Three Useful Tips

10.7.2005 | 7:14 am

A Note from Fatty: This "Best of Fatty" post rescued from my old MSN Spaces archive. Originally posted October 7, 2005.

Nobody reads The Fat Cyclist for useful advice. Or at least, I hope not, because I never give useful advice. Unless you count a detailed recounting of "how to eat like a sideshow freak" or "how to fall off your bike and hurt yourself, while still looking comically ridiculous" as useful advice.

No, I think it’s safe to say that I’m long on absurd overdisclosure and wild exaggeration, and short on practical information.

And yet, last night I started thinking (hey, your brain’s got to do something while you brush your teeth): I’ve been riding for ten years or so, now. Certainly in that time I must have learned something of real value I could share. And in the space of three minutes (ie, the period of time required for a good teeth-brushing), I had thought of three simple, useful pieces of advice that have significantly improved my riding experience over the years.

So yes, one day after I reveal that I can behave like a complete lunatic, I’m asking you to consider taking my advice. Here you go:

1. How to Breathe
When I first started mountain biking, I got cramps in my side every single ride. Cramps so painful I would get off my bike and wait for the pain to go away. While I was thus waiting once, Stuart rolled up to me and asked what the problem was. I told him about the stitch in my side, and Stuart said four words:

"Breathe deeply. Exhale fully."

I got back on my bike and tried it. I inhaled to capacity, and exhaled as far as I could. He was right. I had been breathing too quickly and shallowly. With that, I went from being the guy who was always having to stop and rest to being the guy who could turn the cranks forever. If I wanted more power or speed, I would do the same thing, but faster.

Those four words of advice very nearly make up for the fact that it was Stuart who basically caused me to get a concussion on my first mountain bike ride ever.

2. There is No Such Thing as Bike Burnout
Toward the end of just about every riding season, I’ll try to set up a ride with friends, but will get a variation of this response: "No, I’m sick of bikes." Or sometimes, I’ll be the guy who says, "No, I’m burned out on riding."

This is just stupid.

Here’s what’s really happening if you don’t want to get out on your bike: you’re in a rut. You’ve been riding the same kind of bike, in the same way (or same set of ways), on the same terrain too much. It’s become routine.

Any time I’ve kicked myself off the couch and tried a different kind of ride, I’ve been astounded. If I’ve been riding road exclusively, I’ll say, "I’d forgotten that mountain biking can be so intense and beautiful and demanding." If I’ve been mountain biking a lot, I’ll say, "I’d forgotten that road riding is so fast and quiet and smooth." Or, in my case right now as I learn to ride in the velodrome, "I had forgotten what it feels like to be an absolute beginner." Or when I ride my fixie to work and back, "I had forgotten what it felt like to be completely demolished by a climb."

If you’re not having fun riding anymore, mix it up (even if it does go against the routine Chris Carmichael personally wrote for you). You’ll find you still like riding as much as you ever did.

3. Remember to Have Fun
I have been on lots and lots and lots of endurance races and rides. I have never quit, even when I’ve been really slow and fat. This is because of my very most clever trick:

I have fun.

I think lots of cyclists look forward to a long ride or race forever, but then once they’re on the course think of nothing but the finish line. I propose that if you remember to actually ride in the moment, look around and consider what a cool thing it is to be on a bicycle, that — whether you’re doing an afternoon-length ride or a 24-hour race — you’ll have a better time and won’t get tired as quickly.

OK, I just made up the part about not getting tired as quickly. But if you resist the urge to think about the end of the ride, I guarantee you’ll enjoy more of the ride itself.