The Transcript of an Instant Message Conversation Between Dug and Me

03.6.2007 | 5:06 am

A Note from Fatty: If you’ve entered the “It’s Nice to be Nice to Dave Nice” raffle, thanks! If you haven’t, you still have time. Click here to go to yesterday’s post and buy a ticket. There are hundreds of dollars’ worth of prizes, and you’ll be helping a good guy do a really cool race.

Another Note from Fatty: As many of you know, I am currently traveling for work, and don’t have a huge amount of time to write. However, I did have a few minutes to have an instant message with my friend Dug about the race my friends did last weekend. It was an interesting story, and I thought lots of people should hear it. So I asked him to write up the story for use in my blog.

Dug — overachiever that he is — copied and pasted the transcript of our IM chat into an email message.


So, here you go. Dug’s recounting of The Desert Rampage, in all its instant message glory.

Elden: ririe [Ed note: dug's middle name is Ririe]
dug: clyde [Ed note: my middle name is Clyde]
Elden: good race?
dug: very fun, great course, great event. i had two flats and an exploded pedal.
dug: had to carry my bike across the finish line.
dug: rode the last half mile on the rim.
dug: kenny, who i hate now, because he’s so obviously on steroids, took third in SS category, brad, who i can’t bring myself to hate even though he’s also obviously on steroids, took 5th.
dug: there were about 20 in the SS category. i’ve never seen so many singles. and they lump us all together, just “Singles.” so we schmoes were racing against semi pro, expert, and the like. lots of em.
dug: sunderlage took 6th in his age group in sport.
Elden: was he on ss?
dug: no
dug: his new cool 29er hardtail. maiden voyage. he was worried about racing it for its first ride, but had no problems.
Elden: how many were in his class?
dug: not sure, lots though, very large field in all categories it seemed.
Elden: he’s strong like bull
dug: brad would have been 4th, but jamie pogue passed him at the line.
Elden: well, that’s not very respectful.
dug: no.
dug: not respectful at all. extreme lack of manners.
dug: drafted him up the finishing straight, and came around at finish.
dug: brad didn’t know he was there till it was too late.
dug: i didn’t expect to have so much fun. i enjoyed myself much more than i expected.
dug: i remember racing as being nothing but a cloud of pain. it’s been years since i’ve done anything like this.
Elden: especially with so much going wrong.
dug: i dunno, maybe because of that. the time spent fixing flats and such might have meant more oxygen to breathe i guess. although, i still avoided the DFL. two singles behind me.
Elden: how’d your pedal explode?
dug: i don’t know, never seen it happen before. i have regular eggbeaters.
dug: it just collapsed. the tines turned floppy, like the t-rex’s jaw in king kong.
dug: some spring must have exploded
dug: happened right at the beginning of the second lap.
Elden: sounds like the main spring that wraps around the axle died.
dug: okay, mr mechanic. anyway. each lap had two major climbs, i had first flat at the top (!?) of the first climb.
Elden: i like to imagine the pedal snapped with a tangy boioioioioing sound.
dug: boom, the rear tire exploded off the rim.
dug: nobody ever told me you couldn’t pump up a stan’s tube more than about 40/45. remember, kenny put stans in my rear tire after the tube kept exploding out of the tire on bartlett wash in moab last november. i haven’t messed with it since.
dug: anyway, before the race, i went to 50.
dug: like in the princess bride.
dug: “NOT TO 50!”
Elden: did it explode, spattering you with gooey stans creme filling?
dug: did explode, didn’t spatter me so much. but my surly horizontal drop out and oversized rotor disc is a rube goldberg to take off.
dug: i put a tube in finally. had two air cartridges.
dug: unfortunately, one was threaded, one not threaded. and i had the little thread-on doo hicky.
dug: i put the threaded one in, but that gives you onlyl about 20 lbs of pressure in a fat tire.
dug: i tried to put the unthreaded one in, but since it wasn’t threaded, once i punctured, it just flew away like a balloon. i never even found the cartridge. it’s under a cactus somewhere out there. make a nice home for a desert snail. are there desert snails?
Elden: you’re not using the big air cartridges?
dug: um. no. i haven’t looked inside that seat pack since moab in november.
Elden: audible laughter on the jet-propelled co2 cartridge.
dug: thanks. so i rode rest of first lap with about 20 psi in back tire. i’m not a delicate rider, so i was worried. this was a rocky, ledgy desert course.
dug: but it seemed to be working out okay.
dug: then, at the start of the second lap climb, suddenly, my left left foot woudn’t engage in the pedal.
dug: i didn’t want to stop, i was feeling really good, passing people back, so kept trying to feel the bottom of my foot as i rode, to see if the cleat had broken.
dug: i finally realized at the top that the pedal was the culprit.
dug: during the climb, i inadvertantly kicked myself in the hand and face a couple times as my foot would fly forward off the pedal on technical uphill ledges.
dug: i’m pretty sure i punctured my left knee.
Elden: battle of the century. dug against bike. who will emerge victorious?
dug: i also had to stop to re-align the back wheel which was turning sideways, cuz i spazzed putting it back on. you have to actually loosen the disc brake assembly to install/remove the back wheel on this bike, because the discs are from my old c-dale gemini, and are ginormous. also, i have a surly nut on there, to keep it aligned. which, ironically, i can’t figure out, so my back wheel always seems to be about an inch out of alignment.
Elden: this is, in fact, an awesome story.
dug: it’s just what happened. i was lucky to have allen wrench with me. as you know, i normally don’t carry anything but bit-o-honey.
Elden: the big lie of the singlespeed is that they’re simpler than geared bikes. trickery.
dug: yeah, i try to treat it as if it’s simpler, when, in fact, only difference is no shifting to worry about. anyway, finally at bottom of last downhill on second lap, the course gets very technical and ledgy. i was being careful, but i didn’t want to get passed either.
dug: on what seemed like the final drop-off of the downhill, i let it go too much.
dug: rear tire blew like a gun shot.
dug: totally dented the rim.
dug: i said “screw it” and just kept riding. only had a half mile to go.
dug: so i rode for almost half mile, and was getting passed a lot.
dug: the final hairpin turn is rutted and such, then there’s about 100 yards to the finish, along a spectator alley, lots of spectators there.
Elden: at some point you get to a place where you’re willing to sacrifice your entire bike, just to get across the line.
dug: yeah, i had literally already planned out my strategy for using this to tell kim that i needed to buy a new singlespeed. i was hoping the bike would just implode to strenghten my argument. so i stayed high on the idehill on the last turn, to let someone pass me.
dug: the tire and tube just rolled all the way off the rim, catching in the spokes and chain, throwing me off the bike. yes, in front of cheering crowd.
dug: tire and tube were dragging behind the bike like a cat caught in the gears.
Elden: like a giant black snake attacking your bike.
dug: so i had to stop, get off, pick it all up and drag it to finish line.
Elden: you’ve got to watch out for those giant black snakes. they’re both subtle and voracious.
dug: anyway, the whole race felt exhilirating.
dug: i really enjoyed it.
dug: i had my ipod shuffle on.
dug: clipped to my cool new swerve knickers pocket.
Elden: you were racing AND making a fashion statement.
dug: i was, i had the knickers and a bright yellow beatles tshirt. i kept accidentally hitting the back button when i would try to do a ledge.
dug: i must have listened to “my name is prince” like 8 times.
dug: at least it wasn’t enya.
Elden: because then you would have had to stab out your eardrums.
dug: brad wore black knickers he made himself from dress pants, dress socks, and a button down office type shirt
dug: it was beautiful.
dug: everybody else seemed so totally lycra.
dug: like a gay pride day parade.
Elden: though in actuality you put a lot more thought into what you were wearing they did.
dug: anyway, we missed you. it’s a really good event. good course, good organization, great weather.
Elden: wish i could have been there
dug: hang on a second, i’ll go to the garage and take a pic of the bike with my cameraphone.

Elden: holy smokes. you should have no trouble selling the new bike thing to kim.


  1. Comment by nathanv | 03.6.2007 | 6:24 am

    sheesh – dug you can get a new bike i said so.
    elden give him $10.

  2. Comment by TeeBone | 03.6.2007 | 6:53 am

    Dug – I saw you after the race. I told you it made me feel better about the flat I had. Small world.

  3. Comment by bradk | 03.6.2007 | 7:39 am

    dug was the star of the desert rampage for a variety of reasons not the least of which was his impeccable fashion sense.

  4. Comment by Jose | 03.6.2007 | 7:47 am

    Dug, are you going to wash those water bottles before you use your bike next time? Just checking!

  5. Comment by Jsun | 03.6.2007 | 8:20 am

    Yep, since the tyre is fubar, the whole bike is now rendered useless and the only humane thing to do is take it out and shoot it. Which is a horrible thing to have to do to your own bike. That’s why I am willing to take it away for only $10 and have it put out to pasture, to stud other bikes. You may have first choice of offspring, of course.

  6. Comment by Argentius | 03.6.2007 | 8:52 am


    You MTBer’s call a race with 18 mechanicals “fun?”

    I’d call it getting stabbed in the head, but…

  7. Comment by Rob | 03.6.2007 | 10:12 am

    So Dug,

    When you sell your Surly on eBay, you’re going to post that exact picture and say things like;

    “Like new condition…Hardly used…Need to sell because I just can’t find the time to ride and feel guilty letting this emmaculate beauty just sit in the garage unridden…”

  8. Comment by T1mm0 | 03.6.2007 | 11:14 am

    Dug – I’ve broken both the “outer plates” on my C/B Candies previously (due to my habit of pedal striking while pedalling through corners) and I imagine this is exactly what’s happened to your Eggbeaters… The replacements are only a couple of bucks but they’re a little on the difficult side to replace as you have to fight the main spring to get them into place.

  9. Comment by Mrs. Coach | 03.6.2007 | 11:34 am

    “dug: at least it wasn’t enya.”

    So you have enya on your shuffle?

    “dug: like a gay pride day parade.”

  10. Comment by dug | 03.6.2007 | 11:37 am

    hey tim. i don’t have candies. and the main spring itself snapped. boing.

    rob, you interested?

    argentius, um. sure. really, you’ve NEVER mountain biked? it’s time to make a change.

    jsun, if you can breed it, i’m in. i mean, who wouldn’t pay to see THAT?


    brad, i honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.

    teebone, solidarity brother.

    thanks nathan. if i can’t get that flat fixed, i’ll start saving for a new bike right away. elden’s $10 will help prime the pump.

  11. Comment by dug | 03.6.2007 | 11:39 am

    mrs coach–the enya was a little joke for elden. when his first child was born, his mother in law came to stay for a while. she played enya for the newborn for about a week straight. just the thought or mention of enya makes elden all twitchy.

  12. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 03.6.2007 | 11:41 am

    Hey, that’s a great way of protecting the seat stays and chain stays from getting scratched, kind of like those bumpers they put on the outside of boats for docking.

    Who beat Kenny?!

  13. Comment by axel | 03.6.2007 | 11:48 am

    You just made the case against the single speed
    - it breaks down too
    - everybody is doing it, so it is time for a new trend
    So before simply buying another SS, think up a new trend

    like – if the 29 er is better than the 26er then a 36er would be even better still

    or MUNI – it does need a boost from a popular site like this to rise from obscurity
    (mountain unicycling)

    or simply the 29er fixie single speed

  14. Comment by bikemike | 03.6.2007 | 12:14 pm

    if laurel and hardy were still alive, their names would be dug and elden. classic stuff.

  15. Comment by Lins | 03.6.2007 | 12:31 pm

    Good one Rob although his Ebay ad could also read…”Reason for selling: needs new tyre. See my other items 1. Car: needs petrol. 2. Cell phone: needs charging.

  16. Comment by Mrs. Coach | 03.6.2007 | 12:46 pm

    Dug- Its ok, you can admit you like Enya. This is a trusted circle of friends. No one would think any differently of you. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there that like Enya…like FC’s MIL!

  17. Comment by dug | 03.6.2007 | 12:53 pm

    fellers, please. i’m not selling the bike. if i can hire someone to change the tire for me, i’ll totally keep it.

  18. Comment by Mrs. Coach | 03.6.2007 | 1:02 pm

    dug- check out Taylor’s Bike Shop (Taylorsville, ask for Phil; Provo, beats me)

  19. Comment by Rick S. | 03.6.2007 | 1:21 pm

    dug- imagine what could have happened had you decided to pre-ride the course.
    You were a top 3 finish for style points for sure. Bradk had the whole compton look going for him, and then there was that guy with the pink knee socks. Did you see him?

  20. Comment by Aaron | 03.6.2007 | 1:40 pm

    Rick Sunderlage (not his real name) is now a celebrity after being quoted in the 5th paragraph of this online newspaper with a readership of approximately 4 people:

    That’s me in the picture on the right fixing my flat, no more than 10 minutes before the starting gun. I also flatted soon after the race. Dug, you really need to learn how to time your flats so that they happen before or after the race. It’s really not that difficult of a concept.

  21. Comment by Rick S. | 03.6.2007 | 1:50 pm

    Aaron- yeah, I was pretty proud of that interview. They strapped a mic on me and filmed the whole thing. After all that, they used the one line for the article.

  22. Comment by LMouse | 03.6.2007 | 2:39 pm

    Gosh, Rick S, I thought Sunderlage wasn’t your real name.

    You know, I like Enya as much as the next old gal, but mainly for slow walks at sunset, not riding. For that I prefer German trance. Nothing like manic music with a guy yelling German in your ears to make you want to get wherever you’re going MACH SCHNELL!

  23. Comment by Rob | 03.6.2007 | 3:03 pm

    Hmmm. interesting Rick that you would claim to be 37 in the Spectrum…

  24. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 03.6.2007 | 4:37 pm

    dug, I totally need a job. I’ll change your tire for $50,000, but I’m willing to negotiate on the price. I’ll give you a 10% “friends of fatty” discount.

  25. Comment by Yukirin Boy | 03.7.2007 | 5:17 pm

    As Argentinius said, you MTBers must be out of your head if you think two punctures, a broken pedal and who knows what else makes for a great race.
    Its a different world from roadies such as myself. Perhaps we are not enjoying ourselves enough, although the possibility of high speed mechanical trouble and crashes do have the remarkable ability to leap to the front of ones imagination.
    Great story though – more IM transcripts please. LOL

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