How About for Today’s Post I Just Do This

07.17.2014 | 8:23 am

So, I’m in Austin all this week. Working. Which is fine. But what I’m about to tell you is not fine. It is dumb.

Or more to the point, I am dumb.

I got to the office early, so I could write the final entry for my Rockwell Relay race report before heading out to an offsite meeting. I unlocked the office, set up my computer, and then went to use the bathroom — which is down the hall from my office.

So far so good.

But when I finished and headed back to the office — which nobody else is at, cuz they’re all going to the offsite —  it’s locked.

And my key is in the office. As is my computer.

So instead of a story about racing, today you get this story about doofishness, which is about as much as I am willing to write using my phone.

Also, you get this selfie, to give you a sense of how smart I feel right now:

For those who are wondering: I’m renting a Kia Rio. And yes, I luckily had the keys to my car in my pocket, instead of leaving them in my computer bag like I usually do. So I still have a way to get to the offsite.

I just won’t have a computer.

Or any snacks.


  1. Comment by Brian in VA | 07.17.2014 | 8:33 am

    Been there.

    Done that.

    Have several t-shirts.

  2. Comment by Tom in Albany | 07.17.2014 | 8:47 am

    Doofy-Selfies rock!

  3. Comment by MicroTim | 07.17.2014 | 8:53 am

    That was hilarious… until the no snacks part. That is downright terrifying!

  4. Comment by pbrmeasap | 07.17.2014 | 9:00 am

    I locked my keys in my car just days ago with my work clothes as I went for a lunch ride. Nothing like sitting around in the office in full cycling gear waiting for AAA for two hours.

  5. Comment by Doug (Way upstate NY) | 07.17.2014 | 9:27 am

    Once again the bodily functions have done you in. You have restored my faith in the consistency of how the universe works!

  6. Comment by darrin | 07.17.2014 | 9:42 am

    If you don’t go to Franklin’s BBQ, La Barbecue, or Mickelthwait’s you’re really messing up.

  7. Comment by Jeremy | 07.17.2014 | 9:48 am


    No Snacks!!

  8. Comment by MikeL | 07.17.2014 | 9:57 am

    At last we know the real life inspiration for Wallace.


  9. Comment by MikeL | 07.17.2014 | 9:58 am

    The image did not come through but here is the link.

  10. Comment by PNP | 07.17.2014 | 10:10 am

    Wallace! Laughed out loud on that one. Perfect!

  11. Comment by J | 07.17.2014 | 10:24 am

    Head to the SaltLick. You’ll smell the BBQ a mile away. That’s a decent way to pass the time AND get snacks.

  12. Comment by UpTheGrade, SR, CA | 07.17.2014 | 11:20 am

    Your bathroom adventures are hilarious, at least in hindsight (I’m sure it wasn’t funny at the time)

    I was recently on a long ride and availed of a porta-potty at the rest stop. It was obviously on uneven ground cause as I sat back, it nearly tipped over! That could have been infinitely more embarrassing.

  13. Comment by ScottR | 07.17.2014 | 1:00 pm

    That picture is really freaking me out…

  14. Comment by Eric L | 07.17.2014 | 1:10 pm

    I see that photo and I can imagine your twins giggling hysterically.

  15. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 07.17.2014 | 1:27 pm

    I believe the twins are now teenagers, or very close to it. Rolling the eyes is probably closer to the truth, if they’re anything close to my daughter.

    She wouldn’t let me get out of the car in my slippers at ‘camp’ drop-off this morning. And they’re ‘manly’ (enough) slippers.

  16. Comment by Tina | 07.17.2014 | 7:34 pm

    Ditto on what ScottR said. =)

  17. Comment by Fatty | 07.17.2014 | 9:18 pm

    I told The Hammer that I did “the face” in my post today and now she refuses to read my blog. It weirds out EVERYONE who sees it.

  18. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 07.17.2014 | 9:53 pm

    What if the face we are familiar with is ‘the face’, and this picture is just the everyday look?

  19. Comment by UpTheGrade, SR, CA | 07.17.2014 | 10:29 pm

    Let’s call it your “bathroom face”

    Whenever you refer to bodily function issues in the future, I will be picturing this selfie!

  20. Comment by Evan in CA | 07.17.2014 | 10:46 pm

    I have to agree with the Hammer, it is a bit…um…startling. It looks like you should be in a Dr. Seuss book/movie or something. And I mean that in only the best of ways, of course.

  21. Comment by Rokrider | 07.18.2014 | 12:21 am

    I knew I’d seen that face somewhere before.


  22. Comment by Tom in Albany | 07.18.2014 | 5:38 am

    Hey Fatty. Check out the photo under #5 of this link. Look familiar??

  23. Comment by Dave T | 07.18.2014 | 8:12 am

    Could you hold that face during a race because that looks pretty AERO and intimidating all at the same time. I once locked myself out of my own house just before I needed to get ready to go to a friend’s wedding.

  24. Comment by Marty | 07.18.2014 | 9:24 am

    What’s that under your left eye. Were you crying?

  25. Comment by Paul | 07.18.2014 | 10:16 am

    Click on “The Face”, it rotates and get’s Real Big! Ha Ha, classic.

  26. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 07.18.2014 | 10:52 am

    Personally I think of Cagney when I see Elden:


    (now who’s old enough to name the film?)

  27. Comment by Heidi | 07.18.2014 | 11:21 am

    What’s a Cagney? Ha, just kidding…

  28. Comment by Isaac | 07.18.2014 | 11:41 am

    I assumed that photo had to have been manipulated at least a little bit.

    Now I’m very frightened. Faces should not be able to do that. At least not *human* faces.

  29. Comment by Brian in VA | 07.18.2014 | 11:41 am

    By the way, County Line Barbeque is my all-time favorite joint for Texas BBQ. Highly recommended.

  30. Comment by Ginger | 07.18.2014 | 1:13 pm

    Fatty, I feel like you are turning into the George RR Martin of blog posts. Will we ever find out what happens at the Rockwell Relay? Who gets to sit on the, I mean podium? Will Kenny ever get to ride a dragon? I need to know!

  31. Comment by Tina | 07.18.2014 | 1:28 pm

    @Ginger, lol! Very apt analogy!

  32. Comment by Bee | 07.18.2014 | 2:28 pm

    If you have no snacks, you shall surely perish.

    That, plus that guy who posted the clown picture, make this blog a horror story today. I’m going to bed with all the lights on.

    No snacks. shudder.

  33. Comment by MikeL | 07.18.2014 | 3:15 pm

    Davidh. Cagney in “Man of a Thousand Faces”

  34. Comment by Libby | 07.18.2014 | 4:08 pm

    I personally get a chuckle out of the selfie…

  35. Comment by spaceyace | 07.18.2014 | 4:51 pm

    Fatty neglected his keys,
    And the door went “kerplot!”
    Fatty cheated today’s entry;
    a race report it was not.
    Instead he gave us a picture:
    A weird selfie shot.
    But, despite disappointment
    We took what we got.
    In fact, every Who down in Whoville
    Quite liked it a lot.

  36. Comment by Marty | 07.18.2014 | 5:01 pm

    FC-you’ve sent me down the “FAT” trail. I’m a Rotund Rider heading off to ride RAGBRAI…on a fat bike. 418 miles of loud tires.


  37. Comment by davidh-Marin,ca | 07.18.2014 | 7:36 pm

    Congrats to MikeL who wins a pie for his answer. Stop by the tent @ Levi’s Gran Fondo to claim your prize. Let me know what kind you like.

    @Bee that was one of the gentl’r shots. And who doesn’t like a clown?

  38. Comment by VA Biker | 07.20.2014 | 2:31 pm

    I have a question about “The Face”, as it took time and practice to get that “right”. So, how long has it taken to get to the final, crafted product we see here?

    I have been freaking people out with that face since I was a pre-teen. And yeah, I think I spent some time in front of the mirror crafting it.

    Interesting note: The Hammer forbids me to do that face around her. It weirds her out and she refuses to come back to my blog until this is no longer the default post.

    - FC

  39. Comment by MattC | 07.20.2014 | 3:37 pm

    @Jeana…we’re pretty much a family here at Fatty’s…yes, I am known to be brain dead much of the time…but these people here in the comments section are my friends….let’s not get mean and personal to people you don’t know, huh? Unless you like getting virtually pounded upon by the THOUSANDS of Friends of Fatty. Just a thought.

  40. Comment by MattC | 07.20.2014 | 3:40 pm

    Oh…and Aloha everybody! Vacationing in Hawaii right now (since last Tuesday). Boy, vacation is HARD WORK I tell you…don’t even have time to keep up w/ le Tour or Fatty’s…(save all that for when I’m back at work).

    Uh-oh…it’s almost noon…time for Mai-Tai’s (again). Hard work I tell you! (just finished coffee and custard pie for breakfast).


  41. Comment by CycleMedic26 | 07.21.2014 | 8:26 am

    I need a final report on the Rockwell Relay. I’m dying here man! Diggin the face though.

  42. Comment by Andy@wdw | 07.21.2014 | 8:38 am

    DavidH, you can’t fool me, those aren’t your feet in those bunny slippers! Real Genius is one of my favorite movies!

  43. Comment by Libby | 07.21.2014 | 12:34 pm

    @Jeana…as MattC says, we’re (they’re?) a family. I love reading the kidding that goes on here, especially the dog’s comments, he’s brilliant.

    As for FC’s other places of chat, he’s twittered and Strava’d, not sure about FB…looked but there is a spanish FC. Just search “Fat Cyclist” or “FatCyclist”

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