Teeter Level of Difficulty: +9

12.19.2006 | 7:37 am

You know what I’ve got a hankerin’ for? To get out the ol’ snowshoes and go hiking up Tibble.

PS: Sorry, short post today. I was in SF yesterday, and am about to head out the door to go to LA today. End-of-quarter job hectic-ness. Thank you for your understanding. (Besides, I figure you might find it refreshing to have me not go on and on and on, for once.)


  1. Comment by bradk | 12.19.2006 | 7:50 am

    i’ve never actually read an entire post of of yours until today. thanks.

  2. Comment by bikemike | 12.19.2006 | 8:06 am

    how the heck are we supposed to waste time at work now? oh wait, customer, gotta go.

  3. Comment by dug | 12.19.2006 | 8:27 am

    i had just got a gigantic cup of coffee to prepare myself for the long slog, and what do i find? 6 lines? now what am i supposed to do with this coffee?

  4. Comment by Matscho | 12.19.2006 | 8:40 am

    Now, as it freezes, you can consider using your sprinkler to increase the difficulty. Besides, Riding in snow is fun, (and riding on ice-covered snow hurts a lot when you fall. Also, what you wear tears as you fall. Come to think about it, Fatty, riding in snow would make a good blog entry)

  5. Comment by Al Maviva | 12.19.2006 | 9:00 am

    Hey, totally off topic, but while we’re sitting here looking at snow and dreaming about riding (full disclosure: it was 70 here yesterday, and I cut work in the afternoon to go ride my butt off) it is time to think about summer fitness.

    That’s right, I’m willing to head up the B5 Challenge again this year, in response to multiple requests. That’s the Big Bad Bulky Biker Bodyfat Challenge, in which we compete against each other in the only off-season competition that matters for competitive cyclists, which is starvation. The people who lose the most (on a scaled competition, since a 300 pounder can lose more straight pounds in 3 months than a 150 pounder) and improve their time trial some will win a fabulous prize, the approximate value of which is at least de minimis, but may actually rise to the level of trivial. That, and everlasting glory.

    I can’t comment for everybody but even after packing on a bunch of weight after the summer racing season, I’ve managed to keep just about all of the weight I lost in last year’s B 5 off. So last year’s B5 was a great way to lose weight and to get a little extra motivation on those tough days when the sky was dark, it was cold out, and there were extra donuts just lying there on a table in the break room, begging “eat me, Al… eat me!” This year, it’s time to step it up another level. I’ve cat’ed up, and it’s time for my pants to downgrade.

    And believe me, climbing hills in races this summer, I thought about how I needed to lose weight again over the winter, and thought about how nice it was to have other people sharing the suffering. Yeah, I unfortunately had a lot of time to think about stuff like that on those hills in road races…

    Here’s the thing though. The “paperwork” was interminable last year. I already have a data and paper intensive job. I would propose that we do it out of one of Fatty’s forums, and we either figure out a way to automate the process – the reporting of time trial results, monthly weigh ins, calculation of weight loss percentage, etc – or we find some person who actually enjoys that kind of thing, who is willing to do the monthly data entry. I’m happy to do the mildly abusive and highly entertaining monthly writeups, but I’ll move that to the forums as well, Fatty permitting.

    So here’s your chance, B5 veterans and folks who want to join up – let’s hassle the bejeezus out of Fatty and get him to host our competition here. I haven’t brought it up in an email to him or anything, preferring instead to rudely raise the issue in this commments section in a completely off-topic and inappropriate manner. Yeah, I’m just the kind of guy to show up at your house, eat your chips, drink your last Sierra Nevada, comment on your wife’s (or husband’s) butt, and tell you that you need to lose some weight if you hope to ride better next summer. And the damnedest thing is, some of you actually seemed to like that kind of thing last year and claimed it kept you engaged. So please, consider me your personal Troy Jacobsen-like irritating weight loss buddy, and let’s get on Fatty’s case about this.

  6. Comment by srettig | 12.19.2006 | 9:28 am

    I’d be interested in participating in this B5 thingamabob. If you’re going to use Fatty’s forum, try to select the the one with the fewest solicitations for pr0n, c1alis, prepaid phone cards and Nigerian email scams. It’s not that I don’t need v1agra, I just don’t want to be constantly reminded of my, uh, shortcomings.

  7. Comment by Lurch | 12.19.2006 | 9:43 am

    Yeah, I’d like to sign up for the B5 thingy too….
    Wait, I’ll be right back, they are having birthday cake in the breakroom.

  8. Comment by barry1021 | 12.19.2006 | 11:08 am

    I am in. C’mon FC, come through for your fandom…


  9. Comment by SpikeBlue | 12.19.2006 | 11:19 am

    Al – when does the B5 start? With all my holiday parties, eating out, and turkey diner goodness over the next two weeks, I’m pretty sure I can inflate my starting weight. Just the excuse I was looking for!

    (Internal dialogue – all hypothetical of course)
    “It’s okay that I have eaten Mac n’ Cheese, Chili, Crab Dip, Stroganoff, Sausage, Bacon Wrapped Water Chestnuts, Mexican Dip, Pecan Pie, Chocolate Covered Pretzels, and a Butterscotch Cookie at my work pot luck. I’m eating all this so I can do better in the B5 competition.”

    Yeah, that will work nicely. Sign me up!

  10. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 12.19.2006 | 11:25 am

    Al, a couple weeks ago I set up my roller riding area in the garage, complete with entertainment system. I have yet to log a single minute on the rollers. I am in desperate need of motivation. So much so that I am willing to keep the data and rig the final results, er, I mean report the final results.


  11. Comment by sans auto | 12.19.2006 | 11:34 am

    I like the idea, but a geneticist once told me that my genes express my big A and there is nothing I can do about it… or was it my fashion designer who told me that my jeans expressed my big A, I don’t remember.

  12. Comment by Tim D | 12.19.2006 | 11:37 am

    Sorry Al, I’ve already signed up for Fatty’s P0rn and v1agra. Maybe when my $5M from Nigeria comes through & I can quit my job.


  13. Comment by Al Maviva | 12.19.2006 | 11:43 am

    Botched, that sounds awesome. Wait ’til Fatty finds out.

    Tim, it’s amazing you ever find time to ride your bike. Or to eat or sleep. That sounds like a wicked combination, akin to Rogaine/Viagra. (Rogaine gives you hair but makes you impotent; Viagra fixes impotence but makes you bald). Hey, when that $5mil comes through, care to float me some cash? I have this great investment plan, guaranteed 700% return in just 10 weeks!

  14. Comment by Derek | 12.19.2006 | 11:53 am

    I am IN for the B5! I’ve put on a full 15-20 pounds since my wedding 3 months ago and it makes me so mad that I stay up nights thinking about it. Then the next day I eat…

    I need a contest… badly.

  15. Comment by TidusBlue | 12.19.2006 | 12:00 pm

    I’d also be up for the B5… I need to get some of this fat off.

  16. Comment by Scott | 12.19.2006 | 12:08 pm

    Count me in. The pounds have been just appearing since the end of August, most find motivation. If you let me know what is being tracked, I can whip up a little app to track provide reports etc.

  17. Comment by Stephanie | 12.19.2006 | 1:05 pm

    I’m in!!! I’m dying for motivation. My first race is in June, and it’s just not soon enough to make me care that i’ve put on some weight since my last race in November.

  18. Comment by the weak link | 12.19.2006 | 1:54 pm

    How much impotance would TT’s play into all of this? My TT’s are timed with a calendar, not a stopwatch, so if I can get my 40 mile time under one day and if that’s, um, heavily weighted, I should be in good shape, so to speak.

  19. Comment by Brewinman | 12.19.2006 | 2:03 pm

    Fatty, I don’t see any bike tracks on the teeter. Are you chicken?

  20. Comment by Kent Peterson | 12.19.2006 | 2:10 pm

    I’m waiting for the helmet-cam video of Fatty going over that teeter.

  21. Comment by Katie | 12.19.2006 | 2:59 pm

    I’d be in for the B5 Challenge, but I live in Australia, so how does the time trial thing work for poor little me?? Do I go out and ride around on my own?

    But I reckon I could take you all in the weight section – I still have 17kg (37.4lb) to go until my “goal” weight (seriously, who makes up these terms) and so I think I can take all of you.

    Are you doing it “Biggest Loser” percentage style? Or are we talking actual bodyFAT with calipers? I hate calipers – they are the bain of my existence. (I actually learned how to use them for my fitness course but managed to severely bruise someone in the process – I drew blood.)

  22. Comment by clydesdale | 12.19.2006 | 3:02 pm

    Al, Thanks for the Bikopeli ornament from last year’s challenge. Do I have to give it back now that I have gained 20 lbs or does that qualify me for a repeat attempt to come in 2nd, or 3rd I’m not sure, and be promoted to co-winner for whatever the reason was last year?

    Hey srettig, I’m a Bob and who are you calling a thingama?

    By the way, no snow here as yet and we are riding just like it was a really wet, damp, cold spring :( I need snow to ski and burn these Gingerbread houses off… err Gingerbread HOUSE!

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!

  23. Comment by Katie | 12.19.2006 | 6:09 pm

    Hey Al,

    Just a thought, as my office is entirely boring most of the time (Boss reckons he’s got SO much to do, but all that entails is him scratching his buttocks.) I will volunteer to the “paperwork” for the contest.

    I’m very anal-retentive when it comes to computers and spreadsheets, my entire weight loss lifestyle and workouts are contained on my USD drive that accompanies me everywhere. (I just realised how sad that sounds…)

    But, I’ll play on Excel to assist the greater good. Unless Fatty wants to bribe me with some of those damned energy bar things. :)

  24. Comment by Alaskan Dave Down Under | 12.19.2006 | 11:29 pm

    Fatty; don’t you have your winter bike already set up and ready to go? You are really missing out on some great fun.

    Temp today was 101 F in the shade…

  25. Comment by Lurch | 12.20.2006 | 4:50 am

    Hey Fatty,
    Just in case you need more motivation for Leadville – I really wasn’t kidding – Landis is planning on racing there too.
    Better get off the donuts and on the trainer!


  26. Comment by srettig | 12.20.2006 | 6:15 am

    Clydesdale, I didn’t mean to offend you. Some of my best friends are thingamas. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. :-)

  27. Comment by Lurch | 12.20.2006 | 7:20 am

    I just saw Velonews picked up the story too. Landis didn’t specifically state that he’s doing the race because of the great challenge you pose, but undoubtably that is got to be his motivation.


  28. Comment by regina | 12.20.2006 | 7:24 am

    I am in, motivation missing here too. mmmmmmmm, gingerbread houses….

  29. Comment by DP Cowboy | 12.20.2006 | 8:51 am

    Poor ol’ Katie…
    It is a time trial, as in individual time trial, as in ITT, and yes, generally, those are ridden on your own, unless you are some cheatin’ SOB like Virenque, or Millar, or Tammy Thomas (smirk). It works this way…you warm up, pick a spot to start…get your watch ready…go as hard as you can…and then after you have ridden the correct distance…look at your watch as you cross that imaginary line…voila…you have a time for your ITT. (another smirk!). If your last name is Hincapie, show up a few seconds late.
    Al, I had that nasty, nasty crash last year, and managed to move into rehab too fast, resulting in a re-fractured hip and a shoulder than just WANTS to be separated.
    Positive outlook, tho’…I now know how to re-locate a shoulder joint, and can do it easily…and…I am no longer walking with a cane…and…I am an expert in hevy landscaping and shoveling…I am soooo ready for a new B5, as I now weight 241, and need to get down to 190 or so.
    I am still very retired (just goin’ to school), and can help with a spreadsheet, data bases, input strings, whatever you might need. You have my email, and it is listed above, so get in touch and I will be your huckleberry.
    Great posts, BTW..always good

  30. Comment by Jeff Y | 12.20.2006 | 10:59 am

    Given that I’ve already busted through my “ceiling” weight for the off-season, looks like I need some motivation as well. Thanks! Jeff

  31. Comment by Mr. Toad | 12.20.2006 | 11:42 am

    Holy Crap! First Armstrong, then Landis.
    Now LeMond, Indurain and Ullrich have all decided to ride Leadville as well!

  32. Comment by Scott R | 12.20.2006 | 3:23 pm

    Who’ll be next for Leadville, Joop Zoetemelk?

  33. Comment by Al Maviva | 12.20.2006 | 6:20 pm

    Busted through your ceiling weight? What does that mean… you fell through the ceiling into the neighboring apartment below yours? Yeah, we could use you, Jeff.

    Looking forward to hearing what Fatty thinks about all this. He seems MIA…

  34. Comment by Rocky | 12.20.2006 | 10:29 pm

    Whew! Muchas gracias, gordito.

  35. Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 12.21.2006 | 4:05 am

    Here I was about the rag out on fatty for taking 50 words to say he had nothing to say and then I noticed that the comments had been hijacked by Al “who’s your B5 daddy” Maviva.

    I’m so excited. B5 is my friend.

    And I need a friend right now because I found all the weight I lost at the start of the year. But I’ve tucked it into my belt so nobody will notice.

  36. Comment by Cathy Boland | 12.21.2006 | 6:09 am

    As much as I’d like to participate in the B5 abuse again this year, I don’t think I qualify. (yes, I say that smugly) I got so motivated to drop the lard that after the B5 challenge ended, I continued to lose weight. I reached my goal and have kept the weight off. I had to buy all new cycling clothes cause all my old ones were too big.

    Hah! So take that all you fat B5’s!!

  37. Comment by barry1021 | 12.21.2006 | 6:54 am

    I vote for skinny Cathy to do the paperwork this year. But only because I hate her.

  38. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 12.21.2006 | 7:06 am

    OH yes, Cathy has volunteered herself for sure.

  39. Comment by Lurch | 12.21.2006 | 8:04 am

    Came back today to see if Fatty had gotten up the gumption to ride over that teeter-toter yet. Can’t see any tracks….

  40. Comment by regina | 12.21.2006 | 8:45 am

    it is so nice that skinny Cathy volunteered. Thanks Cathy.

  41. Comment by Chris | 12.21.2006 | 10:29 am

    Hey Fatty, have you heard the latest news for your Leadville race? Now you have 2 champions to defeat.
    “—Floyd Landis says he intends to compete in the Leadville Trail 100 (mile) mountain bike race in August, which would pit him against Lance Armstrong. If, that is, Floyd is legally able to ride in sanctioned events. Yesterday the Associated Press quoted Landis as saying, “I’m looking forward to getting back to my roots. Training for Leadville will be great preparation for a return to the Tour de France.” Landis was an elite mountain biker before switching to the road in 1998. He’s currently recovering from a hip resurfacing operation and is banned from sanctioned racing while waiting to appeal doping charges. The off-road century in Leadville, Colorado, is scheduled for Aug. 11 and reaches altitudes as high as 12,600 feet (3,820 meters). Armstrong recently announced he’ll give it a shot.”

  42. Comment by James | 12.21.2006 | 12:27 pm


    beat both of them fatty….

  43. Comment by LM | 12.21.2006 | 1:45 pm

    Things To Do till the snow melts:

    1. Ride on my trainer while watching vampire-themed TV shows.

    2. Go on a diet with my friends.

    3. Trudge up Tibble on snowshoes.


    Last we heard, fatty was headed for LA where it is currently 70 degrees under sunny skies. He has every reason to be MIA, and I hope he is enjoying himself. Merry Christmas, all. Hope you get everything you wanted.

  44. Comment by ScruffySpokes | 12.28.2006 | 1:23 pm

    This reminds me of a time when I was a young fat kid, leisurely teeter-tottering with my parents and they thought it would be funny to launch me backwards off my end, belly first into a pile of bark chips.
    I can’t wait to have kids of my own for that reason, until then I’ll have to settle for flipping strangers’ children.

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