Year-End Question, Year-End Sale

12.27.2011 | 8:46 am

This is my last post for the year. I’m going to leave it up for a week or so, because it’s got a nice piece of news and a very interesting question.

Let’s start with the question.

Imagine a World…

I woke up last night with the strangest question running through my mind. I don’t remember whether the question came from a dream — I don’t remember having a dream.

But if that question did come from a dream, what a nightmare.

Anyway, here’s the question:

How would your life be different if there were no such thing as bicycles?

Take a minute to think about this question, then answer in the comments section. And no sneakily trying to worm your way around the substance of the question by answering something like, “I’d invent the bicycle.”

Also, no ridiculous drama, like, “I’d kill myself.” Because you wouldn’t. Just like you haven’t killed yourself over the lack of other amazing, life-improving things that somehow haven’t been invented (I’m looking at the empty space you should be occupying, metabolism-increasing pill).

So, just think about the question and consider what a universe without bicycles would mean to you personally.

I’ll look forward to reading your answer (and later in the day, I’ll post one of my own).

Comedian Mastermind: Post-Christmas / End-of-Year Sale

Maybe you were hoping to get a copy of my book, Comedian Mastermind: The Best of, for Christmas. Or maybe it just seemed too expensive. Or maybe you were waiting for some other reason.

In any case, there are literally billions of people on this earth who have not yet purchased a copy of my book. And that just breaks my heart.

So, for those of you who are on the fence, in spite of the (surprisingly?) good reviews and feedback this book has received, I’m having a sale on this book ’til the end of the year, both for the Kindle and paperback version:

Why am I doing this? Well, for a few reasons.

  1. I’m experimenting. Honestly, I don’t know much about publishing, price points, sales, and stuff like that. I’m trying different things and learning as I go. Hopefully, some things will work out well; I’ll do those things again.
  2. I want to sell a lot of books. For the past few days, the Kindle version of my book has been the top-selling Cycling e-book at I’ve done a screenshot to prove it and everything:
    That is pretty awesome (especially considering the other books in the list). However, in the overall Cycling Top-10 list (not just e-books), I haven’t been able to quite make it to the top:
    Yeah, I guess that’s what I get for helping promote Dr. Lim’s book, eh? Anyway, I’d like to see my book in the number 1 spot on both lists, just so I can make that claim. So, if you’ve been thinking of getting a copy of my book and just haven’t pulled the trigger, now would be a great time to do it.
  3. I think you’ll like it. Seriously, I’m really proud of this book, and I’m excited at how much people who have read it like it. And I have a hunch that if I give you a good deal on this book, then you buy it and read it, you’ll tell a couple friends, and maybe they’ll buy copies too.  

And then I’ll be one step further along in my big plan. And you’ll have helped me get there.

So thanks. Now go buy either the Kindle or Paperback version of my book. Now.

PS: Just in case you don’t come back before next week: Happy New Year! And thanks for being a part of this blog.

PPS: At least for an hour, early on Wednesday, December 28, Comedian Mastermind was at the top.


  1. Comment by Roger Whitney | 12.27.2011 | 9:05 am

    Happy New Year Fatty. Get your paper done and enjoy your week.

    Life w/o bicycles=life without quiet exploration, adventure, friends and worst of all Fatty’s wonderful neighborhood.

  2. Comment by art | 12.27.2011 | 9:06 am

    It would be easier to buy suit jackets, because my collar bones would be the same length.

  3. Comment by Tom | 12.27.2011 | 9:40 am

    Life without bicycles would be trouble for a lot of folks. You see, it was a group of well meaning bicyclists who lobbied Congress in the 1910’s and 1920’s for Federal funding for paving roads! The Good Roads movement it was called. No bicycles, no sweet smooth new asphalt to ride on! On a more personal scale, my bike has saved me from type II diabetes and high blood pressure with a side of heart disease! So I may well have died because I cannot STAND running!

  4. Comment by Noel | 12.27.2011 | 9:41 am

    Without bicycles, my legs would be sore from running.

  5. Comment by Sylvia | 12.27.2011 | 10:09 am

    More walking, camping, kayaking, and swimming. Maybe, I would have a carbon fiber kayak!

  6. Comment by centurion | 12.27.2011 | 10:20 am

    Just want to let you know, your book was a late addition to my Christmas list, my wife ordered it on Monday, and I opened it on Christmas morning. Great job getting it out so late, Thanks! I also got a Kindle from my wife(yeah she’s great, can’t climb well, but then again on the flats she can smoke me pretty good), so I also bought a copy for my Kindle.

    Did you know that there are parts missing from the Kindle version?
    At least on the copy I bought.
    One example is the part with the Champion poster, it has the picture, footnotes, but not your test. I had to ‘return’ it because it was defective.

    Maybe you should look into it.

    As for your question; I’d walk, more.

  7. Comment by Marey | 12.27.2011 | 10:42 am

    No BIKES? I guess I would be walking to work…or running…or Razor Scootering- I am Bicycle Commuter of the Year for my county…I rode to work every day last year (except for 2 when it was storming and I was afraid I would get hit by a car so I walked.) Check out the article here:

    And perhaps I will make it for Tour de Donut…it’s on my calendar :)

    Happy New Year…off to buy a book now.

  8. Comment by Kamila | 12.27.2011 | 10:43 am

    Life without bikes? Well, on a superficial level, I’d probably still be swimming and running.

    But more importantly, I wouldn’t have met, and connected so well with, the people who have had the greatest influence on my life so far. I wouldn’t have been able to explore so much of the western US through touring, or have such a great college experience through my collegiate bike team. I wouldn’t have met my closest friends and my mentor. Without the confidence and independence I keep picking up from nailing technical mountain bike sections, I’d still be the shy nervous twenty-something who’s scared of where life is going to take her. And right now, without the outlet of riding, I would likely be having a much harder fight with depression and anxiety.

    I would hazard a guess that there would be a lot less scarred skin and awkward tan lines. And the clincher: without bikes, this blog wouldn’t exist, and the world would indeed be missing a comedic mastermind.

  9. Comment by Rob W | 12.27.2011 | 10:43 am

    My story is different than probably most on this board. I just bought my first road bike ever last year. Honestly, I didnt know how much fun cycling could be until I bought my bike. I love it now!! If there never were bikes, I would probably be continuing my previous quest of climbing the big tall mountains of Idaho!!……..cause runnin’ stinks!

  10. Comment by jack | 12.27.2011 | 10:47 am

    I would be so overweight I would be dead – cycling has saved my life.

  11. Comment by TK | 12.27.2011 | 11:00 am

    Without bikes, I would be driving more and smiling less.

  12. Comment by roan | 12.27.2011 | 11:39 am

    My answer to the nightmare of life without a bike.
    Dog sledding but couldn’t use to commute to work because I would need to chain & lock them up…cruel…to keep people from stealing them.
    Now life without Dreams, that would be terrible even if you couldn’t remember them. That is a dilemma, how would you know ? But I’m sure I wouldn’t be Walter Mitty.

  13. Comment by Liz | 12.27.2011 | 11:48 am

    Way to go, Marey!

    Without bikes, I guess I would still be running, hastening that hip replacement surgery that seems to be our family destiny. I would also be reading the “Fat Runner” blog.

  14. Comment by ClydeinKS | 12.27.2011 | 11:50 am

    Without bikes there never would’ve been the joy of seeing my 5 year old’s exuberance upon riding without training wheels for the first time this past summer, and “earning” his first jersey.
    Rather than riding side by side on trainers in the winter time (or roadside when warmer), my wife and I would (sadly but honestly) be sitting side by side on the couch ruining our eyesight by blankly staring at the television. So, sadly we’d be blind in the near future…
    Thank God for bicycles of all kinds, and for Team Fatty using the bicycle for many avenues of successful fundraising! Happy New Year!!

    Jeff D

  15. Comment by Christina | 12.27.2011 | 11:54 am

    Without bikes, Iowa would never be a tourist destination.

    I also wouldn’t have had the vehicle that served me for my first 21 years of life.

    And, like many others, I’d be fatter than I am now.

  16. Comment by ArjanH | 12.27.2011 | 12:04 pm

    Without Bicycles aircraft would be held together with number 8 fence wire or the modern equivalent there of.
    The Wright brothers were cycle mechanics and I could go as far as saying that without those skills they might not have invented their aircraft. In which case they wouldn’t have stolen the lime light from Richard Pearse a Kiwi farmer who flew about 9 months before the Wright brothers.
    On a much more personal scale, I wouldn’t live where I live, I’d be much more overweight, I’d probably have diabetes, I don’t think I would be enjoying life as much.

  17. Comment by Edie | 12.27.2011 | 12:10 pm

    You mean I should wait to buy Allen’s book?
    If it weren’t for bicycles… I couldn’t have my first job working at KFC. I never would have had to lie to my mom about the endo I took into the path of a Mack truck (Mack’s magically turn into leaves around a gutter in accident re-creation). My mom never would have caught me rolling down the neighbor’s driveway, flapping my arms like a bird and steering the handlebars with my feet. I would probably have grown up to be a roller derby queen which would have bought my dentist a new car.

  18. Comment by Tony D. | 12.27.2011 | 12:11 pm

    Life without bicycles? That’s a really big question.

    From a personal stance, I’d be very – correction, EXTREMELY – overweight, since I’m a programmer by trade (not the most active sort of job), and I love to eat. I also work from home, so cycling is one of the few outlets I have to get me out of the house for long periods of time. Beyond that, I’m a relatively recent transplant to Tulsa, and wouldn’t have nearly as many friends if not for my cycling team and the local cycling community.

    In more general terms: lack of a bicycle doesn’t necessarily imply a lack of wheeled transportation, since wagons existed a long time before the bicycle. Which would mean that we still could have cars, and larger vehicles that have more than two wheels. In most modern societies (save for some Asian and European cities), the car vastly out-numbers the bike in number of vehicles used for commuting, so there wouldn’t be an appreciable increase in daily traffic or general transportation times. Viewed globally, that is. Some cities would be hamstrung by the increase in street traffic, or would have been designed in completely different ways due to the increased number of vehicles and/or mass transportation.

    We would see an increase in the number of people in the aging population that would lead less healthy lifestyles. The bike is a rare device that – though allowing for substantial energy output and aerobic activity from the human – has minimal detrimental impact on the body (assuming proper size, etc.). Meaning, it’s very easy to use at any age without hurting yourself (barring crashes, obviously) and keep in pretty good shape. And though walking is good, it doesn’t provide the same level of physical exertion, so you’d have to walk a LOT more to make up for not riding. Swimming is a good, easy-on-the-joints activity, but not quite as social of an activity (and not as independent as running or cycling, since you need access to a body of water).

    From an increase to an unhealthy, aging populace we’d also see an associated increase in health care costs.

    The bicycle also allows cross-generational interaction in a sports setting – something rarely seen in other sports because of the inherent differences in physical ability based on age. A 60 year old riding a bike can maintain similar and sometimes even better performance than a 30 year old (I know this first-hand). You usually don’t see this type of interaction in sports like soccer or tennis, because the physical demands on the body are much more intense.

  19. Comment by Clydesteve | 12.27.2011 | 12:33 pm

    Well, I like ArjanH’s answer best – The Wright Bros. would not have been bicycle mechanics, and so there would be no airplane.

    For me, it would probably mean I would be a quadraplegic by now, and by that I mean i would have continued my motorcycle addiction.

    Besides, the would NOT have ever caught on.

  20. Comment by Scott Joy | 12.27.2011 | 12:34 pm

    In a world without bicycles, my life after testicular cancer would be far less fulfilling. I wouldn’t have followed Tom Green into comedy or Scott Hamilton into figure skating – but following Lance Armstrong into supporting people affected by cancer through endurance cycling has meant the world to me.

  21. Comment by Fat Cathy | 12.27.2011 | 12:50 pm

    My life right now would be profoundly different if there were no bicycles in the world. My husband would not have earned a spot on the 1996 Dutch Paralympic team as tandem captain for a visually disabled rider and come to Atlanta in the summer of 1996. I would never have started a conversation with him on a training ride just before the games. And we would never have gotten married and he wouldn’t moved to the US. And most importantly we wouldn’t have had the most beautiful little 3 y.o. girl on the planet together.

    Since I was physically active and enjoyed the outdoors before I started cycling, I would probably still be doing something of that nature. But I doubt I would be as happy.

  22. Comment by Roderick | 12.27.2011 | 12:54 pm

    two words: In-line Skating :)

  23. Comment by davidh-marinca | 12.27.2011 | 12:57 pm

    Without bikes there would be Interbike. Then where would you go to get a picture like this??


  24. Comment by Chris | 12.27.2011 | 12:59 pm

    If bicycles were never invented we wouldn’t know what we would be missing. I would run more and my quads would be normal so I could buy regular pants.

    Any word on a Nook version? Looky looky, I got a Nooky…

  25. Comment by Kevin M Roberts | 12.27.2011 | 1:01 pm

    Well, I wouldn’t have Titanium plates holding my skull together, but then again, I wouldn’t know the zen sound of silence like a tuned in steely running on smooth pavement either.

  26. Comment by mykill | 12.27.2011 | 1:24 pm

    In the two years since i started riding i have lost over 50 pounds, lowered my blood pressure, cut my cholesterol almost 50%, and managed to get my liver levels back into a healthy range. My life without my bike would have been much shorter and nowhere near as much fun.

  27. Comment by Rumpled/Jim | 12.27.2011 | 1:41 pm

    If there were no such thing as bicycles
    5 and 6 year olds would never know the pleasure of getting that first bike at Christmas or for their birthday(probably 3 now with those push bikes – when I was a kid you had to wait until you were big enough to mount a 20 inch wheeled bike with blocks on the pedals – now, get off my lawn)

    Kids wouldn’t know the freedom of exploring and getting around so freely, or be able to get a job delivering newspapers. (sadly, both all but gone now)

    Kids wouldn’t know the joys of finally mastering a bike with gears and hand brakes.

    A junior aged kid couldn’t roam all over the county and wonder what was over there and go see what is over there.

    Boys would not know the pain of knocking their parts on the stem of a bike as they crash (they would just know it from other activities.)

    Adults wouldn’t be able to do all these things that make them feel like kids again.

    I wouldn’t have been able to be out in the world and explored so much. So many places you couldn’t drive to and a 50+ mile run couldn’t be done in half a day to go to those places.

  28. Comment by Eric L | 12.27.2011 | 2:00 pm

    In a world without bicycles I guess I’d still be rollerskating a lot.

    …and I wouldn’t be learning to make those yummy sounding rice cakes from Allen’s cool book which Santa brought me.

    Fatty, thanks for another great year of reading and laughing.

  29. Comment by Jenni | 12.27.2011 | 2:04 pm

    Without bikes, I’d never be in that family video, taken by sobbing parents, as I taught their challenging little boy to ride.

    Without bikes, I’d have fewer friends, fewer memories, and fewer laugh lines.

  30. Comment by Jeff Bike | 12.27.2011 | 2:14 pm

    If the bike didn’t exist some of my best childhood memories would be gone! We can’t afford to lose our childhood. I would also have worse eyesight because my hobby was building model ships (no not in a bottle). I would be even fatter than now and much more of a couch potato.
    Oh WOW! Turn it around Fatty. What if there were no cars only bicycles?

  31. Comment by Onomastic | 12.27.2011 | 2:18 pm

    Nothing original to say about life without bikes. Back to the old days with a lot more (ugh) running, I guess. And, as others have mentioned, fewer spills with broken bones. In my case, three fewer.

    As to your book, however, a thought. I think you should start footnoting your blog posts. Then for your next book you could footnote the footnotes. It’s already an adventure on the electronic version to tap the footnote indicator with enough accuracty to actually get to the footnote rather than just accidentally turning the page. Think of the adventure if we had to first tap accurately to get to the blog entry’s footnote, then tap accruately a second time to get to the footnote’s footnote.

    Just a thought.

  32. Comment by TimRides | 12.27.2011 | 2:35 pm

    If there was no such thing as bicycles I would have had to live on-campus at college and wouldn’t have been able to see most of the city.

    If there was no such thing as bicycles Livestrong probably wouldn’t have had a chance to take off like it did, or Lance might not have made it through treatment because he didn’t have an insistent sponsor.

    If there was no such thing as bicycles my circle of friends would be very different (assuming I had any friends ;).

    If there was no such thing as bicycles I would almost certainly not be in very good shape (or at least not in as good of shape as I am with bicycles).

    On the other hand…If there was no such thing as bicycles it almost certainly would be because something else came along first that meant that there was no need for bicycles. Wonder what THAT would have been?

  33. Comment by Cali_Lady | 12.27.2011 | 2:42 pm

    I like Kamila’s response/comment best!! Kamila, please comment on here more often!

  34. Comment by The Flyin' Ute | 12.27.2011 | 3:01 pm

    Clearly we would all be hiking and skiing more.

    Which isn’t a bad thing.

    Oh, and I played an airsoft battle with my kids and neighborhood kids at the mouth of AF Canyon on Monday instead of riding. So that too.

    But, the simple beauty of biking would leave a void in our souls that would confound us.

  35. Comment by Cin City Clyde | 12.27.2011 | 3:02 pm

    How would I get to work? What about my nearly monthly summer weekend tours? I imagine I would be very bored from not riding. I would still be nearly 400 pounds instead of nearly 300. I wouldn’t have the pleasure of reading all of the awesome bike blogs.

    Well, I hope to time travelers mistake the persons who invented the bicycle as an insane murderer.

  36. Comment by Joe in San Diego | 12.27.2011 | 3:34 pm

    I was a runner through most of college in Iowa. I became a cyclist when I chased a neighborhood vandal down on my mom’s cruiser. I started out on foot, of course, but being barefoot, I managed to slash my foot wide open on the broken bottle that the vandal had thrown at my neighbor’s house. I hobbled home, jumped on the dumpy cruiser and caught the rascal about a mile away. Then I keeled over and went to the hospital for stitches.

    At that point in my life due to the gash, my running career was done and a new cyclist was born.

    Life without bikes? The neighbor I protected became a close family friend after that incident. I became close to my future brother-in-law who was and is a cyclist. I’ve seen some amazing scenery by bike both in Iowa and since moving to San Diego. Without a bike, my relationships would be different and I’d be a fat toad. Well, I’m still a fat toad, but the relationship part is true.

  37. Comment by muskyhunter | 12.27.2011 | 3:36 pm

    I’d have to move farther north to enjoy more cross country skiing. Roller blades are also a lot of fun…
    I hate running. God gave us wheels so that we can go faster and (if we want) COAST downhill!

  38. Comment by Joe in San Diego | 12.27.2011 | 3:41 pm

    BTW – About your book. You can buy votes/sales for your book by promising to make us all Banana Cream Parfaits or Cake Shakes. Personally, I’m going to try a pumpkin pie shake tonight.

    I’ve been reading your book daily while doing the elliptical at the gym. I must say, though, that I had to actually stop for a couple of minutes and get a drink of water after reading the Barf section. That got me into a gap reflex. :-)

  39. Comment by Pip | 12.27.2011 | 4:51 pm

    Typical – I bought the Kindle version of your book yesterday and today you put it on sale! Never mind, it’s worth it.

    A world without bikes? I’d be doing a lot more running and I’d be a lot more broken.

  40. Comment by AKChick | 12.27.2011 | 5:42 pm

    A world without bikes??? What a horrific thought!

    Without bicycles, I wouldn’t have discovered the cardio activity that I love to do most of all – more than all the other activities.

    I wouldn’t know the thrill of bombing down a road at 35-45mph with a think layer of spandex covering only some of my tender skin (scary as heck, but oh so fun).

    I wouldn’t know the thrill of riding to distant places and because I’m on a bike, I check out the scenery and things I may have missed in a car, I see.

    I wouldn’t have the thrill of knowing I can ride 110 miles in one day and survive and SMILE.

    I wouldn’t be able to eat chocolate and cheeseburgers (separately) and drink wine and beer (also separately)in as much quantity as I do during the summer months.

    I wouldn’t be a member of an amazing cyber-family that raises money for so many worthy and wonderful causes.

    No Chris Horner??? No Tour de France?? We wouldn’t have Lance Armstrong and LIVESTRONG! No Levi don’t-look-at-me-that-way-or-I’ll-put-you-in-a-chokehold. No way to help kids in Africa get to school faster so they can lead a more prosperous life.

    Life without a bike? UNTHINKABLE!!!

  41. Comment by AKChick | 12.27.2011 | 5:43 pm

    Oh for pete’s sake, that should be THIN layer not THINK layer. We need spell check… or maybe it’s just me.

  42. Comment by Rox | 12.27.2011 | 7:16 pm

    Without bicycles I’d have a much bigger balance in my checking account which would offset my medical bills from being fat and lazy. I’d also have more time to do yardwork, write a book, drink and go bowling more often! Just joking, seriously I’d probably be checked into a mental hospital somewhere. Bicycling is about the only thing that clears my mind and helps me to be a “normal” person.
    Happy New Year Everyone, now go ride.

  43. Comment by Doug (way upstate NY) | 12.27.2011 | 7:48 pm

    Life, without bikes? Stunned into silence. I just hope that I would have found something else that lets me be active, challenge myself, and see the world from a different perspective.

  44. Comment by Paul Guyot | 12.27.2011 | 7:54 pm

    Without bikes… I would be grossly unhealthy and suffering from diabetes.

    Fatty would not have a chance at the role of a smarmy bike messenger on a basic cable show.

    We would not know the POWER and LOVE of Livestrong.

    My son would not have the amazing self-esteem and lack of anxiety about his size that he does thanks to his pro cycling heroes.

  45. Comment by becky | 12.27.2011 | 8:01 pm

    Without bikes my family would have had a raving lunatic for a Mom during some stressful times recently, instead of the tired and exhausted Mom who had taken out her anger issues in a workout. Thankyou road bike. thankyou, mountain bike, for rescuing what was left of my sanity and making me realize I can do so much more than those mean people who have such a boring life they had to make mine hell for a few months.

  46. Comment by becky | 12.27.2011 | 8:02 pm

    No, it wasn’t my family who’s mean. other people.

  47. Comment by Mark | 12.27.2011 | 8:16 pm

    How do we know how life would be different without bikes? They’ve always been there. We would need a “It’s a Wonderful Life” kind of experience to really know. But just like that movie, it really is a wonderful life WITH bikes. The thought of a world without bikes is not fun to think about, so I guess this is a non-answer answer. I think I’ll go get on the rollers…

  48. Comment by roan | 12.27.2011 | 9:03 pm

    Without bikes I would start an ebay company. Selling things like Tikis soaked in a seaweed brine for a ‘jaded’ color, with the word FATTY burnt vertically on the flipside. Comes complete with 3 voodoo pins. OR silkscreened slogan t-shirts personalized like;

    (fill in the blank)example Duane.
    Maddox did it ! YOU can too !

  49. Comment by Justin L. | 12.27.2011 | 9:25 pm

    Without bikes, I would have a lot more money but be sad in a gym doing a bunch of elliptical crap. Then again, I would not have extra money, because i would need more then one motorcycle, because i won’t have my garage of bikes to fill my other two wheel needs.

  50. Comment by Justin L. | 12.27.2011 | 9:27 pm

    My seven year old Scotti wanted me to reply that his life would be sad because he would have nothing to ride on and would be forced to drive to school like everyone else. (My son is one only maybe 8 kids that ride a bicycle to school SAD!!!!!)

  51. Comment by John | 12.27.2011 | 9:37 pm

    Without bicycles there’d be no cars (or aircraft, as has been pointed out already.) I currently ride over 10,000km per year, mostly commuting, so I’d be doing a lot more walking I suppose.

    Also there’d be a lot more horse crap on the ground.

  52. Comment by Carl | 12.27.2011 | 9:52 pm

    There wouldn’t be a Team Fatty to help so many people.

  53. Comment by roan | 12.27.2011 | 10:07 pm

    Sorry folks, I know I just commented but a ‘book’ I’m reading abounds with T-shirt slogans for my “Without a Bike Company”. Try this one on for size.
    “There will be Rumors of Wars,
    But the Rum Ours.”
    Without bikes there wouldn’t be Fat Tire Ale or a whole boatload of other brews. AND we would be stuck with PBR. But again we wouldn’t have the thirst either.

  54. Comment by gregc | 12.27.2011 | 11:29 pm

    If there werent bikes, then there would have been no reason for this awesome video – finally someone gets me. HTTP://
    See y’all in Davis!

  55. Comment by Saso | 12.28.2011 | 12:39 am

    I there were no bikes:
    - I would not recognize a lot of wonderful countryside
    - I would miss moments of great exhilaration and pain
    - I would be running more often

    Happy New Year to you and your family.

  56. Comment by Jenn | 12.28.2011 | 3:07 am

    Without bikes…where would I put all my passion? A scary thought, indeed.

  57. Comment by Grant | 12.28.2011 | 4:57 am

    I hate to think where I would be without bikes… I came to mountain biking late in life (about 25 I think), and cycling was really the catalyst that made me enjoy exercise (still got a long way to go) and to incorporate physical activity into my lifestyle. I think I would just be another depressed, unhealthy, inactive, desk-worker.

    Very sad state of affairs indeed.

    on a side note, there are pills that increase your metabolism – they are called amphetamines ;)

  58. Comment by Tracy W | 12.28.2011 | 8:17 am

    Without bikes:
    ** I wouldn’t know the joy of an early mornig ride.
    ** I wouldn’t feel the bulk of the muscles in my legs.
    ** I wouldn’t sleep the sleep of a contentedly tired man.
    ** I wouldn’t feel constantly driven to ride!
    ** I wouldn’t have a steady source of entertainment.

    Happy New Year!

  59. Comment by nh_joe | 12.28.2011 | 8:49 am

    Without bikes:
    - I wouldn’t shave my legs.
    - I’d have a lot fewer cuts, scars, and bruises.
    - I’d be fat.
    - My bank account would be much bigger.

  60. Comment by Linda | 12.28.2011 | 8:56 am

    Without a bike: II’d still be stuck on an elliptical machine or treadmill in a gym while my mind turned to mush thanks to boring TV shows and conversations around me. I’d never know the inner peace of riding down a quiet country road. My husband and I wouldn’t share a whole set of inside jokes. I’d lack a great group of friends who inspire and support me. I would have never had the feeling of being brought to tears while completing the final miles of Biking Across Kansas – something I never would have thought this 40 year old mom could do. I wouldn’t have seen the beauty of the peloton riding through a field of sunflowers on TV, nor felt the wind of the peloton passing right in front of me. Finally, I wouldn’t have been inspired by a survivor named Lance, nor used him as a source of inspiration for a friend who is fighting cancer.

    Thanks for a great year of reflections, stories, and good deeds Fatty. May all your winds be tailwinds.

  61. Comment by Tim | 12.28.2011 | 10:43 am

    Without bikes I would feel powerless to help my wife. I ride because she got diagnosed with MS 18 months ago. I bought a bike because of the MS150 rides. It is a tangible way for me to feel like I can contribute to the fight with my blood, sweat, and tears. I’ll never forget the feeling I had leading a 25 rider pace line 5 miles from the end of finishing my first MS ride. I was crying my eyes out while feeling on top of the world.

    I also would not be in the best shape of my life at 44 years old. As a high school/college kid I would never have been able to ride 100 miles in a day or run a half marathon. Now I don’t even think of it as a work out until it’s at least a 40 mile ride or a 5 mile run.

  62. Comment by Evelin B - New Zealand | 12.28.2011 | 11:05 am

    Without a bike:

    I would not have the joy of an awesome early morning ride when you feel like you are all alone and it’s just you and the bike

    I would not know that I am able to do all the events I do and finish them on the bike, which make me feel good and

    I would not have the next ride to look forward to after the ride I just did is done

    Thanks Fatty for the forum you provide to bring us all together and make something good happen!!!!!

  63. Comment by Cat_Rancher | 12.28.2011 | 12:17 pm

    Having grown up in a small, rural community, my childhood would have been a lot more isolated. Bikes were our freedom! Riding to my friends’ houses, the pool, the library, even sometimes to the Dairy Queen (which was only open during the summer!). I rode my bike to my first job- which was working in the cornfields 10 hours a day, then rode home! That old, green 3 speed Schwinn made my world a much better place. I can still feel the thrill of flying down the hill on the way home!

  64. Comment by briebecca | 12.28.2011 | 2:19 pm

    Without a bike, I never would have met my husband.

  65. Comment by Angie | 12.28.2011 | 3:15 pm

    Without bikes in my life, I would still be going to the gym every day. I never would have realized that I can be an athlete. I’d be using my aerobics classes as a competitive outlet. I’d still be counting calories and obsessing over my weight. My body image wouldn’t be good, like it is now.

  66. Comment by mmat | 12.28.2011 | 4:02 pm

    this is kind of a long-shot question, but i have a KOBO e-Reader – what are the odds of your book being published in the Kobo store?

    rock on.

    and without bikes, Duathlons would be running and swimming. and since i suck hard at swimming, i could only be an athlon athlete, not a duathlon guy.

  67. Comment by bart | 12.28.2011 | 5:37 pm

    without bicycles I would have a lot more money but a WHOLE LOT LESS FUN.
    No question which is more important to me.

  68. Comment by mikeonhisbike | 12.28.2011 | 8:08 pm

    I’ve learned a lot through cycling. One of the things being determination and persistence. There are a lot of things in life that feel like the last 20 miles of a double century. Since I have concurred that one I now expect myself to concur things that feel like that.

  69. Comment by Bee | 12.28.2011 | 8:27 pm

    In a world without bicycles… I’d have a much more complicated relationship with my love of sandwiches.

    Thank you for the Kindle sale! I’m going to buy my copy early (it was going to be a New Year’s present, but now it’ll officially be the first thing I purchase with my new Kindle. You may now feel special. You beat out Bossypants for the first official purchase slot.) n

  70. Comment by Lonster | 12.28.2011 | 9:37 pm

    I would not have discovered many of the backroads of California without a bicycle. I would not have the network of friends that the bicycle has brought to my life through racing and group rides. I would also have a lot more room in my shop and patio room that is currently taken up with bicycles and spare wheels.

  71. Comment by roan | 12.28.2011 | 11:50 pm

    Without bicycles knickers would be dead.
    There stood the two finalists toe to toe at the top of Ben Nevis, the World Championship Dual DH slalom about to roll. The Brit standing rigid like John Cleese with his cycling shorts up under his armpits trying to keep a stiff upper lip as he gazed upon his teenaged American Pro Rider rival wearing his knickers so low that it looked like he carried a load of mash potatoes.

  72. Comment by Evelin B - New Zealand | 12.29.2011 | 10:49 am

    I probably would never have moved to New Zealand as I would not have been able to travel this beautiful place by bike ans discover the magic that this land consists of. Moved here in Oct 2006 after doing a bike tour of the south island in Nov 2005. Loved it so much, moved here and here to stay!!!!!

    Now my only regret is not being able to do the Team Fatty events in the states. Happy New Year everyone!!!!

  73. Comment by Matt | 12.29.2011 | 11:39 am

    I would enjoy reading a blog – by someone named Elden (aka “Fatty”) – entitled FatUniCyclist!

  74. Comment by Dave T | 12.29.2011 | 12:20 pm

    Several years ago I would have said. No biking= more of the other outdoor activities I like to do running, back country skiing, climbing ect. Well maybe walking not running. Since my son has benefited so much from riding over the past year I now can’t even imagine a world without the bicycle. Happy new year to you all, hope to see many of you at the Livestrong ride in Davis next year.

  75. Comment by Ted | 12.29.2011 | 4:09 pm

    Seeing as I can’t wheelie, a world without bicycles would involve me unsuccessfully teetering through the woods on a mountain unicycle.

  76. Comment by Shawn | 12.29.2011 | 4:33 pm

    Life w/o bicycles for me…

    1. I’d be obese, since cycling does far more for me than running
    2. I wouldn’t be an Ironman
    3. Epic adventures for me would be limited to backpacking and kayaking
    4. The odd looks I get at convenience stores would no longer be excused by wearing bibs, bike jersey, and bike shoes
    5. Back shirt pockets might not exist (as odd looking as they are, I love them)
    6. My hate for wind would be limited to storms blowing stuff in my yard and umbrella complications
    7. I would remain ghost white year round (minus sun burn) and would not have the awesome tan lines I tend to maintain through out most of the year
    8. Hills would not be as fun and challenging

    I’m sure I’ll think of more when I’m on the trainer tonight…

  77. Comment by Mike from Melbourne | 12.29.2011 | 5:18 pm

    Without bicycles I would be a much better surfer.

    My copy of Comedian Mastermind arrived last night. I cant wait to start reading it. Thanks for the note, yes I will try to stay awesome.

    Have a great new year Fatty! 2011 has been great, 2012 will be even better

  78. Comment by terry | 12.29.2011 | 9:12 pm

    I’d still be 65lbs heavier, never helped others by riding across the USA to raise money, never met some great people, never had the joy of riding east into a sunrise, never rode west into a sunset, never pushed myself to that place where exhaustion meets triumph, never visited new lands, never read cycling blogs.

  79. Comment by MattC | 12.29.2011 | 9:15 pm

    If there were no bicycles, then MAYBE we’d all be flying around in those flying cars that were PROMISED to us many decades ago! (think the Jetsons).

    Or just MAYBE those wicked cool jet-packs from the 60’s & 70’s would have been perfected.

    But NOOOOOOO…seems everybody is insistent on perfecting (and reinventing, and reinventing, ad nauseam) bikes instead of making the cool new stuff.

    I for one would REALLY like a personal jet-pack (and I’d use it on my Mt-bike!) For once I’d be able to ‘catch some air’ without being in fear for my life!

    Happy New Year to all Fatties!

  80. Comment by leroy | 12.29.2011 | 11:03 pm

    If there were no such thing as bicycles, nothing would change.

    I’d still get funny looks when wearing bike tights and a Fat Cyclist jersey.

    Which is odd because New Yorkers don’t usually make eye contact or stare at other people on the subway.

    Maybe if I added a cape folks might think I’m a super hero.

    But if there were no such thing as bicycles, what would my dog and I talk about?

  81. Comment by Fiona | 12.30.2011 | 3:45 am

    Life without bikes …. lots of positives: we’d have a savings account with some money in it and I’d see a lot more of my husband and I wouldn’t have to wash all that muddy, stinky gear!!! On the down side – I wouldn’t know what to get him for Christmas!

  82. Comment by Rae | 12.30.2011 | 10:22 am

    I would still be watching baseball.
    I would never have toured the Netherlands.
    My house would be clean.

  83. Comment by buckythedonkey | 12.30.2011 | 10:25 am

    Congratulations on the success of your book. I returned to London from abroad to find mine waiting for me (so your overseas shipping works!). All the best for 2012.

  84. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 12.30.2011 | 1:23 pm

    We would never have the Utah Tour de Donut! And it would not be held on the July 7th 2012 instead of the 14th as previously posted! We also wouldn’t be getting together a super special Fattys-only discount code for registration to it! We DEFINITELY wouldn’t be telling people to stay tuned for more exciting updates either!

    And I would not have found such an awesome activity as cycling, OR such an amazing group of people as you all are. Thanks Team Fatty! I think I’m going to attempt Suncrest this afternoon…

  85. Comment by Mrs Brooks | 12.30.2011 | 1:46 pm

    I would simply ride my horses more.

  86. Comment by Braatzy | 12.30.2011 | 9:29 pm

    A world without bicycles? Conversation with friends would be less interesting for sure. Like fishing, cycling gives us some of the greatest stories ever told, true or not. When I think about it, I’e had a bike, of some sort, my whole life. What would take it’s place? Now that I think about it, what would the Coffee Coasters be other than a group of old guys with coffee cups in their hands?

  87. Comment by dan | 12.31.2011 | 1:31 am

    I would spend more time in my car. Yawn…

    Purchased your book on amazon 3 days ago. Finished it tonight. It’s a new record for me. I’m a slow reader and the only book I finished in 4 days was Lance’s. Congrats on a great read.

    Here’s to a new year and more Fatty stories.

  88. Comment by Kari | 12.31.2011 | 1:47 am

    I would not have been able to spread the word in my high schools about cancer research because there is no way I would have jumped into running for Team in Training the way O did for their riding program. Then again, without bicyles my shoulderblade would have stayed in one piece and when I sit in the sun too long I would not have road-rash-patterned scars on my back that turn more red than everything else because scars sunburn faster than normal skin does, even or faded ones. I would not have been able tto sit in the baske on the back of an adult size tricycle as a preschooler with my younger brother snuggled in beside me while my grandpa rode us around the neighborhood to work out his legs. Without it, he would have suffered muh more than he did from his neuromuscular disease. He possibly would have lost his mobility by the time I was old enough to remember those rides because of the atrophy to his muscles from his disease. I would have spent much longer than I did in a very badly matched relationship (yes, I chose cycling over dating as a teen. They did not want to be with someone whose body was going to become hard and muscular as cycling tends to do to people and said if I joined Team in Training I wouldnt Be the same person they “knew and loved,” that I was “better off and would be happier staying all soft and huggable like a teddy bear.” Looking back, I wonder if they should be evaluated for lunacy.

  89. Comment by kodiakbiker | 12.31.2011 | 7:08 pm

    If the bicycle was never created modern day flight would not be where it is today. The Write Brothers wouldn’t have owned their bicycle store and therefor not had the spark of genius to take the same mechanics of a bike frame and apply it to flight! Now flight eventually would have been discovered but not like it is now. Thats how we all would have been effected :) Now I on the other hand would not be able to pay for college! This summer I’m gonna take my bike and a camera and make money creating commercials for Subway! Visit my blog and help me go viral!
    Thanks and Happy New Year!

  90. Comment by kodiakbiker | 12.31.2011 | 7:13 pm

    If the bicycle was never created modern day flight would not be where it is today. The Write Brothers wouldn’t have owned their bicycle store and therefor not had the spark of genius to take the same mechanics of a bike frame and apply it to flight! Now flight eventually would have been discovered but not like it is now. That’s how we all would have been effected :) Now I on the other hand would not be able to pay for college! This summer I’m gonna take my bike and a camera and make money creating commercials for Subway! Visit my blog and help me go viral!
    Thanks and Happy New Year!

  91. Comment by Niall | 01.1.2012 | 2:55 am

    Well…what a question to ponder! Without bikes there would be:

    One less reason to get up early to beat the traffic;
    One less reason to drink coffee and eat cake whilst wearing Lycra;
    Less criticism from the wife each time another package arrives containing Fat Cyclist riding kit/other Twin Six riding kit/other riding kit from another source/bike equipment/bike magazines;
    Less criticism from the wife when I come home having bought something from the LBS;
    Less time spent watching cycling shows on TV; and
    More conversation with the wife about stuff that doesn’t revolve around riding, bikes, bike equipment, the local bike club.

    Thank God it was only a dream! :D

  92. Comment by John H. | 01.1.2012 | 9:57 am

    Hmm, a world without bikes…

    Well, My wife would not have bought your book;)

    Life would be very, very boring. Although my legs would still have hair on them….

    Happy New Year!!!!

  93. Comment by roan | 01.1.2012 | 11:37 am

    Without bicycles, you wouldn’t have the ‘write’stuff.
    And then…Oh…Brother where art thou ?

    Happy CYCLING Year Fatties.

  94. Comment by Evelin B - New Zealand | 01.1.2012 | 1:02 pm

    Received my book yesterday!!!! Started reading it and have had trouble putting it down. Great to read to footnotes and the introductory notes about what you were thinking when you writing each blog. Thanks for a great read!!!!

  95. Comment by Melalvai | 01.1.2012 | 7:18 pm

    I would be poorer–literally. I discovered bicycling when we became a one-car family. I loved it, one of the things I loved was not having a car payment. We never did buy that second car.

    I would be fatter. I lost 30 pounds the first year, without dieting.

    I would be poorer, metaphorically. I discovered a richness in life and bicycling has improved my mental/ emotional stability. I have made friends through bicycling. I can connect to my teenage daughter through bicycling.

    Maybe I would have discovered the joy of running (still trying to find that one) and gotten healthier, etc. But the ability to live without a 2nd car is such a freedom, and I don’t see how I could have found that without the bicycle.

  96. Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 01.3.2012 | 9:19 am

    1. My paper route would have sucked even more than it sucked.
    2. I would have had to have set my top human/gravity powered speed of 52.4 mph skiing.
    3. The hardest thing I’ve ever done would no longer be the Mount Evans Hill Climb (2008) … and I don’t know what’s second.

  97. Comment by FliesOnly | 01.3.2012 | 12:37 pm

    As my name implies…without bicycles to otherwise occupy any free time I have available, I would likely be spending a larger proportion of that time in a stream somewhere with a fly rod in my hand. I must confess, I actually miss fly fishing. Oh, I still get out there a few times, but not nearly so much as I once did before I discovered the joys mtn bike racing. And I say this as a man that has been to the hospital a few times because of this “new” hobby, so you know I must have been severely bitten by the mtn biking bug.

  98. Comment by David Atos | 01.3.2012 | 3:22 pm

    Without bicycles:

    o The triathlon would be inaptly named.
    o People would probably be a lot less interested in Armstrong’s left nut.
    o Powered human flight would have been successfully demonstrated by two brothers that owned a wagon repair shop.
    o There would be a much smaller market for leg razors for men.
    o The predominant use of lycra would be as a small-percentage fibre in socks
    o Nobody would mistake chamois cream for an energy gel. (Seriously. DZ nuts does not taste nutty at all.)

  99. Comment by Susie H | 01.3.2012 | 4:10 pm

    ahhhh, life without bikes? i wouldn’t be almost 50 sporting the badass bruised shoulder i received biking down a steep and rocky road strewn with slippery banana leaves in Puerto Rico…forget the tan lines–i’ve been showing off my bike injuries! :-) probably wouldn’t be doing that if i were still just running!

  100. Comment by Christina | 01.3.2012 | 4:19 pm

    Today at lunch I thought of another one…with no bikes, how would missionaries get around? Scooters? Rollerblades?

    Then that made me think of the folks in Zambia. There’s the world without bikes and it is tough.

  101. Comment by BillCan | 01.3.2012 | 10:35 pm

    Without bikes, I would not have been able to develop this Luxury Body, nor would I have a good reason to spalm anything on my butt.

  102. Comment by pedalpink | 01.4.2012 | 6:46 am

    If bicycles hadn’t existed, I would not have met my husband. We wouldn’t have learned what it meant to combine our strengths and weaknesses on a tandem to ride further than we could have imagined. We would of had far fewer wonderful friends. We wouldn’t have joined Team Fatty and done so much good. It wouldn’t have provided me the joy of editing a bicycling newsletter. And now, after my husband/captain’s stroke on Christmas day has left him with limited visual field and the risk of bleeding due to coumedin – we may have to learn what life without bicycles will mean to us. (When I type the name of the anti clogging drug the type corrector replaces it with comedian.)

  103. Comment by Steve | 01.8.2012 | 8:31 pm

    The world without Bike??!! I couldn’t imagine the world without bikes!! I can say one thing for sure without my bike I would be sitting home eating and being bored and back up to 295 pounds of lard!! When I was growing up and still a kid I guess. I rode everywhere on my Nishiki 10 spd. I lived on that bike and we saw a lot of miles together. that was the last bike I would own for a number of years and during that time I got older and fatter and so out of shape it was easier to sit on the couch. Thankfully we have bikes and I plan on riding for years and years to come!! In fact I get pretty damn cranky if I can’t ride!! The only thing that changed with my biking was I now ride a Mountain Bike instead of a road bike. The road seems so boring to me anymore I like getting away from it all and seeing the animals I have snuck up on riding in the mountains, it seems it’s always an adventure and I usually have my camera with me for some quick shots!!! I’ve even thought of quitting my job and becoming a bike bum and riding and riding XC to where ever!! But I know that’s not a logical approach, so I guess I’ll continue slaving 12 hours a day 48 hours a week and looking forward to when I can get my next ride in!

  104. Comment by patchy | 01.10.2012 | 11:51 pm

    Without bikes… I’d have significantly fewer scars. I’d have hair on my legs. I’d probably get some sleep in July (le Tour runs late here in Sydney).

    I’d probably also still be dead drunk or just dead. As it is, I’m not! Thanks, bicycles!


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