Three Useful Tips
Nobody reads The Fat Cyclist for useful advice. Or at least, I hope not, because I never give useful advice. Unless you count a detailed recounting of "how to eat like a sideshow freak" or "how to fall off your bike and hurt yourself, while still looking comically ridiculous" as useful advice.
No, I think it’s safe to say that I’m long on absurd overdisclosure and wild exaggeration, and short on practical information.
And yet, last night I started thinking (hey, your brain’s got to do something while you brush your teeth): I’ve been riding for ten years or so, now. Certainly in that time I must have learned something of real value I could share. And in the space of three minutes (ie, the period of time required for a good teeth-brushing), I had thought of three simple, useful pieces of advice that have significantly improved my riding experience over the years.
So yes, one day after I reveal that I can behave like a complete lunatic, I’m asking you to consider taking my advice. Here you go:
1. How to Breathe
When I first started mountain biking, I got cramps in my side every single ride. Cramps so painful I would get off my bike and wait for the pain to go away. While I was thus waiting once, Stuart rolled up to me and asked what the problem was. I told him about the stitch in my side, and Stuart said four words:
"Breathe deeply. Exhale fully."
I got back on my bike and tried it. I inhaled to capacity, and exhaled as far as I could. He was right. I had been breathing too quickly and shallowly. With that, I went from being the guy who was always having to stop and rest to being the guy who could turn the cranks forever. If I wanted more power or speed, I would do the same thing, but faster.
Those four words of advice very nearly make up for the fact that it was Stuart who basically caused me to get a concussion on my first mountain bike ride ever.
2. There is No Such Thing as Bike Burnout
Toward the end of just about every riding season, I’ll try to set up a ride with friends, but will get a variation of this response: "No, I’m sick of bikes." Or sometimes, I’ll be the guy who says, "No, I’m burned out on riding."
This is just stupid.
Here’s what’s really happening if you don’t want to get out on your bike: you’re in a rut. You’ve been riding the same kind of bike, in the same way (or same set of ways), on the same terrain too much. It’s become routine.
Any time I’ve kicked myself off the couch and tried a different kind of ride, I’ve been astounded. If I’ve been riding road exclusively, I’ll say, "I’d forgotten that mountain biking can be so intense and beautiful and demanding." If I’ve been mountain biking a lot, I’ll say, "I’d forgotten that road riding is so fast and quiet and smooth." Or, in my case right now as I learn to ride in the velodrome, "I had forgotten what it feels like to be an absolute beginner." Or when I ride my fixie to work and back, "I had forgotten what it felt like to be completely demolished by a climb."
If you’re not having fun riding anymore, mix it up (even if it does go against the routine Chris Carmichael personally wrote for you). You’ll find you still like riding as much as you ever did.
3. Remember to Have Fun
I have been on lots and lots and lots of endurance races and rides. I have never quit, even when I’ve been really slow and fat. This is because of my very most clever trick:
I have fun.
I think lots of cyclists look forward to a long ride or race forever, but then once they’re on the course think of nothing but the finish line. I propose that if you remember to actually ride in the moment, look around and consider what a cool thing it is to be on a bicycle, that — whether you’re doing an afternoon-length ride or a 24-hour race — you’ll have a better time and won’t get tired as quickly.
OK, I just made up the part about not getting tired as quickly. But if you resist the urge to think about the end of the ride, I guarantee you’ll enjoy more of the ride itself.
Today’s weight: 160.8. I did this by basically not eating anything yesterday, and then not fasting after 5pm yesterday. So, yeah, I made my weight goal. But I’m sure my weight’s going to be higher tomorrow, and I’ll have a lot of work to make my weight goal next week.
Bonus blood pressure / cholesterol info: I — as usual — blew things out of proportion. My blood pressure yesterday was only trivially higher than it should be, and my cholesterol levels aren’t dangerous. Basically, I need to cut back on the salt and eat more fish (or take flaxseed oil supplements), and I’m good.
Bonus weekend event: I’m doing the Seattle Randonneur’s 100km Populaire (110 km, 1650 m/5400 ft of elevation gain) tomorrow. Unless I chicken out.
Comment by Unknown | 10.7.2005 | 8:22 pm
you know what goes good with fish? Tartar sauceyou know what the main ingredient of tartar sauce is?Mayo. Have fun with Randy Gnuring
Comment by Unknown | 10.7.2005 | 9:36 pm
best thing i did to freshen up the riding: park the pig and start riding a singlespeed. make all the jokes you want about just picking a gear and not shifting. those are stupid jokes. riding a singlespeed is smooth, pure, fast, hard, and sublime. the first time you ride the same old trail on a single, you’ll walk half the hard stuff. the second time, you’ll walk half the hard stuff you walked the first time. and the third time, you’ll ride it all, and wonder why you ever rode with all those gears.i reserve the right to reneg on all of this on gold bar rim. but if brad can do it, i can do it.
Comment by Unknown | 10.7.2005 | 9:42 pm
Good post! Hey I rode the ridge trail last week, it was in great shape. Your talk of velodromes and track bikes makes me want to try that. Is there a velodrome in Utah?
Comment by Fat Cyclist | 10.7.2005 | 10:04 pm
craig – well, that explains why i’ve always been fond of tartar sauce.dug – i used to not get the singlespeed thing, but now that i’ve been riding the fixie, i am starting to get it. i’m interested in trying out an mtb ss some day. and you, likewise, need to try out a track bike (or other fixie – specialized makes the ‘langster’ which is around $500 and can work either as a ss or a fixie. it can be ridden on the track but has more roadbike-like geometry).adam – i’m not aware of any velodromes in ut, but i could be wrong. as i’m finding, a fixie’s fun on the road, not just the track.
Comment by Robert | 10.7.2005 | 10:34 pm
I would add that it’s especially important to breathe deeply at the beginning of a long climb. And I admit that I was disappointed by your third tip. Have fun? Either you’re having fun or you’re not. Telling yourself you’re having fun when you’re not leads to cognitive dissonance and an infomercial addiction.
Comment by Zed | 10.7.2005 | 11:02 pm
This may sound sick, but I really dig fried fish just as it is. I dig it fried in its own oils. Just drop it in the frying pan. Salmon or red snapper … Mmmm … Alaskan halibut on holidays … heck juicy yes!
Comment by Fat Cyclist | 10.7.2005 | 11:32 pm
bob – i assert that you do not "admit" to being disappointed by my third tip; rather, you take great pleasure in disagreeing with me. which is too bad, because maybe if you’d take a moment to look up and have fun while you’re riding, you wouldn’t be such a hangdog hyper-introspective crybaby everyone tries to avoid.caloi-rider – i like frying fish in its own oils too, but i like to help those oils out a little bit by adding about a half-stick of butter, then battering the fish and deep-frying it in crisco. we’re not so different, you and i. hey, my heart just seized up. i wonder what that’s all about?
Comment by Ade | 10.8.2005 | 2:59 am
So you’re going to do the Populaire? The rumours are true. Hope to see you there… You know it makes sense! See you there!
Comment by Unknown | 10.8.2005 | 3:56 am
Get sick of biking? No way! Does the word "obsession" mean anything to you? hehehePS – I’ve had high blood pressure for about 25 years. It’s easily controlled when it’s barely high, like yours appears to be. Also, you get more sodium in processed foods (like soup) than you do in stuff like potato chips, or adding salt at the table.
Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 10.8.2005 | 5:20 am
Bob-fatty didn’t say lie to yourself by telling yourself you’re having fun when you aren’t. He said HAVE fun. If what you are doing isn’t fun anymore, CHANGE. (Except wives, correct me if I’m wrong but I think you’re supposed to tough that one out)PEANUT BUTTER OREOsCome to Australia, we have them on the shelf ready to go.Personally, they turn my stomach. But I’m a bit strange. And getting stranger everytime I think about how strange I am. I don’t know anyone apart from me who can eat a 14" pizza (all of it in one sitting on my own), have a tomato sauce (ketchup) multigrain sandwich for dessert and then go out the road bike and do 40 miles at 18mph.My world is a strange place. Mainly so because of the chief inhabitant.cheersBIG Mike (skinny on the inside)
Comment by Unknown | 10.8.2005 | 8:13 am
Congrats on the good news! I enjoyed this entry and I think your advice is sound for a lot of pursuits, even s-e-x, for instance, especially as we get older. Please try not to think about s-e-x that includes various persons with supplemental oxygen. THAT might be too much for your fragile old heart or your actual BRAIN might seize!My idea of a gourmet meal would be a hunk of unsliced bacon wrapped your half-stick of butter, battered and deep fried in lard, and served with some nice cream gravy; consumed during a conversation about fish. Maybe a little mayo on the side.Eat lots of salsa and cayenne to keep the crud out of those arteries and it sounds to me like you’re good to go (as in riding or something, not, you know, "go" as in "How did he go?" "Oh, his heart seized because he thought about people with supplemental oxygen and…") And good weight loss numbers, too! BRAVO!
Comment by Ariane | 10.8.2005 | 3:20 pm
Good that your cholesterol and BP aren’t so bad after all. Speaking of bike-related breathing, I’ve found a trick that’s really good for improving breathing control (on flute). Go as hard as you can on one of those trainers that hooks up to the rear wheel for a few minutes, then jump off and play a movement from one of the Mozart Flute concertos. I like to using the D major one, personally. Repeat process until the concerto is done.
Comment by Unknown | 10.8.2005 | 3:28 pm
a toad, i just tried that trainer/flute thing. didn’t work at all. i couldn’t get my feet out of the pedals, fell and cracked my forehead as i was reaching for the flute, and by the time i had the flute in my hand, i completely forgot how mozart’s d major flute concerto even goes, so i ended up playing 3 blind mice instead.i didn’t even have a chance to do the repeat part, cuz i was so out of breath i passed out.
Comment by Susan | 10.8.2005 | 4:38 pm
I have a few useful tips of my own for bike riding. Come read me and find some new tips!!! *wink-wink*Sue
Comment by Unknown | 10.8.2005 | 5:11 pm
The high blood pressure sounds like a case of White Coat Hypertension. Lay off so much junk food and the cholestrol will probably come down.
Comment by Fat Cyclist | 10.8.2005 | 11:43 pm
ade – just got back from doing the populaire. i am so tired i can barely type. sorry we didn’t run into each other — i asked the name of lots of people, so you must’ve been pretty far ahead of me.debbie – yeah, canned foods are pretty much dropping off my OK-to-eat list. have you ever thought about what the campbell’s soup factory loading dock must look like? imagine crate after crate after crate of salt.big mike – you and i have similar appetites, but after eating that much, all i’m good for is a nap.mumo – deep-fat-batter-fried bacon? oooh, sell that idea to applebees.a.toad / dug – i also tried a.toad’s breathing excercises, but i use the bagpipes, and i play WHILE i’m on the trainer. also, i wear a traditional scottish kilt while riding/ playing. it’s not practical, but i like to keep my bagpiping real. word.sue – i looked for tips on your site, but i didn’t find any. i did see that you link to the errorista’s blog, though, so you earn 20 brownie points for supporting my sister. especially since you’re clearly pretty far on the right side of the spectrum, whereas they actually had to add new spectrum space to the left to accomodate the errorista’s politics. way to be fair and balanced (in the real sense, not the fox sense).ellrod – admit it: you just made "white coat hypertension" up. it sounds like what you might get as a side-effect of taking meds for a brain cloud.
Comment by Connie | 10.9.2005 | 3:52 am
Good for you, reaching your goal is great. I like Talapia fish. It is good.
Comment by Unknown | 10.9.2005 | 4:55 am
Fatty: nope, ain’t making it up. White Coat Hypertension is a frequently observed phenomena. One’s blood pressure rises in the presence of a doctor wearing a white lab coat.Goes up even higher if the doctor is also wearing a rubber glove.
Comment by Susan | 10.9.2005 | 12:39 pm
Fatty,Actually I am apolitical in every sense. I just don’t like seeing people dis the country we live in. But I will save that for another blog entry!As for my tips; I have them it will just take a few ’strokes’ of my keyboard to get them here to you fellow cyclists.Thanks for stopping by without leaving comments!Sue
Comment by Ariane | 10.9.2005 | 3:23 pm
dug, egad…somehow I had you pegged for a clarinet… Anyway, I didn’t say have the piece memorized, no wonder it didn’t work out; I can’t make it half way through the first movement before I totally forget what I’m doing and decide to go do jell-o shots instead (don’t you just hate it when you get jell-o shots in your keypads? kidding…). fatty, the sad thing is that I have actually tried to play while on the trainer… eh heh… mixed results. I’m going to start a spinning symphonic orchestra. Any takers? Now, having exposed my music dorkiness, my work here is done.
Comment by Ariane | 10.9.2005 | 3:26 pm
PS: Incidentally, is anyone else deeply disturbed by a ‘traditionally’ kilted man on a trainer?
Comment by Fat Cyclist | 10.9.2005 | 3:38 pm
well, my neighbors have lodged complaints about the traditional kilt, bagpipes, and trainer thing. to accomodate them, i’m considering no longer setting up my trainer at the front of my driveway and playing/riding at 6:00am.i’m the best neighbor ever.
Comment by Unknown | 10.9.2005 | 3:56 pm
Thanks for Tip # 2. Talk about reading a blog at the right time. I have felt extremely burned out the past 10 days. Of course I have been riding the same bike, same trails, etc for the last four weeks. So I picked some different trails and perked right up. I am heading out now for a trail I have never ridden. Thanks again.
Comment by Fat Cyclist | 10.9.2005 | 4:20 pm
paul – weird how it works that way, isn’t it? you find a trail or road you like and start doing it all the time. then it becomes boring and you wonder why it’s no fun anymore. just watch: if you leave that trail alone for a few weeks and then come back to it, you’ll find you love it again.
Comment by pete | 10.9.2005 | 4:22 pm
I was sorely tempted to buy a pair of tartan bibshorts in a Glasgow cycle emporium a while ago. I got cold feet when the assistant whispered "If you wear those, you BETTER be sure you win!"As a matter of interest, which tartan is your kilt..?
Comment by Unknown | 10.11.2005 | 4:01 am
Speaking of variety in riding, how the fat cyclist rarely mentions riding fat tires?
Comment by Fat Cyclist | 10.11.2005 | 5:15 am
maarten – my mountain bike is busted. check out http://spaces.msn.com/members/fatcyclist/Blog/cns!1pUmGvi9idWgOodsIbhHUOQA!1090.entry
Comment by Unknown | 10.11.2005 | 6:13 pm
Ah, yes, I did read that; it slipped right out of my goldfish brain. I’m the ride-up-the-trail type as well. No takers wanting to "donate" a mountain bike to the cause, eh?