Tour Shocker: Voeckler Back in Yellow!

07.11.2005 | 8:17 pm

Wins Stage, Yellow Jersey in Super-Secret-Bonus Stage of Tour de France


Paris, July 11 (Fat Cyclist News Service / – In an announcement that sent the cycling world reeling, Tour de France Director General Jean-Marie Leblanc reported this afternoon that today was not actually a rest day after all. Instead, it was a super-secret-bonus stage. Evidently known only to last year’s French racing sensation Thomas Voeckler, this stage consisted of 90 minutes of riding the circumference of  Leblanc’s hotel parking lot.


Voeckler’s placing in the Tour instantly rocketed from 115th to first, with a nearly unassailable lead of 62:35 over second place.


"Um, I’m excited to be wearing the yellow jersey again," said an embarrassed-looking Voeckler as he was being photographed with Jacques Chirac, while casting frequent glances at a large man in a dark suit.


As expected, allegations of impropriety were immediately brought forward. "Ridiculous. This was entirely above-board," said Leblanc from his new $45-million dollar home in Switzerland. "This stage has been on-plan since the very beginning. A rider only needed to ask me whether there is a super-secret-bonus stage in this year’s tour, and if so, where and when is it?’ I cannot help it if the only racer smart and handsome enough to ask this question is France’s beloved Voeckler."


"Besides," said the retiring Tour Director with a chuckle, "What are they going to do? Fire me?"


Reached for comment, Lance Armstrong – now with a 64:53 deficit to last-year’s 10-day wonder – said, "Well, that’s the way the ball bounces. At least I still have a good shot at the podium."


"Really, he said that? That’s adorable," chortled Leblanc, when told of Armstrong’s surprising equanimity regarding his crushing defeat. "I suppose he’s correct…provided there are no more secret bonus stages."
Asked whether there were any more surprise stages planned, Leblanc responded, "Alas, I cannot currently recall. I am too distraught by the shabbiness of my current vehicle. Oh, how I wish I had a nice Bentley convertible!"
Today’s Weight: 173.8. Don’t even ask.

1 Comment

  1. Comment by Unknown | 07.11.2005 | 8:45 pm

    wow, what did you do, eat one of the twins? fat. fatty. ppphhhhaaaatttttt.


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