Story Time

02.19.2007 | 1:34 pm

Wow, you people really like your barf stories, don’t you?

You’re so gross.

And that’s why I love you.

In a platonic, punch-each-other-on-the-shoulder way, that is.

Congratulations (I guess) to each of the following people, who sicked me out most of all:

  • John: I empathize with the twin thing. And the barfing-child-in-the-store thing. But mostly I just love the image of mango pudding projectile vomit.
  • Caloi-Rider: For being genuinely disturbing.
  • KeepYerBag: For barfing on your brother and causing permanent psychological damage.
  • dad2bjm: The McDonald’s story is priceless. A priceless full-on nightmare, that is.
  • flatlander: For catching the brunt of a barf full-on in the face. Man, I get the heebie-jeebies just thinking about that.
  • Rick Sunderlage (not his real name): Dude, what’s with you, mountain biking, and goats?
  • Bob: I will never, ever, ever get tired of the Barfing Mormon Missionary image. For some reason, I always want to interject, “But it’s just a wafer-thin mint!” when you tell this one.

You seven people, email me with what you want your email name to be, and I’ll set you up.

Epic Ride Story Overload
Have you ever noticed that your biggest and best cycling memories are tied up in big ol’ fat epic rides with your friends? We’re not talking about two- or three-hour jaunts, mind you, but bike trips that take a truly monumental effort to complete.Then you talk about the ride for days. Weeks. Maybe forever. An effort this large, this intense, this extraordinary, doesn’t fade like most memories. You want to keep talking about the effort, reliving it. And after the pain wears off, you want to do another ride just like it.

Well, at long last I’ve put together the “Epic Ride Stories” area of Fat Cyclist. For one thing, I want a place to hold all the stories where I brag about the epic rides I’ve been on.

More than that, though, I want to read about your epic rides. If you’ve been on a ride you would consider epic, email it to me. If I agree it’s epic (don’t worry; I’m an easy sell), I’ll headline it in my blog for the day, then add it to the library.

Then, everyone who reads your story will stand in awe of what a kick-butt rider you are.

You can always get to the list of Epic Ride Stories from the link in the logo area of my blog. You’ll also notice a list of stories in the navigation / ad sidebar, though I won’t necessarily always keep the list quite so high (hey, gotta make space for the ads, since they — theoretically — pay the bills).

Here are the Epic Ride Stories I’ve collected so far. I think every one of them is worth reading.

  • 12 Hours of Brian Head: Wherein I try my best to make it sound like riding a five mile loop as many times as possible in a twelve-hour period is somehow admirable, instead of just stupid. 
  • 24 Hours of Moab: Dug writes about his his 24 Hours of Moab experiences, including a Just-Before-the-Crash photo of him that is simply not to be missed.
  • 24 Hours of Moab ‘99: Racing Duo Pro Expert: Once, Brad and I rode in the “Duo Pro Expert” class for the 24 Hours of Moab. It hurt. A lot. I love this story. Brad doesn’t like it as much. 
  • Challenge de Hesbaye: Ever wonder what it would feel like to race in a European Peloton? Robert Lofgran (of Lofgran Coaching) 
  • Cream Puff 100: Mark Weaver talks about his experience with one of the most brutal 100-mile MTB races around: the Cascade Cream Puff 100.
  • Fatty’s First Leadville 100: I describe, in breathless detail, practically every pedal stroke of my first 100-mile MTB race. 
  • Forest Hill Backcountry Death March: Mark Weaver gives his wife very good grounds for divorce.
  • Laramie Range Enduro: Peter Thorsness describes the first running of a now legendary — and still greatly missed — 100Km MTB race in Laramie, Wyoming
  • Leadville ‘98: 100 Miles, 3 Guys, 1 Big Finish: Bob, Dug and Fatty talk about the time they raced the LT100 together. You may want to bring a sandwich for this one.   
  • Moab for Beginners: Dug, Bob and Tracy think they know their way around Moab. Turns out they don’t.
  • RAWROD Part 1: Fat Loser Nerd, Alone in a Hotel Room: In 2005, I rode the Ride Around White Rim in One Day, heavier than I’ve ever been. After this ride, I thought, “Hey, you know, I should start a blog called Fat Cyclist.”  
  • RAWROD Part 2: Treachery and the Hogback: The RAWROD saga continues. 
  • RAWROD Part 3: Despair, Elation, and a Good Conversation: At long last, the RAWROD saga concludes. 
  • South Australia’s Sea to Vines (C2V): Born4Lycra tells of his progress from fat to fit cyclist. With photos! Sexy!
  • Swiss Alps: Erik Kratzer describes an awesome adventure in — you guessed it — the Swiss Alps. I am so jealous.
  • The Alpine Gauntlet: If you want a full day of climbing and happen to live in Utah County, you can’t do much better than the Alpine Gauntlet. Which I named, by the way. 
  • The Triple By-pass By-pass: Jim Woodruff describes a mountain bike variation of Colorado’s famed Triple By-Pass race.
  • Tibble Fork: The Best Place in the World: If I could ride only one mountain bike trail for the rest of my life, Tibble Fork would without a question be it. 
  • Timpanogos: Dug talks about circumnavigating the Alpine loop on mountain bikes. A true hometown epic.
  • Touring in Spain: Bob describes how he got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. You’ll wonder why Bob let his hair grow so long. 
  • Tucson: Not every epic is about the bike. Sometimes your life is plenty epic as-is.  
  • White Rim: Bob describes – melodramatically — riding with Dug around the White Rim on Summer Solstice. Idiots. 
  • Yanacocha Loop: Cajamarca, Peru: Until I read this story, I never particularly wanted to ride in Peru. Now I do. 

PS: I don’t know today’s weight — today’s a vacation day and so I’m not following the regular routine. I forgot to weigh myself.


  1. Comment by MTB W | 02.19.2007 | 1:51 pm

    FC, excellent! I read one of the epic ride posts this morning when I couldn’t read the barf comments anymore – getting nauseous. I believe epic rides are what riding is all about – beautiful views, long rides with your friends, sometimes tough moments that you won’t soon forget and love to talk about for a long time to come!

  2. Comment by Erin | 02.19.2007 | 2:33 pm

    Wow. I read Tuscon, thinking ‘fab – was just there myself!’ A phenomenal personal history. Thanks for linking that, Fatty.

  3. Comment by JET(not a nickname) | 02.19.2007 | 2:38 pm

    Your story about your first Leadville ride was awesome. I look forward to the other ones!

  4. Comment by Lisa B | 02.19.2007 | 3:41 pm

    Wow. Fatty, thanks for posting Dean’s “Tucson.” I went through a similar illness with my dad, and thought I was long over it, but Dean’s amazing writing brought all those feelings back. Bad, yet good. Thank you.

  5. Comment by Rick S | 02.19.2007 | 3:44 pm

    The Alpine Gauntlet is THE coolest ride i’ve done to date. In fact, it should be an annual tradition. Fatty’s Alpine Gauntlet ride. Make it happen Elden.

  6. Comment by the weak link | 02.19.2007 | 6:59 pm

    This post leaves me strangely depressed. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I consider an epic ride biking to the Krogers one mile away and balancing a gallon of milk on the handlebars on my way home.

    Which isn’t all that easy, actually.

  7. Comment by GenghisKhan | 02.20.2007 | 6:36 am

    Hmmm, I’m not so certain that “Fatty’s Alpine Gauntlet” acronyms so well (Not that there’s anything wrong with that…).

  8. Comment by sans auto | 02.20.2007 | 8:39 am

    Fatty’s Alpine Guantlet… I think I’ve done all of the hills, but never all in the same day. I’m looking forward to the annual event. And it’s on the road so I won’t make a complete fool out of myself… or at least my odds are better.

  9. Comment by fatty | 02.20.2007 | 10:24 am

    can we call it “Fatty’s Rockin’ Alpine Gauntlet?” I like the acronym FRAG. It sounds macho.

    As to the event itself, I like the idea of it. I think we should do it after the snow melts on the Alpine Loop, but before they open up the gates to auto traffic.

  10. Comment by Chris | 02.20.2007 | 10:46 am

    FRAG me in.

  11. Comment by GenghisKhan | 02.20.2007 | 10:48 am

    Ahhh, now that is much, much better (Not that there’s anything wrong with the other…), especially since most of us will explode before completing the event!

  12. Comment by Chris | 02.20.2007 | 12:19 pm

    Hey Fatty, How about FRAG on June 16th………we can all ask our wives to give us the afternoon off as a Father’s Day gift.

  13. Comment by Al Maviva | 02.20.2007 | 6:17 pm

    My epic ride story: any frickin’ ride I had before we got snowed in for the last month in the Mid-Atlantic. The three mile loop out to the local coffee shop and back, is plenty epic and I’d settle for it right about now.

  14. Comment by nollij | 02.21.2007 | 1:55 am

    “Tucson” messed me right up. Had to blog it myself here. Thanks for sharing.

  15. Comment by SYJ | 02.21.2007 | 8:00 am

    Fatty, thank you for putting ‘Tuscon’ up. Incredible story, incredible writing. Like nollij, I was a bit ‘messed up’ after reading it. It especially hit home for me, as my padre is borderline diabetic.

    Needless to say, I’m sending him a copy of that story post haste.


  16. Comment by Brewinman | 02.21.2007 | 2:38 pm

    Gotta agree with the last two posts. Tucson is an incredible read. I can identify with the cathartic nature of mountain biking. It always helps me clear my head, no matter how clogged with life it becomes. Thanks for sharing such an excellent post.


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