there (aka The Runner), the little Fatties were there (aka The Twins and the IT Guy), and another guy who I will assume was Dug [Ed Note: This was actually Ricky, but I'm going to leave it as Dug for the rest of the story, because I'm too lazy to edit] was there in a FatCylist jersey (I think 50% of Dug’s body weight is in his legs…there is no tapering below the knee).

Anyway, I have to admit that this all felt really weird, considering that I knew so many members of the family but they had no idea who I was. Is this what a stalker feels like? Always looking in, but nobody looking out? Should I say hello? Should I say something snappy like, “Hey dude, got any waffles you wanna share?”

Or maybe I could take the “I’m cool too” approach and say “Hey Fatty, I have a nickname too, they call me “The Hammer” (this is a wordplay on my last name that is pronounced ‘hammer’ but spelled Hamer. And I know that recently Fatty gave that nickname to The Runner, but I had first dibs).

I opted to just act cool and pretend I didn’t know any them. After all, I don’t.

The race started up an asphalt hill that proved to be a great tool in sorting everyone out before we hit the single track. I decided to hang on the rear wheel of a friend that was also racing that day. As the climb progressed, I could see that The Runner & IT Guy were not going to be satisfied at the current pace and they began to pull away. So I pulled in behind The Runner and was content to hang out and draft.

When we hit the dirt The Runner continued pushing a fast pace and I continued to follow. We climbed for some time until we hit a top and prepared for some downhill. At that point, the Runner did the most selfless thing I have ever seen in a race. She simply pulled over and said “Go ahead.”

She must have seen the utter shock on my face because she quickly followed that up by saying “I’m slow on the downhills, just go ahead.” So like any self-serving male, I obliged and plunged ahead.

I lead the race for quite some time. This is a new thing for me. It’s really nice to not have anyone in front of you in a race on single track. It’s your pace. Your race. Your way.

I almost felt a little guilty as I rode whatever line I wanted and thought about everyone behind me still jockeying for position. I must have let this newfound euphoria get to my head though, because just as we approached the top of the hill, I noticed that two racers had caught me. Bummer.

Should I just hog the very middle of the single track so they can’t pass? How could I be so selfish after The Runner was so unselfish? So, in the spirit of love and harmony for cyclists everywhere, I pulled to one side and let the two riders by. The first one was the IT Guy and he was cruising. It looked like his pre-ride caffeine had kicked in. The second rider I did not know, and he too passed quickly.

Less than a minute later we were on the downhill portion of the course and the home stretch of the race. Towards the bottom of the trail Rodeo (on the bermed section in the gully for all you locals) I caught the other two racers. The unknown racer had at some point passed the IT Guy.

As we came out of the berm section, the unknown racer disappeared and I didn’t see him again until after the race. At this point, I just stuck behind the IT Guy. He was going pretty fast, but not fast enough to lose me…after all, I am the Hamer.

We finished Rodeo and turned on to the River trail. The trail snaked through the trees, over a dirt road, and then over a small wooden bridge.


As the IT Guy hit the bridge, something happened. He may have had too much speed as he hit the bump up onto the bridge. I watched in shock as his rear wheel became airborn and his arms outstretched towards the ground. In a fraction of a second he did a somersault right over the handlebars and into the dirt.

It is my opinion that if I had filmed the crash and could have played it back in slow motion, we would have seen something similar to the old cartoon “Speedy Gonzales.” In regular time, we would have just seen a crash.

But in slow motion, we would have seen something very different.

The slow motion view of this crash would show a very confident IT Guy feeling awesome that he was in front of me (The Hamer). He was so confident that he was going to ditch me, that he decided to pull his signature move…and moon me. He reached back, pulled his shorts down, exposed bare skin.

And that’s where things went wrong.

He pulled his shorts too far down and they snagged on the back of his saddle. When he leaned forward to put his hand back on the handlebars, his snagged shorts pulled the saddle and rear wheel off the ground and began the somersault from which he could not recover. I think I can prove that this is what happened. Just ask him if he had dirt down his pants when he finally got to take a shower. If he did, he’s guilty….

His bike landed right on top of him and they both skidded and rolled to a stop. There was a cloud of dust that exploded up and out and everywhere else.

I couldn’t believe what I just saw.

I pulled up to the now very dirty, completely shocked, IT Guy. He hopped up very quickly and smiled. I could see dirt on his teeth.

I said: “Whoa, are you ok? That was a heck of crash.”

He kept smiling and said he was ok as he pulled his iPhone out of his jersey pocket.

I thought “Hmm, more concerned with his iPhone than his own body. He must no be too hurt.”

So what’s a guy to do? Stay and comfort the crashed and shocked, or ditch him and finish the race? So once again, like any other self-serving male, I just said, “Okay, well, see ya.” And took off to finish the race.

I hung around the finish line for awhile, catching my breath and waiting for IT Guy to come down. He didn’t come and didn’t come. The next racer to finish was The Runner. She rode right past the ambulance and me and yelled out, “I think he broke his collarbone.”

I wasn’t sure where she was going, but I assumed she was going to get her car (the race ended at a different place than it started). I rode over to the EMT guys and told them what happened. A very gracious race volunteer put me and my bike in his truck and we drove back up the course to find our injured racer.

We found him in no time, walking down the dirt road. He was stooped over, holding his arm bent and cradled into his chest. Ahh, the classic symptom of a broken collarbone. I should know, since I shattered my right collarbone several years ago. We got him in the truck and off the hill. I did not get confirmation of the break until Fatty sent out a tweet showing the x-ray of the broken collarbone. What a bummer.

Here’s to quick healing for the IT Guy. I’m here to tell you, very few things are as painful as a broken collarbone…especially when you get a clean break and have floating bone. I think that if you wiggle your little toe, it is somehow connected to your collarbone and will make it hurt. Looks like cycling for 2011 is over for the IT Guy. Maybe now that he has tons of free time, he could come to my house and fix my home network. I still can’t get the upstairs computer to print to the downstairs printer.

Maybe one day I’ll formally meet the Fatty family. But for now, I guess I’ll just keep following the blog and practicing this legal form of stalking.

Greg Schauerhamer
aka The Hamer (don’t forget I had first dibs on the name)


  1. Comment by dug | 08.8.2011 | 10:36 am

    it didn’t end well, but that middle part was pretty cool. congratulations.

  2. Comment by Jim Tolar | 08.8.2011 | 10:46 am

    My condolences to the IT guy, and congratulations to you on your first win.
    Good luck at Leadville. Here’s to your first sub-Niner.


  3. Comment by RedNBlondies | 08.8.2011 | 10:55 am

    Oh no!! A quick and speedy recovery for the IT guy. I can’t imagine how disappointed he must be. At least he has a great story and pictures so he’ll never forget!

    And good luck next week, Fatty. After this last amazing race performance, you practically have that sub 9 wrapped up!

  4. Comment by mtnbikechk@hotmail.com | 08.8.2011 | 10:59 am

    IT Guy, bummer, bummer, SUPER-FREAKIN’BUMMER
    Yeah, it’ll heal…. butwow, what a serious mtn biking trophy…..but did you really moon The Hamer? :)
    Fatty, well done on your first, uhm, First….
    Hammer, who knew he’d bust a bone eh?
    Sounds like the “Fatty Family” won’t be doing Leadville this year? or will you?

    Yep, we’re still going, and Blake will still be coming, albeit in a support role. A lot of the family who was coming just to see Blake race (The Hammer and I are old news) won’t be coming though. – FC

  5. Comment by Boz | 08.8.2011 | 11:08 am

    Drat the rotten luck. Get’em next year IT Guy! Did anyone say in the hospital “we can rebuild him, stronger, faster” like the 6 Million Dollar Man?

    Yesterday, felt like Greg did. An outsider looking in. I was taking photos at a local MTB race and the local guys didn’t even say hi. So after I was editing and sending the pics here and there, posting on Facebook, etc, I kind of felt like a stalker, creepy, in fact. Doing business at the local LBS’ and skiing and riding around here for 40+ years and nobody even makes eye contact. Shudder…

  6. Comment by Mike Roadie | 08.8.2011 | 11:14 am

    Oh Freakin’ No!!!!

  7. Comment by NYCCarlos | 08.8.2011 | 11:14 am


    Absolutely. Even Blake will still be going. Just some of the people who were coming specifically to see Blake race (ie most of his extended family) won’t be coming. So we got a smaller room and need to get rid of the suite. – FC

  8. Comment by KM | 08.8.2011 | 11:18 am

    What a bummer for the IT guy. I wish him a speedy recovery. Give it a little time and he’ll be riding the trainer no problem. Tough break though, about missing his first Leadville, there’s always next year. Someday I’ll go…someday.

  9. Comment by Jason | 08.8.2011 | 11:20 am

    As I read through the intro, I thought for sure you were going to say you were the one who had wrecked, which was why you were no longer using your hotel room.
    Too bad for the IT guy. Most of us have been there. Good luck to the rest of you in Leadville, assuming you’re still going.

  10. Comment by KM | 08.8.2011 | 11:22 am

    However, you’ll notice that the Hammer (the mother of the IT guy…jeez, with two Hammer’s now this is going to get confusing) anyway, you’ll notice that the IT Guy is in obvious pain/discomfort yet she’s apparently laughing herself silly. You weren’t joking Fatty when you said she’s tough on other persons pain. I can relate, my wife’s a nurse and if I’m banged up, it’s Ibuprofen and absolutely no sympathy.

  11. Comment by longmontrunner | 08.8.2011 | 11:24 am

    It looks like the Runner is laughing in the background of the one picture — great dichotomy of emotion there.

    GL at Leadville. I thought about coming to spectate but it’s a long drive and my twins are only 16 months, so I’m not sure they’ll have as much fun spectating as your twins!

    I think she may be laughing because I had just told the IT Guy to quit smiling in all the pictures I was taking of him. “You just broke your collarbone!” I said. “Look sad for the picture!” – FC

  12. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 08.8.2011 | 11:27 am

    Quick healing to the IT Guy! Also, Greg’s report was awesome.

    Does this mean that Fatty and the Hammer are NOT going to Leadville???

    We’re going. We just don’t need as many rooms. – FC

  13. Comment by Christina | 08.8.2011 | 11:28 am

    Oh no! That story hurt me just reading it! Plus now you can’t run for elected office because there are topless pictures of you on the internet. Heal up soon and heal up well, IT Guy.

  14. Comment by Dave T | 08.8.2011 | 11:33 am

    So sorry to hear the IT guy will not be riding Leadville with you. A young guy like that should have a speedy recovery though. Congratulations on your first place you look mighty strong this year. I’m sure this will be your sub 9hr ride!

  15. Comment by Janey | 08.8.2011 | 11:38 am

    My best wishes for a quick recovery to the IT guy.
    Suggestion: Even though Greg wants to claim The Hammer, it is Fatty’s blog so The Hammer moniker can go to who ever he wants. If Fatty decides The Runner should remain The Hammer, and based on the mooning portion of Greg’s story, perhaps Greg should be known as The Shammer.
    Just a thought.

  16. Comment by mtb w | 08.8.2011 | 11:39 am

    Quite the day of opposites! You win for the first time and IT Guy goes down in spectacular fashion. Congrats on your win and sympathies for the IT Guy (heal quickly – I broke my collar while skiing and it did take a long time to heal).

    My wife and I (and our dog) are headed to Leadville 100 once again (5th time) though neither one of us has ever raced. It is just a cool event and fun to watch and cheer. We’ll cheer you onto your first sub 9! Just don’t go overboard on the descents and stick with the same/similar strategy – climb hard but relax on descents.

  17. Comment by The Flyin' Ute | 08.8.2011 | 11:39 am


    Glad you are ok. sorry the it guy is buggered up. I thought of racing the Alpine Days race, but as previously stated, it is better to be WELL rested for Leadville so I passed.

    I’m glad you are fast but every match you light, from several days ago until the race, comes out of the same book of matches. Don’t light anymore if you want a sub 9. You may be strong enough this year though. So you’re probably ok. No worries.

    I considered that — and actually thought about your recent comment saying you didn’t ride for 2 weeks prior to the race. But then I decided I’d rather have an excuse for not getting sub-9 than be well-rested and do well at the LT100. It’s possible this strategy was flawed. – FC

  18. Comment by John Juge | 08.8.2011 | 11:49 am

    wow… epic crash. so sorry for the IT guy.. everytime I get crusing on a decent, or cross RR tracks, I think about my collar bone… that is the injury I think I am most scared of, simply because so many cyclists have broken theirs. it dosent seem to be a matter of if, just a matter of when… gahh.

  19. Comment by bikemike | 08.8.2011 | 11:59 am

    i met elden and kenny at interbike a couple of years ago. i thought kenny was dug and on introductions i said “dug?”. kenny, after three and a half minutes of lying on the floor in side stitching laughter said “no, i’m kenny”.

    if any of dug’s friends want to commit bank robbery or any other untoward crime, i feel confident, they can blame dug and get away with it.

    dug, you may want to look into a crime protection program.

    sorry IT guy. by the way IP Man is a great pair of martial arts movies.

  20. Comment by Liz | 08.8.2011 | 12:04 pm

    So sorry, Blake. I had a broken collar bone but not nearly so interesting of a story. This one is epic. Set your alarm an hour early because that is how long it will take you to get out of bed. Best wishes in Leadville 2012.

    Thanks Greg for the great guest blogging!

  21. Comment by Nurse Betsy | 08.8.2011 | 12:17 pm

    Get well soon IT Guy! Sorry about the crash.

  22. Comment by NYCCarlos | 08.8.2011 | 12:29 pm

    ok awesome.

    Blake can tag along with Me and the lady on our support excursion on Saturday if he wants… We’ll be supporting nhjoe. CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!

    PS- I replied to your other message, not sure if you got it.

  23. Comment by roan | 08.8.2011 | 12:30 pm

    Fatty, an OUCH ! shout-out to The IT Guy. Therapy is the key, there must be somethings you can do while mending. I sorta feel his pain, only mine was the lower right leg.
    To Greg S. nice write up…but really 1st dibs on a mispronounced name…er…hamer…no way! You’ve got a great ‘tongue in cheek’ though in your writing.

  24. Comment by gargoyle | 08.8.2011 | 12:41 pm


    Oh man, IT Guy, I’m sorry to hear about the collar bone. That’s just the worst.

    Heal fast and come back stronger.

  25. Comment by zeeeter | 08.8.2011 | 12:53 pm

    Sorry IT Guy, that sucks so bad! Just out of interest, how the heck does something like that heal without surgery to put it back in place?

    Good luck for the weekend Fatty, we’ll be thinking about you!

  26. Comment by Rica | 08.8.2011 | 1:04 pm

    And THAT’S why I hate bridges! Damn them all to hell! They scare the crap out of me! I HATE BRIDGES!

  27. Comment by Brandon | 08.8.2011 | 1:06 pm

    I guess the only thing worse than not getting into Leadville would be sustaining and injury that stops you from competing after receiving your confirmed entry. I hope he heals fast and gets another chance next year. Nice write up for the both of you.

  28. Comment by Bike Nazi | 08.8.2011 | 1:16 pm

    I thought it was you at first! I’m so glad you’re ok. Not cool that it happened to someone in your family. To have to put his goals on hold is such a bitter pill to swallow. I hope IT Guy gets better quickly. Greg, your post was funny. I’m a stalker too!

  29. Comment by bahama mama | 08.8.2011 | 1:18 pm

    Greg’s story was awesome! Not the ending, of course. But what a terrific write up. Good job Greg. And, in Fatty’s world, I think your name should be The Stalker.

  30. Comment by MattC | 08.8.2011 | 1:19 pm

    Wow, that sucks to have the rug yanked right out from under your first LT100 IT Guy…but at least you have an epic story to tell…hope it heals fast! Like Jason (@11:20am), I thought for SURE it as YOUR collarbone in the pic Fatty…you really had me going.

    And btw, are you still going to Leadville? (JUST KIDDING!!!!)

  31. Comment by MattC | 08.8.2011 | 1:26 pm

    Actually, with all these ‘hammers’ running/riding around, we need some sort of order so we can keep things straight.

    So…we have may ‘types’ of hammers…claw hammers, ball peen hammers, roofing-hammers, rock-hammers, sledgehammers, MC-Hammers (my initials are MC…’can’t touch this’) Tho it has been proven many times that I’m much more of a plastic-hammer, or rubber-mallet than an actual hammer).

    So…to all you hammers out there…go ahead, pick your amplifying hammer-ness word.

    I meant now.

    I’ve got all day.

  32. Comment by Jim Miller | 08.8.2011 | 1:28 pm

    Glad to hear everyone will eventually be okay to ride again……One question……Is the hammer laughing at him in the background of a photo in the emergency room????

  33. Comment by Jim Miller | 08.8.2011 | 1:30 pm

    oops…meant to say ” was that the Runner Laughing in the background….”

  34. Comment by gregc | 08.8.2011 | 1:54 pm

    Hey MattC- MC hammer? really?

    If so you need to get some new riding gear that features multi-colored parchute pants. Maybe Fatty has some of those manpris (or however you spell it) that we would donate to the cause!

  35. Comment by Clancy | 08.8.2011 | 2:15 pm

    I’m still waiting for the part where you find out that extra climb/push up puke hill was a ruse and you actually finished last?

  36. Comment by Jacob | 08.8.2011 | 2:39 pm

    Think of it this way: the injury won’t keep him from future attempts and if he has his mother’s genes he has plenty of time to make up for this year. Horrible timing though, and it could have happened just training.

    You must have been DESTROYING the climbs if you were really laying back on the descents. Congrats on the win.

  37. Comment by TimD | 08.8.2011 | 2:45 pm

    I had my own accident Saturday. Big split in my knee and a possible fracture to the radial head. Yes, possible! Two doctors and several x-rays weren’t enough to tell. Two or three weeks minimum off the bikes.

  38. Comment by Trailer Park Cyclist | 08.8.2011 | 2:58 pm

    Fatty Nation has become so all-encompassing that anything that happens to a member during a race or while In Kit will be witnessed by some Stalker or Watcher or whatever. Hopefully they will all be as able reporters as Greg Schauerhamer.

    IT Guy: It Will Heal and now You Are Worthy of a New Nickname. May it be one that reflects your Courage and Strength and Endo Skills. It should have the word “Flying” in it and maybe “Moonshiner”.

    Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose our own Nicks. (Or Breaks) Fatty, after all, gave me mine.

    Good Healin’, Lad.
    Good Writin’, Greg.

  39. Comment by Six | 08.8.2011 | 3:51 pm

    Get well soon IT guy and remember. Chicks dig scars and war stories.

    “There I was cruising along. Nothing between me and the earth except my pure, unadulterated awesomeness…..”

  40. Comment by MattC | 08.8.2011 | 3:51 pm

    Yo GregC…as you (and Fatty, n Lisa, n about 12 other Fatties) can attest to, about the only person I can truly HAMMER is MYSELF! How do I ride? I just ask myself “What would Jens do?” Why, of course he’d ride off the front until he couldn’t anymore. I quite often say “Shut-up LEGS!” Tho usually they don’t listen very well. There. Nuff said. He’s my hero!

    And hey, I MIGHT have a set of white Parachute Pants in a box somewhere. They WERE the rage for a week or 2 back in the 80’s.

  41. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 08.8.2011 | 5:17 pm

    Tough luck for the IT Guy. The plus side is he’s young, and he can probably drop most of his friends riding, even with a broken collarbone! Now the serious question:

    You’ve covered the inability of shirtdressing, but can he still drop trou as you’re ascending some important hill in Leadville? Where does/(where will) the ‘moon shine’ on that fateful Saturday, and who will get the picture(NYCCarlos?)

    As for Greg, spectacular story, get Fatty to send you a jersey and you can mingle with the Family next year.

    For names it’s easy enough: We have the original Runner/Hammer, and we have our new friend The Hamer!(one ‘M’, and those little umblat thingies over the ‘a’. How do you type those?)

    MattC, I think the IT Guy would like some cookies(don’t send them to Fatty’s house though)

  42. Comment by nh_joe | 08.8.2011 | 5:39 pm

    I’ll be “that guy” who changes the topic of the thread…disagreeing with those who say rest for 1 or 2 weeks before Leadville. Everyone’s different. I’m doing LT100 and I raced Saturday, twice last weekend, and the weekend before that. I do terrible with rest – I always feel really sluggish. I took today off but I’m riding every day until LT100. I’m sure after 15(?) years Fatty knows what works for him – congrats on the W; you are obviously coming into peak form!

  43. Comment by rabidrunner | 08.8.2011 | 6:08 pm

    Holy cow, I went to school with Greg Schauerhamer. Like junior high school.

  44. Comment by Jim | 08.8.2011 | 7:43 pm

    Nice writeup, condolences to the IT Guy. And Elden, it’s not a little nothing of a race. To a racer, every race is The Most Important Race In The World. At least when you’re at it.

  45. Comment by Elisabethvi | 08.8.2011 | 8:56 pm

    Heal quickly IT Guy! Sorry you’ll be missing out on Leadville.
    Congrats Fatty! 1st place finish is fantastic. Too bad you weren’t able to celebrate at the finish longer. Have a great time in Leadville! We’re cheering for you.

    I spent this past Saturday riding the Copper Triangle. It was great to see so many Team Fatty kits out there. It is sort of like family when you’re biking alongside other people you don’t know, but are wearing the same kits, and supporting the same blog/cause. It was great to hear the shout outs for Team Fatty!

  46. Comment by Sara | 08.8.2011 | 9:30 pm

    No!!! The poor IT Guy! Heal quickly dude! Also, Fatty, the picture you labeled as “heartbreaking”???, am I the only one who thinks its quite humorous that while the IT Guy is in a Cave of Broken Bone Pain, The Hammer is laughing in the background? :) Not at her son I’m thinking, but still, hilarious. Congrats on the win though and good luck at Leadville! I’m feeling a sub-nine is in your future. :)

  47. Comment by Jesse | 08.8.2011 | 9:32 pm

    I think the IT guy epitomizes “forlorn” in the photo with the Hammer laughing in the background. Poor guy :( Though from the looks of his back, he’s quite lucky that rock didn’t do any worse damage!

    Might be good for him to avoid watching the carnage on the powerline on the way out.

    Good luck to you and the Hammer! Hopefully I’ll make it out to watch again this year.

  48. Comment by BamaJim | 08.8.2011 | 9:38 pm

    Sorry about the collarbone, but a much more heroic story than my similar break (and he avoided the concussion).

    Congrats on the good results – looks like the fatty family fitness is right on track (not that it was an issue)

  49. Comment by Bee | 08.8.2011 | 9:41 pm

    As a fellow crashee who has (now past) broken bones, I welcome the IT guy into the “I bleed love for my bike” club. Bones heal! Feel better, IT Guy!

  50. Comment by Dan O | 08.8.2011 | 10:47 pm

    Damn, that sucks for IT Guy. As a fellow IT Guy, I feel your pain. Heal quick.

    Fatty – congrats on the first place. However, IT Guy breaking his collarbone will always be the story of the day – no matter how many times retold. You’re outta luck on that.

    Great written post by Fatty and Hamer – painful, but entertaining…

  51. Comment by cyclingjimbo | 08.8.2011 | 11:31 pm

    This does not appear to be one of those “leave it alone and it will heal just fine” broken collar bones. Serious dislocation at play here. I assume surgery is in the offing. It looks like the IT Guy will be in less pain and have function a lot quicker if he does have a plate put in.

    Bummer of a break, and couldn’t happen at a worse time. I know you are all disappointed IT Guy won’t be racing LT100; he was ready for it. Quick healing and best wishes for a speedy back on the bike recovery, Blake.


  52. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.9.2011 | 12:43 am

    Dang, sad to read this. A lot of the fitness gained will stick and you’ll rock Leadville next year.

  53. Comment by Jenn | 08.9.2011 | 12:44 am

    IT guy…so sorry this happened to you! After my almost identical x-ray on 18 April this year, I experienced the following: weeks one and two are flipping miserable, but after that you will be amazed at how quickly you feel better and regain small abilities almost daily. If you are militant in keeping it immobile the first two weeks, it will pay dividends. I had to sleep sitting up on the sofa for those two weeks…just too painful to lay down. Immobilizer came off just shy of three weeks and…here’s the good news…I was back on the (road) bike at six weeks, to the day. And I’m almost twice your age, mind you! One thing I read (in the copious free time off the bike) was that a broken collar bone is a rite of passage for a true cyclist. So, a) your hazing is complete now, what a relief, and 2) welcome to a very cool and tough club!

  54. Comment by Jenn | 08.9.2011 | 12:47 am

    Also? Put a baby-powdered sock or something in your arm pit or it will get itchy as all hell. Your smart Mom prolly already told you that, but just in case. Get well quickly!!

  55. Comment by skippy | 08.9.2011 | 1:35 am

    Get well soon IT Guy! Sorry to hear about about the crash ! Great report by the ” STALKER ” !

    Come across so many ” Local Bike Shops ” who recommend your blog so would like to wish those in the UK ” Safe Days ” in the next week or so as the “Mindless Violence in the UK ” breaking out seems to be targeting Sports Stores !
    “London Cyclist ( google the blog )” carries a story of just such a bike store and at a guess regretably there will be more of these reports in the next days.

    These days most ” LBS ” fill their windows with their highend bikes to get the clients through the doors but as a safety measure it may be a good idea to move them out of ” Temptations Way ” ! So many of these store owners are ” small business Guys ” trying to help us all and to see their business devastated by violence of ” Mindless Thugs ” is depressing and no doubt will add to our costs in the future .

  56. Comment by DOM | 08.9.2011 | 2:36 am

    55 comments and nobody has said it…
    Is the bike ok?

    With all these hammers, perhaps the IT Guy can now be called The Nail.

    Heal fast, IT Guy

  57. Comment by Heather | 08.9.2011 | 4:44 am

    IT Guy- Ouch! Fast healing to you!
    Fatty- Congrats!

  58. Comment by mtnbikechk@hotmail.com | 08.9.2011 | 6:18 am

    OMG too funny, in response to Dom’s post….
    Sometimes you’re THE HAMMER and sometimes…you’re THE NAIL….
    Fatty, what do you think? IT GUY aka THE NAIL…

  59. Comment by Doug (Way upstate NY) | 08.9.2011 | 7:20 am

    Dough! That’s rough. IT Guy, welcome to “wait till next season” woes. Heal fast…..

  60. Comment by The Hamer | 08.9.2011 | 9:01 am

    I love reading these comments. You folks are freaking hilarious!

    Fatty, I’m glad that you included your race report too. I was very interested to know how your race turned out. And now I know why The Runner let me pass. It wasn’t kindness, it was self preservation against a crash. Oh well, still works for me.

    Until next time…

  61. Comment by Tyler G | 08.9.2011 | 10:58 am

    Fatty, I am surprised you have not filled the IT guy in on the tips to getting faster and getting race ready….Time to bust out the razor and “shave” a few minutes off your race time.. I predict it will be next year that the IT guy becomes hard core and goes hairless. We shall see, but do get well soon!

  62. Comment by Brandy | 08.9.2011 | 4:23 pm

    Daddy Fatty…Classic.

    Heal well IT Guy.

  63. Comment by CruJones | 08.10.2011 | 12:24 am

    I was the dude who broke his collarbone for Rockwell Relay. I know how it feels to have your season shot in a few short seconds. I feel for the IT guy and I am sure he will be hungry and back for Leadvilled next year. Tough break…..(in more ways than one)

  64. Comment by McBain | 08.10.2011 | 6:40 am

    Broke my collar bone six weeks ago whilst riding my road bike: dozy woman walking a dog stepped out into the road right in front me, I went down like a sack of spuds and smashed my right collar bone and chipped my ulna too. Entire season of Sportive rides was written off in about three seconds.

    On the plus side I am out of my sling at last and starting on the physio to get some movement back in my shoulder (the physio lass was gorgeous but brutal!).

    Bummer all round

  65. Comment by bewert | 08.11.2011 | 8:31 am

    That pic of the sad look with dirt on the face and the Hammer laughing in the background is a classic.

  66. Comment by daness40 | 08.11.2011 | 8:54 pm

    This is a sad story and one I can relate to. Unfortunately, I shattered my clavicle into 5 pieces and have had a plate with 8 screws in it for the past 3 years.

  67. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » 2011 Leadville 100 Race Report: Part 1 | 08.15.2011 | 3:09 pm

    [...] the lesson I learned (and that the IT Guy probably wishes he would have learned) last week at the Alpine Days Race, I took it easy down what is the most technical descent of the whole race: the [...]


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