Ask anyone who knows me: I’m self-centered, selfish, and self-absorbed. I am generally and specifically interested in any topic exactly to the degree it involves me. This blog is ample proof of the fact that I live at the exact center of my universe.
And so when I signed up today to do the MS 150 ride on September 10, I didn’t do it out of altruism, although it is a good cause. I did it because I see it as a way I can possibly get a lot of attention by riding my bike all day while painted pink, with messages scrawled all over my leg in magic marker. Read on to see how this could happen.
While I am lazy and selfish, I am not dumb. OK, maybe I’m dumb, too. But I still know something important, which I shall make really big and bold, with initial caps for emphasis:
People Like Free Stuff.
So, if you pledge some money for the MS150, there’s a very good chance you’ll get something free. Here’s how it works:
- Pledge $50 or more and get a handmade bike bracelet. Yes, that’s right. I’m committing my wife, without her knowledge, to creating bike bracelets — similar to the one shown below, though they’re each unique — for each of my big-spender donors. (She can also create bracelets for men). This is quite likely to result in a whole bunch of work and expense for my wife. This cracks me up. Be sure to send email to email@example.com with your address after you make the pledge, so she knows where to send it to, and what kind you want.
- Pledge any amount at all and get automatically entered in a raffle for 1 of 2 bike bracelets. Again, my wife is very clever and can make bracelets that are manly or womanly. Send email to firstname.lastname@example.org after you make a donation so she can get ahold of you for where to send the bracelet and find out what kind you want.
- Pledge more than $100 and I will write your name (or any short, non-obscene message you like) in big permanent ink marker on a highly visible part of my body on the day of the ride. I intend to start with my calves and work up, but am happy to take suggestions. Oh, and of course you’ll still get the bracelet. After pledging, send email to email@example.com with your message. I will provide photos (including on my blog, if you like)
- Pledge more than $1000 and I will paint my entire body the color of your choice for the day of the ride. I feel confident this won’t happen, so am happy to take it a step down: pledge more than $500 and I’ll paint half my body the color of your choice. Email firstname.lastname@example.org with your choice of color and which half (left/right? Top/bottom?). I will provide photos (including on my blog, if you like). And of course, you’ll still get the bracelet. A couple of ‘em in fact.
I’m begging you.
Please donate. Click here, in fact, to donate right now. You’ll help find a cure for Multiple Sclerosis, and you’ll help me continue to be lazy and self absorbed. And you might win something, too. That would be cool, wouldn’t it?
Today’s Weight: 167.4, but that’s a whole different story involving an enormous number of homemade cookies, two kinds of pizza, and a large sandwich with lots of mozzarella cheese. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if someone wins the Fat Cyclist Sweepstakes this week.