Overly Revelatory Preview of an Upcoming Jersey Design: Free Verse Friday

07.6.2012 | 9:56 am

Can it be that Monday is so near?
Can it be that Monday — verily, a mere two-ish days hence! — the Latest
(And some would say greatest)
Version of the FatCyclist.com kit will be available for pre-order?

It is true!
Shout it fro the rooftops!
Figuratively, I mean
Don’t do it for real
Because the neighbors would complain  
And we don’t want any trouble

I look deep inside myself
And ask
Shall I give a hint?
A glimpse into what is forthcoming?

Of course I shall!
For I am
If not a showman
Then what?
What, indeed?

But how much to reveal?
That is the question that weighs on me
Like the oppressive weight
Of one thousand cinderblocks
Or at least a very large burrito
Eaten, ill-advisedly
For dinner last night
I have regrets

Shall I be miserly?
Shall I show only the merest glimpse?
Shall I tease and flirt?
Is such behavior becoming
From a man closer to his deathbed
Than to his birth-crib?
I do not know. Truly I do not.
Well, maybe I shall just wing it.

Let us begin with a hat
Yes! A cycling cap!
And not just any cycling cap
But one made of a technical fabric!
It shall wick and stuff!
And be very comfortable
Whether worn under a helmet, or alone
Let us check it out, from multiple angles, anon:  


Is the hat all that is new?
Surely you jest!
(Respectful pause for the appropriate Airplane punchline)
For this year — like many years — there is a bottle
But this year, oh.
Oh my
What a bottle
For I have searched many a year for the ultimate, perfect bottle
And now I have found it
It is better than the Camelbak bottle I used to love
It is better than the Specialized Purist Bottle I still love
It is the Specialized Hydroflo Purist, with a Watergate cap
And I simply cannot imagine a more perfect bottle existing

For two months
In deepest, darkest secret
I have used these bottles
And now I will use no others
These are that much better
I have yearned to tell you
But I have reserved judgment
Because I wanted to know for sure
The time has nearly come
For me to hold forth
I will explain more soon

And what of socks?
Here’s a thought
What if I were to merely show
An extreme closeup
Of one part
Of a sock
That would be kind of dorky
Of me
Would it not?
Which, you must admit
Would be in character


Yes yes you say
But what of the main event?
What of the jersey?
Shall there be no hints of the design
Of the new jersey?

OK fine
Here you go


Truly, I hear you say
That’s all you’re going to show?
Will you reveal no more
Of this much-hyped jersey design?

I see your point.


It is bold!
It is stripey!
It looks better than pretty much any jersey
Worn in the pro peloton
And, I have it on good authority
It is quite slimming
As well

Is this all, then?
There’s more
And you shall see it
And may pre-order it
Beginning this Monday
At 10:00am ET / 7:00am PT   

My friends at Twin Six
Have outdone themselves

Thank you.


  1. Comment by Jenni | 07.6.2012 | 6:53 am


  2. Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 07.6.2012 | 6:55 am

    I didn’t think it was possible to need another jersey, let alone a complete kit with matching bottles and a hat. But apparently this will be essential to my existence. I can tell.

  3. Comment by Chris | 07.6.2012 | 7:33 am


    And a cap, thank you for the head shaving masses!

  4. Comment by NYCCarlos | 07.6.2012 | 10:08 am

    hmmmmm… need to see the bibs to get the full picture. if I have a pink/white stripe through my crotch, I might have to pass…

    One would have to be a remarkably confident person to wear such a pair of shorts. – FC

  5. Comment by Leigh Anne | 07.6.2012 | 10:10 am

    oh wow, that stripe will gently cradle my belly providing all the accent needed for a much slower than fatty fat cyclist!
    2 please, short and long sleeve

  6. Comment by Clydesteve | 07.6.2012 | 10:11 am

    O let us expand
    on the film of the purist hydroflo

    drawing conclusions where
    none should be
    the bottle is formed
    from a big bang

    of glass
    you see

    like my frugal but
    not always careful mom
    Specialized has apparently
    strained out the glass shards

    for purity
    and rubberized them
    for flexibility

    but I think
    like the jam with glass strained out
    that mom sometimes gave me

    it might be better to
    the water
    that was in the glass
    when it exploded

    then again
    what does not kill you
    makes you stronger
    unless it is

    thank you very much

  7. Comment by blair | 07.6.2012 | 10:14 am

    suddenly i need ice cream

    Me too, except not suddenly. More like “constantly.” – FC

  8. Comment by 3d brian | 07.6.2012 | 10:16 am

    The great event
    is upon us.
    The great tour
    de donut.

    For long two years
    have I borne
    the deep and
    inglorious shame

    Of consuming a
    pittance, yea
    a tiny pittance
    of donuts.

    Last year schedules
    clashed conflicted
    and redeem myself
    I could not.

    Yet Saturday comes
    at last
    finally two years
    of shame end.

    The name 3d brian
    I have born
    for my measly
    3 donuts eaten

    Saturday I shall
    cast of this shame
    destroy the horrid

    On Monday
    I shall return
    risen again
    with a new name.

    The chance is here.
    The time to
    show my stuff

    An yet,
    I cannot help but think
    that eating more donuts
    may be even more shameful.

  9. Comment by Carl | 07.6.2012 | 10:17 am

    Bad Ass!!!

  10. Comment by Lisa in Athens | 07.6.2012 | 10:18 am

    NYC Carlos, the thought of
    A pink stripe through one’s crotch
    On a man such as yourself
    Gave me a very much needed giggle
    Blue or purple would be more your color.

    Thank you.

  11. Comment by NYCCarlos | 07.6.2012 | 10:29 am

    haha… well, you know I’m a remarkably confident individual!

    In all seriousness though, any idea on the material the hat is made out of? 3 years ago or so, the white and pink hats were made of cotton and had a really disappointingly flaccid brim. I’m hoping for a non-cotton – some sort of performance fabric – hat with more of a rigid brim.

    The hat is made of 100% centaur hide. Don’t worry, though, the centaurs are ethically euthanized and their families are sent condolence cards.

    Or it’s possible that the hats are made from the same material as the jerseys, and the bill flips up nicely. – FC

  12. Comment by AKChick55 | 07.6.2012 | 11:14 am

    Love! Thank goodness my birthday is coming otherwise I couldn’t afford a new kit! Can’t wait to see the bibs! Can we use our 100 MoN certificates on our order? And yay for rain in Utah!!!

  13. Comment by Ben | 07.6.2012 | 11:33 am

    Hey fatty! Love the new jersey and I have been looking to make the dive into a super trendy cycling hat but have always run into problems with them fitting. I have a head roughly the size of a state fair prize winning pumpkin. Do you know the sizes of heads it will fit? I wear a 7 5/8 fitted baseball cap if that helps. Thanks!

  14. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 07.6.2012 | 11:43 am

    @Fatty and NYCarlos. What are Team Fatties if not ‘remarkably confident’ persons wrapped in self deprecating humor. Bring on the pink striped crotch, and be afraid…be very afraid.

  15. Comment by Fuzz Martin | 07.6.2012 | 11:44 am

    A new kit,
    I shall pre-order,
    In lieu of new pedals,
    In lieu of new shoes,
    In the loo house with my wife when she realizes,
    I spent a bunch of money at Twin Six, again.

    But buy a new kit I must,
    Lest fellow riders won’t know,
    That I exude much girth,
    and I want pie,
    and I ride a bike.

    If I don’t buy one, now,
    And the other is dirty,
    How will other riders know,
    that I’m a pro-pie beefeater?

    I could make a hand signal,
    When other riders ride by,
    Like this:
    And this:
    But they might not get it.
    And I might lose control,
    with my hands off the bars,
    Which would make them angry,
    And then not care that I am a fat cyclist.

    I have made a justification,
    Which I often do,
    When there are things that I want,
    But know I don’t need,
    I have slimmed down a size,
    And where there used to be,
    A XXX before the L,
    There is now too much room,
    With less sexy girth,
    And the Twin-X L jerseys
    From Twin Six fit just fine.
    No more XXX for me.

    Thank you.

  16. Comment by Susie H | 07.6.2012 | 11:56 am

    For this.
    I truly must wake up early.
    On Monday.

    Thank you.

  17. Comment by ClydeinKS | 07.6.2012 | 12:05 pm

    I. Love. This.
    Will now be getting FC kit #2, BUT can I special order the crotch stripe bibs?

  18. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 07.6.2012 | 12:14 pm

    rulers of their ‘quad’dom
    women sigh in their presence
    men grumble
    The Pink Crotch Bibs shall be
    our mark
    on the peloton
    others will see us
    for who we really are
    Fat Cyclists

    Thank you

  19. Comment by Heidi | 07.6.2012 | 12:20 pm

    And don’t call me Shirley.

    Thank you.

  20. Comment by Full Monte | 07.6.2012 | 12:23 pm

    Stripes through my crotch
    I think not
    For as king of the mountains
    I deserve a polka dot
    Pink and placed in front
    Below the stripe
    Heralding my climbing skills
    Like an exclamation

  21. Comment by ClydesdalePilot | 07.6.2012 | 12:54 pm

    I say “Lo!”
    “Lo and behold!”
    A new kit for the mighty
    The mightiest of the mighty
    Mighty hungry, that is…

    On Monday
    My wallet will cry
    It will shed tears
    For it too, shall go hungry.
    Twin Six takes my money again.

    I will sport the pink stripe
    All across my junk and stuff
    I’d prefer the ladies stare
    At my junk and stuff
    Rather than my belly
    Or my face.
    Let’s face it,
    I’m not exactly Brad Pitt.
    I am rotund.

    Thank you.

  22. Comment by mykill | 07.6.2012 | 12:56 pm

    For the striped bibs i am unafraid
    Tis not my crotch that will be displayed
    But my arse to those left behind
    Though it shall seem a tad unkind
    A fat man in a pink stripe overtaking
    Rushing home where the pie lay baking

    Thank you.

  23. Comment by Miles Archer | 07.6.2012 | 1:03 pm

    Just don’t use light grey on the bibs.

    Last year I rode the Livestrong Davis event. For quite a few miles, I was behind a big guy from Visalia.

    (Man that limerick almost writes itself
    There was a big guy from Visalia…)

    Sorry, almost got carried away there.

    To make a long story short, when the grey shorts get wet, they can get kind of revealing what’s underneath.

    OK, no light grey on bibs. Nor elsewhere, actually. – FC

  24. Comment by George | 07.6.2012 | 1:26 pm

    tres beau!

  25. Comment by Daddio-O | 07.6.2012 | 1:49 pm

    Available in a Tech-T?

  26. Comment by mtnbikechk@hotmail.com | 07.6.2012 | 1:53 pm

    I want that cap, no,I need that cap…wait.. I HAVE TO HAVE THAT CAP, that cap will give me wings.

  27. Comment by laura | 07.6.2012 | 2:31 pm

    Looks awesome. And it makes me think of a gallon of Neapolitan ice cream with that color scheme….The lone barren strip of strawberry that was always left in the carton….Ummmm ice cream….on a hot day….Oops off topic…
    Can’t wait to order! :-)

  28. Comment by Debi | 07.6.2012 | 4:21 pm

    Can’t wait! I’m getting one this year, cuz this is a great purchase for a great cause. Furthermore, I want people to know I know about fatcyclist.com and everything Fatty does to help those whose lives have been affected by that ugly disease called cancer.

    Do you know who is as cool as Fat Cyclist? His followers. Love reading the comments as much as I love reading the blog.

  29. Comment by Skye | 07.6.2012 | 4:40 pm

    I get it now!
    It really is Friday
    Even though
    After 2 days off
    It feels like a Monday at work
    Free Verse Friday
    makes much more sense on Friday than it does were it actually Monday.
    Good thing I don’t run the world, we’d all be confused!

    Thank you.

    @Fuzz and @Clydesdale,
    Bonus points to both
    for making me snort out loud
    at my desk
    on Friday, not Monday.

    Thank you.

  30. Comment by Justin l. | 07.6.2012 | 7:11 pm

    My kill, I loved that poem!!!! I hate pink but love fatty gear

  31. Comment by Gabi | 07.6.2012 | 8:16 pm

    Love the jersey and the hat!

  32. Comment by Augustus | 07.7.2012 | 5:34 am

    Now I can get a pink jersey and a hat! Yeah Fatty!!

  33. Comment by Augustus | 07.7.2012 | 5:34 am

    And, it wicks!!

  34. Comment by MellowJonny | 07.7.2012 | 9:32 am

    If fatty commented on this comment that I’m commenting under the comment section of the comments of his post, it would make my day!

  35. Comment by Anonymous | 07.7.2012 | 9:58 am

    Just looking at you
    Fat Cyclist Jersey
    Awakens hunger.
    Not only for ice cream-
    But to posses such a
    Beautiful thing
    To wear it.
    Wanting it
    To work it’s magic-
    Of inspiration
    And slimming.
    There will be hard rides
    Curiously Neopolitan in their
    Glorious memories
    Ending with a frozen reward.
    A vicious cycle.

  36. Comment by Lori P. | 07.7.2012 | 10:03 am

    Lol so overwhelmed was I by the need to write poetry
    I forgot to sign my post above.
    Love the jersey.

  37. Comment by Tmac | 07.7.2012 | 4:48 pm

    Fatty, I sit here with tears of desire flowing down my cheeks. I love fatty and all it stands for, but alas, the clothing never fits a true fatty!!! Can we talk to twin six to get some big guy sizes? The xxl is cute, bu fits like a euro disco shirt!!! Please help me support fatty, a man can only buy so many socks, stickers, and water bottles!

  38. Comment by Bicycle Bill | 07.7.2012 | 6:17 pm

    Real cyclists
    Are not afraid to wear pink
    In public.

    Jan Ulrich wore pink
    When riding for T-Mobile.
    Team ONCE wore pink
    On the Tour de France.
    Team Lampre
    Still does.
    In front of the entire world.

    Fat Cyclists are expected,
    To wear pink.

    Pink in memory of Susan.

    Pink in memory
    Of any cancer victim.
    Pink in honor
    Of any cancer survivor.
    Because cancer sux.

    When I am riding
    I will wear pink.
    I will wear it proudly.

    I shall climb hills.
    I shall defeat headwinds.
    I shall laugh at rains.
    I shall persevere.
    Because I am not riding for myself
    And I am not riding by myself.

    I am riding with Lance
    And with my aunt
    And with George
    And with the countless multitude
    Of those whose lives have been touched
    In some way or another
    By cancer.

    And until cancer has finally been conquered
    I will fight like Susan.


  39. Comment by Paul M | 07.7.2012 | 9:29 pm

    Apropos to nothing… Are they showing Golden Corral ads during the tour in all markets or just here in Austin?

    I was thinking… I wonder who on earth follows the tour AND would go to GC for the chocolate fountain, and realized… it’s us.

  40. Comment by davidh,marin | 07.7.2012 | 11:56 pm

    @Paul M Yes the GC ads are showing here in No Cal and I do not know of any aound here.

    Yes they are fo us…and all the other ’sports fans’ who are watching OLN, oh my bad, I meant VERSUS, oh still bad, Universal Sports. What, it’s not called that either. NBCSports…really?

    Do they still have Bull Riding and Bass Fishing, or is the ‘Golden Corral’ the only thing left from the old days. Even the creepy ‘happy guy’ from the male enhancement ads is gone.

  41. Comment by Robert | 07.8.2012 | 5:49 am

    It is bold!
    It is stripey!
    And I WANT it!

  42. Comment by Robert | 07.8.2012 | 5:54 am

    Oh, and what about the bibshorts?

  43. Comment by KT | 07.8.2012 | 3:46 pm

    Love, love, love it!!!!

  44. Comment by Doug P | 07.8.2012 | 5:18 pm

    Not my best look for today
    I will pass this time.

    Thank you.


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