May I Have the Envelopes, Please

04.1.2006 | 6:43 pm

Whaddaya say we give away all this stuff I’ve been promising all week? Below are the winning comments (chosen randomly, using to select the winners) and what they’ve won. Winners, please email me with your name and address, so I can send your prizes your way.


Friday’s Messenger Bag Contest

You can do it Fatty!

I just discovered your blog on my msn home page and as a person who wishes to lose weight by cycling herself about town have found some problems with rain. Lots of record setting rain here.

You have become the new standard bearer for my effort, above Lance Armstrong because of where you are coming from. I much better relate to your effort.

Keep on pedalling.


But you know, Robyn, if you use me as your role model, you’re much less likely to win the Tour de France.


Paris-Roubaix Video Contest

Insert sarcastic yet humurous comment about your weight and lack of riding ability here.


Insert sarcastic-yet-humorous comment about how I hope you find this video more watchable than I did.


Wireless Desktop

Okay, I voted for you…  Hope you win, I could use the stuff!!!


Well, OK, you win. But only because you used three exclamation points.


Office 2003 Professional

You want my vote for a $5 bag?  Pah!

Next time please present a bribe in line with my over-inflated sense of self-importance.


Like, maybe, a $500 software package?


Prototype Messenger Bag

That was very rude. Just because you aren’t good at something doesn’t mean you have to put it down and everybody else who does it. I know that it is your own opinion and I respect that. But in my opinon a triatholon is a sport. My defintion of a sport would be something that gets you physically and  mentally healthy. It should also be fun and swimming is. Even if you are doing it in a competetion it is still fun because its heart racing and its a challenge. A challenge is something everyone should want. If you keep winning all the time because its too easy its not fun. Also all sports are dangerous. In cycling you could trip, fall, or collide with someone. Every sports has its risks but that’s something you assume to be able to do it.

One last thing Poker you consider that a sport?


Well, would a poker-playing zombie be life-threatening? You bet it would. Therefore, poker is a sport.


The Incredibly Belated Winner of the “Help My Son with His Science Project” Contest

And, finally, congratulations to NicholesTruth, the randomly lucky winner of the 85 people who submitted their results in my son’s Reaction Time experiment. NicholesTruth wins a just-released Banjo Brothers Pocket Messenger Bag.

(And to everyone else who helped on the experiment: thanks!)


  1. Comment by barry1021 | 04.1.2006 | 7:34 pm

    Pah! I never win anything.
    Hey Tee Gee, I don’t know about others on this blog but when I am asked my opinion I get all excited. Makes the hair on my back stand up. So you got this guy in spin class in his sport undies. First the answer would depend if you are of the male or female persuasion. I was particular drawn to your line:
 know you should avert your eyes but you are compelled to look. Its very distracting.
    So I analyzed that line from both perspectives, and my conclusion is:
    No matter what side of the plate you are swinging from, you have issues.

  2. Comment by Juliet | 04.1.2006 | 10:23 pm

    I still haven’t recieved the prize I won for guessing your weight!!

  3. Comment by Sue | 04.2.2006 | 11:32 am

    Wow Fatty, from 104.25 comments/day average (over the last 4 days) to, uh lemme count . . . 3 comments. I’d say this entry was a real momentum killer.
    Maybe, to protect your reputation as an entertaining writer, the next time you drop one of these beauties you should use an alternative nome de plume, like "Dick Buzzkill" or something.
    P.S. While I’m being hyper-critical, let me just say that the second entry baiting the Tri folks (while I loved the premise and the timing of the entry) was just way below your skill level and should have been way more inflammatory.

  4. Comment by craig | 04.2.2006 | 2:38 pm

    Hang in there JM
    It tooks 2 months to get my Banjo Bros Panniers when I wona contest.
    But I never had any doubt & you will get your prize  for sure. 
    A weekend entry!!  Damn, you really are unemployed. 

  5. Comment by Diego | 04.2.2006 | 11:45 pm

    Hey Mr. Fat Cyclist!
    This drop in comments means only one thing, it shows who your true regulars are, LOL, just kidding.
    Of course, people flock to contests so it can be expected that it would spike just for that. 
    and….to Barry1021, it’s ok I dont win anything either:P

  6. Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 04.2.2006 | 11:48 pm

    Congratulations everyone.
    It’s an interesting display of behaviour that there were a hundred commenters on give away days and this post has extracted a mere half a dozen in 36 hours.

  7. Comment by Andrew | 04.3.2006 | 1:15 am

    Dear Voluminous Veloraptor,
    You’d be getting more comments if you had given me some schwag. Now they’re boycotting you. Jerk.

  8. Comment by Manda | 04.3.2006 | 2:22 am

    just wanted to tell u i voted for you ummm nice space i wish i could write about things this why i just have to much feeling about everything to do that lol keep a goin

  9. Comment by . | 04.3.2006 | 2:52 am

    I wish that I had your willpower and determination…
    …I’m trying to lose weight also… man oh man am I lazy…
    …I will do better in time…
    Take care and good luck with your weight loss.

  10. Comment by Nanget | 04.3.2006 | 4:48 am

    I’m breaking blog etiquette but i am going to comment on the previous post. There is a drink that gives you superhuman powers to undertake any endurance event. It’s called beer and it works well at night. On the east coast of australia some who drink it gain the strength and stamina and attempt to swim to New Zealand. It works wonders because they get out of sight really fast.
    I wonder if kiwis think they can swim to australia?
    So did you win the blog competition? Did you outblog you competitors?

  11. Comment by Unknown | 04.3.2006 | 6:52 pm

    Please make a note to "randomly" select me for a prize in the future.  The odds of winning on this site rival that of the lotto.  Geez!

  12. Comment by Zed | 04.3.2006 | 8:49 pm

    Hey, so who are you going to give the prototype messenger bag to if 5061 never returns to your blogsite? Or was that your sneaky way of keeping it?

  13. Comment by cawddup | 04.4.2006 | 10:02 am

    Re: Office 2003 Pro prizeYou fiend.  How did you know that I use a Mac?  I should have kept my mouth shut.  Trade, anyone?Having said that, it has been a while since I have, er, "swammed" in such glory.


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