Making (Free) Lemonade

09.2.2005 | 2:27 pm

No big surprise here — I didn’t hit my weight goal of 164 this week. Didn’t even come close, really. I’ll get it next week. Just you wait and see.

Yeah, something about being all pathetic in yesterday’s post and having to give up $75 of my hard-earned dollars as penance for my lack of self control has given me the eye of the tiger. I’ll hit that 164 next week. You’ll see. Furthermore, I’ll be in the 150’s by the end of the month. Or I will be much, much poorer.


Big Money Giveaway…With a Twist

So. Today I’m giving out an gift certificate of at least $75.

"Wait a second," I just heard you say. "What do you mean at least $75?"

"Simple," I reply, in a casual-yet-debonair way. "You could win $100 instead of $75. Wouldn’t that be cool?"

"Fat Cyclist," you now say, "It is simply not possible that you are actually increasing my potential winnings like this!"

"Yes," I say, calmly. "Yes I am."

Astounded, you blurt, "If you are truly serious and not pulling my leg, please explain how I can win even more of the fabulous Amazonian giftage!"

"Very well," I say, smoothly and confidently. "I will explain, provided you promise to use fewer exclamation marks when you talk."

"Absolutely!" you say, then catch yourself. "I mean, absolutely."


How it Works

The idea is simple. If you are willing to make a small donation — $5, $10, whatever — you increase the amount you win, if you are the winner. For example, say you leave a comment today, but don’t pledge anything in the fight against MS. If you win, you get the $75 gift certificate. If, on the other hand, you pledge $10 (or $5, or $20, or whatever) and you win, I’ll make the gift certificate $100. See, you’re doing something good, but your self interest is potentially served. Aren’t I crafty?

So here’s what you’ve got to do.

  1. To be entered in the drawing, you must leave a comment to this post, today, before midnight Pacific Time. Or, if you’re not able to post a comment to this forum, send an email with your comment to I will add your comment to the list sometime today. Or tonight. Or whenever.
  2. Your comment must have an e-mail address where I can contact you. If you don’t give me a way to contact you if/when you win, well…you don’t win.
  3. If you have made a pledge, indicate this in your posting by writing something like "I pledged." You don’t have to say how much. But you can if you want.
  4. Normal rules still apply to your pledges. So if you pledge $50 today, that still merits a bracelet. Pledge $100 and tell me what to write on one of my limbs. Pledge $500 and tell me what color you want me to paint myself for the ride, and which half.
  5. If you have already pledged, you do not need to pledge again when you post a comment. I’m not going to punish you for being an early adopter.

Tomorrow morning, I’ll count how many legitimate comments (posting over and over and over won’t improve your chances; it’ll only tick me off) have been left, and then pick a comment at random. I’ll post who the winner is in my blog tomorrow, as well as send her/him email.


Strangely, I Find Myself Enthusiastic

You know what’s weird? I’m really looking forward to seeing how this little giveaway turns out. Here are some of the things I’m hoping:

  • I hope for a massive number of comments. I would love to see hundreds.
  • I hope for entertaining comments. It would be fun to read hundreds of witty remarks. Cleverness in your entry is not a requirement to win, however.
  • I hope this raises a whole bunch of money for MS. I picked $2112 (after my favorite album from when I was in High School) as my fundraising target. Thanks to some very generous people — including some people who couldn’t really afford it — I’m a third of the way there. What if today 140 readers donated $10 each? That would rule, that’s what. Furthermore, if that happens — if my fundraising goal is surpassed today — I will show my gratitude to the readers of this blog by riding the MS150 with my shorts inside out. And post photos, of course.

Today’s weight:  166.6. Seriously. I ate in such a way yesterday that I should have been at 165 and change, but I gained .2 pounds. My guess? Still paying the price for gluttony earlier in the week — it’s hard to stop the train once it’s moving. Goal for next week is still 164, though.


  1. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 2:56 pm

    I don’t see any fat people in this blog! OMGoodness.. GL to you with your goal though. Wish I could set a goal and just go for it. Best of luck!

  2. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 2:58 pm

    I don’t know if the previous post counted but I officially call you out for not making your weight. Now shower me with prizes.

  3. Comment by Ariane | 09.2.2005 | 3:05 pm

    All these instructions– I can’t stand it, my frontal lobe has blown… Which contest am I entered in? I don’t even know anymore. Is it for $75 and a bracelet or $100? Who knows… Where am I? Who am I? How did I get here? I thought there was going to be lemonade….

  4. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 3:07 pm

    Damn all these new rules to win.Back in the good old days, before you were famous, it was much easier to win.Hey all you people, stop calling him not fat. Ridicule begets weight loss. It is the american way.

  5. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 3:08 pm

    What can this strange device be?When I touch it, it gives fort a sound.It’s got wires that vibrate and give musicWhat can this thing be that I found?Revolt against the Priests of the Temple of Syrinx.Or something like that.I may have to pledge $21.12By the way, if I "win," take the $75 and donate it either to MS150 or hurricane relief.180 this am. Damn my kids for not finishing their ice cream last night!! The daddy tax is killing me.

  6. Comment by Erin | 09.2.2005 | 3:10 pm

    Bracelet lust. I admit it. But times are tough. I pledged, yo.

  7. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 3:26 pm

    I’m just a regular-sized cyclist, but I enjoy your blog quite a bit. Good luck meeting your goal.

  8. Comment by Valerie | 09.2.2005 | 3:52 pm

    When your blog was featured on, I went through and read the whole thing. This is further evidence that I need a life. At any rate, I am most impressed at your weight loss and commitment to it. It’s inspired me to start cycling seriously, something I haven’t done since I was like twelve. So! Here’s to defined quads and $75-dollar gift cards. Cheers.

  9. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 3:59 pm

    First, a interesting site, I like the funny fake news bits. Although when I first read the "headline" that OLN would be televising the last of the big tours I was very very excitied. I was about to go to the bathroom and start making retching noises to that I could leave from work, grab some beer and live the good life watching the one of the greatest sports next to curling. Upon further reading I sadly noticed that it was only a spoof. Second I was interested in donating to the MS ride, for the good cause and for one of your wife’s nifty braclets. Can this be accomplished without using the paypal system? The internet, while the source of all knowledge, makes me nervous. Third, I find myself cycling most days if the snow is not too high, but I can only convince myself to do race, normally a century ride, a warm up compared to most endurance events, if there is a free t-shirt. I am motivated only by the thought of a free t-shirt. I am curious to see if this is a common occurance.

  10. Comment by Adam | 09.2.2005 | 3:59 pm

    what you are doing is awesome! keep it up!

  11. Comment by kris | 09.2.2005 | 4:01 pm

    I remember back in the "old days" of the Fat Cyclist. The first comment would win the valuable prize. Now you’re an international cycling superstar, and far too big for shenanigans like that.The stars are aligned in my favor of winning the fabulous prize.Three weeks ago tomorrow, I carried you and your bike up the North Face in a driving snowstorm. You wanted me to go on without you, but at Leadville we leave no man or woman behind. I fashioned straps to carry your bike on my back out of bicycle tubes, and you rode on my handlebars. After the 10 minutes it took me to pedal you, your bike, and me from the North Face to the Pipeline aid station, I provided comfort and first aid until you were ready to ride again. It gave you the energy and morale to beat me by 12 minutes to the finish line. I’m hurt that this wasn’t mentioned in the Cyclingnews recap article, but that’s okay. Your success is my victory! That’s how I remember it anyway.As you can tell, I’m at work, and I’m REALLY bored.

  12. Comment by Jeff | 09.2.2005 | 4:01 pm

    Thanks again for joining us in La Conner for the MS 150. Your creativity, generousity and large readership should really help the cause. (I’ve pledged – but not to your account – so, that shouldn’t count.)- Jeffjkimbell *at*

  13. Comment by gunnek | 09.2.2005 | 4:07 pm

    I pledged…bummer you didn’t meet your weight goal!!Attention all planets of the solar federation…Attention all planets of the solar federation…Attention all planets of the solar federation…We have assumed control…We have assumed control…We have assumed control…

  14. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 4:08 pm

    You didnt make your goal, but hey, you still weigh less than me!

  15. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.2.2005 | 4:11 pm

    Giancarlo’s in (via e-mail).

  16. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.2.2005 | 4:22 pm

    I stumbled on to your blog in July while I was following the Tour de France. I am a civilian stationed in Baghdad – I turn to your blog when I want a different perspective. I’ve been biking for a lot of years (have about 10 years and 25 pounds on you.) I tried to make a pledge to your MS 150 ride but couldn’t get it done. We have some security restrictions on the network here. I’ll be glad to pledge 0.50 per pound for whatever your weight is on the day after the ride. (I realize that is counterproductive to the weight loss but maybe you can justify a beer or two after the ride).

  17. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.2.2005 | 4:27 pm

    OK, OK, sign me up for $99. I want a bracelet, but I don’t want any part of any part of your body ;-)

  18. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 4:28 pm

    Count me in — I pledged. (Mmmm, shiny things.) Wow, you already have three limbs committed to Magic Markerdom! (Mmmm, fumey things.) What happens when you run out of, er…appendages?You didn’t make goal, but that happens. What will we call you when you get all lean on us, anyway? Fat Cyclist Lite? Fat Cyclist, Compact Edition? The Cyclist Formerly Known As Fat?If I hit the jackpot, you know where to find me…

  19. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 4:33 pm

    uh oh…

  20. Comment by Sarah Q | 09.2.2005 | 4:37 pm

    I usually just lurk around in people’s blogs, but a couple things compelled me to pledge my $10. First, I’m from Redmond and now live in Virginia, and reading descriptions of your rides reminds me of home ("Hey! I know where Sammamish Drive is!! I’ve had that SUV scream at me, too!"). Second, what clinched it was 2112. That was my number in the Portland Marathon, and I felt very lucky to have it bestowed upon me. Good luck.

  21. Comment by Mike | 09.2.2005 | 4:56 pm

    Good luck on getting down to 164. I hope to get down to 215 again, and then on to 185.MikeBuddha Cyclist

  22. Comment by Strawberry | 09.2.2005 | 6:15 pm

    Wowsers!! So everyone here is hoping you don’t make the weight so some lucky viewer in your studio audience will win the gift certificate. *ponder* Interesting!

  23. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 6:21 pm

    Hey I’m getting ready to do an MS ride myself and I was curious if I could borrow some of your fundraising ideas. I might borrow the writing on body parts idea but me and some friends have kicked around another idea, we call it a roll-a-thon. Take a set of rollers and for every minute, or mile, that you are on the things have someone pledge you an amount. Then call them collect the money they pledged for the MS ride. Good luck on getting your weight down and not going broke. -Sparky

  24. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 6:21 pm

    You go, fatty!

  25. Comment by Daniel | 09.2.2005 | 6:22 pm

    I’m sorry you couldn’t get to your goal. You’ll get there next week, I have no doubts.

  26. Comment by Caren | 09.2.2005 | 6:50 pm

    Glad to see you are expanding your world and not being completely consumed with weight loss ;-)I pledged…more for the bracelet (which I think is just the greatest!)…than for an increase in the "HA! You didn’t make your goal so I benefit!" competition. Oops, as I recall from my weight loss experience your are supposed to be supportive of those working to lose weight! How can we, your loyal blog readers, be supportive? Maybe we should pay you when you make your weight loss goal!? Okay – I’ll offer to send you an awesome burrito from NM, or would that be too defeatist to your goal!Have a great weekend and a super MS150 ride…in spite of having to wear your shorts right side in (as we call it in my household when folding the laundry!)!! I am very confident you are going to surpass your goal…since you are such a celebrity these days!Caren.

  27. Comment by Robert | 09.2.2005 | 6:55 pm

    Shake it off, fatty. Instead of pledging money to MS, I’m doing the hurricane thing now. Bad timing.

  28. Comment by Aaron | 09.2.2005 | 7:03 pm

    Nice try this week fat man. I made a bet thinking I would have lost 4lbs in a week after working out, but lost cuz I gained 2lbs. Exercise is for chumps. Thank goodness my gym is crawling with hot chicks.

  29. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 7:24 pm

    Your blog really inspires me (not to mention that it’s hilarious). I took up cycling at about 220 lbs not too long ago, and now I’m down to 208. My short term goal is to get out of the clydesdale range by next spring so that I can race competitively.

  30. Comment by Tommy | 09.2.2005 | 7:37 pm

    Might as well join in the fun. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of months but somehow have always missed out on playing for the gift certificate.If I do win, though, would you give the $75 to the American Red Cross or the Salvation Army for hurricane relief efforts rather than giving me a gift certificate? And be sure to take advantage of the MS matching, too.Thanks.

  31. Comment by Unknown | 09.2.2005 | 7:42 pm

    Your site is great reading fun, I usually split a gut or recognize some biking character flaw in myself. Big Fun!Look for my brother-in-law riding a "mango" colored cross bike – his commute to MS is from Union Hill so you probably cross paths.Keep up the good work,

  32. Comment by Chris | 09.2.2005 | 7:59 pm

    I knew you were a Rush fan when I saw your pledge goal.Can’t make a donation as I have already donated to my own ride. I’ll see you in La Conner. Keep up the weight loss and the great blog.Thanks

  33. Comment by Tracy | 09.2.2005 | 8:28 pm

    I recently started reading your blog and totally enjoy it. Thought it was time to get in on the fun. Better luck next week.

  34. Comment by Stephanie | 09.2.2005 | 8:44 pm

    I came, I read, I pledged! (I looked for your face on wanted posters in the post office) lol Good Luck! BIG HUGSSS, Kitty

  35. Comment by Courtney | 09.2.2005 | 8:44 pm

    I was searching for something clever to say, but it’s almost four o’clock on a Friday afternoon preceding a long weekend, so the only thing worthwhile to say is that I love what you’re doing here. And I admire it.Have a good weekend!

  36. Comment by Michelle | 09.2.2005 | 9:09 pm

    FatCyclist, 2.4 pounds for next week is too aggressive. If you get 2.4, fantastic. But, I’d go for 1 on personal expectations and for the lottery.-Michelle

  37. Comment by =Sagax= | 09.2.2005 | 10:17 pm

    I think I might be a little late commenting (it’s never too later for a gift card though!) It’s been two days since I started my own blog and I come snooping about looking at other peoples’ and what do I fall on? (don’t answer that) I’m sorry in advance for imagining fat cyclists but the just look hilarious, no offence man.And no Sagax is not my real name =3

  38. Comment by Michael | 09.2.2005 | 11:18 pm

    Fatty good luck with the goal next week!!!

  39. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.3.2005 | 12:30 am

    shame on you, fat cyclistyou should know by now that splurging involves eating *very small*amounts of *very very good* food. that being said good luck next week.a tip on how to not eat chips at all: read the ingredients and thinkabout putting all those preservatives and chemicals that you don’teven know what they are into your body … EWWW. alternatively, thinkof the potato chips as liquid fat. also ewww.your blog is very funny. keep up the good work.

  40. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.3.2005 | 12:32 am

    Just wanted to say that your blog has me consistently in stitches,and is probably the most enjoyable thing I read routinely. No, I’mnot sucking up in hopes of winning the prize, really.Riding down stairs really is the easiest thing on your to-do list:just get your weight back, close your eyes (well, actually, probablydon’t do that) and go. You’ll either wreck in a spectacular manner(you should have a friend filming it) or you’ll be a hero (in yourown mind).Good luck on the MS150.

  41. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.3.2005 | 12:33 am

    It does rain frogs…just not very often.

  42. Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.3.2005 | 12:34 am

    I applaud you with a one handed clap. Your cents of humour really rings. Keep focused and your will be done.

  43. Comment by Unknown | 09.3.2005 | 1:51 am

    Dear Fat Cyclist.Ahhh. Nothing like the first blog one encounters… so sweet, so memorable, a special thing really. Will I ever find another blog with that same special feeling? I will have too if the fat cyclist goes broke because HE DOESN’T MEET HIS %4@!! WEIGHT GOALS!!!! Come on, you can do it! You have come so far already, (oops, sounding kindof trite, sorry, creativity is not exactly a stregnth of mine) don’t wimp out. Be a man — you have to justify the shaved legs (still shaved?) after all.SSYour blog is awesome — I laugh at your writing, even when it is C- in your mind. Keep it up.

  44. Comment by Christina | 09.3.2005 | 2:06 am

    Hey Fat Cyclist,When I feel down, I go to the website: http://www.subservientchicken.comType in whatever you want the fat chicken to do. You’ll feel a demented kind of power surge through your being.Laughing burns calories.~The Beast Mom

  45. Comment by *Summer | 09.3.2005 | 2:12 am

    i can totally relate to the whole eating so much more food now that the biking season is comming to an end…yummy.

  46. Comment by Unknown | 09.3.2005 | 2:29 am

    lol.. seriously.. try that chicken thing BeastMom suggested… That’s pretty crazy…

  47. Comment by Unknown | 09.3.2005 | 2:31 am

    I’m in it for the prize.

  48. Comment by Unknown | 09.3.2005 | 7:06 am

    12:00 in what time zone? Hahahahaha! Thanks so much for your visit and for reading so much of my lumpy, meandering blog and all your marvelous comments!You are so clever! I’m going to gather up some of my Widow’s Mite, by gosh, and donate… out of respect for you and your blog and how much enjoyment I get from it. Now I need to finish my rounds… which get rounder and rounder… but do you know what? I did TWO hours on my bike today!

  49. Comment by Unknown | 09.3.2005 | 7:38 am

    CHICHICASTENANGO! I said I would take down the trackback and now you will observe how dumb I am and how much I probably did NOT understand the process. I have no clue where it is, so maybe it’s something you can delete? LOLOLOL!!!I can take comfort, though, in the fact that I won’t do it again. Something I read about it said that it was the same as commenting about a blog but that you retain control over your comments (not you, personally, the editorial "you"), so I thought I could go back later and correct my typos, because I almost always have some. It took me a lot longer to learn not to keep track of every penny I spent in Dollars&Sense just because I COULD.Now I’m going to go back to my blog and investigate some more.Hugs again,Monkey

  50. Comment by Unknown | 09.3.2005 | 8:02 am

    Well… I did it! I wish I could send more! And if I win somehow, I’d like you to take the prize money and donate it and take the tax deduction (my income is so low that I don’t have to do taxes… one of the benefits of being wiped out by cancer, along with the handicapped placard.) That placard is nothing to sneeze at, especially at holiday time. Oh… I forgot… I don’t shop… hahahaha! But I want to know why I still have to "stand" in line ("on line" for those in the UK and "queue" for the pretentious) at the grocery and wait at red lights.

  51. Comment by Unknown | 09.3.2005 | 3:05 pm

    Good on ya! Keep it up!When I started bicycle commuting, I weighed 245. Mowing the grass was the most strenuous activity I could manage. In fact, I had to come inside and rest before cutting all the yard. But the worst moment was when my size 40 jeans were starting to get tight, and I held up a pair of 42s and was startled to see how WIDE they looked! "I am NOT going to wear fat-boy jeans like those!" I resolved.That was about 12 years ago. My weight has settled at about 205-210 and I feel much stronger. The first couple of rides were hard, but since then it’s all been good! So keep it up!


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