Just the Essentials

09.27.2011 | 9:16 am

I don’t care very much about clothes, and hence don’t own a lot of clothes. I pretty much rotate between four pairs of shorts and maybe eight t-shirts, six of which are black (and five of which are Fat Cyclist t-shirts).

That’s pretty much it. That’s how I dress. When I travel, I don’t have to choose what to wear; I just bring everything along. It still fits in a carry-on.

And yet, my closet is full. I have several bike jerseys, and several pairs of bibshorts. And some cold-weather riding gear: a few jackets, tights, vests, and pairs of armwarmers. And some more jerseys.

Just the essentials, really.

“I cannot believe how many jerseys you have,” said The Hammer. “You could wear a different jersey every day for a month, including weekends.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I answered.

And so The Hammer decided to make a point. She got out all my bike clothes (although she forgot my socks and gloves. I I took pains not to remind her of this fact because I was pretty sure it would not work in my favor), and she laid them out on the driveway.

Like this (click for larger):


Originally I planned to take a picture from a tall ladder at the end of the driveway (you can see the shadow of the ladder in the top-left corner of the above image), but it just wasn’t high enough to be able to see the jerseys well.

So I went on the roof of the house and photographed them there. I still couldn’t get all the stuff in the frame, so I took a bunch of photos and then kinda-sorta stitched them all together in Photoshop.

Unfortunately, they’re all upside down this way. But I can fix that problem (click here for a very large version of this photo):


Once you get over the “Help, the world is upside down!” feeling (and the fact that my Photoshop skills aren’t that great), you will no doubt notice that I do, in fact, not have enough jerseys to wear a different one every day for a month. That was clearly absurd of The Hammer to even suggest such a thing.

I have enough jerseys to wear a different one every day for two months.

Clearly, I have a problem.

And–obviously–that problem is: I need to get more bibshorts.

PS: Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you’re any different than me.


PPS: Speaking of jerseys, there are a lot of people noticing that the new FatCyclist jersey is quite possibly the best jersey we’ve ever done (see professionally-shot self-portrait, right), and folks are wondering how they can get one.

Well, the best way to get one was to have been part of the pre-order back in July. However, there will be a few jerseys and other Team Fatty gear available once all the pre-orders have shipped and exchanges have been handled.

Those will go on sale in mid-October. You’ll want to act fast, because those will probably sell out within a day.

The best way to stay posted on when these will be available will be to read this blog and follow me and TwinSix on Twitter.


  1. Comment by Jo Ann | 09.27.2011 | 9:23 am

    I think my collection could rival yours. Should be a contest of some kind–don’t you think?

  2. Comment by DougRob | 09.27.2011 | 9:34 am

    I like how the Reese’s Jersey is next to the Fat Cyclist Jersey!

    I bought that jersey when I started this blog. It’s an XL. Back then, it fit. – FC

  3. Comment by Weiland | 09.27.2011 | 9:39 am

    If you account for days off and the cross training you triathletes do then you would actually have enough jerseys to wear for 3.72 months without having to do laundry.

    Imagine the cumulative stench. – FC

  4. Comment by Stephen G | 09.27.2011 | 9:41 am

    We are certainly brothers separated at birth. I retire from my fire department job in about a week and had to gather 30 years worth of uniforms to return (since 9/11 all old uniforms have to be returned and destroyed when you separate service). While cleaning out my closet I realized that I only wear about 4 pair of shorts, two pairs of jeans, and about 8 t-shirts and 6 of those are some sort of off-duty FD shirt. All the rest of my clothes are for the motorcycle. Now that I have begun riding a bike again the jerseys collection is starting to grow…. the wife has already warned me. Now if there were only some Fat Cyclist jerseys to buy….

    I just added a PS to today’s post describing when you will be able to get this year’s jersey. Mid-October is the short version of the answer, though. – FC

  5. Comment by Andrew | 09.27.2011 | 9:47 am

    I think it’s probably safe to get rid of that old Astana vest. :)

    No way! That’s actually not an Astana jersey; it’s a Kazakhstan Cycling Federation jersey, and it’s signed by by Alexandre Vinokourov. – FC

  6. Comment by Chris | 09.27.2011 | 9:51 am

    I have the same problem, just on a smaller scale. I have a week’s worth of jerseys, with only 3 pairs of shorts. Nice collection….

  7. Comment by Mike@Squirrelhead | 09.27.2011 | 9:53 am

    WOW! Is that what my future holds for me? I CAN’T WAIT!! I have only been doing more serious riding for a year and I already have 4 bibs and 10 jerseys. It does seem odd that the jerseys quickly outnumber the bibs. I think you need to do a picture with all your bikes and helmets next.

  8. Comment by Chris | 09.27.2011 | 9:54 am

    Oh, and whose leg is that in the corner? :)

    One of the twins. – FC

  9. Comment by Kyle (aka slowcyclist) | 09.27.2011 | 9:54 am

    I obviously need more jerseys…

  10. Comment by Haven-KT | 09.27.2011 | 10:05 am

    We must live in opposite-land.

    Being female, you’d expect me to have a collection similar to yours.

    But, opposite-land: I have I think 7 jerseys (one long sleeved, even) and 4 pairs of shorts.

    The next time I contemplate spending bunches of dollars on bike clothes, I will be sure to bring along your picture to convince my significant other that obviously, I need more shorts and jerseys. Or to convince him that I don’t spend as much money on bike clothing as he thinks I have.

  11. Comment by Wife#1 | 09.27.2011 | 10:08 am

    More cowbell.

  12. Comment by wade | 09.27.2011 | 10:26 am

    Love the Waltworks!

  13. Comment by Al | 09.27.2011 | 10:33 am

    I am pathetic. 4 jerseys, two pairs bib shorts :-(

    What am I thinking? Time to go shopping…

  14. Comment by Joe in San Diego | 09.27.2011 | 10:39 am

    Blog cover photo

  15. Comment by centurion | 09.27.2011 | 10:43 am

    So, what’s the problem?

    The problem is I clearly need more bibshorts, to achieve top-to-bottom cyclewear parity. – FC

  16. Comment by Tim K. | 09.27.2011 | 10:46 am

    You totally missed an opportunity to recreate that silly T-shirt video on youtube where the guy puts one shirt on top of the other until he looks like a marshmallow. You should layer these for your next deep winter ride.

  17. Comment by Crusty | 09.27.2011 | 10:46 am

    There needs to be cycling equivalent of Goodwill.

    That’s actually a fantastic idea. – FC

  18. Comment by Anonymous | 09.27.2011 | 10:50 am

    it’s kind of like “where’s Waldo” of the FC jerseys. I think I can count 10 but lose it a bit toward the back.

  19. Comment by Christina | 09.27.2011 | 11:06 am

    My husband, upon seeing the new Fat Cyclist jersey arrive in the mail, said, “How many jerseys do you NEED?!” Boy oh boy do I have a picture to show HIM tonight.

    Who won the Gran Fondo trip? Or should I check my spam folder ;)

  20. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.27.2011 | 11:06 am

    I have this same problem. The inequal ratio of jerseys to bib shorts, that is.

    The real problem, I think, is that jerseys almost never wear out, but bib shorts only last a year or two. It would be stinkin’ expensive to build up the bib shorts inventory to an equitable level and maintain it there.

  21. Comment by Joe | 09.27.2011 | 11:09 am

    Clearly you should have a giveaway. Take a dozen of your least favorites, sign them, and give them away (or raffle them for a good cause?).

  22. Comment by Jacob | 09.27.2011 | 11:16 am

    Unfortunately, I have a job where I can’t work from home (teaching), so my closet is actually full of clothes that I don’t wear during June and July when I don’t have to go to work.

    Also, I only have one jersey (from the Historic Savannah Century) and one pair of bib shorts and a pair of tri shorts. I actually do most of my riding with a highlighter-yellow technical tee.

  23. Comment by Jacob | 09.27.2011 | 11:16 am

    Also, is the light pink jersey actually yours?

  24. Comment by Roderick | 09.27.2011 | 11:27 am

    I feel much better about my collection!
    Thanks, but not many Hi Viz stuff. I wouldn’t feel safe without these in on our back roads.

  25. Comment by roan | 09.27.2011 | 11:28 am

    Couldn’t help but notice that right side up or upside down that the jerseys are smaller at one end. Odd that the smaller ones appear to be the older ones. I’m still scratching my head. You should take all the jerseys you don’t wear, put them one of those storage bags and suck the air out. Write a discription of the greatest moments riding while wearing each jersey. Then decades from now when your children are opening the Fatcyclist Hall of Fame the jerseys with great stories can be framed for display on the Wall of Fame.

  26. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 09.27.2011 | 11:36 am

    I have:

    1 Fat Cyclist jersey (Pink and Black – or is it Black and Pink?), 1 pair of bib shorts and 3 Utah Tour de Donut tech tees.

    I CLEARLY need more FC jerseys!

    Oh, and I will be getting a SWEET Utah Tour de Donut jersey in the next 30 days – first ever! You will too Fatty – just you wait and see :)

  27. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 09.27.2011 | 11:39 am

    Hey Fatty, I’m sure the Reese’s jersey would look sweet on me! I’ll start the bid at 50 bucks – with stench and all!

  28. Comment by Dave T | 09.27.2011 | 11:59 am

    I don’t see a problem here. If this is your jersey collection I bet your tee shirt collection requires a separate room in you house.

  29. Comment by Tracy W | 09.27.2011 | 12:09 pm

    Wow! I can just imagine the neighbors peeking through their window blinds at those crazy “fatties” paving their drive with bike clothes, then watching you climb on the roof to take a picture.

    Although…I’m not saying I’ve never done anything similar!

    One of the neighbors was funny — she came out and laid her husband’s one cycling outfit (a jersey and some baggy shorts) on her own driveway. Really, she did. – FC

  30. Comment by Steve Courtright | 09.27.2011 | 12:10 pm

    You cannot have too many:

    1) Ex brother-in-laws;
    2) Coupons to dinner at Taco Bell;
    3) Window treatment options;
    4) Guitars;
    5) Bicycles;
    6) Jerseys.

    A: Easy, it’s 4, 5, and 6.

  31. Comment by leroy | 09.27.2011 | 12:35 pm

    Pssst… Don’t tell The Hammer she missed the merino wool fat cyclist jersey.

    Our collection overlaps by about 6 jerseys (and not all FC jerseys). Of course, some are too large to wear anymore (Fat Cyclist jerseys are known for miracle weight loss properties), but I can’t bear to part with them.

  32. Comment by Brandon | 09.27.2011 | 12:38 pm

    Since some of those are XL jerseys, how many jerseys can you wear at one time? And still pedal.

  33. Comment by Heber Chad | 09.27.2011 | 1:14 pm

    Maybe you could send them to Johan to give to the folks in Africa with their new bikes? Or maybe give them away to random people who comment on the blog….who happed to be XL and wish they found you you years ago so they could have a more complete collection of FC gear. (In particular the painted jersey…love that one) Even though I wear XL and would be happy to meet you at the top of the Alpine Loop without any jersey (ack that would be frightning and painful since I just suck at climbing) and wear whatever random one you brought. I’m thinking more about your other addoring fans who would fit the same mold. Just Sayin.

  34. Comment by MikeTK949 | 09.27.2011 | 1:46 pm

    Am I seeing things? I count 7 rows of 9 jerseys for a total of 63….you could wear a different one every day, and a second every night to sleep in, and still have at least one left over after a month.

  35. Comment by Kathy McElhaney | 09.27.2011 | 1:49 pm

    I need to count my husband’s jerseys… This will come in handy the next time he complains about a new pair of shoes.

    I believe that it is perfectly fair for you to have 1 shoe for every jersey he owns, and a pair of shoes for every pair of shorts he owns. - FC

  36. Comment by The Bike Nazi | 09.27.2011 | 1:54 pm

    Ha ha! You are just like me! Don’t feel ashamed. I have only been riding for a few years, so I have less then you do, but I have a lot for the short time I’ve been riding. I built up the supply so I could ride everyday for a week within the first 6 months of riding. I often go into the basement and appreciate all my bike clothes and supplies.

    Oh, and between my husband and myself, we have enough mountain bike tires to stock a bike shop.


  37. Comment by Eric L | 09.27.2011 | 1:56 pm

    I suffer a similar affliction. So many jerseys, so little time to wear them all.

    Leroy’s right about the magic qualities of Fat Cyclist jerseys. My old ones are really loose on me now.

    I will share this photo with my darling wife so she knows there’s someone in the world who’s got more gear than me.

    …then I’ll order that retro Molteni jersey I’ve been wanting…

    Fatty to make this really complete as a compare & contrast, I’d like to see a picture of your closet.

  38. Comment by Drew | 09.27.2011 | 2:08 pm

    Fatty, am I going insane or is the jersey you’re wearing a full zip whereas the Twin Six site lists a 16” zip?

    Is this the fearless leader edition, or something?

    Either way, it looks sharp.

    This is one of those cases where a mistake turns out great. The jerseys were supposed to be 3/4 zip, but were made full-zip. I couldn’t be happier with the error. Hearing the same thing from others. – FC

  39. Comment by MikeTK949 | 09.27.2011 | 2:42 pm

    Sorry – I read the article way too fast :)I just saw the part where you didn’t have one for every day of the month.

    By my experience, you have 5 – 8 years worth of jerseys – two FC jerseys, four to five charity rides, and several centuries every year until you start to forget what some of them were for. And as someone already mentioned, you usually get 2 – 3 t-shirts for every jersey.

  40. Comment by Orbea Girl | 09.27.2011 | 2:54 pm

    Excellent, photographic proof that you did received the Astana jersey signed by Alex. I’m so glad it arrived safely.

    That is quite a collection but in your defence you have been riding for some time and I’m also guessing some of the shirts were freebies.

    My Swiss friend has a separate wardrobe for his very extensive collection of matching shirts and bibshorts. In some cases, he also has the matching casual kit. You’ll be pleased to learn, although I appreciate that it may be of little consolation to The Hammer, that your collection is one-tenth of the size of his. In addition, kit of which he has tired gets sent to Burkina Faso.

  41. Comment by Chris | 09.27.2011 | 3:38 pm

    Having too many jerseys/shorts is never a problem. My ex-wife used to compain about all my bikes and gear (including dozens of jerseys). Sinse she refused to ride/workout I told her I would gladly sell everything and take the money to go buy heroin. Thought maybe she’d see there are worse problems than having a TON of cycling gear. Worked out easier to divorce her and find a good women with a sweet carbon bike…

  42. Comment by Chris | 09.27.2011 | 3:39 pm

    I need a spellchecker…

  43. Comment by JitteryWheel | 09.27.2011 | 4:28 pm

    Nice! I have the Brian Head 100 jersey too! I wish that race would come back. I really enjoyed doing that one.

    Me too. Really great course. – FC

  44. Comment by coco | 09.27.2011 | 4:54 pm

    yeah, but i bet at any given time not all jerseys fit… i’m guessing they span a few sizes and thus are prob. really a much smaller effective wardrobe (as in right now you are a size (?M?) and thus can chose from only 10? 20? 30? jerseys or something)

    You’re very perceptive. A lot of these — the size L and the few XLs — are stored out of main rotation for that very reason. – FC

  45. Comment by Justin L. | 09.27.2011 | 5:18 pm

    Well Twin six was getting me my fat cyclist jersey in time for this weekend, however, my ankle was broken at work last night. I can’t get a break this month. Needless to say, i won’t be riding the fondo. I am totally bummed out. I was really looking forward to hanging out with Elden and everyone this time, since i cut out after davis. Needless to say, i am extremely upset since i won’t get to ride or get my goodie bag and commerative shirt. Elden make sure to get video again or some good pictures to rub it in. At least i have a nice package from twin six this week to stare at and motivate me to get healed faster. If i am feeling better, i might try to drive up with my left foot and ring some cowbells for the fatty’s riding. Crutches suck!!!!!!!!

    Oh, that sucks. I’m so sorry to hear that, Justin. Keep us posted on how you’re doing, OK? – FC

  46. Comment by ricky | 09.27.2011 | 5:53 pm

    watch out for your mother and sisters. they might turn your collection into another wall quilt.

  47. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 09.27.2011 | 6:15 pm

    Justin: you are definitely wanted at the Gran Fondo, cowbells and all. No pie this time, sorry. My plan is Avocados and fixin’s so Fatty can do his Ron Popiel Act.
    How can we ride without a pie reward? How ’bout a coconut cake from Comforts (Yann you know Comforts don’t you?) Guacamole goes with Cake doesn’t it? Do we like cake?

    For the Jersey question I like the idea of a worthy cause: How about a display case at the Bicycling Hall of Fame in Davis. You are a star there now!

    Lastly I believe Fatty should have his own page (or his own chapter) in this new book. Or maybe we should start sending Fatty the book. One for each Jersey.
    And the story:

    If he doesn’t maybe we can start a campaign to get him included in the Second Edition. Now where is that publisher’s website…..

  48. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 09.27.2011 | 6:17 pm

    Maybe this?


  49. Comment by AK_Chick | 09.27.2011 | 6:54 pm

    At david-marin, I LOVE coconut. I LOVE avocados. I LOVE cake. Too bad I won’t be at the Gran Fondo this weekend! :) Sadly, I haven’t heard anything about avocados, pie, cake, or anything for Austin. Looks like our small Team Fatty as raised enough for a complimentary team tent…

    On the jersey front, I feel way behind. I only have 5: 1 blk/pink Fatty, 1 white/pink Fatty, 1 Novara, 1 Bike MS, 1 Alaska Fireweed Race jersey. I have 1 pair of bib shorts (Fatty!) and three pairs of reg shorts. I don’t wear the bib shorts often cause unless it’s above 65, I’ll freeze. I’m an Alaskan girl – born and raised, but I’m a wimp. Didn’t think I’d like bibs, but I do though my yoga cut novara bike shorts are my favs. This maybe TMI, but I have to pee a lot when I ride and having to pull off bib shorts while peeing in the woods isn’t a good thing.

    After seeing Elden’s collection, I feel behind. I sniff a Mellow Johnny’s jersey in my future when I visit Austin next month. :)

  50. Comment by FatboyTrysATri | 09.27.2011 | 7:31 pm

    Got my Fat Cyclist kit in the mail on Friday, wore it on the weekend group ride the next day. I loved it, and the bibs are my favoritest pair of shorts ever!

    PS: I own 3 Jerseys, 1 Tri-top, 2 Bib shorts, 1 regular cycling shorts, and 1 tri-short(s). It all works out!

  51. Comment by Charlie | 09.27.2011 | 7:41 pm

    Am I seeing Assos bibs among the collection?

    Nope. The Vinokourov-signed Kazakhstan jersey is the only piece of Assos gear I own. And I’ve never worn it. – FC

  52. Comment by BamaJim | 09.27.2011 | 8:22 pm

    When my new fat cyclist jersey arrived last week (very nice by the way), I was wondering if I was accumulating too many jerseys. Now, thanks to your excellent post, I can see that in fact I have way too few.

    Thanks for clarifying this!

  53. Comment by Hergules | 09.27.2011 | 8:30 pm

    2 words Fatty….. “Yard Sale”

  54. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 09.27.2011 | 8:58 pm

    @Comment by AK_Chick | 09.27.2011 | 6:54 pm

    In Austin it’s Chili! (a food, not the temperature) Probably need to find out who’s the ’site’ leader down there and, oh! make sure someone brings some Lammies! The Austinites know where to get them.

    @Comment by ricky | 09.27.2011 | 5:53 pm
    Kinda like the ‘quilt’ idea. Is this limited to Fatty and his family, or can any spouse clean out the closet and send a legion of favorite jerseys that way? (just need to know if I should get a lock for my closet)

  55. Comment by rogarr | 09.27.2011 | 8:58 pm

    I see my Twinlab Tour of Utah jersey I lost to you a few years ago. Any chance I can win that back in a new challenge?

  56. Comment by Erin | 09.27.2011 | 9:07 pm

    My husband’s only observation? “He doesn’t have any gloves.” Apparently that’s his way either justifying his 15 pairs of riding gloves or masking his disappointment that he does not have a jersey collection the size of yours…yet…

  57. Comment by daness40 | 09.27.2011 | 9:56 pm

    Man…I catch flak from my wife because I want another jersey. I’ve been cycling for two years now and only have two jerseys and two shorts. What am I doing wrong? How do you get away with purchasing these? And if you’re not purchasing them, what’s your secret there??!!

  58. Comment by Duncan Gray | 09.28.2011 | 12:18 am

    With this extensive selection to choose from, why do the same ones turn up time and time again?

    And they look rather sad and deflated spread out like that. With the retail sector collapsing keep your eye out for some old shop mannequins and buy a truckload. Then you can display them properly around the house :-) How could anyone object to that?

  59. Comment by Cookster | 09.28.2011 | 2:18 am

    I have an annual 100km event comming up next weekend (9th) and here’s hoping that my FC gear shows up in time, else I may just have to wear the new work cycling gear (more cycling more often). Also, I have managed to source a local distributer for “Stinger Honey Waffles” will have to talk loudly about then during the ride.

    You could always auction off some of you jersys and donate the proceeds to http://www.conquercancer.org.au (rider name Colin Campbell)

  60. Comment by bacmapei | 09.28.2011 | 6:12 am

    Is the Tour de Donut jersey missing? Maybe I need to sharpen my “Where’s Waldo” skills. Very impressive spread.

  61. Comment by Ricardo | 09.28.2011 | 6:54 am

    I just got my Fatty kit two days ago in an already cold Finland! No days left to actually wear it outside for everyone to enjoy the magnificent work of FatC and TwinSix. I will, however, wear it indoors in the trainer for the wife to enjoy!

  62. Comment by Hunter | 09.28.2011 | 8:55 am

    Since I now see that I am obviously jersey poor (and flat out poor overall if you really get down to it), you have lost so much weight, and I am still significantly bigger than you, I am willing to do a favor for you. I will help your case against the hammer, and help raise funds for World Bicycle Relief (!!!) (and leave you with room to add a jersey to your closet that actualy fits you) by letting you donate a large jersey to my closet. BUT! I am not going to let you just donate a large jersey to my closet, I will only allow you to do so if I can finish in the top 10 of your leaderboard for the month of October. Oh, and I will have to make it with half points since my garmin broke back in May. But, I only do this because I love you so.

  63. Comment by Demonic1 | 09.28.2011 | 9:50 am

    I disagree- the best jersey was the first one.
    The new one looks like a webpage with a white banner across the top- but no content in the orange field.

    and yes- clearly you need more bibshorts :)

  64. Comment by GJ Jackie | 09.28.2011 | 10:23 am

    Wow. I’m a girl with one-tenth of your collection. Something’s wrong here. How many jersey’s does the Hammer have?

  65. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » I Can’t Even Count the Times… | 11.27.2011 | 9:17 pm

    [...] many jerseys have I owned? How many socks? How many bottles? I have quite a few jerseys right now. But I certainly haven’t kept all of them. And for every two jerseys, I probably a [...]


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