It’s Always Sad When You Have to Disappoint Someone

09.9.2014 | 10:36 am

This will be a short post today, and is in fact just a quick explanation I think I owe my readers.

Yesterday, one of the comments read (edited for topicality):


Yes, that’s right. For the first time in four years, I won’t be going to Levi’s GranFondo

I know, I know. It’s crushing, horrible news. Especially for everyone who is going to the GranFondo. And for Bike Monkey, the organizers of the GranFondo.

And for Levi himself, I’m sure.

To each and every one of you whom I have disappointed by my not being able to attend, I apologize. I recognize that without me, the event simply won’t be the same. That there will be a certain listlessness to the ride. That — before, during and after the event — people may just feel lost without me there. That, above all, my lack of prose about the ride will leave people feeling completely unable to express (or even feel) joy on this day.

To all of you, I apologize. I wish I could be there to inspire you with my riding style, my dapper outfits, my disarming smile and my insightful remarks.

Truly, I do wish I could be there. Almost as much as you wish I could be there. 

Please, do not be sad. 

I choose, at this time, to not reveal why I won’t be attending. Let’s just say that my reasons are good and sufficient and legal, and leave it at that.

Meanwhile, if you can, please go to Levi’s GranFondo. Ride it. Enjoy the scenery (to the degree that’s possible considering I am not there). Enjoy each other’s company, trying to push out the thought of, “I wish it were Fatty talking with me right now instead of this other, less-beloved person.”

Enjoy the food, if food has any savor at all to you when I am not present.

I will be back next year, if…circumstances allow for it. 

Until then, know that as much as you miss my presence there, I miss myself even more.


  1. Comment by Justin L. | 09.9.2014 | 10:53 am

    great, you ruined my day, at least until the new watch is announced in a few minutes. Riding it won’t be the same now, i signed up just to watch the donut mini bike race, oh well, i am sure it will be a good time, first time i will make it after last year getting hurt the week before it.

  2. Comment by Turt99 | 09.9.2014 | 10:54 am

    That is it! I’m not read this blog anymore, until tomorrow!

  3. Comment by Carl | 09.9.2014 | 10:55 am

    I have a great idea! Why don’t you take the next few years off work and you and The Hammer spend a day riding with each of us on our favorite route where we live?

  4. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 09.9.2014 | 11:04 am

    The recovery from the Utah Tour de Donut is going to be that hard, huh?

  5. Comment by Carl | 09.9.2014 | 11:12 am

    I was wondering if you were still doing the Utah Tour de Donut Fatty! I just did the Ohio Tour de Donut on Saturday. A competitive eater from New York City came and did the 64 mile race in an adjusted time of 21 minutes because he ate 48 donuts!

  6. Comment by Andy@wdw | 09.9.2014 | 11:49 am

    Just think of how much more pie there will be for everyone else!

  7. Comment by Libby | 09.9.2014 | 11:50 am

    At least your reason is legal. Or so you say.

    hmmm donuts…levi fondo? what fondo?…donuts…

  8. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 09.9.2014 | 11:51 am

    @Carl Excellent Idea!
    @Justin, you injured the week before? I injured the day before. Fatty was to be my rabbit.
    Like you, sad there will be no Fatty, but I know the Thompsons are in, YannB, AngieG, LeighAnne, LauraS, Mike Colon, I hope we’ll see them there. Let me know who’s coming, I’ll still bring PIE. As for a ’star guest’ maybe we can get The Noodle to make an appearance….and tell us a story. Just remember to bring her beer(s).

    @Fatty is Lisa busy?

  9. Comment by Papa Bear | 09.9.2014 | 12:07 pm

    I have been expressly forbidden to go to Levi’s fondo by Levi himself, Levi’s lawyers, and the US Superior Court due to my extreme ugliness and the fact that I ride a recumbent; therefore, I will expressly NOT miss you at this event. I will try to miss you just for the fun of it though.

  10. Comment by PNP | 09.9.2014 | 1:49 pm

    @Davidh–when will we get to hear about your trip to Italy?

  11. Comment by Levi's GranFondo | 09.9.2014 | 2:29 pm

    This is indeed disappointing news. While we’ve always considered our ride to be a high priority in Fatty’s life, perhaps we were inaccurate in that assumption. Absent a reason of some monumental aspect, we here at Levi’s GranFondo are fairly certain what message FC is trying to communicate and, while it saddens us, does relieve us of certain worrisome obligations.

    Please be advised of forthcoming correspondence. All our best in resolving your affairs. Here’s hoping your return to form is somewhere on your personal horizon.

    What? – FC

  12. Comment by Jenni | 09.9.2014 | 2:51 pm


    Yeah. WHAT?! – FC

  13. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 09.9.2014 | 2:51 pm

    @PNP What I did on my Summer Vacation is a work in progress. Suffice to say that Fatty’s prodigious accomplishments, and extended reporting have been the shield I hide behind when asked the same thing by Wife#1.

    I meekly reply, “but there hasn’t been a chance for that story”.

    And talk about feeling inadequate. I thought I had a pretty good story to tell, till The Hammer nailed us all!

    excuses aside I will send Fatty a draft by this weekend.

  14. Comment by UpTheGrade, SR, CA | 09.9.2014 | 3:22 pm

    Truely crushed! No pie, I mean Fatty at the Fondo. At least @DavidH is going to bring pie and now given your non-reason for non-attending, w can endlessly debate the obviously inadaquate excuse/reasons:
    - Levi’s lawyers are waiting to serve you, and its not pie
    - Those giant quads you were sporting in the Leadville photos no longer fit on an airplane
    - You are worried about showing Levi up and so bowed out so he can save face
    - @DavidH threatened to “thank” you for giving him the “opportunity” to ride 3 giant mountain stages in Italy, just as soon as he saw you next
    - Its too dry out here in California and you were worried about your sensitive skin
    …the possibilities are endles

  15. Comment by PNP | 09.9.2014 | 4:19 pm

    @davidh Thanks for the update. I’ll be very interested to hear about your Italian adventure!

  16. Comment by davidh-Marin,ca | 09.9.2014 | 6:16 pm

    @UpTheGrade I was going to ‘Thank’ Fatty @RPI for those Italian climbs, but The Hammer was there, and after she shot me that ‘killer’ smile, I chickened out.

  17. Comment by davidh-Marin,ca | 09.9.2014 | 6:17 pm

    So who is coming to Levi’s, and should we have PIE?

  18. Comment by Grego | 09.9.2014 | 6:19 pm

    Oh Fatty, it is too bad that you don’t have the legs to ride Levi’s GF. It must be all the brats you ate while idly pacing the Hammer around Lead- (stomach) ville this year. And all the brats you ate at most other times… Yeah, the brats.

  19. Comment by UpTheGrade, SR, CA | 09.9.2014 | 9:58 pm

    @DavidH, I will be at the GranFondo, even with the heartbreaking lack of Fatty and the Hammer’s illustrious presence . In fact, I’ll be a marshal this year, so you’all better mind your road manners ;-)

    I’ll be happy to bring a pie for after ride refueling with FoF.

  20. Comment by shaun the sheep episodes | 09.10.2014 | 10:44 am

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  21. Comment by George | 09.10.2014 | 11:14 am

    Perhaps headlocks are in order…

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  23. Comment by Gumby | 09.10.2014 | 11:50 am

    Headlocks? I think “All our best in resolving your affairs” sounds ominous, like Levi’s planning on taking it to a level above headlocks…

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