The Last Part of My Boggs Report. No Really Honest It Is

05.21.2015 | 9:26 am

When I last posted, I had just finished my second lap in near-record time (where “near-record” is defined as “less than a 50% variance”). I had ridden into the transition area, looking for Jeff, who now needed to do his second lap. 

But there was no Jeff to be found. 

“He was around earlier,” Levi said. “He went to use the bathroom or something, and now he’s disappeared.”

“Perhaps his attention drifted, he wandered into the woods, and he is now lost,” I postulated. “That’s happened to me before.”

“Or maybe he got hungry, distracting him from the race, and he went to make a sandwich,” I said. “That’s happened to me before too.”

“I don’t think Jeff’s very much like you,” said Levi, by way of both defending and complimenting Jeff.

“Maybe he’s having a serious bathroom crisis,” I suggested. “That’s happened to me…”

“Please stop talking,” Levi interrupted. 

So we went to find Jeff. Specifically, we went to the RV to see if he was somehow in there. He was not.

“Maybe he took off when he saw you come in,” Levi now guessed. “And we just didn’t see him go.”

Which was not in fact what happened. But it was close.

Well There’s Your Problem

The reason we couldn’t find Jeff was in fact this:

Thumb IMG 2376 1024

No, not that Dave Thompson and I had been taking selfies together.

It was that Dave Thompson came in just a few minutes before I did, and — since Dave and I are both tall and thin and handsome and were both wearing the WBR kit — Jeff mistook Dave for me.

This mistake would eventually make an enormous difference in our standings in the “retired pro cyclist, contest winner, and fat middle-aged blogger” team category, moving us from being the first team in our category to still being the first (and only) team in our category.

When he came back in and Levi took off, I applauded Jeff for his ingenuity. Indeed, I was all for adopting this technique — each person starting his lap approximately four minutes before the prior racer finished his — as a new team strategy.

“We’ll demolish all the other teams in the “retired pro / contest winner / beloved blogging icon” team category!” I enthused.

But Jeff couldn’t hear me; he was sprinting toward the timing tent to have the results corrected. Something about “ethics” and “doing the right thing.” 


All I know is that until Jeff had the extra four minutes added to our time (the time between when Dave finished his lap and I finished mine), we were a lock to win our race division. 

Now, thanks to Jeff, I had my work cut out for me.

My Final Lap

Levi somehow did his final, third lap in 44:23, setting the fastest time for the day. Which meant that I was free to go do another lap but —unless I was just a little bit faster than Levi — Jeff was done for the day.

I was not, to my shame, faster than Levi.

However, I did manage to have a lot of fun, connecting early in the lap with a guy on an Ibis Tranny, set up as a single speed. We talked for a bit about what a great bike the Tranny is, and I casually mentioned that I too have a Tranny set up as a single speed and had ridden it in the Leadville 100 last year.

I’m sure he was very impressed.

Then he rode away from me.

But then I caught back up with him.

Just before he rode away from me again.

This continued for pretty much the entire lap, until the final big downhill, where he got in front of me for good, which turned out to be a Very Good Thing; following this guy’s line helped me have my fastest, most confident descent of the day.

As I crossed the line, I was pretty proud of the fact that I had hung with this guy for the entire lap. Later, I would find that his name is Steven Mills, and that he had just done his eighth lap of the day, winning the Pro SS division.

At which point I became unsure whether I should be more proud (I had hung with a pro for a whole lap) or less (but only because he had done 2.5 the distance I had). 

Cycling can be so emotionally complicated.

In any case, we had won our category, somehow fending off other retired pro / contest winner / balding blogger teams, each of which was equally imaginary. Here we are on our rightful place on the podium:


I take full credit for this achievement, as I believe is proper. 


The next morning, some of us would do the Super-D. Jeff should probably get a trophy for best-planned flat in the history of the world: he basically flatted and DNF’d within spitting distance of our RV.

Dave Thompson and I would both finish the Super-D, though our times would cause any reasonable person to say we had raced a Mediocre-D.

In the process, we had an incredible weekend at this race. At times intense, at times relaxing, always fun.

I’m coming back next year. 


  1. Comment by Doug (Way Upstate NY) | 05.21.2015 | 9:38 am

    Well I am glad to see that Jeff’s location caused some consternation off the race course. Because on the race course there was similar, though opposite confusion….

    Jeff of course was the least confused (or most confused) of all of us. Blissfully biking along without a care in the world.

  2. Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 05.21.2015 | 10:08 am

    Where’s the sign-up for next year’s Mediocre-D? Because that podium has my name ALL OVER it!

  3. Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 05.21.2015 | 10:11 am

    Also, it’s worth noting–I have a super-high need for integrity … at least until the stakes are really high. Sure, I might cheat if it were the difference between being a minor league and major league baseball player. But if it’s the difference between a 1:14 lap and a 1:18 lap in a race where I’m guaranteed the top step of the podium, there’s no way I’m cheating.

    And this isn’t just me. It’s a trait that extends throughout New England. Why, just down the metaphorical street from me, there’s Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. They would never cheat, and neither would I.

    Unless, of course, the stakes were high enough.

  4. Comment by Anon | 05.21.2015 | 11:53 am


    Guess you get a coke from me after all! =P

    Also, totally a grin-worthy moment when Levi told you to stop talking. =)

  5. Comment by DNF | 05.21.2015 | 12:32 pm

    Yeah, What happened to the Tranny??

    As I recall, it was once the greatest bike you owned…

    So, how, and when, did it lost its top standing in your heart??

    I still love the Tranny. But Cannondale has been kind enough to offer to let me long-term test their bikes this season, so of course I’m going to write about what I’m riding. – FC

  6. Comment by GregC | 05.21.2015 | 7:00 pm

    I really enjoyed the interview/ race update/ celebrity talk- sorry I was not one of the 4 people actually on-line when this was live! I think I’d liek a chance at the Mediocre-D categories as well!

  7. Comment by sr | 05.21.2015 | 7:44 pm

    Fatty, I enjoy your writing so much. As a non-cyclist, race reports just don’t cross my horizon that often. But the way you write about them- so, so funny. All these random details that make them interesting and alive. Thank you.

  8. Comment by MattC | 05.22.2015 | 8:05 am

    Fatty, are you standing on your tippy-toes in that podium pic? It’s hard to tell, as your feet are ‘conveniently’ hidden behind the bottles (sneaky, very sneaky).

  9. Comment by Rockstarster | 05.22.2015 | 9:52 am

    This is a FASCINATING story. Now that we are through the niceties, where’s the new bike build video/live feed for which I have been tuning in ALL WEEK? This is akin to my parents giving me a Christmas present that I am not allowed to open. Ever.


    I’ll be talking about the F-Si build and first ride(s) next week! – FC

  10. Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 05.22.2015 | 9:54 am

    @Rockstarster, to make matters worse, once you suffer through the wait and CAN eventually open it, your parents won’t let you ride it.


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