Why You Should Want to Ride With Me

11.16.2011 | 9:02 am

The good people at Bicycling Magazine are currently conducting their Readers’ Choice survey, the results of which will appear in their March 2012 issue.

It is very important that you go and take that survey. Right now. Your very future — and my ego — may depend on it.

“Why does your ego depend upon it?” you ask, completely ignoring the part about your future, because you know that I am prone to hyperbole.

Here’s why.

One Very Important Question

The Readers’ Choice survey starts out innocuously enough, asking you what your gender is — though, laughably, the options are limited to a mere two. It then goes on to asking you about what brands of bikes you own, how many people you’ve introduced to cycling, what you do when you get a flat tire, and so forth.

The whole thing takes about three minutes, and it’s good clean fun.

But. But. When you get to the final question — question 20 — the survey takes a turn for the utmost seriousness:


“From each pull-down menu, choose the cyclist you’d most like to ride with,” you are instructed. And there, in the very last drop down menu — Personalities — you will find the following:

Enlarged to show detail.  

Yes, there — tucked unobtrusively as one of the middle options, as if they wanted to hide it — is “Fat Cyclist.”

No matter what else you do in that survey, you must select this option. Not to gratify my vanity and ego — although that is also a good and sufficient reason for you to choose me — but because the other choices are all completely horrible.

I shall explain why.

Frankie Andreu

I have never met Frankie Andreu, but by all accounts he is a nice guy. He’s a former pro and a sometimes-commentator for pro cycling events, so he undoubtedly has some great stories to tell.

But you absolutely, positively do not want to ride with him.   

For one thing, he’s 45 years old. Which means he’s currently in the throes of a serious mid-life crisis. And when you combine a mid-life crisis with Frankie’s best-known role in the pro peloton — that of a super domestique — you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Frankie will almost certainly be looking to reinvent himself. To resolve unfinished business. To scratch an itch that’s been there for 22 years.

To, in short, never ever ever let anyone finish ahead of him, ever again.

So he would ride you into the ground. He would point at every sign, every telephone pole, and yell “intermediate sprint!” and then take off, leaving you in the dust. When you caught back up with him, he would laugh at you and say, “That’s another one for me! 29-0!”

And he would demand you call him “sir.”

Also, bear in mind that Frankie was once the director of Rock Racing. And while it is admirable that he quit, the fact remains: he was once the willing leader of the most absurd pro team in the history of the universe.

For that he must be punished. Forever.

And finally, you don’t want to ride with Frankie Andreu because you’ll have to tell people you rode with someone named “Frankie,” and everyone will wonder why you’re talking about going riding with a six-year-old.

Bike Snob NYC

You do not want to ride with Bike Snob NYC (BSNYC to his friends). For one thing, he will demand that you ride with him in New York City, where you will most assuredly be t-boned, run-over, mugged, and have your bike stolen.

In that order.

During the first five minutes of the ride.

Furthermore, because BSNYC is very protective of his privacy, he always wears a mask when riding. This would not be such a big deal except that mask covers his mouth and makes it almost impossible to understand what he is saying. Your conversation would go something like this:

You: Hey, I really like your blog. How do you manage to write 9,000 words per day?

BSNYC: wart mmm hmmmprlf munkffm vurrtle.

You: I beg your pardon?


Believe me, after a while that gets tiresome.

But that’s not even the main reason you do not want to ride with BSNYC. The main reason you don’t want to ride with him is because the following day, he will write about you.

And then you’ll never be able to leave your home again.

Phil Liggett

There is absolutely no reason you would not want to ride with Phil Liggett. The fact is, he is incredibly smart and has an infinite number of great stories to tell. He’s friendly, and a strong rider.

But you should still not choose him in this survey. Why? Because Paul Sherwen isn’t even listed as an option.

If Phil wins, it’s going to get back to Paul. And then Paul’s going to get depressed, and then he’ll start to sulk. On air. Like this:

Phil: And there goes Leipheimer! Ever since he got that new hairpiece he is riding like a man half his age!

Paul: Pfff.

Phil: Excuse me, Paul? Did you say something?

Paul: No.

Phil: Well, what do you think of Leipheimer and his new hair?

Paul: I don’t know, why don’t you go and ride with him and ask? I understand you’re very popular and people want to ride with you.

Phil: It’s been three years since that silly survey, Paul. Are you still upset about that?

Paul: Leave me alone.

For the sake of Phil and Paul’s relationship, as well as for the sake of continued excellent on-air commentary, please do not vote for Phil.

Bob Roll

Consider this for a moment: Bob sat right beside Al Trautwig for like three Tours. And he never took the opportunity to punch him in the throat.

For that crime, Bob must pay.

Also, if you slight him in some way, he’ll intentionally mispronounce your name for the rest of your life.

TdF Devil Didi Senft

Leaving aside the impossibility of pronouncing the consonants “nft” together without sounding like you’ve suppressed a sneeze, there are three very important things you should know about Didi Senft:

  1. He never showers. On principle. Teeth brushing is right out, as well.
  2. He does not know how to ride a bike.
  3. He will ask you to loan him $50, but he has no intention of repaying you.

Fat Cyclist

So, really, that leaves me. You’ve got to choose me by default.

But that’s not the only reason to choose me as the “personality” you would most like to ride with. No indeed.

If we rode together, you see, I would bring snacks. Your favorite snacks.

If there were a headwind, I would pull my share of the time, and possibly even more often.

I would regale you with entertaining stories. I would practice those stories ahead of time, honing my storytelling craft for your maximum enjoyment.

I would listen with rapt attention to your stories, and ask many follow-up questions, to show that I was paying attention and would like to know more.

I would express interest in your tattoo, and would not ridicule it, at all.

I would show you my favorite rides. The ones so good I don’t even talk about them in this blog.

So. Please. Go and take that survey, and choose me. For your own good.

PS: In question 7, be sure to choose Other, and write in “Honey Stinger Waffles.” Because it’s true.

PPS: In question 20, in the “Elite Men” drop-down, be sure to choose “Levi Leipheimer,” or he says he’ll beat me up.


  1. Comment by Justin L | 11.16.2011 | 9:28 am

    I saw the survey link at the start and took that survey and then read the rest of the post. Funny, when i got to the bottom, i say Stinger Waffles and Levi. My choices……. Lance would just take off with his buddies before the start of the ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fat cyclist, Levi, and stinger waffles, what a dream date!!!!!!

  2. Comment by Justin L | 11.16.2011 | 9:29 am

    Damn typos………..you get the point.

  3. Comment by Deuce | 11.16.2011 | 9:30 am

    I dunno Fatty…I would choose you but can you sweeten the pot a little? Will you help me with my Power Face? A professional critique would be awesome!

  4. Comment by Rob W | 11.16.2011 | 9:45 am

    Fatty, The voting is done! Come ride with us on May 19, 2012 in the Rupert Century …..sponsored by S.I.C.K. Southern Idaho Cycling Klub !! It would be awesome…….great cycling community here!

  5. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.16.2011 | 9:53 am

    For your ego’s sake, be thankful ‘THE HAMMER’ was not a choice.

    I read this a little quickly. When does this contest end, and what kind of bicycle is the Grand Prize. (maybe the Fatty SuperFly 100 since it’s short a wheel).

  6. Comment by Geo | 11.16.2011 | 9:54 am

    I would only ride with you if your favorite rides you don’t talk about are all downhill. See, I haven’t been riding much lately and live in a very, very flat area (like 150 feet total climbing in a 30 mile ride, seriously).

    I will vote for you if you promise to bring a box of Honey Stinger waffles.

    I will vote for Levi as well because I really don’t want to see you in a headlock again.

  7. Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 11.16.2011 | 9:59 am

    Sorry, Fatty, but I went with Jens because (a) it’s Jens and (b) as a bonus, we will get to see more pics of Levi with you in a headlock.

  8. Comment by Mark in Ottawa | 11.16.2011 | 10:02 am

    Done and done…except I went for Tommy Voeckler…because really, that guys personifies what it means to suffer on a bike…and love it.

    I’d love to go on a long ride with you up those Utah hills…maybe one day when all the stars align.

    Mark (in Ottawa, Canada)

  9. Comment by ClydeinKS | 11.16.2011 | 10:03 am

    I saw and completed the survey on Monday but must admit the survey missed on a couple points: 1. Fatty is placed in the wrong category, would’ve been more appropriately positioned in “cycling celebrities” 2. Comedian Mastermind was not listed under the favorite cycling book category – although I know your book will go to the top of the list I had to choose BikeSnobNYC because it’s my most recent read and there wasn’t a write in option!
    Another bike prize would be awesome but a drawing for a box of stinger waffles could be a good consolation!
    Jeff D

  10. Comment by Steven | 11.16.2011 | 10:19 am

    I already voted for you yesterday! And with all due respect to Levi, I picked Jens.

  11. Comment by NYCCarlos | 11.16.2011 | 10:23 am

    Sorry dude… I picked Jens too. Looks like you’ve got another headlock in your future.

    Also, you were a little harsh on the realities of riding in NYC. Those are much more likely to happen in the LAST 5 minutes of your ride…

  12. Comment by TK | 11.16.2011 | 10:26 am

    My picks (and reasons for doing so):
    Levi (nice guy)
    Chrissie (nice gal)
    Gisele (nice frame)
    Fatty (just plain nice)

  13. Pingback by Why You Should Want to Ride With Me | TheNewsChef | 11.16.2011 | 10:27 am

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  14. Comment by Katie | 11.16.2011 | 10:36 am

    HA! Your post was so funny, I filled out the survey even though I haven’t been on a bike since I wiped out on my Schwinn 1-speed when I was 10. I had to make up some of the answers…

  15. Comment by CRSonic | 11.16.2011 | 10:41 am

    Done and done…
    Although it managed to point out that I have a little bit of bike obsession… hmmmmm.

  16. Comment by Dave Hansen | 11.16.2011 | 10:43 am

    after the first section, before i even read the whole blog, i took the survey…didn’t even need to know what your reasons were for voting for you – it was a no brainer! but i did vote for George Hincapie as the Pro i’d most like to ride with – sorry, Levi…

  17. Comment by KM | 11.16.2011 | 10:43 am

    Ok, I picked you and I didn’t even read your reasons to ignore the other choices. Although If BSNYC brought along his helper monkey I migh be persuaded otherwise. But who wants to risk life, limb and probable mugging in NYC when you can ride the Alpine Loop or some other rocking trail out of your backyard?

    However I did not pick all of your choices and here’s why, first, I’ve never had a Stinger Honey Waffle, you write about them ad nauseum and even show your friends enjoying them (although I wonder what that one friend of your’s was thinking about while eating that waffle in your post earlier this week….shudder). But I’ve never had one so I went with my preferred choice energy gels. (Margarita flavored Clif Shots if you need to know)

    Also when choosing a pro male to ride with, the God of Thunder Thor is the obvious choice…I mean do I have to explain this to you? “Thor” hello??? You don’t see Leipenheimer putting anyone named Thor in a headlock now do you? IMHO if Thor totally destroyed you on a ride who cares??!! You just got dusted by Thor! BTW, if you get a photo of Leipenheimer putting Thor in a headlock….I’ll retract my choice of riding with you….maybe.(I’m very non-committal on this)

    Finally, you didn’t post a choice for female cyclist….my choice would have been Julie Furtado I mean she’s the reigning queen of MTB, IMHO. But she wasn’t there so I picked some random name. And for celebrity, I didn’t have good choice so I picked Tom Brady. I dont’ really know why. Also if you win…how about choosing someone to have an actual RIDE with you and the Hammer…and even members of the core team, make it a party and go someplace cool. You have the superpower of asking for things…….

  18. Comment by John A | 11.16.2011 | 10:49 am

    Done. However, although it would have taken 3 minutes it ended up taking 12. Since I don’t know any famous female riders, I had to Google all of them. At first, I was simply going to pick the hottest (very non-PC of me, but it would have taken hours to learn about all of them). But, Chrissie Wellington was rocking a huge smile in every picture and looked so damn nice and fun, I had to go with her (and, yes, she is hot).

  19. Comment by CRSonic | 11.16.2011 | 10:59 am

    Also, I like snacks.

    And who doesn’t? – FC

  20. Comment by Lorraine | 11.16.2011 | 11:00 am

    I would have voted for you anyway, but the snack bribe won me over. Maybe I’d finally get to try a Honey Stinger Waffle (they don’t seem to exist here in Germany)

    And I, too, picked Jens over Levi. They’re probably the two nicest pros in cycling, but Jens is closer and if I impress him enough, then maybe I’d get to ride with him more and that would help my German learning efforts as well…

  21. Comment by m burdge | 11.16.2011 | 11:08 am

    Is the ‘Paul’ in Bob Roll’s category supposed to read ‘Bob?’

    Yes! Fixed. And thanks. – FC

  22. Comment by Dario | 11.16.2011 | 11:13 am

    Also, NYPD will ticket you after your 5 minutes of hell.

  23. Comment by Bee | 11.16.2011 | 11:37 am

    I choose Fatty only because they did not give me the Hammer as an option. But she should know that she is my total bike-girl-crush these days. I show my husband Hammer blog posts and tell him I want to be like her.

    I bet the Hammer would also bring great snacks. Ooooo, wouldn’t that be a dream ride? The Hammer and a bunch of bike girls… and Fatty as our domestique.

    Fatty, you ROCK with these sorts of great ideas!

  24. Comment by Christina | 11.16.2011 | 11:38 am

    Oh my gosh. I snorted when I read the Bob Roll section. We used to joke about Al’s commentary:

    “Bob, it appears they are moving their feet around in circles. Can you explain that?”

    “Yes, Al. It’s called ‘pedaling’.”

    Voted, but had to go with George Hincapie. He’s a favorite of mine and when he passed me at the USA Pro Cycling Challenge this year at Rabbit Ears Pass, I shrieked his name in a decibel I can’t recreate and he smiled. I’d like to meet him and say his name in a normal voice.

  25. Comment by gfurry | 11.16.2011 | 11:44 am

    OK I picked you. I have to say you are lucky Giselle was not in your category.

  26. Comment by roan | 11.16.2011 | 11:46 am

    Will do the survey AND for my own good, will choose you.
    But the person I would really want to ride with is…Kenny J.
    Not that I could ever keep up up him, but I was at LineStrong in Davis & will be again so I sorta crossed you off my bucket list.
    Say maybe with my next purchase of a fatcyclist jersey, with your connections to really cool, tough as nails cyclists and multi-finishers (on single speed bikes) of Leadville you could get Kenny J. to sign it ?

  27. Comment by Charlie | 11.16.2011 | 11:47 am

    Oops….I picked George H. I hope Levi doesn’t do a number on you for that.

  28. Comment by Liz | 11.16.2011 | 12:09 pm

    Okay, I voted for you — I do think Wildcat Rock Machine would also be a fascinating person to ride with, but you are right that he would probably make fun of me on his blog. Plus, he likes to give that air of nonchalance like he doesn’t care whether we vote for him, or that he even knows the survey exists, while you are willing to bribe us with snacks. I made it up to him by voting for his book.

  29. Comment by centurion | 11.16.2011 | 12:27 pm

    As much as I would like to see you in a head lock again(with a cool “head lock face”), I picked Levi. Jens was close.
    But sorry, I had to go with Phil, just to hear him say “he’s dancing on the pedals!” in person(and hope he was talking about me(fat chance)).

  30. Comment by Clancy | 11.16.2011 | 12:53 pm

    So… I ran off and completed the survey BEFORE reading the entire post. When I got to the Personalities section I dutifully select Fatty, but in my mind I was already thinking – “Really? I have to choose Fatty over Phil & Bob? … Really!?!?” – so I came back here all full of ideas on how I was going to explain the incredible sacrifice I made to vote for you over Phil & Bob. But then I read the post. And you convinced me. I should have voted for Bob. :-)

  31. Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 11.16.2011 | 12:54 pm

    HUGE laughs over “And there goes Leipheimer! Ever since he got that new hairpiece he is riding like a man half his age!” and “Leaving aside the impossibility of pronouncing the consonants “nft” together without sounding like you’ve suppressed a sneeze”. :-D

    Voted for ya.

    And I also decided I would give up a month of sex rather than a month of cycling. Don’t tell my wife.

  32. Comment by ScottR | 11.16.2011 | 1:26 pm

    I had to go with George Hincapie as well. Levi seems too violent.

    It was hard to decide between you, Bob and Phil… but I did as instructed.

    I simply wouldn’t want to read what the ‘Snob would say about my riding ability (or lack thereof). Plus the whole mugging thing.

  33. Comment by Cali_Lady | 11.16.2011 | 1:37 pm

    Ok, Bicycling Magazine survey completed! I loved the question, “Would you rather give up a month of sex or a month of cycling?”. Hmmmm. Since I’m currently a fat single person, there’s clearly not enough of EITHER going on! Haha!

  34. Comment by Marco | 11.16.2011 | 1:48 pm

    Done, but also had to go with Jens. And the last paragraph about Frankie made me laugh out loud. Thanks!

  35. Comment by Eric L | 11.16.2011 | 1:57 pm

    Had to go with George H too. Fatty, Levi’s a 90 lb. weakling. You’re a father and former caregiver. You could probably punch Levi through a garage door.

    …not that you would or anything…unless provoked by a headlock.

    I’ve seen Didi riding not only gigantic bikes he’s made himself, but also one of Omega-Pharma-Lotto’s bikes. Sorry Fatty, I hadda pick the Tour Devil. He’s old and wealthy, you’re young and soon to be a NYT Best Selling author. Simply put, I’ve got more time and more opportunities to ride with you than with Didi.

    Well, I’d say your likelihood of riding with me just went down a good deal. – FC

  36. Comment by BZ | 11.16.2011 | 2:11 pm

    Done… decided I’d rather ride with Fatty but drink with Bob Roll. And can we get Gisele to ride with us?

  37. Comment by AK Chick | 11.16.2011 | 2:20 pm

    Well, that was annoying. Chris Horner wasn’t an option for the elite men. WTF? And my choice for elite women isn’t a road biker but a mountain biker so I had to go with the only person I’m really familair with – Christie Wellington. I did pick Fatty as my personality. Actually, I’d pick Fatty over any of the celebrity or elite men and women hand’s down. Unless Chris Horner was a choice. Then I’d have to go with Chris. Sorry Fatty. :) Also, I completely spaced the Honey Stinger question. Oops. I don’t eat them. I’m a Hammer Perpeteum gal all the way. LOVE that stuff. Have yet to try the waffles – they are EXPENSIVE!

  38. Comment by AK Chick | 11.16.2011 | 2:22 pm

    Also, I want to know where GEO lives so I can move there. Seriously, 150 feet of climing in 30 miles? That’s my dream! Nothing is flat in Alaska!

  39. Comment by AK Chick | 11.16.2011 | 2:29 pm

    And finally, I picked Mark Cavendish. I can’t believe no one picked him. The guy is a hoot. He is probably super hysterical after you get a beer or two in him. Plus, he’s cute. :) Hey, everyone is talking about how hot Gisele is (seriously? that girl is all bones, no meat on her and she’s not really athletic).

  40. Comment by NYCCarlos | 11.16.2011 | 2:35 pm

    Why was Liz Hatch not on the women’s list?

  41. Comment by LauraS | 11.16.2011 | 2:43 pm

    Kristin Armstrong
    and Fatty!

  42. Comment by rabidrunner | 11.16.2011 | 3:09 pm

    Wait… you didn’t say who we should pick for the elite woman. Please tell me who to pick. I can’t think for myself. (‘Sides, I’ve been riding with the Hammer (Lisa not Sarah.) What ride with which Elite Woman could trump that?!)

  43. Comment by Bo | 11.16.2011 | 3:24 pm

    I enter Stinger Waffles when they send me a free case.

    Oh, it’s always about you, isn’t it? – FC

  44. Comment by AngieG | 11.16.2011 | 3:30 pm

    Survey done

    You are a genius!! Of course Honey Stinger waffles are an obvious choice. I keep a box in my office to snack on during all nighters. Best snack food every, I’m thinking I could use them as pie crust. No fooling, sounds delicious yes?

    Levi-obvious choice as well. Only because he’s still not happy about the Fondo race plate switching incident. He’s been very short with me ever since. Wait, that might not have anything to do with the race plates…hmmmm He did give me the stealy stare the last time I saw him so I’ve been watching my back.

    I chose you, but have to stop calling me Dave.

    Good Luck!

    I promise, Dave. – FC

  45. Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 11.16.2011 | 4:02 pm

    @AK Chick: I know a paved trail here in Florida that is 29 miles long with only 14 feet of elevation gain. :-)

    It’s actually a good trail to train on because you can never coast.

  46. Comment by rokrider | 11.16.2011 | 4:49 pm

    You had my vote right up to the point where I discovered that I’d have to get a tattoo just to ride with you.

  47. Comment by AK Chick | 11.16.2011 | 5:11 pm

    @Bryan Sounds awesome! Sunshine, warm temps, flat road! Who needs to coast? :) 14 feet of elevation gain. Jaw drop. Lightbulb!

    Also, apologies to Fatty. I obviously don’t read/take directions well since I voted for Cav. However, I’m weak, what can I say. I already got to meet Levi and he didn’t seem that tough to me. ;-) I’m sure you’ll be fine…Fatty? Fatty?

  48. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.16.2011 | 6:16 pm

    @AKChick Wife#1 was also upset about no Chris Horner. But c’mon Mark Cavendish cute???? George is cute and speaks english. At least you could have a conversation with him.

    And AngieG…. Levi’s been short with you? He’s as tall as he’s going to get, you’ll just have to deal with it.

  49. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 11.16.2011 | 6:40 pm

    I liked the “Rocking the rearview mirror” choice on the Fashion Statement question because I caught myself looking at them one time in the bike shop then shuddering with disgust. I’d rather be run over by a Semi.

  50. Comment by Mike from Melbourne | 11.16.2011 | 6:42 pm

    A ride with Fatty and Giselle Bundchen, sounds like heaven

  51. Comment by MtlDan | 11.16.2011 | 6:46 pm

    Done. I followed orders, except I voted for Jens. If Levi gets you in a headlock, just reach up and pull the wool (or whatever they make rugs out of these days) over his eyes, then wail on him. Basic hockey fight tactics.

  52. Comment by David | 11.16.2011 | 7:37 pm

    Chrissie Wellington is listed in the ‘elite women’ category, but no male triathletes are on the ‘elite men’ list. Sad.

  53. Comment by Anonymous | 11.16.2011 | 7:50 pm

    Done, I put it on my todo list, now I’ve crossed it off. Now what can I do between now and March?

  54. Comment by adventureswithdelilah | 11.16.2011 | 9:03 pm

    Apologies to Levi but I voted for Cavendish.

  55. Comment by Carl | 11.16.2011 | 9:06 pm

    I have ridden with you already… but I still picked you. I also picked Levi, because I don’t know how many punches to the throat are too many.

  56. Comment by Marty | 11.16.2011 | 9:45 pm

    I didn’t know any of the elite female riders…so I chose the one whose surname is Hammer – I just pretended that her first name was ‘The’

    I think it’s sad that very few of us know many / any of the elite female riders. Maybe I should set up some online interviews. – FC

  57. Comment by roan | 11.16.2011 | 9:50 pm

    I voted ! And this time I hope I got something right for a change. Luv to read & reread your posts, kills the time clock at work.
    I do think you used a wrong word in this post though.
    Your ego and prone to hyperbole…sheesh…there’s another one, your ego never is prone.
    I think the word that fits you is hyperpreturbedbolero. A rapid stamping of your feet.

  58. Comment by Six | 11.16.2011 | 9:56 pm

    Done. Sorry Fatty, I chose Jens. I’d love to ride with Levi but I loves me some tough guy Jens (and he’s a bit closer to my age). The man is made out of rawhide and suffering.

  59. Comment by Miles Archer | 11.16.2011 | 10:09 pm

    OOh, i’ve met you and I haven’t met Bob Roll. I might vote for him.

  60. Comment by Wife# 1 | 11.16.2011 | 10:48 pm

    Okay other than the WTF about Horner not being on the list(harumph), I had to go with Handy Andy, though one of my thighs is probably wider than his whole body so the idea of actually cycling with him is pretty frightening. Then again I think I’m taller than Levi and I am not tall.

    Okay now that we’ve established that I’m a heffalump compared to any pro-cyclist… sigh….

    Fatty you were a shoe in for your category with me. I am surprised more people didn’t know much about the female cyclists – some great choices in there. I went with Kristin Armstrong, though Crissie Wellington was a close second because she had the greatest smile and was so awesome greeting the final finishers at the Kona Ironman. Loved watching her as I waited for Dustin to cross the line.

    With apologies to honey stinger, I chose bananas. I’d rather have a banana. There I said it.

    I’m contemplating a ride with Andy Schleck and Fatty together… now that would be a day to remember!

    Well, maybe a 5 seconds to remember, right at the start, before they dropped my ass heading up Col du galibier.


  61. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.17.2011 | 12:33 am

    Reading back through the posts: Check out Jim(hey, that’s MY Ibis)

    Comment by Jim aka Rumpled | 11.15.2011 | 12:49 pm

    Jim here aka Ibis Bike Winner!
    Thanks all for the positive thoughts, even if ended up winning your bike.
    On interwebs forums and such I go by Rumpled; odds are if you see that name on said interwebs it is probably me.
    As far as Hamilton on New Year’s – I won’t be able to make that as I now live in SoCal. Go ahead and go without me, though.

    He says he’ll be up here for Tour d Cure/Napa in May, and Levis Gran Fondo in September. Maybe we can get our bike back then. Or take him up to Pine Flat.


  62. Comment by zac_in_ak | 11.17.2011 | 12:47 am

    done! if you weren’t so funny I would have picked Phil! I didn’t pick Levi because I follow Taylor Phinney, and because Greg Lemond was not in the list (I’m pre lance to the biking world) Ak Chick is so right over 400′ elevation on my old commute and that was a short 8 mile flat(for AK)ride

  63. Comment by Jenni | 11.17.2011 | 8:40 am

    1. I teach cycling in NYC and you’re giving us a bad rep! It’s not like that people, I promise!!

    2. Why oh why was Rebecca Rusch not listed?!! I too voted for Hammer just based on her name.

  64. Comment by Mark | 11.17.2011 | 10:40 am

    Done a couple days ago, waiting to read comments. A glasses mounted rearview mirror has saved my butt more than once on solo, lonely backcountry roads and in heavy traffic – people stopped commenting on my “poor style” when I dropped them. Why wasn’t Jeannie Longo under elite female riders? Or Ned Overend under male? Anyone still winning national championships at “advanced” ages is definitely “elite”.

  65. Comment by AK Chick | 11.17.2011 | 10:56 am

    Wife#1: I’ve missed you!!! Seriously considering how I can come to Davis next year without husband blowing a gasket (I’d have to be on super budget if I came down as in stay in a tent or find a couch to crash on!). Can you believe that survey didn’t have Chris Horner on it? What are they thinking?

    davidh: Cav speaks proper English! :) Besides, I wouldn’t need him to talk. Unlike the skinny guys, he actually has a great, er, um, frame. :) So no talking would be necessary. However, I’d take Horner (in a platonic way over Cav or any of the other contenders in the elite catgory any day of the week). Actually, I wouldn’t take any of the other guys in a nonplatonic matter either. Happily married to the man that most women would kill to have. Hot AND spoils me rotten even though I don’t deserve it.

    Fatty: Please do interviews with some pro women. The only two I’m familiar with are Chrissie and Kristin. I’m more familiar with Chrissie though. I too would have picked Rebecca Rusch had she been a choice. The woman is AMAZING!

  66. Comment by AK Chick | 11.17.2011 | 10:56 am

    Also, jonesing for a new post. I was so sad when it was the same one from yesterday. No pressure..I know you’re busy.

  67. Comment by Dr. Lammler | 11.17.2011 | 11:25 am

    I’m not listed on the survey?


  68. Comment by 3d brian | 11.17.2011 | 12:04 pm

    Wow – I’ve been brainwashed by reading your blog – I voted for all of your suggestions before I even read your post.

    Although you do make a very very good point about not voting fro 45 year-olds hmmmm…. I suppose when according to the last online survey said 45ish year old looks anywhere from 25 to 79 maybe its ok.

    And you also make a good point of the risks of being blogged about by a smart-alleck blogger. Maybe I shouldn’t have voted for you after all…

  69. Comment by AngieG | 11.17.2011 | 12:08 pm

    @Davidh-marin-I think Levi’s size may put me at an advantage. Although I do believe he uses that as a decoy to lure unsuspecting adversaries into range and then…BAM! he attacks. I believe this is the key to his success. Kind of like Bruce Lee or those fish with the tongue that looks like a worm.

    As for Rumpled, he should not have taken my bike. He’s attending the Fondo is he…hmmmmmm. I suspect he may arrive with the Ibis, but he will not leave with the Ibis. MUUAAAGGGHHH HAAAA HAAAA

  70. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.17.2011 | 12:26 pm

    @AngieG He’s doing the Medio Fondo ( we should probably take the bike back just for that) But I think you are onto something. All we (I’m ‘in’ to help) need to do is work with the course Marshalls to send him on a ‘little’ detour, some route that will leave him so discouraged he’ll leave the bike at the side of the road and walk. It’s your neck of the woods, you have several months to plan, let me know.

    And for Levi…are you comparing himto an ‘Angler Fish’?

    Definitely a Power Face!

  71. Comment by Jennifer H. | 11.17.2011 | 3:16 pm

    I am not a cyclist, but I’m a big Fatty fan! I just completed the survey and randomly selected answers till the end, and then dutifully did as instructed. I am curious to see the results of this accurate survey.

  72. Comment by Eman | 11.17.2011 | 6:00 pm

    Sorry Fatty, I chose BSNYC. It’s only because I’ve been reading BSNYC’s blog for so long I’ve become a snob just like the author. Now I end up sneering at other riders for wearing Primal Wear jerseys or looking to Freddish. You would not like riding with me at all.

    I accept your apology. Let us not speak of it again. – FC

  73. Comment by NW Biker | 11.17.2011 | 6:39 pm

    Thor! Seriously. All I’d see of him after the first 30 days is the dust swirling in the air in his wake, but ahh, what a blissful 30 seconds they would be!

  74. Comment by Anonymous | 11.17.2011 | 6:45 pm

    Done and done! Go Fatty!

  75. Comment by evil3 | 11.17.2011 | 6:54 pm

    Sorry Fatty, but Jens > Levi. It’s a simple fact, and like said someplace in the responses, we would get to see Levi pown (that’s right, you just got powned) you that much more. So it is a win for me, twice.

  76. Comment by Nurse Betsy | 11.17.2011 | 7:54 pm

    Done and done…..except I had to pick Fabian. A girl needs a little eye candy after all.

  77. Comment by BamaJim | 11.17.2011 | 9:03 pm

    Voted for you, though Phil and Bob would also be fun. Levi got a vote as well. Otherwise my answers varied some. Nice to be reminded I’m a dork for sometimes using a mirror, but it does seem helpful in traffic.

  78. Comment by sdcadbiker | 11.17.2011 | 9:26 pm

    Done & done. Dude, you are _so_ vain! Had to disappoint you with the “Elite men” thing though; Fabian rules!

    I bet you think I think that song is about me. – FC

  79. Comment by Mandy from KS | 11.17.2011 | 9:58 pm

    Bad news. I would so ride with Bob Roll if given a chance. Sorry. He’s 1/2 the reason I loved watching the TdF every year.

  80. Comment by Kirstin Gumm | 11.18.2011 | 10:28 am

    You guys are right, Al Trautwig is a terrible cycling announcer

  81. Comment by Dan O | 11.18.2011 | 12:51 pm

    It was tough decision to vote for you vs. Didi.Then I realized Didi would make me ride one of his contraptions, so I picked you.

  82. Comment by spinecho | 11.18.2011 | 8:17 pm

    done (except my computer is so old the “write in ” function for the honey stinger waffles didnt work)

  83. Comment by Jacki | 11.22.2011 | 9:05 am

    I voted for you but I was torn. I met Phil and Paul in Steamboat in August and both are incredibly nice. Bob killed the nice guy myth by not smiling or talking to anyone. Out of the RV to do the interview and back in again.

    Levi is probably second but I had to go with Hincapie.

    I’m good with Honey Stinger Waffles but grab some of their chews, too, okay ?

  84. Comment by Lori Scheel | 11.22.2011 | 6:39 pm

    What kind of survey asks me to choose between cycling and sex? One or the other for 30 days? Seriously?

    I voted for you even though when I rode with you I received NO treats and you dropped me like Frankie apparently would! Wow…that says a lot about me, or you ;).

  85. Comment by Jeff Swenson | 11.24.2011 | 8:59 pm


    Favorite movie? No Rad? Really? Fatty, you’ve got to put some weight behind this injustice…


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