A Note from Fatty: I love the stories of people riding 100 miles of nowhere who are actually out in the middle of nowhere.
As I stepped outside, the world’s largest hair drier was blowing. That’s the best way to describe the wind here in our “undisclosed location in southwest Asia.” When it’s this hot, about 115 degrees Fahrenheit, and the wind is blowing it feels like someone is holding a hair drier on you.
Throw in the blowing sand for your complimentary microderm abrasion treatment and you have a fairly typical day here.
It was about 1630 local (4:30 p.m. for you civilians) on 1 June. I had planned on doing my 100 Miles of Nowhere on 2 June as that was the target date but the facility where the spin bikes are located was not going to be open on Saturday.
So I adjusted.
I had never ridden 100 miles in one sitting before. My longest mileage was a 50 mile community fundraiser last July.
I made my way down to the tent where the bikes are located, open the door and it’s a slice of heaven. It’s only 85 or 90 degrees in the tent, which after 115 is really nice. Only one of the six air conditioning units is fired up and running and it’s not the one on the end of the tent where the bikes are located. When I arrived Jeremy was there, he had heard I was doing this ride and thought it would be a good challenge for him. He’d been doing spin for the last month or so but I don’t think he’d done anything near 30 miles on a bike let alone 100.
He’d already started so I felt under pressure, like I was late to the start line and needed to catch up. I never “caught up” with him though. I hurried and put out my race supplies: gummy bears, chocolate covered granola bars, Honey Stinger Vanilla waffle, my Fatty 100 MoN bottle with water and a couple bottles of Gatorade. And off I went.
The first 20 or 30 miles, no big deal, listening to the MP3 player (no iPod for me, not that I have anything against them) and reading a book off and on. Miles 40 to 50 and my backside started to feel a little uncomfortable nothing big just sitting for so long was starting to get to me. My plan of standing and pedaling for two minutes every half hour was working decently.
Some back story: up until I deployed I’d never been to a spin class, but really this would be my only option for any cycling while I was over here. About three months of class attendance three times a week and I was feeling pretty good with my spin ability and then our instructor informed us that he had too many other things going on and he would no longer be teaching spin.
Oh crap, there goes my workouts.
Well me and my roommate who also started spin when he got here volunteered to teach and had been for the last couple of months.
Knowing that I was going to be doing 100 miles my roommate was planning on teaching the spin class for Friday night but he ended up having to go do something with some bigwigs that he couldn’t get out of. So right before class was to start he brought over his iPod and left it with me to conduct the class. Some fellow classmates hooked it up the music and we got started after my 50 miles of warm up.
Actually the class was a nice break to the monotony of just pedaling. I laid off the resistance when I called it out for the rest of the class but I did do all the updowns and sprints that they did and that took me all the way to mile 67.
Uh oh, at mile 75 or 80 I get a notice from my body that told me I am a well hydrated individual and we would need to take care of this at some point. Between the music and reading I was able to put that thought out of my mind, heading out to a portojohn that’s as hot as an oven was not something I wanted to do.
There was a lot more standing and pedaling through the last ten miles or so as I pushed towards the end. Jeremy finished up a few miles before me.
And then it was over.
A small letdown though: the computers on the bikes don’t have a digit for the hundreds column so we only got to 99.9 miles.
Great ride for a great cause. Hopefully I can get in next year’s event. Thanks Fatty for putting this together and all the sponsors for the great schwag.
Oh yeah, I was also the winner of the “35-39 in an undisclosed location in southwest Asia in a tent” division.
The story of this year’s 100 Miles of Nowhere really started with the second edition of this event, when Fatty posted an opportunity to join him. Being a little out my gourd, I thought it would be a great way to raise money for LIVESTRONG by not just riding 100 miles, but “selling” miles for $5.00 a mile. I ended up riding 176 miles around a 0.15-mile loop at the top of my street. The following year, I upped the cost per mile to $10.00 a mile, thinking maybe I could get to $1000. Well, I did that and more, spinning 271.5 miles on a trainer in the park. Last year, I “only” rode 133 miles, with the intent of riding on rollers, as they seemed like the next great nowhere challenge. The rollers won. I cramped within 30 miles and had to move to the trainer. I was defeated.
For 2012, I decided the rollers and I had an appointment with destiny. I began aggressively training in February with the goal of completing the 100 Miles of Nowhere in under 5.5 hours. Instead of “selling” miles, I sold songs on my playlist during the ride. I got some pretty good songs to add to my ride playlist, too. Things were progressing nicely: I was raising money, gathering songs, and putting the hurt on my legs as they got leaner and stronger.
Then the bomb dropped. Mid-trainer session on May 15th, I got a phone call from my dad. My aunt, Lisa, who endured nearly five years of continuous chemo treatment to treat metastatic ovarian cancer passed away. My sweet, wonderful aunt, with the magnetic smile, wonderful wit, and huge heart was gone. Her memorial service was Friday, June 1st, at 2:00 in the afternoon. Over 500 people packed the church to say goodbye, a testament to how she touched lives.
Logistically, there was no possible way I could ride the 100 Miles of Nowhere on the 2nd with the travel for the service. Of course, this was only a minor inconvenience as the race can be completed alone and the race was very low on the priority list considering what had transpired. When we got home, late on the 2nd, I cooked up some rice cakes, set up the rollers and fans, built a box to aid my reach for bottles and food, and did final preparations on the playlist. So there it was, the FatCyclist.com 100 Miles of Nowhere – Late Because Cancer Sucks Edition.
The emotional and physical exhaustion of saying goodbye to my aunt led me to revise my plan and just start whenever I got up on the 3rd. Really, I wasn’t going to take longer than 5.5 hours total time anyway, right?
I got started at about 10:45 a.m. PST and immediately knew I had the legs to reach my goal. I felt like I was flying, like there was no chain. It was almost as if I had wings like Aunt Lisa’s cranes blowing in the breeze from the fans next to me.
Getting rolling
The cheering committee
Two hours and change later, I was 50 miles in and sweat-soaked, ready for my planned wardrobe change. (I know, gross, right?) The break was longer than I wanted, but was so needed. I ate and filled bottles before getting back on and cranking away. The reality of possibly going sub-5:00 was at the front of my brain.
Then it started to hurt. The doldrums set in between about miles 60 and 80 for me on most centuries. Mentally, I was cracking. Physically, I started to see big fluctuations in my 5-mile split times ,and I knew my legs were still good. Not great, but still good.
As I rolled past mile 70, I was on pace to be not just sub-5:00, but really, really close to sub-4:30. That’s total time, mind you, including the break and change of clothes. It was time to dig in and finish.
My girls checking on my progress
The miles ticked off and 4:30 seemed tantalizingly close, but still out of reach. Mile 90 came and went as I found myself powering through each pedal stroke, unable to maintain my starting cadence. Teeth clenched, I grunted my way past 95 and tried to increase my pace. In the end, I was about to explode as my 100-mile split popped up on the Garmin at 4:28. I nearly fell off the bike, sobbing with exhaustion, pain, and relief.
Grinding to the finish
The bright yellow crane Aunt Lisa’s students made as a part of the 1000+ they made in her honor I carried made it safely through the ride and will make the trip to Davis with me.
Exhausted, but done with Aunt Lisa’s crane
Sadness weighs heavy in my heart, but my aunt won. Her legacy lives on and lifted me up during the ride. Whatever pain I felt pales in comparison to those who spend months or years enduring surgeries and chemo- pales in comparison to what their families and children go through. Maybe, just maybe, what I do with Team Fatty can help ease that pain through LIVESTRONG and Camp Kesem.
My first century and my first time entering the 100 miles of nowhere, ended up being the 106 miles of nowhere, went surprisingly well. I have been riding for 20 years, 11 years as a mountain biker and 9 years ago got into the road side of cycling. I use my road bike for commuting to and from work most days and ride my mountain bike on the weekends for fun. The longest ride I had ever done was 64 miles and that was a few years ago. I regularly ride 40 to 45 miles a day for my commute to work so I knew I should be okay as long as I ate well. My plan was to ride a 3 mile loop around our neighborhood then once the kids were up and going I’d ride a .4 mile loop around the park near our house with them. The 3 mile loop has about 50 feet of climbing per lap, and I planned on an easy, all day pace.
I woke up at 5am to get a head start on this ride and woke to the sound of rain. Here in SE Washington we don’t get a lot of rain. Only when you plan a large outdoor event will a rain storm come through. At least it was warm at 62 degrees. Being a bike commuter I have fenders (SKS Raceblades, highly recommended) I put on my road bike whenever it rains and some Pearl Izumi barrier lite shoe covers to keep my feet dry. It was early and my face showed much enthusiasm.
Not my happy face
So off I went at about 5:40 am and started riding. The first 30 miles were fairly uneventful until I got a flat tire. So I turned around headed to the garage to fix the flat, make a pit stop, and eat a snack. By this time the rain had let off, the wind was picking up and the roads were starting to dry out. I took the fenders off, hosed the grit off my bike, and rode another 20 miles.
The sun came out and was pushing 75 degrees by 9:15 and I went home to change clothes, pick up the kids and my wife, and eat again. It took about 30 minutes to get them ready.
My wife joined us in our .4 mile loop a few minutes later and escaped photo proof of her riding but she was there. I had also switched to my mountain bike so I could have some help. My 5 year old son was all too willing to push me along.
We spent about an hour and half goofing off riding around the park, through a monster puddle the rain left behind and logged about 6 1/2 miles. The family went in to eat lunch about 11:15, I went and jumped on my road bike for more of my 3 mile loop.
About 30 minutes later my phone rings and my wife made me lunch so I went home and ate the best sandwich, like, ever. And I went back out. Since I brought up food, I had been eating a Double Chocolate Crisp Harvest Bar or a Honey Stinger Waffle and a Vanilla Power Gel about every hour or so. After receiving my 100 MoN care package I fell in love with Honey Stinger Waffles. I ordered two cases one in honey and one vanilla. I ate 4 of them during the day, 2 of each flavor, 4 Harvest bars and about 4 Power Gels. I also had 6 bottles of water ready in the fridge so I could just grab some fresh ones whenever I came in for a pit stop.
So, back out on the road, I still had 31 miles to go to hit 100 and I was feeling pretty good but it was getting hot and the wind was blowing harder. The loop I was riding has a small rise into a headwind but the back side is a gentle downhill with a tailwind. I could cruise the back stretch at 20-22 mph then with a little effort I could maintain 18-19 mph into the wind. I kept checking my computer and saw that with some effort I could hit an average speed of 18 mph for the ride. From mile 83 on up I was determined to keep my speed above 19 mph. I watched my average go from 17.5 at mile 50 to 17.8 at mile 83. Time to start cranking, and eat anther HS Waffle. I hit mile 94, technically 100 miles between both bikes, but still at 17.9 mph, and I really wanted to see 100 on my odometer. I went back out and just drilled it for two more laps and finally hit the 18.0 mph mark and finished the ride with a lap around the park. So I rode 100 miles on the road bike and 6 with the kids.
I felt pretty good afterwards. I showered, ate a monster chicken burrito, and laid down for a bit. I would like thank my family for letting me spend all day riding my bike, and thank you Elden for a great charity event. I can’t wait for next one.
The 100 Miles of Nowhere was my first-ever attempt at completing a century ride. I am proud to say that not only did I complete the ride, but I also set some other personal records:
Most Laundry Per Mile
While I have spent many hours in my basement putting miles on my CycleOps Fluid Pro trainer, I usually have only been able to crank out one or two loads of laundry (washed and dried) during any one ride. During the 100 Miles of Nowhere, I completed five loads of laundry. Bonus: After the ride, I was able to convince my wife that I was too tired and sweaty to fold it.
Longest Time Spent in Basement
Sure, I have spent a few hours at a time cleaning the basement, here and there, but I have never spent six full hours in the basement on any one given day. The 100 Miles of Nowhere helped me get closely acclimated with the various nooks, crannies, and cobwebs in the southeast corner of my house.
Longest Nap in Between ‘Stages‘
Previously, my longest ride had been 67 miles. After the first 70 miles on the trainer, I decided that it was a good time for a quick break. I rinsed off, ate lunch with Mrs. Martin, and then fell asleep on the couch for an hour and a half. After the nap, I hopped back on the bike and finished my miles. I might have to try that next time I’m on a trail ride.
Most Mentions of Butthurt by Any One Person
As a beefy 6-foot, 275-lb rider, the chamois on my XXL Twin Six bib shorts was getting a bit more of a workout than it is used to. As a result, my backside was getting a little more of a workout than it had been used to. Because I know they care so deeply about the health and wellness of my rear end, I gave my family an ample amount of updates regarding my posterior distress. (Remind me to buy a bigger bottle of DZ Nuts before my next century in August.)
Most Fig Newtons Ate With Legs in Motion
I normally enjoy a sleeve or two of Fig Newtons while sitting on the couch, riding in the car, or leaning back in my cushy office chair. During the 100 Miles of Nowhere, however, I was able to set a personal record of eating two entire sleeves of Fig Newtons while riding on the trainer. Nabisco should give me an award or feature me in a commercial for their delicious morsels.
Consumption of Largest Post-Race Calzone
Most post-race meals consist of something relatively healthy in order to decrease recovery time. I, however, decided to eat the largest calzone that had ever been put in front of me in my life. Without the 100 Miles of Nowhere, I would not have been able to meet this challenge. It was my honor to consume the entire pizza pastry. However, I turned down the remaining 3/4ths of my wife’s calzone when she asked if I wanted to finish hers.
Including my longest-ever ride, that makes seven personal records set during the 100 MoN. I can’t wait until next year.
A Note from Fatty: I am pretty sure that Bill has set a new high bar for the “nowhere” part of “100 Miles of Nowhere.” Which is to say, the course he set seems even more demanding and tedious than riding rollers on a trainer for 100 miles, because at least with rollers or a trainer, you can watch movies or a TV or something. Riding 3000 times around a circular driveway, however, means that you get all the tedium of a trainer, without any of the speed or variety of a bike.
So last Saturday, as I had previously announced, I undertook to ride 100 miles on my bicycle. In my driveway. My circle driveway that constitutes a course of 1/30th of a mile per lap. I’d hereby like to confirm what all of you are thinking: I am an idiot.
But I’m also lucky enough to have the greatest bunch of friends, family, and colleagues an idiot like me could ever ask to have. And so, instead of having to go around telling everybody “Hey, I rode a 100 miles in my driveway last weekend!” – because I’m also, oddly, proud of that idiotic stunt – I can instead say “Hey, I raised over $800 for the American Diabetes Association in one day this weekend!” And THEN proceed to tell everybody how I’m an idiot.
I could also just show them the footage from the 3000 Laps to Nowhere LapCam®:
Yep. That was just three laps. In all, I completed 2,702 laps in the driveway on Saturday. Originally, of course, the plan was to do 3,000 laps. But as a storm rolled in late in the day and made a tight (and therefore, sloooooooow) course even more tricky, I finished the last 10 miles on the trainer in the house. 100 miles without leaving the yard.
And as you might guess, I learned a few things along the way that I feel compelled to share.
2,702 Laps In My Driveway
1. You can’t go very fast when you are always — and I mean always — turning. In fact, I could not average much more than 10mph. This fact set in early in the ride. Like, about four minutes in. Doing the math in my head, I quickly ascertained I was in for a long day. 10.5 hours in the saddle long.
Also, turning all the time means you have to pay attention (because not turning is a bad idea) and it means that your arms get a workout. Triceps, in particular. Who knew?
The red blotchy stain is my route. In retrospect, a red blotchy stain is not a terribly inaccurate representation.
3. A tight course has its advantages. For one, I had a cheering section consisting of my wife and daughter throughout the day. They’d come out on the porch, check to see if I was still riding around in circles like a crazy man, ring a cowbell, and then go back inside. It was nice.
I also had the occasional companion join me. Spencer is used to racing in a pack and holds his line well. But he’s a lousy drafting partner.
4. 100 miles in a small circle is harder than 100 miles worth of a “normal” century or even, say, 150 miles riding across Michigan. Somewhere just beyond mile 11 or so I began to wish Fatty had called this event “spend 6ish hours on your bike without getting very far” instead of the oh-so-specific 100 mile designation…I’m sure Twin Six could come up with a killer t-shirt for that.
Gratitude Trumps Attitude
By the end of the ride, I was downright grumpy. But at mile 80, I saw that folks following my “pledge break” tweets had donated a bunch of money to fight diabetes while I was out riding in circles all day. I got happy again, really fast. And I am left humbled by all the support and eager to ride in the actual Tour de Cure ride – another 100 mile event – this coming Saturday.
Finally, thanks to Elden for his brilliant idea and for allowing others like me to enter his event and then use the crazy outcome to make more good in the world. Allez Fatty!
Yep. That was just three laps. In all, I completed 2,702 laps in the driveway on Saturday. Originally, of course, the plan was to do 3,000 laps. But as a storm rolled in late in the day and made a tight (and therefore, sloooooooow) course even more tricky, I finished the last 10 miles on the trainer in the house. 100 miles without leaving the yard.
