Free Verse Friday: Panicky Scrambling the Day Before a Race

07.13.2012 | 7:10 am

201207082022.jpgA Note from Fatty: As you may have noticed, we are down to the last few days of the 2013 gear pre-order. And there is certainly plenty of nice gear to order.

But what if you don’t have a ton of money to spend on a jersey and shorts right now?

Well, in that case, allow me to recommend you get yourself the FatCyclist Cycling Cap. It’s a nice wicking material — the same material used in the jerseys — that’ll fit well under your helmet.

It looks great with formalwear, too.

And at $25, it costs less than a cup of coffee at Starbucks. (Provided the Starbucks is in Disneyland and you get a slice of banana bread to go with it, but you get the point.).

One size fits most. (And if you get it and it turns out you’re not one of the “most,” you can either return it or rejoice in the fact that you have just done some of your Christmas shopping really early and without even really trying.)

Click here for more info and to order, if you’d be so kind.

Panicky Scrambling the Day Before a Race

Tomorrow is the day
The day of the race
The Crusher in the Tushar
The first important endurance race
Of the year
Let us celebrate with song!


I am a fool
Such a fool
How is it possible that I am such a fool?

Have I not known?
Is not the date on my calendar circled?
Have not my friends
And my wife
Talked and written of little else
For nigh on many months?
(In Grizzly Adam’s case)
Or at least weeks?
(In everyone else’s case)  


If I have known
Then why is it
I have not begun packing
Why is it
I have not studied the course?
Why is it
I sit here
Writing poetry
Poetry which I well know
Has no artistic merit

Why do I sit here still?
I should be
Making a pile
Containing the things
I need for the ride!

(For the love of all that’s good in the world do not forget the jersey!)
CarboRocket 333!
(I cannot believe that for a moment I forgot glasses)
GoPro Hero 2 Camera!
(Yes! I have a new helmetcam!)  
K-Edge mounts!
(Yes! I got some nice aftermarket mounts!)
HoneyStinger Waffles
HoneyStinger Energy Chews

And I’m pretty sure
There is something else
I have forgotten


I am sure!
That is
I am sure there is something
Something important!
That I have forgotten
For I know myself
Well enough
To know
There is always something
I have forgotten
The only question
Is how important

So why do I sit here
Typing, typing
As if I have nothing better to do?

Is it because I fear this race?
I do not fear this race
For I do not know enough to fear it
And perhaps
That is what I fear
I will line up
Dumb and happy
And then be crushed
Utterly and completely
By all and sundry
And by “sundry” I of course
mean the course.


That is what I had forgotten
The bike.
Or at least
That is one of the things I had forgotten
You know
As well as I
That if you remember something
Before you leave
It was not really
The thing you have forgotten

I am not prepared
I am not prepared
I am not prepared
I am screwed.

Thank you.  


  1. Comment by Math. | 07.13.2012 | 8:02 am

    You know, these free verse Friday just keeps getting better and better!!!

  2. Comment by MellowJonny | 07.13.2012 | 8:11 am

    Fatty, will you post some videos on your blog with the new head cam? That would be great to see!

  3. Comment by GenghisKhan | 07.13.2012 | 8:11 am

    I thought you said you were making pie here:

    “I should be
    Making a pile

    And got sad when I realized it was pile

    Good luck crushing your tush!

  4. Comment by Jenni | 07.13.2012 | 9:47 am

    Definitely make pie

  5. Comment by Jim B | 07.13.2012 | 9:56 am

    Here I ride, broken hearted,
    riding roads in lands uncharted,
    making circles with no intention,
    an unplanned course (I need not mention.)
    A longish ride is getting longer,
    wishing my quads were that much stronger.
    I ride alone, the sun is in its drops,
    at a mart I stop to drink some hops.
    Resigned, a call goes out to my wife,
    who replies, “When will you grow up and get a life?”

    All couplets rhyme, as well you see;
    it’s not free verse, because nothing is free.

    Thank you

  6. Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 07.13.2012 | 10:03 am

    Fatty appears to be entering his Hunter S. Thompson phase.

  7. Comment by JRay | 07.13.2012 | 10:12 am

    Long white line, Today it’s just you and me
    The computer is on the fritz and I’m getting dizzy.
    I need to get out; I’m going half crazy
    Cooks to Roland n back, that won’t seem too lazy.
    ‘Cross Big Dam Bridge and out Two Rivers Park
    County Farm Rd. Up Pinnacle Valley
    I have no idea how far, no idea how fast
    What is my heart rate? Is my cadence OK?
    The weather is awesome! Roland comes much too quickly
    I wasn’t pushing too hard I wasn’t feeling too swiftly
    The white line stretched out like a long lost friend
    I felt like a kid on dad’s old Varsity Schwinn
    Traffic is light, the road is smooth and I get lost in the ride
    What an awesome change in mood.
    Beautiful silence, just birds and breathing
    Roland Cut-off; not one car passes.
    No computer today, No worries today,
    Just me and my beautiful friend
    I Love When I am riding.
    Thank You…

  8. Comment by Mark | 07.13.2012 | 10:17 am

    Here I sit reading blogs
    Feeling unmotivated with no goals
    Wish I had a race to think about
    To get my a$$ out the door
    OK, have a blast, the story will be good
    I’m getting up now
    To get moving

    Thank You

  9. Comment by Steve | 07.13.2012 | 10:23 am

    One size fits most
    Is there a crueler phrase for the large-headed?
    For there is no need to even try the garment on
    As I already know my head is not one of the most
    Alas I will have to make do
    With an aging threadbare XL cycling cap that was briefly sold
    And dream of a new hat that will fit
    My enormous head

  10. Comment by Maile in Florida | 07.13.2012 | 10:24 am

    I know it’s inadequate, but–that was awesome! The last final cry from the heart… I *so* identify.

  11. Comment by davidh,marin | 07.13.2012 | 10:41 am

    Alas, I feel your pain
    The Sierras
    The Death Ride
    On a tandem
    Maybe there’s a chance
    my stoker will fall
    GregC said it best;
    “on a tandem”
    “are you nuts!!!!”
    well of course
    I’m a FATTY!

    Thank you

    Good luck and good filming. No camera for us, it won’t be pretty.

  12. Comment by GenghisKhan | 07.13.2012 | 10:53 am

    For your Friday the Thirteenth celebration:

  13. Comment by Ryan | 07.13.2012 | 11:20 am

    Glad I am not the only one. See you tomorrow.

  14. Comment by JL | 07.13.2012 | 11:55 am

    Take the mountain bike. It will be better in the severe thunderstorms you are likely to have tomorrow. Good luck.

  15. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 07.13.2012 | 12:12 pm

    Don’t forget the sunscreen. :)

  16. Comment by cyclingjimbo | 07.13.2012 | 1:10 pm

    Here we sit,
    Anxious, alert, awaiting

    When now is / was the Tour de Donut,
    And when will we see the race report?

    Oh Fatty, you have us hooked!
    We sit on pins and needles,
    Waiting for your missives!
    Hooked. Indeed.

    Spare us

    Thank you

  17. Comment by Skye | 07.13.2012 | 1:57 pm

    Free verse Friday on Friday
    makes sense this week,
    as today is Friday
    and seems like one, too.
    My panic is ensured not by a race
    but by the optimistic listing
    of my house
    for sale
    without another one
    picked out
    or even dreamed up.
    So… now to live out of a duffle bag
    in my best friend’s baby’s bedroom?
    While I paint and re-floor, and clean clean clean
    and wistfully oogle my shiny bike
    sitting neglected on the porch
    while back and forth to
    Home Depot I drive.
    and over
    and over,
    7 trips in as many days.
    Poor bike.
    We’ll be back together soon, I promise.
    And we’ll live somewhere too.
    I promise.

    Thank you.

  18. Comment by Doomsday Machine | 07.13.2012 | 2:22 pm

    Chamois cream!

  19. Comment by Eric L | 07.13.2012 | 2:42 pm

    Welcome to GoPro fun Fatty. I love mine. I hope this means the next time you do a triathlon you will film the swim so we can see what it’s like to have people swim over you.

    Make sure to buy the biggest memory card you can lay hands on.

    Good luck on the race!

  20. Comment by mykill | 07.13.2012 | 4:22 pm

    Doing a friend a favor
    Putting their beater back together
    My weekend started early
    My fingers filmed with grease
    Now on my keyboard
    And on my lucky pint glass
    Tomorrow i do not race
    But simply ride
    At a casual pace
    Wife by my side
    (or maybe a few lengths back)
    For the spawn are at the grands’
    And we get to ride together!
    As we tour around the bay
    We ride together at last!
    (Or maybe a few lengths away)

    Thank you (and good luck on the race Fatty and good luck on the house Skye. And DavidH needs something besides luck, i wish whatever that is his way)

  21. Comment by AKChick55 | 07.13.2012 | 11:01 pm

    Good Luck Fatty and The Hammer. You both will do well. Can’t wait to here how the cross performed. :)

    DavidH – I can’t believe you’re going to do the Death Ride. On a tandem. You are crazy. I hope it’s the carbon fiber tandem!!!

    Allez Fatties!

  22. Comment by FujiPixie13 | 07.14.2012 | 5:29 am

    Today, it’s off to work I go,
    To wish outside my window to be.
    With my Pixie to feel like I’m flying,
    And letting the wheels spin under me.
    While Fatty stresses and starts the Tushar,
    I will be wishin I had a bike ride today to be doing.
    Tomorrow, tomorrow, on my mint green/white bike I shall be,
    Finally away from the worries of work, to be free.

    Thank you.

    (And to Eric L, I can’t wait to see what Fatty comes back with on the GoPro, too!!!)

  23. Comment by Nancy Peacock | 07.14.2012 | 3:28 pm

    Love your dirge Fatty! Hope everything goes better than you expect. You don’t sound too optimistic but I’m sure you’ll do just fine.

  24. Comment by Henry | 07.14.2012 | 5:18 pm

    Dont forget your Garmin! I forgot mine today…


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