Who Let THAT Guy in Here?

08.28.2011 | 11:42 pm

Greetings all. It is I, the real Fat Cyclist. Okay, actually it’s just me, a fat cyclist. Fatty’s letting me housesit for him while he’s in France riding with Andy FREAKING Hampsten.

Some of you around here know me. Well, as much as anyone can know a total stranger who they don’t know at all, but only communicate with via the backblog – that’s what the kewl kids call the comments section – of a popular blog. Oh, and “kewl” is the way the kids spell “cool.”

Because the kids are idiots.

But I digress.

Since I’m your host for the next couple of weeks, and since my single goal is having only alienated and bored no more than 60% of Fatty’s readership while here, I thought I’d better open with a Get To Know You post. It’s what my industry calls a “Meet and greet.”

Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself

I’m a man with little wealth and no taste. My name’s Paul Guyot, and in the interest of full disclosure… I only started cycling in January of 2010. Yep, that’s right. I’m a newbie. A rook. And a Clydesdale to boot. I have not ascended and descended mountainous mountains like Fatty and Dug and Kenny and many of you have. I have not – and more importantly, cannot – do things like Leadville or 24hr races or any of that.

I don’t know this guy, or this guy, or even this guy.

I’m just a chubby dude who used to be much more chubby before I traded in late night love affairs with fried food for morning rides and Honey Stinger products. After years of physical and nutritional apathy, my brother – a cycling coach for Carmichael Training Systems – gave me a road bike for Christmas, and changed my life. I went from being addicted to laziness and crinkle cut chips, to being addicted to suffering and Gu gels.

In a year, I dropped over thirty pounds, but more importantly saved my life. To inspire those of you who are just now dipping your toe into the Cycling is Life pool, let me share this:

On October 9th, 2009, I had a complete physical. After looking at the results of my blood work and everything else, my doctor proclaimed me “Pre-Diabetic.” He informed me that if I did not lose a significant amount of weight, and start eating better, I would be diabetic within a few months and have to go on medication.

On December 2nd, 2010, after my first year of cycling, I went to the same doctor and had another complete physical… I won’t bore you with all the numbers, but they were significantly better. So much so, that my doctor said in one year of cycling and eating better, I had reduced my risk of cardiovascular disease by nearly 25%, and my risk for diabetes by over 50%. I still have a long way to go to become Leadville Fit, but I’m on my way and I’m loving the journey.

This year I upgraded from my Christmas gift bike to a Trek Project One, and while I am in no way worthy of the bike – either physically or ability-wise – I love it. Like, love it in a bordering on creepy way. I keep it inside my house because I feel it is too good for the garage. I find myself looking at it a lot. Like, late at night when I’m sitting in the brown leather chair I’m in right now, watching Apple TV (God, but I love my Apple TV), or writing (as I am right this very moment), and I will just look over and stare at the P1. And then I usually smile. And imagine being out on a ride somewhere, suffering up a climb, or surpassing 50mph on a descent.

Then I stare at the bike some more and think how cool it looks. And that thought leads me to thinking about how cool I must look when I’m out riding it, and that’s when my world implodes. Because I imagine uber-fit, Rapha-clad hipsters rolling by me on their steel Vikings thinking, “Look at that carbon-loving dufus too lazy to use down tube shifters.”

Or is it doofus?

That leads me to walk to my balcony, stare out at Manhattan and say, “Who am I?”

Then I remind myself that isn’t Manhattan, it’s just a suburb of St. Louis, and I should really remove WALL STREET from my Netflix queue.

But I digress.

A lot of my inspiration early on came from Fatty and this blog. It also led me to Livestrong which I supported lightly and ignorantly until this year when, in one those fusilli of fate things, my family and I unfortunately needed the help and services of Livestrong. They were amazing and I will support them heavily the rest of my life. Which leads me to this…

Donate To My Livestrong Challenge Austin Page and Win a New Trek Livestrong Bike

I’m riding the Livestrong Challenge 90+ miles ride in October and Trek has graciously agreed to give away a bike to one lucky winner. But if we raise $10,000 Trek will give away TWO of these completely awesome bikes!


As in all of Fatty’s giveaways, you will receive one chance for every $5 you donate. Winners will be chosen by Fatty using his nifty Random.org thingy.

Donate here for a chance to win a cool bike, and to just be a cool person.

So that’s the abridged version of me. Insert yawn here.

I love cycling, to the point that I have now fallen in love with the suffering. I love Livestrong. I love Fatty, but you know, in a real manly way, like when those cool MMA guys hug each other with that forearm-to-chest slap-the-back hug type of way.

In the days to come I will be discussing a myriad of topics, some (hopefully) even bike related. Okay, most. If there’s anything of particular interest to you that you’d like me to discuss on this blog, drop a comment to let me know. Remember, with Fatty gone, we can do WHATEVER we want!

Just don’t break anything.


  1. Comment by Jenn | 08.29.2011 | 2:12 am

    Wow, I’m dumb. “Fusilli of fate.” It took me more than five minutes, and also the use of dictionary.com to find the plural of the word ‘fuselage’ before I realized, um, DUH. Eesh. Anyway, why are we not being treated to a photo of your Trek? Bike p*rn is for sharing.

  2. Comment by Jenn | 08.29.2011 | 2:13 am

    Hint for anyone as dumb as me: there were no fuselageS in the term ‘fusilli of fate.’ Just twisty pasta.

  3. Comment by jake | 08.29.2011 | 2:40 am

    I feel alienated and I miss Fatty. Nice guest post Paul, keep them coming.

  4. Comment by Laurel | 08.29.2011 | 4:56 am

    Loved the guest post, looking forward to more! Found Fatty and the blog about 3 months ago and while I live in Canada I love reading about all the goings on in the US of A!

  5. Comment by Cookster | 08.29.2011 | 5:35 am

    Good to type with you Paul. Hope to read lots about the normal stuff and would mind if you dropped a few “Leverage” bombs as well.

  6. Comment by cece | 08.29.2011 | 5:50 am

    Hi Paul! Great post. I can relate to the life changes that cycling has brought to you. I look forward to reading more during Fatty’s time away!

  7. Comment by Handz98 | 08.29.2011 | 6:03 am

    Back Blog…Kewl !!!

  8. Comment by RedK | 08.29.2011 | 6:07 am

    Ok, I want to hear about how you are learning to ride and become worthy of your awesome bike. I’m not much of a rider either, and none of my friends ride. The closest I get to a good ride is ready Fatty. So, what are you doing to get better? Tell me your story!

  9. Comment by Lonster | 08.29.2011 | 7:16 am

    Just keep on riding. It is all about the motor, not the bike. I ride partially due to a family history of high blood pressure which I credit the bicycle to keeping at bay.

  10. Comment by Dan | 08.29.2011 | 8:15 am

    A pleasure to meet you Paul and a pleasure to read your post. Looking forward to much more about you and cycling as I too am new to it and lost about 100 lbs so far with about 200 to go!

  11. Comment by Dan O | 08.29.2011 | 8:43 am

    Gypsies in the palace!

    I like it!
    Great post Paul, just don’t break anything.

    “fusilli of fate” I’ve been there, survived it twice, and doing great, I hope the same for your family.

    Life is good


  12. Comment by The Bike Nazi | 08.29.2011 | 8:46 am

    I like your writing style. Can’t wait to hear more about you and your biking.

  13. Comment by David J. Montgomery | 08.29.2011 | 9:03 am

    Who are you again?

  14. Comment by Wife#1 | 08.29.2011 | 10:10 am

    Nicely done sir! *insert applause here*

    I agree with whoever said we need a picture of your bike however. Happily, bike porn is not filtered by my family friendly Google settings…. yet.

    BTW, first season of Leverage, every freaking episode I would be saying: “Why the hell is that guy’s voice so familiar, who is he?” About Christian Kane’s character. I was of course too lazy to go look it up online. I’d forget until the next episode and then be musing all over again.

    Then near the end of the season, I wake up in the middle of the night, sit up and shout out “Angel! The lawyer from Angel.”

    I am embarrassed to admit that I watched Angel, it was vastly inferior to Buffy. :-)

    Anyhoo…. we love Leverage, a fact which you probably find to be a dubious compliment considering I fessed up to Angel and Buffy. LOL.

    Will hit your donation site, almost anything for Livestrong gets our support!

  15. Comment by GJ Jackie | 08.29.2011 | 10:53 am

    I like your digressions. Keep ‘em coming!

  16. Comment by rich | 08.29.2011 | 11:04 am

    Good stuff Paul…..nice to meet you!
    Broke my collarbone last weekend and spent this past weekend on the couch with a season of Leverage which I had never seen before. Very enjoyable series!!

  17. Comment by JodieA | 08.29.2011 | 11:07 am

    Great post, Paul. Similar story–this would be my second attempt at the dreaded lifestyle change to help lower my high blood pressure. And I’m a big fan of Leverage. I loved last night’s show. Can’t wait for the new ones in November.

  18. Comment by Will Delson | 08.29.2011 | 11:16 am

    I enjoyed the post quite a bit, Paul. Thanks for filling in to keep us entertained

  19. Comment by roan | 08.29.2011 | 11:28 am

    I too like your writing, it’s like mine…fragmented.
    Donation soon on the way, love these contests even if I don’t win something I still ‘feel’ like I always win.
    +50mph descents…keep your hands off the brakes ! AND your glasses on !473.jpg

  20. Comment by Dave T | 08.29.2011 | 11:39 am

    Nice first post looking forward to more.

  21. Comment by Lynda | 08.29.2011 | 12:21 pm

    Thanks Paul–it’s going to be fun to read you while Fatty is gone. I have a similar starting doctor’s report, but, unlike you, cannot get up enough courage to ride a bike with all the thinsters in lycra out there. But I will donate; who could resist trying to become a cyclist if they won a bike like that?

  22. Comment by Heather S | 08.29.2011 | 1:23 pm

    Paul, can’t wait to read more. Fatty should have invited you to blog-sit long ago.

  23. Comment by Mike | 08.29.2011 | 2:44 pm

    Let’s here some more about the horrible first time experiences on a road bike. Making it through the morning sickness, fatigue, sore ass, aching back, and lack of apatite must have been tough. It was for me when I first start, or am I getting that confused with the first trimester of pregnancy my wife is going through?

  24. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 08.29.2011 | 2:54 pm

    AWESOME Paul! I too am a cycling convert thanks to Fatty. I’ve lost 55 lbs this year and just picked up a Cannondale Super-Six. Yep, I’m WAYYYY not worthy, but in the words of Ferris Bueller – “If you have the means, I highly reccomend picking one up – it is SO choice.”

  25. Comment by Jeff Bike | 08.29.2011 | 3:16 pm

    I know exactly when Fatty left us! There was a ripple in the force! The universal continuum of cosmic energy was disrupted. I have proof! The earthquake and hurricane in the northeast would never have happened if Fatty had not left us, and I ran off the edge of the road and bent a wheel and broke a spoke. This never should have happened. (Though this has happened before for no real reason other than I was not paying attention.) The point is I was not paying attention because the force/energy thing was goofed up. Help me I’m so confused! Or may be that it’s 109* outside and so hot that my brain is baking inside my tinfoil hat.
    Paul why should I listen to you? Are you our substitute savor?
    Oh well at least you write better than I do.

  26. Comment by Gillian | 08.29.2011 | 4:35 pm

    I think we should talk about fatty. *snicker.*

    Glad you’re here. I am also a cycling newbie, and so I love your perspective! Tell me about learning cycling etiquette . . . I’m still in the dark.

  27. Comment by Ginger | 08.29.2011 | 4:51 pm

    Loving the posts — nice to meet you — the only thing that bugs me on Leverage is that Sophie is too old for the sexy young thing character… My goal is to improve fitness, lose some weight and wear my bikes out with miles!!

  28. Comment by Team Coffee Nook | 08.29.2011 | 5:58 pm

    Professional writing good.

  29. Comment by Robin | 08.29.2011 | 6:22 pm


    Awesome guest post! I too started riding again in January of 2010, having gotten the same speech from my doctor back in the summer of 2009. I’ve done the 1/2 marathon thing (walking) but riding is so much… FASTER! I also have a bike I’m not worthy of, but as soon as it cools down here I’m going to try to do it justice.

    Waiting for your next post…

  30. Comment by Debra | 08.29.2011 | 6:24 pm

    Leverage? I am familiar with the meaning of the word, but somehow I think it must be something different. Must be a TV thing. I got my Giant road bike this spring after riding the heck out of my Trek hybrid. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Trek – it’s great for my commute to work and grocery store! But I also love the Giant! Even if it did kick the Shoulder Impingement Syndrome into a slightly higher gear! And, Lynda….. just get out there and ride! I’ve been there – on my bike at 250+ pounds. Now I’m about a hundred pounds lighter and the road bike would not have become such a joy for me had I not said “to heck with anyone who doesn’t think I ought to be out here on a bike at my size!” Do it for you, who cares what anyone else thinks! Paul…. nice post, loved it!

  31. Comment by MattC | 08.29.2011 | 6:54 pm

    Hey Paul…nice opening guest post! A suburb of St Louis? For some reason I thought you were down in Agoura Hills (CA)…seems I read that somewhere. Hmmm…guess I need to fire up a 2nd brain cell and bring it on line, thus doubling my memory.

    As for an idea for one of the posts while Fatty is gone, I for one would LOVE an insiders view of the going’s on in a TV series…starting from what/how all the writing is done (how many people it takes, do you sit around in your underwear at home eating oreos, or all together in some conference room brainstorming, etc)…and then how it goes from there and finally ends up on the set and recorded in an episode. Might take a few posts…or maybe just a paragraph or 2…I have NO idea.

    I have to tell you (not sucking up here AT ALL, but I would consider one of those ‘forearm chest-slap’ manly huggy things) that I’ve been watching Leverage since the beginning…LOVE IT! I really enjoy the characters…(and I’m sure you know this already, but Parker is about as HOT as a lady can get without actually spontaneously bursting into flames). Really enjoy the scenes where Elliot kicks multiple asses in his calm ‘bring it’ bad-ass manner. It’s just a great cast, and I love how much humor is put into every episode. OK…I’ll stop now. (slap slap)

    Bring it!

  32. Comment by stuckinmypedals | 08.29.2011 | 7:37 pm

    Hi, Paul. I love Leverage, and like MattC, I’ve been watching it since episode 1. A post on the inner workings of the process of the writing and the show would be awesome! I’m so glad you’re kickin’ it with us while Fatty’s away.

  33. Comment by TimRides | 08.29.2011 | 8:24 pm

    Lynda – A lot of the lycra-clad folks will embrace your efforts on a bike, and those that don’t aren’t worthy of your attention. Get a bike–a good one, doesn’t have to be a great one, but not a Bike Shaped Object from the big-box store–and just start riding! Start with a short ride and work your way up. We’ll look for you on the road!

  34. Comment by ac | 08.29.2011 | 9:43 pm

    Ditto from me to TimRides reply.
    A few years ago I made up some “rules” for reversing a car with a trailer and have since discovered they apply very broadly to many areas of life.
    #1 Try.
    #2 Go forward and try again.
    The only other advice I could give would be to swap one or two of your regular, short, local car trips and go by bike instead. Don’t let cycling be something “extra” you squeeze in to your day, instead make it a part of what you are already doing.

  35. Comment by Rockin' Rick | 08.29.2011 | 10:51 pm

    Good Job Paul, Add Pictures, Your Weight, your Diet and have fun…

  36. Comment by skippy | 08.30.2011 | 12:24 am

    Enjoyed your earlier Guest Post also , and know that there many out there who like you have taken up cycling on ” Doctors’ Orders ” !
    With Paralympic 2012 in London on the horizon i hope you will find time here to give mention to ” Wounded Warrior Project ” and their Soldiers Ride . In the UK there is ” Help4Heroes “. These people are also taking up Cycling after Life Changing events but are in many cases returning to serve their Nations again on the Sporting Field .

    Weather in Europe is changeable currently so i guess Fatty will have plenty to report from the adventure .

    By the way covered ” Cycling Etiquette ” recently with references to other items from all parts of the world .

  37. Comment by Jodi | 08.30.2011 | 5:44 am

    Why do you newbies feel like you’re not worthy of a nice bike? The only person not worthy of a nice bike is the one who buys it and doesn’t ride it…newbie or not.

    You’re totally worthy! Keep on riding!

  38. Comment by Bob | 08.30.2011 | 7:49 am

    Great post, Paul! Your story is like mine in some ways, only you tell it much better.

    Thanks for sharing. Will contribute soon.

  39. Comment by Nic Grillo | 08.30.2011 | 8:47 am

    Nice job, Paul! Looking forward to your posts!

  40. Comment by Paula Webb | 08.30.2011 | 9:45 am

    Paul – Thanks for filling in while Fatty is away. Also, bring your bike when/if you come out to Portland and we will take you out for a ride. Maybe entice you to move a little closer?

  41. Comment by Anonymous | 08.30.2011 | 10:41 am

    Welcome to the Super Six World! At my size(2XL, 1.47 fatties) I am still amazed such a twiggy thing can carry me forward, Although the need to replace a cracked rear rim reminded me I still have weight to lose!

    Riding with Paulie Contest! Donate to Paul G’s Livestrong Page and Ride with your favorite Leverage Star or Writer. (just an idea. I’m confident you could ‘leverage’ some unique swag!) LA, Vancouver, St. Louis?

    As for Blog topics: Let’s have a kewl backblog on Fatty’s upcoming role on Leverage. Paul promised us….

    And MattC you are correct! Paul did his 100MON around a block in Agoura Hills (let people google it’s location) http://www.fatcyclist.com/2011/06/09/100mon-race-report-unlucky-13-suicidal-squirrels-from-hell-division/

    Looking forward to all your words, Paul. You’re not too busy…are you?

  42. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 08.30.2011 | 10:45 am

    Welcome, Paul! Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Safe travels, Fatty!

  43. Comment by Haven-KT | 08.30.2011 | 10:59 am

    The fusilli of fate is delicious with a pesto sauce. Mm.

    Lynda: I was once like you. My advice: get a bike that you are comfortable riding, at a price range you can afford. Don’t worry about all those lycra-clad skinnies, if they are snobs on a bike, they’re snobs off the bike too.

    Make sure the bike you get has lights and whatever other accessories you need. Then, go ride. It’s always helpful to research your route ahead of time so you know where you’re going; at the very least, make sure your route is safe for your skill level.

    The more you ride, the better it is, so you ride some more. I call it the circle of bike.

  44. Comment by Doug (Way upstate NY) | 08.30.2011 | 12:51 pm

    Oops. I broke something. Sorry………

  45. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 08.30.2011 | 12:59 pm

    @Comment by Lynda |

    Consider stepping out, putting up your location. I’m willing to bet there’s a Team Fatty rider willing to help start you riding….then?

  46. Comment by Kristina | 08.30.2011 | 1:49 pm

    First bike-ride pain stories are always fun. Or first flat tire. First wreck. Second wreck?

    Basically anything painful or humiliating… told with humor they’re the most inspiring stories!

  47. Comment by NYCCarlos | 08.30.2011 | 3:26 pm

    Congrats to Paul B from Vancouver – apparently he’s going to Africa with Fatty and Johan!

  48. Comment by Jesse | 08.30.2011 | 3:47 pm

    If you’re in Denver I’ll ride with you, Lynda!

  49. Comment by leroy | 08.30.2011 | 8:28 pm

    The last time someone promised we could do WHATEVER we wanted in the comments section, I suggested karaoke.

    My dog still makes fun of me for that.

    I think he’s just not that in to music.

  50. Comment by AK_Chick | 08.30.2011 | 11:37 pm

    Oh. My. Word. You must start a blog. You are hysterical and awesome! :) I loved your post! Old fatty (Thinny) better be careful who he lends his blog to. :) Congratulations on your lost weight and new found fitness! I’m a newbie cyclist too (can I say that since I’ve been cycling 3.5 years? I’m still learning). While I don’t enjoy the pain of going up hills and fighting headwinds, I take satisfaction in that it makes me stronger and better. I too bought a new bike (though I still love my first roadie) that I love. It’s not a carbon fiber Trek, but an aluminum cyclocross women’s specific Giant. I didn’t want to ride it the first week I got it. I don’t want to scratch it. It is the nicest bike I’ve ever owned. Even with the stock knobby tires, it feels FAST. I keep in the garage because our house is small and there isn’t room to keep it inside. Our family too has had the need for LIVESTRONG this year (my brother-in-law is battling stage 4 colon cancer at 29 and has a less than 8% chance of surviving 5 years). I’m trying to raise $15K for this year’s Challenge in Austin. Unfortunately, I am not friends with an award-winning blogger and I do not have one or two really nice bikes to give away. :) But when I get paid, I can make a contribution to your account. Not because of the bikes cause I never win everything, but because I’m bribing you to start a blog. :)

  51. Comment by Cole Chlouber | 08.31.2011 | 4:45 am

    Love the post Paul, what a great read and what an inspiring story! I hope your new “suffering” sees no end, good on you!

  52. Comment by Debi | 09.2.2011 | 11:49 am

    Ditto, on a lot of what everyone else said Paul. Awesome post. I started riding in June of 2009 to lose weight and I’ve lost some. I’ve been addicted since, too.


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