Prove You’re Faster Than Me, Win a “Faster Than Fatty” T-Shirt

07.3.2012 | 7:38 am

201207030515.jpgA Note from Fatty: The 2013 FatCyclist kit pre-order begins Monday. Whether you want to show of that you’re part of Team Fatty or just like letting the world know that you are as exactly as likely to be eating pie as riding your bike, I highly recommend that you prepare to place an order.

I’ll be giving little hints throughout the week as to what you can expect from the new design. Today’s, though, may be the most revealing: Pink is back. As, obviously, is black. I’ll let you speculate as to what part of the jersey I’m showing is, though.

As always, Twin Six and I offer FatCyclist gear primarily as a get-it-while-you-can thing. If you don’t pre-order it, chances are you’re going to do without. So you might want to go ahead and get out that fancy smart phone of yours and set yourself a reminder to come back here Monday.

During the rest of this week, expect more sneak peeks into the design of the 2013 offering, as well as what items will be available as part of the 2013 kit.

FattyShirtFront.jpgBe Faster Than Me, Get a T-Shirt That Proves It

My relationship with riding bicycles is very simple: I love it. Mountain biking, road biking, track, cyclocross. Other kinds (like BMX and — why not? — recumbents) which I haven’t tried yet, too. I like them all. Simple.

My relationship with triathlon is . . . well, more complicated. If you’re one of the three or four (depending on whether my mom could get her dial-up modem working that day) people who read this blog back when it was very young, you might read that I once wrote a ridiculously provocative open letter to triathletes, imploring them to all stop it and try something else.

Later, I would make an outrageous, unfounded claim: that without really training, I could do an Ironman. Which, eventually, led to me being called out on the carpet, as it were, and I did an actual Ironman. After which I swore I would never do another triathlon.

Except, of course, I did an Xterra race last summer. And I did the local Turkey Tri last autumn.

Apart from those two, though, I’m totally done with Tri. Just through with it. Except, of course, I’m really not.

And you’re not, either.

In fact, I think you might want to join me in the next Tri I do. And if you — or your team — is faster than I am on the bike leg of the race, you’ll get a t-shirt that will make you the envy of the western world. Or something like that.

Meet the Life Time Leadman Tri Epic 250

You may know that I have something like an obsession with the Leadville 100. As in, I’ve done it fifteen times and am signed up to do it my sixteenth time about a month from now.

Well, Life Time Fitness, the company that puts on that race, recently got ahold of me and asked, “Hey, you want to try something a little different, but still ridiculously hard, and in a really amazing place?”

“OK,” I said, without even asking what it was I had just agreed to.

Well, it turns out that Life Time is promoting a new triathlon series, called The Leadman Tri Epic 250.

Leadman_Bend 250.jpg

The first one, this year, will be raced in Bend, Oregon. Check out the distances, and you’ll see where the “epic” part comes in:

  • 5k Swim (that’s 3.1 miles), as opposed to a mere 3.86k swim in iron-distance triathlons.
  • 223k Bike Ride (138.5 miles), as opposed to a childish 112 miles in iron-distance races.
  • 22k run (13.7 miles), which is just over half the length of the run in iron-distance races.

You see how that’s kind of interesting? A longer swim, a much longer ride, but a shorter run than an iron-distance triathlon.

Why? Well, for a pretty good reason, actually. A lot of people have great endurance and would love to prove it in a big ol’ race, but don’t want to put up with the incredibly debilitating pounding that a full marathon delivers to your body.

Plus — kinda like the Leadville 100 — if you can finish this event in under eleven hours, you get to bring home a nice little souvenir:


OK, as the owner of a few kinda cool belt buckles, I have to say: that’s a pretty darned awesome personal trophy.

But I still haven’t talked about the “Faster than Fatty” t-shirt yet, have I? OK, I’m about to.

How To Get A T-Shirt I Do Not Want You To Have

When Life Time told me about this race, I had to admit that I wasn’t ready to do the whole thing, and — especially with the huge bike-centric race schedule I’ve got set for myself this year — there was no way I was going to get to the point where I could do the whole race.

“That’s OK,” they said. “We have a cool relay category (all proceeds from this category go to the Boys and Girls Club of Central OR, by the way), too. Put together a team, and race that way.”

Of course, it took me exactly 3/1000ths of a second (should’ve taken less, but I’m not as quick as I used to be) to figure out who Team Fatty will be at the Leadman Tri:


Yep, I will once again participate in a triathlon with The Hammer (my wife, who is no slouch at running) and The Swimmer (The Hammer’s daughter, who is a star on her high school swim team).

But this time, we’ll be working together.

Oh, and if you manage to beat my time on the bike leg of the race (that’s your bike split time, and doesn’t include transition to or off the bike), you can win another little trophy you might want to show off to your friends. Here’s the front:


And here’s the back:


The Hammer and The Swimmer have each indicated that they want one of these t-shirts. But they don’t get them.

There’s only one way to get this shirt: do the Leadman Tri: be faster than I am on the bike leg of this race. You can do this either by yourself — doing the whole Leadman Tri — or as part of a relay team.

Sign Up, Get a Big Ol’ Discount

Of course, in order to win, you’ve got to race. And in order to race, you’ve got to sign up. So here’s where you go to get yourself to the registration page.

And when you sign up, be sure to use the code FattyShirt. That’s good for a whopping 40% discount on registration for the event (solo or relay, 250-mile or 125-mile distance).

Then, once you’ve done that, click here to register yourself as officially entered in the “Faster than Fatty” challenge (don’t worry, it doesn’t cost anything extra to try to beat me).

And then let me know what I’m in for when we race each other. You don’t actually have to do that part, but I’m interested in exactly how scared I should be.

I look forward to either beating you or being beaten by you in Bend on Sept 22.

PS: The folks at Life Time have put out a little press release about this little “Faster than Fatty” challenge:

Are you “FASTER THAN FATTY”? Prove it in Bend, OR on Sept 22.

Elden “Fatty” Nelson has developed one of the most heavily trafficked cycling blogs in the world. He’s cultivated an army of devoted readers and fans. Now, he’s daring every one of them to beat him on the bike at LeadmanTri in Bend, OR on Sept 22.

Fatty will be completing the 223k bike leg in a relay of this epic first-year event (his partners will be completing a 5k swim and a 22k run).

Through this unique promotion, anyone that beats Fatty’s bike split will be able to wear the accomplishment on their sleeve – literally. These lucky few will be awarded a “Faster than Fatty” limited edition t-shirt.

Now, if anyone has seen Fatty in the Leadville 100 MTB movie, Race Across the Sky, we all know he’s fast… on dirt. Well, we’re about to see how that translates on pavement against an army of triathletes and roadies now gunning for his shirt.

While LeadmanTri Bend features a Half (125k) distance, the offer is only available to solo and relay participants in the Full (250k) distance.

Sign up for the “Faster than Fatty” Challenge will be available to participants via and

So…I guess this is for real now. Guess I ought to start training or something.


  1. Comment by Josh | 07.3.2012 | 9:14 am

    I already have Leadman Vegas on my race calendar; I hope to see a similar challenge there.

  2. Comment by Justin l. | 07.3.2012 | 9:17 am

    That sounded absolutely horrible, until the team portion. That should be very interesting to watch team fatty!!! I watched you ride in Davis and know I could not beat you!!!! Really, though, if I had any ability to run or swim I would be in. I need a team!!!

  3. Comment by NYCCarlos | 07.3.2012 | 9:17 am

    you are crazy. that is all.

  4. Comment by moose | 07.3.2012 | 9:23 am

    My guess for mystery kit part? left hand jersey pocket

  5. Comment by kimbrolio | 07.3.2012 | 9:39 am

    Yay, no more University of Texas burnt orange kits! I’ll actually have to pick one up this time around.

  6. Comment by Miles Archer | 07.3.2012 | 9:39 am

    I bet I’m faster than Fatty in the pool. Not so much on a bike. Maybe if he’s riding the fat tire cruiser with a basket and the daisy.

  7. Comment by Grueny | 07.3.2012 | 9:40 am

    I was going through facebook, and saw the picture of Fatty, The Hammer, and The Swimmer. Then I realized that it was posted by Life Time Tri. And my first thought was OOOOOH BOY! I had to race over to your blog (which I usually save for my middle of the night at work entertainment).

    What an awesome race, but I can’t help but think there’s a DEFINITE unfair advantage here. We (by we, I mean people other than I) have to put our time up against yours, when we (again, other people) are goign to get on the bikes after just finishing a 3+ mile swim. And you’re getting on the bike fresh after being tagged by The Swimmer. hmmmmmm.

    That being said, I wish I could make it to oregon in September, but that’s not an option. So instead, I will have to just race in the Chicago Triathlon in August, and close my eyes, and dream that I was doing the Epic 250 … and then open my eyes quickly and avoid crashing or swimming out to the lake.

  8. Comment by Kyle | 07.3.2012 | 10:22 am

    We look forward to having you in Bend! If you have any questions about where to stay/what to do while in Bend, fire away.



  9. Comment by TK | 07.3.2012 | 10:27 am

    How about a “Slower than Fatty” t-shirt option?

  10. Comment by Jeremy | 07.3.2012 | 10:49 am

    We already established who was faster in Davis. It was not me. While the T-shirt is tempting, I’m already going to be riding up the side of Mt. Hood that day.

  11. Comment by Krispy Addiction | 07.3.2012 | 11:11 am

    I agree with TK!!

    I would donate money for a “slower than Fatty” t-shirt

  12. Comment by mykill | 07.3.2012 | 11:39 am

    Holding out for a “Fatter Than Fatty” t-shirt option.

  13. Comment by Angie G | 07.3.2012 | 12:23 pm

    FC- I think we should also get a weight handicap. You are incredibly NOT FAT and with that also incredibly NOT SLOW. So I think just like they do in horse racing, you either get to wear a backpack filled with a pre determined additional weight, or like golf we get a time handicap to level the playing field.

    The other alternative is as @TK suggested a Slower than Fatty Tshirt. :-)

    As crazy as it sounds I am actually considering this, however I have no dillusions of earning a Faster than Fatty Tshirt. :-)

  14. Comment by davidh,marin | 07.3.2012 | 12:36 pm

    I’m buying a “…slower thqn Fatty shirt”

    @AngieG weight handicap is a backpack filled with Honey Stingers. Imagine the distraction Fatty would have carrying 30lbs of a most delicious energy food on his back. And maybe a six pack or two of Diet Coke.

    Let’s level this field…he’d still beat us.

  15. Comment by Fuzz Martin | 07.3.2012 | 12:40 pm

    I’m with mykill… I want a Fatter than Fatty t-shirt. One that reminds people of both my girth and my ability to laugh at myself.

  16. Comment by Angie G | 07.3.2012 | 12:51 pm

    @DavidH- What about if he had to ride one legged? He could only clip in one foot,the other he had to wear something crazy, like a bunny slipper. :-)

  17. Comment by Kukui | 07.3.2012 | 1:55 pm

    Fatty, I totally want to race you in Leadman!!! My brother’s a runner, so all I have to do is find someone who is willing to swim 3.1 miles (gah!) and I’ve got my team! I don’t think I stand even a smidgen of a chance at beating you, but it would sure be fun to attempt it. =)

    Also, WHOA!!! That discount knocked $236 off the registration costs! Thanks for offering this challenge, Fatty!

  18. Comment by nh_joe | 07.3.2012 | 3:17 pm

    I wish I could do the bike segment! I’ll be in Bend on Sept 15th for MTB Nationals but I’m heading out on the 16th! Bummer…would be a lot of fun. I need to get rid of that job thing.

  19. Comment by Jenni | 07.3.2012 | 3:26 pm

    I can do many things faster than you Fatty. I could eat a pie faster than you, I could fall asleep afterwards faster than you, and I could make excuses on why I’d still need to eat more pie afterwards faster than you. Where do I get my tshirt?

  20. Comment by Andrew | 07.3.2012 | 4:31 pm

    The Lambert Park fire is really close to your house, isn’t it? I hope the fire gets contained soon and that you and your family are unaffected.

  21. Comment by Bee | 07.3.2012 | 4:47 pm

    YAY! BEND OREGON!!! Except for the fact that my running is not up to snuff, I kinda really wanna do this.

    Except that I am pretty sure you’ll beat me on the bike.

    There’s no “I am Fatty’s Sweep Today” shirt?

  22. Comment by Wind Pixie | 07.3.2012 | 4:50 pm

    Totally off topic, but looking north, I see the fire in the area of your home and riding haunts. Hope all will be well.

  23. Comment by Mare M | 07.3.2012 | 5:06 pm

    1) Oh, Yeay!!!! Pink’s back!!!!
    2) I’m with TK. And, I’d definitely wear my “Slower Than Fatty” tee proudly. But, how about…
    3) A third option? “Slower AND Fatter Than Fatty”

  24. Comment by M | 07.3.2012 | 5:25 pm

    I will be out of the country…but seriously the sky is black here and I am wondering if you are near the fires? We are in Echo.

  25. Comment by Liz | 07.3.2012 | 7:07 pm

    You will be a formidable team! Good luck to the Family Fatty and everyone trying to beat them in Bend. I bet not many will succeed.

  26. Comment by Doug (way upstate NY) | 07.3.2012 | 8:23 pm

    How about a “I Got Hammered” t-shirt for loosing to Lisa?

  27. Comment by LoPhat | 07.3.2012 | 10:38 pm

    Can I get a “Taller than Fatty” T-Shirt? Because I know I can win that one, and there’s no way I’m going to get the faster one.

  28. Comment by AustinSteve (aka Captain Steve) | 07.3.2012 | 10:39 pm

    @kimbrolio, I think the University of Texas Burnt Orange is an excellent color, but then again, I could be just a little “bit” biased in that opinion. A little bit. Maybe. Black is not really the best color for a Texas summer, although it’s certainly one way to NOT be Fatter than Fatty!

  29. Comment by Bee | 07.3.2012 | 11:29 pm

    Oooo, I also like the “I got Hammered” option. Because I would totally get the Hammer to sign my shirt.

  30. Comment by Daniel | 07.4.2012 | 2:34 am

    I’ll try to beat both Fatty and the Hammer. But I kinda doubt I’ll beat either. I’ve likely got no chance on the Shark but have a 5k swim race later this month so we’ll see…

    Thanks for the discount and just bringing this cool event to my attention! I’m so excited I can’t stop thinking about it! Looking for a house to rent for the weekend…

  31. Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 07.4.2012 | 7:41 am

    I’m with the many that suggest a “Slower Than Fatty” t-shirt, which would be a great consolation for those that at least tried to be faster than Fatty.

    Not that I’ll get the chance to try for either option…

    This new race sounds fabulous and I look forward to the FC race report!

  32. Comment by mwmike | 07.4.2012 | 9:40 am

    Faster than Fatty – no problem. But faster than The Hammer and The Swimmer – no way!

  33. Comment by Clydesteve | 07.4.2012 | 9:44 am

    Happy 4/7 all!

  34. Comment by Jesse | 07.4.2012 | 1:54 pm

    Good to see your tweet this morning. Everyone still safe? Friend was teaching a music group at a school near you yesterday and posted a photo of the fire as soon as it started. Pretty scary. Hope all is well.

  35. Comment by Colorado mama | 07.4.2012 | 3:43 pm

    told Dean about your beat Fatty contest at the Bend Tri He wondered outloud if your mother did not punish you enough as a child.

    About your team, they are tops. But, from the winner pose, I wonder if the swimmer is really all about this or just being gently nudged into her part of the Tri. What a dynamic trio!

  36. Comment by AKChick55 | 07.4.2012 | 4:56 pm

    I love the Fatter than Fatty or I Got Hammered t-shirt ideas since I am not even remotely close to being faster than you. :) The only way I’d ever be faster is if you broke both your legs (please don’t do that). Alas, traveling from Alaska is too expensive to partake of many of the fun adventures you talk about. We are planning our annual migration to Hawaii trip and that’s where our extra dollars will go for our vacation.

  37. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 07.4.2012 | 10:27 pm

    Happy Fourth Fatties!! ‘Faster than Fatty’ not a chance. But, I wanted to bring to all’s attention something special this week:

    National Pie Week on NPR!!!

    I’m thinking homemade pies for next year at Davis. I also have found a new ‘Hero’ for Team Fatty. David Mammet. Maybe PaulG can get David to join us at a ride…or give us permission to use his words on Fatty’s next shirt.

    “We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.”
    ? David Mamet, Boston Marriage

    Wife#1 wants me to remind everyone we’ll still eating pie here in Marin

  38. Comment by Kukui | 07.5.2012 | 1:11 am

    Happy Independence Day, Fatty and all my fellow Friends of Fatty!!! I hope you all had a wonderful (and safe!) Fourth of July! =)

  39. Comment by Christina | 07.5.2012 | 8:48 am

    Oh my gosh, I’d love a I Got Hammered shirt. I also would appreciate a “I put the Fat in Fat Cyclist” shirt or jersey.

    Drive over to your eastern friendly state. I’ll put you on a recumbent. I can’t help you with BMX, though.

  40. Comment by GenghisKhan | 07.5.2012 | 11:11 am

    Been downing donuts and Yoohoo ‘cuz I thought “Prove You’re Faster Than Me, Win a “Faster Than Fatty” T-Shirt” said,

    Prove You’re Fatter Than Me, Win a “Fatter Than Fatty” T-Shirt



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